Rough week....

[backlash84]

Been feeling pretty down recently, it's been more like a month and a half than a week, but this week in particular has been especially rough as my will gradually gets worn down.

I've had clinical depression and anxiety disorder for 11 years now (diagnosed at least), and had my ups and downs, I'm actually much better than I used to be. Still, I am nowhere near normal. Managed to graduate college, but since then I've been fairly aimless... I'm 25, so I feel pretty damn far behind compared to my friends, and I am not sure I'll ever really be able to function in society. I want to get a part time job, start working towards being normal, but every time I think about it my anxiety goes through the roof.

Guess I'm just needing to vent a little. Anyone else feel like life just isn't going to work out? What do you do when you feel worn down?

[wander]

Your story is basically my life too dude and I'm gonna 34 this year. ^^; I try not to dwell too much on the banality of existence though.

So, in answer... I dig escapism. When I'm settled in, if I'm not here I enjoy watching vids on youtube. I have hobby times, I miniature wargame so I like to build and paint when I grab some new stuff. Its a chill-out thing and also I have something physical and visible to show for it. "I built that. I made that look that way in painting it." Distracts from the general apathy and stagnation of existing.

I love scifi and fantasy. I love lore and history, both fictional and factual. I love to read about places not our own. I used to videogame before. I love making characters up for system games, dunno why though it's such a fun thing for me to do.

These are all things I do in my spare time. Also I'm lazy, so I kinda sleep when I'm really worn down. :)

[backlash84]

Your story is basically my life too dude and I'm gonna 34 this year. ^^; I try not to dwell too much on the banality of existence though.

So, in answer... I dig escapism. When I'm settled in, if I'm not here I enjoy watching vids on youtube. I have hobby times, I miniature wargame so I like to build and paint when I grab some new stuff. Its a chill-out thing and also I have something physical and visible to show for it. "I built that. I made that look that way in painting it." Distracts from the general apathy and stagnation of existing.

I love scifi and fantasy. I love lore and history, both fictional and factual. I love to read about places not our own. I used to videogame before. I love making characters up for system games, dunno why though it's such a fun thing for me to do.

These are all things I do in my spare time. Also I'm lazy, so I kinda sleep when I'm really worn down. :)

That's interesting. I do find accomplishments (even small ones) are really helpful, although getting the energy up can be daunting at times.

Escapism is definitely one of the main reasons I joined E, never really liked the "real life" settings. I never had friends who were interested in the pen and paper roleplaying scene, so play by post was my only real creative outlet. I actually started when I was quite young (it's actually how I learned to type).

It sounds like you've managed to get your life together to a decent extent though (I know miniature painting ain't cheap. :) ). Did you find you hit a turning point in your life? Something that made you feel more motivated and energized? My main issue is I am tired all the damn time.

[wander]

You don't sound too far off from me dude.

Me doing Pbp is how I learned to get my system fix too. I have one friend into rpgs like me, though I don't think either of us have the comfort to do solo sit-down sessions. He's busy and doesn't have time to do 'posts of quality', me I enjoy my system gaming and just write what I'm comfortable with. I think I do alright tbh.

As for my life, well I try to take each day as a new start. I don't buy as many models as you may think (like you mention, it's a lil expensive). I generally get like a box per month, chip it down that way.

Honestly dude though, not really to answer your question. Sometimes I just happen to have more energy than other times, though I can turn on a dime. I don't like feeling down though and try specifically to do things to keep me from it. Best advice I can say is find something you enjoy to do or are more motivated to go and down. Could be anything, even a really small thing. Then do that thing whenever you feel a bit blargh. If you feel down, distract yourself with some hobby or activity. Could be as simple as flicking on a fifteen minute youtube vid. Force yourself to forget the bad feels or distract them.

Basically I find when I'm down that fooling myself into a better mood helps. It may not always work and everyone's different, though I guess the only difference we really have is I've been doing this longer. You got youth on your side, plus drifting ain't the worst thing dude. Rome wasn't built in a day and you'll land up somewhere if you want it. Hope at least something I mentioned helps in some way dude. I know exactly what your mind is doing with you as it does it with me on the daily, though I'm my own master not my negativity. Don't give it the chance to own you basically.

[backlash84]

You don't sound too far off from me dude.

I don't know about that... I'm on disability, living with my parents, unable to actually get myself functioning enough for a part time job, unable to leave the house or even bathe most days, and have never really had a romantic relationship in my entire life. I am not sure I'll ever be able to function like a normal human being.

I do appreciate your view of things though, and will try to keep what you've said in mind. :) Thanks for taking the time to comment.

[wander]

That you can get online and talk with people alone shows you have a lot to offer.  :-)

[backlash84]

That you can get online and talk with people alone shows you have a lot to offer.  :-)

Thanks. :)