My pregnancy wish - Hoping for a second child

[AngelicFaith]

Hello dear readers,

Welcome to my blog, and thank you for reading. As the title states, this blog will be about my wish for a second child. About my journey to make this wish come true.

First of, I would like to tell you a little something about me. I am currently 29 years young, married to a wonderful man (who I met through here, great, right?), and mother of a wonderful 3 year old son. (Well, almost 3, but lets just say he's 3). I am so very grateful to have these two men in my life and I love them both to bits (even if they drive me nuts sometimes  ;D).

Our son is a true miracle, actually. Why? Well, because I have Turner's Syndrome and should be infertile. So the fact that he exists is truly a miracle.
What is Turner's Syndrome you're now probably wondering. Well, to explain things easy: it's a chromosomal defect. I have one chromosome less than normal people. Yes, the opposite of Down Syndrome. This defect causes my body to not produce enough growth hormone, causing me to be very little. It can also have other 'side effects' but I won't go into that, except for one. It also causes infertility due to the reproductive organs remaining underdeveloped.

I happen to have mosaic Turner's Syndrome, which means that part of my cells have 3 XXX, another part has 2 XX and yet another part has 1 X. When you have classic Turner Syndrome, all cells have 1 X. (X means the x-chromosome).

And that is what makes me very lucky.

As explained above I should be infertile, but I belong to the very small percentage of lucky woman who's reproductive organs have developed (think 2-5% of all women with Turner's Syndrome).
But even then I still have a very high percentage to miscarry.

I think you're starting to understand now why my son is such a miracle, right?

And now we are trying, and hoping, to be blessed with a second child to complete our happy family.

With my first one, I got pregnant instantly after I stopped taking the pill. Neither of us had expected that, knowing my background. Of course we were thrilled. This time it is taking a bit longer. We are now going to round three.

The reason I am creating this blog is that it helps me to write. Sometimes I just need to write things down, get things of my chest.
Also, infertility and struggling with infertility, is much more common than we think, yet so little is spoken about it. I want to help break this taboo, and to possibly let others know they are not alone.

Thank you for reading <3

Much love,

Faith

[RedRose]

Wishing you all the best!

[mh0131]

Wow after reading your blog I must say I wish you nothing but the best and a happy pregnancy. You deserve a baby keep the faith and never lose hope sweetie. Congrats on your miracle baby as well.

[AngelicFaith]

Thank you RedRose and mh0131

*smiles softly*

[AngelicFaith]

Time for a small update on my part:

Currently I am feeling ready moody, like seriously moody.
Also... freaking cramps!
And not to forget sensitive breasts.

Aarrgghhhh...

I just hope it's ovulation/ nestling, and not Mother Nature deciding to come waaaaaay early.

Guess we'll find out soon enough.

If it is Mother Nature showing up way too early I swear I'm kicking her out again. Just go take a very long holiday, please and stop messing with my body! Thank you  8-)

[AngelicFaith]

And another small update.

Day 24 of my cyle, and no period to be seen yet!
My cycle is always short, and about 25 days longest.
Normally I would already be showing signs of my period arriving, and even spotting. But... absolutely nothing to be seen!

Eeeeeeeks!

You can't believe how nervous I am right now.

Either it's a really, really good sign and I'm pregnant, or it's a bad sign, a sign of me heading into my menopauze...

So yeah... the next few days are going to be really nerv wreaking!

Please keep fingers crossed for me <3

[LadyAthene]

I wish you all the best, Angelic!

I'm similar to you, in my own ways. I have my own condition that makes it hard for me to conceive (PCOS/Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). In that regard, I know and understand how frustrating it can be to not get pregnant. I'm trying to get my own second child, also.

I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and hope for fortune to smile down on you.

Feel free to send me a PM if you ever want to further talk or just chat.

-Athene

[Black Howling]

I actually have a condition that I was told would leave me infertile. It was crushing news that turned out to be false, but that feeling I had when I was first told makes me feel deeply for you. I wish you all the luck in the world, and am definitely going to keep up with this blog.

[AngelicFaith]

I wish you all the best, Angelic!

I'm similar to you, in my own ways. I have my own condition that makes it hard for me to conceive (PCOS/Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). In that regard, I know and understand how frustrating it can be to not get pregnant. I'm trying to get my own second child, also.

I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and hope for fortune to smile down on you.

Feel free to send me a PM if you ever want to further talk or just chat.

-Athene

I wish you all the best and a very fertile womb as well! I will keep you in my thoughts also. I believe my sister-in-law has the same condition. She received medication and is now pregnant.

Best of luck to you!

And you may also PM me if you need someone to talk to. It oftens feels we don't get to be sad for not conceiving, because we already conceived once. So it's nice to have someone to share these feelings with and who understands.

I actually have a condition that I was told would leave me infertile. It was crushing news that turned out to be false, but that feeling I had when I was first told makes me feel deeply for you. I wish you all the luck in the world, and am definitely going to keep up with this blog.

Oh dear... that is awful to be so crushed when there's actually nothing wrong. I am glad to hear it was false.
Thank you for your kind words and compasion.

[AngelicFaith]

Update

Day 28 of my cycle

So... still no definite answer as to whether I'm actually pregnant, or if my body is just messing with me.

Like I mentioned before, I have always short cycles, and I should be having my period right now.
Last Saturday I had some blood loss, and yesterday too. However, today it already seems to be going away again. So I still haven't had my actual period yet. I did a test last Saturday, but it was negative. But that could also be because it was still a bit too soon.

We have decided that if by the end of this week we still don't have a definite answer, I'll be going to the doctor for a blood test. So until then it's going to be a few days of uncertainty.

I really thought I was pregnant this time, and was bummed when the test was negative and a bit later I had some blood loss. But now I'm starting to slowly hope again. I have this nausea in my lower belly which I recognize from my first pregnancy, and it feels like a balloon. I also can't stand pants at the moment, my belly hates them right now. Also something that is familiar.

So yeah... would it be?

...............

[LadyAthene]

I'm curious about something. If the question doesn't bother you too much, I hope you wouldn't mind enlightening me.

It sounds like Turner's Syndrome has the capability to make a body react/feel as if it were experiencing pregnancy symptoms but isn't actually in such a state? That's how I read/interpreted your words anyway. Was I right in reading that correctly?

Either way, it's mainly intriguing because ... I'm not sure if PCOS is meant to do that, but I've had episodes where I noticed symptoms also. Alas, every test came out negative, But it all felt almost the exact same as when I first got pregnant [which is another similarity between us; we both became expecting pretty soon after doing something. For me, though, it was moving in with my husband/boyfriend at the time].

I know how nerve-wracking even a few days can feel waiting for. If you have any decent distractions (this site :P, favorite books/games/anime/whatever), use them until your appointment. The less you fret about the results, the better it'll all go, regardless of the outcome.

Wishing you well,
Athene

[The Dark Raven]

Remember stress can be a trigger for a missed period also.  I cannot imagine the stress of trying for a family with Turner's.  I wish you all the best!

[AngelicFaith]

I'm curious about something. If the question doesn't bother you too much, I hope you wouldn't mind enlightening me.

It sounds like Turner's Syndrome has the capability to make a body react/feel as if it were experiencing pregnancy symptoms but isn't actually in such a state? That's how I read/interpreted your words anyway. Was I right in reading that correctly?

Either way, it's mainly intriguing because ... I'm not sure if PCOS is meant to do that, but I've had episodes where I noticed symptoms also. Alas, every test came out negative, But it all felt almost the exact same as when I first got pregnant [which is another similarity between us; we both became expecting pretty soon after doing something. For me, though, it was moving in with my husband/boyfriend at the time].

I know how nerve-wracking even a few days can feel waiting for. If you have any decent distractions (this site :P, favorite books/games/anime/whatever), use them until your appointment. The less you fret about the results, the better it'll all go, regardless of the outcome.

Wishing you well,
Athene

Feeling pregnant is not a symptom of Turner's Syndrome. At least, not as far as I know. However, my body can still mess with me, haha.

It's so frustrating when your body is fooling you like that. It's just not fair, is it?

Remember stress can be a trigger for a missed period also.  I cannot imagine the stress of trying for a family with Turner's.  I wish you all the best!

Hello Raven,

Yes, I am aware of that. Luckily the stress levels are pretty low. I can't really say I'm super stressed.

And thank you.

[AngelicFaith]

Update

Day 30 of my cycle

I just went to the doctor. I have had some blood loss since past Saturday, but it hasn't really gone further than that. So I can't say I'm on my period or had my period. It's just too little to be called that.

So I decided to go to the doctor, and explain her what is going on. Just like me, she sees three possible options of what is happening:

1) I'm pregnant
2) I'm still de-pilling (You know, when your body needs time to get back to its natural cycle after stopping with anticonception).
3) I'm getting into menopause real early

So right now I still don't have a definitive answer. I have a prescription now to have blood drawn and tested for pregnancy.
I have decided that I will take another pregnancy within a few days, and if after the weekend, I still don't have an answer, I will do another one, and if that one if still negative, I'll have blood drawn.

So yeah... still fingers crossed!

[Serephino]

I'm hoping the best for you!  When I was told I had PCOS and would probably be infertile, even though I wasn't exactly planning on kids anyway it was still a blow, you know?  But my mom told me she has it too and got pregnant with me on the first try.  So you know, when it's meant to be...  Your son was obviously meant to be, and I'll be crossing my fingers that your wish will come true too.

[AngelicFaith]

WARNING: ranting

Okay, I'm sooooo having enough of this! Of my body not knowing what it wants, keeping me in insecurity, messing with me, fooling me, making me wait and keep stalling... Like seriously... get over it and let's continue! Grrrrr...

This morning started wonderfully, thinking that the spotting had stopped, which meant no real period, which meant a chance I'm pregnant.
But nope... my body isn't done messing with me yet. Later today I started spotting again. And now I'm having horrible period cramps.

Aaarrgghhh... those horrible, horrible cramps!

I'm so fet up with my body right now.

Just get it over with and let my period come through so we can go to the next round. But for crying out loud... stop stalling!
Either go away completely, or come through fully.

Just freaking choose already!

Ugh... I feel horrible... Like really awful :-(

[BentLycan93]

I hope you don't mind me keeping you in my thoughts and praying for you?
Keep trying and don't give up.
I will send good thoughts and vibes your way.

[The Dark Raven]

WARNING: ranting

Okay, I'm sooooo having enough of this! Of my body not knowing what it wants, keeping me in insecurity, messing with me, fooling me, making me wait and keep stalling... Like seriously... get over it and let's continue! Grrrrr...

This morning started wonderfully, thinking that the spotting had stopped, which meant no real period, which meant a chance I'm pregnant.
But nope... my body isn't done messing with me yet. Later today I started spotting again. And now I'm having horrible period cramps.

Aaarrgghhh... those horrible, horrible cramps!

I'm so fet up with my body right now.

Just get it over with and let my period come through so we can go to the next round. But for crying out loud... stop stalling!
Either go away completely, or come through fully.

Just freaking choose already!

Ugh... I feel horrible... Like really awful :-(

Another thought...could it be implantation bleeding and cramps?  Mine were awful with mine.  Keep paddling!  <3

[AngelicFaith]

I hope you don't mind me keeping you in my thoughts and praying for you?
Keep trying and don't give up.
I will send good thoughts and vibes your way.

That is really sweet of you. Thank you.

Another thought...could it be implantation bleeding and cramps?  Mine were awful with mine.  Keep paddling!  <3

Well... my period has finally come through. I'm not sure if I feel implantation cramps. Maybe I do, haha. But that wasn't it now.

[AngelicFaith]

ROUND 4
Day 1

My period decided to come through after all, which is quite frankly both relief and disappointment. I had really high hopes this time. Maybe I was pregnant, but it was an early (natural) abortion. We don't know, and never will know.

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and support. They give me strength when I need it most.

So now it's up to round four while I keep following as my mantra:

[Nowherewoman]

*hugs* So sorry things didn't turn out as you'd hoped, Angel.

[Sofia Grace]

Sending positive vibes your way.  <3

[AngelicFaith]

Round 4
Day 18

Time for another update!
It has been a bit quiet here for the past few weeks, but that's because we started a new round, and there's simply not much to tell until you're reaching the end of your cycle again. I mean... we all know what happens in the meantime, right?  ;D

Anyway... we celebrated our son's third birthday past weekend, and we had a wonderful time with friends and family, and very nice weather. Yet at the same time it does make me realize how much I'd like to have a second child. The next few days are going to be tough. It's always hard to have to wait, not knowing if you're pregnant or not. I hate that insecurity.

So for everyone still reading and following this blog: keep your fingers crossed for us <3

[Naughty Miss Adventure]

Here's wishing you the best of luck (and fun!) on your attempt.

[AngelicFaith]

Round 4
Day 25

Day 25... the day that usually my period comes through. Thus far, there is nothing to be seen yet. But I can tell you that every time I go to the bathroom I expect to see my period having come through. Last round, I had high hopes when on day 25 there was still nothing to be seen, but then later that day, it came through after all. So I guess that's the reason why I'm now constantly expecting my period to come through any minute now.

Luckily my body has finally stopped messing with me, as in... it has stopped making me feel all these symptoms. When it did that it always made me believe I was pregnant, only to find out I had been fooled yet again. So I'm glad that has stopped.

I guess all I can do now is wait a bit longer.

And Mother Nature? Please, please, please allow me this precious gift and send Miss Period away for the coming 9 months or so? Thank you!

[Rhedyn]

I just wanted to stop by and wish you all the best. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[Amaris]

Wanted to stop in and wish you the best!

[HoodedStranger]

I'm really sorry you have this condition that inhibits you from conceiving and you're not kidding, infertility and troubles conceiving is such a big problem nowadays with all of the beauty products and such being flushed down drains and mixing with drinking water and being consumed. It's also leading to a higher birth rate of females over males as well.

I'm sending you all the best wishes! Never give up and I'm sure it'll happen when you least expect it!

[AngelicFaith]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. It means a lot to me <3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Round 4
Day 27

I am honestly not sure what to say right now. I am just so tired, so very, very tired. Both physically and mentally. I'm currently potty training (or toilet training, to be precise) my three year old toddler, and it just drains me of all my energy. He is truly doing an amazing job, and I'm very proud of him, but it's very exhausting.

Also... tomorrow is day 28, and I had planned to do a pregnancy test tomorrow, but I don't think I'll be doing it. I don't want to. I'm just too afraid it'll be a negative result again, and I just can't see another test with a negative result. While in the beginning, I couldn't wait to do a test, now I've reached the point where I don't want to take them anymore, too afraid to get disappointed again. I just can't do it right now, I just can't. It's too hard.

This morning, there was blood when wiping myself clean, but later today that disappeared and now there's just only some very light residu when wiping. So now I expect my period to come through after all, so I'm going to wait several days to see if it does. I'm just going to wait it out and see what it does.

Also... did I mention I feel awful? I'm cramping, terrible head aches (while they're normally rare for me), and I'm just feeling sick in my stomach...

Sorry that this post is so down, but I had to get this off my chest. I just want to crawl into bed with warm blankets and my favorite plush toy... Tears are literally burning behind my eyes right now...

The waiting game continues...

[HoodedStranger]

Sounds like you and your husband should take a small, weekend vacation. Maybe to your favorite place or amusement park, bring the little guy along if you wish. Do something fun! Nothing takes the mind off the stress of the day like having fun as a family. That could be something as cheap as going fishing at a local pond or having a picnic in the park to going horseback riding or going to the beach (per proper circumstances and local available activities of course!). It sounds like you're worrying too much about this and it's causing you to stress out when you see the failures. I struggle from the same issue mentally, I have a problem observing a lot of the negatives in the world with my family; but, I can easily point out or brighten someone else's day with something positive.

Just do as your thinking, try not to think about it for a few days, do what comes naturally and enjoy your three old! Maybe take him and the family somewhere to celebrate his progress on potty training?

Just ideas and suggestions!

[AngelicFaith]

Round 4
Day 30

I am in soooooo much pain right now. I have terrible, terrible cramps. So bad, that I just had to take asperins because I couldn't handle it anymore.

Since last Wednesday (day 27) I have been having light bleedings, but my period hasn't broken through fully yet. I did a test this morning, but it was negative. So right now I guess all I can do is wait a bit longer to see if my period does decide to come through fully, or if it will go away completely. Either way, I hope these terrible cramps will leave soon as well.

This is the fourth day that I'm having these light bleedings, and usually, my period would have come through by now. The last three times when my period came through, I also had aching breasts, which I don't have right now either.

So yeah... I have no idea what's going on right now...

Anyway... I'm going to lay down on the couch for a bit until the aspirin kicks in and hopefully reliefs me of this pain.

[Galanthor]

Hug tightly.

Hope things get better for you :/

[Luna333]

Hello!

To be honest I was quite suprised when I read your blog. After all I also have Turner. I only learned about 5 (I was like 15/16) years ago that I have a very low chance of having children (previously I hadn't known about that part) when mom told me. It was a hard realization. And it only got harder because I still want to have a baby. And the people who know are trying to comfort me basically with "there is always adoption".

I wonder how your experiences with Turner differ from mine?
Best wishes and I hope you succeed
I hope you feel better soon and sorry for basically unloading on you.

[AngelicFaith]

Hug tightly.

Hope things get better for you :/

Thank you sweety *hugs back*

Hello!

To be honest I was quite suprised when I read your blog. After all I also have Turner. I only learned about 5 (I was like 15/16) years ago that I have a very low chance of having children (previously I hadn't known about that part) when mom told me. It was a hard realization. And it only got harder because I still want to have a baby. And the people who know are trying to comfort me basically with "there is always adoption".

I wonder how your experiences with Turner differ from mine?
Best wishes and I hope you succeed
I hope you feel better soon and sorry for basically unloading on you.

Oh... didn't expect to find someone else with Turner's Syndrome here. It's nice when you're not alone.

I completely understand what you mean that it's hard to have a pregnancy wish, and that no one understands you, understands what you're going through. It's really hard, and no one else gets it. Except those who also can't have children but wish to become parents.

As for differences... everyone is different. I have mosaic TS, I don't know if you have Classic or Mosaic TS?
Also, I have known since I was just a little child myself that I had TS and most likely would never be able to have children of my own. So I knew what to expect. It was when I started having my period around age 11 that we thought I might be able to conceive after all. I have spent years in uncertainty, not knowing whether or not I could have children of my own. It was about 6 years ago that I underwent tests to finally have an answer. The result was that yes, I was able to conceive, but that my reserves (eggs) were lower than with a normal woman. So if I wanted to have children, I should start as soon as possible before it was too late.

Also, I am very little. I did receive growth hormone, but because I went into puberty on my own, it stopped my growth completely. So I'm still very little.

This is pretty much my experience with TS.

And no need to apologize!

[AngelicFaith]

Round 5
Day 5

And we're going to the next round! Whoop!
J/K of course, but I couldn't resist to put some humor into this. Without some humor, this would be even tougher than it already is.

So yeah, sadly round 4 didn't provide us with another miracle.

One thing I've noticed is that the last two rounds, my cycle was about 30 days long, while before my first pregnancy, it was always around 25 days. The doctor told me that your cycle can change after a pregnancy, and apparently mine has. At least, I hope that's the reason, and that there isn't anything else behind it.

Anyway... we'll try again this cycle and hoping for the best.

[Luna333]

Oh... didn't expect to find someone else with Turner's Syndrome here. It's nice when you're not alone.

I completely understand what you mean that it's hard to have a pregnancy wish, and that no one understands you, understands what you're going through. It's really hard, and no one else gets it. Except those who also can't have children but wish to become parents.

As for differences... everyone is different. I have mosaic TS, I don't know if you have Classic or Mosaic TS?
Also, I have known since I was just a little child myself that I had TS and most likely would never be able to have children of my own. So I knew what to expect. It was when I started having my period around age 11 that we thought I might be able to conceive after all. I have spent years in uncertainty, not knowing whether or not I could have children of my own. It was about 6 years ago that I underwent tests to finally have an answer. The result was that yes, I was able to conceive, but that my reserves (eggs) were lower than with a normal woman. So if I wanted to have children, I should start as soon as possible before it was too late.

Also, I am very little. I did receive growth hormone, but because I went into puberty on my own, it stopped my growth completely. So I'm still very little.

This is pretty much my experience with TS.

And no need to apologize!

Hello again!

Thank you for your kind words. It is nice to talk to someone else with Turner.

For my part I also have mosaic but I never got a period so they started me on medications. Around then was also when they stopped my growth hormone injections since I wasnt growing much anymore at that point. I am also still quite small. And I always knew I had TS my parents just didn't explain the infertility until I was older. I quess they hoped I could have children. Well at least I have my very cute baby godson to spoil.

Hoping you all the best AngelicFaith!

[AngelicFaith]

Round 5
Day 12

I'm afraid that we can cross off this round as well. My libido is extremely low, and my belly has been acting up. A lot of cramps. And sometimes even nausea. Last night I really thought I was going to puke. So yeah, I'm basically feeling like crap right now. So I don't think we'll manage to get pregnant this round with me feeling like this. I'm also feeling a bit down.

*sighs*

I just hope I'll feel better soon.

[gaggedLouise]

Hope you and C will have another child in time, and not too long. :)

[FreeElk]

I can only wish you the best.

I know how hard it can be when you've got a condition and people who know nothing about your conditions keep giving suggestions like "Have you tried going for a walk in the park?", "Are you drinking enough water?" and "Are you sure you aren't over working yourself?" are the common ones I get and people don't understand how hard that is to hear. It makes it sound like its your fault and you feel bad enough as it is. Well, it isn't your fault.

The fact is you've got the desire and the mindset - whatever anyone else says you're doing your best  :-) That is all anyone can do. You're giving baby number 2 the best chance you can.

Good luck!

[HoodedStranger]

Sorry to hear you're still not having any luck Angelic! I hope things get better and you get lucky soon!