1001 Things not to say to your Boss

[Rider of Wind]

Do you have a tat on your butt?!? Can I see?!?

[Autumn52]

Did I do that or did you?

[PaleEnchantress]

I thought you just hired me because I looked good.

[Autumn52]

The main server crashed and they traced the cause to the "extra stuff" on the computer in your office.

[Jag]

How far up your bum does that stick go? Cause I think it's frozen up there. We should call a doctor pronto or get you to the ER. Don't worry about work while you're in surgery for your stick removal, I do your job better than you anyways.

[Autumn52]

You have got to be kidding me, you expect me to do that.

[Lirliel]

What.. you want me to actually work for the money you pay me, up my paycheck and maybe I'll work.

[Sel Nar]

Wait... that's your Wife? I thought it was just an ugly bulldog.

[Autumn52]

You idiot how could you think that would work.

[Lady Haven]

Sir what am I suppose to do with this second set of accounting books I found?

[TheLegionary]

Sir, I have just handed in that second set of accounting books to that gorgeous blonde official of the Securities and Exchange Commission. Did I do well?

[Azrael]

Wearing your wife's panties makes me really hard.

[MasterMischief]

After finding my supervisor's performance review that he wrote for himself, a co-worker and I made some 'corrections'.  One of which 'corrected' the sentence, "Installed new tape degaussing machine" to "Supervised the installation of new tape degaussing machine from a safe distance."

I was later confronted by my supervisor who asked me point blank if that is really the way I felt about him.  I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Yes."


My current boss is quite attractive.  I would love to ask her to sexually harass me.


"When is the plastictimy?"
"What's a plastictimy?"
"That is where they surgically place a window in your abdomen so when you have your head up your ass, you can see where you are going."

[Isengrad]

You know your daughter really takes after her mother in bed.

[MasterMischief]

"If I were as incompetent as you are, you would have fired me already."

[MasterMischief]

"I am sorry.  Are you speaking or farting.  I can not tell the difference."

[MasterMischief]

"Now is not really a good time.  Could you come back when you know what it is I actually do?"

[MasterMischief]

"I love my job.  It is the customers I can not stand."

[MasterMischief]

"Diploma?  You are going to laugh at this one.  You know my application?  I lied."

[MasterMischief]

"Have you always been such a tool?"

[MasterMischief]

Stolen from Bull Durham

"Do you have any naked pictures of your wife?  Wanna see some?"

[MasterMischief]

"This place is great.  My last job had this strict policy against drinking while on the job."

[MasterMischief]

"Hey, do you know a way to get around the company firewall?"

[Nico]

"The new coworker's got such a damn fine ass."

[Shadowstrike2]

Well if you'd like me to do an office review i can always strip down. I promise i'm just as good as i was at the interview.