Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View

[wolvenrogue]

Well... I was stupid...I looked at the introduction archives again... Why I don't know... passed over again... so I'm ending a good day on a sour note. Its my fault but I just couldn't help it..Hmmmm why do I do such things. Sybl... I really wish I had followed you home. Oh well. My problems are really small in the grand scheme of things. Any idea why they bring me down so?  I feel foolish.

I will smile. I will smile. I will smile.   Do you believe me?

[Sybl]

Well... I was stupid...I looked at the introduction archives again... Why I don't know... passed over again... so I'm ending a good day on a sour note. Its my fault but I just couldn't help it..Hmmmm why do I do such things. Sybl... I really wish I had followed you home. Oh well. My problems are really small in the grand scheme of things. Any idea why they bring me down so?  I feel foolish.

I will smile. I will smile. I will smile.   Do you believe me?

Stupid..nope I don't believe that, my gosh no way..Don't feel foolish, we all have gone through the want it so bad we can taste it stage :-)

try this:  a gift

[wolvenrogue]

Thanks Sybl... but if everyone goes through this .... and everyone on the inside knows how it feels ... why do they keep doing it???

I dont understand.  I wouldnt put anyone through this if I didnt have to.  What is there to gain??

do you suppose my writings here make it worse?


Wolvenrogue

[wolvenrogue]

Sorry for the multiple post.

I'm so tired of going to bed sad.

I'm so tired of being tired and not sleeping.

[Ariabella]

Thanks Sybl... but if everyone goes through this .... and everyone on the inside knows how it feels ... why do they keep doing it???

I dont understand.  I wouldnt put anyone through this if I didnt have to.  What is there to gain??

do you suppose my writings here make it worse?


Wolvenrogue

Welcome to at least this part of E, Wolvenrogue *hugs* I honestly don't know what goes into the approval process any longer, but I know it seems to take a long time. I don't think your writing in here has made it worse.

As for the want it so bad I can taste it phase...*raises hand and admits to constantly refreshing pages and/or checking email for game replies*

[Sybl]

Thanks Sybl... but if everyone goes through this .... and everyone on the inside knows how it feels ... why do they keep doing it???

I dont understand.  I wouldnt put anyone through this if I didnt have to.  What is there to gain??

do you suppose my writings here make it worse?


Wolvenrogue

The mentors here that help the newbies are volunteers. Each one has a life outside of E, and some live outside of the USA, so, they come at different times. How it all works, I don't know, I still wonder how I got approved..seriously. Take a few deep breaths. Look at it this way, sometimes Real Life is strenuous, things happen.. flat tires, power outtages etc.

Here at E, there are those who check to see how involved one is in the community, I think some is perhaps to see how active one is, how much interaction is done? I really don't know, I am guessing. I am just an approved member. So.. I could be wrong.

My role here on Rhedyn's thread is just being supportive, it is neither chosen or expected, I do it because I enjoy helping out. Plus, I love people especially those like me.

You are a musician right? then play upbeat music, something that makes you tap your toes and wiggle.. plenty of good uplifting music on Youtube :)

Relax, enjoy your process.. KISMIF= keep it simple, make it fun

*hugs*

Welcome to at least this part of E, Wolvenrogue *hugs* I honestly don't know what goes into the approval process any longer, but I know it seems to take a long time. I don't think your writing in here has made it worse.

As for the want it so bad I can taste it phase...*raises hand and admits to constantly refreshing pages and/or checking email for game replies*

+1 I agree wholeheartedly  ( I love the game threads-they relieve stress) 

Sorry for the multiple post.

I'm so tired of going to bed sad.

I'm so tired of being tired and not sleeping.

Don't go to bed sad, you have at least 1 new friend..me, for 1
I understand the tired/lack of sleep I have had insomnia for 30 plus years..
Look to a brighter happier tomorrow.
Do relax and enjoy those of us you have met, already

the approval process is that a process..nothing personal

[wolvenrogue]

Sybl,

I have no problem with the volunteers I know its a lot of work.  The involvement cant be the problem. I have more posts  here, and more contacts in the allowed areas than anyone else.  That's why its so painful.  I could bear it if it I knew that that I had not participated or knowingly flaunted the rules or that the standards were at least equally applied on some basis or is someone who know would just tell me why. What is said is "the committee can do what ever it wants, its their prerogative, which is absolutely true. Knowing that and knowing who I am, and what has happened is what makes me so sad right now I started out looking for fun and in the beginning it was, but sadly now the fun is gone. As you can tell from the time of this post its been another bad night, You have been wonderful and thoughtful and friendly as have many others. Sadly, for the sake of this process, and my own inability to cope with it I may never really get to know any of you.  You mentioned my music. Music is a strange bed fellow . it intensifies feelings. It won't eliminate them.  your gift was wonderful but cathartic. the music released a flood of emotions and I was able to sleep a while, my own music does that too. As for snappy fun light music, I cant play it now my fingers just wont do it.

I have a 48 hour forced break from Elliquiy coming now so if I don't post its not because I've given up. at least not yet. That time away is probably a good thing.  I really really just want this over so I can go on with life. Its become such a mess for me. If I'm not approved at this point it will all be a total waste. My time and everyone elses.

Thank you so much for caring, you and everyone else. I will always consider you my friends, sadly if not approved I wont be able to find you. I will in the end have one satisfaction either way. I gave this thing my best effort. I was honest( though sometimes painfully so). I didn't hide who I was, I was true to myself and respectful of everyone I met. I was as patient as I was capable of. If the "process" requires more I just don't have it to give.  I'll check back after the wedding to see if anything has happened, and go from there


Wolvenrogue

[Sybl]

What is said is "the committee can do what ever it wants, its their prerogative, which is absolutely true.
Wolvenrogue

I feel I owe you an apology wolvenrogue, as the above statement is not quite true. They cannot do whatever they want. All processes are the same here as far as following guidelines at E.  If I misled in any way, I apologize. I only told you what I thought. I have no real idea, even my own Mentors have never told me how I was chosen. It is a mystery to me.

I do know everything is looked at, from how the Mentors are spoken to replied too, etc. I do know that Real Life (RL) comes first. Not knowing what is going on behind the scenes, has left thousands of people wondering who have applied here.

Look at it in this fashion, if you can:  It is like a new job, in my thought pattern, Besides my depression, ptsd, aadhd, and d.i.d., .. we go to the interview, see several in line, we want the job so bad we can taste it.. ah, but there it is, the hire.. we wait.. sometimes we don't hear back for a long period of time to weeks for this hypothetical and coveted job, ...then presto, someone calls. It is a process. Continue posting, but don't post anymore about your approval. It is frowned upon as poking, and it will do more harm than good.

I have several reasons I want to see you approved. I am rooting for you! Here and (Silently in the wings). One, you are close to my age, and two..  because.. of your answer to my crazy question.. that's only two of many. So, Relax, I know easier said than done, but try, and I hope when you sign back in you will be rewarded with an approval..I really do..

Lastly, remember some it took 10 days to get approved.. Just do what you do now.. just leave out the pokes. :) *hugs*

[wolvenrogue]

Sybl:

I didnt get that impression from you but rather from a Goddess. You have done nothing to apologize for. You have been a good friend. Not 100% sure I know what you mean by pokes. I've heard the term used for a couple different things here. Anyway, I'm done questioning, I'm done commenting, I'm done suggesting. Things are what they are here. I have no control over what happens. I've given it my best.

At this point it can take 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, or 10 weeks.  I can't allow myself any more anxioty over it.  I dont expect anyone to understand my anxioty because I don't understand it myself. Its not rational.  I will stop by as long as its permitted and be apart of this Blog and any roleplays I can find in the Non-adult section. If I'm approved, I'll be greatful. If not well it wasnt meant to be.  I can't change who I am.  I'm a bit old for that.

Thanks so much.... I really mean that.


Wolvenrogue

[Izzy1337]

@Wolvenrogue: I think "pokes" generally refer to a person virtually "poking" another member to get that member to do or not do something. As far as I know, it's frowned upon because it's annoying. When people tell you not to "poke", I believe they just mean for you to continue being patient and not try to rush things.

In any case, you seem like a nice person, I'm sorry the application process has taken so much out of you, and I wish you the best of luck and as much enjoyment as you can find here while the approval process runs its course.

*hugs to you, along with some of my extra patience*

Again, best wishes to you as you wait.

*hugs 'n' hapiness to all those who frequent the depression blog*

(that means all of you)

--Izzy

[Ariabella]

Well it's always comforting to get a heads up that a customer was in a day you were off, complaining about you and a co-worker and demanding that we be fired when the last times they were in, I, at least, went out of my way to help them. Sheesh. It. just. doesn't. pay. Last time I dealt with them, everything was fine...so what could I have done when I haven't even seen them?

[Adammair]

*peeks in to the depression blog after seeing it many times and not posting to it, deciding now is the right time to do so*

Hello, everyone! *smiles warmly*

I just wanted to say that depression is a serious thing, and I have been dealing with it for a long time now, quite unknowingly for the first several years of it. It seemed normal to me, at first. And I truly believe that it is a normal part of everyone's life. It is an emotion, like joy, sadness, fear, happiness, etc.

I was (somewhat) recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which, for those who don't know, is characterized by bouts of extreme mania, almost giddy with joy, and the desire to act, often impulsively...as well as bouts of extreme depression, which I suffered with in silence for many years. My mania was not so much mania, now that I think about it, as it was anxiety and worry. That, combined with the depressive aspect of the bipolar condition, led me several times to, at the very least, contemplate suicide. I hated the constant worry and panic, and just wanted it to end.

Fortunately for me, I have a loving mother who is a psychologist, and have enough of a conscience to realize that I would really be hurting others, not myself. But still, I didn't know what to do. I am currently on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, which have been keeping my mood stable. I would like to be off them, but I fear what might happen.

Now, I am FAR from an expert in psychology, myself (much to my disappointment). But I would urge anyone dealing with severe depression to seek help immediately, and don't wait for it to get as bad as it did for me. It's difficult, but not impossible, to see the light through the clouds.

That's all I have, and if it helps someone in some small way, then I've done my job. I ask for nothing in return for my help, only that you pass the message of hope on to someone else who's hurting.

[Oreo]

Sorry to hear about the bipolar disorder, Adammair. My son suffers from that too. It's good to hear that you seem to have a handle on it for now, the introspection to help you manage and understand what is happening, not to mention an understanding mom. Those ingredients can often make a big difference in getting through the hard days. I am amazed by the strength of character it takes to continue uplifting oneself and others with depression problems. It is easy to go on when life is filled with good days, but takes an extra dose of perseverance to wade through the gloom.

*hugs to all*

[Sybl]

*Hugs Adammair and Oreo*

My older step sister was bi-polar though I loved her very much, on bad days she would treat 'us' like aliens and had no problem with ripping 'us' apart. I didn't know at the time when we were younger, that she had this terrible condition. It wasn't until 6 months before her death that I learned of her condition.

The rise and fall up and down swings I can only imagine how difficult that is to live with. With post traumatic stress disorder, it is closely related but not the same. I wish we all could have 100% good days, but when we don't, let us not forget the buddy system. Here for anyone at all times. PM's welcome.

*Leaves hugs for all who need and wants one*

[Sybl]

Hope every one is okay...

*hugs*

[Athos]

*Stops in to give hugs to all*

[Sybl]

Without going into a lot of boring poor me details, I am as low as I have ever been.  I just feel sick almost. :(

[Slaven]

Without going into a lot of boring poor me details, I am as low as I have ever been.  I just feel sick almost. :(

*Gives a big huuug! Then snuggles! Then drags out for party time!* Should really cheer up! Hope you feel better soon.

[Sybl]

*Gives a big huuug! Then snuggles! Then drags out for party time!* Should really cheer up! Hope you feel better soon.

*hugs back* thank you Slaven

[Adammair]

*snugglehugclings* I'm sorry to hear that, Sybl. Feel better, okay? We're all here for you. *smiles warmly*

[Anjasa]

Without going into a lot of boring poor me details, I am as low as I have ever been.  I just feel sick almost. :(

It'll pass. Just let it flow through you, and it'll pass.

<3 I wish for strength for you.

[Sybl]

*snugglehugclings* I'm sorry to hear that, Sybl. Feel better, okay? We're all here for you. *smiles warmly*

It'll pass. Just let it flow through you, and it'll pass.

<3 I wish for strength for you.

Some times it isn't so easy.  :-(
I have been hurt deeply by someone, the result was more hurt, a loss of things dear to me, inanimate and living both.

I put my heart and soul into both, and the end result is the void..

[Rhedyn]

*leaves hugs and support for Sybl and all those who need it right now*

[Sybl]

Thank you Rhedyn. It is getting better. *hugs*

[Rhedyn]

Glad to hear it. Remember I'm just a PM away if you need me <3