Fifty Shades trilogy by E.L. James

[Will]

True to that. Probably one of the reasons why reading a bit of Fifty Shades was so weird for me. Also, Kushiel's books are amazing.

Carey created a really captivating world and culture!  Dart was really slow-going for me early on, but once it picked up I was hooked.

[SeriousMoonlight]

There are 2,443 ellipses in the Fifty Shades trilogy. That's approximately two per page.

219 instances of the word "jeez". 284 instances of the word "baby" (there are no actual babies in these books). 186 instances of "oh my". The writing is atrocious. I'm not sure why you'd put the phrase "holy moses" or "holy crap" in the middle of a sex scene?

I guess I'll put my thoughts under a spoiler tag since it deals with the book's "plot", particularly how it ends, but here's why it really grated on me - basically I think it presents an incredibly problematic and unhealthy representation of BDSM and D/s relationships.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

What the main characters have isn't a relationship that any sane practitioner of BDSM would ever endorse. Ana is repeatedly coerced and pushed into the situation, and she mentions multiple times that it makes her feel uncomfortable and unsafe. She comments multiple times on how she is afraid and unsure, and it's clear she just agrees to the D/s part of the relationship to please Christian. She also makes a lot of comments about how him wanting to hurt women "makes her sad". At the end of the book, she asks him to hit her as hard as he can, because she wants to know how it feels. So he does, and she flips her shit and breaks up with him and leaves and says there is something "wrong" with him.

And of course, Christian can't just be a Dominant because that's what gets him off. No, it's because he has a tragic past and he was abused and so he can't have "normal" sex. His tragic past is the only reason he's into BDSM, and that's... really bad. It's just all around bad and problematic. It makes me sad that this is how the general public is going to view BDSM, because it's so far from the truth.

Also, for your enjoyment terror: the infamous tampon scene, under the spoiler cut:

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

Weirdness and "what the fuck"-ery aside, you can see the writing is. Well. It's whatever that is.

[Will]

* Will does a spittake, choking and sputtering.

...Anyway.

I guess I'll put my thoughts under a spoiler tag since it deals with the book's "plot", particularly how it ends, but here's why it really grated on me - basically I think it presents an incredibly problematic and unhealthy representation of BDSM and D/s relationships.

So basically, it's doing for BDSM relationships what Twilight did for vanilla ones?

[Saerrael]

Good Lord. I read reviews and snippets, but I had no idea it was that badly written. My jaws actually tensed while reading that fragment and it makes me wonder how on earth people get through 'writing' like this. With intact sanity, I mean.

*goes to attempt bleach his brain*

[SeriousMoonlight]

So basically, it's doing for BDSM relationships what Twilight did for vanilla ones?

I laughed a little too loudly at this.

On the bright side of Fifty Shades, at least it makes me feel a hell of a lot better about my own erotica  ;D

[Saerrael]

I laughed a little too loudly at this.

On the bright side of Fifty Shades, at least it makes me feel a hell of a lot better about my own erotica  ;D

I seriously doubt we have writers here on Elli that could not out-write that book >.>'

[Will]

No kidding!  It's inspirational, really.

[Samael]

Oniya alluded to that, but wasn't the book actually a fanfiction written -about- Twilight?

[Will]

Yep.

[Shjade]

I seriously doubt we have writers here on Elli that could not out-write that book >.>'

I'd have to disagree. >.>

[Will]

I'd have to disagree. >.>

Rofl.  I know we do; I've written with them.

[SinXAzgard21]

Rofl.  I know we do; I've written with them.

From some of the stuff I read, I wonder why most hear are not already authors.

[Izzie Aditi]

Dear God, that tampon-scene was atrocious. Horrific. Terrible. *gags*

I haven't come across writing that uninspired in a long time. And first person writing *shudders* I could never get through more than the first chapter of the Hunger Games because of that ::)

[Shjade]

From some of the stuff I read, I wonder why most hear are not already authors.

Because marketing, publishing, publicity, other things that make a lot of people say, "Fuck that noise."

Writing is only, what, maybe 40% of authorship in the professional/commercial sense? And that's a generous number.

[Silverfyre]

As both a publisher and a published author, I can say that your assessment is about dead on, Shjade. The other 60 percent is PR, advertising, editing, brainstorming and customer service. A lot of work goes into it unless you manage to market yourself and your work so well that you land with a major publisher that will handlle all the legwork and polishing for you.

[Stone]

Yeah, I've read a handful of books in first person.  The Kushiel's books by Jacqueline Carey, for example.  I think it's the present tense that really throws me off.  And the combination of the two gives it a really strange feel. : /

Chuck Palahniuk writes in the first person, present tense style quite a lot.

It's supposed to mimic on-the-field/interview/entourage journalism, where this style used to be in vogue. Almost a gimmick, like found footage movies (Cloverfield, Blair Witch Project). Just like everything else, if it's done well it can be excellent. If not, well, you get Fifty Shades of Douche.

Fifty bucks say she read all those writing articles on Chuck's website and took them to heart. Tampon scenes and all.

No kidding!  It's inspirational, really.

Is it? Good writers aren't all that hard to find. Mediocre writers who get published and sell so many copies do a lot of things that a lot of good writers either don't, or can't. And writing tripe is one of those things.

[Shjade]

As both a publisher and a published author, I can say that your assessment is about dead on, Shjade. The other 60 percent is PR, advertising, editing, brainstorming and customer service. A lot of work goes into it unless you manage to market yourself and your work so well that you land with a major publisher that will handlle all the legwork and polishing for you.

Yeah, it was exploring all that stuff that pushed me to just give up on the idea of actually making a living with creative writing. I might enjoy writing, I might have talent doing it and imagination to craft ideas for it, but I absolutely lack the skillset required to turn any of that into a profitable venture. Sucks, but hey, that's realism. :|

[SinXAzgard21]

You know looking at this thread, I think the OP sorta just left this alone after the first few comments.

[Star Safyre]

In case you're wondering just how bad it is (or why it's bad), I'm actually enjoying a real good sporking of it here.  They're only up through chapter five, but from what I've seen, there's no way I could have made it through chapter two without throwing it through a window.  Classism, misogyny, victim-blaming, stalking, pseudo-intellectualism, lack of research, shitty grammar, blatant rip-offs of already bad literature: it's all so much worse than I imagined.

[The Golden Touch]

They're going to make a movie out of a book full of sex?  Creative camera angles and fade-to-black can get you through a couple of sex scenes in a movie, but as I understand it, there's quite a bit of fucking in Fifty Shades.  And in some detail, too (although the detail seems to stop once the vagina comes into the picture. :P).  Keeping an R rating would be a hell of a feat.

Just make it a porn... Seriously.


To be truthful, I almost picked up the first of the trilogy for my Ibooks app. The book listed at 9.99... Instead, I spent 2.99 on three different romance novels that have more plot than this series.  Um, fuck you E. L. James, fuck you and your horse.

Ugh... If it is this easy to publish trash based on more trash... What is happening to the world?!

[Oniya]

Was that actually a scan of the page?  If so, the editor needs a good lashing with a typewriter ribbon (preferably, still in the plastic cartridge). 

'Holding, h me in place'?

[SinXAzgard21]

In case you're wondering just how bad it is (or why it's bad), I'm actually enjoying a real good sporking of it here.  They're only up through chapter five, but from what I've seen, there's no way I could have made it through chapter two without throwing it through a window.  Classism, misogyny, victim-blaming, stalking, pseudo-intellectualism, lack of research, shitty grammar, blatant rip-offs of already bad literature: it's all so much worse than I imagined.

Hahahaha, sporking.

[Iniquitous]

OMG Thank you Star for posting the link to the sporking. I am rolling over here reading this. A much better read than the actual book!

[Trouble]

A sad, SAD day.

It turns out none of the Toy Story movies are on Netflix's streaming. I've been in the mood for something soul-crushingly sad, so I figured I might as well look at Amazon and see if there's a box set.

Lo and behold, there is one!

Out of curiosity, I pan down to the 'See what other people are buying!' section.

It was ALL Shades of Grey stuff. All of it.

Not the kind of toys I wanted to hear stories about. :c

[Oniya]

Out of curiosity, I pan down to the 'See what other people are buying!' section.

It was ALL Shades of Grey stuff. All of it.

Not the kind of toys I wanted to hear stories about. :c

*snrk*  Well... if they were done by better writers, those could be very interesting stories.  >:)  Gives 'You've Got a Friend In Me' a whole new meaning.