Where did my voice go?

[Trieste]

While I normally write about sex, I felt moved to share something that grabbed me this morning.

Where did my voice go? I know I have one. I've used it to speak up for myself and for others. I have used it to encourage a loved one to do the right thing, for themselves or for someone else. I have used it to call out an injustice, to express rage and pain, to point to something that I feel is Not Right.

I have to cultivate my voice, or it will break into a thousand pieces and lose its power. My voice is diminished by a thousand other voices. It is diminished by the child's voice that tells me grownups know best, even when they hurt me. It is diminished by the young woman's voice that tells me that he really does love her. He just has problems, and she should be more supportive. There is the voice that tells me not to bother people, and that I'm probably just being paranoid. There is a little voice that tells me not to be alarmist, and to know my place: in the quiet, in the dark. The voice that tells me I'm not good enough is one of the worst. It screams and howls and rages in my ear so loud that I don't understand why others don't hear it. The voice tells me I'm never going to reach my goals because I'm lazy, I'm stupid, and I'll never amount to anything.

My own voice defeats me if I don't work to keep it as a unified whole. If I let it fragment, if I let it scatter into pieces, it will work against me. My voice is a community: it is stronger than its pieces, and greater than the sum of its parts. Without unity, without balance, my voice is nothing. It steals my power. It takes from me.

I am not the only one.

[Kurzyk]

This is very powerful Trieste and refreshing. Relieving to know that i'm not the only one who hears those voices.

What you described as that loud voice telling you that you're lazy, stupid and never amounting to everything, I hear all the time; especially now that i'm getting nearer to 40, am more tired, and am back in college trying to reinvent myself. It feels sometimes like i'm trying to roll a boulder uphill.

I hear it during the nano month, or really any time I do any writing and -especially- when I try to play or write music. Writing music is the worst. It's so bad in my life that i've actually stopped altogether. :/ I felt as if I just wasn't good enough for the ideas in my heart and mind.

I keep trying to fight it, and play now and then, and think of pieces. I keep assuring myself that ill get the equipment I need someday, or sit down and jot some licks down.

I really hate that voice that tells me those things.

However, and what really stood out to me was, what you said about working to keep the voice as a unified whole. That's the solution, almost as if when its out of balance the pieces scatter all over the place and drive us crazy. But in balance, it is a voice of freedom, courage and leadership.

It was wonderful reading this. Thank you.

[Mithlomwen]

That was amazing Trieste.  What an awesome read. 

[Trieste]

Thanks, you two. I greatly appreciate it. :)

[Skye]

I am not the only one.

I really hate that voice that tells me those things.

That was amazing Trieste. What an awesome read. 

So true on all accounts. Brilliant piece Trieste! ♥

[Lilias]

The quiet is where the heart can be heard clearly, without all the other voices that try to drown it out, so you can't follow it...

The dark is where seeds sprout and things begin to grow... warm and secret until they can survive out there.

The voices can tell you things, but they can't tell you how to take them. ;)

[Trieste]

It's true. I suppose I should remember that if they ever start telling me to kill people.  ::)

 
So true on all accounts. Brilliant piece Trieste! ♥

Thanks, Reign!