Breakup with the person above you!

[Cayenne]

Dear Dim Hon,

Get out of the freaking rain already. Even Aquaman spends more time dry than you do at this point, and he is the king of the OCEAN, of which, lets face it, most of earth is water, he's pretty much got the controlling interest on planet earth.  I have to admit though, it was pretty romantic, I mean, we'd meet in the rain, you'd tell me poetry in the rain, it made me think we were at the pivotal scene in some romance movie!

Yet, sex in the rain, while inside, not as fun. Also, the water damage to my apartment has basically bankrupted you (It would have been me, but yanno, joint accounts and all that, and well, it is your fault).  Oh and this idea of we can just live on the ocean, in a nice little house boat? Hey uh.. no thanks anyway.

Speaking of which if you see boatman, please pass this along to him.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

Dear Boats,

I have to admit, you clean up nicely.  A little just for men, a haircut, and a shave later and you were looking like the height of sexy modern man! I was, I cannot lie, pretty excited by this idea you'd decided to update your look, and you know, I didn't particularly catch the whole theme you were going to at first, as I, like most women can appreciate a man in uniform, yet, perhaps was expecting something within the last hundred years.

Granted, your shabby post caveman look, of which, led me to believe those were actually horns, and not just, unwashed masses of hair of which had developed a film against wayward splashes from the sea of souls or whatever it is you drive your little dingy around on.  Yet, I'm pretty sure that particular look happened to be popular around the late 17 hundreds, and early 18 hundreds.

I know you a little slow to pick up on new styles but, honestly, updating your look usually implies to the current era, not one that is two hundred years passed.

I know, I know, baby steps and that whole thing.  Yet, you a grown ass, lived a long time, should be over these mid eternity life crisis bits. Not that I think you'd look overly good in reflective rain jackets, just, is it too much to ask for a sharp, snappy sailor outfit?

I guess so.

We're done.

Cayenne.

So yeah, I don't know what happens when you get dumped, if you get more rain, or thundershowers or something, but honestly, I'm just going to put a little distance between us before that.

Cayenne~

[Diabolical]

Dear Cayenne,


I'm usually an extremely tolerant woman , but frankly, this kink you have is exhausting me. I understand it's the only way you can get fulfillment, but damn girl, counting your freckles ( although adorably sexy ) before we can get into the thick of things, really?

It wouldn't be quite so bad if there wasn't like a trillion of them. By the time you're ready, i'm cross eyed and sleep deprived. This just isn't working out.

I hope we can still be friends,

Dia.

[NewEraW]

Dear Dia

I remember when we meet you said that you had a lot of live to give and you needed to share it with someone else. I thought that was cute at first, but what I didn't know was that meant I would have to share you and our bed as well. I'm tired of finding bras over the place and panties spread out across the floor. I still care about you and all but I think it's best that I see other people, since you've already have.

Seen you around
Houki

[Diabolical]

Darling Houki ,


If not for your inability to cease draping yourself with living love slaves, I would have remained faithful. After all, I did take your feelings into account, I limited my trysts to the female population. The skid marks left all over your foot wear, it was such a bitch to clean.

Not to sound bitter, but yes, I am bitter. There is no comparison between undies and snail trails. You and your ego need immediate help, like ASAP.

Goodbye . Don't call,

Dia.

[Sofia Grace]

My dearest Dia,

I can't help but notice others staring at your luscious lips - and the way you touch them constantly just brings more attention to them.  I cannot control the jealousy that resonates when I see others look at those lips - my lips - like they are something free to claim.  I understand that I should be able to control this jealous side of me, but I cannot.  I have remained faithful to you and those lips, but I often have the feeling that those teasing fingers aren't the only things touching your mouth when I am not looking - I need to distance myself.

Kiss

[Boatman]

My lovely Kiss,

I only introduced you as a character in my short story as a distraction for the hero.
Then, day by day, you started taking over the plot.
You killed off the hero, took all the riches and came after me, the author.

Your painted body entered my dreams and started stealing my waking moments.
So, I've burnt the manuscript and moved away.

Farewell

[Diabolical]

Darling Boatman ,

At first sight , I fell instantly in love with your hat. It was so damn sexy, the way it sat on top of your charming head, erect, virile and satiny smooth with an underlying firmness.
Just remembering , excites me still, but that is null and void as I soon realized,  I need more .
The hat fondling , although perversely kinky, isn't quite satisfying me . So it's with a saddened heart , calloused finger tips and an unhealthy attraction to the taste of felt, that I must bid you a fond farewell.

Dia.

[Belle33]

Felt fetish aside I'm going to need to say goodbye Dia.  Your lips are too hypnotic.  I think of nothing else. I dream of nothing else. I am a puddle waiting to be absorbed between those lips and nothing more.  I can't function like this.  I have work to do.  I'm sorry.  It's not you, it's me. 

[Boatman]

Dear Belle,

I love the pants off you, that much is obvious.
It's just the arguing that has got me down a bit.

I am an easy going sort of guy as you know. If the wind decides to blow one way, then I usually go with it.
But for even the simplest things, you dig your heels in... or rather, you sit and strop.
"How about you doing the fishing for once?," I say - Pouty look from the deck... "No, you do it!"
"Could you just fire that cannon for me dear?" - "Shan't!"
"Do scrub the decks, it's your turn" - "Won't"

And this morning...

"There's a lovely plank you can walk....Here, let me help you."
'SPLASH'

Boat

[Belle33]

Man!  Talk about overreacting!  Lucky for you I'm an excellent swimmer.  Obviously, as cute as you are, I can't overlook your attempted homicide.  We're so very through!!!

*paddles off, makes friends with a giant killer octopus, and points him in Boat's direction grinning*

[Boatman]

"Ho, ho. I hear that giant killer octopus line every day."
Doubles up with laughter.
Hah, "I even use it myself, however jaded."

"Arghhh... A GIANT KILLER OCTOPUS OFF THE PORT BOW!"

[saphireMARIE]

You are like so melodramatic,
It cant be much bigger than your p- oh wait that's easy to beat.
Belle did me a favour killing you off..
Bye Boaty

[Boatman]

It's your determination to speak in tongues all the time that I tried, but failed, to accommodate.
I know this is entirely my fault, and I realise you would tell me in no uncertain terms if you could.

This is also so sad because even though I would probably glaze over for most of your girly tongue chat, I really do like to converse with you.
Galb, clbb, bblllbbb, slurp; my dear.

[Chasseybaby]

Boat,

I thought I broke up with you already? Stop coming back! Okay so the sex is Amazing! but thats all that we have together... I cant take your pirate fetish, though sword play in the bedroom is fun but jumping on the table during a dinner party to make a toast is so embarrassing.... >.< Please just loose my number and Ill delete yours.

Chass*

Ps. was the rum yours or mine?

[Boatman]

Dear Baby,

T'was the monarch herself who allowed me that rum for hazardous duties in her name.
God save her etc (for any secret service listening in)

What you thought was sword play was in fact the ceremonial carving of the traditional Sunday roast dinner.
Although I admit I did enjoy playing pirates afterwards. Sorry about the chandelier though.
Yeah, but didn't you prefer playing doctors and nurses?
Ah well, never mind.
We are obviously incompatible... apart from the sex.
And who needs that.

Bye

B

[XxPersephonexX]

Boatman,

You always seem to have time for the Rum and carving the roast dinner, but everytime I wnated you to pour some sugar on me, you would turn away and leave in the dark to drown in my own sorrow, so I'm sorry but I'm stealing your boat and leaving you stranded on an island!

Love always,
Persephone.

[Boatman]

Dear Seph,

I am aware I am mostly to blame.
It is just that when we were, you know, together, your sugar coating became so sticky on contact with my sweat that we kept waking up welded together.
On medical advice, I've given up sugar.

You are so so sweet, sorry.

B

[Marguerite]

Dear Boat,

Unfortunately, I found a bigger boat to ride in, in fact, it's a yacht. I'm sorry, but you'll have to sail away by yourself and man your own deck.

Marguerite

[Boatman]

Dear M,

That yacht looks small from here.
Turns telescope round... silly me.

I just wanted to say, two things.
Firstly, I'd wished you'd settled, for a few hours at least.
But no. This incessant jumping into the first vehicle you see has been difficult to for me to keep up with.
I mean last week when you leapt into the dust cart and I had to rescue you from the tip and hose you down.
And then soak you in a vat of disinfectant.
No, no.... it's too much.

So, secondly. I hope you enjoy your time with that slave trader I paid to pick you up.

Waves,
(and more waves)

Boat

[saphireMARIE]

You taste too salty for my liking,
I prefer sweet.

Bye babe.
SweetSaphire<3

[Boatman]

SM,

It is the finest sea salt.
People pay a lot for such things.
But, I am a little surprised you noticed as you always seem to have your lips glued to the nearest female.
Difficult when we went out anywhere.
Sadly, you are dumped.

B

[Belle33]

Listen Boat.... There's no easy way to say this. It's become clear to me that your heart already belongs to someone else.  The sea is your true mistress, and I could never complete with her.  So, it's over.  *sobs and runs off* 

[Vill]

Argh, I'll do what Boat should have done long ago: walk the plank, sea wench! The open ocean is the only woman salty enough for me!

[Boatman]

Vill,

Yer said we'd be mates... fresh blood handshake, the ol' pirate code an all that'.
Then yer goes an' drops beauteous Belle over the side.
That were fine enough in itself...
But she had the treasure map tucked in her knickers.

I'm plottin' a separate course from now on.

B

[Vill]

Boatman,

You run a hard hand over the scurves beneath you,
I always appreciated your way with navigation and dead reckoning see through,
but you lost sight when you couldn't see through a knave,
She didn't have the lost map,
I gave it to my British slave.

You're not as cold as I thought, so from here on out: I've got my own bloody crew that I have to worry about.
You're good -- too good to be left alive with your own vessel,
So my only choice left is to leave your ship shipwrecked and utterly crippled.