Tails of Monkey - Adventure awaits!

[Catherine]

((Da story of Monkey will be told in parts. Best in small parts like a bowl of chocolate chip cookies. You can eat the whole bowl at once and blame someone else. But you are going to suffer with a upset tummy. So not to get any upset tummies and people getting sick the story will told in small parts sans chocolate chips.))


Well hello reader, I probably should introduce myself before you read too far. Which might help cut down on the 'huhs' and other things.  I am Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me 'monkey'. Why? I think it is pretty obvious really if you look at my tail. See how it just sways back and forth, it is feeling good at the moment. Say hello tail, see e it waved hi.

Now you are probably going to ask, Nichole where did the tail come from? Well I will cut through all the rumors and such that the tabloids and others are spreading  I am not an alien from a dying planet sent here by her parents, that only happens in movies or comic books. Bitten by a mutant monkey and got a tail, again movies and comic books. Sheesh. Part of a circus freak show? No! Oh my monkey look at me, do I look like I would belong to a freak show? Let me answer that, no. No way. Uh uh.

So how, you ask.

Well I was at a party with my friend Nikki one Friday night, just monkeying around and having some fun. Being just a little irritating, just a little though. About this much at the most, wait a second my fingers need to get a little closer, that is it. About that much see? So irritating, but just minutely so. No way to really measure it so don't even try. *dismissive wave*.

Anyways a genie was found well two really, the last place I thought one oh okay two would be found, wishes were made by a lot of people. Things went weird for a couple minutes and well then Nikki made a wish, BLAM I get hit by an energy thingie and I started to feel strange. Everything looked like it is growing and I feel a tugging sensation in my general butt area. I took a step back and felt something swishing behind me and I turned to see what it is. What is it, I asked myself, got to see. Got to see. Nothing was there but I felt something  swishing, just checking that is right to left movement right? Quickly I turned again, trying to see what it was and as I did I felt something hit Nikki on her back. That is when I caught sight of something in the corner of my eye and lunged for it. "Ow!" I announced when I grab the furry thing floating there. I followed  it down and found that it was attached to my butt!

Shocked and confused I let go of it and watched as it waved back in forth in the air. I stood there for a moment and unconsciously reached up and moved the hair that had fallen in front of my eyes. I felt good but strange, more energetic and it felt... *self inner giggle* I thought I could  have some fun with it and oh you will see.

Oh, I forgot my hair went a bright red from what was my natural brown. What do  think of it? Cute huh.

Mentally I changed too, I was a little quiet and shy before hand. After that not so much, but you will find that out I think. Before I was afraid to try new things and now I love trying new things and finding things. A little mischievous too, oh I am sure Niks didn't like me as much after that. You see, hmmm well I will have to give you an example so you can decide really.

You see I was hiding behind a vase of flowers, all ninja style and invisible to all that can't see the super cute and adorable. Babies don't count they want to be seen, you don't want to trip over a bunch of invisible babies do you? They will start sucking on your nose and that is plain gross. Nikki and a boy walked by and continued outside, unable to see me due to my superior hiding abilities.

Don't look over here, it is only I a harmless vase of flowers do not fear me. I mean you no harm.....

Invisibly I rubbed my hands and pondered the pondering things. Then I just gave up pondering since it is just so umm...... pondering. Boring...... Suddenly in a poof of non smoke a ninja lightbulb appeared over my head. Stealthy boink! An idea formed, fun time on someone else's expense! Quietly I followed Nikki and the boy all super cute and adorable monkey girl style. Hiding behind bushes and pink flamingos and lawn gnomes and sprinklers and something else that I couldn't figure out what it was. The whole time the theme song to Jaws plays in my head.

*Inside mind giggle and mwhahahaha.*

I watched from the shadows all silent and ninja like as they got all cute and cuddly in the hot tub. What to do? What to do? I thought and thought, suddenly my tail poked me on the shoulder and pointed to a nearby wall. What girl? What are you saying?  I watched as it motioned up the wall and then over to the hot tub. A cute and adorable smile appeared all invisible like on my face.

Quietly I made myself over to the wall . "Ninja wall crawl," I whispered to myself and POOF, I transformed into a wall lizard and made my way up the wall all lizard like. At the top, I reverted and crouched low waiting for the right moment to pounce.

They look so cute maybe I shouldn't, I told myself.  My tail whipped around and smacked me in the back of the head, waking me up.You are right, like always. Quietly I stood  and took a couple steps back, inhale and exhale. Viva la monkey girl! Then took off running and jump. Yes... Yes... Yes… Suddenly my face meet a low flying bird with a smack, spinning me around in mid air. Queue the slow motion spin and close up of my cute adorable face eating feather. With my perfect cannonball ruined, I plummeted like a comet towards the hot tub, a small comet ((the bird)) racing beside me.

With a loud smack, I hit the water behind Nikki in a perfect belly smack, sending a literal tidal wave of water washing over the couple. A lone feather lands on the boy's head, the only thing of bird since it burned up as it entered the atmosphere

Slowly I stood up, rubbing my now red tummy. "That didn't work the way I didn't plan."

So what do you think? Did Niks have a reason to be mad at me? I don't see anything wrong, but I got out of there as quickly as possible before she blew up like a volcano. BOOM!

After that,  the party got boring, blah, the world felt different and something was calling me. Of course my mom and dad raised me right so I answered and soon found myself leaving the party to find adventure In big bold letters, fireworks, flying doves and loud music. But that is jumping ahead a little bit, a girl needs to get ready for an adventure. So let us start there, up in a room getting ready.


***

Quickly I root through the closet grabbing the essentials for my plans; coat, shirt and stuff. After getting dressed and still looking super cute and adorable monkey girlish, I take a messenger bag out and fill it with some essentials; hyper turbo super staff of whapping signed by Johnny Chin, bag of beans of feeling better, matches of fire, canteen of holding liquids, compass of where am I now and a Boy Scout book.

Quietly I head downstairs, which is easy to do with all of the moaning happening all around me. Was there ghosts? Suddenly something hits my tail causing me to go "What the?" Quickly I look around and see nothing, confirming my theory of ghosts. There must be a indian burial ground under here, I tell myself when I swear I hear something whispering behind me, “Get out!”  I am not going to ignore clear instructions so I hit the door, pausing to inhale and smile. Ninja adventure time!

Standing there in the glow from the house,  but a safe distance away from any ghosts, I take a piece of paper out of my pocket and unfold it. For a moment I study it and with my super cute adorable monkey girl instincts I quickly figure out where I need to go, that way! Carefully I fold the paper back up and slip it back into my pocket as my tail swishes back and forth looking for enemies in the darkness, those that also are looking for the hidden treasure and that might be following me.

To throw them off, I take a piece of sidewalk chalk out, a bright orange  The color of deception to be exact and kneel down. "This will fool anyone following me," I snicker  to myself. Quickly I write two things on the concrete. The first and not the second is "Wet water and beware of inflatable ducks," with a arrow pointing to the pool. The second and the really tricky one that only a super cute and adorable monkey girl could figure out is "Don't go this way! Stay off grass! It is really dark! " with an arrow pointing into the darkness.

Quickly I stand, spinning the chalk around my fingers before sliding it back home into my bag. I exhale not realizing that I have been holding my breath and adjust my imaginary felt fedora. "Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory," I say while making a dramatic pose with my hands on my hips. One made more dramatic if I had dramatic back lighting and like a bazillion slow flying pigeons behind me, that would have been cool.

*Silent but deadly mental ninja note: Must find a short round to carry pigeons and large lights.*

My tail cracks like a whip right before I head off into the darkness and adventure. Stumbling over a sprinkler head popping up to quench the thirst of the many grasses. Should I start over? The run into the dark and stumble thing would have been cooler without the stumble. Nah! I brush off my knees and start to run, this time looking for sprinklers.


***

Quickly I find myself stumbling through the darkness, my foot finding every tree root possible. Seriously I should have considered taking this adventure during the daytime when I could see things and not at night. My foot catches another root and I fall with a thump and not a boom. Slowly I get up and adjust my imaginary felt fedora, adventurers really need to learn time though. Ow!

From out of woods I hear the call of a mighty beast. Quickly I bring my hands up to my mouth and call back to it, so it knows that I am here "Hoot! Hoot! Hoot!" Now my adventure can continue! Super cute and adorable monkey girl silent YAY! I pause for a moment and consider the moment and the minefield I now find myself in, any of these roots can take me out, I must be careful. Carefully I make my way in the darkness, stepping over every root, until I reach a wall.


***

I look up at it and then swing my head side to side, it stretches (the wall) into the darkness and as far as I know it could circle the world. So I have to climb it. Reaching into my bag I find nothing to help me with the ascent, other than the super turbo mega extending pole signed by Johnny Chin, but I am not here to dance around and make a easy buck either, so I put it back into the bag. With one hand I reach out and place it on the wall and can feel the texture of it (the wall) and can see through to the other side, standard wood painted white in the picket fence style. I know my ascent will be dangerous now, where there is wood there are beavers. They are know to be dirty fighters and not too adorably cute like myself, it doesn't help that they cheat at cards and are known as weapon masters. I must think on how I am going to do this but not to long just in case there are any around. Ok got an idea.

"Ninja art of wood wall climbing," I whisper so those that are pursuing me do not hear my words.

Before I do the whole poofing thing I carefully remove my clothes, neatly fold and place them on the other side of the wall. If I didn't do that I would be naked on the other side and the night air is a little chilly tonight.

* Silent but deadly ninja thought: think ahead. Hypothermia does not make a super cute and adorable monkey girl any more super cute and adorable. So it won't work for you either! *

I whisper again and a nonexistent POOF cloud appears, I really need to get some smoke bombs that would so add to the effect and I change into a kitten that is built to be invisible at night. The ultra rare much sought after collectors edition stealth kitten. Sleek black fur, the color of night. Trust me, look it up in a book of crayons. It is the non-light one that is really dark. When you look at it you swear you can hear crickets singing and feel the effects of the full moon on your body. That one!

I walk up to the wall and kick it Into four paw drive. Instantly claws SNIKT out all comic book hero style and I start my climb. Since I am a smart monkey girl, I know I have to repeat the chant that needs repeated while in this form so I begin "meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow and so on."

Up I go, up into the imaginary clouds towards the top of the wall. A eagle calls out "Hey you, you shouldn't be up this high," and they only do that when you climb really high.  I push on and soon I can feel the air getting thinner as I reach the top. There I transform back to my super cute adorable monkey girl self and enjoy the Kodak moment. If I had my phone I would take a selfie.  Inhale, smile and enjoy the view. Nod. Beautiful view and now bored.

With a little hop down, I feel the ground under my feet and quickly get dressed. Looking around I see that I left my messenger bag on the other side and reach over and grab it. Can't be too careful you know I might need something inside of it later.

I scan the area, seeing only night and I hope that my tail can see more. That is when I feel the tapping on my shoulder from my tail, telling me something important.What is wrong girl? Did Tommy fall down the well? No? Oh yeah that way. I do a couple stretches, can't be too careful and I don't want to pull a hammy, before heading off that way


((Adventure and hands to face will be had as the story continues.... Same monkey time, maybe sort of I don’t know. Same monkey channel. So return and continue to read as the story unfolds like some screaming origami um.... story))

[Catherine]

It doesn't take too long before I get that feeling, you know that one it's the one you get when you are being watched right or is that left? Kind of hard to tell in the dark really. It's sort of like that feeling of having a ice cube race down your back as a thousand eyes take bets on what cheek gets wetter. Yeah but not that one, that is a whole other feeling. But I did have that feeling of being watched and it was creepy, my tail instantly went on high alert and prepared for ninjas.

I stopped and scanned my surroundings, which is easy at night actually since everything is pitch black except for the two beady red eyes up in the tree and  look the moon.Wait, what? Beady red eyes? What the? My head jerks back to where I saw the beady red eyes and they are closer now, a lot closer in fact. As in streaking towards me in a blur of spit, hiss and a good dose of ugly.

The world slows down bullet time style so I can identify. Quickly I pull out the boy scout manual and start to flip through it. How to tell a bush from a shrubbery. No. How to tie a knot that slips. No and useless. How to diffuse a Girl Scout cookie bomb. No. How to identify an animal when you are in bullet time and its teeth are sharp and its eyes are red. Perfect and scan page. Too small for a saber tooth tiger and too big for a hamster on steroids. There it is a possum, the rat bastard of the woods. Okay read and jeez, I thought it was ugly in person. It is uglier in words and I would hate to meet one.

The bullet time moment finishes moments after I slip the manual back into my bag, I prepare by applying a fist to the possums jaw with appropriate force. WHACHA! Super cute and adorable monkey girl fist meets oh my god it is an ugly possum and nothing happens at first. Two great forces collide and just nothing but disappointment, sad face with a tear. Then BOOM SONIC BOOM, the possum goes streaking  backwards like at least Mach 5 I would say, if not faster. Crashing through tons of branches and an owl, there is always an owl at night. Hoot. Hoot. Ho...ow! Leaving only a cloud of feathers and a naked and confused owl behind.  Moments later and somewhere in Italy a man gets knocked off his motorcycle by a flying possum. Just saying, don't know my own strength.

* Ninja silent WHACHA! *

I blow off the fists before running into the darkness and hopefully the right darkness too. Kind of hard to tell them apart sometimes, they all look the same.

***

Really I should have looked at the map better and I could of easily just steered clear of this whole thing. Honestly,  I thought it said ‘Here be mushrooms!’ and I got all excited, can't pass up a good 'shroom really. Secretly I was wishing that they were going to be morel mushrooms too, fungus gold. That would have been nice, sautéed in butter, yum! But nope, no mushrooms for the super cute and adorable monkey girl and I was ready to nom on some fungi.

No what I figured out at the moment after everything sort of just blew up in the my face, which was just a moment ago was it actually said ‘Here be monsters!’ That would have been nice to know you know. Clear and legible writing would of been nice. Stay in school kids!

***

I should have jumped when I felt the wet squishy thing wrap around my ankle. Looking down I thought it was just a little slug at first, but then I followed its body out into the darkness. Unless it was a bunch of slugs holding each other's hands and feet, which I praying it was, I was screwed.

Everyone who is screwed lift their hand up please.

Raise hand and introduce myself. "Yes I am Nichole, super cute and adorable monkey girl, it is a pleasure to meet all of you. I am screwed, currently some ick monster is wrapping a tentacle around me, I hope it is a tentacle and not something else too. Anyways it is invading my personal space and leaving its ooze all over me, which isn't good for the skin. So I am screwed and I hope the ick doesn't have a screwdriver."

Back to the current moment as the tentacle of the ick quickly wrapped around my body and started to lift me off the ground. Its ooze is staining my clothes and I know soap won't be able to get it out. In a blink of an eye I was upside down and staring right at the monster, well I think I was at least. The whole hiding in the darkness was making it hard to tell really. I screamed at it and it didn't follow my detailed instructions of letting me down. Then I asked it nicely with big cute and adorable monkey girl eyes that might glitter in the dark to that add that extra little bit of adorable and nothing, how could it ignore the adorable and cuteness of me? Then I begged and cried. Nothing worked on it. I knew I should have packed a virgin, kind of hard to find one in these parts though.

* Monsters always listen when you offer them virgins. They always do! *

I start to struggle and then I see the second tentacle coming out of the darkness. What is it carrying? Is it a stick? No it is a cricket bat!!! Oh my god! It thinks I am a.... Frantically I begin to struggle harder, quickly glancing back at the tentacle and more importantly at the cricket bat. Cute and adorable sweat starts to drip from my upsidedownness. Closer and closer it came. “This isn't fair! I am not a ball!” I yell out as cricket bat rose. As the cricket bat got higher and higher I prayed,  ‘Lord, if you give me a pass on this. I promise I will be good. Ok maybe sort of good. I will give it a try at least, you have to give me that you know how I am with twinkies!’ Back goes the cricket bat.Oh no! No!! No!!! No!!!! At that moment I can hear them already, my butt cheeks, begin to cry.

Five words fly from my mouth followed by a lot of exclamation points that I never thought I would ever say as the bat came streaking towards my cute butt. Which has just the proper amount of padding I think.

"I AM NOT A PIÑATA!!!!!!!!!!

SMACK!

Do I need to explain what the smack means? It is the sound that is made when a wood cricket bat meets a cute and properly padded butt. Usually followed by several more too! Oh my cute butt cheeks and how they scream, "We didn't want to look like a baboon's butt."

SMACK!

I start to see a ray of light coming down from the heavens. Am I already hallucinating?

SMACK!

What is that descending from the clouds, I ask myself as what looks like a cute little angel ((rough monkey estimate let's say a foot tall, but I could be seeing this too)) with wings wider than it is tall.

SMACK!

The angel stops in front of me and adjusts her halo before speaking, "Ladies and tentacles, this is Dani and I'm your Angel for this scene. As you notice the ‘Struggle because you butt is being spanked’ light has  been turned on." She pauses for a moment so her eyes can twinkle, "Please feel free to struggle as much as you want," then starts to motion with her hands, "There are several emergency exits in this event and they are there, there and there. No oxygen masks will drop down so please remember to breath while you are being hugged with extreme measures."

SMACK!

I watch as she just hovers there with a smile on her face, ready to give out little bag of peanuts maybe or even to check my ticket and see if I boarded the proper ick.

"Excuse me Dani, can you help me?" I ask between smackings. My butt cheeks adorably preparing for the next bat impression.

"Yes, I can. I see you are already in the proper upright position for this event," Dani answers as she hovers closer.

SMACK!

Suddenly one of her hands goes up and she stops, "Oops the captain has turned on the ‘Sudden impact in a moment’  sign. Please remember to remain in your current position and keep all ick tentacles fastened. Thank you."

SMACK!

My properly padded butt screams now. Did I mention it was properly padded? What? I did? Good! I thought I forgot to mention that important part. It, my butt, mentions that it doesn't like wood anymore. Especially wood in the shape of a cricket bat and I agree with it. If my hands were free I would be rubbing it right now, of course if they were free, I would be too.

SMACK!

How many spankies have I received, I ask myself. Too many to count, I answer myself and my tail agrees since it can only count to one. I watch as the ick tentacle goes back again to paddle my cheeks, my cute bruised red cheeks. "Time out!" I yell,  "Flag thrown on the field for spanking the monkey....girl!" The tentacle lurches ahead for a moment, I close one eye and wince expecting a cheek splitting impact, the it stops and I swear it snaps its fingers.

Quickly, my tail taps Dani on the shoulder to get her attention and I motion with my non ick tentacle covered head, "Come here."

"The captain has turned on the ‘I may help you’ sign. Yes how may I help you ?" the little angel asks, smiling as she turned and bobbed in my direction. "Do you need a pillow to be more comfortable maybe? We at Little Angel Airs pride ourselves on our customer service."

"No I am fine, but I forgot to show you my ticket and well," I shrug my shoulders all upsidedown-like.

"Oh,  sorry it is my first day on the job and I forgot to check your ticket. Let me help," Dani chirped as a giant crowbar appeared in one of her hands. With a mighty little swing, she did the swinging thing and with a smack it hit her other hand.

I watched as she shoved the crowbar between me and ick tentacle. "Now this might hurt a little," I hear Dani sing before counting down from three. At one she started to pull the crowbar back, her little feet swinging up and using the side of my face as leverage.

"Youph hash to usef miph fap?" I try to say as a foot slips into my mouth. Looking at Dani I could see that she was straining, the cheeks on her face turning red as she gritted her teeth. "Almost...almost...almost got it," I hear her growling, gritting and grunting.

A SNAP, CRACKLE, which I hope wasn't my spine, and POP later and I found myself falling as I hear the crowbar BOINGS and the little angel go shooting into the sky like a arrow. The last word I hear and it is really stretched as she shot back into the heavens is "tttttttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccccccccckkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeetttttttttt........."

With the amazing grace that only a monkey girl could have, I flip in the air and landed perfectly, of course! Let us see what the judges say. 10 - 9 - 10. Almost a perfect score!At that moment, I fight the urge to blow kisses to my adoring fans since I have none and they aren't here.

Not wasting a moment, I quickly turn and beat feet into the darkness, ick ooze flying off me as I did.

***

As I run, I look back to see if the ick is following me or if one of its tentacles is creeping around in the shadows. You know some monsters do not realize that no means no and if a torch is waved in front of them it isn't because anyone wants to see them. No, it is more like, back off or in a few moments I will be roasting marshmallows over your body or hey it looks like your nostrils are cold, here let me warm them up for you.

I see nothing, no wait is that a tentacle over there moving in the darkness? I squint and peer into the night as I keep running. No, it is just some campers out doing something, practicing nighttime orienteering maybe. Who am I kidding, I know what they are doing and if they aren't careful, they might catch something. Like a cold or some weird raccoon disease.

Right when I am about to turn around and say something to them, I see a guy heading towards them wearing a hockey mask and carrying a machete. He looks smart, wearing protection and carrying a weapon, who knows what you will run into in these woods. Hockey mask will help them.

I stumble over another root, which reminds me of something important, I should look ahead when I run aimlessly through the woods. Right when I turn my head, I suddenly taste metal and leather. A loud CLANG later and I am on my butt, one that has the proper amount of padding if you have forgotten. Like a professional my tail jumps into action and is checking me for any problems. Giving me its approval, signing off on any papers before releasing me into my own care.

Slowly I start to sit up, rubbing my jaw. "Whose bright idea was it to stick a sword in a stone in the middle of nowhere?" I growl. As cute and adorable as I am I don't stand up, I am just up. It is a monkey girl thing so it is hard to explain. There are diagrams and charts explaining how, but they are on a need to know basis and really you don't need to know. For a little extra show my hands fly out from my side and "Tadah!", followed by a bow.


((What is the mysterious sword in the woods and why would anyone stick a sword in the stone out in the middle of the woods. I mean come on, have they never heard of cities and towns? Find out next time....))

[Catherine]

Looking at the sword, I see there is an inscription on the stone, but since I have never learned how to read or speak inscription, I am sort of stuck there. Thinking back to the last time I spoke inscription, I accidentally ordered a year of Limburger cheese. Let me tell you, there were buzzards circling above the refrigerator thinking something had died in there, which is kind of scary to see in a kitchen. Paint peeled on all of my neighbors' houses when I burped and I wasn't close to any of them. Skunks even wore gas masks around me!

I trace the inscription with a finger, it is just all lines and shapes to me, a foreign language in a way. It could be saying 'Eat at Joes!' for as far as I know. Inscriptions are boring anyways, just lame warnings or stupid historical stuff, live in the moment!

Slowly I start to circle the stone, oh and the sword. That is the important thing, the stone is well a stone with some gibberish on it. The sword is a sword that has the sword shape and the sharp sword edges. That when poked into someone will make them go "Ow! Stop that!

I stop and point at the sword all dramatic like to get its attention and maybe announce my intentions, "You interest me sword, but only in a swingy swingy stabby stabby way." I take a step towards the sword, fake spitting into my hands before reaching for it. How hard can this be anyways? Lift it up and "Monkey....Monkey....Monkey girl hoooooooooo.......”

Let me ask you something, what do you imagine happens when you touch a sword? Nothing probably, unless you touch the sharp edges and well blood goes drippy drippy then. I hear those edges hurt a lot like paper cuts too, so I try stay away from those. A pinky touches a sharp edge and an arm might fall off. I could laugh saying it is just a flesh wound but I sort of like that arm and the other one I got, they came in a set. But as soon as my hand touched the hilt of the sword, things happened. Light came down from the heavens, how do they plug it in up there is beyond me. Hot air balloons? Big butt fireflies? Random acts of light shafts? I thought it was nice that someone set it up though, safety regulations probably. When a person's hand is approaching a sharp pointy slashy thing a light must come on of a brightness level greater than this doesn't help at all and less than I am blind and so are all my ancestors in the future.

The second thing that happened was the singing. Singing of a song with only one word "Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........................" Yeah I know not much of a song really, no beat or anything. Can't dance to it either.  I look around trying to figure out where the Uhers were at. They must be wearing those dark suits so they blend into the darkness, you know so they don't ruin the scene. They were everywhere though. There, there, over there, up there and somewhere over there too.

When I gripped the hilt, the uhs got louder and there was christmas light twinkles in the air. Wow someone put some thought and some mad cash into this. The electric bills must be massive especially out in the middle of nowhere and to keep the Uhers happy and feed wow! I let go and take a step back and the whole show just dies  down.

For a moment I think, just a moment though. Why put the effort in more than a moment? Hand, sword and pull. I reach for the sword and well, light and singing. No matter how I approached the sword I got the show.

My interest not waning, I grab for the sword, hilt not blade. Just making that clear. Hilt not blade. Again the light comes on and the Uhers are back.

"Can you please be quiet," I growl, "I am trying to do something here."

"Sooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy............", the hidden singers answered before going quiet.

A super cute and adorable monkey girl, "Thank you," goes out to all the singers as I grip the sword with my other hand. A silent gasp coming from somewhere followed by "Shh.... She is trying to do something."

***

STRAIN!!!!!! GRUNT!!!!!! and any other words that are close to those. My teeth are grinding  and my face is turning a cute shade of red as I pull and pull and just for fun pull some more. For a moment, I think I have it but it was just my hands slipping off and I find that out when I go flying backwards into a briar patch. Ow! Okay I am clothed and all, quite adorably too, so I am wondering, how in the world did briars get under my clothes? All of my clothes! Not just in a sleeve or a cuff, no I am talking under my panties! How is this possible? How?!?

I growl as I stand and start to pick the briars off of me. Can you please turn around for a moment reader so I can pick the ones that are well, just turn around! Ow! How the? Eep! This one is getting too familiar. Oh My God, I think this one is blushing. ZZZZIIIIPPPPP. Okay you can turn around now.

Where was I again? Oh yeah, sword in the stone.... The sword that should just slip out and maybe ordain me king of all, well queen really. Not the proper kind of tripod to be a king. I would rule with a just hand as long as I am kept happy with red velvet cupcakes. Not too many though, a monkey girl needs to stay in shape and that shape isn't round either!

I approach the sword and start the song and dance again and quickly find another briar patch. Then another one and yet another. You know after twenty odd times of picking briars off of me, thanks to the sword's unwillingness to cooperate, I am not finding briars funny anymore. They are just too touchy feely for my tastes.

Now I must resort to contemplation, something I am not too familiar with. I could use lard, but I have no pigs. WD-40, but I would probably lose that little red straw thing and then the can is useless. Chew it, worth the attempt but I would have to get someone else to chew, don't want to ruin the sparklers. Chainsaw, not a lumberjack so that wouldn't work. All that is left is a nuclear missile, that should work I think. Also it makes sense, it is the next logical step really.

Determined I walk up to the sword and wave off the theatrics or the ray of light and Uhers are getting tired. I grab the sword by the hilt again and pull one more time, just to see and maybe I finally wiggled it loose. Nope, nothing and nada. The sword doesn't do anything but just sit there doing what all swords in stones do, not cooperating.

Carefully I kneel down and place my forehead against the blade, the flat of the blade not the sharp cutty side. Silently swearing an oath of ‘you will be mine’ and stand. Before the sword can argue, I dramatically point at it and announce, "Yes!" then run into the darkness again.

***

In my head I start to make up my grocery list;  metal, rocket fuel, various computer parts and weapon grade plutonium. The last part is the important part, without it I would basically have a fancy sculpture which might wow the sword but won't help me get it out. Now I could scratch off the glow in the dark stuff on old watches but that will take me forever to do, so that is a no go.

So a trip to the store is in order. I think I should be able to pick up everything at Low......wait a second where am I? I stop and look around as does my tail and I start to recognize the literal and not so literal painting on the wall. I sniff the air and can taste the smell of burning refried beans and hot sauce in the air, confirming what I already know there is a Mexican Restaurant nearby,  duh duh duh.


((Stay tune for taco time in the woods.))

[Catherine]

How and why I entered one is unanswerable at the moment, I just know I have. When I turn to leave the way I came in, you know from behind me, I hear the creaking of a door calling to me and turn to see what it wants. Standing in the far doorway is a lone figure, his face weathered and hair pulled back in a ponytail.  He is an imposing figure; dressed in black shoes, pants and open coat revealing a white shirt underneath.

That should have scared me but it didn't though, what scared me was the two violin cases that the man was carrying in his hands. Everyone knows that violins mean trouble and this guy had two of them. He meant business! It also identified him too, since only one known hit man carried two violin cases with him, 'El Grano de la Muerte’ or ‘The bean of death!’ It looks like they, just they and not some named organization had hired the best to stop me. It will take the best too, I tell myself trying to sound confident as I stand there knowing I couldn't show any weakness. The whole time I am preparing myself mentally by thinking one thing, ‘Kick him in the balls!’

At that moment a tumbleweed rolls between El Grano de ugh... I think I will just call him 'Beanie' and myself, telling me how serious this scene was since tumbleweeds only show up in the serious scenes.

I can feel the air getting thicker as we wait for the other to make the first move and look another tumbleweed rolls by as room goes quiet and the air still, so still air falls from the air. I can feel the fingers in my left hand twitch because they are bored. Suddenly out of nowhere, well from behind me, my tail whips around holding a taco for me to eat. "Thanks," I say softly not taking my eyes off of Beanie. CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH and swallow

Another tumbleweed rolls between Beanie and myself.Ok where are these things coming from? Then without warning Beanie drops the violin cases; unlatches, opens, removes something and closes them back up in a blink of an eye.

"Smoooooooo......oh no!" I say when I see the two large guns pointing in the improper direction, my direction! I would also like to point out that they are being held completely wrong too, with the barrels under the hands. Must have seen one too many action movies.  Which while cool looking is not the way to hold a gun, where did he get his gun permit from?

What is the old saying again, don't bring a knife to a gunfight? Well I am not stupid, I didn't bring a knife, I brought a staff! Knives are so limiting anyways; stab, slash, prick and bleed. Staffs are where it is at, they can do so much. Way beyond the scope of explaining really, but I see them being the rage in the future.

Talking about staves! I pull out my Hyper Turbo Super staff, signed by Johnny Chin  and it extends just long enough to be dangerous but not long enough to get in the way. If you need to know the proper length it is between this length and that other length.

As another tumbleweed rolls between us, I calmly say, "Time to see if you are a jumping bean."

***

My super cute and adorable monkey hearing picks up the noise that guns make when they are about to do the bang bang thing and I prepare. I could stand there and take  the bullets, but I have an allergy to whatever bullets are made of too. Which keeps me from doing the whole 'bite the bullet' thing, yeah no not going to try that.

But from where I am standing, I catch a glimpse of Beanie's fingers starting to pull back and jump towards him, sometimes it is best to be proactive on some things and this time it was time to be proactive. In mid air I shift my grip on the Hyper Turbo Super staff to the 'Ergh that hurts' grip and bring it down onto Beanie's head. CLANG goes the staff against one of Beanie's guns as the other one says a close, to close actually,’Hi I am here and have something for you!’  Right in front of my face.

* Ninja silent eep! *

Finger goes back and BANG!

Which is good to hear from a distance which I was now, a nice safe not a barrel in my face distance away. How may you ask, since I was just a moment ago eating gun, be across the room now? Simple a couple perfectly done flips and a hiyah!

Beanie didn't even wait to unleash the fury of his twin guns. Bullets started to race towards me trying to be the first one to tag me. Should I be scared? Uh yes, little pieces of metal are flying towards me at speeds nearing extreme. But then I do have a staff too! It starts to spin as I dance ballerina like, PING PING and PING goes the bullets as the staff deflects them.  A couple more pings later and I am smiling. New technique discovered and developed by yours truly, I shall call it’spin the staff so my butt doesn't get all holey’  technique.

*Ninja silent Whachaa!*

I hear the chinging of bullets on the floor as Beanie keeps firing. Parry, dodge and well not thrust since I am in save my butt mode. Up and over a table, staff tip goes out and under a burrito of immense size and fling.

The burrito splats right where I aimed it, of course.

*imaginary smile and two mind thumbs up*

Instantly the hot sauce of the volcano burning goes to work and Beanie screams  as the hot sauce burns his eyeballs. In pain he drops one of his guns which lands in one of the violin cases miraculously. Wasn't the case closed? Uh yeah. So how? Not sure but I am not going to try and explain it either.

Bean pissed, Beanie reaches up for the burrito and pulls it away crushing it with one hand. As beans run over Beanies hand he tosses it down. Growling something I really don't want to repeat, I would like to know if he kiss his mom with that mouth, points his gun and BLAM!!!!

I feel myself falling backwards as a red liquid splatters the wall behind me. My body hittng the floor with a thud. Ok Ow! It only takes a second before salsa packets start to rain down around me, their soul mission in life taken from them by Beanie. Picking one off my face, I read the message that it is leaving me in its last moments of life, 'Avenge me!' It says.

"I will," I whisper as I squeeze the salsa package in my hand, the last of its contents oozing out. Tossing the packet aside, I press a hand onto the floor and spin all break dance acrobatic like off the floor and into the air, where I do a little spin flip and land prepared. Staff in one hand and off to the side, my other hand pointing all serious like to Beanie as my tail does the slashy throat gesture and points to Beanie.

"Hello my name is Nichole Anna Marie Smith, you killed the salsa packets prepare to be whapped!"

Beanie laughs, flicking the toothpick that he had in his mouth at me with some weird lip action. Harmlessly it sails past my head and sticks into the wall behind me. Which of course alarms my tail and it begins to sweat, imagining how it would be like pinned to the wall like that. Of course I could say some witty comment about flipping his wood, I have several loaded up, but that would cheapen all of the salsa packets deaths and I dint want to do that.

So I do what is least expected of course. Drop to your knees and beg? No, that is the easy way out and well my knees are of course cute oh and adorable. So knees on the floor is of course out. Like a monkey out of bananas, I run towards Beanie and slide through his legs like he is home base. My staff catching both of his legs and sending him to the ground with a thud. I don't stop the slide until feet meets wall and spring, flip and ten point landing. Ah, I forgot the Yoink, let us retcon. Okay yoink, spring, flip and ten point landing.  What did I yoink? One violin case, Tadah! Thank you. Thank you.

Mad and even more bean pissed, Beanie tosses his other gun which of course lands in the other violin case. Wait what? How the? It was! Now it... Catches the.... It happens that is all I am going to say. Then stands and growls as he pulls the guitar case strapped on his back around. Beanie can play the guitar to! I wonder if he will play some Clapton if I ask.

"You don't need to serenade me," I say jokingly as Beanie opens the case. Curiosity killed the cat right? Well I am monkey and I was curious until I saw the gleam of metal and a handle and a trigger and a long belt of bullet shaped bullets.

KERCHUNK  CLUNK Spin CLICK THUNK whirl.

"Oh my Monkey!" I yell as Beanie points a very large and multiple barreled gun at me of the Gatling variety. Have I exclaimed that I have an allergy to bullets, the whole bang and hole in a body thing doesn't work for me. The barrel starts to spin and I dive behind anything that doesn't have an allergy to bullets.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

What? What did you say? It is loud! Yeah, I know. Wish I could do something, but I am doing the whole hunkered behind a garbage can thing right now. It is doing a good job though. Yeah I know I need to do something before a bullet says 'Hi!' to me. Open for ideas here. What? Take a chance, you say. Okay that sounds like an excellent idea. Let me think about it. Kind of hard to think though with all of the wood splinters raining down on me though.

I hunker down as small as possible and try the ancient ninja art of concentration. Fingers go into ears and nanananananananananana. Wow it worked! It is quieter now, I canstill hear the constant gun going boom thing a little but it is better. Now let me think. Could change into something, but what? Something fast, a cheetah maybe. Bullets are probably faster. Something that could take a bullet, a brick. Yeah tail is saying no to that one and the whole allergy thing. Something all tooth and claw, saber tooth tiger. That would surprise Beanie, instant soiling of pants I would think. Which would be funny.  Hold up, I would have to stripe down to change and I am not going to give Beanie a free show. Ok what next, adorability and cuteness. Twin weapons, too powerful to wield by some, not for me though. I would feel bad, bringing those two mighty things to bear on Beanie, he wouldn't stand a chance. What is left then?

Something taps my shoulder and I look. "What is it girl?" I ask, well I ask my tail. It motions an idea well under where bullets are still flying. "It sounds good to me. Just need to..."

Suddenly the bullets cease and I hear Beanie mumbling something. "The moment!", I stand and run to to the counter, doing a slide across the counter, "Yehaaaaaa!" I of course land on my feet, monkeys taught cats, just saying, and take off running as BOOMS can be heard again and holes start to appear around me. Run run monkey run run.

Quickly I run up to the large metal door, grab the handle, open it up, step inside and close the door. Safe!

CLICK!

,"What?", I whisper, seeing my breath appear in the freezing air, "He locked me in!" I slam my hands against the cold metal of the door and quickly get a chill. "You weren't suppose to lock it, I was!"


((Find out what happens to a monkey girl when she is locked in a freezer. It isn’t pretty, since her skin could turn blue and she isn’t a Smurf.))

[Catherine]

Disappointed, I turn and face the mountain of stuff sitting there. Craning my head back, I look up trying to see the top of the mountain but it disappears into the hanging clouds above.

I take a deep breath and exhale, which freezes in front of me, I look around and spy a couple coats hanging next to the door. Quickly I run over and grab one of them, fur lined to go with my cuteness and head to the mountain.

The ascent is easy at first with the rolling hills and stuff. Just a nice walk in the brisk cool air of the freezer, passing various meats and frozen products. Look a moose, no wait a rat. Sometimes it is hard to tell things apart when they are frozen in one of  the common poses, hands up in front of face running and screaming or sitting down hunched over like they are sitting on the toilet.

I keep on climbing and the ground below me starts to get steeper. Going from a nice to bad to yeah I should have looked at getting a snowcat. On I go through, determined, the cool air kissing my cheeks causing them to redden in an adorable away.

Snowflakes begin to fall from the sky and a Sherpa passes me,as I continue to climb the mountain, going in the opposite direction. He pauses for a moment and says something to me that I don't understand, it could be because of the howling wind or that he is speaking a language I don't understand. Sherpanesse maybe? But I nod and smile. Frantically he points towards the dark part of the mountain and shakes his head, his head obviously caught in the wind as he keeps talking to me.  The part of the mountain does look less snow blindly and stuff, I tell myself.

"What I should go that way? It does look nicer." I try to yell over the howling wind as a snowflake hits one of my eyes like a ninja throwing star. "Thanks for the tip!"  I pull my coat close as I turn and head towards  the dark part of the mountain.

***

You know when something looks big from a distance and when you get close it is gigantic. That is what the mountain was doing now, looking gigantic. Nose bleed gigantic too. Craning my head back I thought I saw the top of the mountain way up there, not there no, way up there. I could feel my tail getting all dizzy just looking up at it. Slowly it waved in front of me and I swear it was a little green. It of course acted like it wasn't but I knew better.

Carefully I step up to the sheer vertical surface and consider making a run to a sporting good store for climbing supplies, you know; rope, climbing harness, pitons and a helicopter. The necessaries for a safe climb really. But who has the time for that when you have someone or a couple unknown someones hot on your cute tail?

*ninja art of make like an elevator*

"Time to hug a mountain." I say to myself and the swirling snowflakes around me as I grab rock and pull myself up and away. Silently hoping gravity decides not to reach out and tag my cute and properly padded butt.

Up and up I go, going from crack to crack. You, you and you no crack jokes. Jumping from ledge to ledge and other little things. It isn't that hard really, not sure why people say it is. Hold onto anything you can with a death like grip and don't look down.

* Ninja rule of climbing mountains - The key thing to remember when climbing is up is your friend and plummeting uncontrollably down is not!*

Wow this mountain is tall, I tell myself, my muscles screaming as I continue upwards and some side to side. Finally one hand finds a good deep edge for a break so the other follows it and finds something different. Something not hard and rocky but furry and softish?

***

My hand feels this not rocky thing. One, two, three, four and five things that go back into something big. Each of the things has something hard and sharp on it. The rare helmeted mountain mouse maybe. I pull myself up and look and look and look up. Okay not a mouse in anyway shape or....

BIG ROAR!!!!!!!

ROAR! Spray. ROAR! Spray. ROAR! Spray. Anytime now the angry thing can stop with the spraying. I am dripping wet and whatever hasn't hit me is painting a silhouette in the air behind me. On it goes and I swear I have a waterfall running down the back of me after a while.

Finally the angry thing goes quiet for a moment and the moisture stops hitting me, my tail quickly takes advantage of the moment and wipes my face dry with a towel. "Thank you," I tell my tail and it nods you are welcome back.

As I start to pull myself up and off the edge of the ledge, I briefly look up at the angry thing and see that it is getting a drink of water. It is refilling! Quickly I roll to the side and hide behind a rock.

* Ninja art of not wanting to be seen*

I crouch down and try to make myself garden gnome small. There is nothing over here but a rock, a rock with a cute tail. That is normal. This isn't the cute and adorable monkey girl you are looking for. The angry thing carefully puts the glass down and turns to where I was at, then starts to look around for its spray friend I guess.

***
Carefully I pull out the Boy Scout manual to make sure what I am seeing is what I am seeing. Because supposably what I am seeing doesn't exist and I shouldn't be seeing it unless I am seeing things. But if I am seeing things, how do I  explain the spray and the dripping and the wet?

Man the Boy Scouts have everything in their manual, I tell myself as I flip from page to page. Let me see; how to carve a rock, how to make fire with water and on and on. Oh look how to fashion a cond.... Oh my! What edition is this? Quickly I flip to the cover and look. That makes sense now, the after dark edition. I would think that the text would glow in the dark or something, not go over well the....racier things. I goes the motto is right 'Be Prepared’, cough, for anything.

Anyways back to the scene at hand, big scary thing looking around for me. Obviously I am looking at something that doesn't exist but it does. So I need to confirm with the book. Flip.....Flip....Flip.....Flip......Flip and more flipping of pages.

The Table of contents says it should be in the section with the weird green edges. Here we go 'Stuff of the unbelievable but actually exists because it wants to  section. A chupa chupa, no that is a chupacubra, stupid snow flakes, a sucker of blood that uses a straw. Nessie, a not so fancy word for something that looks like a canoe but will eat you. * Flip * mothman. * Flip * Wendigo, which sounds like some crazed RV.

Ah here it is YETI, also know as the abominable snowman. White fur, check. Big feet, check. Tooth and claws, check and check. Likes to drink water and spray people, big check there. What else? Likes to yodel, worthless. Like lederhosen, interesting but I forgot to pack a pair. Likes snow, well obviously. Creator of yellow snow, yuck!

Suddenly I hear an inhale followed by more inhale. "Oh Monkey!" I yell as I shove the book back into the bag. Then I grip onto the stone like I have never gripped a stone before. I grip it so hard that in some states we would be married.

Huff and I will puff and ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

The roar comes and fortunately the water effect has been turned off, unfortunately someone hasn't been brushing their teeth. Stinky.

* Ninja art of holding my nose without hands*

“Nowd dis isd betterd.” Not much to describe really, once you hear one roar you heard them all maybe. Imagine Yoko Ono singing and you got it. The thing that would top it off is stuff flying out of the mouth....

WHSP! With a quick glance I look at what hit me, a bone! Not good! I would whip out the boy scout book and try to identify it, but I don't think it can take the high velocity roar. With a sideways glance, I can tell  the size and shape of the bone.  Mountain chicken, had a limp, it's right eye twitched when it was nervous and it's name was Frank. Oh there was other stuff flying at me, but I will mourn Frank's death the most. May it cluck in peace.


***

It gets non roar quiet again, quickly I stand and dust everything off. Keeping an eye on Mr. Roar-a-lot, just in case he gets peckish and decides monkey girl is on the menu. Time to seize the moment, I tell myself as I reach into the bag. My fingers start to touch the staff then I reconsider my choice, too easy!

Quickly I pull out and pop some Poprocks, sour apple flavor, into my mouth and I assume one of the many karate Kung fu whacha poses I know. Renamed 'Super cute and adorable mad monkey who is frothing at the mouth pose'. Ok I need to work on the title really, so it rolls off the tongue.

Mr. Roar and Spray is ready it seems as he turns to me. "Time to eat monkey paw!" I yell jumping to the yeti all cool like.

((Time to fight!!! Player one - Super cute and adorable monkey girl with mad ninja skills. Player two - Yeti that likes to spray. Stay tune for mad super moves and a fight scene that will make you go wow.))

[Catherine]

The  Yeti is watching me, I mean come on why wouldn't he.

Roll and spring up. "Surprise!" I shout as I swing a fist forwards, towards the punching bag between the Yeti's legs. Is that where boxers keep theirs?

* Amazing monkey punch!

Super Whap! Really at this moment I can't see the Yeti's face as the scowl disappears and quickly being replaced by shock and awe. Probably some  'What the?' and slow motion 'Ow!' too. Did you take a photo? Can you send it to me? I should get one for my journal.

I dive between between the Yeti's legs as he stumbles forward, after being smacked in the back by the punching bag. I roll up into a squat, whipping out my Super Turbo Extending Staff of whapping behind my back and imagine the explosions behind me adding to the awe  and that would be cool!  All of this happens as the Yeti goes down to one knee, THUMP,  quickly he turns his head and growls at little ole me.

***

ROUND ONE NOT OVER!

The ledge begins to shake as the Yeti growls, releasing snow from above. The staff begins to slowly spin as I turn to face the yeti. Watching him as he gets up and dusts off his shoulders and gathers his composure. Well I can't have that now can I? No need to look up the answer for that question in the back of the book, it is 'No No'. I wrote it down next to the question for ease of use. Hi-lighted it too, which made my fingers all yellow afterwards. Also my tongue, hi-lighters taste yucky. Yes yellow, but not banana flavored.

The super turbo hyper extending staff of whapping spins off  to my left side. The tip catching a snowball as it innocently sits there, doing what snowballs do. Snowball stuff!  Tip catches snowball and zippity do da the snowball makes a beeline towards the Yeti. "Bye bye snowball," I whisper to myself as I watch it shoot towards the target. Three… two and one followed by Splat! Shoot my aim was off, I was aiming for a nostril.

***
Yeti pissed the well yeti wipes the snow away from itself, oops got another one for you.  SPLAT!!! Well if he wasn't happy before, he won't be now, not with the look he is giving , no fun. The nerves of some.

I would so love to say time slows down at this moment, but it doesn't. It is so cold here, I think that time is hanging out by a fire with a cup of cocoa. But a time slow down at this moment, would up the costs of the scene and well it isn't necessary since a tumbleweed rolls between us. Really a tumbleweed here?

Ok pause! Look where we are at. This white stuff is snow not sand. We aren't in the desert, although dessert sounds good right about now. So please explain where the tumbleweed would have came from. Go ahead please explain.  That is your best explanation really, because the scene called for something to roll though the scene. You couldn't have used a snowball? No, why? They never emote and seem cold & distant all the time. Didn't know that. Let's get back to the scene.

Tumbleweed rolls across scene and Go!


***
Spits and Sprays quickly turns to face me and as he does tosses, throws or whatever. Let's just say there was a lot of snow coming toward me at the moment. I was monkey nut screwed and I was out of nuts. "No fai......", I try to say before the snow hits, encasing me in its cold embrace and me without my hand warmers.

Now if the camera pulled away at the moment, you would see the Yeti slowly making its way towards a snowman with a monkey tail poking out the back of it. I do have to clarify something though. Like a Twinkie there is somethIng sweet inside, oh and don't forgot super cute and adorable too! Also if you had one of those microphones that you can pick up stuff from a distance with, you would hear a grumble grumble grumble coming from the snowman. “I can't believe he knew the frozen dinner attack!”

***

Thump! Thump! Thump! I should clarify the thumps, those are not my heart beating. Those are Mr. Size Forty walking my way. Let me throw a couple more in. Thump! Thump! Thump! I can tell by the smugness in Big White's steps that he thinks he has won.

* Ninja silent laugh of defiance, Ha Ha *

What Grumpy pants doesn't know is that my tail has been watching him the whole time, tracking his every move like some great predator. My tail is licking its lips as Cottonball comes closer, soon tail will pounce on the clueless prey. Mwhahahaha!

Suddenly my tail signals me. "Is it time girl?" I frozen whisper to it and it nods? "Good!"

The yeti closes the gap between us, slowly leaning in to sniff the 'victim' I guess. I can feel the snow around me starting to warm from its breath. Okay stinky! PHEW! Someone needs a breath mint. Okay, when was the last time it brushed its teeth or gargled more than rabbits. Frustrated dentists want to know.

Time  to do the countdown thing. Three...Two..I can count backwards Yay me and One! You know what, that was fun! Let us try it again but in Español, minus the accents because those are tricky to hold. Tres...Dos y Uno! Frijoles and beans!

Monkey Girl Popsicle anyone? Don't forgot it now has cute and adorable too. No artificial flavoring or preservatives.  It also comes with a stick! Please don't cry staff, it was an accident calling you a stick. You are so much more than a stick. You are please don't cry.


***

BOINK goes the idea light bulb, which helps warm the top of my head. I have an idea or the idea had me, one of the those.

* Ninja camera zoom out just enough *

I can sense the  Abdominal Sprayer is getting closer and closer, invading my personal space. It sees the frozen dinner in front of it and is hungry, hungry tummy hungry.  It knows it hasn't reheated the dinner yet but the Yeti doesn't care, but he should look for the box and read the directions though. They aren't there to make the box look pretty. Because you know stuff happens when instructions aren't followed. That stuff happens too! In a burst of surprise and maybe the cause of some yellow snow.


As the white and furry got closer and closer the end of the staff erupts out of the snowman, temporary blinding Mr. Static Cling. Before he can do anything, the staff shoots up one of his nostrils, OOF! Hey it was either a nostril, an ear full of wax and squirrels or the mouth & yeah no for that hole.  I would have loved to see the look on Mr. Fuzzywumkins face, eyes big with the 'what the' look, but hey encased in snow here.

Insert staff 'A' into nostril 'B' and apply just the proper amount of force. Uh I think I got it, just a little more and...... Freedom!!!!!!

Up I shoot, hey don't go all psychics on me either. I shot up! Like up, up there and point. You just have to believe this time. You blinked and missed it so.......your fault.

I do the whole spin and flip in the air, then land perfectly. The tip of the staff hits the ground, sounding like it is laughing and my tongue comes out to blow a raspberry at the Yeti.

ROUND 1 OVER - TIE!


***

ROUND 2 - BEGIN!

Well this is boring way to start a second round, both waiting for the other to move. Head falls back and mouth open boring. I think there is mental droll is dripping out of the mouth. Drip Drip Drip.

The yeti squints and gives me the classic Clint Eastwood pose, one eye a little more closed than the other. I can see a finger twitch in its left hand, the type of twitch a kid gets when they have had too much sugar and forced to sit there.

In a flash of movement the Yeti rushes me, rushes me as good as something that is big and lumbering can rush. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Okay same attack as before, squash the monkey girl with an immense fist technique. What should I ever do?

Click goes the staff behind me, one hand firmly gripping it. Standing there, I watch as the fist starts to arc towards me, pushing the air in front of it as it starts its descent. Yawn, I think as well as I yawn. Seen it, experienced it before. Nothing new yawn yawn. The fist continues its downward descent. Impact imminent! Warning! Warning!

GROUND ROCK AND ROLL SMASH!!!!

"That would have hurt," I tell Mr. Cotton ball as I sit there cross legged at the tip of the staff, looking down at him a little. Slowly I start to lean towards the yeti, the staff bending further and further as I do. A big smile forming as I get closer. "Well hello," I say,  right before Mr. Grabby swipes at me with his other hand. Miss! How? I lean backwards. Swipe! Dodge. Just did, don't ask.

No monkey splat with that attack. Plus one for cuteness! Before Mr. White does anything, I bunny hop with the staff and change my grip as I flip in the air.

Hello Mr. Staff  meet Mr. Top of head. *CRACK!*  I feel the staff vibrating in my hands as I hop away, OW OW OW, my hands screaming at me for being stupid. Gracefully I land, my staff dancing around me. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Zip. Oh that is the sound of the staff swirling around me. Zip. Zip. Zip.

Mr. Cotton Gin stands up, fixing the hair on his head. Wait a moment???? Fixing the hair it looked like he was straightening it! Does that mean?  Could it be?

A smile starts to form as an idea gets stuck in my head, stuck like a......like a......like a hand in the cookie jar! That is so lame, jeez. Like a banana in my mouth? Banana not something else dirty minds. I am pointing at you, you and you. Oh and trick shot behind back to you.

I wonder......


Holy William Shatner rumor moment! Could it be? Okay, okay need to focus or Big White will give me a hug to end all hugs. Don't want that, I like my body in one piece and I am sure there would be double the not so fun for me after Huggie bear got a hold of me.


***
Quickly I shake my head, getting back into the here and now. Which is good since during the now that I missed something, Mr. Fuzzy had decided to test a theory of his. One that I disagreed with him about. Do cute and adorable monkey girls squish like grapes. One out of one monkey girls say "Yeah, No!"

Still the fist came, knuckles and all, towards me. At that moment I could tell you what grapes thought as they sat there in a barrel, minding their own business until a foot lowers from the heavens to squash them. Poor grapes, sad face, they didn't ask to be stepped on by smelly feet. If they could run and scream they would but all they can do is roll, but they are also stuck in barrel. Defenseless and without helmets or little spears! Poke poke don't step on us.

Or...... Mind boom here. The grapes see the feet as the feet of God. Wow yes, mind boom. They are willing sacrificing themselves.  Maybe even virgin sacrifices, never tasting the touch of another grape until they are thrown together at the end and now they have grape butts pushed into their faces. For what reason though?  I don't know but someone should investigate and see if the grapes are willing sacrificing themselves or are being sacrificed, so that the doors can be blown off the cover up. Oh my monkey! I just thought of this, maybe grape elders have made arrangements with feet for advanced technology. Definitely needs an investigation, the grapes deserve it.

* Ninja tip - pay attention in the moment and don't day dream. You will see in the next paragraph. *

I feel the hurricane force wind blow pass by face and I am back in the now as something slams into the ground next to me. I don't even need to look to know what it is and to also know that my tail just saved me, it nods once after I whisper thank you to it.

Before I can do anything, I feel something latch onto my legs and pull me off the ground. What the? Not good! Off the ground means something and something that isn't good. Piñatas come to mind. Ow stop squeezing so hard!

***


What is up with grabbing the monkey? Two times in one day now. Last time all the blood rushed to my head and now Mr. Not so huggably soft is trying to squeeze it out the top of me like I am a toothpaste container. The subtle curves I have I like and I don't want them replaced by crushed things. He might think he is giving me a massage but I would argue that. ERGH! Definitely argue.

I let my body go limp and fall forwards. 'What are you doing?' my brain asks frantically as my head quickly starts to fall in one direction. 'You know this is....' CRACK!!! Head meets head and one now questions what she did. Ow! Did I hit Professor Puff's head or a brick wall? Ow! Not a smart idea, but wait I am close.

* Idea to take advantage of the moment boink! *

With my eyes closed, I grab a mouthful of fur with my teeth, yuck spit spit and pull back. Not sure what I was expecting, maybe a little resistance but no. If I didn't have the taste of fur in my mouth, I would think it was empty, but I had the distinct case of cotton/fur mouth and I do not recommend restaurants start serving it either.

My staff starts to meet bare flesh as I rain blow after blow down on the top of Señor Fuzzylumkins' head as I say words of power over and over, "Let me go!"  After a while I think he finally understands what I want and the Yeti opens his hand before stumbling back several steps, letting me go.

The staff spins back to my tail, who continues to spin it slowly behind me as I check my body for any crushed zones. I do a quick count;  set off hips, two legs and etc. Relief washes over me for a moment and then I have a 'This isn't good' moment when I see the yeti. This isn't good.

***

I watch as the yeti starts to wrap his hands, where he got the wraps is beyond me, but he did and he is. He gives me a look of..... well a look, as he starts to tie a belt around himself, okay again where did he get the belt? The ground shudders as he stamps one foot followed by the other, placing them in a wide stance. Slowly the Yeti lowers himself, placing his hands in a position that  Master showed me once and warned me about. He warned me of a possible defeat by one taught the style that was being revealed to me, the dreaded "Squatting Squach" style. Big white was toying with me this whole time!

Master always taught me to be courteous to others trained in the other styles. So I give the  Yeti a slight bow, never taking my eyes off of him. In kind he returns the bow. Our eyes connect and with words unsaid, words are said. We both nod in agreement, one slow nod not more. More is an insult, a slap in the face by a white give, the dreaded imaginary white glove attack, and neither of us would do that to the other.

It is strange to see another do the same things as you are doing at the same time. I would say it is like looking in a mirror, but it isn't even close. Since well one is huge and hairy and the other is cute and adorable. We both inhale and exhale before rushing towards each other, fists raised and tail spinning staff. I would say mouths open but mine was closed, I learned the hard way once. Went rushing forward and swallowed a hummingbird, after that I vowed never to rush forward with my mouth open again.

Closer and closer until suddenly both of us....

***

Let's recap, Yeti and I are rushing towards each other. Then..... Duh Duh Duh. Dramatic stuff until the next paragraph or sentence or whatever is next.


((What happens next? Tell us! Tell us! Fingernail chewing because of the drama in the air. Until next Monkey time mwhahaha))

[Catherine]

Both of us are staring at each other intently. One hand out and open and the other balled into a fist. "One," and balled hand goes down and up. "Two," and balled hand goes down and up. "And three!" and balled hand goes down, up and back down. Quickly we both form symbols of power with our balled fists. Whoever put the correct symbol of power out of the three, will win.  Whoever wins gets, well gets something. While the other one is the loser and has to form the symbol of the 'loser' with a hand on their forehead while singing the 'I am a little loser' song.

Looking over towards the Yeti, I can see the symbol of power that he chose. It makes sense really and I am not surprised, the sign of the boulder and not Colorado either. A symbol of overwhelming crushing power, once released things get crushed like grapes. SQUISH  SQUISH. Nothing can stand in its path, be warned mwhahaha.

I know If I picked the wrong symbol I was done for and had the odd feeling that I would be taking the fast route down the mountain, ending in a SPLAT! I wasn't too open on that mode of transport down the mountain, you know screaming all the way down as arms flailed in a frantic attempt to fly. What did I have?

I look down for just a moment and see the symbol I chose and nearly jumped up. Long and flat, the symbol of the sheet. Giving and versatile, able to protect and if wound up correctly can be used up as a weapon with a SNAP! Although not strong looking it is the one symbol that beats boulder.

* Ninja silent whew! *

Carefully I put my symbol on top of yeti's as I say, "sheet beats boulder." Then I stand, slipping the staff back into my bag. "Here you go," I say tossing the toupee back towards the yeti as I turn to leave. I hear a grunt coming from behind me as I start my climb again, I hope it is a good grunt and not one saying 'Your canvas beat my boulder, prepare for an atomic crushing.'

One hand above the other, I start to climb up and not down. I checked just to make sure.

"One hand over the other," I sing to myself as I climb, my hands finding every little crack and bump that will help me ascend higher. I can feel my arms are burning, all thanks to what just happened. Boulders, sheets and sharp things that sure takes a lot out of a person. Oh and the fighting before that too, forgot that. Arm up and reach, muscles scream. Arm up and reach, muscles scream. Maybe there will be a rest stop or something, a coffee shop maybe? I could go for a super gigantic almost planetary big double single triple latte with just a squirt of low fat milk done in the lunar reverse direction to prevent gravity wells, just a squirt of low fat milk though no matter what I do need to watch my figure.

Suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder, "What is up girl?" I ask, thinking it is my tail. TAP! TAP! "Yes," I sing out. TAP! I turn my head to look at my tail and see a finger connected to a hand connected to an arm connected to a body. A body that I recognize at Mr. Stay Puff. Can he fly too?

He points down and I look. Okay I have not climbed as far as I thought. I thought I had climbed hundreds of feet really fast, but it looks like I have only climbed about six. The yeti points up and I nod, "Yes up." Before I can do anything the Yeti grabs me and like a baseball or a paper airplane he throws me straight up.

"TTTTTTTTTTTThhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk           yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...", I say as I shoot up and up and up. The mountain streaking past me as I go and thank god I missed the mountain goat. That would of been a head into butt experience that I do not want to experience. Just the thought of it makes me shudder.

***


I continue shooting upwards, like a rocket, towards the moon, not so secretly hoping I don't hit it. That would hurt if I did and I have heard that it is made of green cheese and that really does not sound too appetizing, that and I didn't pack crackers either and that is an important part of eating cheese I hear. As the side of the mountain streaked by, I could tell the top floor of the mountain was getting closer, DING DING DING. Suddenly a blur streaks by that looks ledge-like, having the proper details that match a ledge description. Top floor, thin air and ledges ding, I do a flip and land. Tadah! Arms fly out and bow.

Turning around, I look over the edge and back down the mountain. "That was gravity defying," I say with a little laugh right before I hear someone clearing their throat, "Hello Friend."

***

"Hello?" I respond, turning back around to see a little man sitting by a smoking fire, a lone ember burning in it. In a way he reminds me of a Buddhist monk, what with the way he looks. You know simply dressed, beads and the bald head. He gives me a small smile and motions me to join him by the fire.

I hear the sound of crunching snow as I walk over to the fire and join the monk. My tail donning a knitted cap to keep it from freezing off. Slowly I breath in sucking in the cold air before I start to speak, my breath condensing in front of me and falls to the ground as I start to talk.

"My name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith and who may you be?"

"It is a pleasure to meet you, I am the Lurker of the mountain," the monk answers giving me a little smile. "Now I have a question for you. What brings you to the top of the mountain?"

I think for a moment, before answering."Well there is this guy and well the whole bang bang thing, you know the whole allergy to bullets and everything. I saw the mountain and thought why not climb to the top of it. It is there and I always wondered what the top of a mountain looked like and it is hard to tell at the bottom of one, so up I came."

Taking a breath I look around, "You know you should consider sprucing up the place. All the white is well white. Maybe a spruce right over there," I say pointing over there where a spruce might look good at. "I don't recommend a conifer though, the needles in this wind, it is just begging for someone to get poked in the eye. Safety first in precarious ledge design, you know. Also lawn chairs are a big no no, yes they are relaxing sometimes but you would need to get the correct ones for up here. Get the wrong ones and all they say is frozen redneck and I don't think you want that."

I turn back and give Lurker a smile, "So..... You up here and the thin air, any words of wisdom?"

***

"Over complication is a cause of many ..." blah blah blah. What? You stupid blahs I wanted to hear what Lurker was saying and you just barged in! I can't ask him to repeat himself either already, that would be rude!

The blahs are forcing me to do something, the stupid looking smile and nod something. Grrr.... stupid smile and nod. Please don't realize that I am covering for the inner blah blah stuff. Please..... "Thank you for sharing," I say, bowing my head for a moment.

"Oh wise one, I have something to ask you."

The monk nodded and motioned with his head back to a lone cave behind him. "That way."

"What that way?" I ask as I motion with my head.

"Your answer," the monk answered.

"I haven't even asked anything yet.

"There is no reason to ask anymore since you have the answer now. It is that way," motioning to the cave again.

"Ok I get the hint," I say as I stand up and dust of my pants. Remember snowflakes stain with water and that can lead to some embarrassing situations. Crunch crunch goes the snow as I walk over to the cave entrance, look inside and then questionably look back at  the monk, who is just floating there with his legs still crossed. A fishy voice can be heard in my head, "It's a trap!"

"Is this a trap?" I ask and without waiting. "Am I going to go in and find a not so quite teddy bear just waiting to sharpen its claws on something?"

The monk nodded and pointed towards the back of the cave.

"Okay, but if something happens I am so coming back out and having a word." I reply as I start to walk into the  cave. Wow for a cave it is getting dark fast and me without my nightlight.


((Dark areas are scary, find out how scary in the same monkey topic, I would say same monkey time but can’t guarantee that. That and it will be dark so I won’t be able to see the hands of the clock.))

[Catherine]

Darkness. Darkness. Darkness. A foot finds something and I stumble. Darkness. Something hits head and squeaks. Darkness. Not sure how I am writing these words since I can't see my hand. Darkness.  Wait a second there it is, my hand! Two large flat fingers and a thumb. Darkness.  No I have four fingers and a thumb! Darkness. Quickly walking and not running in the darkness.

Then I run, *cough* okay quick walk,  into something uncavish, don't bother looking up 'uncavish' since it doesn't exist. Well it does now, so please use it if you like, it is not not copyrighted or trademarked so do not worry about that. Also I should give you the definition so it can be used correctly. Uncavish is something that doesn't fit properly into the whole cave thing. It is an adjective too and not a verb so you can't say 'I am going uncavish on this hamburger *growl*.'

Back to the uncavish thing, sitting right there in the middle of the cave behaving most uncavish is a turnstile spanning the width of the tunnel. This has to be joke, I silently tell myself as I run up to it.  Pushing my body into it, I expect it to give but nothing. Grrrr....Jump it maybe, but I see the sign sitting there saying a clear easily to understand message. 'Don't even consider jumping the turnstile, just get it out of your mind now. Pay up and then you can pass.'

"Pay up?" I yell, grabbing the turnstile, pushing and jerking on it trying to express something, "This is a cave not the New York City subway!"  I start to yell when I see another sign doing the sign thing with words, 'Stop the yelling or you will wake up the vampire bats. A penny is all we are asking. Deposit it in the slot and ye shall pass.'

Vampire bats? Eek! Pass on those so I immediately turn my volume down. A penny? Those things multiply in pockets like rabbits even if your pockets are empty. I don't know how but there is always at least one penny in a pocket. Go ahead and look, I will wait. What yours didn't have a penny?  You must have scared it off.

I check and I am a penny wiser, it gleams in the cave's not light as I hold it up and in it goes in with a clunk. A push later and I am on the other side. Just in time too! As the two fingered thing runs up. "Sorry," I say pointing towards the turnstile and then the sign, "It costs one penny and you don't have pockets." I watch as two fingers drops its shoulders in defeat right before I turn and walk away, into the soon blinding light and adventure!


***

Nothing says adventure than the smell of ruins in the morning. Yeah I know it isn't exactly morning now, somewhere in the world it is morning though. Sniff, okay yeah these ruins are a little blah, they must be past their 'Use by' date. Pew Pew.

Okay, how did I get here you ask?  Good question to be honest. You are probably doing the whole scratching your head thing right now, please tell me you don't have fleas.

How did I get here? Well I can tell you some big complicated  thing about matter displacement and stuff but really that is just yawn. Let's just say that I am here now and settle with that.  Be happy that I didn't go into the mathematics side of it either, you don't have enough fingers and toes.

Looking look around I can see the standard and I guess required elements of ruins; tons of dust, spider webs and things in not so good conditions. If people took better care of their ruins, you know dust them every once in awhile, they would be in better shape. I blame laziness or some great event as the cause of ruins and the shape they are in.

If you build a large unknown and hard to get to city you should take care of it, at least dust every once in a while. What I am seeing now can not be called dust bunnies at all, dust elephants maybe. Now if it was some great event, I understand. That (dusting and stuff) is the last thing you are thinking about when you are trying to save your bacon.

But that is all in the past and now it is the present so time to explore, before I become a ruin. 

* Adjust imaginary felt fedora which surprisingly didn't get blown off in the climb.*

Now reader, yes I know you are there reading my words. If you weren't, you wouldn't be reading these right now so...

Before I go further into the ruins, I should stop and tell you about some things you need to look for when looking around ruins. Let's give it a name, I got it 'Monkey's Tips and Stuff for when you are ruin crawling and don't want anything bad to happen to you sort of maybe I really don't know but hey. - First Edition.'

* Lick mental pencil; Chapter One - Things that make you go Ow! *

When exploring ruins there are several things to look for, yes treasure is one of them, but the thing I am focusing on in this chapter is traps. They sort of can ruin a ruin crawl quickly if sprung. Once you take a spear to the chest that pile of rubble over there doesn't look to inviting to climb up. We will quickly review the four types of traps you might find below.

Number one is pit traps, either intentionally placed. Don't ask me why either. I can just imagine some crazed interior designer, "You know what will look good in this corridor, a pit trap. That will push the whole decor to the next level too. It is the in thing this year and you can fill them with just about anything; water, spikes, jello, balls or just keep them empty." Then the unintentionally  placed. You know stuff just falls sometimes, caused by nature or some big heavy thing that doesn't watch the weight load and down they go. What can I say about pit traps? Easily dodged if they aren't camouflaged and if they have spikes at the bottom it will hurt. Ball ones are fun though.

Number two is the dart slash arrow traps. Those smart, smart a lot when you get tagged by a dart or arrow. It is the whole where did this thing come from thing. Sometimes those little things are poisoned too. You will know if a dart is poisoned if the world starts to go dark and you fall to the floor. Also with these types of traps; be it darts, arrows and sometimes spears is the important phrase, 'There is never just one!' That means hello pin cushion! Remember if you are exploring with another, always walk two steps behind them, just saying. You want to see  and not feel darts.

Number three is the crushing traps. Every ones knows what I am talking about. Big heavy thing comes down and CRUSH! Most are set in one spot but then you got those interior designers who like being creative. Who like to get the ball rolling in more ways than one. Crash.....roll....roll....roll....CRUSH!!! Easily detectable, "Look a large heavy weight hanging over to there, what will I do?" or if the trap is sprung "I am so flattened that you took the time to put a trap here."

Number four is the animal trap. These come in many shapes and sizes. From little snakes that bite and hiss to big things with teeth and claws. These are tricky since they are mobile and can take many forms. What works for one won't work for the other. A stick might help with a snake but you will just piss of the tiger. Oh and to add to the mobile thing, other traps won't chase you down. That is the key thing to remember when you go screaming from some animal trap, something has your back and soon it will be chewing on some part of you.

* Slips mental pencil behind ear and okay. *



((Time to go exploring! Find out what is found and why or why not ruins are called ruins next time.))

[Catherine]

"Let us, well me actually, get going. Ruins to explore and fun times to have, Come on!"

I take in what I can see as I descend the stairs in front of me? For ruins I would give them a good rating, multiple levels and everything. Better than some of the ones I have imagined exploring.  All the dust is piled up in the right places and everything, someone took great care in setting up these ruins, which is a good sign! I will have to tell you though, Some just hastily just throw a ruin together and you get some mockery of ruin. No soul just hastily strewn about rubble. But whoever designed this ruin, knew what they were doing and it shows.

As I walk along enjoying the craftsmanship in the ruins, maybe even whistling and not realizing it. I come upon a door of immensity. I reach up for the doorknob and well yeah nothing. Well there was something, a squishy feeling. Slowly I close my eyes as I drop my hand. I don't even bother looking at what my hand found, I can only guess and really ick. "Stupid bats," I growl shaking my hand to get the squishy stuff off. I hear a couple splats and then *ninja art of hand sanitizing* pull out a moist towelette out of thin air. Wipe wipe wipe and toss the towelette into the garbage can right over there.

Okay back to the door of immense size.  I did hear a laughing squeak as I tossed the towelette away. So I can expect another squishing up there, thanks to Mr. Squeaks. The only thing I can do is bite the bullet and take the squishing until the door is open.  Then sanitize and grumble at the bat.

Close eyes and focus. Breath and relax. Hand goes up and squish. Ick! Keep a hold of the doorknob. Ick! Start to turn doorknob. Ick! Push on door. Ick! CREAK.... I hear a flapping behind me and a squeakish screech, quickly I turn and can see a bat flying towards me all dive bomber like.

"What are you going to do?" I say before sticking out my tongue, "I am through and I can wipe my hand off after I get through, nah nah nah hah nah."

From this distance I should not have been able to see the look on the bat's face. How it starts to grimace and squeeze its eyes closed. Suddenly like a spray of bullets, which aren't really bullets but I am thinking you can guess what he is firing, a line of Ick splats start peppering the ground in my direction. SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

"Oh I am not going to be taken out in a hail of Ick, no no no," quickly I dodge around the door and can feel the multiple impacts of the Ick hitting the door. CHOOM. CHOOM. CHOOM. CHOOM.

In my head I could imagine the bat doing some aerial stunt and passing through the opening in the doorway, only to pepper me from this side. I would be powerless against its Ick barrage like the big ape was on the building with the airplanes.

"I am no big ape!" I growl as I apply pressure of the closing type to the door. Slowly it begins to give in and the door closes with a door closing sound. Followed by another sound, ok I would cheapen the moment if I said it was one sound so here is what I heard.

"Oh squeak......" THUNK! Followed by something sliding down the other side of the door. Quickly I turn around, back against the door and do a reverse arm thrust, "Yes!"

***
With my back against the door, I could see the doorway across the room from me. How the room was getting light was a general unknown. It just was, maybe it was the amount of dust that was creating the light. That was feasible in some weird way or another. Just don't ask me to describe it though. Or........ Ruins have a natural lighting system for safety. Just think what would happen to a ruin's insurance rates if someone got hurt as they stumbled around in the darkness. The first time would cost tons and whoever was running the ruins would have to close them. So yeah maybe safety lighting.

There are some pluses for lighting ruins, some I have listed already and then negative things is primarily one or another. By carrying your torch, you are doing several things. One is that you are using one of your hands, so you have to give a weapon or something else that is important up. Imagine going into a fight and asking whatever monster you are facing and asking them to hold. Not a good situation to be in.

Second is a general knowledge of where you are at for everything else. "Look guys I think someone is over there, you know with the torch." So yeah not good when you are trying to be all sneaky.

Oh and the final negative, two combined into one really. If you are carrying a torch,fire burns. Think about that. If you are using a flashlight, batteries! Just think, you are out in the middle of ruins and the flashlight dies. Suddenly you find yourself in pitch darkness and is that something breathing heavy over there?


***


Back to what my eyes can see, like the strange lettering over by the other door. Let's see bird, moon, square, inchworm standing up, inchworm sitting down, a donut, another inchworm, bird, a diamond and some other stuff. Okay someone was being artsy with their ruins, I think. I wonder......

Quickly I get out the Boy Scout manual, they couldn't be in..... Flip. Flip. Flip. Some more flips. Okay there is a section on symbols, someone really did their research! Diamond - circle - half eaten donut and two dots means 'I would like to buy some cheese.' Interesting and here is one asking 'Where is the bathroom?' Okay why? Did they carry a chisel and rock around with them all the time? Chisel out a message and point? Then wait for the other person to do the same? That is a lot of rocks used in a long conversation,  I would think.

Anyway let me do some looking up and decoding. Okay, okay, bird means this, circle, okay, square actually is an accent for the following character, carry the three, ok, inchworm means this unless standing  up which means something else, ok, add some spaces then divide by lemon and got it. It says,  drum roll please, 'This is a warning sign and you have been warned. Watch out for ...'

"Umm, watch out for what?" I ask checking the manual again. "For what?" Quickly checking the symbols again. Okay nothing... It just ends!

What is the worse thing it could be though, a minotaur? All horns and stuff so really not a problem. The only time one of those is a problem is when you are wearing red and it looks like I am devoid of red so I am safe. Quickly I close the manual and slip it back into my bag as I leave the room, behind me a strange breeze kicks up in the room, blowing some of the dust away and revealing several more symbols, which if I saw and deciphered, they would say 'Demon!'

***

We are walking briskly, please remember no running in ruins unless something that can make you go "Ow!", is chasing after you. Then run like the wind. Okay over that way is rubble and over that way is more rubble, so if you need some rubble to finish off your collection, you might find it here.

Faster than slowly I make my way down a corridor, around a corner and look another corridor. Of course I continue down that one because that is what makes corridors  happy, going down them and I find myself at an intersection. Right, left or straight ahead? If I go down the wrong one I might find myself a snack of a large mouth with teeth, which sounds appetizing but no. There is also the whole lost thing too. But that will never happen what with my super cute and adorable monkey senses. Me getting lost is like me getting my hand stuck in a paper bag, it will never happen. Yes there was that one time but that bag had a death grip on my hand.

I take a step into the middle of the intersection and close my eyes. Deep breath to center myself as I bring a hand up with a finger pointed.

*ninja art of find me the way*

I start to spin in place, well the best that I can stay in place. My hand getting pulled out straight by centrifugal forces or something *cough* arm getting tired *cough*. Spin, spin and spin. My tummy starts to tell me that I should stop or it will help me lose my lunch and my tail nods in agreement. "Hold on!" I whisper as I spin faster and faster, stars and birds whirling around me. I hear a "Moo..........", it couldn't be, a moo cow? I stumble and being to fall, it's working!

The world is keeps spinning as I lay here, just slower now as I open my eyes. My hand pointing down one corridor.,"It always works," I say as I try to stand, whoops almost lost it there as I stumble a little. Let me brace myself against the wall for just a moment. I have found that the ninja art of find me the way always takes a little out of a person. So let me rest for just a moment against this wall..... Stupid wall, stop moving! I...I....I got you.

Closing my eyes,  I take a couple breaths and then slowly reopen them to see if the whole spinning thing stopped. Yeah I think so, no more I am going to be sick on the spinning so fast kids are getting tossed off like nothing merry-go-around effect. I push away and start to head down the corridor when I feel a tapping on my shoulders.

"Yes?" I say giving my tail a quick glance. It motions back the other way. "I am going the wrong way aren't I?" it nods and motions again in the opposite direction. "Thank you," I say stopping and then taking off in the other direction.

"You are always watching out for my butt."


((Hmmm Ruins to explore. What could go right or wrong? See next Monkey time.))

[Catherine]

"Well hello there," I say ninja silent to myself when I spot something down the corrido. Instantly I take a step to the side and crouch behind a rock.

* ninja art of invisibility *

Do not be scared, I am only a rock and not a super cute and adorable monkey girl with a staff of whapping. So please lead me, especially through any traps. Mental hand across forehead and whew! This will make the ruin crawling easier, following one of the ruins so they will know where all the bad things are.

Oops forgot to say what I saw, it was a robe! Oh that is really scary, you laugh but something was in the robe too. What was in the robe was unknown because it was being concealed by the robe, so it could be a person, animal, ghost or monster. I am so hoping it is number one on the list and not number three or four.

Anyways I scurry from one side to the other down the corridor, following the robe. Every so often it would stop and turn in my direction. Instantly I would stop of course, so tempted to wave at the robe though sometimes. But I was running silent and below radar now, stealth mode, so waving was not an option. Even my  tail was in stealth mode, wearing those thermal goggles that every spy wears. There is no way that robe would get way from us.

I keep following the robe, gosh this is a long corridor, when he finally turns a corner. Quickly but oh so carefully, not even 'accidentally' kicking the beetle that was just begging to be punted, I run up and  peek around the corner, What the? Where did? How the?

Okay empty corridor, robes don't just disappear into nothing. Maybe the robe knew someone was following it and beat feet as soon as it turned the corner. Yeah that is it, ruins usually never have secret entrances or anything. Cautiously I step out into the empty corridor and start to head down it. Nothing, no signs or anything. Just the weird looking fungus on the walls, but ruins and fungus go together like peanut butter and chocolate so I am not going to yell at the fungus.

I get about halfway down the corridor when I hear multiple somethings cocking like shotguns. CHANK....CHUNK!. All up and down either side of the corridor. Quickly I start to look around, where is it coming from? Fake wall?  KNOCK.....KNOCK nope! If there are holes in the walls, they are pretty well hidden in the fungi. I crouch down a little to take myself below the average hole height and slowly start my way down the corridor again.

Almost....almost.....wait a second did the fungi move. It can't be, but I swear it is pointing directly at me now. CHANK....CHUNK! My eyes fly open right after the last possible moment when I finally figure out something. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The fungus starts firing large blasts of spores at me. Frantically  I try to dive and roll out of the blasts but the whole corridor is lined with the fungus. BLAM! BLAM! I get thrown across the corridor. Dive and roll. BLAM! The roll is extended and for some odd reason I get the feeling I am the ball in a pinball machine as I get bounced up and down that corridor. If the rubble lighting up every time I hit a wall, I really don't know.

BLAM! One last blast knocks me back to where I started. Covered in spores and blargh dizzy. "Ugh!" I say as I roll out of the ball, my tail falling down beside of me,nStupid shotgun fungus. Blargh! Usually it isn't this powerful, it must have....Blargh! Let me lay here for a little while so my tummy can stop spinning. How did the robe get by, I wonder as I lay there trying not to be blargh.

After a moment or maybe twenty, I flip around and start to pick myself up a little as I look at the ground. Any footprints would of been erased due to my 'pinball action.' So that is a no go...

I stand up and quickly check the walls. Yes they are definitely walls no questions there. Press. Press. Press. No hidden switches. Press. Press. Press. Nothing. There is that one weird looking knobby type thing over there. SQUEAK!!!!!! No that is just a very angry bat now.

"So how did robe do it?" I ask turning to look down the corridor. Nothing looks out of place, the fungi is about three feet off the ground. Almost like it is in a straight line all the way..... Hey wait a minute, could it be? Did robe limbo all the way down the corridor ?

It is worth a try and I hear my spine crack as I assume the proper limbo position. Inhale, exhale and start. It's working, I tell myself after taking a couple steps forwards but it is also hurting! Yow by the time I make it to the other side, my knees and back will be screaming.

Eventually I reach the other side, my knees are threatening mutiny or even worse. I stand stretching and do some emergency jumping jacks to get them, my knees and back,  ready then off I go.

***


You know what is really good to do after doing limbo, stairs! A couple is fine of course and they get the heart rate up too, but okay this amount Is crazy stupid. There is like more than twelve of them! Oh the life of a monkey girl, back of hand to forehead. If I must, I must.


***

"Hey, they weren't that hard," I say looking back down from the top. These ancient form of escalators aren't half bad.  My tail sways back and forth for a moment then taps me on the shoulder as I stand there proudly at the tops of the stairs. Having mastered them, wachaa!

"Yes?" I ask as I turn my attention to my tail. It motions for me to look that way and when I do my jaw drops and hits the ground. THUMP! Ow! More? Why is there more? "Fine....." I say as I walk up the new set of steps. "Ha ha!" I announce defiantly as I spin around at the top of the stairs. My tail signals me again and I slowly look, my shoulders dropping when I see the next set of stairs. "Maybe I can just adventure..." My tail stops me before I can continue,"Yeah I know. Let's go."

I can tell you about every step that I took, every flight thinking it would be my last. But it would just be boring and really I lived through it once and that was enough. Yes there was that one step which had a crack on it that looked like Richard Nixon and there was that one flight of stairs that had a lemonade stand at the top of it. But do you really want to hear about those? Just shake your head, that is what I thought.

Up I climbed, losing count on the number of flights my feet touched, more than I can count using my fingers and toes I tell you. I can imagine the interior designer for the ruins thinking it would be 'cool' and 'cutting edge' to have all the stairs connected but my feet and back beg to differ. One of them even mentioned that if they ever saw the designer they would kick him in the balls. But that is just delirious ‘oh my monkey there is a ton more than a lot of stairs’ talk.

After a while the stairs started getting to me and several times I thought it was some cruel sick joke and that somehow I have been on a stair step machine the whole time, even stopping for a moment to see if I would keep moving. Nope, not a stair step machine just a deranged interior designer.

At the top, yes I finally reached it! Thank monkey and I would have jumped up and down but my legs were on autopilot so I stumbled and fell instead. I found that the warm hard stone floor felt good on my face and the hot breeze blowing from somewhere caused me to shiver but it didn't matter. Slowly I roll over and raised both of my arms up into the air, hands coming together to form the power sign of "T". "Calling a timeout here ref." I announce before letting my arms drop back on top of me, my whole body yawning.


((Yawn... See what monkey girls dream of and it isn’t sheep either next Monkey post.))

[Catherine]

"Wake up girlie!"

"What'sa?" I reply, eyes still closed doing the whole waking up mouth thing. Thinking it was just some type of dream I just roll over and zzzzzzzz........ Something nudges me in the darkness and I hear a rough "I said wake up girlie."

I turn over and sleepily open my eyes to see... Suddenly the 'Oh my god, what is that!' reaction kicks in and instantly I eep and move several feet away. Okay I should explain what an 'eep move' is for those who don't know. An 'eep move' happens when something startles you and you suddenly  find yourself feet away probably after saying "Eep!" and in a position where you can run away if it doesn't have the purest intent, example; it has a sharp object in its hand and a look in its eyes that says I will poke you with this over and over.

Back against the wall and now fully awake, I find myself staring at something scaly, ugly and wearing headphones? Oh and small, I forgot about small. The ugly part sort of well overwhelmed the whole size thing. It was about this tall.

I watched as ugly thing's tongue curled out for just a moment before it shifted the cigar, that it had in its mouth, from one side to the other, "What's your problem, have ya never seen a gilly before?"

"A gilly?" I answer, seriously considering pulling out the staff and poking the ugly thing.

"Yeah, a gilla monster," the ugly thing responded.

"Um, yeah on TV and everything but they weren't you know."

"What?" the gilla monster asked.

"Doing the whole walking on two legs thing and talking," I answer.

The ugly thing spits something that hisses when it hits the ground, "Yah, we try to keep that on the low. What's your name?"

"Well...."

"Spit it out so I don't have to keep calling you girl," the ugly thing said pointing the cigar at me.

"I am Nichole Anne Marie Smith, some call me 'Monkey' and you are?"

"Well Monkey," the ugly thing says, pausing for a moment to let out a rough chuckle," you can call me Stephen if you like, even if you don't like either."

"It is a pleasure to me you, Stephen."

"Like wise," Stephen answered as he turned around and started to walk away, "so what brings you to this little slice of hot?"

My legs scream, quietly scream though, as I stand. "Adventure," I answer, "and you?"

"Well," insert the sound of spitting here and something wet hitting the floor. "I was here to see a band here months ago, called Spinebreaker," Stephen stops and throws up the rock on hand sign, which is interesting to see since he didn't have enough fingers really."But things got mucked up, when their lead singer/guitarist disappeared. Concert cancelled and everyone got up and left. But I stayed, think she is still here."

I watch as Stephen steps to the edge of the window then just drops out of the view, "Geronimo......"

"Stephen!" I yell, running over to the window, hoping I can do something.


***

You sort of expect certain things, when you see a person just disappear out a window followed by you running up to it yelling their name. Things like them yelling "nooooooo...................." as they fall, realizing that the ground isn't too soft and it is going to hurt a lot.  Well I got the unexpected as you will see by the next paragraph, I know I just ruined it for you didn't I? You expected a splat, wanted it maybe but no you have been denied it or have you?


***

"Why are you bloody yelling my name for?" Stephen yelled back, sitting there several feet down on an old speaker, attached to the wall.

"Sorry, I thought you...."

Stephen tilted his head back to look directly at me, well up my nose I guess. Please let it be booger free. Smoke from his cigar tickling my nose as he started to talk, "I did what? Jump? Ha! Some would love me to do that, but I plan to be around for many years to come."

Stephen took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked the ashes off it and I watch as they flare up one last time as they fall towards the.... What is that?

Interest piqued I lean out and out and out. Full body all the way on my tippy toes and dangerously leaning way to far out.  My tail grunting as it tries to keep me from falling, "Hey I am not that heavy!" My tail has other thoughts as it turns red, straining to prevent the cute and adorable from falling. "I am not that heavy!!!"

I point down towards the 'What is that', curiosity slipping from my lips "Ooooooo, What is that?"


***

Stephen shifts the cigar to the other side of his mouth before he answers. "That is the Spinebreaker's stage, well what is left of it. When I said everyone left, I meant everyone and not everything. Everyone just left overnight leaving the stage. Not sure why though, maybe they think it is cursed after the disappearance." His  joints crack as he stands and walks to the edge of the speaker. "If you look really hard, you can see the outline of Dee's, the lead singer/guitarist speaker, right over there." Stephen said,  pointing to just left of the center of the stage. Where a faint outline can be seen, strangely not bleached away by the sun.

Still hanging there I turn my head to look at Stephen, "Did anyone see anything?"

"A bloke saw a couple white robes come from nowhere and take her. He said they scurried up here and disappeared. Must have been on something if he saw that,” Stephen says motioning down,"it is a sheer drop. How would they have climbed it?"

"White robe?"

Stephen dropped his hand and looked right into my eyes,"Yeah, why?" I swallowed before answering him I just saw one. "I followed one up here."

Stephen's eyes burned before a moment, bright as the cigar's embers as he stood there and stewed. "Up there," he pointed up to the room.

"Yeah."


***

"Maybe...." Stephen said as he started to climb up the cliff face and back into the room."You came from the left side and I was outside, so the white robe didn't go back or out my direction. Which leaves one way." Looking towards the other set of stairs leading down.

"I have only gone a flight or two down before weird stuff started to happen, hence the name." Stephen pointed towards the sign on the wall.

"Ruins of madness," I read out loud, "that doesn't sound too good. Almost like some weird amusement park ride too."

Stephen shot me a look of 'what the' before shaking his head. "Well, One of us should go down and see. Since you already tried and did the whole sick thing, I guess it should be me. Oh wow a rhyme that is a good sign, Be back in a little bit!" I say waving back at Stephen as I descend into madness or whatever is down the stairs. I look back at Stephen, "There isn't a lot of small figures singing a song over and over is there? I have an allergy to that." Stephen replies without words but with a look, one that looks  like shock or that says, 'how can someone be that stupid go down to a place called the ruins of madness.'  One of those, can't tell sometimes.

"Good, thank you,” I say giving Stephen a little smile and wave, "I get all itchy all over and didn't bring my allergy stuff." Before Stephen could say anything I turn and head to madness, oooooo scary.


((Ruins of madness... that doesn’t sound good does it? Find out next time....))

[Catherine]

I can tell you this, going down stairs is easier than going up them. A lot easier in fact. I wish they built all stairs so that you can just go down them. The world would be so Dali, going down to go up. My legs would complain a lot less.


***

Okay let's see Stephen said he could only make it down five flights before having to turn back. I wonder what happens there, yeah I have this tingling shooting through my body right now but that is just tingling. So nothing special. Oh, maybe a clown will jump out from a secret compartment down there. That is a good way to start out madness, clowns springing out from nowhere. What with their red noses that can honk, smiling on the outside but not on the inside thing and those big shoes. A bundle of mixed messages, so confusing to figure out sometimes.  Maybe the clown will juggle Swedish fish, fun fun. I can't wait. "I am coming..." I sing out hoping the clown will be ready in time.

Three flights down, followed by four flights down and... Need to act surprised when the clown pops out. Need to act surprised. Not give him the 'I guessed the surprise' look. Should  I practice the surprised look? No then it will look practiced and not spur of the moment. The clown deserves spur of the moment. I turn the corner  and nothing. No clown just another flight of stair, that look the same as the others.  So why couldn't Stephen get pass this flight of stairs then? Yes there is this tingling but eh.

There has to be something here that prevented Stephen from going further, I tell myself, where is the clown? I start to look around for anything off, primarily off colored stones in the wall . Why you ask, have you never seen a cartoon? Anything that moves is painted another 'off' color. Why the cartoon characters can't see that is beyond me. But hey, if it is done there, it can be done here. Ask yourself this, if you made a secret door wouldn't you lose it if it is painted the same color as everything else around it? Unless of course, you did something that make it stick out, duh!

I carefully check both sides of the corridor and for fun I check the floor and ceiling, everything looks the same. So the different color theory is out. What is next? Ah yes, tapping everything with my knuckles. If it is hollow it will sound different. I look around, a lot of stone which is hard and t would hurt after a while. I bring up my hands and look at my knuckles, it is time to decide . DoI want to bruise MY knuckles?  It would be easier if I had someone else's knuckles but there is a shortage there. Hmm...... I look down at my knuckles and the unbruised state they are in I decide to pass on it.

What next? Marks on other surfaces from the opening and closing. Those would be obvious and much easier on the knuckles too. Looking and no. Other than the message scratched deeply into the wall that says 'Pass this point and all will die!' and all of the claw marks around it, so nothing.

So no clowns, sad face. Well maybe he went to lunch. Questioning minds want to know, okay I want to know and since the break room wasn't up above that means only one thing.

"I am coming clown..."


***

No surprises on five and I was so expecting a clown popping out. So far the ruins of madness is more like the ruins of blah, I mean look stairs and stones, that is all! Nothing even hinting at madness or even starting with the letter 'M'. Someone seriously named this wrong, like they did Greenland and Iceland. Maybe they should have named it the ruins of descending stairs. Blah!

So yeah stairs, seen one and you have seen them all. I even tried to play games to pass the descent to the break room. I tried counting the stairs and got bored at two. I spy with my little eye something that starts with the letter 'S', stairs yay! I did learn that I can jump eight stairs the hard way, let's say that my tail is still aching.

The only thing that kept me entertained was the messages on the walls, floor and ceilings. I made it this far, watch out for ergh, the white robes use bleach and Eat at Joes; to name a few. For a moment I considered changing into a bouncing ball and bounce down the stairs but then when I hit bottom I would have to run back up to get my stuff. So even though it sounded fun, the going back  up part didn't.

So yes walking and walking and walking. I probably should fast forward through this so you don't get bored reader.

* Press fast forward *

Walking....Walking.....Walking....Let's see where I am at.

* Press play *

"No I don't want to buy any cookies." Nope.

* Press fast forward *

Walking....Walking.....Walking....I look funny walking fast. This part looks right and CLICK.


***

"Okay that was a lot of stairs and that little girl selling cookies was odd." I say reaching the bottom. Looking around I can see a hallway running to the right and left. What is the old saying, 'Left is right, unless you standing on one of the poles during a full eclipse on the vernal equinox or something.' Both look good and probably I will be exploring both, if not running with extreme speed as something chases me to the other.

"Hmmmm..... Hand show me the way," I point to the right and do the thumbs up thing. Being a experienced but not so experienced ruin explorer I do what comes natural. I pull on a piece of chalk,  yellow the color of direction. Kneeling down , I draw a arrow and a message 'Going this way'  before standing back up and feeling my jaw hit the floor.

How many times did I draw the pointer and the message, once wasn't it? How can there be one, two, three, four and so on number of messages. I can discount the ones pointing to the walls, since I can't walk though walls yet. Key word in that last sentence is 'Yet'.

Need to think....

((Madness in the madness part. Will madness overcome monkey and how many times can I say madness before everyone starts to scream. Find out in the next part or maybe none. mwhahaha....))

[Catherine]

Okay, I wrote once I thought and well... I look up and see that more 'Going this way' messages have appeared. All of them look exactly the same, color and style wise. I flip the chalk up in the air, swipe if out of the air and quickly tap it three times on the floor. "One....two and three," I say out loud confirming the amount of times I tapped the chalk to me and whatever was creeping about. Like that thing over there.


When I look back up again, I can see there are more than three chalk tappings. Way more in fact, they multiplied like rabbits. All over the place too. Well this is different, I think to myself. Time for another test. I curl up and cover my hand as I write another message. 'Let us see what happens with this!', I giggle to myself. Three....Two....One and look.

"Got you! You stupid walls, floors and ceilings!" I say, proudly pointing to my message that clearly wasn't copied. You couldn't write down what you couldn't see.

* Proud and defiant ninja stance with a ha ha thrown in *

"You didn't even get any of what I wrote down right! 'No we are not!' is not what I wrote. I wrote 'Walls, floors and ceilings are stupid."

The chalk goes flying, back into the bag of course, when realization hits me like a stack of bricks.... Yeah no, that would hurt a lot. Let's try cotton balls instead. Realization hits me like a pile of cotton balls. I like that, can we edit that first sentence and sort of blend the two. What? It isn't possible?

* Tongue comes out and raspberry blown. *

Nothing isn't impossible unless it is beyond infinitely hard. Which this isn't, just move the mouse, click and re type. There you go, not to hard now was it? CLICK! Back to the scene.


***

There I am with no wind blowing through my hair for a cool effect. Just me and walls, ceilings and floors that are written all over. How the writing is being done still stumps me. Strings? People dressed in black so they can't be seen? Gnomes? Spirits of graffiti artists of the past? What?!?

I start my investigation with a imaginary magnify glass in hand. Looking for any type of clue on what was causing the writing. Happy to report the intersection is string free and there are no tiny footprints. Did not run into any black suited people either.  Spirits of graffiti artists, did a session with a Ouija board. Got nothing there, just an evp that will be burned and its ashes scattered to somewhere else, dirty minded spirits.

So the only thing that can be done is just pick and go for it. Maybe throw something down one of the corridors and see what happens. But since this is the ruins of almost madness, I might get whapped in the back of the head with whatever I threw. Pass!

It will be a difficult decision to make, fifty fifty shot really in picking the correct one. Of course the roar, well growling actually, coming from what I think is the right hand corridor makes it easier. "Left it is!" I say heading down well, you sort of know which one now, the left corridor. Which looks corridory, which is a good sign.

***


I hear the growling again, echoing throughout the hallway as I walk. Whatever it is, is hungry by the tone of the growl which means this little monkey girl could be lunch if she isn't careful. So I do what any intelligent person would do, walk faster! I can feel my tail slowly fanning left to right, keeping its eyes open for anything coming up from behind, since it likes my butt and doesn't want anything to happen to said butt. Especially of the chewing and digesting type. That would be uncomfortable for the both of us really.

You know It is a gut reaction to turn around when you hear something growl. Why I am not sure, I would think running would be better and maybe swerving right to left too. But I fall to peer pressure and turn around to see what is growling. Hallway! The hallway is growling at me? That isn't good, especially since I can picture myself unknowingly walking down some giant worm's throat and it isn't pretty. 

*shiver*

I hear it again and I turn, why I don't know maybe I was hoping that I would see something but nada. Maybe the growling thing is invisible. That would be better than walking down some giant worm's throat. But ick! Again with the picturing thing and one of those invisible men models. You know the ones, where you can see everything inside, now with see what is in the stomach stuff. Another poor adventurer or other inhabitant of the ruins would turn around a corner and see me squeezed into a little goober shape. Which I don't want to be shaped as, I like my shape!

There it is again, the growl! It sounded close. Like right on top of me close! Quickly I assume battle stance and look up with the standard don't get anything in my eyes pose. Nothing but ceiling.

"Something is playing with me," I mumble, looking around for the source of the growling.


((What is the source of the mysterious growling. Is the monster hiding behind a garden gnome or that kitten right over there *point* find out next Monkey time.))

[Catherine]

Suddenly my tummy quivers, is it sensing a competitor for food? The growling is louder now, so loud I can feel it in my tummy. My tummy must be scared because it knows the other tummy is bigger? GROWL..... I prepare for instant chewing. GROWL!!!! It sounds like it is right below my chin, it must be swallowing me whole!

I know it us stupid but my interest in piqued, I have to see the lips of the the thing that will chew me. Are they chapped? I look down and see nothing but my quivering tummy. Where is the growling thing? My tummy responds with a growl.

So it was... But it sounded like... Is it a ventriloquist and threw its growl?

Growwwwlllll!

"Yes, I know it is you now"

Growl! Growl!

"You are hungry?"

Groooowl!

"Okay I didn't bring anything to eat."

Grrrroowwll! Growl!

"What we are in the middle of ruins there won't be a fast food restaurant."

Growl! Grrrooowwwllll! Growl!

"Find something, like what? Rubble?"

Growl! Growl! Growl! Growl!

"Eat what? That thing over there, what thing?"

GROWL! GROWL! GROWL!

"Okay, Okay. You don't have to yell. This is going to be sick and probably not taste like chicken, no matter what people say."


***

I watch whatever it is, skittering down the hallway, its shell an iridescent green. Antenna wiggling as it moves. If I had to guess it is about two fists in size if not larger, so yeah big. It does not look yummy or close to appetizing, definitely does not look like it will taste like chicken. Unless a chicken has a carapace, six legs and antenna. "Are you sure?" I ask looking at my tummy.

Grumble! Grumble!

"Okay..." My shoulders drooping as I walk over to the beetle. I watch as it stops for a moment and looks up at me then beats little shelled feet. My stomach growls as I reach for it and the beetle does the unexpected. It turns and throws itself at me. What the?!?  I throw my hands up, either to catch it or to block it from latching on my face. Thankfully it chooses not to latch on and instead it goes hurdling over my head, hits the ground and takes off.

Gruuuumble!

"I know," I tell my tummy before taking off after the beetle,"Get back here!" For something small it is fast, little legs are a blur. I dive for it and it pops straight up at the last moment and like a player sliding into home base, I slide into the wall. UMPH! Quickly I turn around and I can see the beetle lowering its head, almost like it is going to charge.

"What are you going to do, stub my toe?" I say laughing. Yeah the beetle didn't do what I expected, I expected a rush charge not a jump towards my face with everything attack. I should have really, but hey this is the ruins of madness, something got in my eye.

So yeah… Moments later I am eating beetle shell and no it doesn't taste like chicken either. Queue the slow motion scene; the beetle slowly zeroing onto my face, the look of surprise of the cute and adorable monkey girl as she says "No.............................", impact of face and exaggerated facial expression and monkey girl goes flying backwards onto her properly padded butt. UMPH!!!! Now back to regular speed.

Growl! Groooooowwwwllllll!

"Yes, I know", I say wiping my face as I sit up. Quickly I scan the corridor and can see the beetle standing there. It turns, raises its rear and shakes it at me before it starts to walk away. "Why you cocky little dung beetle!" Okay, I hope the beetle doesn't taste like or has touched dung, if it did, I hope it washed its hands or whatever it has.

GROWL!

Quickly I get up and lunge for the beetle, "Gotcha!" Hands touch shell and lift off ground. I can feel the beetle's legs going a mile a minute as I stand up and spin it around. I am not going to start at the butt!

The beetle looks at me with big puppy dog eyes, well as good as it can give them with the ones the beetle has. In that moment, I can feel my heart strings being pulled and I start to put the little guy or girl down, not sure how to tell the differences with bugs.

GROWL! GROWL!

I tilt the beetle forward and touch it to my forehead, closing my eyes for a moment. Silent words pass from my lips and fade to black. Do you really need to know that I ate the poor thing.

Growl!

((PTOW. PTOW. You know what is disgusting? Munching beetles blargh! Tune in next time so I wipe my tongue.))

[Catherine]

*Ninja art of the moist towelette*

Standing there I wipe my fingers off, think buffalo wings but a lot messier when you think about beetles, and I see a garbage can over in the corner. You know it is good practice to clean up after yourself when you are done, because once a ruin gets messy it is hard to get cleaned again. After I throw my stuff away, I turn and look where I came from and to where I am going. "I think....", pausing for a minute as my tail sways from side to side then points down the hallway, "ah yes that way."

I sling my bag over my shoulders, do a little stretch before heading down the corridor. No weird messages on the wall about turning back or for a good time call so and so, whoever so and so is. I could test it though, write a quick message and see if they are all over when I look up. So tempted to try but I should pass. Don't need to leave word litter behind since it would let others know where I have been and really the decor of the ruins does not scream words all over. Also I don't need the interior designer mad at me either, swearing vengeance for desecrating their work.


***


So walking is good. Down the hallway and around a corner. Carefully stepping over some rubble, that would have been a good place for a trap too. Step over and spear up the whohah, instant monkey girl on a stick. Glad someone forgot to put one there come to think about it.

Some more hallway and look something strange not seen too often intact in ruins. A door! The lunchroom maybe, curious monkey monkey girls want to know.

***

I could throw open the door and surprise everyone on the other side. WHAM! Surprise!!! Then watch them piddle their pants right before unloading whatever painful thing they have onto me. Yes the first part sounds funny but the second not so much. So pass. I could.... I take off my imaginary felt fedora and slip on my imaginary spy glasses and do spy smile with the twinkle and finger point.

Do I have a pen that fires missles? No! Do I have a belt that extends out to like fifty feet? No! I am not that fat either! X-ray glasses that I can see through things? *blush* No because I would see people's you know.... So no! What do I have then? My cuteness, my adorability and my tail. Deadly weapons in the right hands, my hands mwahahaha!

I crouch down against the door as my tail slips under it  to do some recon. It flips through night vision, ultralight vision and a couple more visions before sliding back out.  "Nothing?" I whisper and my tail nods,"Good!"

Quietly i stand and try the doorknob, locked!  Why would anyone lock a door in a ruin for, it is not like anyone would break in and steal rubble!  Spy-like, I slowly nod my head, wink and do the finger point. It looks like a standard twelve pin lock, no problem for a spy.

Hmm....What would my favorite spy do? Charm the lock so it opens by itself willing probably. Queue the inner voice imitating the masculine spy voice. "My you are a beautiful lock. Why don't you and I go somewhere quiet and I can show you my 'key'."

* mental wink

"I will press your tumblers just right, you will click like you have never clicked before," End inner voice imitating the masculine spy voice.

Come to think of it, I have never seen him pick a lock. He either charms it, shots it or blows it up. None of which I can or will do. Me and explosives, I will have to tell you the story about me and a handful of bottle rockets once. Poor ninja, he was never the same after that. Moment of silence.

That leaves credit carding the door or picking it. Forgot my plastic but hey I can borrow a reader's card. I am sure they wouldn't like to read how their card was mutilated right after I buy somethings, kidding I wouldn't do that. So that leaves picking the lock.


***

"Let's see," I say as I rub my chin while examining the lock. Yeah that is the one I would pick. So it should just..... Nope, it didn't work. Have to do it old school style.

Looking around the nearby rubble, I find rubble, which wouldn't work for picking licks. You can pick up a brick and try to pick a lock with it. Not going to work other than making a lot of noise and breaking the door knob. Which.......nah.

Garbage can then. Old beetle parts, which didn't taste like chicken when eaten, a styrofoam cup, some rubble, a couple speeding tickets and a piece of wire. Keep the tickets for latter as a just in case and take the wire, the rest is garbage.


***

Using my spy knowledge, I fashion a crude but serviceable lock pick with Bluetooth capabilities. Slowly I insert the pick into the lock. CLICK! Tumbler one. Push and twist. CLICK! Tumbler two. Wiggle properly padded butt. Tumbler four. Tail bob. Tumbler five. Wink. Tumbler six. Push. Tumbler seven. "Come on!". Tumbler eight. Twist and shake. Tumbler nine. Tongue out. Tumbler ten. Rattle knob. Tumbler eleven. Shift foot. Tumbler twelve. Twist knob and CLICK!

* stealth spy oh yeah *

Spy like, I shift to the side of the doorway, whoops wrong side. Ok shift to other side,  fix imaginary tie and cufflinks. Take a breath and push door open. Ccccccrrrrrreeeeeaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkk.


((What is behind door number one of well one.... well around here at least. Find out next time.))

[Catherine]

Okay doors in ruins need some oil or something, especially if they all creak like that. It sent shivers through my tail and up my back. For just good measures I shiver again a little at just the thought of the creak. See a shiver,

Quickly, spy quickly I scan the room to make a quick assessment of what is here. Table, chairs, garbage can, picture on wall, microwave, sink, coffee maker, calendar on wall that shows the wrong month, several take out menus and a half eaten thing of lime flavored jello. I can tell you what I think but it is obvious really, so I will not say anything

I flip through the take out menus to see if I can gather more information, flip flu flip. Okay someone likes Chinese. Flip flip flip. Also sub sandwiches. Flip flip flip. Definitely Chinese.

Hmmmm..... I scan the room again, nothing. Nothing says clown. No makeup. No shoes of larger and large size. No seltzer bottles either. Isn't it Union rules that every clown has a seltzer bottle?

***


"Ok, I need to find out info. Time for something new," I walk up to the table, sit down.

* good cop / bad cop technique"

I relax the muscles in my back. The room goes quiet. "So.....table I can see you like lime jello, tell me everything you know or...." I feel back and throw my head against the table, stars start to appear instantly. "That! Tell me now!"

Head goes boom on the table again, rattling the lime jello container and making the spoon jump and not with joy. The stars that are swirling around my head are nice and crisp, compared to everything else being blurry. Oh pretty.,.. "Tell me table, What do you know?" I pull my head back for one last try, "Forget it, you are of stronger resolve."

I stumble a little as I stand up, my head swimming in a massive headache and through a daze I can see a impression of a forehead in the table. Should I sign it, I ask myself, nah. "Nos clownsh here tail," I say with a sweep of a hand, "let'sh go..."

Stumbling out the door, I point one way "Thish way..." and my tail points the other. "What's? It is that way instead?" My tail nods and I trust that it is telling me the truth, "Ok we will go that way," A small smile forming as I reach into my bag and take out a small package of aspirin. Quickly running through the be carefuls, don't operates and the extra  sheet of side effects.  "Do not operate nuclear weapons while under the influence, "  questionably I flip the package over to see if it is a joke, "Am I being punk'd?" No it is your standard type aspirin, nothing special like 'Jimmy's aspirins of I will make you feel really good' or anything like that. When I rip the package open I swear I hear a little ghostly "ahhh........"  in the air. Ok strange but it is better than a scream so I will take it.

PLOP. PLOP. Goes the aspirins in the mouth, followed by some water and ah..... Feeling better already. Time to get back to adventuring and can't be that while I am I spy mode, so I remove my imaginary sunglasses which weren't cracked while interrogating the table and put on the imaginary felt fedora. It feels good to be adventuring again.


***

"Let's go," I tell my tail as I start to head down the corridor. Everything looks good in a ruins sort of way. The dust is shining and the rats are squeaking. The skeleton under the rubble over there looks like it is comfortable. After I while I find myself skipping a little bit as I walk, even humming too. Adventurer smiles from the soul. Happy happy.

Then CLICK and I freeze. Looking down I can see that I my foot has found a switch, bad foot you should have watched where you were going.  Like a statue I just stand there. Sweat, no let me change that since girls don't sweat we glisten, glisten drips off of me as I stand there and think. Um...........


((Clicks Are never good. They usually lead to things that do explody things. Find out why not Monkey time.))

[Catherine]

Um....... Where did the pigeons come from? Yes I am standing there like a statue, but still not a statue. If they leave their marks on me there will be a couple less pigeons in the world. "Shoo....shoo..." I say blowing at the pigeons, trying to scare them off, all they do is give me the look. That sideways glance that says we have better things than you to worry about so speak to the tail feather. Grrrrr...........

I turn my attention back to what is important, the click. It definitely was a trap click and not one that says "Hi, welcome to this corridor." I am not a pin cushion yet so not a dart trap, not falling either so that nixes a pit. No growling or hissing so no animals were released and thank god no shotgun fungus. That leaves the crushing, smash smash type trap. Let's see if I can find it, time to play "Where is the crushies?"


***

Looking around the corridor, I am not really seeing anything. No flattened impressions on the ground or squish marks. What else? The ceiling looks like it is solid, so nothing dropping from above. There could be one from below, "okay the ceiling is approaching fast," type thing. But I am not seeing any impressions on the ceiling either.

Hmmm...... Maybe the switch is the trigger, duh. But the trap might not reveal itself until I step off and will be active until it tastes blood. Not good for me but then I feel something or somethings.....

*Boink!* Idea and it takes care of two birds with one stone, literally!

I give the pigeons a sideways glance, "I blew at you and everything now.... " Like a greased monkey I grab the pigeons in my hands, their little eyes bulging out I surprise. "Sorry about this...." I say as I jump backwards and throw the pigeons down the corridor . I watch as they wave at me and it pulls a tear. Sorry, I mouth back right before SMASH! Didn't think about crushing walls. Interesting.

The walls do their job, smashing and flattening the pigeons into pigeon pancakes. Which don't taste good with syrup, no matter how much syrup you use. I pause for a moment, close my eyes and clap my hands together as I say a silent prayer for the pigeons,  a flat feather floats to the floor as I do.

Carefully I step around the switch, don't need to step on that again. What is that saying again? Step on a trap and be flat. I will be careful and click! Ha ha just kidding, that time. Honestly if an interior designer did that, something is wrong with them.  Quickly and carefully I run past the walls of crushing and flattening to more corridor and hopefully something more.


***

I turn a couple corners, which there seems to be a lot of those here and an intersection or four. When I see something odd, well more odd than the crazy amount of spider webs that are all around and I have ran through a lot it feels. Phpft....Phpft..Phpft... After eating my thirtieth web, which does not taste like chicken, I hear stone scratching stone and I stop before taking the adventurer pose of 'what the and I better be ready for anything.' Looking around I can see webs and more webs, then about five feet away I see the source of the scratching sound. Taking a step back, I watch as a large stone about this tall and this wide, is slowly pushing its way out from the wall itself. Well this is the ruins of madness, queue the dramatic lightening and thunder sound effect, so I guess anything can happen really..

Curious, I stand there as the stone pushes itself further and further out, eventually  working its way free of the wall. You can do it little guy, I silently cheer as I stand there and watch.Maybe this is how rubble mates, I would be the first to see it in person. Should I put on some proper mood music and everything? Nah…

The stone makes it about this distance away from the wall and just stops, the poor guy is tired. Okay is it a guy or a girl stone? How can you tell? Don't tell me!  I already have the sound of two stones rubbing together while they are making sweet love, running between my ears and I think that is more than I wanted to imagine.

* Mental urp! *


***

Suddenly two small thick hands appear and grab the top of the stone. Ok? Followed by pink snout and dirty gray fur as something puts itself out from behind the stone.  I can see its whiskers dance as it twitches its nose, its head turning from side to side as if it is looking around. A mole?

I take a cautious step forward and watch as one of its hands disappears for a moment, if it pulls out a gun I am screwed! Really how good of a shot could it be anyways? Hello can't see too good.  Of course, I could be surprised too and I don't want that kind of surprise. What do you have in your hand? BANG! Monkey girl angel time, I will pass on that. Remember allergy to bullets.

The mole's hand slowly reappears holding a big fat worm. It (the mole) leans its head to the side as it sucks the worm in like spaghetti and starts to chew. Urp! It doesn't even swallow as it begins to talk, worm goo dripping from its mouth, "I can smell yah, announce yourself."

Talking mole? Why not, might be a friend of Stephen's. "Uhh......." I begin to say loudly.

"Uh... Huh?" the mole replied as he started to dust himself off, "Interesting name. Did your parents hate you?"

"What? No. No. You know ruins of madness and everything. My name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me monkey." I answer as I shake my head.

"Monkey? Don't tell me your throw your shyat when you get excited."

My jaw drops hearing the mole, "No and ick. It is because of this," I say pointing to my tail, forgetting something important.

The mole turns its head as if to look at me, "Because of???"

I grab my tail, bring it around and start shaking it at the mole, "Tail, my tail!"

"I see no tail," the mole smiled, looking in my general direction as it twiddled its fingers on the stone.

Frustrated I stamp a foot, "It's right," then realization dawns brightly, like a little sun right before I am about to yell, "never mind." Dropping my tail, I give the mole a little smile, "So what is your name?"

The mole does the whole spit thing on the floor before he answers, "My name is Reginald, no last name just Reginald  and my friend is..." Quickly  Reginald disappeared behind the stone and into the opening, humming as he went.


((Who is Reginald’s friend? I know you want to know but you have to wait until next time. Dramatic pause kind of sort of.))

[Catherine]

Curious, I took another step forward to look into the hole. Jumping a little when a large round glass fish bowl appeared and plopped down onto the stone. Other that the plastic castle inside and some rocks it was empty. What the? Reginald looked up and wrapped one of his hands around the bowl. "This is my friend 'Tarter', he has been quiet lately but we had a fight the other day and he is holding his breath."

"Okay?" I say looking down at the bowl and back at Reginald. Doesn't he know?

"Tarter and myself have been together for a while now. Haven't we Tarter?" Reginald pauses, waiting for something. "Still playing silent, I told you it wasn't my fault. I got you water, just an honest mistake."

"Uh......"


***

Reginald turned to face me, tilting his head back to look up, "What is with you and Uh?"

"It's well..." I answer, trying to think of something safe to say, I don't want to hurt Reginald.

"Speak up. I can't read lips."

I laugh to myself, "I know, it's that," lifting my hand I point to the fish bowl, "the fish bowl is empty."

"What?" Reginald said cocking a brow, which is weird since I didn't think he had any, then looked at the fish bowl,"Tartar?"

"Sorry, but there is nothing in there Reginald."

Reginald looked at me and then back to the bowl, "He was in there." I watch sadly as he reached out with a hand and lightly pressed it against the bowl,"I remember, when we stopped for a spot of tea. He was in there."

I wipe a tear from my eyes before putting a hand on one of Reginald's shoulders to console him , "All I see is gravel and a plastic castle Reginald. What did Tartar look like?" Of course as soon as I asked, I realized something and my hand went to my mouth trying to block the words before they could escape, but they just slipped between my fingers, "Sorry..."

For a moment Reginald looked up from the bowl, "Why?"

My hands drop away from my mouth and I start to wring them as I try to think. "The whole, what did Tartar look like thing,"

Reginald chuckled for a moment, which sounded oddly like mud,"There is no need to apologize Nichole. You did not say anything wrong."

"But.... I well....."

"But, I well nothing. You didn't say a single wrong thing. I couldn't see Tartar to well, like I can't see you too well either. Hey that is the life of a mole though, I have come to accept that. Not being able to see yellow, a cloud, Tartar or you. But I know what everything looks like in here," he says tapping the area above his heart with a couple fingers,"that is what matters."

Slowly Reginald turned back to the bowl and thought for a moment, "Tartar was about this big," he said motioning with his fingers,"his back fin had a notch missing from it. His left eye wandered too, I think. Not really sure about that because of well you know," pausing to motion with a hand towards his eyes.

"When did you see him last?"

"When we stopped for a spot of tea," Reginald answered, pulling out a pocket watch from nowhere. I watched as he traced the outside of the watch with a finger before drawing it in towards the center to find the hands. Hmmm....."

I lean a little  closer to see what was so interesting, "What?"

"If my fingers are right, it hasn't been too long since the spot of tea," Reginald answered, dropping his hand as he turned to look at the hole.

"How long?" I ask looking from Reginald to the hole and back again.

Mole slow, Reginald lifted his hand a pointed one finger as he bobbed his hand up and like he was doing math in the air. "It seems it might have been no more than ten minutes ago."

"Ten minutes!" Quickly I rush over to the hole and thrust a hand in, searching around for something fishy. Squirmy yes but wormy. Hard and Stoney. Scaly with legs, no! I really don't want to know what you are. Be careful hand, no surprises that would create a painful "Oh my monkey, get off my finger" moment. Okay I hope this is a root and this is a rock, not some critter's teeth. Squishy and scaly. Hard and hard. Wait a moment let's go back to the previous thing, the squishy and scaly thing.  Feel, feel and feel. Feels like a fish or a small scaly gnome. Let's go for it!

I catch a glimpse of a blue lipped fish, gasping for air as I yank the squishy and scaly thing out.

"Reginald, I found Tartar!" I yell as I wave my hand around triumphantly, Tartar smacking against either side of my hand for a moment. Oops! Quickly I run to the bowl and toss Tartar in, nothing. Still blue lipped. What is Tartar missing? Thinking, thinking and thinking. "Oh jeez," quickly I reach into my bag and pull out a bottle of water, ripping it open with my teeth, Ow and hastily pour  the water into the bowl. For a moment nothing happens then Tartar starts to float to the  top.

***

I shoot Reginald a worried look, hoping he isn't seeing the reverse belly flop thing happening. How am I going to explain it to him, I ask myself.’Hey yeah about Tartar, he is sort of swimming with the fishes now’  or maybe ‘Yeah, Tartar is saying he wants to be flushed.’ Glisten starts to form on my brow as I stand there, hoping and wishing that Tartar would finally flip upright and give us a smile. Come on....Come on....

"Something wrong?" Reginald asks after looking at the bowl.

I look towards the bowl hoping for another answer, other than the apparent one and I hear a "Yeah um..." Coming from my mouth. If I could, I would have my mouth take a timeout, but sometimes it just likes saying things without thinking.

"There is the um again," Reginald says looking at the bowl, "What is the cause of the um, is Tartar looking funny or something?"

Come on Tartar, I silently tell myself as glisten drips off of me. "It's that uh...uh it looks like Tartar is tired. Yeah that is it tired!" The banana gods are going to strike me down for that. "He has been through a lot you know."

Reginald looks up at me and back to the bowl, then slowly begins to nod, "I agree he has gone through a lot." Carefully Reginald raises a hand and with one finger touches Tartar floating in the bowl. "Rest now my friend, you deserve it."

Oh my monkey, this is going to crush Reginald when I tell him. I can feel tears forming as I stand there, their wetness moistening my skin as they roll down my cheek. I should just get it done. Like a bandaid. "Um....Reginald I need to tell you something it is about Tartar."

"What about him?"

I look down for a moment to try and find the right words, bad ones would suck at the moment. "Well he is...."


***

* BLURP!  POP!*

What the? Blurp and pop? Quickly I look up to see Tartar right side up, giving Reginald the thumbs up, well the fins up a'ok sign. "Oh nothing, he looks like he is awake now."

"Oh good, that means it is tea time. Care to join us?"

"Sure," I answer back, adventure can wait.

Reginald smiled, "Great let me get it ready." Then quickly disappeared behind the stone. Where I could hear glasses doing the glass sound and other tea things.

"It will be a moment or four longer," Reginald yelled out, "Why don't you two talk."

"Ok," I reply before walking up to the stone and sitting down, cross legged so my tail can freely move behind me.

"Hi I am Nichole Anne Marie Smith, it is a pleasure to meet you."

*BLURP!*

"Blurp, to you too," I say with a smile, happy that a Tartar is alive.

*Blurp*

"Yeah, it was a close call. Another moment and you would have been fish sticks. Oops  sorry."

*Blurp*

"Yeah bad joke, I know, sorry again. So it sounds like you and Reginald are really good friends."

*Blurp*

"So where did you two meet. I mean fish and moles aren't usually found near each other, The whole water and ground thing."

*Blurp*

"Really?  I would have never imagined at a carnival. On a ride?"

*Blurp*

"Oops yeah sorry. Water and rides don't mix, I wasn't thinking there. A couple good splashes and well no more water. So where? Don't tell me you were the fortune teller, put your hands on my bowl and I will tell you your future."

*Blurp*

"You dated the fortune teller, you sly beta you."

*Blurp*

"What? She actually could tell you that?"

*Blurp*

"That takes the fun out of things doesn't it?"

*Blurp*

"Yeah I guess. So how did you and Reginald meet?"

*Blurp*

"Really? You didn't mind the ping pong balls?"

*Blurp*

"Ah that makes sense, you and the others would kick the balls around when you were bored."

*Blurp*

"You thought you were better than what futbol team?"

*Blurp*

"Really?  You even challenged them too, wow."

*Blurp*

"They chickened out, okay..."

*Blurp*

"I said I believed you."

*Blurp*

"So basically he won you."

*Blurp*

"I didn't mean it that way, I can tell you and he are good friends. Which is good."

*Blurp*

"Yeah, I can see that now,"

*Blurp*

"I guess you wouldn't. It looks like Reginald is almost ready."

*Blurp*

"You like it with two sugars, I will tell him but I am sure he knows."

*Blurp*

"He is? Okay I will remind him then."

*Blurp*

"Oh thanks for the tip. I don't like those cookies either."

*Blurp*

"Never tried rose before, I will have too."

*Blurp*

"They do sound delicious,"

*Blurp*

"Yeah I guess you do have to watch out how many of them you eat "

*Blurp*

"Really? I will need to watch it then," I sat as Reginald appears with several teacups, hot water and various other things.

"Oops it looks like it is ready it was since talking with you."

*Blurp*

"Thank you and you to Tarter. "


*Blurp*


((Blurp))

[Catherine]

Up popped up Reginald from the other side of the stone, a whistling sound slowly getting louder and louder as he set up saucers and cups. "It will be just a while longer for the water to heat up. Have you been to a tea party before Nichole?"

"No I can't say I have," I answered looking at the tea cup and saucer sitting in front of me. They looked like they were made of china, which is kind of surprising really if you think about it, with a fine vine work painted on them.

I heard Reginald clear his throat, drawing my attention away from the cup and saucer, looking up at him I could see he had one of his hands close and to his mouth, trying to be formal maybe.

"Honestly, I think the idea of relaxing for a spot of tea is slowly going the way of the dodo. No one has the time I think, I remember there was that rabbit once," Reginald paused to think for a moment before he continued to speak,"he carried a pocket watch, always complaining about being late." Slowly Reginald raised a finger, "He needed a spot of tea, so stressed."

"Look at the setting Nichole; cups, saucers, napkins and ... where is my manners?"

I watch as Reginald shook his head and quickly disappeared behind the stone again for a moment. In a blink of an eye, he was back with a little tray of food and a teapot full of water with a cloth on it. Putting it down, Reginald nodded and smiled a little. "That is much better now, I can't believe I almost forgot something to nibble on as we drink tea. There are various scones and small sandwiches, with the crust cut off of them since Tartar always wants the crust."

*Blurp*

"See, he is already laying claim to the crust."

*Blurp*

Reginald rolled his eyes a little before replying to Tartar on his last blurp,"yes lightly toasted too."

*Blurp*

"You are welcome. Now where was I? Oh yeah, look at everything. Everything is here for a reason and that reason is to take a moment away from life and relax. Enjoy the moment and not to rush through it. Think about this, if you drink the tea right out of the teapot you will burn your mouth." Pausing for a moment to motion to the tea pot sitting there," If you rush through what you can eat, you will not have anything for later or miss what every bite offers."

I nod a little, seeing what Reginald is trying to explain,"But it is just tea and snacks."

"Oh it is so much more than that Nichole, it is a experience. Look at the cups, you can not rush with those. They are delicate and whisper to you, stick your pinky up when you drink tea." Reginald said as he picked up the cup in front of him, his picky automatically flipping out as he did,"See?"

"Yes..." I answered as I picked up my cup and for some odd reason my picky flipped out. No matter what I did I couldn't bring my pinky back in until I put the cup down. "Okay' why?"

"Why what," Reginald asked back.

"Why the whole pinky thing. I couldn't bend it back in."

Reginald laughed once before replying,"No one knows really, it is just happens when you are having a proper spot of tea. It never happens when coffee or a latte. Just tea. Some say it is the tea itself telling you to do that in someway, but no one knows, I have seen it happen to a blindfolded person too, they only did it with the cup of tea and nothing else."

"That is strange...." I reply looking at the cup and the little tea bag sitting inside.

"It is indeed, but it is something that comes with a proper tea. As you can see we have to use bags instead of tea leaves but they have been approved for proper tea drinking."

"Okay?" I reply giving Reginald a little look of what the.

"Are you ready Nichole,"

"Yes," I answered, still thinking it was just tea and snack.

With a grace that I haven't seen in Reginald before, he picked up the teapot and offered it to me.

"Thank you," I say bowing my head.

"You are very much welcome Nichole," Reginald replied as he poured some hot water in my tea cup followed by his and Tartar's. Carefully he put the teapot down and closed his eyes, don't ask me how I know, thinking for a moment before speaking. "It is good to start a tea party with happy thoughts."

I nod, closing my eyes. Pleasant thoughts fill my mind as I lift the tea cup, the porcelain warming in my hands as i bring it closer to my mouth. I can smell the hint of mint teasing my senses, both relaxing and soothing. Without even thinking a smile starts to form.

"See you can't rush that now can you?"

"No..." I answer Reginald, inhaling again before opening my eyes.

I could see Reginald sitting there with his cup and Tartar with his. I was wondering how a fish would enjoy a cup of tea, maybe it would swim in the tea cup? Dip the tea bag into the bowl? Maybe Tartar just stares at the tea cup and imagines. Or maybe some reverse snorkel action? Well I had the answer right in front of me and it was interesting, never would of have imagined it to be honest. But wow, I mean should try to explain it but wow. Don't know where to start, you see he was ...... and he was....then he had his...and that is how Tartar was drinking tea. I know someone is reading these words and if you can watch a fish drink tea, do it, it will change everything.

We talked, sipped and snacked for hours. Like Reginald said,you can't rush a proper tea party. The eatables were delicious, the cucumber sauce was mouth watering and the little chocolate cakes eeeeeeee. Like little pieces of heaven in the mouth. I know I was just fooling myself, but I swore I heard angels scream and cry as I chewed a piece. In a scale from one to ten, ten being this is the most delicious thing anyone ever tasted. It would be like double that. A tear rolled down my cheek with the first bite. That is how good. Unless the piece of cake tried to spit in my eye right before I ate it, which could have happened but I doubt it. Cakes can't spit, if they could, birthdays would be a lot wetter. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday dear and the sound of spitting fills the air. You can sing that if you like to dear reader it actually works, don't ask how though. Monkey girl word of honor. Tail isn't crossed either.

But yeah, tea party relaxing. It ended up that Tartar is a nuclear physicist, who would have thought. Man of few words, well one word and being wow smart. Quite witty and funny too. He told me one joke that had me rolling, let's see "Two goldfish walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they would like to drink. One says Blurp and the other replies Blurp." Isn't that the funniest? I nearly fell off my crossed legs. Blurp!

Like all good tea parties, this one came to an end before the dormouse fell asleep or woke up.  Whatever opposite of what he was doing before he was doing the opposite that he was doing at that moment. I helped Reginald pack up and we said our goodbyes, until the next tea party. I kissed both of them on the forehead before starting my adventure again and running into some cobwebs. Phpft Phpft Phpft, Do they always have to stick them at face level?

***

For a moment I stop, one to pick the spiderwebs out of my mouth, someone really needs to dust this section of the ruins. Two to wave goodbye to Reginald and Tartar. I lift my hand after brushing the webs out of my face and wiggle the tips of my fingers as I wave goodbye. Something inside of me smiles when they return my wave and of course my tail joins in the waving and saying goodbye, she was raised properly and has manners. Unlike some tails who just go around burning things down just because they can, those tails give others a bad name which I will not repeat. It is just bad and sends a chill down my back. Blah!

Standing there, I watch as Reginald goes to the other side of the hallway and starts to pry the stone loose. In moments I can see him straining as he starts to pull the stone away from its brothers, sweat forming on his brows. "Do you need help?" I ask taking a step towards Reginald and I see him waving a hand at me, "No need, I got this," he replies.

With a look of concern I tell him okay as he continues to work on the stone, pulling it out further and further until there is like this much distance between it and the wall. Well at least it won't be bored sitting there since it will have the other stone to talk too, hopefully they get along.

*Click mental pen to right ninja note to self*

Stones in the middle of this hallway.  Dodge to either right or left if something with tooth and claw is chasing after me.

*Click of mental pen before putting it away so it doesn't leak all over.*

Dirt starts to pile up on either side of the hole as Reginald starts to dig, quickly disappearing into a newly formed and still forming hole leading to a tunnel. Did he forget Tartar, I ask myself and quickly get an answer when Reginald pokes his head back out, dirt covered and carefully grabs Tartar's bowl. As he disappeared into the hole, Tartar gave me one last wave and I of course return it before turning and continuing my adventure.

Phpft! Phpft!  Phpft! Okay,  didn't I already eat these webs once, I growl as I pull the webs from out of my face, rip..... Ow! Ow! Ow! Trust me you don't want to taste them, think where they came out of.

* Silent ninja hint, their butt!*

Gross! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

***

I hear laughter coming from way up there, up by the ceiling, up in the webs as I clear out the last of the webbing from my mouth. "You think this is funny?" I yell up at the laughter and quickly get a reply of yes. "Spinning your butt floss all around so others can walk into it isn't funny."

"Um....yes it is," the mysterious voice answered.

"No it isn't." I yell back.

"Yes it is."

"No it is isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No!"

"Yes...."

"I said it isn't," I growl, squinting to see if I can see who it is I am talking too.

"I said it is, so there." The voice responded, "In fact....."

"In fact?" I ask right before eating web, not a little like walking through a web either. I am talking full stream in the face. GLUG! GLUG! GLUG! "Stop I just had cake," I try to say between blasts of butt thread. Suddenly the laughter stops and thankfully so did the butt thread.

"What type of cake? Any ice cream?" I heard the voice asking from the up by ceiling.

For a moment I didn't answer as I tried to clean some of the webbing off of my face, it was in my nose, then I replied chocolate and no ice cream. "Chocolate and no ice cream, blah! Everyone knows cake demands ice cream,"  the mysterious voice yelled back at me before I started eating web again. GLUG! GLUG! GLUG! In moments it felt like I was being covered in sticky silly string and it was getting all over and I mean all over and it was yuck, It will take the lives of tons of Q-tips to get it out of my ears.

"Stop it!" I try to yell as I started to dodge side to side, bouncing off from one wall to the other, " Stop it!"

For a moment the butt thread stopped and through a small opening, that I had just managed to pry open, I could see a spider come skittering out of the darkness. If I had to guess it was about the size of my head. So too big for a newspaper or shoe, drat! Those are both good for squashing a spider, hammers are not. Especially on glass tables.

"I don't wanna," It says before sticking its tongue out at me.Spider's have tongues? Since when? Oh yeah ruins of madness so why not. "This is too much fun."

"Fun?" I reply as I cock an eyebrow. Someone has a weird definition of fun.

* Looking up up fun in the spider dictionary located in the Boy Scout handbook, boy this thing has everything. It says, Shooting butt thread onto cute and adorable monkey girls, my that is specific isn't it. Also shooting butt thread into their mouths. Yuck!*

"Yes, yes," The spider said as it excitably bobbed and down,"So much fun..." Quickly it turned and raised its butt, "Time to play..."


((Why spiders? I mean there are other places one can hang out at and everything.... find out next time.))

[Catherine]

The spider laughs gleefully as it shoots globs of webbing at me. SPLAT! SLAT! SPLAT! This time I am ready for butt thread and I spin out of the way. "Ha missed me.," I say with a little smile. I expect another barrage of webbing when my hands touch the wall and here they come and there I go SPROING over the webbing, all slow motion like and stick the landing. Let's turn to the judges and we have a 9-8-9 and a three from the  Russian judge. Boo.........

Before anymore butt thread can hit me, I do the whole back flip down the hallway, away from the corridor. In mid flip I do something cool, reaching into my bag I pull out the hyper turbo super staff of whapping and spin it around all fan like.

* HIYAH and pose* 

A big happy smile brightens the hallway, I brush my teeth after every meal like a good monkey girl see? Open mouth and smile a bright blinding smile. Oops I should have warned you. Sorry. Sorry.

In a blink of an eye, or the thousand of eyes of the spider another volley of webbing is shot. "Batters up!" I yell as I drop my hand position down on the staff and swing. CRACK! They are out of here. Literally they are out of here. Going that way. SPLAT! SPLAT! Is there something moving down there? Eep! Wrong time and place for something green, short with big ears and a nose. Slow the camera down and you might have even see the teeth flying right after the impact. Ow! I rub my imaginary jaw in sympathy, "Sorry!"

I look back up at the spider and dive as another volley peppers the floor where I wa standing. The dive turns in a roll and SPROING up I go, "Got you," I say swinging my hands at the little spider, trying to catch it in my hands. It's hairy little spidery body in my hands. Shiver at the thought. Ick. Ick. Ick. Of course gravity decides to increase or something at that very moment and I come up way too short. Like this far away. For a moment I just hang there staring at the spider, it aims and unloads butt thread right into one of my nostrils. Ugh! Ick and any other word of disgust. Quickly my hands go to my nose as i drop to the ground.

"You little...you little," I chant over and over as I turn away from the spider and carefully pull on the butt thread. Carefully.,..carefully....carefully. Don't need to pull anything important out. Hey look a marble. Carefully. How much is in there? You and you don't say a word about nothing being up in my head. There is like a mile of it so far, it is cleaning out the sinuses though and done.

I turn to yell at the spider, "That wasn't..." I start to say but see butt thread shooting towards me and before I can do anything it seals my mouth shut. "nnnmmmppphhh."

Giddy laughter fills the air as my hands come up and I can see the spider happily bobbing up and down as it dances about.

"mmmmppphhh mph mmpppphhh!"


***

What do they say about band aids,  just rip them off and they will hurt less or something?  Butt thread is a lot like band aids so......

1...2...3...RIP!!!!!!

Miles away I am sure they can hear me screaming. They might be able to hear me in outer space, at this very moment alien invaders are probably turning away thinking that what they are hearing is some new sonic weapon that will cause their brains to explode. POP!

Tears are running down my face as I look at the webbing in my hands. Have my lips been ripped off? I liked my lips where they were at. No, no lips stuck to webbing, whew. Eyebrows? Nope and that is a double whew.

"What is wrong?” the spider sings, with a little bit of concern, a whole a lot of ha ha and whole lot of glee.  I don't even think, actually I don't even remember moving my head,  I am just staring up at it. With a stare that would melt unmeltable stuff.

"You shouldn't be shooting others in the face with your butt thread!" I answer back as I try to toss the webbing down to no success.Stupid sticky butt thread!So I start to shake my hand until it feels like it is about to fly right off, zip there goes my hand,  the whole time I am being egged on by the spider's laughter.  Grrrr........ "Get off of my finger!” SHAKE. SHAKE. SHAKS. "Stop with the finger hugging!" SHAKE. SHAKE. SHAKE. "Please just let go already..." SHAKE. SHAKE. SHAKE. For a moment I consider chewing it off, the butt thread and not my finger that is gross. But I can picture it being like some super gum taffy, once I start to chew it, my mouth will be sealed forever type thing. No matter how fun that sound like doing, I prefer a mouth that opens thank you. I don't want to purée everything and suck it through a straw like a fly. Ick and no thank you.

So guess what, I continue to shake my hand and it is getting painful. The webbing has a death grip on my finger and it would be nice if it just let go. I even try begging, "Please just fall off...." and nothing. I tie it to one of the stones that Reginald pushed out and run for it. Yeah no. Imagine a bungee cord jumper, ok now imagine how he or she goes SPROING back up. I prepare and with a firing of an imaginary gun, BANG, I take off running like a monkey after a banana.

Legs pumping as I run, might be setting a new land speed record for all I know. Even the spider is cheering me on or mocking me, one of those but I am not sure really since I am concentrating on breaking the butt thread barrier. Scientists have never been able to measure when a person breaks it, but I am going to try.

I continue to beat feet down the hallway. Confidence begins to fill every fiber in my being and it feels pop pop poprock good. I am doing it! I am breaking the butt thread  barrier, I tell myself moments before my hand gets whipped back, my spine starts to stretch as my feet continue to run and my tail waves at me as I get yanked back the way I came.

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh     Nnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!'"

Can monkey's fly? If you watch that movie with the girl and the painted road then yes. Before you say something I will not wear one of those hats or silly jackets. Really think about it, do you want to have flying monkeys in the world?  Think hard. Yes I would look really cute and adorable with a little set of wings, but I will pass. You see it would be hard to find tops that fit or I would have to have them custom made so yeah no, not worth it and I have a tail. See look at it.

* tail wave *

Isn’t it cute? Of course it is.

Back to the monkey flying thing. Specifically this monkey girl flying thing. You see I wouldn't really call it flying, I would call it being SPROINGED back down the hallway at extreme speeds. Uncontrollably and at this moment in time, not fun. I didn't come prepared for any horizontal bungee cording. No safety equipment. No lessons on how to fall horizontally properly. No how to dodge the two stones coming at you or anything. Totally unprepared and I might just have to place a comment in the ruins' comment box as soon as I find it.

* lick mental pencil and scribble*

Horizontal bungee cording drops are not drops and horizontally extreme of the non vertical type. My tummy was left behind and had to catch up, it does not like the idea anymore.

* put mental pencil away*

A upward draft or maybe even a cockroach sneezed as I passed over it but somehow I missed the two stones by just a smidgen. How close is a smidgen, well I could see the look of fear on my face in the reflection on the stove as I shot by so that close.

Down the corridor I go, having fond memories of where I have been already. I remember that rubble we had fun times together, call me! Then stop and SPROING back down the corridor.Hey didn't I just pass this piece of rubble just a moment ago, call me! The 3D effects on this trip back are pretty good, it really looks like everything is streaking past me, especially the two stones. Hello stones.

Rinse and repeat. Monkey girl shoots down the corridor, spider laughs and monkey girl just barely misses eating two large stones on the way back, which is good since she is on a no stone diet. Have to watch the pounds those put on since they go directly to the tummy. BLARGH.

"Exit please," I say as start the SPROING back. Quickly doing the flip, rotate and a mctwist or something in mid air, bringing my feet up behind or well in front of me now as I shoot back towards the stones. With any luck.....yes I plant my feet on this side of the stone and stretch back. Hoping and praying to the banana gods that what I am picturing in my mind doesn't happen. Please don't shoot towards the ceiling. Please don't shoot towards the ceiling. I don't feel licking it. Please.... I stretch more and so does my tail and glisten starts to drip off my face as I turn a nice shade of red and......

SNAP!

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!

***

Monkey girl falls down and goes boom. Oh and just in case you were worried, my tail spun out of the way and is safe.

As I picked myself off the ground, I could hear the sound of giggling fill the air, making it harder to push myself off the ground, which sounds equally playful and still taunting. "You liked that didn't you?" I ask pulling myself up the rest of the way, only to stumble a little bit when my tummy finally catches up from  all of the SPROINGS .

I didn't need to look up to know that the spider was smiling when it answered back with a happy "Hmhmmmm." My fists balling up a little in reply as I look around trying to figure out what to do. What to do, I ask myself, the spider has height advantage.

Ideas....hmmmmm.....With one hand I reach into my bag and feel around. I have the cup from earlier, no good since I don't want to bring the spider a cup of water. The Boy Scout handbook, a invaluable source of information, which I could throw at the spider, Which wouldn't send him to jail. Then my hand find the matches of fire. Could be interesting, burn the webbing and everything. Could light them and throw fireballs at it. Crispy spider in seconds. Nah....couldn't do that to the little thing and I couldn't live with myself. A giant flyswatter....no wait that is the book again. Standing there, thinking for a moment, what to do?

So stuck in thinking I don't notice my nail tapping on my shoulder. "What? Do you have a plan girl?" I say as I turn my head to look at it. The tail nods and motions to one wall, then to the other and then to the spider. "What? Oh....."

I take a few steps back and I see the spider getting interested, it also helps when it asks me what am I doing.  "Oh you will see," I answer back with a little smile as I pull out my staff. I give the spider a wink right before I take off running towards it. Suddenly I spring to one wall and BOING off of it to the other. I know the spider is watching me since I have the feeling of a thousand eyes or more looking at me. BOING I go off the other wall,  sending me right towards the exact spot where my tail said I would.

Monkey girl to fuzzy tail, come in fuzzy tail. This is fuzzy tail go ahead monkey girl. Fuzzy tail this is monkey girl, your plan worked and the spider is unprepared, do I have a go for thwapping, over. Thumbs up and you have a go for thwapping Monkey girl. Thwapping now fuzzy tail, over and out,

A thousand eyes get big as the staff comes down right between them,THWAP!

The crowd goes wild as the spider goes sailing out to left field. It looks like Johnny might catch it, he is going back and back and back. Oh no he stumbles and it is a home run. The crowd goes wild!

The spider bounces down the hall before coming to a stop. BOING BOING BOING. it looks at me and.....


((Insert witty ending thingie that eludes to soemething Coming. Hmm.... thinking.))

[Catherine]

Tears start to well up in the thousands eyes of the spider. Its mandibles quivering as it sniffs. "Why?????" It cries out,"Why did you hit me for?"

Either I am being punk'd or maybe the spider is a kid. I look around to see if I can find any cameras and even tap some of the stones to test to see if they are fake, sometimes those cardboard stones are pretty realistic looking you know. Tap! No. Tap! No. Tap! No. The whole time that I am rapping knuckles to stone, my tail is scanning the area. Nothing it nods to me. It even confirms on its 'Test to see if I am being punk'd meter" and it is coming at an zero for punk'd particles. Which is strange since there is always a couple of those particles floating around making other particles look like idiots. The ruin's interior designer must have put a hepa filter in to clean the environment, sniff, to put the fresh lemon scent into the air.

I was wondering why the ruins didn't smell like ruins but smelled more like an lemon orchard. Usually they have that dirty, dusty and moldy smell, you know like ruins. But not this one, this one had that fresh scent. A point to whoever thought of that.

Carefully I took a step towards the spider, "I was just defending myself that is all."

"Defending? Why? I was just playing," the spider replied as it sniffed.

"Playing? Didn't you just see me go from there to there over and over. Almost splatting  on the stones over there.", pointing wildly all over. Best way to describe it really. Point and point and more pointing.

Sniff. "Yes but I thought you were having fun since we were playing."

"When I was doing the whole," motions with a hand  back and forth down the hall, "I was either silently screaming or screaming so loud only a dog could hear me.

"Screaming can be done when you are having fun."

Slowly I kneeled down, "Yes but the screaming I was doing was of the not fun variety."

"What? I didn't mean too. I thought you were having fun." The spider sniffed again.

"Can I ask how old you are?"

"Yes," the spider sniffed then nodded, "I am four years old."


***

Slowly I bring a hand up to rub the bridge of my nose as I close my eyes, realization finally setting in.Now this all makes sense. "Now I understand why you thought I was having fun, you are a kid."

"I am not a kid," the spider said stamping its feet, which is impressive to see with a spider,"I am not a kid, I am four years old!"

"Okay, okay you aren't a kid. Where are your parents?" So I know where not to go, I whisper to myself.

"Down that way," the spider answered, pointing down the corridor that I need to go down,"and to the right then left and straight and left." Mentally I was writing down the do not go in directions as my tail sketched out a little map. "No one goes down there every and I was bored so I came up here and I found you and I thought we could play and this and that."

"Don't you think your parents are worried?" I ask as I turn my head to look down the corridor to see if anything with multiple legs and bigger than VW van was making its way towards us.

The spider giggled before answering, "No no, no one bothers us. Not even the white ghosts."


***

My head turned so fast when I heard ghost that a small tornado formed and danced down the hallway before smacking into a wall, "White ghosts?"

"Yes," the spider answered as it nodded,"All white and I can barely see their faces and they always walk around, Ghost! Quiet ones too, not even saying boo!"

"Where did you see the ghosts at?" Preparing to write more mental notes, my tail licking the tip of its pencil.

"Go down and to the left. They stay down there."

"Are you going to be okay if I go see these ghosts?" I asky doing air quotes as I said ghosts.

"Of course I am four years old," the spider replied as it stood tall.

"Good, Let me go check them out and I will come back to play."

The spider started to bounce up and down excitedly, "Yay!!!!! You promise,"

I lean over and offer my pinky to the spider, "I pinky promise." The spider takes one of its leg and wraps it around my pinky, Ick and we shake.

"See you in a bit," I say as I turn to head left and not right to see the 'ghosts'.


((Ghosts!!! Oh jeez why did it have to be ghosts? I guess we go boo next time.))

[Catherine]

'Down the left you shall be. Soon you will you will see thee dragon's teeth. Shiver me timbers to the count of three.'

Okay, this doesn't make any sense at all, I think to myself as I read the inscription on the wall. Are there pirates or wannabe pirates down this hallway? Is there going to be a water ride where they sing? Do I need to buy tickets to get on said ride? Pretty interesting that they would put a ride down here, wait a second. I look around, does the mouse own this? Maybe the ruins is some long forgotten park of his. I don't see any overabundance of gift shops or anything like that and that is where all the mad money is at so probably a big no on the forgotten theme park. That would have been cool though  I could go for a ride about now or a petrified hotdog with some ketchup or catsup, however you would like to spell it. I would so have gotten a pair of mouse ears, which I hear is the in thing for adventurers now. Just imagine running from some spear wielding natives with a set of ears on, with a ribbon of course since I am a girl, that would be stylish and so in. Nothing makes a rival quiver in their boots than a pair of mouse ears. Well pooh bear.

Looking around, I don't see any circular impressions on floor or anything, so no peg legs. That and you don't see pirates in ruins, okay sometimes you do but usually you find them on ships, in the jaws of sharks or drunk somewhere on ale. That and usually you can hear their parrots squawking from a mile away and..... Yeah no parrot squawks. So no pirates either. Well aaarrrrggghhh pooh bear. That would have been fun  to tell around a campfire with s'mores, how I fought pirates in the ruins of madness, which nobody would have believed unless I had photos, I would so had snapped some though.


***

The only other thing left that the inscription is talking about is dragon's teeth and I am so hoping there is not a dragon down here. One, I am a monkey girl and not a dwarf so no real advantage fighting a dragon. Dwarves are made of sturdy things and well this monkey girl is made of cute and adorable things, so dragon's foot comes up and squish. Two, dragons stink and I only smell lemon fresh stuff and unless it is a lemon dragon I shouldn't have to worry. Three, which is an important number, how in the world would a dragon fit down here? No room for wings and a lot of ninety degree turns. I can see the dragon now, 'Wait I am stuck on this turn, can you wait so I can keep chasing you?' Of course it could be a small dragon or a drake, the black sheep of the dragon family and usually mocked at family reunions, neither of which are really scary unless they have been teeth. So no worries.

The last sentence well there is no trees to shiver so yeah safe there.

* snap of fingers *

Wait a second...this could be a warning that there are beavers ahead; they have teeth, they make timbers shiver and I am to the left.

"It all makes sense now," I tell myself, nodding my head. The beavers are working with the white robes, insidious indeed. But how does the lead singer/guitarist work into this?

* snap of fingers *

They needed her to write a jingo for them, that is it. She probably turned them down and they took her against her will and have her down here writing one for them. If it is catchy enough they know people will be mesmerized and toe the line. The Beavers and white robes would rule the world!  That can't happen, post haste I must save the singer before she writes the words.

Fast walking I take off down the corridor, must I remind you it isn't polite to run in ruins since it offends the rubble. So fast walk it is.


***

Down the corridor I go; up a short flight of stairs, up another set, down a set of stairs and surprise surprise down another. Turn down a corridor heading to the left then take another heading to the right. Oh look another corridor to the left and after a short walk one to right. Then 'A' and 'B', you are probably wondering about those aren't you? It is kind of hard but easy to explain, you had to be there.

Anyways after all of that and one of other thing, I start to notice little things here and there. Nothing really strange, I mean there is an odd number of velvet Elvis paintings lining the hallway.  I guess someone needs to store them somewhere and hey why not in the ruins of madness. "Thank you very much," and assume the Elvis pose. That was odd, not sure why I did that really, just came over me.

Walking down the corridor, I look at the paintings as I pass them and I can see that there are slight changes in the paintings. It isn't the same painting, that I originally thought, but each painting was slightly different. Maybe each one represented a slightly older version of Elvis or hmmm...... Elvis, Elvi or however you would say multiple Elviseses and don't say elves either, Elvi from different dimensions. If you think that sort of makes sense, he was the king and ate fried  peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Which if you ask the right people is all you need to do  to have multiple versions of yourself strewn throughout the dimensions. "Thank you very much," and assume the Elvis pose.

Down the hallway of El I go. That isn't an alien with red tights reference either. It just sounded better than down the hallway of Elvi. Without any thought my hips swivel to the side which catches me by surprise when it happens, so much surprise I end up on my face. THUMP! Instantly my tail goes into defensive mode,sweeping back and forth.

"I am ok..." I say as I start to pick myself up, dusting the rubble dust off my pants and off my tongue, thank the banana gods I didn't bite it, that would of smart. As I am patting the last of the dust off, my left leg starts to quiver and my hips start to swivel. What is happening?

Right when I am about to get to 'I am one coconut short of  freaking out!' Everything just stops.  Maybe it is everything finally getting to me, I think to myself. Nah, i am made of stronger stuff than that.

Suddenly the air in front of me stars to glitter and sparkle.

"Okay?"


((Glitter? Nothing good comes from Glitter does it? Find out next time.))

[Catherine]

Quickly I look up to see if there is a hole in the ceiling and if someone is pouring glitter and bedazzles through it. I don't see any hole or glitter or even sparkles above about let's say head level, about this tall. A glitter spigot from somewhere, triggered by me walking down the hall of El. Which means if I stick my hand in it, when I pull it back it should be all sparkly. Curious monkey girl minds want to know so I flip my hand up and push it into the glittering and sparkling. What would be really cool is if when I pull my hand back I have a glitter ball, bedazzled and everything. That would be pretty and unlike snowballs not easily melted.MCome on glitter bedazzled ball, come on....

Three......two and one and pull back hand, no ball of glitter. Shoot! Not even a single bedazzle either, HUMPH! My hand isn't even glittery either. So how?


***

"Uh huh... It would be me," I hear a voice say as it echoes through the room, pulling my attention from my non glittery hand to the glitter hovering in front of me. My jaw hits the floor with an audible thump, when I see what is now floating there.

"Well well that is a reaction I always get with the ladies," the floating head said, it's hair done just right and its eyes protected by a pair of large sunglasses, mirroring my look of surprise back at me. The head smiles and one of those glittery shiny things appears as the light catches on its teeth. "Now pick up your jaw so you don't get drool on my blue suede shoes."

Unblinking, I pick my jaw up and close it properly before speaking,"Excuse me, aren't you?"

"If I was, that would be copyright infringement. So let's say I am a very good impersonator," the head said with a wink. Which I swore was followed by the sound of girls screaming all up and down the hall of El. I think my legs even got weak for a moment and I caught myself before I started to swoon.


***

Still in the 'What the?' part of the encounter I just stood there and let words slip from my mouth, something I should watch, "So yeah.... Hmmm.... What are you doing here?"

"You caught me in between shows and I got something I need to tell ya for sure."

"Okay?" I say quickly glancing around, "What is it?"

"Well ma'am down this corridor over there uh huh," I watched as the head turn into a hand with several rings, pointing down the corridor for a moment before changing back, "Is who you are looking for, taken during a warm up jam session. She had a dream with a V8 engine strapped to it until the white robes nabbed her. Now I hear her every so often singing out, you can not stop a person once they find their song and she found it in spades."

"Yeah Stephen told me about her. Dee I think he said her name was, I told him I would come down and see if I could find her."

"Well you are close little lady. Be warned though the white robes fight dirty."

Without any thought I took my hyper turbo super staff of whapping out and spun it around before smacking the tip down on the ground, "I didn't expect them to fight clean, as long as they keep their robes clean I will be okay.  Oh and I got a stick, whap whap,"

I watched as the head laughed for a moment, "That you do. You go have fun and watch your tail."

"I will," I reply, collapsing the staff as I spin it around and slip it back into my bag. Taking a confident step forward. How hard could they be, they are wearing white robes.

"Remember, you only pass through this life once, you don't come back for an encore,” the head exclaimed as I walked past it,  "Thanks for the advice.”

"You are welcome and if you pass through here again bring some peanut butter and bananas." I heard the head say behind me as I kept on walking.

"Will do."


***


You know what says important, big double doors that look really heavy. You know the type, the ones where you hope the hinges are oiled so you stand a chance of at least budging them. The type that might take an elephant pushing against it and just mockingly laugh at it, "Ha Ha is that the best you can do. Ha Ha", or something like that. Yeah I know that wasn't too mocking, I don't want to push it sense it could offend doors everywhere and then they rebel and that wouldn't be pretty. Doors will start to refuse to open or somehow need to be swung in the other direction to open. The world will come to a screeching halt quickly once a door is insulted, think about it. Couldn't get into a fridge, cars are a no go and just think about being trapped in a port-a-let, pew pew stinky. So no insulting a door today.

Examining the area around the door I can see by the lack of scratches or gouges on the floor that the doors swing the other way. Which is a good thing if you want to be dramatic. Now if you want to be stealthy, doors opening away from a room is better. Open it up just enough and slip in, then close the door just enough and bingo bango bongo you are in the room and all stealth like. Which is good most of the time to get honest, but this time nah. This time I feel like throwing up open the door and yelling  "Surprise!" Why you ask, why not? That and look at the door, it isn't one of those doors you slowly open up and quietly walk by, like some church or library. Oh no, it is one you throw open and BANG! If it had a face it would be agreeing with me right now, I just know it. So I am simply doing what the door wishes that is all. Heh heh.

All ninja like, I walk up to the door and get down on my knees, not to bow to it but to look under the door. You know some recon before I swing open the doors of squish. I am not seeing any feet, oh hey wait a second, change that I see a couple on the mouse scurrying across the floor. Which counts but doesn't really since I am looking for the white robbed kind.

Let's see what else can I spy with my little eye; I think something black, more black and  some more black. Not to helpful but hey it isn't white.

"What do you think tail?" I whisper quietly, at the whisper level of just about cricket volume, looking towards my tail. Who is also peeking under the door. It scoots out and nods at me, giving a thumbs up the way only prehensile tails can.

As I get up I dust myself off, I need to make a proper appearance when I make a door swinging entrance. Entering in a cloud of dust while possibly interesting, just imagine a cloud sweeping into a room while you are making an entrance - so cool, is cough inducing though and may trigger some allergies. Need to think about this stuff. It cuts down on the wow effect when everyone's noses are running and they are sneezing.

With both hand I grip door handle and prepare myself. Three, two and one... The door swings open and queue the dramatic lighting from behind so it paints a cute and adorable imposing silhouette. That would have been nice actually, but no door opening or dramatic lighting. The door did not do the door thing, like I hoped it would.


***

I push on the doors and nothing, nothing as in the doors are still closed. Maybe they are pull doors, I tell myself,so I give them a little pull. Wait a second they are swinging....nope nothing. Maybe they rotate? Nah....while fun to get them to spin, it wouldn't be practical. Then what? Maybe they are just jammed.

Let's test that theory, putting my shoulders into the door I start to push and push. Teeth gritting and feet slipping pushing too. Ergh! Argh! Come on door open, I beg as I push harder and harder. So hard I might have been able to push an elephant, but still not that door I think.

My tail taps me on the shoulders as I sit against the door exhausted. "What is it girl?" I ask as I look up at it then slowly turn to where it is pointing.

*Hand to face moment*

Now it all makes sense, the door was locked. I laugh to myself as I reach up to the lock and flip it to the unlock position, not even thinking there might be a little sign or something that would change on the other side letting others know that door is now unlocked.,Thank the banana gods I didn't need a key or I would have never gotten in, well without a chainsaw or axe of course. If I had one of those, the door would have been no problem.


*CLICK*

I want the dramatics and not knowing how hard the door will be to swing open, I take a step back and throw myself against the door. UMOH! Of course I expected hard and I got easy, the doors swing open and slam against the walls. SLAM! SLAM! I stumble into the room, against my better wishes though and for a quick moment before I fall onto my face I can see a speaker, a bass guitar and oh yeah a long raven haired girl lying face down chained to the ground.

Then monkey girl fall and go boom, "Owie!"


((Clicks, clicks. Clicks are never good. See why next time.))

[Catherine]

Slowly, well quickly slow really. I don't just lay there and I don't pop up either so somewhere in between. I get up, rubbing my nose, it is probably red now poor little thing and I can see the girl laying there. Her raven hair pooled around her head hiding any features, large thick chains, the size of my arm, holding her down. Could this be, I ask myself. Quickly I look around and can see that the chains holding the girl down are also pinning down a bass guitar and an amp which isn't good.

"Excuse me," I say, if I had a stick I would be poking the girl, "Excuse me."

"Yes?" I heard the girl answer back in a powerful, soprano voice as she started to sit up. Pushing her long hair out from in front of her face, like ink it flowed down onto her shoulders and beyond, as she did. Her white skin glowed underneath like a beacon in the night. Slowly she licked her wine colored lips and then I heard her ask "What do you want?"


***

"Ar...." My voice catching in my throat for a moment when the girl opened her electric blue eyes and focused on me.

"Are you a pirate?" she asked, laughing a little as she swung her legs around to sit indian style. One of her knees showing  through her worn out jeans as she adjusted her legs. I could feel the hairs on the back of the my neck standing as the girl's black leather boots scratched across the ground like some great cat. For a moment, my eyes dropped to her shirt and the name of some band printed there, 'Enginenoggin', before looking back into those eyes.


***

"Are you Dee?" I asked, holding my breath for a moment.

"Yes why?" Dee answered, revealing one of her canines as she licked her lips.

"Stephen sent me to find you."

"Stephen?" Dee asked as she thought for a moment, "Ah yes the Gilly. Good roadie, good with the tech." She said nodding her head slowly, her hands going to her head."Got any aspirin?"

"Yeah maybe," I answered before digging though my bag. Yeah...no...no.....no...looking for aspirin not an aardvark toy. "Yes here we go," I proclaim, pulling out the bottle like I just pulled out Excalibur, which reminds me to go back by there later and give it a try again, hey you never know. Might get it right next time and swish, queen of all.

Quickly Dee thrust out a hand, "Give me..."

"Okay, okay let me look at the directions first. Okay it says two aspirins now and..."

"Give me that," Dee said, swiping the bottle out my hand and without even thinking downed its contents.

With a look of concern I took the bottle back, "Aren't you afraid you will overdose or something?"

Dee laughed in reply, "Please, it will take more than a bottle of baby aspirins to get to me. Maybe a bottle of horse tranquilizers if they are lucky, but I am made of tougher things than that."

"Okay, that is good."

"Yes it is," Dee continued as she pulled a toothpick out of nowhere and slipped it in between her teeth, where it started to bob up and down. My head nodding as I followed it for a moment. Getting sick urp!

***


"So what is your name?" Dee asked as the toothpick danced from one side of her mouth to the other. My head tracking the toothpick as it did.

"My name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith," I answered, catching myself before toppling over.

"That is a nice name," Dee said nodding her head.

I smile for a moment, "Yes it is and friends call me 'Monkey'"

Dee laughed for a moment, "Fitting with the name and all."

"Thank you."

"You are welcome, so I guess you are wanting to hear how I got here before we blow this pop stand."

"We can wait if you like." I answer, looking around for any signs of white and or robes.

"Don't worry, it will only take a moment and I can tell as you work on the locks."

"Sounds good." I say with a little smile.

***

"There I was", Dee said as I started to work on a lock,"prepping for the concert before the crowds showed up  in the morning. If you stood off stage, you could  feel them coming, the fans. Their stamping feet sending tiny tremors through the earth as they came closer and closer.

I love getting up on stage by myself before everyone shows. Looking out to the empty grounds and imagining the fans roaring. My heart would start to race as I stood there, plucking  a couple cords and listen to them bouncing off the surrounding walls. I would close my eyes, for a moment, drinking in the sound as bounced around and in my mind I knew  what I would need to adjust.

Anyways like I was saying, I was standing there with a foot on ole Mel,"Dee paused to motion with her head towards the amp sitting there chained up," I could feel the weight of my rickenbacker pulling me down, like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, as I teased the nickel strings with the tips of my fingers. The purr of the guitar filling the area and it was perfect.

Then without warning, I was surrounded by men in white robes. Where they came from I don't know but they were there in a blink of an eye. In another blink they were on me. Yeah I fought, boots to balls on one. I still remember a speaker that was pretty far away, being knocked over by something which I can only guess what. 

Everything was going good until some big guy in a robe stepped up. That is when everything changed, the white robes got organized and they dog piled me. Some got all handsie too, let's say when they pulled their hands back their fingers bent in the other direction. But everything else  I tried to do after that was a no go, somehow the white robes were ready now. 

Yelling? Yeah all I got out was, "What the f...." Before something was covering my mouth. If it was a hand, I would have bitten it and there would have been someone else screaming but it wasn't. Yeah I was putting up a pretty good fight, what one of me and a lot of them, But there is a thing called numbers and that eventually won out and I was being hauled away!

You know what the freaky thing was? They scaled the side of the cliff face like it was nothing. I don't know how they did it but they did. I didn't see any ropes or equipment but up they went.

At the top, I bite and bite hard. Whatever was in my mouth was bite in two. The moment I sucked in to yell something got shoved into my face and the world when dark.

When I finally woke up, I found myself here. Chained up with my rickenbacker and amp. The white robes don't speak, maybe a vow of silence I don't know, but I have yet to hear why they grabbed me but it can't be for anything good, since they jumped me.

I need to get back, How are you doing on those locks?"

***


"What? Oh yeah locks, sorry I was listening to the story." I say slightly embarrassed. Quickly I turn my attention to the first of a series of locks. "Ok, these are odd...not sure what to do..."

"What? I thought you knew."

"Well I am learning as I am going actually," I admitted,"let me check the manual."

"Manual?"

"Yeah," I answer as I pull out the Boy Scout manual,"It is amazing what they have in this thing." Quickly flipping through It to a random page,"Look here, how to fashion a jet pack out of three paper clips and a wad of gum. You can't tell me you would be able to find that anywhere else. Everything I have needed to know and more, I have found in this manual. So let me check...."

* lick finger and start flipping *

"How to disarm an octopus, no."

"Your friend the water bison, ah no."

"Run for your life! It's a lemming stampede, ok no."

* flip flip flip *

"Okay here you go. Lock identification and how to open them without a key. Since it isn't good to say lock picking." Quickly I start to scan the page, let me tell you there are some interesting ones out there. One actually uses hamsters as tumblers. Quickly I start to compare the locks at hand to the diagrams. Maybe this one. No, this one is not as square. Interesting but no. Iffy on this one. No. This one is close but missing this part. No. No. No and flip page. A lot of no on those pages. Flip page.


((Licking pages can lead to paper cuts on the tongue. Which is painful!!! Find out what is found next time...))

[Catherine]

"Okay I think I found it and it shouldn't be too hard," I say looking back and forth from the lock to the diagram,"The worse thing that can happen is an explosion on the molecular level."

"That doesn't sound to.....hey wait a second. Explain the explosion on the molecular level thing." Dee said as her eyes got really large.

"Oh yeah it says one slip up and tiny booms, let me verify..." Looking back at the book as I slip on my imaginary glasses to clarify the point,"Hmmm yeah. That is what it says. Explosions will occur at a molecular level thus rubbing the molecule off the face of the planet. So no biggie."

Terror slipped over Dee' s face and it wasn't pretty looking, "No biggie!!! It isn't you that will be blown up if you mess up,"

"No, that is true but....I should be able to get all of these. No problem."


***

Slowly and with a look of 'please no explosions' on her face, Dee offered me her hand and the first lock, "If you mess up I will give you a part of...."

I give her a reassuring smile before starting to work on the lock, "Don't worry, what is the worse that can happen."

"That is what I am afraid off, the oops and boom."

"You probably wouldn't even hear the boom, " I reply as I work on the lock. Glisten starting to form on my forehead, as I sit there. Okay it is a little harder than I thought, the instructions made it sound really easy. Twist and click easy, but this is not that. Best not to show it though or Dee will freak out.,the glistening can easily be explained, um.... Problems with moisture gnomes that live on my forehead, yeah that is it. Moisture gnomes? CLICK! Oh thank monkey, just more to go.

***

I will have to admit, the first was a learning experience which made the rest earlier. Yes there was that one that made a funny noise, which made us both freeze waiting for the tiny booms and the screaming to follow. Nothing like that happened and I was so looking forward to seeing what molecular explosions looked like too, not at the cost of life or limb of course. I just wanted to see it for the experience really and not for the ohs and ahs. Okay maybe a little but still, molecular explosions! You don't see those everyday and what I was picturing in my mind, it could have been a popcorn level event. Just a miss click though and so on to the rest of them. Click and done on a half dozen others; freeing the bass, amp and...

You see I working on the locks as I found them so well,  unfortunately one was hiding though and that one was on Dee. How was I supposed to know that both wrists would be locked to chains? Not like I go around chaining people down everyday, but easily taken care of and hey I was quite experienced now with the locks, so all good.

Of course the white robes had something to say about that. What white robes? The ones that just appeared. "Can you guys and/or girls wait a moment while I get this last lock unlocked?"


((Question asked and find out what the answer is next time. Some monkey topic, same monkey time kind of sort of))

[Catherine]

I guess the answer is ‘no’  when two white robes rush me from either side. The olde grab a person by their hands so they can't do anything tactic. The standard move by those wanting to grab a person. Yes that would work on most people but not one trained in Hou Quan, oh and has a tail. Now who would that be? Hmm.... Oh yeah me!

* big monkey girl smile *

At the last very second, before I hope that hands can grab me, I drop! Feet going out in the splits, which of course catches them by surprise. A "What the?" followed by the sound of thunk could be heard as I roll out of the way and into a handstand. "Hello," I say spinning around to face them, still on my hands, as my tail waves to them.  I watch as they get down, wait no get up. Some things are a little confusing when you are upside down, up is down and down is up or is that up is up unless down is up on everything third Thursday in months that end in a letter. Well they stand up or is that down, so confusing, they get up or is that ergh..... Okay I can fix the confusion swirling about with a simple little flip. The world does the vertical spin as hands fly out and Tadah!

"That was amazing," I hear myself say as I curtsy. That last part was pushing it though, which was confirmed when I felt the icy grip....please let it be a hand and not a tentacle. Please....Please....Please.... I don't want suckers on the skin. Okay I am feeling a finger and a finger and a finger and a finger and an opposable thumb. Yay, it's a hand!

Of course in the ruins of madness it could have been a tentacle and it would have fit. What with the madness and everything. Oh mighty Cthlu.....oops I should stop there, copyright infringements and everything, oh and accidentally summoning an ancient God isn't on my to do list today. See I can show you, see not on the list.


***

But hey since I am being held I should try something fun. Of course I should. SPROING! Up I jump and I can see the robe tracking me with its opening.Don't worry I am not going to fly away, I tell them in my mind. At the highest part of the jump I remove my boots, what did you think I was walking around without something protecting my toesies? Ick gross unless it is a grassy field, then I have to watch out for cow brownies or slugs. Let me tell you, you don't want to step on a slug bare footed. Ick and ick! It squishes and not in a good way either.

Where was I? Oh yeah shoes coming off and stuff. With agility and a side of adorability I do like a twist and something in mid air and grab the robes arm with my feet. The look on the robe was priceless, like 'What? What are you doing? How? No. Stop.', I should have taken a photo for memories. Pause mid move. Pull out smartphone. Take a not selfie, I so should have thrown up the bunny ears behind him. Put it all away and continue.

In one fluid move I bend backwards and down, ergh.......Come on gravity let me have this one.

In the corner of one of my eyes I can see the other white robe, who got thunked, trying to sneak up. Need to time this, I tell myself.  Ergh.... I bend back more and put  my weight into it, I don't want to hear anything about the weight either. I weigh just the right amount for my height and adorability. So blah!

* tongue out *

I hear a "What the?" coming from white robe number one, the one my feet are holding on to, as I flip him up in the air and THUNK right on the top of the other white robe's head. Of course I let go and do a little spin and dance in the air, slipping on my shoes and double knotting them so shoe goblins can't untie my shoe lace, then land.


***

"That was fun..." I laugh looking around to the other white robes. Yeah there are more of them than me but it feels about right.

"Are you going to get the last lock?" Dee calls out.


"You will have too," I answer back,"the manual should help. I will hold off the white robes."

***

I hear the sound of a hand slicing through the air, the way it sounds it has the unique sound of heading towards my head or neck. Interesting choice of hand slicing really, only those trained in the martial arts decide to do the hand slices or some call them 'chops'.

Quickly I play it in my mind, the whole turning the head and chop. I don't want to give the white robe the satisfaction of the look of ow on my face. He or she will get all smug and everything, head will inflate and the robe won't be able to stay upright and over they go. Head too big for slapping the monkey girl.

* Dismissive wave *

That I can't have happen. No..no...

I can sense the hand coming closer and  I start to estimate the time of impact and come up with, any moment now! Tail to block! Not a fancy parry though, so the hand just goes sort of  bouncing off. It would have been really cool if a ‘use the movement of the hand against itself’ and have it chop the stone at my feet move was done. But nope, my tail did the whole absorb the movement a little and just stopped the hand. Maybe it was afraid of the robes nails, they did look like they needed to be trimmed.


"Oh hi there Mr or Mrs Chop someone when they aren't looking," Quickly I bounce up onto the tip of my tippy toes, like a ballerina. Then start to spin around, again like a ballerina, behind the white robe.

Don't ask me how, the tail is a mystery to me sometimes too. Many of nights I spent talking to it, it sits there telling me stories of its adventurers and I sit there amazed and a little lost. Aren't you attached to my butt? How did you do all of those… Anyways the tail pulls or pushes back on the man's hand, SPROINGING it back at white robe's face I think. As the hand goes back, one of mine goes forward in the standard ninja art of the shoulder chop. Wacha!

* Double twin two hand, but not the same person's hands, chop!?*

Down goes the white robe, crumpling into a pile of unconsciousness. My leg swishing over the robes head umm..... let's go with head. I spin one more time like a cute ballerina. If I had a tutu that would have added some flair, but look at my outfit, does a tutu go with it? Nah...Okay maybe, but tutus and ruins don't mix. Bad things happen when they get together. What you want an example? Umm....the Minotaur.

You see, it has long been forgotten, that someone wore a tutu into the ruins they call a 'maze'. Really not too much to a maze, I hear. A bunch of turns and that is all. But I hear someone wore one in and the gods didn't like it so blam! Minotaur create to keep the tutus out of ruins. Honest monkey with that one, I think I made it up somewhere. Seriously have you seen a Minotaur wearing a tutu, nope. So that means..... Minotaurs don't like tutus, so they  enforce the no no tutu rule in ruins. Makes sense, that and they probably can't find one in their size either.

But down the robe goes, crumpling to the floor. I spin once and freeze, staring at the other white robes, well. In the place I am staring at, there are others of course.  I wiggle my toes at them, a foot hi, "Next."


((Next? What is next? A banana milkshake? Have a told you that those are really good? Like banana gold. Find out what is next Well next time.))

[Catherine]

Nothing, they don't come running or nothing. I know I just took out three of their friends in moments. But come on.... There is only one of me and.... Quickly I look back over one of my shoulders towards Dee, who is still working on the lock, then back at the white robes. It makes sense that she doesn't have the lock open yet, what with explosions at the molecular level and everything, just being careful and that is good. I can handle the white robes and so far it has been fun.

***

I pop up and laugh. My tail enjoying the ride as I spin around. Fun fun come one, come all. Ok maybe not all, some would be good. Spin. Spin. Spin. Like a little ballerina.

Suddenly toe meets an unmovable object and the spinning turns into wild flailing. "What the......" Followed by the sound of monkey girl falling to the ground. "Ow!"   

Quickly I turn around to see what the toes hit and only see Dee's bass laying there. Come on… It can't be that heavy. It must have been an invisible miniature hippo or something,  I tell myself as I quickly get up and reach for the bass, making sure the white robes were still at a safe distance away, "Dee I am going to get your urgh...."


***

I expected a little bit of weight, but the bass measured somewhere close to 'You are never going to pick this up'. Okay that was with one hand, I will give that to the guitar  maybe it braced itself just right and made itself really hard to pick up. Two hands then! I grab the neck of the guitar with both and pul....Ergh!!!! Veins start to pop out of my forehead as glisten forms and runs down forehead. Ergh!!!!

Lights start to flash in my head.

* Warning warning reaching maximum Ergh limit. If the proper procedure isn't followed an embarrassing sound will be released from the bottom area. *

Wait? What? I don't want that... Carefully I let go and take a step back, I don't need any embarrassing sounds.


***

"Give me a moment..." I tell the white robes without looking at them. With one foot I try to nudge the bass, nothing, it is like trying to nudge a house. All push and no give.Maybe if I kick it? Nah, I don't think Dee would like that and knowing my luck I would come back with a broken foot.

I could try distracting it? Attack it with my teeth. You know the attack of nom. The massage of the proper amount of brushed and flossed teeth. The guitar will relax and pop! But....looking around who knows what type of germs are on it now, look at the floor and the twenty second rule is long gone.  Probably the four hundred thirty two thousand one is too, so germ city. They probably have set up cities, lite rail systems and amusements parks already. So teeth to base neck is now blah.

A crane? Not the right season for those, wait wrong type of crane. Couldn't get one in through the doorway. A wench? I would need to bolt that to something and I doubt the white robes would appreciate me punching holes into the floor. A dinosaur? Interesting but where would I find one other on a island somewhere. I could get all sympathetic, but what would the white robes think of me?

Leaves me one choice really, "Dee what is up with your bass?"


***

"What?" Dee paused for a moment as she worked on the lock.

Quickly my tail whips around and points down towards the bass sitting on the floor, "Your reckenbacker.... Why can't I pick it up?"

"Oh that, there is a couple of reasons actually.

The first is that it is really heavy. The group got its name from it actually, 'Spinebreaker'. I had a hard time picking it up the first time, holding it up for any amount of time was out of the question. There was no way, my muscles started to scream after the first minute or two. It wasn't a quiet scream either. I have let others try and basically after the first moment they had to put it down. You know It is interesting to see a weightlifter having to put Spinebreaker down, complaining it is to heavy.

Even if you manage to keep it up, you would have a hard time even strumming the strings. They are wound up so tight that I have seen them not even bend sometimes when something heavy was press against it. Talking about sharp, I went through picks like they were nothing at the beginning. Plastic ones were garbage. Metal ones were worn out at the end of each song. I finally had some custom ones made but I can't tell you what they are made of either. Those will last for a concert, but it depends on the songs I play really. Some smiths are trying to forge me a new set now. Oh and picking the strings, that is hard too. The first time I tried it, I ended up in the hospital. Paper cuts are nothing compared to what those strings can do to a person. Probably can slice the shadow off of you if they wanted too.

Where or who made it is still unknown, trust me I looked. Between shows I follow leads that pop up and all lead to dead ends. Almost like the universe is trying to hide its creation from everyone. Sometimes I kid around and say the bass was built by the gods themselves and the world just goes quiet.

That's just the physical too. Look under the bridge, there is an inscription there and  if you look under the frets you can see ones there too. Not sure what they say, no one does. All I or anyone else can figure out is that it looks Scandinavian but older. Touching it, you can feel the power coursing through the bass, even when it isn't plugged in. You are lucky, it could have sent you flying across the room in a show of power.

In fact, a stage hand touched it once and it sent him flying across the stage. Maybe the base didn't like him or something.  He was never the same after that, he kept saying he saw musicians that had passed away, eventually we had to let him go when I caught him talking to the bass.  One guy managed to pick it up for a moment, a musician and a bass guitar player that could teach me lessons, one moment up and the next the guitar was crushing his hand against the stage. No one could move it off of his hand except me. Why I don't know but maybe it is something with the inscriptions.

So yeah several reasons why you couldn't pick it up. Physical and magical. I know only that a couple can, they are gods in their own rights too. "

"So how did?" I ask motioning back to the white robes.

"Check the big guy out, wearing gloves on both hands. That probably protected him and he has muscles to spare so he has the strength. Probably hoisted the amp too. You could always go ask him."


***

"I could couldn't I?" I say standing back up,"He doesn't look to talkative but maybe a smile will get him to open up. Be right back."

Behind me, Dee brought a hand up and dropped her face into it, "I was just kidding."

"It is a good idea, why wonder when I can go straight to the source and Mr. Big probably has the information," I say with a nod of my hand. The two white robes standing to either side of the big guy start walking towards me in a non friendly manner.  Closer and closer we get to each other and I give them a friendly smile and thrust my hands out in front of me,"Take me to you leader."


((What? I think that is a dramatic ending for now... mwhaha. Until the next post that is.))

[Catherine]

I guess at that moment the two robes gave each other a questionable look, kind of hard to tell with robes. So emotionless sometimes and hard to read. What with no faces or anything, just a deep cowl.

One shrugs and does some arm movements that I guess is communicating. A form of sign language maybe, bend arm this way and a little that way and it means hamburger with ketchup. Bend it this way and shake it means hold the pickles. Then if you take both arms and do something like this, oh by the banana gods! Why didn't someone tell me before I did it. I probably insulted someone somewhere somehow. I can't believe I...I will need to clean my arms out with soap. Dirty gesture, a simple little arm movement and blam! You motioned me to do what? Grrr.....grrr....spit and hiss.

***

Something was communicated though, because one decided to reach out and try to touch me. Personal space white robes, did your parents or whatever robes have not teach you any better.

* imaginary shake of head *

Of course that is when I needed to show them something in my hand. A bug? Nope! A pebble? No, but I could get plenty here. What could it be? A white robe hand, I think a hand, starts to come down and at the last moment monkey girl smiles and flips hands over.

That is when the white robe stops and thinks, what does she have in her hand? I just know he does or maybe ow I just bite my tongue. Maybe the later hopefully the former. Maybe it could be a coin that I didn't pull from behind his robe ear. I know he has to be asking himself what does she have in her hand now, it is eating at him like a piranha. Nom nom nom.

I try, honestly I do, to fight off the giggles. I know what is in my hand.... "Wanna guess?"

The robe just stands there doing nothing before his friend nudges him. It looks like he is about to say something.Will this be the first time someone hears a white robe talk? Queue the recorders! Yes go ahead… Then nothing, no spooky white robe voice saying "There is a coin in your hand. Boo,...."

Boring!

Suddenly I open my hands revealing a little rod. Harmless looking, a baby rod some might say. The white robe looks back to the other and I think I hear them chuckling. If they only knew. With monkey girl like reflexes I grasp the rod and like hyper turbo super fast it extends out to something more in the staff direction and look there is a signature there too.

The look on the white robes is....well I think surprise. Maybe I should look it up in the Boy Scout manual. Lick finger and flip. Flip. Flip and one more flip. Okay several more top. Oh look the many expressions of White Robes. Happy, sad, shocked, pleased, full of robe self, dreaming, unconscious, which is my favorite shhhhhh, and countless others. Well not countless but look at the moment I am in. I mean I am imagining this sequence this time. I wouldn't just get the manual out in any moment like this, duh.

The staff starts spinning slowly at first like an airplane propeller, minus the propeller of course. Also I could probably crank it up to five, then take off the parking brake and shoot towards the robes and the big guy. That would surprise them, a major ‘what the’ moment. But that kind of stuff is hard on the wrist, the fingers and any part associated with the hands too. Good for a one off party trick, look how fast I spin this toothpick. Flip! Watch out!!!! But not good for well not the middle, let's say the sort of after the beginning and not really in the middle yet part. So no level five spinning.

***

I watch as the white robes take a step back and I of course take a step forward. They take another step and of course I follow. Another step and wait a moment, monkey sense tingling. Within the wink of the an eye the staff flies out and POP! Then continues to spin like nothing happened. The white robe in the front head jerks to the side and wobbles back. While the one in the back looks confused, what just happened to its friend? Or maybe it is lonely and feels left out, easily, the staff stops and POP, fixed. The robe in the back looks dazed now. I bet it is asking itself what just happened and not getting any answers other than stars and birds circling it's head. Don't feed the daze birdies  or they leave a mess.

"Are you two ready?"


((Ended with a question. How devious... now you have to wait to see what the answer is.))

[Catherine]

The two white robes look questionable as they stand there, maybe I whapped them too hard? Oh no, maybe their marbles are still bouncing around in their heads. That isn't good, once you get marbles going they just roll and roll. Getting under feet and tripping up thoughts. I just wanted to......well bring their 'A' game, hopefully I didn't knock them down below 'Z'. That would be bad. Should I apologize? I am sorry I whapped you too hard, I thought a little tap wouldn't be bad. Maybe I should...


***

Suddenly the big guy did some type of arm thrust, which I could feel from way back here and the white robes straightened up. What the? He is behind them so how did they know? In a blink his pointer finger is out and pointing at......

I turn around a little.Who is he pointing at and does he know that it isn't nice to point? Is he pointing at Dee? I mentally draw a line, dashed of course, from his fingertip. Close to Dee but not dead on. So who or what then? Oh wait the slushie machine, that makes sense, wait what? Since when is there slushie machines in ruins? Where would you find a electrical socket for it?


***

Yes the interior designer could have gotten creative and got things worked out but come on this doesn't even fit now. Unless the flavors' names were like 'Rubble Raspberry' or "Peach pit trap' or something close. "Which flavor?" I ask turning back towards the big guy, oh and the other two white robes. It pays to be nice, yes they are the bad guys but I don't want them to be thirsty.

The big guy shakes his cowl and points again. "What I can't read fingers or the arms their attached too. Can't you just speak?" Silence is my answer and so is the movement from the white robes.

Now I get it, the big guy is the brains and brawn. The little guys are disorganized until the big guy steps up. This changes everything and takes the boring and puts it on its head.

Let's see what happens now.


***

Wow they are even moving differently now,, impressive show of control by the big guy.

* imaginary nod of approval*

With just an arm thrust and pointing of a finger he told them to straighten up. Just think if he used two fingers, okay that sounded like sarcasm. Bad monkey girl, time to get back to the moment.

Quickly I do the catch up, two white robes now moving differently. Like ninjas almost, hands up in some ninja like pose. If ninja throwing stars coming flying out of their sleeves color me impressed, that would be red too. Time out let me look at the crayons, oh yes here it is. See impressed, I knew there was a crayon called impressed. Oops forgot about the big guy in front of me, silly me.

***

Cautiously, I glance from side to side, a white robe on either side of me. Wait where did they get the swords from? Pause the moment. Let me review the replay. I see no hints of sword sheaths at any moment. No weird folds in the robes or anything, one moment nothing and the next, long sharp metal things in hand. The referees are considering throwing the penalty flag, they just need to dec........oh it looks like they came to decision.

*TWEET! No penalty being called. We think it will make for a cool fight scene. TWEET!*

Can't argue with that, it might be a cool fight scene. Let's go with it. What is the worse it can happen? Then dial it back a couple steps from that. No sharp things poking the monkey's butt please. You and you stop giggling to yourselves. I meant swords, spears and stuff that would make me go Ow!!!

"You robes ready?"


***

They come at me like fleas to a dog, hopping and bopping, swords a blaze if you could set a sword a blaze. The manual says to coat it in napalm and hope none of it gets on yo,  by the way. Wait ablaze sounds wrong for a sword let's say ashwinging, the swords come ashwinging and ching ching.

I can feel the blows of the swords in my arms and wow in I would give it a four in a scale between one and five. One being 'Did something just hit me?' to five being 'Hey I needed that arm!' So I was at 'Ow Ow Ow'. Think wooden roller coaster with tight seats and how you are shook to death sometimes, that is how my arms felt. Like a boing minus the sproing so it felt like a choing.

I take a couple steps back, shaking my arms, as I try to get the feeling back into them. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" When I hear the familiar, well not too familiar sound of a sword slicing through the air. Unless one robe decides to turn against the other, I knew where the sword was heading, towards me! Eep!

Quickly I toss the staff up in the air as I drop to all fours, my tail tucking itself close to the ground. The sword swishes over my head and I can see the robe adjusting his stance just right, legs further apart to get that just right I will cleave you in two swing, to swing downwards towards the monkey girl.


((Dramatic moment to stop for now. Nail bitting mwhahahaha))

[Catherine]

Perfect, I think to myself as I dive forwards between the robe’s legs. The sound of the sword hitting stone following me. Robe must be regretting that move now, I didn't like two swords on staff, he won't like sword on stone.

My movement is fluid, dive to roll then a spin then stand facing the back of the robe. Oops forgot to add one little part. The top of the underwear in my hands, that is important really. You see as I spun and started to stand. I grabbed the bottom of the robe's robe, hoping there wasn't something to ick underneath. Slime monster to very hairy man, both turn the tummy on the ick meter. I threw the bottom up and took a chance, please please please. Yes! I silently cheer to myself when I see the the signs of underwear, my hands fly to the elastic band and without any thought yank it straight up.

* Ninja art of the atomic wedgie *

I yank so hard it not only stretches the band as far as it can but it also lifts the robe off the ground a little. My teeth grit as I stand there for a moment, stretching my arms up and up, way up. Like up there, no not there, up there.

* mentally points towards the ceiling *

I hear a whimper as I watch the band stretch. Through closed eyes of course, I am not going to look at someone's undies.  Really not sure if it is coming from the band or robe, I should ask some questions afterwards to find out. I can just imagine the scene the robe crumpled on the floor, it's undies stretched across the width of the room. "Would you mind answering a couple questions as you lay there. It would help wedgie research and whatever information you can supply would improve wedgies in the future. Thank you, first question..."

After what seems like hours, but I am sure is only a second, I let the robe's undies go and watch as the robe crumples to the floor. The ninja wedgie attack always works, unless of course the other person/creature/robe/ick/whatever doesn't have undies then it just fails.

With a little move, I flip a hand out at just the right moment to catch my staff. For a brief moment, I close my eyes and bow my head before turning to the other robe.

"Hello."


***

Really is that the best I can do? Hi? Really? Ugh, maybe if I ask nicely the robe, he will let me take it back or switch to something more appropriate for the scene, I can add the puppy dog eyes and may be he will....No, no if I ask, I will owe him then and everyone knows once you owe a white robe a favor it is hard to pay it back. Next time I should take a moment and think before speaking, then I can do something dramatic like a laugh.

Mwhahahha, Did you see how easily your fellow robe fell? You are next, run or an atomic ninja wedgie is in your future. Nah, that is too villain like.  Can't do that. Mark that off the list of one idea.

* Mental note to self, figure out something cool and wow. *

The robe flips the sword upside down and then stabs it into the ground. He does know that that isn't good for the sharp pointy end of the sword. Easy math really, Stone plus pointy tip equals not so pointy tip and well a stuck sword sometimes. Not a good thing to do in the middle of a confrontation really, who taught this robe? Swords go in sheaths not stones, easily confused I know, what with both sounding sort of similar and starting with 'S'. It, the robe, takes a pose, one hand out, ready to strike and one leg in front of another. The common pose of one who knows karate.

Without taking my eyes off the robe, I let go of the staff and let it fall  backwards for my tail to catch, "Take this." My tail nodes in response and easily grabs the staff as it falls into its grip, I don't even watch as it spins the staff around itself before slipping it back into my bag, of course making it small as it does, of course.


***

I could mimic the robe's pose, stance or whatever you want to call it. But why? Need to do something though. Hmm.... Something that says I am here and ready. *snap* Got it! I quickly do the wave with my arm, pop and lock style, then to make sure he knows, I do the reverse. That should let the robe know.


((It is time for some Kung fu fighting. Well sort of))

[Catherine]

Yep! Robe is ready. You know how I can tell, he is attacking. He is fast for a robe as blow after blow comes in, I think I will have a couple bruises in the morning. Lucky hits. Ow! Another lucky one. Okay this guy is good with his hands.

He goes for a blow to the face, which is a no no, I mean come on look at it. Why would the thought even cross a person's mind to even think about hitting my face?  The nerves... Everyone knows you don't hit a girl in the face, unless she deserves it and I of course don't deserve it. The fist closes the distance *imminent collision detected* and bend over backwards, literally, to dodge it.

***

Quickly, I try to correct the moment by flipping up on my hands, about half way into the flip I feel something on one of my ankles. Something that I don't like feeling. Something that stops the flip,

How in the…

The robe thinks it has me, it does sort of, but let's try something. One… Two… Three... Quickly I try something different, I flip to the side but use the robes arm to pivot around. I know risky but worth a try. As I start to rotate I hear a pop coming from the robe's wrist, at least I think it is the wrist, followed by its grip on my ankle going away, It worked!

It use the momentum to my advantage and end up back on my feet, a good position to end up back on. I thought I could take a moment and collect my thoughts but nope, the rober is a kicker too!


***

"Ow stop kicking my butt!" I keep repeating as kick after kick connects in the general area of my butt. My tail tries to defend but to no success. "I said..." I say as I jump up," stop kicking my butt," and ending up standing on the robe's legs. One after another I hop from one leg to the other as the rob kicks. If he does a spinning kick, I am in trouble!

"This is fun and all," I say as I keep jumping, tempted to see if I can rotate around one of the robe's legs just to do something different but deciding against it. As another kick comes flying in, I land and jump towards the robe, flipping as I pass overtop of it. Feet come flying out and connect with the back of the robe which causes him to fly across the room and into the slushie machine, "but I am here to talk to the big guy," I say as my tail motions towards the big guy in the room.


***

I stand there waiting to see what the white robe will do, maybe offer me a slushie? That would be nice of him, it or whatever the robe is. Adventuring sort of makes you thirsty, really they should consider putting drinking fountains in ruins for the benefit of the adventurers. I think they would become more popular really and not have all the negative connotations that ruins have. You know the usual ones for ruins; not nice to go to, full of rubble and riffraff and not too friendly. If they had drinking fountains and maybe snack stations it would turn the image of ruins around. Yes the  inhabitants would have to watch how much they sample the snacks though, a fat blob monster does not scream scary to anyone since it would be overweight and probably out of shape. Well in shape, if blobby is shape.


***

Yeah no slushie though, must be self serve. Quickly I turn to the big guy and give him a smile, "Give me a second k?" I run over to the machine and turn back around,"Do you  want one? No? Okay." Then hum to myself as I look at the various flavors and think of the consequences of each. Okay they got blueberry, which while tasting good would make my tongue and lips blue. Cherry which will make my tongue glow a bright red, still good though. Cola flavored which is brown, while refreshing it makes me wonder f it would make my tongue turn brown. Ick! No can't take the risk with that one. Oh a bright green next to that one which could be either watermelon or sour apple, let's see hmm..... yes sour apple. A lip puckerer if it is strong enough. Do I want to risk a green tongue to find out though? Need to think about that. Next is grape, purple tongue and what would happen if the grapes fermented before being slushiefied. *hic* My name is *hic* Nichole Anne *hic* Smith, it is a *hic* pleasure to.....*and pass out* can't risk that. "Give me one more moment please," I say to the big guy,"got one more flavor to..." Oh my monkey am I seeing things, banana split. These ruins rock!



((Time our for a banana split. The best type of time out.))

[Catherine]

Quickly I grab the biggest cup that I can find, gigantic muy mas super max biggie tall size, not going to pass up sucking down banana gold. As I push down the lever I ask over my shoulder, "Are you sure you don't want any? All I am hearing is silence and you might regret it later. Your choice really..."


***

Happily I hum as the cup fills, bobbing up and down. This is going to be great, I can't wait.... Quickly I find a straw and puff into it, the little straw sleeve flying off to somewhere. Over there I think, I can see it unless it is someone else's. Then I spin the straw around a finger before slipping it into the slushie.

I start to suck on the straw as I spin around, the flavor making my taste buds cry with happiness. This tastes like heaven in a cup, two opposable thumbs up. I take a couple steps towards the big guy, so happy that I almost smile but that would be messy, when I am suddenly psychically attacked. Cold pain starts to freeze my brain as I double over. Argh!!!!!


***

Carefully I put the cup down before bringing my hands up to my head. Ow ow ow ow. I try to think warm thoughts to fight against the psychic attack. Puppies, Kittens, meadows and other warm things.  Nothing is working, the big guy's mental powers are too much, this is how he controlled the white robes, mental freezing. Diabolical!

***

One moment I was being mentally ice cubed and the next nothing. Slowly I reach for my slushie again and take a long sip. Really good I will......argh another mental attack. It feels like my brain is being frozen! No..... Quickly I bring my hands up to my head and start to rub either side. "Warm up....Warm up.,...Warm up......"

Just like that the ice forming on my brain is gone. "I am not falling for your tricks slushie," I say accusing at the slushie as I pick it up, "I will take smaller sips of you that is all"


***

With slushie in hand I stand, take a smaller no brain freeze sip, "Okay now back to you," I say pointing the cup at the big guy. The big guy responds by flicking a finger at me, instantly the cup just explodes in my hands.


***

With one hand I wipe the slushie from in front of my eyes as my tail shakes the slushie out of it. "That wasn't nice...." I growl as I crush what is left of the cup, "Not nice at all...."

"Why did you do that for?" I yell at the big guy, licking the slushie off my hand while not taking my eyes off him. Giving him a nasty not so happy look, a grrr look. "I asked if you wanted one and you didn't say anything. Then you make mine explode in my hand. That isn't nice. Say something!"

I stood there expecting something, even I am sorry but nope. Just arm and hand movement. "What are you trying to say, I am not trained in the art of arm and hand language. What?" Standing there finishing off the slushie mess, I watch as the big guy's arm just fly around, doing all kind of weird arm positions in ways arms shouldn't bend. What? How? Ok?

"Okay, Okay...I understand you now, you are a doodoo head."


((Doodoo head. Will leave it right there.))

[Catherine]

That froze the big guy instantly, I should have been scared really. He was big, no I exaggerate, he was gigantic. With a fist he could squash me like a grape. SQUISH! He wouldn't even feel me squishing either. He towered over me and was huge like this huge. Ugh, I can't reach that far, but he was huge. Oh and no neck. The robe's cowl basically started at the shoulders and well ended there too. Nothing for a head at all.

Oh my monkey, a headless robe person! Now think about how could his head have been taken off, hmm........ A really bad soap accident? That would be bad. A severe being smacked in the butt by a wound up towel? Hit so hard his head popped off. SNAP! POP! No...no...no.... Then there could have been this and then that other thing too. Maybe he has a really really small neck or his head is more towards the front like a rhino, does he have a horn. Could he be a... No I don't see a horn, so there goes the idea of a rhino walking on two legs. I so need to find out now, what is hidden under the robe? Who is the big guy, well if he won't talk that will make harder to find out WHO he is, but I would  know that he looks like. That is at least something I can work with. Also I could snap a photo of the big guy and post it on the Internet and go, who is this? Someone would know.

***


"I will know," I say as I lick the last slushie off my hand, "I will know who the doodoo head is."


***

Standing there, I got the impression of a old time shoot out in the Wild West. I laugh to myself, "Where are you tumbleweed?" I ask jokingly. There is no way that a tumbleweed could get down here, the logistics alone is staggering. Shipping it in just for what? The tumbleweed experience? Come join the fun at the tumbleweed experience, feel the emotions as one goes rolling by. I don't think.....

I am stuck in mid thought or something close to mid thought as a tumbleweed rolls by. Did it just laugh at me? Of course like all tumbleweed do, right when it got out of sight it just disappeared.  Those things must either go invisible or have teleporting capability, once I am done here I will need to look into it.

*Mental note to self - self look into tumbleweeds and what is up with them.*


***

"Let's get this party started," I whisper to myself right as I hop once or twice before running towards the big guy, yeah I know not to smart. But hey, why not? It was getting boring just standing there and I think my tail was falling asleep too. Don't say you weren't tail, I heard the snoring.

Feet hit ground in a rapid succession as the distance between us closes. Wow he looks bigger up close, way bigger. Getting second thoughts here and now third and fourth thoughts. Not good, I don't think I can see the top of him now.

Suddenly a very thick column comes erupting towards me, no wait that is the big guy's fist. Eep! At the last moment, last possible one even, I jump up just enough so the fist goes rushing under me. The pressure from the fist alone is like a train running by, thankfully I am aerodynamically built and don't get sucked back in front of the fist. Without even thinking, I wrap my arms and legs around the arm behind the fist, a good location I would say, and give the big guy a smile, "Hi..."

I would say he gives me the 'what the?' look in return but I can't, what he does give me is the ride of a lifetime. It reminded of that time when I rode the Bulls at Pamplona.  Fun times, fun times. You see anyone can run in front of them, dressed in white with a red scarf or something, but ridding them is so much more fun.  Running behind them is more dangerous I think, what with the bull brownies. Those will ruin a pair of shoes with a splat and ew gross.


***

There I was riding the big guy's arm as he shook and shook and everything else under the sun. It was so much fun. There was that one time where I thought he had me. But I had my feet wrapped around and locked, arms up in the air waving my imaginary ten gallon hat and having fun, "Come on little big guy, woohoo!"

The shaking went on for a while, looking back once, I think I could see that my tail was getting a little green. Then it just stopped, no slowing down like the mechanical Bulls or warning grunts from real ones. Just an immediate stop, think an err...... CRASH type stop.

The forces of gravity kicked in immediately, preventing me from finding a slot to put a coin in to start the ride over. I could feel it pulling me back down around the arm and I waved to the big guy as I disappeared from site, "Bye."

I hung there for a moment before dropping my hands and letting go, right into a handstand. Followed by a spin then a roll backwards and finally into a standing position facing the big guy.

I laughed, "That was fun!"


((The fight continues....))

[Catherine]

You expect things when you are in a middle of a fight and fun size, not short or vertically changed, fun size. Say it with me fun size or practically perfect sized. Either one is good.

* mental nod *

Okay back to the moment, What do you expect when you are practically perfect size?

Fist comes down and squish goes the smaller person or just thump them on top of the head so they see stars. Neither are practically nice really. It's like hey they are smaller so we won't use our sword, replace sword with weapon in hand of course, we will just thump them. Not a big fan.

But the big guy tried something different, a foot stomp. I am small but not that small jeez. I saw the movement in the leg, kind of hard to miss it when you are eye level with it and reacted accordingly. By setting my hands to stun and then quickly punching the.... No no and not in the mood to box at the moment. But I did fall backwards and do the splits really wide so the big guy's foot stomped where I was, perfectly on target too, but I was more not there anymore. He followed the foot stomp by another and another. It was fun tumbling around on the ground dodging his one foot.

An idea formed as I tumbled away, after another STOMP. BOINK! With one hand, spinning in the air with the other, I reached in and found the copper I was looking for. "I am sorry," I whisper to no one in particular as I come to a stop and look up at the big guy. With a big smile, that brightens the room, I position the penny right under me and sit there cross legged with my tail slowly swaying behind me.

I watch the foot go up and I wait. I watch as the foot starts to come down and I wait. Yawn yawn. Look a shiny pebble! I reach for the shiny pebble and roll out of the way. Quickly I reach back and yank my tail out of the way, why it didn't follow me is beyond me, maybe it was slow after a big lunch  and needed to wait thirty minutes before having fun who knows. All I know is that it doesn't like being flattened and needed a friendly yanking out of the way.

STOMP! Goes the big foot, rattling the ruins' floor. Quickly I glance back to where the foot stomped and I saw it glittering there. Yes! I shoot a hand out and scoop up the piece of copper. "Thank you," I say appreciatively,"I always wanted a squished penny and now I have a collector's one from the Ruins of Madness. Thank you so very much."

* smile and nod *   

That is when I hear a strange sound coming from the big guy, that catches my attention . A mix between grinding, chattering and growling. Okay, strange.....

***

Wait a second, big guy wouldn't expect....Quickly I put the squished penny into my bag and HIYAH! THUMP!!! Ow! Ow! Ow! I pull back my hand and my poor crying fingers. What is this... It felt like I just punched a....Ow............

Okay just shake it off, my poor little fingers, maybe I just hit armor. Yeah that is it! Tricky big guy wore armor on a leg. He lured me in by stomping with one leg so I would think the other is unprotected. Tricky....Well now I am onto you....HIYAH! THUMP!!! Oh my monkey ow!!!

No , both legs are armored and my fingers can attest to that. Ow! Ow! Ow!

I pause the Ow when I see the big guy shifting, warning lights go off in my head, quickly I jump backwards. The turbulence of the fist flying by pulls my tail forwards and the cracking of stone causes it to shoot back out of fear. Did he just? The stone just! With his! How the? Luck? No... Well maybe. But how?

How did he pick the one weak stone in the whole room. Could he have set this up? I look down for a moment. No odd colored stones like in cartoons and no big 'X' like in pirate maps. So how? Before I could get my imaginary magnify glass out and go all Sherlock on the stone I feel the pressure building again.

‘There is a storm a brewing. It's raining fists hallelujah, wait no not hallelujah.’

I somersault backwards as the fist comes down and with a massive CRACK, it hits the ground. It is sort of hard to miss the ground but I think he was aiming for something, well someone less rocky. I don't even think, which get me into trouble sometimes and just run towards the fist and wrap my arms and legs around it. The big guy can’t punch me if I am on his arm, think about it, he might punch and miss the monkey girl and hit his own arm. Who would be so stupi....

* thrust imaginary arm out as I shake imaginary hand and close imaginary eyes and rub imaginary face with other imaginary hand.*

Don't tell me...

Fifth floor housewares and around the neck area. Oh this is my floor! Sorry, excuse me oops. I jump off towards the big guy and HIYAH! THUMP!!! Okay that was suppose to be a sort of a soft spot, a pressure point even. But I didn't feel anything soft. Pressure point? Must have way too much pressure, like hundreds of pounds over. Rock hard. Must be full of stress from leading all of the white robes and his muscles are all tense. Poor guy, I feel bad for him.

As I control fall to the floor, I reach into my bag and let my fingers do the walking though the Boy Scout manual. BOINK! There it is, I tell myself when I feel a small piece of paper. I take it between two fingers and throw it at the big guy, "Here I have never been to whoever is on the card but I am sure they can help you with all the stress and tense muscles." Of course I expected him to catch it with a hand, maybe say  ‘thank you’ as he stretched some muscles. But no.....

I watch as the card hits against the big guy's chest and then falls to the floor. An offer for a free massage discarded without even a glance. The masseuses of the world probably took that as an insult too.

Grrrrr........ Well a cute and adorable grr......


***

He just stands there and nothing. Humph! Double humph! Triple humph! Sucking the fun out of this. I reach into my bag and give the big guy a smile. time for a....

* ninja art of distraction *

I toss what I have in my hand towards the big guy. Shhh.... Fireworks hehehe. The little cylinders with wicks go tumbling towards the big guy. Oh he didn't see this coming. POP! SNAP! POP  and several more snaps and pops! The air is quickly filled with tiny puffs of smoke. SNAP! POP! SNAP! More fireworks of course then the finale, bottle rockets. Zip! Zip! Zip! Zipping all over the place filling the room with more smoke. Zip! Zip! Zing! Wow that one was close. Zip! Zip! Oh and zip!

Suddenly out of the smoke I appear with my staff in hand, in both hands actually but you get the point. I would rate it as dramatic in the dramatic scale. Me erupting from the smoke , staff over my head. Jaw dropping dramatic I would say. *nod* . Too add to the dramatic I yell "Meatballs and spaghetti!", wait no no I yelled “Surprise!" as I bring the staff down. THUMP! My swing is stopped and I just hang in midair for a moment.  All points of being dramatic lost in a thump.

Maybe if I just push a little harder, I tell myself and start to push down on the staff which is kind of hard to do when you are hanging in mid air, no leverage really. But I give it my all, I can see the staff bending.... Come on big guy just fall. Come on..........

Like a spring the staff recoils and I go flipping backwards, gracefully I might add, landing halfway across the room staff still in hand. Quickly spinning it behind me, maybe if I...."Can you please drop down to one knee?"


((Thought I would end with a question, like a dramatic pause but lighter. Until next time....))

[Catherine]

Silence fills the room as I wait for an answer. So silent I can hear crickets chirping which means it must be pretty quiet since they sounded like tall medium sized dwarf crickets often seen in grasslands. It is easy to identify them really, they have a distinct chirp that goes sort of like this and well a little like that. Once you figure out what you are hearing,  it becomes easier to identify it as a tall medium sized dwarf cricket. Anyway back to the moment of silence.

Through that whole talk about crickets the big guy just stands there, I was hoping he finally decided and would have dropped to a knee. But nope! Suddenly he reaches across with one hand and takes the robe, then dramatic rip reveal. Gasp! Swoon!

No swoon just a gasp as the robe dramatically falls to the floor. Okay this makes sense and makes no sense at all. Well the thumping does now at least but the rest no. I mean look at it. Look at it! How would you explain that to your friends. You know I saw something unbelievable today until I saw it, let me tell you about it.


***

I am seeing it and don't believe it, since when did they? And how do they? I mean, come on, how is it even? Okay let me take a breath and paint a pretty picture. There is a small beaver in wooden power armor standing there. Small beaver in big power armor and it was leading the robes.  Please explain to umph!

The umph needs to be explained and not to be explained too. Let's say the power armor had a special little surprise, it could fire its fists like old school Japanese cartoon style robot could. Umph was the part where it grabbed me by the head and started to drag me back to the big guy in the power armor. So umph!


***

"Mmphm mph mmmmpppphhmm!"

You know what tastes bad? Hand, well specifically a palm. Even more specific, a wooden palm. Yuck! Yes I know I could have kept my mouth closed but hey I was struggling and well I was a little tempted to find out too. So the tongue came out a little and tongue tap. What I tasted will never be erased from my tongue's mind. Never ever. It was one level above something nasty. Like err..........hmm........liiiiiikkkkkkkeeeeee duck butt! Yeah that, but I don't know what that tastes like either. I am only guessing it tastes bad, so if someone has ever licked one please tell me and tell me why you licked it. Was it a dare? A bet? What? Did the duck look at you weird afterwards?

I tried to get out of the big....well the armored beaver's hand. It had a grip and a half. Hands went to fingers and I pulled and pushed and tried other things. I even tried a little crowbar, which didn't work and was a bad move really. I think I accidentally stuck it in my ear. Got the ear wax out but I didn't get myself out of the hand. So I can hear everything more clearly if things weren't muffled by the gigantic hand. I wrap my legs around the arm and push with my hands, come on..... Ergh!  Push more....Ow! I think if I manage getting free from the hand, my head might stay behind. I sort of like where it is at now, on my shoulders!

***

For a moment I feel nothing, then my body rocks back and forth as the arm connects to the armor. It feels really good to be hanging there by the neck, can you taste the sarcasm in those words?  Trust me it does doesn't feel good at all. Not even anywhere close. Ow!

"Mmmpppphhhh Mpph"


((Dramatic moment pause. I am so rotten leaving it here but....mwhahaha))

[Catherine]

This sort of sucks! I am basically trapped like a rat in a maze or however that saying goes. I really don't like that saying though, rats are rats. They look like a tiny possum too or a bigger mouse. Now that sends shivers down my spine, they come in three sizes. Like a coffee place. What size mouse do you want; small, medium or large. I will take none thank you. So that is why I do not like to use that saying especially and I will use the big letters, ESPECIALLY when it it refers to me. Yes on tail, no on mouse.

I am not giving up though. No way no how. I will fight until my last dying breath and that is something I am not going to take today. Not on the schedule. Nope sorry. But I am running out of options here. If I had the time I could have trained termites and I would have a chance but I think I don't have the time to do that right now. Kind of hard to say really since I can't see my watch. Could use my matches but yeah...... That would take forever to actually catch and a lot longer to do any real amount of damage. If I remembered to pack a flame thrower, now that would have been different, could have roasted marshmallows too. Yum!

There is one thing left, but I was holding out because of the coolness of the ruins, I might catch a cold. Yes it would be cute to have a little red nose, but not cute to have a runny nose, leaving a trail wherever I went like a snail. Ick! I am not sticking snails up my nose either! That is disgusting! But it is coming down to it, squishing or cold? Kind of hard and kind of easy to decide. I just need the right moment to change.


***

Let's swing the camera to a idea view, away from the Nichole. Something a little more wider.

we catch a glimpse of Dee standing there working the lock and nothing. If she rushed it she ran the chance of setting off the molecular explosions and she really didn't want to feel those. With a glance, she could see the Nichole was in trouble, she needed to do something to help.

"Screw this!" She growled, throwing down the lock picks. Quickly she wrapped the chain around her arm and started to pull. Come on, she thought to herself. Come on! She gritted her teeth as she leaned back, every muscle in her body straining and a few she didn't know she had joined in too. Come on!

The sound of stone scraping stone filled the room as Dee continued to pull on the chain. Even in the grasp of the big body armored beaver Nichole could hear the sound run through her body. Wondering what the sound was, she started to fight harder and harder.

Suddenly there was a loud stoney bang followed by a "Oh yeah!" Dee took a hold of the chain in both hands as she turned to face the beaver and with a yank sent the stone sailing. The stone block whistled, although not keeping a tune,as it flew towards the beaver."Eat that!" Dee growled as she stood there watching and hoping.


***
“Eat that”, Nichole heard as she hung there struggling. Those words usually meant something was about to taste really good or really bad. Yes the hand tasted bad but when 'Eat that' is used in a ruins setting it means something is about to happen. Something that usually included a bang, smash or ow. Sometimes all three and other times not. It was best to consider all three when you are in the situation and when you hear someone other than you say it.

Why not, Nichole told herself.

* ninja art of saving the tail.*


***

Imaginary ninja smoke fills the room as I fall from the beaver's hand, much smaller now. My clothes cushioning my fall as something large and stone looking hits the beaver hard in the chest. BAM!! I can sort of see the beaver is sent hurdling back as a chain races overhead. Of course the movement backwards, of the beaver, is stopped by a wall, the stopping is signaled by another loud CRASH!

What just happened, I ask myself as I make my way of of my clothes, now in one hundred percent monkey form. Still quite adorable and cute though. Following the chain from beaver to..... Ah now I see the how and the what. Standing there breathing hard is Dee. I try to say thank her for the save but it comes out in monkey speak. Which if you don't understand monkey it just sounds like gibberish.


From behind me, I could hear movement and quickly turn to see the beaver slowly pushing the stone off of itself. It looks hurt now, moving a little slower and more rigid. Not good! I look to Dee and then back to the beaver, then repeat that several more times as I try to figure out what to do. Ok...Ok....Ok....

* ninja art of the monkey girl*

Imaginary ninja smoke fills the air for a moment as I revert back to my human form, with tail of course. Suddenly I find an arm squeezed against my chest, a foot on my butt and eep, one of my hands is cold.

* Mental note to self - Self, next time change back to human form outside of clothes. There is a reason for that. *

I wiggle and shake on the ground like some weird contortionist. Arm needs to go the other way. Foot not on butt. Ow. Arm doesn't go that way. How did my other foot get there? Ow! I so pictured that whole sound effect from those robot movies where they changed forms as I debent or unbent or whatever. Quickly I found myself standing, wiggling my pinky to get in straightened as I reached for my clothes.

Pulling on my shirt, I hear a bang and I peek out to see the beaver pushing the rock off of it finally. Need to be dressed now, I tell myself as I quickly try to pull on my shirt the rest of the way, somehow getting caught in it. "Give me a moment," I say from within the confines of the it, my head popping out finally. Freedom! "Okay I am...."

Suddenly the beaver grabs the stone with both hands and tugs on the chain. Yanking Dee towards itself quickly. I can see the chain flying past me, HIYAH! I chop with a hand towards the chain, this better work or I am going to look like a fool. Thankfully my hand shatters one of the links of the chain. Like I expected and I can’t help but smile.

In a blink of a eye and somehow I don't know how either, Dee is standing next too me, a chain still wrapped around one of her arms. Standing there and without taking my eyes off the beaver i ask "Team up?" and Dee nods.

***

We both stand there as the beaver starts to get up, preparing ourselves. Me hopping up and down a little. You know to stretch and get limber, it is not good to go into a fight not properly warmed up. That has been the downfall of many people in a middle of a fight, honest monkey, what are you thinking about when you pull a muscle? The instant ow ow ow, not the fist or bullets flying towards you. Dee yanks her arm back, the attached chain whipping back and then with a loud crack smacks the ground. Sending shards of stone up in the air.

Yeah I know you are probably going to ask, Nichole why didn't you attack the beaver when it was down? Good question, you see it is called 'honor', think of it as a code of conduct I go by. A set of rules even. Like no eating bananas after midnight, yeah they taste really really good and everything but if I eat them after midnight my tummy will hurt in the morning. Another is not to attack someone when they are down, no matter how big and really big they are. So yeah I stood there and waited until the beaver got up. I am guessing Dee waited for the same reason too maybe or her hair fell down in front of her eyes and temporarily blinded her. You know one of those.


((Another dramatic pause. Oh and no beavers were hurt in the writing of this story. Admin didn’t have me state that. ))

[Catherine]

But as soon as the beaver got up it was a free for all. Dee's chain went whipping out and wrapping around the beaver, yanking it towards us  as I rolled forward and up into a flying uppercut, HIYAH! Almost like we had that move planned from the get go. Which we didn't, honest monkey, just luck really. But we continued the momentum, Dee springing up onto the beaver's back, pulling the beaver up. Which exposes its undersides to me as I spin around. Kicking it over and over. WHAP! WHAP!

Our attacks continued, the whole time I would keep my eyes on the beaver watching its eyes. I could see how they started to glow brighter and brighter as we continued. Not a nice calming color either, the beaver's eyes were red. It was angry and getting angrier. Would it beaver out if it got angry enough? Beaver smash!!!

***


I hear the sound of Dee's chain scraping against wood as I try to pry the protective covering off. I could feel it starting to give as I pulled and pulled. Suddenly I felt something large grab me and I was jerked away. "No fair," I yelled, struggling in the beaver's grasp. Looking around I could see that the beaver had Dee in its other hand.

I expected to be shook, crushed or smashed like a grape. I didn't expect to be shot across the room, still in the beaver's fist. It was like some weird attack you see on those giant robot cartoons, you know where they shoot their fists off or something. Usually as either a distant or a surprise attack. I can tell,you it surprised me, still don't know the use of it. Shoot off the fist and then what? Excuse me, let me go put my fists back on.

Why would have anyone even thought of that type of attack at the beginning? You know what would be cool, if the robot's fists shoot off. Explain to me why? Because it would be cool that is why. No, no it wouldn't be cool that is stupid, let's go for laser cannons or a big gigantic sword instead. Those are just so blah! We are going with blah and that is it and forget about doing a robot with a lot of vehicles too.

I mean come on, explain to me how the fists are recovered? Reverse rockets? Guide wires? Picked up? How would you pick them up if you don't have any hands?!? With your mouth? By using thought to control some invisible force that is in everything and anything. That just happens in movies. Maybe the person or thing you are fighting, will help to put them back on?  Okay just twist them to the right and they lock in. CLICK! Thank you, now where were we? Oh yeah I was about to hit you. None of that makes sense.

* dismissive wave *

That only leaves one thing, last ditch move. Something done when everything else just doesn't work. That means the beaver is.... trying to get us as far as possible away from itself. That means we were winning! Of course, the winning part would last just long enough for us to hit the wall, literally. Fists go boom against the wall and two girls go splat. Um yeah no. I am sure Dee thinks the same way. Neither of us wants to be stuck between a large hand and a hard place. We were already in hand and the hard place was coming quickly and it did look really hard.

***

There we were hurdling towards walls, big stone ones and not ones made of cushy foam either, in the grasp of big wooden hands. That sounds silly doesn't it and I would have laughed but I didn't want to swallow any bugs or low flying birds either. Let me tell you once you swallow a hummingbird you keep your mouth closed when flying backwards in a giant hand. They don't taste like chicken, they taste like hummingbird and those beaks hurt.


***

The sound of Dee's chain cracking pulled me back to the now, which is good because the soon to be now was coming up quickly. I could see her struggling as she swung the chain around. The fingers of the giant hand holding her, slowly opening. Suddenly the chain shot out towards the beaver, wrapping around its body. Oh my monkey, she is going too....

Quickly I pulled my attention back to me and how was I going to get out of the current problem. There was no way I could force my way out, I am not that strong and my arms were pinned to my side. So that is a no can do. I could transform again but I just did that so blah. Sitting there trying to come up with something, I felt a tapping on my shoulder. With a quick glance I could see it was my tail,"What girl?" It motioned towards the wall and hinted at the impending sudden stop with it. "I know, it's just that I want to try something," My tail stopped me in mid sentence as it started to shake faster. "Okay okay," I said turning back towards the hand, "I just don't have many options that is all. Just...."


((Another pause in a fight!!! Why? Just because.))

[Catherine]

“There better not be any cameras around here”, I growl, opening  my mouth and.....I can't believe I am doing this, bite the first finger I could bite onto. CHOMP! GNAW! CHOMP! Yuck! Tastes like a hardwood. If I had to take a guess.... What am I doing, get back in the moment.

* imaginary smack across face *

I bite again, harder this time. CHOMP! GNAW! CHOMP! The hand reacts this time, I don't know why or how and guess what I am not asking either. It flies open and at the last second I jump out. Twin BOOMS! You know because of the fists hitting the wall. Those booms not me falling down a going boom.

With a flip I land next to Dee as her chain keeps hits the ground. "Time to end this," I hear her growl and I nod. Her chain rakes across the ground like an enraged.....um....chain. Circling and wrapping around the beaver like some constrictor. What is left of the beaver's arm is pinned to its side much like both Dee and myself were just moments ago, minus all the shooting towards the wall thing.

In a blink of my eyes, I am on fours rushing across the floor towards the beaver, my tail bobbing up and down behind me. At the last moment I do a reverse flip, hmmm......instead of hands first I went tail first, landing on the beaver. THUMP! THUMP! I reach down with both hands and grab the protective shield and start to pull. I can feel it starting too....Suddenly I heard two pops coming from the beaver and I look down.

Through the protective barrier I can see the beaver pulling on something and I can can make out the beginning of some letters, 'ESCA'. What does esca mean? When the protective barrier gives under my tugging, I am caught of guard and I start to fall backwards with it in my hands.

Without any thought I spin and flip, landing on my feet and quickly glance up towards the beaver. It shoots me the look, you know the look the one that says ‘watch your tail’, before BOOM! The armor explodes filling the room with smoke. I can hear Dee coughing somewhere and I reply with my own. Cough. Cough cough. Cough. Cough cough cough. Cough cough. Cough. Almost like we are talking to each other through the coughs. Cough cough. Cough. Cough. Cough cough.


***

When the smoke finally clears we can both see what is left of the armor sitting there, a little over there and some over there too. No signs of the beaver's body other than the patch of fur that Dee found lying over there. Did he go pop and this is all that is left of  it? It was in the center of the blast.... I close my eyes and lower my head for a moment of silence. The little guy didn't need to go out that way. It could have just gave up and left, you know found a peaceful pond and not planned whatever it was planning.

After a few more minutes I look up at Dee, "Ready to go?"

Dee laughed, "Sweetie I was ready the moment the white robes grabbed me."

"Let me grab another banana split slushie and we can beat feet."

***

Nothing like a banana split slushie after a fight. Yum. SLURP! Ergh!!!! You tricked me again slushie. I must remember to only sip the banana gold.

The walk back to Stephen was long and heavy, yes Dee carried her bass but I got the amp. Which by my estimates weighed just about the same as me. So urgh and groan. What is in this thing? Ugh strain. It feels like I am carrying a baby hippo and before anyone says anything, I don't weigh anywhere close to baby hippo weight. You and you stop chuckling. I don't!  I weigh the appropriate weight for my height and size. If you don't believe me, ask me. Of course I will say yes. That is a give me there. But I think I will weigh a little less by the time I get back to Stephen. The glisten is dripping off of me. Drip drip drip.


((End of fight break and wrapping up soon....))

[Catherine]

I say hi to the spider when we walk by, the amp held with two hands off to the side. The little strap biting like a little shark into my hands. Ow! My fingers considered calling in lifeguards to help, but they were all off duty.

When we got to the worded intersection, my hands had some words to say and most were censored by beeps. Which made me sound like a truck backing up down the hallway. Stop laughing, it gives a girl a complex sometimes to hear that. I kept looking behind me thinking I was going to back up over something and I was going forwards.

Of course I couldn't see where I was heading since the amp was pressing into my face, since I was carrying it in front of me  now. My arms screaming just as loud as my fingers.

***

Now the steps those were a special treat, I got to count them as I went up. Of course I lost count about a half a dozen times so as far as I know there was twelve of them. It definitely felt like a lot more than twelve though. I got a personal up close view of every stair since now the amp had someway made its way to my back. Urgh heavy! My legs joined with the screaming and about half way up or the fourteenth something or another step my back started singing a mournful song.

You know what, it was all worth it though. When I saw the look on Stephen's face. Didn't know that a Gilly could emote, but he was emoting big time and I think there was tears. Even though he will deny that and say there was sand in his eyes or something. When I saw the emoting and the not really there tears I could feel the strength returning to my body and then it all flew out of me. I think in that direction over there since I fell in that direction over there.

Of course I carefully placed the amp down, I know how much those mean to a musician. Carefully place down and then black out from exhaustion and muscle screaming.


((Are you ready for the end of the story? Sorry you have to wait...))

[Catherine]

I stayed quiet as Dee and Stephen talked, for a number of reasons really.

One being I was a little tired from carrying the amp, yeah I know still complaining. But it was baby hippo heavy and I am not a baby hippo. Nowhere even close! I probably weigh what one baby hippo leg weighs when I am wet. Now I am not condoning going out and cutting the leg off a baby hippo, the poor things, I am just saying that is all. Rough estimate really, I might be surprised and baby hippo legs might weigh nothing really. Like cookies are with calories, the delicious cookies too and not those ones that call themselves cookies. Yuck! You see with those delicious cookies you can pinch one part off, that one part that is well...I would have to draw you a diagram to get a precise location and I am out of paper so.... later, all of the calories are in that one little piece the rest of the cookie is completely healthy for you. Really, just try it. Pinch and toss that piece away and you won't taste any calories in the rest of the cookie. Go ahead and try it I will wait. Hum................ Well how did it taste? Did you taste any calories? I bet you didn't. Okay back to the baby hippo weight thing, maybe just maybe they have no weight in their legs. Maybe they carry it in their hm....... Somewhere else. Maybe maybe.

The second reason is that you never get between a roadie and their favorite musician. That is just being stupid and might cause you life and limb. Yes there is a safety zone where you can and can't go, but that is constantly shifting due to the constant movement of the roadie. So one second it could be here and the next moment it could be twenty feet behind you. Like over there, where you are not. Then look where you are, in the red zone. Where anything could happen. It is like.....it is like......like wearing clothes made of hay while walking through a field full of cows. Or or swimming with great white sharks, the hungry ones not the ones on diets. Both are really equally dangerous, have you seen the look in a cow's eyes *shiver*. What do you do if you find yourself in the red zone, you would think run and run fast. Wrong! Roadies are lightening fast, some might look slow but they are just fooling you.  You think you are about to escape the red zone and blam! The roadie has you in its grip and you will start to scream. I need to censor the rest it isn't pretty. That and here is the tricky part, the red zone shifts with the roadie. So you many run but if it chases you and it might, you stay in the red zone.  Running and screaming, looking back hoping that the roadie gets tired and breaks off the chase, it won't though it is a roadie, they don't give up!

The third reason is a simple one really. I was considering going back and getting another banana split slushie. It was calling me.

* ring ring *

"Yes, who is this? Oh hi banana split slushie, how can I help you?"

"What? You want me to do what?"

"Are you sure?"

"What? Oh yes, I would be more than happy to drink you. So I should come down?"

"Okay I will see you soon."

*click*

You see, it was calling me. But I took all of the steps into consideration. Doing the math and carrying those three steps that I fell on then dividing that by happy taste buds and add dripping glisten, I kept that in the thinking about column.

There was a couple more reasons too, but wait a moment. As Dee and Stephen talk, I notice something strange. Dee's fingers look like they are strumming the strings of a bass. I clear my throat and patiently wait so nothing bad happens.


***

"Yes?" Dee said as she turned to face me.

"Yeah...what is up with your fingers?" I ask pointing towards Dee's hand. I watch as Dee looks down for a moment,giving me a smile when she looks back towards me.

"My fingers are itching, I need to play," she answers.

"Play?"

Dee nods, "yes. I need to play the bass soon or else."

"What is the or else?" I ask, my interest piqued.

"You don't want to know." Dee replied as she stood. The Gilly points out towards the windows and Dee nods.

"Okay.... So what are you going to do?"

"I am going to hold a concert," Dee answered back as she dropped out of sight.

Quickly I ran to the window to see Dee dropping to the stage below,"but there isn't a crowd."

"Don't worry about that," Dee called back as she landed gracefully and in a moment had her base set up and plugged into the amp. I watched as she lifted her left hand and BOOM! The sound of the bass made everything vibrate and shake. For a moment dust devils started to kick up all over, I blinked and shook my head swearing I could see ghostly bodies forming as the dust devils danced about. The longer I stared the more refined the upper bodies got, I could see arms now, while anything below the torso was just a blur of swirling sand.


***

"What is happening?" I asked, turning towards Stephen.

Stephen let out a laugh as he walked up to the window, "Dee wants a concert and there can't be a concert without a crowd. So girlie, Dee is summoning the crowd."

"How?" I asked as Stephen crawled out of the window and dropped down to the speaker below.

"It doesn't matter," Stephen started to say as he pointed to an empty space at the base of the stage, "looks like she is saving you a spot."

Quickly I looked down and back up at Stephen, "I am not sure."

I could hear a growl coming from Stephen before words oozed out of his mouth,"Get your tail down there. This will be a concert of a lifetime and more."

"Okay."


***

The concert rocked! There is loud and then there is loud. Every bone in my body and some I didn't know I had shook. The phantom crowd, oh my monkey. Some had lighters up, where they got them from is beyond me but they had them. I would look around as I jumped up and down and could see the lighters bobbing up and down like mad lightening bugs. Every so often I would glance up towards Stephen and I would catch him bobbing his head or tapping his foot to the music with a big smile on his face. Oh and I body surfed a couple times, again I am not sure how the phantom crowd held me up, but I didn't care. It was fun!  Did I tell you it was fun? Oh yeah I did. It was fun, just in case you didn't know. I body surfed too, oh I told you that. Yeah fun....

***

After the concert, the crowd sort of just slowly dissipated. I watched as some turned around and it looked like they were walking away and then nothing. I would say one by one but that would take forever, so it couldn't have been that. All I know after a while all that was left was Dee and myself, oh and Stephen way above us.

Dee motioned for me to join her on stage and with a little hop I was up there.

"Thanks for rescuing me," I heard Dee say as she continued to stroke the strings.

"You are welcome."

For a moment Dee looked down at the bass, "It is time for you to go now."

"What?" I asked as my tail bobbed up and down, "Why?"

"I don't have the answers for either of those sweetie. I just know it is time," Dee answered as she plucked a couple of strings. Suddenly the air behind me felt like there was energy in the air, the same feeling you get before a lightning storm hits. Like every molecule around you is dancing around slamming into everything, that feeling! Slowly I turned and could see a tear quickly forming, "Okay what is that?"

"That is your one way ticket and it has been stamped," Dee answered.

I took a breath, not taking my eyes off the tear," I am not sure about that...."

"I said it was time!" I heard Dee say right before I felt her foot on my butt then a push. More like a shove but it doesn't matter really once I hit the tear. Where it felt like every molecule in me decided to go in opposite directions at once. URP! My tummy definitely did not like the feeling. URP! My tail didn't like the feeling either. URP!

URP!


((Are you interested in the rest, please let me know.))

[Catherine]

You know when you step through an extra dimensional portal, okay I was pushed really and I have the footprint on my butt to prove it too which might hold up in a court of law and I wasn't meaning my butt either, you sort of expect to land on your feet. Not find yourself sitting on something cushy, other than the one thing jabbing me on one of my legs and everything was dark. The dark was easy to fix, open my eyes. The cushy thing that surprised me, it was a seat with what feels like a spring with an attitude poking through, ow!

The seat was well worn and actually had a blanket thrown over it, which didn't stop the spring from reminding me it was there. Hello jab jab. Of course the seat was part of something bigger. The bigger thing had other parts too; a steering wheel, a raccoon tail hanging from the mirror, gauges and a lot of bare metal. The one thing that it was missing was a roof, which made it a lot easier to get out of. Why open a door when you can just hop out.

A hop and turn later I looked at the bigger thing. It looked old and mean, sitting so low to the ground it might have been below the surface of the ground. It looked like a car but not anything modern, not with the immense engine in the front with the.....one , two and three pipes coming out from either side and the medieval contraption of pipes on top. The engine looked mean, really mean. It looked liked it could be one of those engines that goes around beating up other engines for their milk money.

Slowly I walked around what looked like a car, inspecting it. Big lights and huge grill. The tires were slender in the front and huge in the back. The body looked like it was painted once, maybe black or a really dark blue, the paint long dulled by the weather. Talking about rust, there was no lack of it. I think there was more rust than actual paint on the car now.

Ending back at the driver's side I start to remember the shows I watched with my dad. The ones where they restored old cars and everything. They always made it look so easy too, getting a car restored in what felt like a week. Yeah this one got crushed by a falling house, I think we can get it back up and running. By the end of the show they got a car that looks good and runs. I don't know how really, the car didn't look like a car at the beginning or anything, at the end yeah it looked like a car and sounded like one too. What did they call these?

*Snap of mental fingers.* A model A I think, don't ask me about the other models.  They might have stopped at A and just forgot the rest and skipped to something with mobile at the end. It looked beat though, the car thing.

Slowly I looked around, desert to to right of me and desert all around. Asphalt stretching off into the distance on either side. Hopefully...... I climb back in and check the glove box. Nothing special really; an old map telling me I was nowhere,  a screwdriver and a flare gun. I will have to remember that, I tell myself as I shift back over to the drivers side, "let us see if she starts."

*fingers crossed* because if it doesn't, the map says I am in for a walk to get to somewhere.

((Time to make more words cry...))

[Catherine]

I push a foot forward to push the clutch in and I find something out. The car is too big for me! I scoot forward a little a try again, still can't reach the pedal, this isn't fair! I reach to the side of the seat to see if I can find the knob to get the seat to shift a little more forward. All I find is seat. I switch my hand to search and find. Poke. Tap. Poke. Tap. Tap. Tap. Nothing, no knob for power seating! The humanity, how am I supposed to shift the seat forwards? With power comes me being able to reach the peddles.

Maybe I just missed it, I think to myself, all cars have power seating. My hand looks again and...... Nothing! There is definitely not a knob or a switch or anything to adjust the seat. So how? I close my eyes to think and let myself fall forwards, my forehead hitting the horn, not the horn itself but the center of the steering wheel. Ahhhhwwwwoooooggggggaaahhhhh!

I lay there and laugh to myself after hearing the horn, the car definitely has attitude. It doesn't care what others think, it isn't going to toe the line and have a horn like other cars. Nope! No silly neon lighting or even power seating either. Why be like others when you can be yourself, be unique. A smile slowly begins to form as I whisper to the car, "We have a lot in common. I think we are going to have a lot of fun together," pausing for a moment to laugh, "if I can get you started."

For a moment, I flash back to riding in a my grandpa's truck and how he would adjust the seat forwards and backwards with a lever under the seat. Worth a try. I start to search under the seat for any such lever and basically find the underside of a lot of springs and it feels like.... Suddenly the spring decides to remind me it is there and I yelp as I jump out of the car. Ow!

Standing there, rubbing my butt all thanks to the frisky spring. My hand shoots forwards as I point at where I think the spring is, "You..." Then point to my butt, "No!" The spring squeaks at me, maybe saying it was sorry I am not sure. All I know is that it tasted the flesh of a monkey girl, now I must keep an eye on it just in case. Which will make driving difficult. I need to find something so I can.

The seat doesn't adjust, there was nothing inside the car that I can see that could help either. That only leaves the trunk. If there is a body in the trunk, I am going to scream and scream so loud that everyone will hear me, so get your earplugs kids.

I reach for the button to pop the trunk and take a deep breath. No body. No body. then press and up pops the trunk lid slowly. Like some theater curtain revealing the performers behind it. If I see a performer, I will scream.

Prepare yourselves.



((Is there a body in the trunk? Not even I know. Okay I do but you have to  wait and see.))

[Catherine]

Why am I ready to scream? Have you seen any movies? A car out in the middle of nowhere always has a body in the trunk. I don't know if it is a prerequisite or something. Maybe it is, you know if you are thinking about leaving your car nowhere you must include a body in the trunk or you will be fined. Unless there is some type of weird road side service, they drive around and when they find an abandoned car they throw a body in the trunk. Ick. So yeah inhaling and preparing to scream. Even my tail was preparing.

Slowly the lid raised letting out a squeak, revealing more and more as it opened. Is that a foot? A hand? Oh my monkey a head! Preparing to scream in t-minus 3...2....1....and scre...... Wait no, no body just an overactive imagination. Whew! Canceling scream now.

With a thunk the trunk lid finally opens. Let's see what the trunk is holding. Hmm...tire iron, a tool box that ugh obviously has tools in it, a lizard that shoots me a dirty look as it scurries away and a large canvas sheet covering something. Warning lights go off in my head, the body is under the sheet I just know it. For a moment,  I consider all, well some okay one of the possibilities and take a sniff of the air, smells like desert. Smells like I am starting to glisten too. Slowly I reach out, my hand touches the canvas sheet and I prepare to scream again.

1....2....3 and lift. Whew! No body just....books! Classics too. You know a title and it is probably here. Wait, what did you say? Let me check..... Yeah there is a copy right here. Oh that one might be hard. Didn't most of those get burned in the great book burnings of that one year. You might have gotten me there. Nope right here up on top, sign too.  You know what I could probably take one of the bigger ones and put it behind me, much like I tried to do after reading them in school. Now it would literally be behind me and I thought books weren't useful.

Quickly I start to root through the books, making a couple stacks on either side of the car. Then I found it, the big one and ugh it was heavy. It took both hands to pick it up and carry it around to the front of the car. Lifting above the door was an ergh, if it fell I could imagine myself be crushed under it. SMOOSH! But I kept pushing and pushing until it slipped out of my hands and over the top of the door onto the seat. Did the car lower a little? The springs in the seat squeaking up a storm in protest. "Sorry, sorry."

I pop over the door and start fidgeting with book, trying to line it up perfectly. One or two times I thought I my hand was pinned between the book and seat. Thankfully I managed to get my hand out without loosing a finger. Let me count to make sure. One....two...three.....four......five.....six....seven.....eight and nine. Oh my monkey I lost a finger, whew you were just hiding little pinky. Bad finger, you scared me. Ten, ten fingers good.

Carefully I slip into the driver's side, don't need the book crushing me, much closer to the pedals now. Nothing like a book written by that one writer to help you out in the end. I thought they were only good for squishing spiders or tossing at my brother too. Then slowly turn the key and the car comes too life with a roar that sounds like a lion roaring. With every press of the gas pedal down the car shakes..

"Are you ready girl?" I ask as I press down the clutch and I grab the stick shift, the sound of scratching gears fill the air as I try to fund the right gear. Hey, I have only driven automatics before so blah, blah, blah. With a thunk I find something and I ease up on the clutch at that point the tires screech and the car jumps like a mad bull. You aren't getting ride of me that easily.

I pop the stick out with a thunk before letting go of the clutch. Safety! Hand searches for seatbelt, pull belt across and click! Now I won't be thrown, I tell myself before trying the clutch again. It only takes me twenty or thirty times and my head nearly hitting the steering wheel several times before I get use to it. I have tamed the mighty beast, boo yah!

The engine roars again as I go burning down the road, the wind in my hair and hopefully not to many bugs.


((Time to get driving....))

[Catherine]

ZOOM! I go shooting down the highway at somewhere below light speed. I say somewhere because I think the speedometer is broken and it only goes up so far.  I would tap it but yeah going really fast and I don't want to take my hands off the steering wheel at the moment, maybe once I take my foot off the gas pedal a little I will consider it.

BOOM! Oh my monkey, was that a sonic boom?  Was it? I look around at the landscape streaking by, I know i was moving fast but wow! There is only one way to test, say something and see if I hear it or will it be left in the dust only to be heard by someone later. What to say though? Need something interesting as a just in case. Don't want to leave something stupid behind if I am going faster than the speed of sound. I don't want some stranger suddenly hear "meatballs!" coming from nowhere. Startled they would jerk the steering wheel looking for meatballs and get in an accident and take out some cacti. So I need to think of something good and less crash inducing.  Probably the Boy Scout manual has some good ideas but I need to keep my hands at  ten and two at the moment. Hmm,., I should be safe, I guess.

"Hello......"

Yeah I heard it, maybe the windshield is creating a little pocket. Slowly I push myself up just enough and I start to feel the wind starting to get stronger. "He......." Gulp! My head jerks backwards as something goes slamming into it. Ow! Quickly I jerk the steering wheel to the side and slam my foot down on the brake. The back end of the car fish tails around and the tires squeal as the car comes to a sudden stop, leaving a nice black mark on the highway.

Cough. Cough. What did I just swallow? I grab the side of the car, pull myself up and  try to spit whatever it was out. Ick! What was it, please just come out. Spit, spit and more spit. Why wasn't there warning signs? Don't stick your face above this point especially with your mouth open or something will fly into it at an extreme rate of speed. It could have gone in the corner, I would have seen it! Spit. Nothing. Maybe it was one of those armadillos that jump, it felt like one. I send in my tongue to search  the inside of my mouth for whatever it was. even breaking out of the dogs. It finds nothing; no bodies, no survivors or debris. Almost like whatever it was just vanished!

Maybe it was nothing, just some hard air. That was it, yeah hard air. It happens. I tell myself as I scoot behind the steering wheel. Looking around I see cacti all over the place, there are even cacti on cacti. I jump a little when I notice there is one in the seat next too me, where I was just moments ago. "Okay.... " I turn back to the steering wheel and there is a little one now on top of it. "Strange...." I say with an uncomfortable laugh as I spot another sitting on the top of the grill of the car,

The feeling of being watched fills me as I reach for the keys. I blink and like three more cacti appear. "Hi guys or girls. Kinda hard to tell you apart. You know you all look alike sort of maybe a little, especially with the needles. You should do something about those really too. I hope you don't....."  I thrust my foot down on the gas pedal hard which causes the car to jump and take off. Little cacti flying up in the air as a poof cloud appears where I once was. In moments I am miles away outrunning even the roadrunners, BEEP BEEP, away from the cacti.


******

I see the billboard from miles away. Its black glowing, like only black can do , in the desert heat. At first I think it is a one of those desert mirages, you know the type right? Where the desert gets all tricky and makes you think you are petting a cute kitten and you are really petting something really ugly. You wander why the kitten feels like it has scales or quills or horns, but you just blame yourself and the lack of skin moisturizer on your part. One of those!

But the closer I get, the more details I can see in the sign. The red circle, the yellow and white lettering announcing, Secret Spot - 2 miles ahead. I can't pass one of those tourist traps up, I remember seeing the brochures and always wanted too. Now is the perfect time to explore. It has been decided,

Another sign flies by 'Yeah Secret Spot in one mile' as I shoot down the highway. The car lifting off the ground for a second after cresting a little hill. I blink and almost miss the next sign saying I should be turning any moment now, followed by a sign that says 'Its no secret turn now!' Of course I am not going to pass it up so I wrench on the steering wheel and take the drive way sideways. Not a little sideways either, all the way sideways and all the way down the drive.

I know it isn't safe and I should put in a disclaimer. * Please do not do not try the following. It isn't safe and really it should not have been done in the first place. So do not try the following at home, the person in the scene is a trained professional. Who are we kidding, she is far from being a professional. Just....just don't try. It. Okay?

Letting go of the steering wheel I climb up onto the door as the car continues down the drive. I throw my arms out and lean forward, "I am queen of the world....." I hold the pose and feel so alive. What with the wind through my hair and the kicked up gravel shooting all around me like enraged gnats. The sound of squealing tires adding that  perfect rubber to asphalt sound.
 
The car starts to slow and finally stops, rocking up on two tires and hanging there for a moment before crashing back down onto the ground. Of course as the car hangs there I dive off and roll the rest of the way to the ticket booth. As I gracefully stand up, let's get the scores from the judges on the move. We got s 9 another 9 a 8 and a two from the Russian judge. Boo!

While I stand and slap a twenty down onto the ticket counter, "One please." This is going to be fun!


((What is coming? Nail bitting so dramatic of an ending.... not really but still. Until next.))

[Catherine]

I stand there for a moment waiting for someone, anyone with a ticket to give me. Looking back I can see how empty the parking lot is, which is good actually if you think about it. The way I entered the parking lot would have become a lot more interesting with cars in the parking lot. There would have been at least one boom, a couple crashes, an oops or two , a flip and some other things. Likely ending in me flying through the air with the greatest of ease,  a look of surprise on my face and screaming. Of course I would have looked cute doing it and ended in a perfect landing, feet firmly on the ground in the this and that position with my arms out. The one judge would of course score me low. *grumble grumble*

No one showed up and it was quiet, well other than the cricket. That little guy was loud! But it was the middle of the day so this place should have been hopping. I wonder..... "Hello!" I call out and the cricket answers back, CHIRP!

Slowly I nod, "Yes I know this is getting strange. There should be tons more tourists here other than me," answering the cricket.

I turn around and and put my elbows up on the counter and I lean back.The imaginary straw in my mouth slowly bobbing up and down, helping me think. What to do? Slowly I look to either side, all cool like. If I had a cowboy hat on I could go "Mam" and tip my hat. But then I would be maming nothing but empty air too.

What would a cowgirl do, I ask myself. Not a moo cowgirl either, no swishing tail, okay yes for the swishing tail. Sorry tail. But no horns, or spots or mooing. So no moo cowgirl. So what would one do? I reach for a imaginary water all cool like and drink it in one gulp. Then imaginary clank it back down on the counter.

Slowly I push myself up, a cowgirl would just go in and start to make my way to the entrance. With each step I  whisper "Ching!" to myself, you know to imitate the sound of Spurs on the ground. My hands go out and as I reach the entrance, I know it is the entrance because of the sign that I am passing underneath as I push at the imaginary swinging doors, like the cowboys do in movies, I step through a stop. Just far enough so my butt doesn't get imaginarily tapped by the imaginary door.

I nod, tipping my imaginary cowboy hat. "Time to explore," I say to nobody, my tail nodding in agreement. I can see the pointing signs doing their jobs, pointing this way and that. So many decisions, but my tail decides with a point to the right.

"You are always right" and I take off up the trail and to the right.

******

Up the trail I go, seeing weird things here and there. Weird tree things here, ones
 growing out of the ground stopping then doing a weird upside question thing. Which would confuse the squirrels. Then other trees intertwined with others, not the branches! The branches were separate, the trunks were intertwined. Spiraling up then separating at the top. A tree was eating a lawn mower, not eating in the nom nom way. As in the trunk of the tree was well you know engulfing it. You would think someone would move the lawn mower or something before the tree did that. I mean trees don't mow lawns as far as I know. At least I don't think they do. *mental scratch head*

Then there was the whole thing on bushes and shrubbery. Weird....

I was looking at one of the birds that swing up and down like they are sipping the water. But this would do it in reverse, it would bob down and spit water in the glass. Then swing up then back down and spit more. Mesmerizing trying to figure out how it was doing it. I got down on my knees checking out the table for hoses or tubes or anything that would get water up to the bird. One straw attached to another even, since those are easily dismissed. Ah it is just straws *dismissive  wave*. Poor things are the black sheep of the hose family, probably a distant cousin on the mother's estranged uncle's best friends third sister with a strange eye relative. Think about it if you get enough of those bendy ones you could get water anywhere and they make those weird sounds as you need them.

There I am on my knees frisking the table when out of nowhere, well not nowhere really it was coming from over there, I hear a scared bleating getting louder and louder. Before I could scratch my head a goat burst out of the bushes.

It was scared, I could tell by the scared look in its eyes and it was running away from the bushes. They  didn't look scary to be honest, the bushes; normal leaves, branches and other bush things. Or was it a shrubbery? Either way it wasn't scary. Maybe the bush said something to the goat, something scary? That is silly, bushes don't talk.

"Hey what is...." I tried to ask as the goat ran pass me into more bushes, friendly looking bushes I guess. Can't really tell the difference from the bushes on the other side of the trail. I guess I wouldn't be good at a bush reunion.

 "Hey Barbara."

"I am George!"

"Oops sorry, you all look like. Have you thought about wearing name tags?"

"No!"

"Sorry...."

You see I would be bad. So bad they might think I am bushest or something. Which I am not, bushes are plants too. *nod*

I was about about to follow the goat when out of the bushes from where the goat came from, over there. Something burst all of the bushes. Something looked like well something. Small, gray, big eyes, spines running down its back and it had a straw in one of its hands. The look in its eyes said, "I am thirsty." The something didn't even bat an eye at me as it ran across the path pass me and jumped into the bushes that the goat ran into.

What just happened, I asked myself as I stood there.  Maybe this was part of the Secret Spot experience? Maybe the owners get kids to dress up as goats and somethings and chase after each other? That could be it, but the goat looked scared and if it was acting scared it deserves an Oscar or something. For best  scared impression of the year the winner is goat and the crowd cheers as the scene plays over and over for them on big screens.

If they was just actors they could have gotten a better costume for the something. It didn't look like anything I have seen before. Wait a second it is one of those one things. What are they called again? A chupalupa? A chupa chupa? A chewy cup of? A chewing cobra? It is on the tip of my tongue..... A Charles? No...no...

Realization hits and almost knocks me to the ground. Holy Monkey, it is a chupacubra! A...a....a goat sucker! That explains the whole straw thing now. A straw would keep things cleaner then the whole canine teeth bite and suck blood up thing that vampires do. It would cut down on trips to the dry cleaners and explaining the blood stains on shirts. *nod* Maybe vampires should take a tip from the chupacubra handbook and go to the dentist to get their canines looked at.

Wait a...it was chasing after...and the goat was....the chupacubra looked...I can't let that happen!

Quickly I run over to the bush and dive in. I will save you little goat!

((Okay now this is getting weird. I mean not just weird but I mean weird. How weird find out next time...))

[Catherine]

I dive in and the bush smacks me over and over. Some of the branches were not even close to me and SLAP! One even double slapped me, not a fast double slap either which might make since. No it took its time, slap in the face and right after I finished spitting the leaves out, I got a smacked in the tail. Which caused me to stumble forwards into a sticker bush, OW! Stickers aren't friendly! They get all up close and personal in a not good way. Ow! I am going to be pulling them off for years probably.

Suddenly an "Eep!" erupted out of me, hands quickly covering my mouth to keep the eep muffled. I look back at my butt, at the cause of the eeping. Just a thorn really, one the size of the body! Why would a bush need something that long? Why? Someone tell me, yes it was just sticking my butt and not going thought my body but still. Why? There is no reason for something like what was poking me to even exist.

Carefully I reach back and yank the thorn out of my butt. Ow! Scolding it mentally to stay quiet as I let it go and start to move forward.  Over a log under another.

Through the bushes I can hear the terrified bleating of the goat. Getting louder as I continued to crawl forward. Slowly and all ninja like I slipped my face out of the bushes to see the chupacubra with the goat in its hands. Over and over it jabbed the straw into the goat's neck. Well trying too at least, it wasn't finding success. Poke bend poke bend poke bend.

I could see the chupacubra was getting frustrated, it was thirsty and the straw wasn't doing its job. The goat wasn't enjoying its straw massage at all. Poke Poke Poke Bleat bleat. I watched as the chupacubra pulled its arm back and poke! Nothing at all.
Angered the chupacubra started raining the pokes down on the goat's neck. Poke Poke Poke Poke Poke. Nothing, not even a mark.,

In a fit of rage the chupacubra threw down the straw and brought the goat to its mouth
 I could see the enlarged canines on either side of its mouth, telling me I will nom you and you will like it. The chupacubra's tongue slowly slithers out, licking its lips in the way of ick..

'It is going old school this time and I can't allow the No hakuna tomato or anything. Where is the circle of life and don't say it coming closer to chupacubra's mouth. "Excuse me," I say stepping out of the bushes.

******


I get another surprising smack in the tail by a bush as I step out. Eep! That bush waited I swear. I take my eyes off the chupa chupa for a moment to shoot the bush a look, putting it on the spot. "I am watching you," I mutter under my breath. It could be my imagination but I swear at that moment I saw the bush shake, of course it might have been the wind too.

Turning back to the chupa, I saw it standing there watching me as it continued to poke the goat with the straw over and over. Thwap. Thwap. Thwap. "Could you stop that please?" I say calmly as I try to think of something. BOINK! "Listen Mr. Cubra, I don't think that goat is ripe, to young maybe." The chupacubra stopped for a moment staring at me like it was thinking about what I just said.

"Look at your straw it says it all. Look at it," motioning with a hand towards the general area of the straw,"If the goat was ripe would the straw be like that?" The chupa looked down at the goat then to the straw and then at me where it shrugged.

"Ah come on," giving the chupa a kind look. You know a little smile and stars in my eyes. "You know the truth. You chased after a not ripe goat. It will probably taste nasty too. You should let it go and let it rippen. "

* mental fingers crossed that chupalupa believes me *

The chupacubra just stands there then looks down at the goat and tries to poke it with the straw again. THWAP! Nothing but a bent straw. I could see the chupa take a deep breath before letting the goat down.

"That is good, you don't want to have a non-ripe goat. It spoils everything for the rest of the day." Nodding and shaking my head in the appropriate areas of course. "You need to let that little one rippen for a while," motioning for the goat to keep moving with my tail when it stopped at the bush line.

I motion with my hand, "Come on, let's see if we can find you a ripe one."

******

My hand stops just about almost too close from the chupa's spines. "Okay yeah I would pat you on the back and everything Mr. Cubra. But I think that might be saying the wrong thing what with the screaming and everything." I air pat the chupa chupa's back as we start to walk up the path.

We pass up the rope that can't be tied that is tied to a tree so it can't be stolen. A house that is in serious need of being fixed, it sort of had a lean. Not really a lean more like a suspended fall. The only way it looked correct was by tilting my head to the side. Yeah there it is all good. The whole house was like that, on a severe angle, not sure how the door opened. By all logical it shouldn't, the frame was angled but the door swung like a regular door. Which should not be possible! Then going inside I found other objects of angles not perfectly straight up and down. All of the furniture, photos, books, the puppy and everything else. Everything was just off! Right angles weren't right. Obtuse angles were obtuse, hey you can't get more obtuse than obtuse. So they stayed obtuse but more so,

I could see a sign with a level under it and a ball in a basket. Interest piqued I walked over with the chupa tagging beside me. 'You are level,' the sign said,'if you don't believe us check with the level.' I nod and take the level and put it on the floor. For a moment nothing happened but then the bubble did the bubble thing. Slowly moving until it floated there in the middle of the tube it was in. So level.

Brushing my pants off as I stood, even the dust was off I think, I read the rest of the sign. 'So know you know you are level. Now take the ball and put it on the floor.' Okay, I thought as I reached for the ball. Nothing was on odd or off just your standard pool cue ball. I looked at the chupa then back at the ball, "Let's see what happens."

Letting go of the ball, on the floor of course, I watched how it started to roll away. What the? Then it stopped. Maybe just an uneven floorboard. Then it started to roll again but turning this time. What the? Reaching for the ball my hand meet floor when the ball shot away across the floor and stops. Slowly I take a step towards it and it starts to roll away.

I motion for the chupalupa to head towards the doorway before the great chase started. That ball must have four wheel drive, I told myself since it was getting anywhere and everywhere. Under the table, up a bookcases  and even across the ceiling it went. Everywhere it went I was behind it, don't ask me how I did the ceiling. Ancient Monkey secret  and you don't need to know. Okay well I don't know either really so hmm... When I figure it out I will tell you, honest monkey.

I thought I had it once, in a corner. But it reared up and hissed, which surprised me to say the least, before shooting towards the door. The chupa has it, I told myself. ZIP! right between its legs. Nope!  Quickly I ran to the doorway to see if I could see the ball. I did, but yeah....well it was not here but over there. No over there but way over there. How it crossed that distance in a blink of an eye is an unknown, a real head scratcher.

*mental head scratch*

No way I can get the ball back. It might roll out of my grasp. Turning around I saw the chupa stabbing a teapot with its straw. "It isn't a goat." Which It responds with a grumble. "Let's get going." I announce as I leave the house.


((Strange happening and more to come mwhahahaha))

[Catherine]

It takes me a few moments after leaving the house to walk upright, what with all of the wrong right angles and obtused obtuse angles messing with my brain. I didn't realize that I was unconsciously adjusting myself to fit in until I got outside and well, how can I explain? Let me think.....

Okay draw a stick figure with a line under it. Go ahead and it doesn't need to be fancy. You need something to draw with? Okay let me see...... Okay here is a black crayon excellent for drawing stick figures. Done? Good. Now imagine a line starting from the feet and somewhere halfway between the head and the line if the figure was falling sideways. Now draw a stick figure. That is me!

What is the saying again? One hand to the sky or something like that. I had one to the sky and one dragging on the ground and there was a lot of rocks, ow! Back in the house, back there. BANG! Ow! Ergh need to use my other hand, the one in the sky to do things until  I am upright to everything here and not everything in the house.

In the house, I guess I subconsciously just corrected myself until I was 'right' with everything around me. So logically I can just walk around until I am 'right' again. BANG! Ow! A root meet my hand this time in a non friendly passing you by way. BANG! Ow! This can't last to much longer, I tell myself as I shake my hand. BANG! Ow! If my hand bangs to many more things it is going to be bruised and swollen. My hands will be out of proportion and everything. I can't have that. *shake head*

That is when I feel a familiar tapping on my shoulder. "Yes?" I ask turning my head a little to see what my tail had to say. Pass it, I could see that chupa libra was having the same problem as me. My tail snapped it's fingers like only tails can do to get my attention than motioned to me and then towards a tree.

"You want me to change into a tree? Sorry I don't do inanimates, the whole not thinking thing bothers me. Before you say it, yes I was considering changing into a ball in the ruins of madness, but that was different. There was tons of stairs and that would have been fun. Changing into a tree well....not so fun, no offense to the tree but... I have heard stories and well no. I don't want to be able, through experience, too be able to put a bumper sticker on the car that says 'Once you leave you never go back.'" Shake head.  Nope.

Tail shakes and points at me and then at the tree again. "Yeah I know you want me..." My tail stops my train of thought when it starts to shake, "No? Then what?"

I watch as the tail points at me.

"Me."

The tail nods then at me again then bobs up and down.

"ok?"

Then my tail points to the tree ,,

"Tree"

The tail nods. The point to me and then to the tree. "Me and tree," I answer, which the tails shakes No too.

"Then what?"

Tail rubs her chin in a way only a tail can. Then points to me, then my feet and finally to the  tree. "Feet?" I ask questionably looking down at one of my feet as I lift it. Me feet tree? Time to think monkey girl. Hmm.......


More hmm........

Even more hmm.......


*mental snap of fingers* "Got it! Follow me chupa loops!" I call over a shoulder back to the chupacubra. Slowly  and carefully I make my way to the tree with no more bangs and my hand was happy with that. I grabbed the tree with one hand and started to pull myself up and when I got far enough I grabbed it with my other hand like an enraged chipmunk. Pull ...Ergh....pull...I think it is working. Pull. *pop!*.

I stop when I hear the pop. Pop isn't a good sound to hear most of the times. I stand there for a moment , not realizing that I am 'right' now and not wrong. I do a slow stretch and turn to grab the tree again.

Realization hits me like a train, "Hey I a right now and not wrong. How are you chupa chup" I turn to look at chupa and can see he is upright and not up wrong no, I give him a smile. "Okay the house was bad, so no going there anymore. Let's go look at something else and see if there are pop machines that have  goats.

((Some houses you know... see you next time with more head scratching))

[Catherine]

It is a lot easier to walk when you aren't inches away from the ground, especially with roots. So we are walking and we are walking up the trail. I look to the right and see desert and look to the left and see a beautiful lake front. The wind not blowing and the boat with a skier behind it not moving either. I blink for a moment then look to either side. Wiping my head *whew* after realizing it is just a sign or something, thinking I was losing it for a moment.

"Stupid sign," I chuckle, turning to chupalupa as I point over my shoulder to the sign with my thumb. I see the chupa's eyes get big and if a chupa's eyes get big you know there is something amazingly weird or there is a goat standing there. I am voting for goat but hey look where we are at so I should be open for the amazingly weird too.

Slowly I turn hoping just hoping that the chupa just likes the painting. That is all I see at first too. Then I hear the clomping of something and suddenly the little goat is there under the sign. Then there is the sound of loud clomping and I see two somethings appear on either side of the little goat.

The two somethings? Hooves and big ones too! Not little ones but big ones. How can I stress big? Hmm........ After some quick not measurements and some not mathematics, I can easily say they are big. Like almost my head big. Eep!

If they are are that big that means..... Slowly I look up to see a hand, not five fingers either more two fingers and an opposable thumb, pulling down the sign. Revealing a nasty and not happy face looking back. It needs a little more, add horns on either side and yeah wow.

It snorts at me, very strongly. My hair actually blows in the gust. Oh and it wasn't minty fresh either, pew pew. I would offer a breath mint, but yeah I think more than one is needed. My eyes actually started to water as I stood  there. So bad. Rotten eggs would be jealous, just saying..

"Hi," I say taking a step back. "May I help you...um Mr....." I look at what is above and below the sign,"Mr. Goatman or woman." With its other hand it answers me, thrusting it over the sign and pointing at the chupacubra.

"I guess you aren't too happy about the poking with the straw are you?"

The goatmam slowly, like really slow, shakes its head as it rips down the sign. I thought the legs and head was bad, the rest wasn't good either.

"I told you...."

****

Let me tell you this, if the troll in the 'Three Billy Goats Gruff' ran into three...no even one of what was standing in front of me now, steaming my hair straight with its breath, the story would have ended differently.  The troll would have stopped the goatman on the bridge thinking it was just a big goat. The goatman would have reached down and grabbed the troll by the neck. Lifted him up and persisted to show him the business end of his fist over and over, like a pneumatic hammer. Thump! Thump! Thump! The poor little troll would have been eating everything through a straw for a long time, might have nightmares too. Waking up all sweaty and screaming thinking it was being pummeled by a goat.

"I will gobble you.....ulp. Thump! Thump! Thump!"

Standing there, I could see the muscles flexing in the the goatman's neck as it lowered its head. Like it needed to be closer. SNORT! Cough, cough and cough. Oh yeah stinky breath. It was bad when it was standing up and far enough away but now.... I know goats ate anything but it smelled like all this guy ate was skunks. Mega Phew!

*ninja art of the oh my monkey this guy's stink and it is making my eyes water technique*

Mentally I pinch my nose. Hoping that, that might help with the smell. "Hi there," I say all nasally las my eyes water,"cansh youd madebe." I motion with a hand for a the goatman to maybe take a step back. The goatman huffs and wow, definitely gargles skunks. "Pwease I can'd bwaly bweade."

The goatman huffs again and I start to feel woozy. Maybe it is the lack of oxygen to my brain or the smell of a lot of skunk shooting up my nostrils. Neither of which i recommend and I am pretty sure they will not being selling 'Ode Pew Pew - Essence of the stripped tail' anytime soon. Many tests would have to be ran before it hit the market. Limited I hope. Maybe like one bottle limited if that.

Luckily the goatman listened and took a step back. Its hooves clumping against the ground really loud as freshness filled the void the stinky left behind. The air still had the slight taste of skunk but it was breathable, which my lungs loved.

"Thank you," I gasped.

The goatman just stood there, slightly hunched over, breathing. Suddenly it thrusts a hand down toward the little goat, pointing with a big hand at the back of the goat's neck then it thrust the same hand to point at the chupa. Like I said just a moment ago, there it stood breathing and now pointing.

Tension was in there air and I needed to figure out what to do before something bad happened. Hmm.....



((I will leave you with a hmmm and wonder....))

[Catherine]

If I closed my eyes, I would be able to feel the presence of the goatman standing in front of me, which I wasn't even thinking of doing. Nope no way. Even if I couldn't feel him, I could smell him. He was mad and a ways beyond that too. If I didn't think of something quickly I could picture him going through me to get to the chupa and it wasn't a pretty picture.

I think for a moment because that is all I think I have, if I had two moments that would be good but just a moment. *BOOP!* A light bulb goes off over my head. No one can be mad with... I shove my hand into my bag and go fishing. Salmon no. Large mouth bass no. Marlin no. No. No. If there was one of those in my bag , ow! What with that nose of theirs. It would probably be sticking out of my bag all the time and get caught on things. Maybe even get caught in doorways. I wouldn't get invited to parties since balloons would get popped wherever I walked. Think about it, salmon and large mouth bass are reasonable but Marlin that is way beyond reasonable but I found what I was fishing for..

Out shoots my hand, unwrapping the item of fishing and pop it right into the goatman's mouth. a sucker in their mouth! "See isn't that better?"

I watch as the sucker stick bobs in and out for a moment. The expression of the goatman is hard to read. If I had to say it was definitely an expression but which one got me. "Give me a moment."

Moments later the boy scout manual is in my hand. Flip. Flip. Flip and more flips. What to do when you sit on a porcupine. No. Bears and picnic baskets, the cruel truth. No. Ah here you go...The many expressions of a goatman. Happy. Sad. Mad. Bored. All of them look the same. Heavy brow going straight over. Sort of a angry maybe happy look in the eyes. The nostrils flared out. The mouth slightly open.

Definitely one of them. Which one though? Hmm.... The wrong guess could lead to a head-but and I don't need that. The loud crack of skull meeting horn is something I don't want to hear.

Trying to look for something, I start to sweep a foot from side to side. "So what are you feeling?"

*****

The goatman just stares at me. I don't know if it is thinking about its feelings or trying to calculate in its head how far I will fly back if it head buts me. If I judge using the sucker stick bobbing up and down as it moves back and forth from one side of the mouth to the other, I still wouldn't know. Happy? Sad? I am going to send you flying? I don't know.

Looking around I see a picnic table nearby and get an idea. "Please come with me," I say to the goatman, turning a little to look at the chupacubra to ask it to follow. I can hear the clomping of hooves on the ground behind me as I walk over and stand at the head of the picnic table, maybe it is the tail? I motion to either side, "Please sit."

The goatman humphs as moves to one side, the picnic table creaking as it sits down. For a moment I can see in my head the picnic table flipping move under the goatman's weight. Luckily it doesn't or everything that I haven't planned will be ruined. I look over towards the chupa as it walks up and jumps into the seat on its side, placing the straw down on the table.

A moment later there are twin thumps hitting the table, causing the straw to jump, as the goatman slams its hands down, I am guessing maybe it is mad because of the straw. Warning lights and sirens start to go off in my head as the chupalupa starts to get up, which isn't nice to hear or see. Makes it kind of hard to concentrate.

I clear my throat as my tail sweeps around and taps the table lightly. Tap. "Excuse me, please settle down. " In a blink of an eye,  both the goatman and the chupa stop as I stand there waiting to come up with what is next.

"Thank you, Now I have called you both here at...." Pausing to look around for s moment, "Picnic table number seventeen to work some things out." Before I can take a breath, breathing is good you know, the goatman starts doing what goats do. Bleating, honking or something as it motions back and forth from the little goats's neck to the straw,

"I know," I say calmly "I was witness to the poking." Thankfully I was just far enough away when the goatman in a sign of anger swiped his hand in my direction, missing me by just enough to pull an "Eep!" from my lips. Of course my tail responded with a loud tap on the table. TAP! Need to stand up for myself or the goatman will just run everything.

"I will not stand for that," I say stamping my foot on the ground to make sure that both the goatman and the chupa chupa know that I am serious. "I would like for you to both sit down and act civilized." STAMP! Fire in the eyes.

If they weren't standing, they stand up and then sit down. I nod a little bit, "Thank you. Now let us begin...."

((Stay calm and don’t look into the Goatman’s eyes……)))

[Catherine]

Slowly I start to walk around the picnic table, "I understand that there is a misunderstanding  between you. The whole sucking of blood through a straw or stomp you into the ground with my hooves things. Now I believe we can come to an understanding today without a pummeling happening."

"Now the blood sucking thing is for sustenance correct?" I ask as I look towards the chupa. For a moment it does nothing as it rolls its straw back and forth before nodding.

I turn towards the goatman, "The stomping into the ground thing, that is for....protection of other members of the herd or prevention."  The goatman nods, never taking his eyes off the chupacubra.

"So now we know why sucking and stomping. Now we have to come to an agreement."

I bring a finger up to my chin and tap it adorably as I walk around for a moment. The hairs on the back of my neck standing on end from the staring. I reach back for a moment just to feel what it feels like having my hair stand on end. Sort of this and sort of that. Kind of like..... Stiff fur but soft. Sort of like carpet but not carpet, nowhere close to carpet but sort of like it. Anyways it was fuzzy. Back to the moment, well the other moment about not hair standing up.

"So what I am understanding is the stomping wouldn't occur if the sucking was managed somehow." I say turning to face both the chupa and the goatman. The goatman nods in agreement. "Which isn't fair for Mr. Cubra," I continue, motioning towards the chupa who shakes its head without blinking. Has it blinked since I meet it?

"Side note Mr. Cubra, do you have eyelids?"

The chupalupa turns its head and looks up at me. Its large almond shaped eyes are black, like looking into space black. We stare at each other for a minute or two and nothing, no blinking, Got to try! I jerk my hands up and towards the chupa chupa, "Booga! Booga!"

Nothing, still no blinking. The 'Booga! Booga!' always gets a blink maybe....

"Okay back to come to an agreement. What we," quickly I turn and try to scare the chupa with the Booga Booga again. No scared blink or startled jerk back. Grr... Made of stronger stuff I guess.

"I apologize to the both of you, that was unprofessional. Let us continue."

*****

"Have you tried tomato juice?" I ask Mr Cubra, "It is red and sort of looks like blood and if you think about it, it is blood. The blood of tomatoes."

The chupalupa gave me a look that sort of said 'What the?' Followed by the one that said 'Look around." Which I did and laughed, "Sorry sorry, I guess it would be hard to find tomato juice out here." Need to think "How about cherry cola, it is red." I say walking over to a pop machine. "Wow three dollars for a....." Looking all over the machine for anything that would show what is inside,"can of pop. A little expensive there and let me see...." Of course there are the usual suspects and nothing cherry. I was crossing my tail too. But the pricing would of made it difficult, I think.

*Mental calculations - tap tap tap and carry the one over there. Add the six and don't forget the decimal point.  A slip of a decimal can make hundreds out of tens. Which well can end some up in jail. Look over answer and wow a lot.*

Yeah correct that, almost impossible. I walk back to the table, "Cola is out, did you see the pricing? It is like they think they are serving ice cold drinks to people in the middle of nowhere, where it is really hot." The goatman slowly shakes his head as he motions with a hand. "Oh yeah, makes sense now but no cherry cola either so..."

"Have you tried...no that isn't really red. Red ink...no that is for writing. The red stuff in thermometers, no that is deadly. Red crayons, chewy and everything. You are saying no with the crayon. They would melt in the heat, which would make it easier sip up but might get stuck in your teeth too."

Slowly I walk around the table, every so often almost throwing out an idea and stopping in early mid sentence. Don't want stupid or half thought ideas thrown out. Those always cause troubles. *nod*  Look at the bagel, someone wasn't thinking there. Looks like a donut but doesn't taste like one. Have you tried to frost one? They get all soggy and just don't cooperate. Blah!

I put my hands down at the head of the table, "Do you two have any ideas?" I get the shaking of the head from the goatman and the stabbing motion from the chulpa. No help!

For formalities I drop my head to the table. THUMP! An idea is jarred free, it is a strange one, but strange ones are sometimes good and hey why not.

"Mr. Cubra have you heard of you are what you eat?"


*****


I watched as the chupa thought for a moment and a couple more moments, rolling the straw back and forth under one of its hands as it thought. Then it stopped and looked up at me and nodded in a chupa sort of way, sans straw of course. That would be silly if it nodded with a straw in its mouth. What with the sucking air through it sound and everything. * Pfft pfft nod*

"Okay maybe just maybe and this might might sound strange, so just listen too what I am about to say, Okay?" Standing there, I can feel my fingers twiddling as I wait for a nod or something from the chupa chupa. I hear thumping, is it my heart? Am I that worried. THUMP! THUMP!         THUMP! THUMP! Can they hear it? THUMP! THUMP! It is so loud! THUMP! THUMP!   It is like that one poem, with the bird and everything. THUMP! THUMP!   If I hear a raven say 'nevermore' I will freak out, now if one says "chimichanga" I will will applaud. Just saying, that is an impressive word to say phonetically for a bird.

THUMP! THUMP!   There it is again, it sounds like it is coming from.... Slowly I look down, oh so ready to jump if I see a heart floating there giving me puppy dog eyes. That would be cute and everything but no! No floating hearts dripping blood all over. No. No. No. That and I would think I would see a bloody trail or something if there was floating hearts around here, not like those can just sneak around. Oh look a trail of red liquid, I wonder what it goes too. I think I will go this other way. That and I have my anti flying heart spray on so I should be safe.

I see no red. I see no left and right ventricles. No pumping. No spitting of red liquid. Nothing but my fingers twiddling and a large caterpillar, preventing three of my fingers from hitting wood. It looks up and gives me a caterpillar smile, then slowly starts to move away. Was I just? It slipped under so my..... I was giving it a back massage! One of the deep tissue ones too! Grrr...... My fingers stop the finger dance and for a brief moment I consider all the things I could do with the caterpillar. A few were me helping it learn to fly at various heights and speeds, but those were just thoughts nothing that would act upon. So don't worry caterpillars I won't be giving flying lessons. Honest monkey. Wandered off the moment didn't I?

I look up and see the chupalupa giving me the sure head shake. "Okay.....what I was thinking is that you want to be goat,  you think the more blood you suck that the next sip will bring you goathood. That then you would be accepted into the herd and be happy."

Do I even have to say what the reactions were? Two thumps as both the chupa chupa's and the goatman's mouth fell open and hit the table.

"I said it was strange... But maybe deep down inside and everything you," motioning towards the goat, "want to be a goat and be accepted by," I motion towards the goatman, "him, well him sort of in a general goat way."

Instantly I hear the goatman laughing, smacking its hands on the table, the table bouncing up and down. I could feel the grrrrs building up inside of me as my tail whips around and pokes the goatman on the tip of its nose. Away from the nostrils of course, ick. I hear that goat snot is hard to get out of fur. "Stop that!" I shout, stomping a foot.

"Stop that now!" My tail pokes the goatman again, causing it to freeze in place. "Thank you tail." I say with a nod and my tail nods back.."Where are your manners? Did your mom not raise you better? I should so give you a time out. Look at the chupa libre. Look at him!" A hand swiftly going out and pointing towards the Mr. Cubra.

"You hurt him," Please let there be tears. I turn my head to look at the chupa chupa, to stress that the goatman should look at him. Whew.... "Look he is starting to well up.!" Of course I didn't know that Mr. Cubra had an allergy problem and forgot his allergy medicine too, but oh well.

"You should apologize, you hurt his feelings."

The goatman just stood there for a moment, staring blankly ahead. Thinking or looking somewhere off in the distance. What is it looking at? *look into distance* There is a bird , which isn't the word and a....tumbleweed. Other than that nothing.

Turning back to the goatman, I see a tumbleweed behind it. For a brief moment I freeze watching the tumbleweed roll behind a tree and just disappear. What the? "Did you two just see that?"

Both the goatman and chupa just shake their heads.How did they miss it? I have to know where they are coming from and going too.

"Ok listen, you..." I point at the chupalupa,"will shadow the goatman for a week or two. Before you say anything " pointing to the goatman as I start to bob up and down ,"this may sound stupid but give it a try... Ok...got to go."

I hop off the bench and take off running. The tumbleweed appearing and disappearing in front of me.

"You are not getting away...."




((What is up with the tumbleweeds? I mean honestly, doesn’t anyone clean? Find out next time... on so dramatic.))

[Catherine]

For inanimate objects, tumbleweeds are definitely animated. Definitely this one, zipping from tree to tree like some crazed timber tiger. Skitter, skitter, hide, skitter, skitter, hide, stalk and lunge at unexpecting victim. Growl! Okay yeah 'timber tiger' is another name for chipmunks  and they aren't too deadly unless you are a nut or seed, maybe a small insect here and there. Still the tumbleweed was like one, zip zip and zip.

I thought I had it trapped once, behind a tree. My tail even peeked around and saw it was there and it was, right there on the other side. Probably catching its breath or silently laughing at me. "I got you," I silently say to myself right before sneaking around the tree and jumping. To find nothing but root and some nature stuff, but no tumbleweed. It was here a moment ago. Where did it go? Quickly I look around, nothing to either side and I know I wasn't sitting on it, tumbleweeds have a distinct tumbleweed texture. Sort of like a hair ball but drier and bigger and not hair. Think of a snowball made of hay and you got it. Not really soft but not really hard. So yeah no tumbleweed texture so not below butt.

That is when a piece of tumbleweed fell from above and right in front of me. They can fly? Why didn't anyone tell me that. I look up expecting it to be floating there, unnaturally. But instead it is up there sticking to the tree, looking and contemplating its next move. They can climb, like a spider erm......Do I have to worry about copyrights or anything? No. Okay. They can climb, like a spider can.

How they do it I don't know. But there it was just sticking there. Maybe they use there straw stuff to stick like little claws. Leaving little holes all over the place when they dig in. Or....or... Maybe they expel a sticky substance like wall crawling things do. I don't think they are sticky, never hugged one and have never heard any wives tales of how to remove a tumbleweed after it sticks too you. Hmm.....

Or maybe they just don't believe in gravity. That could be it. *mentally smacks head* Tumbleweeds don't believe in Gravity like birds do, so they can just go anywhere they want. Rolling up trees, under things, over there, up there. Anywhere because Gravity has no meaning to them. That explains everything now, well everything dealing with rolling up, over, under and sideways up things. *nod*

If you don't believe, it will not effect you. New theory of gravity, mark the date on the calendar. The day Newton was raspberried. The apple believed so it fell.

"You are not getting away," I say gripping the tree,"you aren't the only one that can climb." Quickly I start to shimmy up the tree, not taking my eyes off the tumbleweed. Don't know what type of tree it is, other than a tall and fairly straight. In the way of trees, I would say it is doing pretty good. It definitely had those little car thingies you hang from the rear view mirror scent. Mmmm....Fresh!

Right when I am about to reach the tumbleweed it jumps. Not down but away into a another tree. Then another followed by another then another and so on. It was like watching those Japanese movies with the tree jumping ninjas. BOING! BOING! BOING! Through the woods and never touching the ground like it was so below them. Yeah the ground, ninja pfpht that is so yesterday.

Dropping from the tree, no way would I attempt the BOING thing until I got some practice, I start chasing after the tumbleweed as it disappears into the darkness.

******


The cat and mouse game continued, between me and the tumbleweed. Tree to tree, rock to rock, strange thing to stranger thing. Such a ugly saying, I am not a cat! Yes tail but not a cat. Monkey and banana game? Nah..... I don't plan to eat the tumbleweed, don't need the fiber. That and I hear they are bad on the gums. Before you say it and I know someone will, fiber isn't the other white meat. It is....whatever fiber is. So let's say a monkey girl and tumbleweed game.

On and on we went and a couple times I thought I had it. It was just right there and fwoom it was gone. Almost leaving a little tumbleweed shaped cloud behind. Then there was that one time where it was sipping water waiting for me. Don't ask me how, it just was. Cup in tumbleweed hand and a smug look on its tumbleweed face. Sip, oh there you are I have been waiting. Then fwoom gone. The cup hovering in mid air for a moment right before it spilled in my face. An angered grrr later while wiping my face and I am after the tumbleweed again. Again amazingly spry for something that doesn't think, well at least I don't think they do. But maybe.... Well they have been all over, unless I have been seeing the same one over and over. Which either means intelligence or just freaky coincidence. Or I am seeing tumbleweeds and they are not really there.

It hit a straight away and wow, I thought it was fast before. Yeah no, no where even close. I thought it might have strapped a rocket on to its back, but I didn't see any rocket and if it had one I would have heard it. Rockets aren't the most quiet things to be honest, loud when they start up and really loud after that. Wouldn't hear myself think. Definitely wouldn't be hearing the birds singing. Tweet tweet tweet. Yeah none of those.

Hands almost on it and zoom, it shot like a bullet down the pathway.  Going so fast it pulled me along with it, which caught me my surprise initially. Didn't really expect being dragged along by a ball of grass. But there I was being bounced off everything as the tumbleweed flew down the path. Yeah it made the easy almost nonexistent turns, me on the other hand started to find it strange that there was a tree in every turn. Which meant I kissed wood in every turn. Mmm...yum oak this time. A nice red oak but I can't place the year.

After a couple more bounces down the rail I could see that the tumbleweed was going for a ninety degree one. Oh no....no....no....[\i] It hit the turn and stopped, which meant I shot by it and nearly hit the tree. The bark was so close that I felt the texture as I shot by. Of course the large wooden sign thought otherwise and WHAM! All forward monkey girl movement stopped with one tail jarring moment.

Dazed, I turned my head as I started to get up to see if the tumbleweed was there. Up it hopped and off it took. Dragging me along with it. The moment I saw it hop I knew what was going to happen, I have watched Saturday morning cartoons and quickly rolled around and tried to grab anything solid. Pebble, useless. Leave, again useless. Root, maybe and too late.

"Sto," bounce. Bounce.

"I said...." Bounce. Bovine

After the first couple bounces I decided to keep my mouth shut, I had already eaten enough dirt and didn't need any for dessert.. Whap. Whap. Bounce and tons more whaps and bounces. Until I bounced into something metal. I looked up and smiled. "You are in trouble now tumbleweed."

Without taking my eyes off the ball of tumble I reached up and put my hand on the door then slowly picked myself up. "No way you are getting away now." I jump backwards, I so should have done one of those moves that those energy fighters do in those Japanese shows with the giant robots. Some dramatic move with light and a cool sound effect. Schwing.....Schwimg...I call upon the old beat up hotrod hoooooo.......

Quickly I adjust myself on the books as I pull the seatbelt across. CLICK! With a quick glance I can see the tumbleweed sitting there as turn the key in the ignition. Suddenly the air is filled with a mighty roar as the engine came to life.

"Let's see...."

Well I tried to tease the tumbleweed but POOF it took off. The sun glinted off my teeth as a smile appeared for a moment. Foot goes down and BOOM off I go.


******


The car explodes from the gate, well not literally a gate but from where I had parked. I wrench the wheel to the side and  I can feel the back end fish tailing around, gravel from the parking lot flying everywhere, as the car turns towards the exit. Over the roar of the engine I can barely hear the ricochetting of the gravel off of everything, I can definitely see the effects of the flying gravel as various signs bounce back and forth, little plants that had grown tall were cut short and a squirrel takes one to the forehead . "Sorry!" I yell back as my hands fly around the steering wheel, hoping the car will hit the exit and not make one of its own, trying to steer the car in the right direction. That way!

Wooooo.......going to far one way. Need to go the other........too far go the other way. If I could, I would rub the raccoon tail for good luck and I am not making any euphemisms either. Don't have the time for euphemisms at the moment. Even my tail has strapped in and wishing and praying. "We will make it...." I say though gritted teeth as I make a donut in the parking lot, again not a euphemism, no time. Car spinning around in a circle, URP!  I wondered what the other side of the parking lot looked like and now I know and knowing is not keeping me from urping into a paper bag. "Hey birdie," I say as I spin around it, "you are pretty photogenic. You don't have a bad side on you."

My hands go flying in the opposite direction and I hope. Hope that the car decides not to roll and flip and roll more. While it sounds fun and all, the whole image of supporting the car with my head doesn't well feel good. It outweighs me by a little. Well okay a lot, a couple more zeroes different and if anyone says different I will do.....nothing!  Too busy with the car at the moment.

Again the car fishtails and now in the opposite direction, gravel again free of its earthly bounds. Maybe that is how gravel gets their wings. If you fishtail your car after doing a donut a gravel gets its wings. If that is how it works, a lot of gravel were getting their wings that day. They can thank me later if they like after I get off this demented fun house ride. If I am going to make another donut I am going to look at breakfast different from now on. URP!

I think I got it... I tell myself, slamming on the brake for just a minute for the car to slow down for a moment then slam on the gas and hold on. Boom! The car starts to skid just a little and using the little hood ornament on the grill to aim and fingers that it is aligned with the exit and go!

One moment I am here and the other moment I am over there. The wind ripping at anything it can get a hold of. If I look back I might be able to see my tummy running to catch up to me, run faster tummy I like you. You don't have any weird tastes and generally like things I like. Except for those one things, that we will talk about later I don't know why you like them with hot mustard that burns like lava.

Looking pass the steering wheel with my hands at ten and two, white knuckles and all. I can see the exit coming at me quickly and the tumbleweed grr...... Tauntingly waiting for me beyond.

I blink and find myself almost at the exit sign and get to "ex" as I try to read it. If I didn't blink again I might have gotten to the end and seen how.....well how it ends. *Hands on the steering wheel dismissive wave* That was a stupid thought.

This blink almost takes me to the end of the drive, in the right direction too. I would have been mad if I blinked and found myself heading back into the parking lot again. Only to repeat the whole donut thing again. That would have been urpable.

My brain and tail both loudly hint at me to make a course adjustment when tire hits asphalt. Both don't want me to keep going that way and out into the dessert, where the cacti roam oh and the coyotes too.

Making course adjustments captains.

I wrench the steering wheel so hard hat the car goes into a sideways skid. The air is quickly pushed into a wall and the car rocks once as the sideways momentum. The gas pedal goes down and the gears grind as the car rips reality and heads down the road in massive show of acceleration. Warp factor five.

Somewhere out in the dessert some poor unexpecting lizard is quickly looking around as it tries to figure out what is pushing invisibly across the dessert.

*****

The road looks different when you are rocketing down it chasing after a tumbleweed. Everything is a blur on either side and the wind is whipping through your hair. I could see the tumbleweed racing ahead of me as we flew down the road. Again a mystery on how the tumbleweed was managing to stay ahead of the car. For a brief moment I looked over the steering wheel at the speedometer and it was saying I was going fast. But the odometer, for an older car it has a lot of ometers, hand was firmly planted in the red.

Red is never good, bulls don't like it and usually machines go red before exploding. I really don't need the exploding thing either. I listened to the whine of the engine as I sat there trying to think. Little nasally I thought. Slowly the arm moved further and further into the red and I was starting to get scared, what would happen if it reached the end. For a brief minute I pictured an explosion, car parts flying all over and a monkey girl gets her wings. Eep! Don't want that, harps are hard on the fingers.

What to do? Buttons? Push, pull, twist and one goes flying off. I might need that for later I tell myself as the button goes and fwoom it disappears when it is caught by the wind. Levers then, that one is obviously the windshield wipers, since now they are going back and forth. This other one is a turn signal which on a straight away is useless. Especially on a deserted straight away on the middle of the desert. Little pull thingie on the side of the steering wheel which looks like it doesn't really do anything.

What is left? Radio is a no go but there is something called an eight track. I press the button on one side and out pops something the size of an engine. With one hand on the steering wheel I reach down and pick up this thing. I have heard rumors of eight tracks, thought they were an urban legend really. Who would make something that could only hold a couple songs? Have they never heard of CDs or MP3 players. Heavy too! Ergh!

I slip it back in to where it popped out from and I heard a loud thunk then hissing coming from the speakers. Did I release snakes or something, I ask myself. Looking around to see if there was anything with scales or whatever snakes have slithering around. A snake won't be my co-pilot. Ick and no.

Is this the best of Snake? All the songs sounding the same. Hhhhhhiiiiiisssssssss.

Maybe it one of those language learning eight tracks, how to hiss snake in five easy lessons.  You want to do what with what? Oh you need to hiss not hiss. You had the hissing wrong. Hiss hiss hiss hiss hiss. That is how you hiss that.

Then it starts, the wailing. I thought the hissing was bad, oh my monkey this sounded old. Like ancient old. No auto tuning or anything. There are actually words and a beat. No dirty words or anything. This can't be music. Is my ears bleeding? Someone tell me, are they? I didn't even think they had music back then, well what they called music. Just to late you know if it isn't auto tuned so everything sounds electronically perfect it isn't music, well that is what I hear.

I hear the clunk clunk and another song starts up. Oh my monkey it is like the first one but with different words. I can't take it! I let go of the steering wheel and grab the eight track and start to pull and yank. Come out..... Come out..... I keep pulling and nothing as the car continues down the highway. Singing or what someone called singing wailing throughout the desert like some banshee. The coyotes will start howling any moment now, I just know it. Ergh! Nothing,the eight track has a death grip or something. I might need the jaws of life to save myself.

Volume, that might work. Just have to find the knob and.....Quickly I sit down and look.... It couldn't be! Of all of the knobs it had to be that one that popped off and....it is probably back there still spinning around.

"Not fair", I growl as I grab a hold of the stick coming out from the floor. Kerchunk.,.. Suddenly the engine starts to whine louder. What did I do, I ask myself looking around, noticing how loose the stick is in my hands. What the? I push the stick forward and I am answered by a ketchunk. The car jerks, tail almost over the end. No...no...no and I pull the stick back hard.

Ketchunk and the sound of gears grinding fills the air. Followed by the car jumping forward with a mighty leap as the sound of the engine deepened. Gears, I forgot about those. I push the stick forward again but shove it to the right. The sound of the engine deepens more as the car starts to pick up speed. Ketchunk clunk.

I can feel the car hug the ground with this last clunk and boom. If there wasn't a sonic boom there should have been when I took off. BOOM! Screeching down the highway. Two black tracks and a puff of smoke left behind.

"Yeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.........."


((What better place to end it than a cowboy thingie with no lasso though. I tried... but kept finding myself hogtied.))

[Catherine]

In a move that was surprising and well not really possible, the tumbleweed turns ninety degrees and shoots out into the dessert. I sat there slack jawed for a moment as I watch it....watch it going one way and then be going in the another. Nothing man made could do that, well and be going that fast really. Almost like it was running along some grid or something. Zip and zip. No I am not going to make any movie references on this one, it is obvious which one I would do,

I keep track of it as it kicks up dessert, mouth open until I swallow a bug. Ptow! Gripping the steering wheel I yank it to the side and the whole car groans as tires grip the pavement.  Errrrrrrrrrrrrr........................ You know driving a car is a mixed bag when it is going sideways at a really high speed. No windshield to protect you from the wind. No engine in front of you to keep you from rolling over. Tires not going in the direction you are going. You know the little things, but hey the blinkers work.

The car threatens to flip when it comes to a stop, pointing in the right direction. I slam my feet down on the right pedals and grab the stick. KERCHUNK. KERCHUNK. GRIND. KERCHINK. The car lurches forward when I let go of the one pedal for a moment. I push it down again and KERCHUNK and let go. The engine roars and dust kicks up as I accelerate.

I can see the tumbleweed in the distance as it crests a hill. KERCHUNK! "You aren't loosing me", I growl as I edge the gas pedal closer to the floor. When I hit the top of the hill I go flying and I can see for miles and miles. Okay I can't really see for miles and miles, just to over there. Right pass the cacti and everything. The one that has the one arm that goes like this and this. Don't make me get out and point to it.

KERCHUNK! The car squeals when it hits the ground, bouncing a couple times before finally staying on the ground where it is safe. One time I thought it was going to try a flip and thankfully it decided it against it. But it was ready now and it let the tumbleweed now when it roared. Whoops that was me, foot slipped. It let the tumbleweed know by it kept on running.

Down into an old dry river bed we went, little pebbles being kicked up as we went. The tumbleweed tried to loose me by feinting going up the side and then grinding the edge for a while or doing some spinning trick at the lip of it. I kept the car in the center, where I wasn't tempted to try any tricks and kept track of the tumbleweed. I knew if it tried I could probably pull off a tony mctwist with a half nail biter into a backwards penny head while ridding goofy. A medal would have finally been rewarded, I just know it, even that one judge would have voted high. But I was on a mission so the trick and medal  earning would have to wait  for later. I could have so pulled it off.

Of course the boulders randomly placed throughout the riverbed was making it more exciting. Swerving to miss those was tricky, sometimes I was up on two wheels and not always the ones that were easy either. Thankfully my tail was helping me with balance, pushing back the back end when we were up on the front wheels for example.  Super cute monkey girl agility there.

Towards the end of the river bed, I rounded the boulder and the tumbleweed was near. I could almost smell it. Phew it needs to take a shower. A little closer, I told myself as I pressed the gas pedal down and.....

Suddenly from out of nowhere a turtle stepped out. It was to close, I couldn't  swerve to miss it so I had to run over it. Sorry little turtle. *wipe tear* One of the front tires of the car found the turtle and well.... The phrase stop, drop and roll can be used here. Terrapins and cars don't mix sometimes and that leads to me in extreme bouts of rolling and 'What the......."

I could hear the sound of crunching metal all around me as I rolled. None of it sounded good, especially me being in the middle of it. It felt like some deranged merry go round especially with the eight track mysteriously kicking back on.

Roll. Roll. Roll and many more.

When the rolling finally stopped I managed to pull myself free. Thankfully one of the rules of the cute and adorable had been enforced and I had no cuts and I think one little scratch on my elbow see. I think there is blo............... Thump!

((Dramatic ending well a passing out ending with a thump. Nail bitter maybe.... find out what happens after the thump next time.))

[Catherine]

Why can't I pass out and see cottonballs? Sweet soft cottonballs. Falling into them would be better, it always seems that I am falling into something hard. It isn't the fall that hurts, it is the hard surface at the end that hurts. Thump! Ow! Never ah..... This is soft so very soft.

There I was laying there, just minding my own business. Maybe getting a good tan too, I have to remember to flip over soon. Don't want to get burned. Red and blistery on one side and regular on the other. That cuts the cute and adorable in half. I would get the ahhhhhh she is so adoraaaaaaaaaa.......,,oh my monkey, what happened to you. Yeah no, I don't want that. Maybe on Halloween, go out as a crispy zombie. But not everyday.

I am not a zombiest either. One of my friends is a zombie I think. Her skin is pale and she groans a lot before she gets her cup of coffee in morning. If that doesn't say zombie I don't know what does. Honest monkey,  If you want to walk around all slack jawed and moaning to a different tune that is fine by me. Just try not to nom my brain, I only have one.

Where was I, oh yeah I was laying there in a moment of close eye when I felt something taping me. "Hello friend, you shouldn't be laying in the middle of the riverbed or close to a car."

"Yeah I know...." I say opening one eye and then the other. Squinting a little because of the sun wanting to sit perfectly behind the strangers head. It always seems like it is one part of the sky one moment and the next right behind whomever I am talking too.

Slowly I start to sit up, putting my hand in front of my eyes to shield them from the sun. I saw the stranger's toes at first, bare and hey I think that one has a hang nail. I start to look higher and see the bottom of monk robes, slightly worn but still in good shape.  Higher I go, hopefully not catching a peek of what is under the robes. A friendly monk face looks down with a smile. "Hello again friend."

What the? It can't be! How the? "It can't be, how did you get here so fast?" I ask standing up, dusting myself off.


*****

"It does not matter the how, it only matters that I am," the monk answered back,"now come before I pull your tail."

 Immediately my tail went into the defensive, swinging behind me to hide away from the monk's hands. For a moment, I thought I heard rattling come from it too,  like a rattlesnake. A rattlesnake! Quickly I look over both of my shoulders, need to do both to be safe, to see if there were any rattlesnakes hiding behind me. Even though their butts rattle, loose change maybe, they can be quite silent when they want and deadly when others don't want.  I look and see no snake looking things, wait a second there could be one..... No just a twig. *Whew* Did that other stick move? It looks sort of snakish in a snake sort of way. No.,,. Just my mind playing tricks on me that is all. But I might have to keep an eye on that one. *mental putting stick on the spot* 

"Just kidding..." The monk says laughing to himself, "now come before the river decides to fill." Motioning with his hand as he turned to walk away. The monk paused for a moment after taking a few steps,"Come monkey."

"Okay..."

Off we went, leaving the car behind and the tumbleweed getting away, I think. For a moment I spin to see if I can spot the tumbleweed anywhere. You know sneaking up like tumbleweeds do. In the back of my mind I can hear the shark music playing. Du....duh duh duh du......duh duh duh and on and on. It is out there watching I can feel its tumbleweed eyes watching. So I do what is the best in the situation and blow a general raspberry in all directions. Can't be too safe really, might miss the tumbleweed if I didn't scatter shot the raspberry.

"You shouldn't do that too much monkey," I heard the monk say pulling my attention back around.

"Why is that?"

The monk laughed for a moment before answering, "Two little words, dung beetles."

My tongue rolled back into my mouth so fast at the thought of a dung beetle on it. Ick! No. No. No. Dung + beetle + my tongue is not a equation I ever wanted to solve for. Ick!

I heard the monk laugh again as I spun back around,"What is worse is armadillos,"

"What?!?!" I say stumbling, imagining an armadillo sitting on my tongue just staring at me as my my tongue keeps its bottom moistened. I start to shake my head trying to get that image out of my head and it fought too. The image of the armadillo on my tongue held on to my brain for all it is worth. Finally though, its grip slipped and off it flew into the desert.

Again the monk laughed, "I was kidding, pulling your tail."

"Not fair....." I growled for a moment as I cleaned the imaginary taste of armadillo off my tongue. Yuck. Imaginary armadillo is the worse. The taste just lasts and lasts. No matter how much imaginary mouth wash I use it is still there. Yuck.

On we walked the lurking monk and myself, pass cacti and something that looked like one. For a desert it looked nice. The sand was organized and the cacti was dusted. Probably by the little owl sitting over there. No that is a something or another, I am talking about the owl on the cacti over there. The little one carrying a feather duster. You see it now? Yeah the one right there. Dusting away making sure the desert is clean.

"So......" I say, arms behind my back and tail bobbing up and down as I look around.

"I have a needle and thread if you need them," the monk replied stepping over a large rock.

"What?" Pausing to flip over a cattle skull,"Oh no, no cuts or tears. What I wanted to ask is how and why are you lurking out here."

The monk didn't bother stopping to answer, he just kept going and going, "Every place has a lurker and I needed to cover this place, while its lurker was on vacation. How? I just walked."

"Just walked?"

"Yeah down the mountain and to here," the monk nodded.

"But that is really far away and..." I look a down at my wrist, "not that long ago."

The monk paused for a moment on top of a boulder, "distance and time have no meaning to a lurker. We are just.....there."

"That really isn't an answer,"

For a moment, the monk stroked his chin. I so pictured in my mind a little green alien with big ears saying some backwards line. But all I got is "That is the answer that is given." Then he vanished out of site when he moved to the other side of the Boulder.

Running after him, I am stopped in the middle of what I am about to say when I see something that shouldn't be. Well it can be but not be here. It is hard to explain, it... *motioning to the unexpected thing* can be somewhere else and be perfectly fine. But here it shouldn't be, I mean look at it. A mound of snow in the middle of the here. It should be melting or something, but nothing. It is just sitting there like snow does enjoy it the sun.

"Okay how?" I say motioning towards the snow as the monk sat in front of a fire on the snow,  Rubbing his hands as he blowed into them, trying to keep them warm.

"What?"

"Snow. Here. How?" Asking as my feet crunched into the snow.

With a smile, the monk patted the snow. "Just because...."

I lift and hand to say something and I am stopped mid thought by the monk,  "That is the answer given. Now come join me by the fire."

((Ok....monk....desert.... It so sounds like the beginning of a ghost story. I was walking minding my business out in the middle of nowhere and this guy wearing robes appeared out of Yeah nowhere because he couldn’t appear out of somewhere since somewhere was not there since it was nowhere and no does not equal some. You don’t have to be good at math to figure that out. Anyways he invited me to sit with him by the fire and yeah um.... *shrug* it goes from there but you have to wait until next time to find out where but it won’t be nowhere. Well shoot I gave it away,))

[Catherine]

My mom and dad didn't raise a girl that had no manners so I accepted the monk's offer. Butt on cold snow in the middle of the hot desert. I just had to accept this I guess, the snow in the desert thing. Which I was fine with. Hey the stuff I had seen makes non melting snow nothing and really if you think about it, they can make chocolate not melt in your hands and only in your mouth. So non melting snow, fun! Snowball fights in middle of summer. Snowmen enjoying the beach. I hear the lemon snow takes a little off though.  Not that lemons taste good, I just hear lemon snow doesn't taste anywhere close.

"So what brings you out here?" The monk asks as he hands me a cup of tea. I nod thanking him, sipping it before I start to tell him what had happened since the mountain, I would repeat it here but that is a lot of words and I would think you are more interested in what is happening now. But if you must, this might hurt a little. Oh and if you start to get a tingling sensation in your toes, please let me know. It isn't bad, it is just....well let me know okay? *ninja art of telling a story without words* Okay you are now all caught up and you got the limited sighed edition too.
 
I take another sip of tea before I continue, telling the monk about the chupalupa & goatman and how I chased a tumbleweed out into the riverbed. Of course I told him my theory on tumbleweeds too.

The monkey nodded when I completed my story with "and then I blacked out."

"That is an interesting story and it sounds like you have been on an adventure."

"Yes," I say proudly,"the thing is, is that my car is wrecked so I am sort of stuck now"

The monk chuckled, " I think you will be surprised when you go back to the riverbed," nodding a little.

Slowly an eyebrow rises and my tail does the whole question mark thing, "Why would I be surprised?"

"I have learned, during my time here, that there is a very bored river spirit that likes getting her hands dirty. In fact she might already be looking at your car already."

"River spirit?"

"Yes what stories call a nixie I think. Since the river dried up, she had gotten bored."

"Um,,, Why doesn't she move to I guess somewhere wet?"

The monk turned in the direction of the river, well I am guessing towards the general direction of river, "She has her reasons, one being she Is stubborn and the other is she believes."

"Believes what?" I ask turning towards the direction of the river. Well back that way.

"Simply that the water will return."

"But it is dry,"

The monk turned back towards the fire, "Yes but there is always the possibility and she sees the possibility. You should know about possibilities monkey, especially with what you have experienced."

"Yeah," nodding,"So why take me away from the river?"

Chuckling the monk responded,"She likes to get dirty in private. Let's us enjoy the fire before we head back, to give her some time to enjoy herself."

"Sure..." I say before sipping the tea. Mmmm...... Herbal with a hint of mint.

******

The walk back to the river bed was nice, the monk and I talked here and there and over there too about things. I mentioned the tumbleweeds to him, how every place I have been and no matter how illogical it was, there was a tumbleweed. He couldn't explain it really, being a lurker of the great white and everything. If they were snowballs he could help but tumbleweeds,  he would be stretching and reaching for answers. Answers that might lead me in the wrong direction but he mentioned that maybe the nixie might know something.

"You think so?" I asked stepping over a sleeping scorpion. I hear they always wake up on the wrong side of the bed so..... Light step over and tip toe away leaving it to dream about whatever scorpions dream about.

"She might, her kind have been around since we'll forever. She is a spirit of the water, a stubborn one, an elemental in a way. Water has been around before everything you see and might be around after everything you have seen yet. In some way shape or form water has touched everything, so she might know." The monk paused,"If she doesn't, she might be able to point you in the right direction."

"That sounds good," I nod as my tail bobbed up and down, anxious to meet a nixie. "What is she like?"

The monk chuckled before he answered, "If I told you it would ruin your moment with her. Meeting something that only exists in tales shouldn't be ruined by loose lips. You should form your own opinion of her and well like water, she is always different. I have seen her well...I have seen and leave it at that."

In the blink of an eye we were there, well a long blink, at the hill above the riverbed
 Nothing exciting happened. Too keep myself busy I counted rocks? Who knew there was so many rocks in the desert. The monk stopped and pointed at the car which now stood up correctly like cars should, on their tires. "It looks like she found it, go on down and introduce yourself."

"Okay," I nervously replied,"Aren't you coming?"

The monk shook his head,"This is for you and not me. She won't bite."

"Okay, thank you for everything."

The monk nodded and smiled,"You are welcome, now go and say hi."

Quickly I turned and started to head towards the car, sliding down a loose section of the riverbank. For a moment I look back towards the monk and see nothing but desert. How the? Where did he go? I look around seeing no signs of the monk and I can hear the whistling of a spaghetti western in my head. Weird...

The closer I get to the car I start to see that parts have been taken off and a small set of light green legs dangling from the engine.

"Excuse me.." I call out and I hear "Give me a second," in reply.

((Time to meet a nixie. Well not now.... I mean come on if you meet her now you wouldn’t meet her later and then what would I post later? ))

[Catherine]

My tail swung back and forth trying to catch a glimpse of the nixie. Well more than a glimpse of her legs and back side. Okay yeah I was anxious to see what the rest of the nixie looked like, at this moment all I knew was that nixies had legs and that was about it. She would kick them out sometimes as she worked.

Every so often a nut or some other part would fly out quickly followed by some comment on how humans always over engineered everything or put something in just because they thought it made something look nice. That explained the small piles of parts that was accumulating all over. Kneeling down I picked up a spark plug. "Um...I think this is needed." The nixie didn't even bother to stop and look at what I was talking about before she answered,"Wrong!"

"But I am pretty sure it is. I have watched some car shows and they always mention spark plugs."

I heard the nixie chuckle to herself,"Wrong!"

"But I....." I started to say, stopping when the pixie quickly flipped around and sat a top of the engine, her feet kicking freely in the air. Her stare froze me for a moment, it was like staring at two dark green jelly beans. No white of the eyes, no pupils or irises. Just a solid dark green. I could see a small smirk starting to form as she sat there, "I have taken enough of these things,"patting the engine with the bottom of one of her feet,"too know that, that is useless. No rhyme or reason other than to plug a hole. Which didn't need to be there either."

I was just about to say something, about being pretty sure the spark plug was needed when the nixie stuck her hand up, "Stop, It isn't needed. In fact," the nixie paused to wipe her face with the back of one of her hands leaving a streak of oil and grease across her face,"as you can tell," motioning with a hand towards the ground,"there is a lot that isn't necessary. Honestly I think some coyote spirit whispered into the engineers' ears or something. Tricked them into believing that half of this junk is necessary." She reached down out of sight and pulled up a bolt and shook it at me,"Do you know what this does?"

"Well...." I started to say trying to think of an answer,"if I had to guess it was to keep something bolted to something else." *mental hand to face for that answer,*

The nixie just laughed and tossed the bolt over her shoulder,"You would think so, but a all it was doing was filling a hole. Not a hole that goes anywhere or does anything just a hole. Put there by a engineer to probably make the engine look more powerful. It doesn't work that way." I would say quickly but I didn't see any movement, one moment the nixie was sitting down with her feet dangling down off the engine and the next she was strolling down the engine.

You are probably wondering the whole strolling thing aren't you? Okay maybe I should describe the nixie too you. Picture in your mind a girl with light green tinted skin, of course the dark green eyes that I have already described. Her hair is long, pulled back in a pony tail. Brown roots that quickly change to a surprise green. A slight slender build made for slipping through the water effortlessly. It looked like she was wearing, whole ridden worn jeans, a red handkerchief stuffed into the right rear pocket and what looked like a very stained white if you can still call it that white bowling shirt. Nothing off there right? Right.... Now take the girl and shrink her to about the size of your hand in height and you can now imagine what I was seeing. Just have to warn you, I think if you call her in any combination of the words 'bell' and 'tinker', you might find yourself with a tiny hand imprint on your cheek as your head spins around.

I watched as she strolled from one engine part, I would say what it is but I don't know what it is. All I can tell you it is metal and sort of shaped like this and a little like that with a hole. Then hopped to another, again metal, to another then hopped up on the little bit if hood between well the hood and window spun and sat down. Folding one leg under while letting the  other fall down into the engine compartment to swing freely.

"This old girl has been fun to work on, they don't make them like this anymore." Nodding  a little as she patted the car,"Nowadays they are all plastic and computers, taking all of the heart out of car. Then you have the ones with lights under the car, why?  Just a waste. The cars don't even want that stuff, it weakens their dragon. Not this old girl, she is ready to roar!"

Out of nowhere, I watch the nixie pull out a toothpick and stick it in her mouth. "That is what so good with the older ones. They might be older but they are strong. Built to last. Yeah I had to hammer out some dings and take out all of art sculptures in the engine and everything. But she will roar when you turn the keys. Isn't that right girl?"

I waited for a moment just to see, see if the car would respond but all there was, was silence. "Thank you for fixing the car....." I ask as I give the nixie a look that says please continue.

****

"No problem. I like getting my fingers dirty," the nixie said kicking her leg up a rubber ring swinging from it. "Like I said I like working on the older girls. Always fun to get them up and running again and hear their hearts roar." 

I watched as she nodded happily as if she was agreeing with herself. Stopping for a moment to wipe her nose with the back of her arm. "There a few I won't touch though, Gremlins and Pacers. Little boxes on wheels to be honest. Now...." the little nixie's eyes light up,"the rods, those are the fun toys to work on. Simple but proud. I will tell you this, when one of those wakes up the sun shines a little brighter and the night is a little darker."

Without pause the nixie grabbed a hold of the edge of the hood and just sort of did some gymnastic sort of thing. Hands down on bare metal she flipped up and over to end up laying down on the engine itself. All in one graceful move, like watching water. "Just laying here, I can feel the power in this girl. Wanting to get out. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr" the nixie shivered as she grrrrr'd rolling over onto her stomach, kicking one of her legs behind her slowly as she put her hands under her head. "You are a lucky girl to have a girl like this.." pausing to swipe at a loose nut that was sitting there,"nothing plastic and fake here oh no. "

It felt wrong in a way to stand there watching the nixie, I could tell she loved the car By the way she acted. Rolling around every so often and not caring if she got covered in grease or dirt. Slowly she lifted an arm and pointed a hand in a casual way towards the side of the car,"I hope you don't mind..."

"Mind?" I asked back as my tail scratched the top of my head, trying to figure out what I shouldn't mind. Looking I dud anything strange, the car was in one piece and didn't look odd.

"Yeah.... I couldn't help myself when I started working on this girl. Just had to leave my mark."

Confused I got up to look for a mark, "Mark? What mark?"

The nixie laughed and lazily rolled off the engine catching herself on one of pipes coming out of it. "Can't miss it, I signed it right in front of the door hinge, really big and in white."

I looked again, nothing really big or anything that would stick out. Then I saw it, at first I thought it was the light catching a ding or scratch, but getting closer I could see the flourishes and flowing curves starting to show. I knelt down closer and felt something suddenly land on my shoulder,"Yeah, see.....I tried to put it in a place where others might see it but not stick out. Some get really fancy when they sign a car. I think that just steals from the dragon. A simple signature is all that is needed."

Closer and closer and suddenly BING the little nixie's signature was readable.. For not trying to be fancy it was fancy. Calligraphers would be jealous on how beautiful it was, I even started to tear up. *Sniff*

W.......I........N.........N.........I........E

"Your name is Winnie?" turning my head a little to ask the nixie face to face sort of in a way. Winnie nodded and as did another gymnastic move and rolled over my shoulder and slipped into the front of the seat of the car. Landing perfectly on her feet.

"Yes it is," Winnie answer as she walked across the set like some tightrope walker and spun around to look at me as she slowly curtsied, sniffing a little as she paused before rising. "Even the smell is perfect. So what is the owner's name of this old girl?"

I take a step closer and put my arms on the top of the dude of the car, lowering my head so it rested on my arms, "My name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call my monkey." Pointing back to my tail that was in the middle of taking a bow.

"So what brings you out here, Nichole Anne Marie Smith," pausing to takes if again, "So good. I mean monkey."

For a moment I hesitated, trying to find the right words well really word and there was only one word really,"Tumbleweeds." *exhale* "I keep seeing them all over place and I shouldn't be."

Winnie was right in the middle of another sniff when I said the one word and she just stopped. "That would be the witch," Winnie said as she turned towards me, hands on her hips. "For some reason she decided that tumbleweeds would be her eyes and ears. Don't ask me why though. They sort of stand out anywhere other than the desert."

Quickly she spun and pointed that way, "She is that way the last time I saw her,  living in a big shiny mobile home that looks like a giant Twinkie. You can't miss it really. In fact she probably has the inflatable palm trees out wrapped in Christmas lights and everything right about now." The sound of a bubbling brook filled the air as Winnie laughed,"Probably out trying to get a sun tan too knowing her. You should drop in on her and ask her what is up with the tumbleweeds."

"I think I will...."

*****

"Want to go along?" I ask Winnie as I jump into the car and pull the seat belt across.

"Can't," the nixie replied,"need to stay in the river bed. If I leave it well the hounds will be after me."

"Hounds?"

"Yeah, nasty li...well big things. Dark as midnight with red glowing eyes. No way to escape them, their noses are actually more powerful than a regular dogs." Winnie answered as she started to get out."Will hunt me down and I get slobber covered when they take me back to the river. It happened once and I didn't enjoy being a chew toy."

"That sucks...." BOINK! *The sound of an idea bulb forming over my head. Before anyone asks yes it meets all federal regulations* With a smile I reach over to Winnie, carefully grab her and put her in my lap "You know what, this is a pretty big riverbed and everything. Don't you want to do a test drive just to make sure everything is running smoothly?"

I didn't need to see the smile forming on Winnie's face to know the offer made her happy. Quickly she scooted up closer to the steering wheel and took a hold of it with both hands, not in the ten and two position just in case you wanted to know. "Let's see what the old girl can do," Winnie growled.

Smiling I reached up and turned the key. Instantly the hotrod came too life. The engine didn't sputter or cough, it roared! I thought it was..*ninja art of the made up word * roary before. That was nothing, not even close oh no. Now it was more guttural with a big side of attitude. All around me I could see smaller and even some of the larger rocks starting to bounce. When I pushed down the gas pedal down just a little the engine growled even louder and i could feel it in my bones. That was just the whatever effects, there was an exciting visual display too. Fire and smoke of the extreme kind shot out of the pipes from either side of the engine and I could hear Winnie say something about the dragon having her breath and giggling to herself.

Sitting there I could feel the power coming from the engine and the force it was creating. The vulture that was flying overhead felt the force too when I turned the rod on. With the pipes pointing up and the whole wrong place at the wrong time thing happening. It might be hitting the surface of the moon any moment now, a little no a lot surprised and holding its breath.

"Are you ready?" I ask Winnie and she just nods and grins. "Three," I grab the stick,"Two," I push down the pedal," and one!"

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

BOOM!!!!!!

The engine roars loud and we just don't take off we explode from sitting there to going fast, well faster than fast. There is fast and then there was what we were doing.

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

For a moment the engine whines as I change gears then quickly deepens. I can feel the car lowering to the ground trying to become more streamlined, faster. Everything is starting to become a blur now as we pass things.

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

Again the engine whines as I change gears, the speedometer kicking to the right for just a second. The pull of the engine gets stronger and we lurch forward. If something wasn't a blur before, when it passed, it is now and all I can hear over the roar of the engine is Winnie laughing.

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

I can feel the car drop just a little as the engine roars louder. In my mind I can imagine hotrodders around the world looking to the sky knowing what the sound is as a tear rolls down their cheeks. When asked what the sound is or why they are crying, they would answer it is the sound of an fallen angel laughing and that they have sand in their eyes.

Down the river bed we tore in a blur and if you just happens to be on the bank of the riverbed and blinked you might have missed use as we shot by. "Brakes now and shift down!" I heard Winnie say as she wrenched the wheel to the right. Instantly the car spun and Winnie laughed as the car spun and spun doing a donuts in one spot. The last time I did a donut it was by accident and it was urpable, this time it was fun. Around and around we spun, the continual donut, leaving clear black marks on the ground as we did.

"Gas now!" Winnie shouted back to me as she wrenched the steering wheel the other direction sending us back up  the riverbed. Sending a small tornado in the opposite direction, you know because of the continual donut. Physics or something people, a car spinning and spinning at that speed will eventually create a tornado. I think Einstein stated that, now I can't prove that or anything but look behind the car, a tornado going that way, so the continual donut forming a tornado theory has now been formed just like the tornado,

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

Back up the riverbed we shot, Winnie laughing all the way and this went on for hours. Back and forth down the riverbed doing all kinds of tricks. The one time we traveled the whole distance on just two wheels and I nearly thought we lost it a couple times and we went back up the riverbed on the other two wheels. Winnie said it was because she wanted to make sure all of the tires were worn exactly the same but I knew the truth and the truth was called 'fun'.

"I want to try one more thing and open the girl up."

"Okay???" I said questionably.

"Gas pedal to the floor," Winnie said as she pointed the car back down the riverbed. I did what she wanted and instantly we shot straight down the riverbed. All of the chains were broken and the dragon was released, the engine roared louder than it ever did and we hugged the ground closer than before.  I blinked and we were hundreds of feet from where we were pre blink and going faster.

Suddenly there was a KRAKA BOOM and I could feel the car rock for just a second as we continued down the riverbed. "Oh yeah we buried the needle and then some," I heard Winnie laugh.

"What just happened? Did we just? I didn't think that was possible on the ground?"

"Oh it is possible," Winnie replied as she held onto the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white. "Oh and you might want to slam on the brakes now or we will shoot off into the ocean."

"Wait, what? Ocean? I didn't bring my bathing suit!" I slam a foot down so hard the pedal hits the floor board and we skid for what feels like miles coming to a stop. The car rocking back and forth when it does.

"That was awesome, I knew she had it in her," Winnie's said standing up as I looked back over my shoulder to see the twin black skid marks leading off into the distance. Without pause she hugged my face and did some acrobatic move out of the car, "Thank you monkey for the fun. Now the witch is that way," she said pointing into the distance.

I pull myself up a little to look over the door to see Winnie, "How are you going to get back home?"  She laughed, "This riverbed is my home so don't worry. Go find out about your tumbleweed problem."

I settled back down into the seat,"Okay, be safe Winnie."

"You too Monkey." I heard Winnie answer back as I started to head in the direction she pointed.

((Witches in the desert..... at least they don’t have to worry about water being splashed on them but they must be all stinky from sweating. Find out how to prevent that next time.))

[Catherine]

You know what will be more dramatic? A far out shot, so let's pull the camera out so you can barely see the car. But you can hear the car's roar from even way over there. Kind of hard to miss it really. ROAR GRRRR................ Cacti are swaying and rocks are jumping like jumping beans. What is that, you might ask. Looking off into the distance, you can see twin plums of desert stuff shooting up into the air. Higher and higher they go as the roar get louder, if that is possible.

You see a shiny starburst effect for a moment as the sun catches the grill. Then VOOM I shoot right pass you. The wind from my passing pulling on your clothes, oh please say that you have clothes on. Don't be naked out in the desert please. You can get a sunburn all over and tumbleweeds might poke you and sand might get in areas and do the sandpaper things on other parts. Then don't even get me started on scorpions, those confused little things. They look sort of  like lobsters but they aren't and they like to poke things with their tails. Maybe to remind others that they are there maybe. * poke poke * "I am here..... Why are falling down?" Maybe they like poking things going "Hey," then  playing dumb by just looking around.

Now you can focus the camera on me, the dramatic thing is done. Hands on the steering wheel in the proper positions, ten and two & my tail wearing its googles as it quickly bobs back and forth in the wind.  The lone figure passed in the desert is quickly disappearing behind me, getting smaller and smaller as I race away from it. For a moment I wonder who I just passed in the middle of nowhere, a strange stranger out for a walk in the middle of a desert. You know, "Just out for a stroll" sort of thing. Looking into the rear view mirror I can see something or someone back there, maybe they are waving and maybe it is a cactus. They always look like they are waving or temporary frozen in a dance move. Can never tell with cacti.

Far off in the distance I see a glint of light coming from something and if Winnie was right it would be only one thing, the witch's giant metal Twinkie. There I would find out why I have been seeing all of those tumbleweeds. Slowly I turn the steering wheel and the car is soon pointing towards the glinting thing. "Time to find out some answers," I say, drowned out by the roar of the engine as I press down on the gas pedal and the car accelerates, fire and smoke erupting from its pipes.


((Doing a little set up for the witch. You can’t just say “Look a witch” and not expect people to scream, witches to be dunk in cold rivers and something with ducks and wood.))

[Catherine]

On and on I went, desert plumes to either side of me as whatever the shiny thing was came closer and closer. I was focused and had questions needing answered and hopefully the shiny thing held the answers that I needed and not ones that I didn't. You know sometimes you get to a place and find out the person you are looking for is over at another shiny thing. Grrrr.....

In moments, I could see the definite form of a large shiny Twinkie slowly taking shape as I got closer and closer. Then the tall tale silhouettes of inflatable palm trees slowly revealed themselves in the desert heat. Sort of hard to miss really, they don't look like cacti you know. What with the leaves and the sometimes relaxed lean to the side.

Blinking, something I forgot to do as I ripped across the desert and is not good to miss, I could see it better now. The oasis in the middle of nowhere, well an oasis without water but still an oasis. Some oasis's lack in the water department but really it not their fault, they are trying. It is just that the water is particular sometimes and doesn't like to be seen in some oasis's, I guess it is a whole reputation thing maybe. 

Honestly I didn't bother slowing down, letting the engine roar until the last second when I wrenched it to the side. Brakes squealing as the car skidded sideways kicking desert stuff up into the air as it came to a stop. Leaving definite marks on the ground, sort of like a 'I have been here' signature. As desert stuff ran back down covering the inflatable palm trees and other things with a fine layer of desert stuff I waited, no need to get dirty really. That and I heard coughing, I don't want to get sick.

Slowly I let go of the steering wheel, placing a hand on the door jamb to hop out. Another perfect landing and the crowd goes wild, I tell myself when my feet hit the ground. One arm swings out as the other crosses my body, bowing full tilt. I was always told if you bow make it a good one and nothing blah. So I do a bow with a flourish and a thank you thank you.

Deep into the bow I heard girl, a girl who didn't sound to happy. "What was that all about?"

Quickly I looked up to see a girl sitting there dusting the desert stuff of her face with a hand as she sat there. Her skin was the color of sand, her long straight hair was too and strangely so was her bathing suit. Maybe she liked the color desert. *mental note look up desert in crayons and see what it looks like just to make sure.*

Quickly she stood, desert stuff falling off of her as she stamped a foot. "What was that all about?" she repeated angrily motioning to all of the desert stuff covering everything,  her eyes starting  to glow a bright red.

"I am a looking for the witch, Felicia Hextus."

"Well you found her," the girl responded, her long blonde hair finally revealing itself from under the desert color.

"What?" I start to laugh,"You aren't Felicia, she is a witch and really powerful."

"I am her!" The girl growled stamping her foot, knocking more desert stuff off of herself.

"Nope..."

With another stomping of her foot the girl yelled "Yes! I will show you." She brought a hand up and snapped her fingers. Suddenly the little girl was gone replaced with a woman in a string  bikini. The woman snapped her fingers and she was gone, replaced by a cat. Who snapped its fingers, don't ask me how though I am not really sure. I didn't think they had fingers. To be replaced by a mirror copy of myself, who snapped her fingers to be replaced by the girl again. "See I told you I am Felicia Hextus," she laughed.

"No....no......no..." I replied, shaking my head,"that was done with smoke and mirrors. I can even see the strings." *Pointing to a spot somewhere to prove and not prove.*  I watched as the girl turned her around to look at where I was pointing, "I don't see any strings." Everything got real quiet when she quickly turned and glared at me as a little storm cloud formed over her head. From here I could see the cloud flash as tiny lightening bolts shot down and was that a little kite floating above the girl's head? The silence was shattered by a roll of thunder coming from the storm cloud. KRACKABOOM!

"I am not happy," the girl growled as lifted a hand,"you won't like me when I am angry."

Yeah I should have held back the laugh and witty remark, come to think of it. "What do you turn green and want to smash things?"

The girl screamed for a moment,"Nnnnnnnooooooooo!!!!!!!!"

Yeah I realized I shouldn't have said that when I saw the ball of energy starting to form in the girl's hand. Ummmm..... Can I retcon  and take it back? No, it is already in words and everything, ok fine.  But I offered, remember that later if there is a later. Eep!


*******


I watched as the ball of energy came flying towards me. Flashbacks of watching some japanasse cartoon, what was it again?  lizardorb  S or something followed by memories of watching people playing avenue fisticuffs appearing in my mind.

The ball of energy flew by harmlessly, other than making every hair on my body stand  up, which is annoying. POOF! I could hear the witch laughing already as I got my brush out and started fixing, "Not funny," I growled.

"Yes it is," the witch laughed as another ball of energy quickly formed and came hurdling towards me. This time I dove and rolled. No near misses for this girl. Learn from your mistake, especially when it concerns static electricity or something and hair.

"Is that the only thing you can do? PCHOW! PCHOW!," Doing a  finger gun in the air"  Energy ball"

"No!"  the witch yelled as twin snowballs quickly formed to either side of her head. "I hope you like slushies," she said with a smile as both came hurdling towards me. I dodged one of them but the second had a spin on it that made it act like a boomerang. I was standing there mocking the witch on her aim and suddenly there was a SPLAT on the back of my head which sent me reeling forwards. Oh I have a math equation for you, Surprise impact plus back of head equals bite tongue. Ow!

For a step or two I stumbled, laughter filling the air until I caught myself. When I looked up I found the butt or something end of a snowball flying towards me. SPLAT! Right in the face, forcing me to fall backwards onto my butt,  thankfully my tail rolled out of the way so she wasn't hurt. 

With a hand I wiped the snow away from my face as I started to get up, the witch standing there proudly, "It looks like I can do more than energy balls doesn't it?"

"Yes it does," I answer back, flipping a little bit of snow off of my nose.

Suddenly the witch threw up her hands, almost like she was scared. "Oh no look out behind you!"

Quickly I turned to see what was scaring the witch and SPLAT! Knocking me off my feet and back onto the ground. Well I was on the ground, you know on my feet but now I was back on my butt.

What in the world just hit me, I asked myself as I laid there slightly stunned. The witch had been throwing snowballs and whatever just hit me felt bigger than a ball.  It was about this by this by this. I did some rough jumbled calculations in my head, bringing up charts and everything. By my rough estimates, I just got hit by.......let me check the charts. Not a ball and not an ice planet where guys with glow sticks cut open llama thingies so they can live in them. URP! I don't know where they even would come up with living in a llama thingie. It isn't my first choice and not even my last, it isn't even on my list.  I mean you would have to....then do.....followed by scooping....don't even mention that you......a little under the nose. Looking at the charts it looks like I got hit by a.... snowman's butt!

Oh my monkey! I shot straight up. Ick! Snow falling off of me making little snow piles as I brushed the snow off of the shoulders and my tail brushed it off itself. I could see the witch standing there smiling, happy with making a snow monkey girl.

"Two can play that game," I grinned a grin that said so much but said nothing.

A questioning look appeared on the witches' face "Oh really? Do you know magic?"

"Nope, but I know..."


((Find our what monkey knows next time. Dramatic pause))

[Catherine]

I can feel the cold whip pass my face as the snowball whizzes by straight on target. Arming snowball bay one and fire! The look of surprise on the witches face right before the snowball hit was so selfie good. "Oh...." Look of surprise *no...." Face going splat! I so should have pulled out my phone, could have posted it on the web and everything. It would have been viewed millions of times, liked, tweeted, put to music, auto-tuned, photoshopped and everything else. I might have been asked what inspired me to take the photo too. I would say the impact inspired me. It spoke of anguish, of love, of fighting against that what beats you down. *mental giggle * Who am I kidding, I took them because they were fun. The kerpow expression on the witches face would have made milk shoot of my nose if I was drinking milk.

There I stood and there the witch stood, enjoying the taste of snow. "I told you..." I sung out, turning around and tapping my butt as my tail bobbed up and down joyfully. This sound of hissing pulled me from the tapping, looking back I could see the snow melting  and quickly turning  to steam. The witches eyes burning a bright red.

Out of nowhere mini meteors shot towards me. ZIP ZIP ZIP ZIP ZIP. I go all bullet time on them and showed the meteors who is boss. Dodging one after another after another. Am I in the Matrix? No, I am in the middle of the desert standing next to a giant metal Twinkie.

Another batch of mini meteors came flying toward me and I cartwheeled out of the way. I looked back as I rotated and could see that the meteors would have hurt bad, especially the one that would have hit me in the forehead, that would have slowed me down for a while, trying to brush away the stars and birds flying around my head.

As soon as I land I flip backwards, crouching in a low stance. My tail ready and waiting, prepared to go this way when I go that way. I take a deep breath and wait, not holding my breath since I don't know what or when something is going to happen. Don't want  to end up face first on the ground. No THUMP!

I didn't have to wait long though, suddenly a large light brown snowball looking thing erupted from the ground in front of the witch and launched itself towards me. Quickly I sprung to the side and sat there in a one handed hand stand waiting for the next move.

Sitting there, upside down, the air around me started to tingle like I was standing in the middle of a electric storm or I have my hand in one of those big metal balls that do the lightening. I could feel the hair all over my body begin to stand up. What was going to happen, I ask myself when suddenly a little brown ball floated in front of me, then another and another and another.

What the? What is happening? I tried swatting at the little brown balls only for them to move out of the way. What? I swiped again with my free hand and even my tail got into the action. Nothing was working. The little balls dodged and swerved everything.

"Get away! Get away! Get away!" "

The witches' laughter filled the air,"Dust Bunnies of the Apocalypse!" Suddenly everything went dark and I started to feel dirty. Keep mouth closed. Close ears. Don't open eyes. "mmpphhh mpppppphhhhh mmmmmppphh."

I fell to the ground as the laughter continues. 

*****


I struggled trying to get the dust bunnies off of me,  but they had a grip on me that said we aren't letting go. Everywhere I rolled there they were hugging me., invading my personal space. Being suffocated by dust bunnies wasn't on my bucket list, let me check. No..,no....no...finding out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop...no...no......no.....ride a merry-go-round until I URP so yeah no suffocation by dust bunnies.

So I did what I remember in case of dust bunnies, stop....drop and roll. But these little guys were holding on for dear life and I think having fun, dId I just hear cheering and the chanting of "more...more....more..."

Whoever heard of death by dust bunny? I mean death by chocolate yes but not by bunny. Oh by the way that is delicious, the chocolate one not the bunny one. I needed to do something, the bunnies were getting a little to personal and the rolling wasn't doing anything. Too repetitive maybe and the dust bunnies could compensate, you know hold tighter on one part and everything. I mean if you roll one way you will have to roll the other, common knowledge really so let's try.....

So up I sprang, then over into a cartwheel and into some acrobatics. Flipping and spinning and twirling and even popping and locking. Everything and anything my body could do and some that I didn't know it could do. I mean that one move I did was awesome, I wish I could have seen it. But yeah the whole covered in dust bunnies prevented that.

So I continued, jumping over a lawn chair, spinning like a top around an inflatable tree, flipping off the metal Twinkie. Ever so often a dust bunny would fly off. So up I jump and landed on my butt, my tail quickly shifting into a better position. Mentally I pull the ripcord and I spin. Not just spin I mean really spin. Like a boat propellor or something similar. 

The world is blur to me of course I can't see anything so I am guessing really. But I can feel the pull if the wind as I keep spinning. Over the sound of the spinning monkey girl, I could hear the laughter slowly  start to die down.

I could feel the feeling of dirtiness start to disappear and I spin like some crazed ballerina. Dust  bunnies flying off me of her with every passing moment  Come on...

From spin to flips and cartwheels across the well you know. I am going over there. One last....[/I. I hand and turn away from the witch. Time to show her how magic works. So I turn and start to yell. Hey it worked on anime!

"Here it comes," I growl as I bring my hands around in front of or is it behind me. "Well let's go...ahhhhhhhhh!"

From where the witch was standing I would imagine it looked all like I was powering up or something, just like they do in the lizard orb's cartoon. I could never figure out why others in that didn't realize what was happening when someone was screaming. It wasn't because they were scared or mad, it was because they were powering up. I would think that would be a clear sign to poke the other person with something pointy or something else to stop the screaming. They always looked surprised too, even if they just did the same thing just moments before. Like "oh no they can scream to, so they can power up."

Of course at the same time my tail was holding a flash light up, quickly flicking it on and off, getting a cool strobe light effect. The witch was probably amazed, especially when the sparkles hit the hair catching the flashing light. Any moment now my hair would fly straight up and go blonde, ultimate super monkey girl mode! Wacha! Should I do the poorly dubbed, mouth doesn't match what I am saying thing too, that could freak out the witch even more.

I could see the 'Oh! Oh!' look on the witches' face as my lips started to move and then my voice played catch up. "You dust bunnied the last person witch! Super A-one awesome unregretably powerful extremely flashy and awe inspiring hyper monkey girl energy ball of kerpow!!!!!!!!"

The witch closed her eyes more and more with each word preparing for my attack, no one could defend themselves from a attack with that many words in it and she knew that. Slowly I swung my hands around to release the no energy I was building up, "Prepare to go to the light!!"

I could see the witch had her eyes closed so shut it was funny, any more shut and they would be open. Monkey quiet I snuck up, so quiet even ninjas would be jealous. The witch was ready for the never coming inevitable. Slowly I reached out with one hand and touched the tip of the witches nose.

"Boop!"

((Ending with a boop. The best type of ending until next time. Okay not really... a banana milkshake ending would have been so much better. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

Slowly the witch starts to open her eyes, one at a time, as I stand there with a finger on her nose. Please don't have allergies or a runny nose. I don't want an icky finger. "Hello..."

"Hello," the witch answered back as she stood there, my finger still on her nose,"so...." I watch as she looks down at my finger, you know the one on her nose.

I laugh as I pull my finger away from the witches' nose,  Ick free by the way."You were close, that attack usually flattens everything for miles no matter what. I have seen it drop a Mastodon once. One moment it was there and the next cooked mastodon burgers were falling from the sky," I say trying to sound serious. Since really all I did was boop her nose, the only way I would have hurt her was if I had a hang nail and I take care of my nails so......that won't be happening.

"Good..." The witch replied quickly glancing at my finger and for a moment I flex it to just tease her. Smiling just a little when I see her flinch.  Without taking her eyes away from me, the witch takes a couple steps backwards and puts one of her hands on a lawn chair. "So...yeah, why did you come here for? I mean I am in the middle of nowhere and you can out of nowhere throwing up dirt everywhere."

A hand goes to the back of my neck as I start to rub it, "Sorry about getting you all dirty and everything. The old girl has a little....no a lot of power and well I was excited so errrrr, dirt thrown up and Whalaah!" The whole time I imitate shooting across the desert, sliding to a stop which is followed by the Whalaah move, hands out and everything.

"Yeah I know you are here," the witch answered, "but why?"  I thought for a moment,"Before I tell you, can you tell me your name so I don't start calling you witch. I know some people like that kind of stuff, but it doesn't look like you are one of those people."

"No I am not," the witch said shaking her head,"I am Felicia Hextus, that is with a 'T'. Some drop that and I am not sure why and you are?"

I curtsy just a little as I answer, "I am Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me 'Monkey' for obvious reasons." Motioning to my tail who just happens to pop up at that moment to wave at Felicia, which makes her giggle.

"That looks like fun," Felicia says snapping her fingers. Instantly a tail matching mine appears behind her swaying side to side. It pauses for a moment then slowly turns towards me, almost like it is peeking around Felicia's body and waves at me. I do the only thing that makes sense at the moment, I  giggle, "That is cute."

"So.....what brought you here?"

"Oh yeah. I had a question on all of the tumbleweeds that I have been seeing and I hear you have the answers."

Felicia starts to nod,"Yes I do," she motions to another lawn chair,"Care to sit while I tell you?"

With a smile I answer I would love to as I head towards the lawn chair. Carefully sitting so  my tail didn't get stuck. Once your tail gets stuck in a lawn chair, specifically ones that have straps, it takes a tail-o-octopy to get free and I am sort of attached to my tail. Ankles crossed I swing my legs back and forth waiting for Felicia to start.


******

"Okay, where should I start..." Felicia said as she slipped on a pair of mirrored sunglasses,"probably would be best back at witches school. Which isn't like pigdimples or whatever that school is called in those books. You know the one with the boy with the zig zag on his head. Which I think he got when a paper airplane hit his forehead to be honest.

Anyways in school there was a class on familiars, which everyone knows is the witches assistant. Some are just plain moochers, just laying about saying or thinking the first thing that comes to mind. One had their witch stacking Oreos thinking it would give her more power if it got up high enough. Every time the witch went to get more cookies the familiar snagged some of the cookies so the stack never got to this make believe height. The familiar got fat and I don't think the witch ever caught on, in fact if you look somewhere in that direction you might see the stack." Felicia lazily pointed behind her somewhere and for a brief moment I swore I saw a line up in the sky.

"Anyways most of the witches got your standard cat, raven. frog, snake and whatever else. Which is nice and everything but so dated and last years fashion. How can it be stylish if it isn't original and I wanted something unique. Something that says wart free. Something that says my master won't melt with water. Something that says doesn't like to be crushed under falling houses. I don't want to be another story, I am Felicia Hextus not another floor. Anyways I wrapped my brain around it for days, weeks even. Looking in witches fashion magazines and everything. The same old same old. You know what they say is the in familiar for this year is?"

My head does the left to right and back to left movement for a moment, "No..."

Quickly Felicia bolts up and looks at me, "A lemming. A furry little lemming. Those things run off cliffs for fun and without a parachute. They call them...." She pauses for a moment snapping her fingers and POOF a magazine appears in front of her floating,"they call them the extreme familiar because of that. It isn't extreme at all, they jump off and fall to their death. Once and done. Kersplat! That isn't extreme that is stupidity. Unless you are a witch that likes falling, followed by the sudden stop, the lemming isn't for you." Felicia points to a part on one of the pages, which I can't see since I can't see it,"Their stats aren't any good either. The only thing a witch could use them for is either a doorstop of furry paper weight."

With a snap the magazine disappeared and Felicia settled back,"After a while of not finding anything I thought I had to toe the line but then I saw a nature program, 'Run they are coming! When tumbleweeds attack' I think. Sitting there watching it and seeing how truly powerful a tumbleweed it was amazing. You know they can heal themselves and multiply because they are good at math. When I announced I was going to have a tumbleweed as a familiar the other students laughed and the professors said it couldn't be done. Having an inanimate object as a familiar was stupid they said. It added nothing to the relationship they said. It stays dry in milk, they said. I proved them wrong though, well other than the stays dry in milk thing and had a tumbleweed by my side. Still they mocked me, having s ball of dried grass as a familiar was worthless but when it came to the familiar trials they learned, they all learned the power of the tumbleweed. If only they had watched the show that I did, they would have known better and be saved from the beating that their familiars had gotten."

Felicia paused for a moment to spritz herself as her tail fanned her,"As I went through class after class after class  I got more powerful, which makes sense really since most of the students did, so my bond with tumbleweeds grew and unlike the others who had only one familiar, I had more which grew every day. Now I think I am bound to all of them, except for that one in the Sahara desert who is being rebellious."

SPRITZ!

"So that answers your question?"

"Yeah, but why are they all over?"

((Now it is getting to the good part.... Tumbleweeds!!!!))

[Catherine]

"Yes why are they all over," Felicia repeated, picking up a glass then taking a sip,"Long story short. In my studies, I just happen to come upon some information that outlined well a growing evil. There was really no information on what this evil was or what it looked like just that it was evil. So I started sending tumbleweeds out to look around, to be my eyes since I can't be everywhere at once. You know it is amazing where tumbleweeds can go and as you already have noticed, they can get anywhere.

I continued my studies and started to find little bits and pieces here and there. Just telling you, It would have been so much easier if they put it on the Internet. Could have done a search, some videos and everything. You know put some effort into it. Anyone could put things in old books in a language that was only spoken thousands of years ago in some little village in the Himalayas. A person with a quill and a bottle of ink can do that and it so seventeenth century too. Hello we are in the twenty first century now, ancient tomes of lost knowledge and scrolls of great power really need to catch up. Look at this." Felicia paused to snap her fingers again and in a poof of power a smart  phone appear floating in mid air."See now this is twenty first century. All of my spells are neatly stored and with a quick search can be found. I also can contact others and check my visagebook posts. Can't do that with a dusty tome and scroll.

So after countless hours of searching and researching I found some interesting things, things that helped clear things up a little. The evil that was going to consume the world was some tentacle faced thing. By all of the drawings I found, it didn't look like it liked to work out. In fact it didn't look like it has ever stopped in at a gym ever. It didn't like push or sit when they were combined with up. That and it had little bat wings too. Those are creepy on bats so imagine them on something that isn't bat. Creepy factor times a thousand. If the drawings were even close the evil also had a face only a mother maybe might like, maybe... Not sure.

So I sent my tumblesweeds out to scour the globe after showing them a drawing of the evil, which caused some to faint by the way. After months of looking, one of my tumbleweeds caught a glimpse and it was scary. "

"What are you talking about?" I said bolting upright,"I am not scary!"

Felicia laughed,"I didn't mean you."

Slowly I settled back down, "Ok, good."

"I was watching you for another reason," Felicia said nonchalantly which got me to ask why. "That is for later," she responded before continuing,"I found the evil somewhere I didn't expect and if the couple of stories I found are true there is only one who might be able to take care of it."

"Who? John Waynesidding? Spectralsplatters? A god fallen to earth with a big hammer? Who?"

The witch looked over to me with a sideways glance,"That is where you come in."

"Oh I am suppose to go get the person maybe test them? That would be no problem," I say nodding my head.

"No..." Felicia said taking a sip,"it is you."

Okay bolting upright is a little hard on the back but it needed to be done in this occasion, also added the spitting of liquid but had no liquid so really I just boosted upright. "What? No. No. No."

Another sip and Felicia nodded and said yes, "That is why I was watching you. You seem to persevere through things. In a way you take a licking and keep on ticking."

"Dumb stupid luck," I say trying to stay calm. Maybe if I make a run for it...

"No.... I think it is something else." Felicia said standing up and walking over  to the metal Twinkie and opening the door,"Here I will show you."

"Show me what?"

Felicia motioned with a hand, "I have a banana milkshake in the fridge."

((Okay give me a moment to enjoy some banana gold. Then we will back with more words. slurp.))

[Catherine]

Once I heard banana and milkshake I scrambled over to the doorway to the shiny Twinkie as fast as monkey girl possible. If I had to time it, it could have been less than a blink, maybe close to a bl. Excited I stood there, bouncing up and down just a little, "Okay I am ready for the banana milkshake."

Out of nowhere a clipboard appeared,"First you need to sign this." Felicia said offering me a pin.

"What is this?" I ask looking at the clipboard as I imagined sipping on the banana milkshake, so yeah not really focusing on the here and now. More of the banana and shake.

"Oh it is your standard nondisclosure agreement. It basically says that if you squeal like a piggy about anything you see in my place, if you do, you agree to be turned into a piggy with a curly tail. Sign please." Felicia said with a smile.

"Okay....." Is she serious or just pulling my tail? I give Felicia a look and a little laugh as I sign the form. As soon as I am done the clipboard disappears with a little poof.

"Thank you and now you may enter."

I nod and step into the shiny Twinkie and see all sort of stuff. Stuff over there and over there and over there and even over there tucked away. "What does that do?" I ask pointing to a cast iron skillet.

"That cooks eggs and other things, like flat waffles which are called pancakes," Felicia responded.

"Nothing magical?"

"No just cooking, that is all." Felicia said stepping into shiny Twinkie.

"And that..." I ask pointing to something.

"That is a tv," Felicia responds.

"I know, but is it magical? Do you use that to scry or something?"

"I use it to watch tv, that is all."

"How about that thing over there?" I ask pointing to something just sitting there trying to find something anything magical.

I could see that Felicia was about to say something as she looked to see what I was pointing at. As soon as she saw it her cheeks went red. Magic? "Yeah.....no" she said as she snapped her fingers and towel appeared above the thing I pointed at quickly covered it.

"Magic?"

Felicia coughed as she turned to face me, her face still bright red "That isn't magical either."

I bring a hand up and tap a finger to my nose,"Nothing too magical so far. I thought there would be more.....you know... Ew.....ah...... Look at things wide eyed." Felicia just shook her head slowly, "I don't keep those things out anymore. You see the last time I did, something happened and no matter what I do now, I can't wipe it from the history books."

"Spell books? Ancient grimoires? Scrolls?"

Felicia chuckled, "Those are so retro, I use them for decoration and other things." Motioning towards a small table with a glass on it, under the glass was a really old looking book. 

"But that looks important and you are using it to keep you glass from staining the table."

With a dismissive wave, Felicia started to walk towards me and the back of the shiny Twinkie, "Yeah, I think it was. Can't remember, I think it was about world domination or something. Anyways what I have to show you is back here."

"Other than the banana milkshake of course." I say as I follow Felicia pass the fridge, looking at it as I do.

"Yes other than banana milkshake, in fact..." SLURP! "...you can get it if you want too."

"Too late," I say happily as I suck on the straw, happily following Felicia, "So what is back here?"

Felicia stopped and spun around a little in front of a folding door, "Oh it is something magical, a portal actually."

"That sounds cool," SLURP!

"Want to see it?" Felicia asked as she started on pushing on the door.


((Okay short post but nail bitting what is behind the door ending. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

SLURP! "Of course I want to see it but..." I say looking around for a moment, trying to figure out what the room could be. Kitchen check, livingroom type room, bedroom and hallway so that leaves....

"But what?" Felicia asked as the door started to folding.

SLURP! With my free hand I point to the folding door, "Isn't that bathroom?"

"Sort of yes...."

"Well I am allergic to toilet spiders so...." I say taking a step away. SLURP!

For a moment a look of confusion swept across Felicia's face, "What? I have never heard of those."

"You haven't?" SLURP! "Nasty little things that hang around toilets. Sort of porcelain colored, well if they are clean. They wait until you are bare bottomed and sitting there," SLURP! "then all sneaky like they sneak up and pinch a cheek.   Whoever gets pinched jumps up scared with toilet paper flying all over the place and the toilet spider sits there and laughs" SLURP! "So toilet spiders yeah, no...... Allergy to them."

"Well I am pretty sure I haven't seen any toilet spiders and I know I have never felt any either and look," behind her back, Felicia snapped her figures as she motioned with her other hand at the door,

SLURP! Quickly I look up  "What?"

"See a toilet spider free zone," Felicia pointed at a sticker with a spider and a toilet on it, both marked out.

"Okay, but toilet spiders can't read so they might have just walked by that." SLURP!

Felicia laughed as she opened up the folding door or is it folded up the folding door? Anyways the door was open and the folding was folded.

I expected to see the standard shiny Twinkie bathroom. Small and tight. Toilet, sink and shower in an area no bigger than this by this. So tight, like really tight. But I didn't see any bathroom appliances. What I saw was a room as big or bigger than the shiny Twinkie. AMAZED SLURP! "It is bigger in the inside...." I look back at Felicia,"How?"

With jazz hands Felicia answered magic and told me to get inside.

SLURP! I enter amazed. Unlike the shiny Twinkie this room is decorated all modern like. With fresh new paint well except for part of the wall over there that has a silhouette of a person burned into it. Felicia saw me look at it and looked nervous for a moment, "That is a modern art piece, an installation yeah. Had the artist come in and create it. It is call 'Oh my god there is a fireba.......' Or something like that."

We walked pass tables filled with beakers, test tubes and other breakable things so I was careful near that. Puddle a potion, break a beaker and instant frog or something. I prefer to stay monkey girl thank you very much. I will leave frogging to someone else. One did blurp though which sort of startled me.

Everything else was pretty much sparkling, I guess a witch needs something to go oops on, all thanks to the animated broom and duster that flew around. "No roomba?" I ask pointing to the broom.

Felicia laughed, "Had one once. It well....... Let's chalk it up to a potion incident and if you hear something howling out in the desert, it might not be a coyote.

SLURP! "Okay....."

We continued walking pass some portraits hung on the wall. That gave me the creepy feeling of being watched. You know that feeling right? Where you think the eyes in a painting is following you? That! Six paintings so thirteen sets of eyes and no my math wasn't off Sir Muffy the albino hairy hairless cat was in one of them. Half way through I turned just to see and I swear I saw movement in the paintings. Like they were trying to get back into position or something close to it. Then the last one sneezed I think when my tail went by. I turned and it looked like the person in the painting nose was red. Was it red before?

Suddenly Felicia stopped in front of a large mirror, "Here you go."

Looking at it, it wasn't really anything spectacular for being a portal. Just a mirror with no frame sitting against the wall. SLURP! "This is it?"

With just a nod, Felicia answered.

"I expected something more portally." SLURP!

With a smile Felicia brought a hand up and rapped on the mirror. In that instant the surface of the mirror started to swirl. Colors going this way and that like in a tunnel sort of pattern, "Better?"

I nod. SLURP! "Where does it go too?" I ask stepping in front of it.

"By my calculations somewhere close to the evil," Felicia said as she brought up a foot.

"So probably should not go....." You would think I would learn, but no..... One moment  I am standing there and the next I have a foot impacting my butt sending me into the mirror.

"In there..........." SLURP!


*****

Nothing like falling through a void to make a person appreciate a banana milkshake. SLURP! Not like I have anything to do really but watch the cool effects flying and swirling by. Whoever thought of this effect did a really good job, I can tell they put a lot of effort in it. I mean most just do light streaks, which is overused I think and don't put anymore effort into it. You are going by really fast so you would only see streaks, blah blah blah. Then there are others who do the whole void is just darkness thing, easy on the effects but yawn. Confusing too! Am I falling? Am I flying up? Going sideways? Going forwards or backwards? Like I said confusing. But this void is top notch. Nothing to complain about it or anything, especially since I have a banana milkshake. SLURP! Which is banana-rific by the way.

Like all voids, there is a beginning and an ending. I know what the beginning was and I was sort of a little excited to see the end of the void, well other than the evil thing at the other end. That well....I wasn't exactly looking forward too. The whole taadah followed by a chomp or squish thing wasn't winning any points in my book. Had no choice though, voids are sort of one directional. Yes they are two way streets but you can only head in the direction that you are going in, so no u-turns or scrambling back the way you came when you see the giant mouth full of a sharp pointy teeth welcoming you at the other end.

SLURP! Mmmmmm....... Just the right amount of banana in the shake. Just the right amount of milk too. It is hard sometimes to find the right balance between the two. You want it to taste like a banana but not the peel too. Same with the milk, kind of hard to have a milkshake without milk but know the limits. Too much milk and really you have a cup of milk with a lump or two of soon to be sort of like milk stuff. SLURP! But this one has it just right. SLURP! Yes it does, yum. SLURP! Okay back to the now, so where was I? Oh yeah....

One ways in voids, you go one way and to come back you hop back in and come back. Sometimes screaming as you come back. There is no enforcement of the one way rule, it is just is. You go this way and to go back you have to run the whole thing. There is no void cops, hidden behind the swirling colors or anything. Ready to jump out at the first sign of violation. No tickets to be handed out. No red lights flashing, other than the occasional void traveler. No accidents jamming up the void lanes either. Okay there was that one time but that was during a super moon during a eclipse when the statues on Easter Island sung reggae. But they posted signs after that, see there goes one now.

SLURP!

But it looks like by ride is coming to a end, what with the big glowing doorway coming up fast. The one with 'EXIT' above it. I see no hints of teeth. No red glowing red things that could be eyes saying, 'Come feed me.' No hints of evil so far, which is good. No tentacles. No thorns. No lava. No screaming swirling thingies.

Here it comes.......Hey it tingles. SLURP!


((WHAT IS UP WITH PEOPLE AND PUSHING ME THROUGH THINGS WITH FOOT TO BUTT!! Find out where I end next time.))

[Catherine]

...and a perfect landing! The crowd goes wild. I look towards the judges and I see 8 - 9 - 7 and a 0. Boo....... What do I have to do to impress that judge? He always gives me low numbers. Ah who cares, I am good with the landing. Two feet on the ground and my tail tapped the floor too, light tap though. Don't want to alert any munching teeth, which I don't see yet. Is that..... No that is a banister. Easily mistaken and everything.

Slowly I look around, interesting interesting, time to do some exploring. That and it isn't recommended that you stay in front of voids, you know just in case something comes through. Oops I forgot, curtsy. Always best to end a good landing with a curtsy. Helps stretches the muscles that you just used for a landing. Cute and adorable Monkey girl ninja tip there - limber up after traveling through a void with a curtsy.

SLURP!

I slip on the imaginary explorer's hat and start to look around. The first thing I notice is the lack of colors really, there is a theme being carried out everywhere I look and that theme is drab. There is no bright colors, everything feels muted in way. I reach into my bag and pull out some nail polish, carrying it just in case and wasn't going to apply it to my nails, this is an adventure after all. Yes it would make my nails look nice but still, it isn't recommended and I agree. A boulder trying to roll over you won't stop if your nails are polished. A tribe of giant pygmies won't care either I think, really don't know there. That and you would constantly be worrying if you scratched them to, so plain Jane nails.

Carefully I unscrew the top of the nail polish and dab a little bit on a piece of paper. Super Atomic burn your eyes out green, if you must know. It sort of glows in the dark too. Not that I have applied any and danced in the dark for fun. *whistle*

*ninja art of distracting* "What is that over there?"

Looking down at the dab of nail polish, after screwing the top back on and everything, I can see it sitting there glowing in the drabness surrounding it. Like a little firefly butt in the dark. Then click and it is drab, just like someone flipped a switch turning the color off. So out comes the nail polish again and dab. One moment bright and the next click drab. Okay this is new.... Third time is a charm then and no, the third dab is click drab too.

Okay.... This is different, enforced color theme and everything. Didn't see that coming. But it explains somethings now. For a moment, I turn to see where I came from, an old silver mirror, then look around to see where I might be going. Kind of hard to decide though, everything looks Victorian with a lot of wood and..... I wipe my finger down a small table and come back with a dusty finger, dust and spiderwebs.  As I start to walk around I notice a theme, other that the colors, being carried through every room. The theme is books and I don't mean one or two books. I mean bookcases full, books growing in stacks from the floor. Books on tables and even a book or two on the various stuffed animal heads that are hung on the walls. If it had a mouth, there was a book stuffed in it even. There was even a stuffed book hanging on the wall.

SLURP!

Standing there it felt like I like was in a book jungle and where there wasn't books there was old stuff. Creepy old stuff. Paintings of people who didn't look really comfortable. Photos of women at the beach with some type of strange outfit on, I mean who would go to the beach with almost every inch of their skin covered. Even ankles and wrists! How are you suppose to get any sun? Your face, hands and feet would be the only things getting any and it looks hot too. So blah. Don't want to even start on the guys in the photos. Ick! Stripped I guess shirt shoved into super long board shorts does not shout style, barely says I can swim too. Definitely retro and that is cool.

SLURP!

Now would I wear the full body sweat lodge at the beach? No, unless I want to lose a little weight and.... I hear someone laughing. I am perfectly proportioned for my height. So raspberry blown.

There was other old stuff, stuff that looked fragile and said in a friendly way 'If you touch me, I will break. Not just break, shatter and fill this entire room with glass. It will take a lot of time to clean the glass up too!' So I skipped those and pushed on through to the next room and if it is anything like this last room, stuffed animal heads, the portal will be used.

SLURP!

Creeeeekkkkkk........ Well that isn't a good sign.


((Creepy house check. Creaking floors that creek and not creak check. This is so not going to end well. ))

[Catherine]

Don't judge the next room by the room you just lef......oh jeez. Yeah no heads on the walls but still creepy. Books growing out of the floors, dust and spiderwebs. Like ruins, unknown spots you reach by taking a portal should be kept clean too. I understand that the dust and spiderwebs add to the atmosphere and the feel of a place. Giving it that proper unkept feel, but this is a little ridiculous.

There is no longer dust bunnies, there are dust hippos. A quick dusting every so often wouldn't hurt, now would it? Just a light one to keep the dust from getting to hip level and the webs from getting thick enough to stop a 747. Just in case you didn't know that isn't a couple numbers, well it is, I am talking about a big airplane.

Looking pass the the dust and the webbing the room was your standard...if I had to guess living room of the classification really old? You had your standard couple chairs that were old and looked painful to sit in for longer than a couple minutes. What with the minimal flower printed cloth, which looked rough and sandpapery, then a lot of wood. They didn't look soft at all, must have been made before cushions were invented. The couch was the same but roomier.

A little tired, from void swimming, I walk over and sit down on the couch. Clouds of dust kicking up all around me. * Cough cough cough * you know the place is old when the dust tastes old and the dust tasted ancient, BLARG. Coughing a little more, the dust holding on to the inside of my throat, I turn my head a little to look around and..

In a blink of an eye, I shoot to the fair end of the couch. Ok, Where did the doll come from? I sit there, in the ready to bolt position number two, looking at the freaky doll, sitting very all porcelain faced with its dress all nice. It wasn't there before I know it.

SLURP!

If it is hiding a dagger, I will so....

SLURP!

Slowly my tail snakes out. "Be careful now," I whisper to it as it taps the doll on the face. Specifically on the cheek, nowhere close to the mouth or nose. Both danger places for very different reasons. One could nom and the other could snot. Neither one I want happening. I also stay on alert, just in case. I have seen horror movies, dolls always have meat cleavers or knives. I don't know where they keep them but they always have them. While washing movies, I would roll my eyes when someone was surprised when a doll pulled out a knife. Now I would be surprised if it pulled out like a big giant sword or a flamethrower. Any moment now.... TAP!

I watch as the doll rocks back and forth for a moment and then falls to the side. *Mental wipe hand across forehead* Slowly I begin to relax as I laugh to myself, I was just being stupid the doll was there.

SLURP!

Ah.... Good banana milkshake. Banana-Rific.

One moment I go from sipping to spitting as the doll pops up and hisses. Instantly I flip over the end of the couch. Quickly grabbing the banana milkshake out of the air. What? I am not going to let the doll have it.

I peek over the arm rest to see what the porcelain hisser is doing. SLURP! All I see is couch. No doll just a throw pillow and maybe a Dollie or something similar hanging on the back of the couch.

Maybe I saw the whole thing. Caused by the dust in the air. That sounds.....iffy logical.  I will accept that.

Slowly I begin to stand, looking around and not seeing anything doll like in or around this area of the couch. Slowly I let out the breath of air that didn't want to come out as I go to step around to the front of the couch, when suddenly I feel a tapping on the back of my leg.

Do I need to look? It feels dollish. It feels porcelain. It feels like I have a meat cleaver in my hand and I need a place to put it. It feels like I need to be on the other side of the couch!

Hop, skip and a really good jump away, without spilling a drop of banana shake gold and I am standing there on the other side of the couch. Quickly I turn to see the source of the tapping tapping on my do.... that would have been so cool if I could have said door. But the tapping was on the back of my leg, blah.

There it was, the doll, standing there. Hunching over slightly, I would say breathing hard but dolls don't breathe I think. I can imagine it though and it ups the creepiness of all of this.

"Hey there...." I say taking a step back as the doll stood there. Suddenly there is a flash and surprise surprise, the movies were right! I don't know where the doll got it, the meat cleaver, but it had one now. The light glinting off of it and it looked painful. Very chop chop chop painful. *Camera zooms in to the meat cleaver and catches the light glinting off the edge of just right. Light ping*

Time to think fast, distinct allergy to meat cleavers. *Ninja art of saving my tail* Withiut thinking anymore I point behind the doll and in an alarming way, "What is that?!?!?"

As the doll jerks around to see what 'that' is, I disappear, out of the room and away from the meat cleaver. Far from both, well as far as the hallway....hmm stairs. Stairs are good. Well some are, others that go on and on aren't. But these take me away from chop chop chop too.

******

Foot goes up and CREAK! Yay musical stairs! I wonder if I could do Mary had a little lamb on them. That would be fun, maybe. I would have to find the three right stairs and everything. Also..... I look back towards the room to see if the porcelain meat cleaver is creeping towards me, no traces of either so all good.

Hmm.....

SLURP!

Should I? I mean a drab blah  house isn't the best place to practice ones squeaky stairs playing skills.

SLURP!

But why not! I test the stairs, trying to find the right ones. Luckily I find three fairly close towards the bottom. I have heard  about some nasty accidents from stair playing, moment of silence for those we have lost. *head down*  Carefully I put the bottomless banana milkshake down and....

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQUEAK!         SQUEAK!   SQQQQUUUUEEEEAAAAAKKKK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQUE! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQQQQQQUUUUUUUEEEEAAAAKKKK! SQUEAK!

SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEAAAAAAAKKKKKK!

SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

Thank you. Thank you, please no clapping,

A little winded and sort of squeaked out I sit down. Of course the step squeaks tauntingly. I swear it is almost groaning, almost like it is saying 'You have a big heavy butt please get up and go to another. You are hurting me. Breaking my spirit.' *Dismissive wave* Phfpt..... Whatever, my butt in neither big or heavy. Double Phfpt! Stupid step.

SLURP!

After a while of relaxing and daydreaming I feel my tail poking  me. "Yes?" I ask turning my head a little bit, while keeping my eyes at the bottom of the stairs. I know it had my butt, so not worried about anything coming down the stairs. That and 'Miss Chops a lot was downstairs. I watch as it motioned up the stairs, like a tail can do. "Yeah I guess it is time."

Boop and I am up. Time to fi...SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! Someone really needs to oil the steps. SQUEAK! Do something about this, just SQUEAK!

*******

And another perfect landing at the top of the squeaking stairs. For a moment or two I bounce up and down looking around and of course there is a squeak. Maybe it is telling me to keep going. Cheering that I was successful in climbing them. Maybe squeaking is the steps way of clapping, you know for the stair playing skills. 'I have no hands, so I shall squeak' in a way. Wow that sounds a little bumper sticker catchy, need to write that down. *Mentally licking mental pencil and jotting notes down on mental paper.* Maybe get someone big to play the part of the sticker in the movie. It is too sort of catchy not to be made into a movie.

SLURP!

Okay, what do we have here. Door number one, door number two and some creepy paintings, books growing out of the floor and everywhere else like usual and another door. Hmm.... Decisions, decisions.

Only one way to decide on what to do first. I stop bouncing up and down and the squeaking stops, which makes sense. SQUEAK! Other than that one. I inhale and take a deep breath, my master always said this technique would be dangerous if not done correctly. I take another deep breath and close my eyes, coughing a little due to the large quantities of dust fluttering about. *secret art of door selecting*  Slowly I take a step forwards, feeling with one hand so I don't walk into something and ruin the whole thing.

Okay it is time. I raise one hand and form the correct hand sign, pointer finger out and the others closed. Opening my eyes just a little to make sure I have the correct hand sign, if I don't, this whole thing would look ridiculous.i take another breath, oh wait you were wondering where the banana milkshake is probably since I am using both of my hands. It is sitting on the safest place I can think of, the top of my head and talking about brain freeze, eep! *mental SLURP* Okay that was good, let's get back to the chanting.

"Eenie, meanie, minie....uh..." Okay out of things to point at. Let me think.... BOINK!

"Eanie, meanie *cough* moe. Catch a monkey by her tail. If she hollers let her go. Eanie, Meanie  *cough* moe."

Curious, I open one eye and see that my finger is pointing to that one door and I open my other just to make sure, yeah same door. Let's see what is behind door number this one.

Quickly I open the door, surprising the dust playing in the air. Quick glance of the room and it looks like it is a rinse and repeat of what I have seen. Books growing all over and the drab blah color scheme. Creepy painting on the far wall and two windows with white curtains drawn over them. From here it looks like the curtains are two giant ghosts trying to cover the windows. Boooooo giggle. So scary. Although come to think about it, what with all of the dust and cobwebs and color scheme, this probably is a good place for ghosts. Ha ha ha just bored or something. There can't be ghosts in here. For several good reasons.

The first reason, if there were ghosts here the books would be floating and flying about. Ghosts like playing with books, everyone knows that.

The second reason, I hear no "boos" or "get outs" or chain rattlings. Again everyone knows that ghosts say 'boo' first, it is like their way to say 'Hi!' The 'get out' comes if they are having a bad day, if you are a door to door salesman or if you are telling bad jokes. The chain rattlings? I guess they like heavy metal maybe.

The third reason, nothing oozing from the walls. Ghosts are known bad interior designers. Leaning towards the ick. One ick they insist on using, beating it to death, is the liquid dripping from the walls almost like the walls have runny noses.

The fourth reason, no roving cold spots. Ghosts are cold. Roaming around looking for something to warm them up. Be it a fire, a light bulb or even a Christmas sweater. You know one of those really ugly ones, that make you itch when you wear it. Not because they are made from burlap or anything, but because they are just that ugly.

The fifth reason, they smell and sniff sniff. I don't smell anything other than dust and old stuff. Ghosts smell because they can't see themselves to put deodorant on and that is really it.

Or course there are other reasons but yawn. They beat those senseless in all of those ghost shows. I don't think I need to repeat those. Oh and that one that one show insists is true, it isn't! Ghosts actually make fun of them because of that. They just play along just to see what the 'investigators' do,

The only thing of interest in the room is the artist's easel with a canvas on it and a small table in front of it with a vase surrounded by dry flower petals, oh and dust. Curious I walk up to the canvas to see what was on it. Of course it was a painting of the vase, instead of dried flowers the vase was filled with fresh flowers. Quite beautiful really and it was a nice touch with the petals too. They added some color to balance the whole thing out.

SLURP!

Standing there, enjoying the painting either my mind got bored and decided to play with me or whoever painted the painting was really creative. Because I would  swear the petals were laying just right to form letters and those letters formed words which formed an ominous message. One of teeth crunching and red stuff. The horror! The horror!!!! Why would the artist do this? Leave this message in flower petals. If not him, why is my mind so bored it is playing with me. Making me see this message. I can't take it....

Quickly I leave the room, closing the door behind me. Which is only but good manners. Then take the few steps across the hallway to the next surprise.

One....Two.....

For a brief moment the camera pulls away. Slips under the door back into the room with the painting. It is interested in what the message says. Slowly it pans around to see the painting. The camera slightly bobs as it reads the message. 'EAT AT JOE's!' the horror! The horror! I mean have you had their hamburgers Ick!

Now back to the monkey girl.

and three....


((Stairs That creak check. Floors that creak check. Creepy dolls check and now a door number three. Smells like *cough cough* dusty. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

I should have known really, what with everything I have seen so far and the color scheme of the rooms, there was going to be a room with a pipe organ in it and I just found it. Even from here the organ itself looked spooky like most but not all pipe organs look like, especially ones that are in what feels like an abandoned house what with all of their pipes going up into the ceiling and everything and their abnormally large keys.

Standing there I shivered a little, imagining the sound of the organ like a sad owl that can't hoot. WOO WOO WOOOOOOO WOO WOO. Even imagining the sound is something not happy. Poor little not hooting hoot owl, I cry for thee.

* Mental finger snap *

Is that how they get the haunting sounds by placing non hooting hoot owls in the pipes? Tying up their little wings and stuffing them in the pipes, no that is the C minus owl I am looking for the D flat one. Then when they press the keys it tickles the not hooting hoot owl's feet.

*Mental finger snap * Ow, that one hurt!

That explains it all really, why didn't I realize that before. All those times in church listening and wondering. Then when I asked Mom and Dad, they would tell me it was the size of the pipes that made the different sounds. That is just physics or some sound thing that was made up to cover up the truth.

Quickly I cross the room and climb up on the organ, careful not to press any of the keys so not to torture the not hooting hoot owls tied up in the pipes.

"Hello?" I say as I tap on the pipe, hearing nothing in response. I choose another pipe, a bigger one and tap on it as I put my ear to it listening  for any movement inside. All I can hear is a taping taping on the pipe. Was it a not hooting hoot owl responding wanting to be freed? Taping its beak on the inside of the pipe?

What could the tap tap mean? Was it morse code? Quickly I pull out the Boy Scout manual and flip through it trying to find anything in morse code. Knew it! Right behind the use of squirrels for signaling. Hmm.... Wow I didn't know if you swing one to the right and put a little spin on it, it means 'run away there is an angry squirrel being  swung  around.' Interesting use of found animals for communication purposes. I can see the squirrels urping a lot though. Especially with some of the longer ones with the more difficult moves, like this one where you have to flip mctwist ollie the squirrel behind your back.

Let's see tap tap means..... 'I'? I what? I am trapped inside? I want a burger? What? A sentence would help. * Monkey girl ninja tip. Remember if you are trapped please use full sentences when you are communicating to an unknown person or thing. One letter messages do not help. Unless you are just saying 'O' and if you are just saying that over and over, consider blaming yourself for the predicament you are in, just saying. * 

Slipping the manual back into my bag I find myself back at the pipe, listening for movement. "Tap to me little...." I pause for a moment to look at the pipe then continue whispering, "yeah little not hooting hoot owl." Nothing. No tapping. No wooing. No music from the owl's headphones. Was it in trouble?

Quickly my tail swings into action, slipping into the hole in the pipe. Which freakishly looks like a little mouth. "Don't bite my tail little owl. Just gently grab it with your fett and I will pull you out, okay?" Again I heard nothing in response and my tail went into search and rescue mode, minus the blood hounds since those are hard to keep in a tail. Due to budgetary cutbacks, everything else was out to, so just my tail was searching. Finding nothing but the inside of the pipe. What happened to the not hooting hoot owl?

With a little pop my tail pulled itself out and shook itself out to get the pipe dust off. I heard something tapping, but there is nothing inside the pipe. *hand to face moment* Realization sets in and I climb down off the organ, legs swinging back and forth as I sit on the bench. Erg, the banana milkshake....where was it? There and still full.

SLURP!

Okay what was I saying again? Oh yeah, good milkshake by the way. The banana milkshake must have frozen my thoughts. Put icicles on my brain and prevented me from realizing it was my tapping that I was hearing.

There was no not hooting hoot owl stuck in the pipe. Which is good. Maybe it flew the coop not hooting 'FREEDOM!' Free to not hoot hoot, free from the pipe organ. Free!!!

SLURP!

Okay what else is in the room. There are books growing everywhere, which isn't really surprising. Some freaky candelabras with tons of melted wax dried to them. With piles of wax under them, which will be hard to get clean up I would think. Not like you could light it on fire without burning the house down. Well you could try, but I think the fire fighters would shoot you dirty looks as they break down doors and run hoses and climb ladders and everything.

SLURP!

Nothing else is really in here but the coat stand with the cape and half white mask hanging off of it. Just looking at those, I am getting the urge to spin around and play the pipe organ and sing opera. Quickly I hop up and walk over to them and point, "No! My fingers don't want to tickle the ivories and I am not built for operaing. Bad cape. Bad half mask."

Raspberry and on to the next room.



******

What do they say about the third door? It always hides the secrets? Monsters with big teeth love hiding behind them? They are always unlocked because hey it is the third door and people have gotten bored and turned away after trying the first two. If that one game show is right, the big prizes are behind here. Something like a popcorn maker, that would be awesome.

Reaching for the door I quietly chant "No whammy," to myself over and over. The door knob turns in my hand and the door swings open with a slight push. Opening to a..... Wall and a painting of cat hanging off of a wire, the words 'Hang in there' come to my mind. Odd room to put on the other side of door though sort of expected more, it was barely big enough for the door to swing open in and wait a second there is another door and  a doorway to another. So not a strange odd room but a hallway. Either the person set this up as a master suite or they love doors. You know what will look good here, a door and why not throw a door over there to. Here a door, there a door everywhere a door door.

Curiosity called out and therefore I will check out the open door. Which leads to a bedroom, with a big canopied bed with tons of pillows. The bed looks unbelievably soft, a nap wouldn't be bad but I can imagine being woken up by a nudge then a shake. "Just five more minutes," I would mumble doing the whole bleary eye sleep thing, barely open looking up to see whoever it was before dancing back to sleep and everything, I would probably look and see three different size bears standing there, one tapping its foot. At that point I would be awake and not be dancing back to sleep hopping the Bears just wanted to give me a gentle bear hug and not ones that included the sound of crunching bones and me going "Umph!"

While a bear hug would be nice the crunching one wouldn't be, I prefer the less extreme type hugs thank you. I will leave the extreme ones to the professionals. So skip the nap even though it looks like it would be a really good one on the bed. A half sheep bed at best. Which is really good.

Sitting to the side of the bed is a large filled dresser, a shirt sleeve sticking out between the doors at the top and a sock relaxing out of the top drawer. I could tell if I opened the doors there would an explosion of clothes and in a blink of an eye I would be covered in all different types of clothes with the room filled with them behind me. Nope that is a skipper.

There is another door leading to a bathroom, everything clean and in its proper place. Bathtub, sink, toilet with its seat up in the upright position and of course books. Pretty nice for being in a house like this. Oh and forgot to mention the books growing in the bedroom, starting to get use to them and forgot to mention it.

Nice nice but the door is calling and I must answer.

((Another door! How many doors does a house need? Haven’t they heard of open concept? See ya next time.))

[Catherine]

This next door was different, well not so different but different. It didn't look different well other than a little more wear near the doorknob. More side of the hand rubbing on wood I think, forming a little curved mark on the wood. But the door felt different, it felt warm, welcoming in a way. It even looked subtly warmer, it's had more color in it I think. The browns of the wood looked brown and not blah drab brown. Unlike the other doors that I have opened so far.

Slowly I opened the door and a warm breath of air and the sound of cheering & chanting & some hideous sound welcomed me. I could see the stacks of books all over the room, some as tall as me and others much taller. I would have to get some climbing equipment to get to the top of them, their tops disappearing into the clouds.

Standing in the center of the room was a high back chair, hiding who or whatever was on the other side. I could tell from here it was loved. Slightly worn in some areas but nothing bad. Every so often the chair was ringed by a flashing light.

To the right of it was a small table, wooden of course. Beavers would have a field day in this place and so would termites. They wouldn't go hungry for years. Woodpeckers would smile too! A veritable smorgasbord of wood. Walnut and oak and some other type of wood oh my.

I watched as a hand revealed itself from the other side of the chair, a tea cup in hand and a pinkie up. With a gentle plink the tea cup was put down and the hand disappeared behind the chair again.

"Excuse me," I ask stepping into the room.

A gentlemanly British voice responded, "Yes?"

"I just stepped.... Well was pushed through a portal to face evil. Are you evil?"

The man chuckled in a British way, "No I am not evil. Please step around so we can talk face to face."

"Okay...." I say as I start to walk around. If I see tentacles I will be so mad. Suddenly the soul wrenching sound called out and I cover my ears and cringe, "What is that? Is that you? Are you sonically attacking me? It sounds like a moose farting."

The gentleman chucked again, "That horrid little thing you heard was a vuvuzela and it wasn't me. They are becoming more and more audibly visible in footie matches. Please step around."

Slowly I let my hands drop, Did he mean football? as I circled the chair, a small TV sitting on a stack of books revealing itself. I could see that one of its  antenna was bent to the side and  the picture wasn't the best. But I could see that it wasn't football it was clearly soccer. Suddenly the sound of a farting moose grunted from the TV and I cringed as I turned to face whoever was in the chair, "That isn't football that's soccer."

"No in Britain we call it proper, it is football or footie." The British looking man sitting in the chair responded. Sitting there he reminded me of that famous British spy in the movies, Jeremiah Oath or something like that. Standing there I expected him to pull out a pen and it would turn into a jet pack, you know something spysy and mysterious. "Hello my name Winter. What is yours?" The man said with a slight bow of his head.

Wow a name that is mysterious too! Named after a season but not a season. I don't see any snowflakes flying around so he can't be a season. He has to be a spy, just has too.

Slowly I curtsy, "My name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me 'Monkey'" my tail slowly curling around and curtsying like a tail can do.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Nichole," Winter said with a bow of his head.

"It is a pleasure to meet you to Winter." He has to be a spy. Just has to be.

SLURP!

"Care to join me and watch the game? " Winter asked motioning with a hand to the far side of the chair.

"Sure..." I answered stepping out of the way of the TV and sitting cross legged on the floor.

"You know you could have grabbed something to sit on."

"I am fine." I replied. That and I don't know if there are any ejector seats around and what they would be disguised as.

SLURP!

*****

Sitting there  enjoying my banana milkshake, did I tell you it was really good, I realized the game I was watching on TV was nothing like soccer. Okay it was similar but way different. The people ran and kicked and butted heads and stuff. This was a game!

SLU

I stopped mid slurp which is something rare for me to do, especially with a banana milkshake. Sitting there enthralled with what was on the tv,  the straw slipped from my mouth a little. "Did that guy just kick that other guy's foot off?" I asked.

"It happens sometimes with footie," I heard Winter say as the game continued. My mouth fell open a little more as I watched someone's foot slip into a another person's mouth with extreme velocity, "Okay is that why it is called footie? I mean...Ow!"

With a chuckle, Winter responded, "No that isn't the reason, but that is where they got the idea of cleats from."

"From a person's foot going into a guys mouth, how?" With one hand I covered my eyes as the one guy pulled his foot out from the other guys mouth, teeth sticking in the shoe. "Gross....."

I watched as the tooth guy shook his foot and took off after the ball. I expected the toothless guy to lay there crying as tooth fairies picked up his teeth around him. Nope he just got up, wiped his mouth off, spit out some teeth and took off after the ball. Like it was nothing! I mean come on he just ate leather quite forcefully and he is un-phased. In fact, "Did he just....I mean...how did...but he....will they be able to reattach it?"

"Yeah," I heard Winter say as I lowered my mouth to the straw,"They have doctors there. They will get him off the field and he will back in a little bit."

SSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPP......

"Not playing right?"

"No, he will be right out there in the middle of it all like it was nothing. A flesh wound at best."

"But...look what he lost. That is a very important part the last time I heard."

"It is, but football players are built of stronger stuff."

SLURP!

I winced again as one of the players ate the ball almost completely and another helped him from choking on it with a foot to the back of the head. "I would say." On and on this went. Even the crowd got into the action several times, not like soccer fans at all. They cheered, they screamed, they fought and everything. That and you can't tell me that the stadium can hold like a bazillion people in the stands. No way that is safe. Unless the cameras add like a hundred people per camera or something. I could feel the enthusiasm in the crowd from here and when they did a wave, I placed my milkshake down and lifted my arms along with the fans.

Sitting there watching the game. I was getting tired. My arms and legs ached and everything but the players kept running and doing things with their feet. No resting for footie player I guess.

When it came to the end I heard the announcer mention 'Sudden Death Match!' and the crowd went wild. Chanting and jumping up and down. Yelling at the referees for the stupid calls they made.

SLURP!

"Does that mean," I pause to take a slurp of my banana milkshake,"What I think it means?"

"Yes, next point wins."

"Well, pooh bear I thought it meant something else," i said staring at the screen looking for anything weapon shaped. The game was started and if I thought it was exciting before, it palled in comparison to what was happening now. After moments of high octane non stop action one of the teams was declared a winner after scoring a sock or something like that.

"Wow!" I said as the TV clicked off, "I never imagined. Thank you."

"You are very much welcome. So what did you want to talk about?"

((Saving the talking for the next time. Mwhahahaha ))

[Catherine]

"Well...."

SLURP!

It isn't like I get up or anything, I am just there siting in front of Winter now. Banana milkshake in hand and tail slowly swaying behind me. How you may ask. It did just happen in a blink of an eye. Let's say cute adorable monkey girl mad ninja skills. One moment here and the next moment whacha I somewhere else.

"Okay where was I? Oh yeah well..... Do you remember I told you earlier that I came here through a portal?"

Winter nodded like a British gentleman, "Yes I do."

"Well on the other side of that portal is a witch, named Felicia Hextus. She told me about some great evil and for some silly reason she thinks I can do something about it. I don't know what though since it sounds disgusting with tentacles and bat wings. Neither of those I particularly want touching me.  Tentacles have little suction cups and will leave circles all over my body which I do not like. I prefer to stay circle free. Then the bat wings with those tiny little hands," I pause picking up my non milkshake holding hand and claw the air adorably, "Once those get in your hair they are like gum. Really hard to get out. Might even have to cut them out too."

SLURP!

"Now I have nothing against either tentacles or bat wings but Felicia didn't really know anything. Then the whole foot to properly padded butt didn't help either. I am not sure why, but it seems like people like pushing me through things with their feet. Which is kind of disturbing, Here let me help you and butt shove."

I take a breath and a sip of the banana milkshake. Mmmm.... It is really good. Have I said it is really good yet? What I have? Okay. It is really good though.

SLURP!

"Felicia said the portal would open up near the evil and everything. Then shove and I am here with a banana milkshake, which is good by the way." I said tipping the milkshake a little towards Winter, just enough though. Not enough for spillage, no spillage of liquid gold. Angels would cry with that lose.

Slowly Winter brought a hand up into the standard gentlemanly thinking position, adjusting a cuff link as he did. Quickly My gaze falls on the cuff link ready to see what it would do or was. Laser that would be red...no blue? It would start glowing any second now and then Piew! Portable sub orbital satellite? When pressed would launch and scan the world. Or...or maybe some type of communication device? I think I just saw him whisper into it, computers are firing up all over and agents are storming places. I don't see any flashing happening so it must be something stealthy cool.

For a moment Winter thought, "It looks like you are enjoying it. So it must be good."

Quickly I nodded as I half circled the rim with a finger, looking at the milkshake dreamily .  There is no way I could do a full circle, what with the straw and everything. That and I hear if you circle a shake enough you stand a slight chance of creating a milkshake style black hole. Which does sound yummy,  but You see, I suck on the shake and really didn't want to feel how it would be sucked on by one. Accidentally taken  to a parallel world or half away across the universe,  to a place ruled by milk based life forms who could be lactose intolerant. "Yeah it is really good."

"So I guess you need information on who or what this great evil is?" Winter asked and I nod, straw in mouth. With a gentleman's grace, Winter stood, "I have heard rumors about some evil nearby. I have not gotten the chance to look into it yet but I have something that might give you more information."

"What?" I ask back, rocking back and forth a little excited. Its going to be something really awesome. Maybe he has some device that allows him to see through the eyes of any pigeon. Those are everywhere so they would have seen something. Or a computer that is hooked up into the earth somehow, I don't know really how but it is and it knows everything or close to everything, some things you really shouldn't know. Like where do hamsters come from or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop.

"The Agrippa," Winter answered back as he walked over to a book case. The sound of his shoes could be heard echoing off of everything.

That sounds spysie.


******

Approaching the bookcase I ran through all of the amazing spy things that something an Agrippa could be. It could be anything really and if the the bookcase was a secret entrance then that anything could be anything. This is so cool. Okay acronym wise what could Agrippa stand for? Let's see Automatic Global Righteous Internationally Phonically Powered Autodohickythingamejig, that has to be it unless it isn't. There will be buttons saying 'Don't press this unless you want people to be really angry' maybe and flat screens and cool sound effects and weird error messages.

Gentlemanly, Winter crouched down and reached for two knobs. Oh here it is.... Then swung the doors out revealing the really cool spysie high tech....no wait it is just a book. I looked around at all of the other books, then exhaled. A little disappointed at the not spysie thing. Unless this Agrippa is hidden in in the book, this is blah.[/I

I take a step closer so I can see what happens next and see something peculiar. The book is well chained, bound, gagged and everything else. Something you would expect to see done to someone in a gangster movie, not done to a book! I mean come on what is so bad with a book? With this book? Can it hurt you with its words? Its descriptions so boring that you just want it to end but it drones on and on page after page giving you useless instructions on things no one wants to know. Explained in the littlest of details that is unneeded. Maybe the commas are fighting gang style against the periods and to keep the fighting contained, the book was forever chained so no innocent bystanders would be hurt. Does it have forbidden knowledge, like does the light bulb stay on in the refrigerator, that is forbidden to know? Maybe it is chained because someone colored outside the lines, keeping in the lines is hard to do sometimes. Or ick, a bookworm. I will just say ick on that.

Carefully Winter undid the gag and let it fall to the floor as he lightly shook the book. Almost like he was trying to wake it up.

Mouth drops open when I hear the book start to talk. Yes all books talk with their words but this one had a mouth and was using it.  "Am up. Am up. Whad do ya want?" It said in a voice sounding like it was gargling pebbles.

SLURP!

"Did that just talk?"

Winter nodded as he knelt there. His hands never leaving the book. "You heard right, this is an Agrippa, a demon spawned book.  There are others like it all over the world. I know of several in America in fact. This one I watch over, making sure it doesn't do anything bad. Like others have done before." For a moment looked over a shoulder with a sideways glance towards me, "It likes to talk and tries to trick you into doing evil things."

GULP! "Okay so how will we get the knowledge from it? Good librarian and bad librarian? Tell us the truth or you will be fined!"

Winter chuckled and I think the book spit, saying something that I couldn't understand.

"How then?"

"We ask it and listen to what it says," Winter answered.

"Youd know I'd can hear ya right," I hear the gravelly voiced book say as it flips a big thick cigar from one side to the other. Ok where?

For a moment I heard Winter clear his throat, "My friend here," with one shoulder he motioned towards me,"has been sent here to find a great evil. Yet she only has the briefest of facts. Can you assist on this?"

"Of course I can," I heard the book say, "Just ask."


*******

"So whad do you want to know?" I heard the book say right before the sound of a rather disgusting spitting, think llama spitting and add disgusting with a side of ick, then something splashing near my foot. Looking down I could see the messy black goober sitting there and quickly shifted away from it, just in case it decided to reach out and touch someone. That someone being me! My toes like massages but not from black slime goobers.

Looking over Winter's shoulder I could see the book sitting there in his hands. Mouth slightly open revealing its stained teeth, a dark gap between the two front teeth, as the cigar bobbed up and down. For a moment I saw a tongue slip out of the books mouth, slowly licking its lips before disappearing back into its mouth. Okay....

Without thinking I blurt out,"How do you floss?"

I watched as the cigar slipped to the other side of the Agrippa's mouth,"Don't, what I eat is like celery. It sort of cleans as I chew it."

"So brushing?"

"I do brush. Want to keep da chompers strong." To accent this the book snapped its teeth hard. CLACK! The sound reverberated through out the room, sending s shiver down my back and my tail to stand up.

Stupidly curious since I just had to know, remember curiosity killed the cat and I was hoping that it didn't kill the monkey girl either, "What do you eat?" Yeah I know a stupid question, I mean look at it. A talking book chomping on a cigar. It probably ate vowels with ghost pepper hot sauce and a bottle of lava to wash them down.

The book didn't even think it just stated, "souls" matter of factually. Whew I thought it was going to say brains. Hey wait, I like my soul and would rather keep it. Although it is getting a soft here and there. Suddenly my head jerks to the side as my soul smacks me for the last comment. Okay okay you aren't getting soft, you are just really relaxed. *whisper* Soft, getting soft. It hasn't exercised in a long time and I have been trying to get it to at least walk. Shh..... I don't want another soul face smack. *End whisper* "Hey wait," I start to say before taking a SLURP of the banana milkshake,"You aren't hungry now are you?"

The cigar bobbed to the other side of the books mouth, "Nah...just ate."

"Good because I am sort of attached to mine. It sort of makes me.....me and I like being me. Soul and all. So please no soul diets."

SLOW SLURP and the straw falls away from mouth as I wait for an answer. Mentally running through checklists to make sure everything is in order.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. So what do yah want to knod?"

*mental wipe across forehead* Relieved I gently nudge Winter with a knee, hoping he will ask while I fish for the straw with my tongue, wanting to bring it back up to my mouth. Like a gentleman, Winter explains why I am here and asks if the Agrippa knows anything. I hear the book chuckle in a stuck up book type of way, "Of course I do."

Full of itself isn't he, I mean he is full of pages and everything but still. The book could have lost the chuckle and it would have helped. Need to test the book. Quickly I ask several questions.

"What is the color that can't be seen?"

"It can't be seen, so why does it matter."

Grrr, "If a light bulb will last twenty years, what is its life expectancy?"

"You answered yourself there."

Grrr....."Last question, What is my middle name?" Ha ha I didn't tell the book so it won't know.

"Can I see your license?"

"Sure," I say reaching for my bag to get my license out,"Hey wait a minute. No you can't see my license. What is my middle name?" Close call there, the book almost had me on that one.

"Youd really want to know?" the book asked and I nodded back. "Fine you don't have a middle name, you have two. One is Anne and the other is Marie."

"How did you?"

"Like I said, I know everything. Everything written, whispered or sung. Even that one thing you did once and don't want anyone to know."

Slowly the straw feel from my mouth when I heard the Agrippa mention that one thing. It was just a thing. Nothing special really in the way things go. *Ninja hand sweep of forgetting. You will forget about the one thing, it isn't the one thing you are looking for. Your one thing is over there in fact*  "How do you? Never mind. How about the evil?"

The book laughed a laugh  that sounded like gravel laughing, "The evil is located in a small fishing village to the west of here. It is ancient and has been there before the village and now it is mooching off of the villagers. Can't miss the evil too, you will know it when you see it. Trust me there. Oh and...." The book grunted and strained for a moment right before a piece of paper slipped out and fell to the floor. "There you go, a map to the evil."

"Thank you," I say reaching around for the map, keeping my eyes on the book just to make sure there was no soul sucking happening. There are signs posted you know, one is over there for no soul sucking. It looks like a guy holding a straw with the not sign. You don't see them to often and but I can give you a hint, well one I heard from my Grandpa. He kept saying the "X" was a should sucker. Now I have seen the letter 'X' many times and no sucking of souls occurred. So maybe he was trying to pull one over on me, pull my tail in a way.

"Putting you away now," I heard Winter say as he carefully warped the gag around the Agrippa and put him away. As the doors closed I waved at the Agrippa and I think it waved back in a book sort of way. Slowly Winter turned and walked over to the high back chair, exhausted looking. I could hear him whispering that it always took a little bit out of him each time as he passed by.

SLURP!

I watched as he sat down and exhaled before going over to him. "Are you okay?" He nodded and said he was okay. With shake in hand, straw to mouth I gently place the map into Winter's lap."So how do I get to the big X?"

((Okay can mark the big ‘X’ off of the things needed for a story. There are other things but yeah just needed a marker for something that is coming.))

[Catherine]

Winter looked down at my finger and the 'X' it pointed at. All maps have a giant 'X' when they are pointing at something. If it was anything else it would be confusing, especially if it is a 'Y'. Because then you might ask if it is the map asking you why. Why do you want to go there? Why are looking at me? Why?!?

"Well that isn't within walking distance. I could let you borrow something so you can get there."

Hypersonic sub orbital vehicle? Vroom eeeee wow I can see everything from here. Jet pack? That would be cool but I would have to be careful with my tail, don't want it to light up. Some type of transforming vehicle? Hey what does this button do? Stop! Stop! Stop changing I don't bend like this, I will pop. Stop!  Please stop. Ow! Ow! Ow!

"Could you? I will bring it back I promise." I say nodding. I get something spysie. This will be cool. Need to change hats though. Mentally I change hats from the explorer, which is now covered in imaginary dust to hmmm..... A bowler hat! That just screams British spy. Quickly I run my fingers down the rim, adjusting it slightly before flashing an imaginary smile. Which is just as adorable and cute as the real one with a little light flare at the end. Oh oh and imaginary light sound effect, PING! Whachaa. In my head I can imagine myself saying, "Call me Monkey, double 'O' something or another."

"I could, as long as you are careful," Winter said as he stood up all gentlemanly.

"My middle name is careful, okay not really but I will make sure nothing happens to whatever you let me borrow," I say nodding with a smile. Unless there are evil spy henchman chasing after me, then of course I can't promise anything.  I am sure whatever spysie Winter is going to let me borrow will have armor and some invisible shields and really can't be scratched. Oh this is so cool.

I watched as Winter nodded, turned and started to walk away, "Follow me."

To your secret spy layer of course I will. SLURP! "Okay" I follow him over to a door, not the door I used to enter the room but another. One that didn't notice before, maybe it was hidden behind a secret panel. This is so cool. The door will open and wow.... All gentlemanly like Winter opened the door, opening without a hiss which probably only happens with really good spies, then said "After you."

SLURP!

Carefully I walk by him, shake in hand bad to mouth ready to be amazed. I can see a set of stairs heading down and point to them, "That way?"

"Of course," Winter answered.

Underground base so cool!

Curious I hopped down the stairs wide eyed ready for the spy stuff to flip out of the walls as I descend . So cool.... Any moment now I am going to be face to face with some spy device. Like a hypothermic towelette that makes anything it is covering invisible to thermal detection while keeping it clean or some cane that shoots tasers to disable foes, which I couldn't use since the whole cane monkey girl thing really doesn't go well. I might be able to pull it off, you know with a smile and a whistle. Don't fear me and my cane, we are just out for a walk. It had to piddle. We mean you no harm *whistle*, spin cane and zap! I didn't know it could do that honest. *inner smile*  Zap! Zap! Zap!

Hop. Hop. Hop down the stairs and into an old dusty room. Sitting in middle was something covered. Here it is and it is covered too. That makes it extra spysie and cool. Carefully Winter passed me, like a gentleman saying "Pardon" as he did. I watched as he walked over to the thing under the blanket. Jet pack. No to big! reached down Hydro-fluorescent powered unicycle. No glowing wet spots on the ground and they are known to leak. and started to pulls it away. I can't stand this. It is like Christmas! With only a flourish only a gentleman can do, Winter pulled the sheet away revealing the old motorcycle with a side car hidden underneath.

Without any warning or anything. Surprise, awe, glee and any other word meaning happy, overjoyed, ecstatic or something similar hit me at once. BLAM! Overcome I adorably fall to the floor, in a clean spot not in the puddle of oil right there.


******


Ah darkness, how you welcome me in your embrace.  Especially with the night light glowing to keep the bad things away. Especially that one thing, ick! With all of the...and this...then it sort of..... Thank monkey for night lights....

Anyway back to laying there, in the darkness, I can feel my body begin to rock back and forth.  "Five more minutes mom," I say, well try to say. The whole sleep thing sort of made it sound like, "I've mork inus on," I think. Slowly I roll over, my tail slowly swaying as my body rocks back and forth again.  I swat at the air, then pull up the imagery blanket and I smile feeling it warm my body.

Again I feel my body rock again, this time a little more urgent, "Okay, okay I am waking up.  Slowly I open  my eyes and see Winter, kneeling there,"Are you okay?"

"Yes, sorry...I just got overwhelmed," I say as I stand up wiping my mouth just in case any slugs decided to crawl in while I laid there. It would be a clear sign of slug stowaways in my mouth if I feel anything moist and......Nothing. Whew! Slug stowaways are the worse. They don't fly out when you spit and they don't clean up after themselves, I hear and this is a loose hear really, slug stowaways was what killed off the dinosaurs not some silly meteor. They got in and the dinosaurs tried to spit them out and with all of the spitting it caused the water to rise and all of the dinosaurs drowned. The slugs just floated away all moist.

Standing there I looked at the uncovered spysie thing and it looked like a motorcycle with a side car. Old to by the look of it, what with the olive drab color paint job that has seen better days and everything. "Are those bullet holes?" I ask pointing towards the front of the side car where there what looked like bullet holes running across it.

"Uh, yes I have been meaning to get some work done on the old girl."

So cool. He must have been thwarting some plot to take over the world or something. Racing towards the bad guys fearlessly as they fired at  him. Pow! Pow! Pow! He did some secret spy move and took them out without messing up his hair. Then he said some cool spy line and continued with the mission.

Slowly I swing up on the motorcycle, it would be silly to swing up on the sidecar side. What would that accomplish? Unless....it is a spy thing, it could have the capabilities to do that and that and it would be interesting if it did this other thing. No..no...no.,. Need to stay focused. "Don't worry about it. They give her character." I say patting the side of the tank as I scoot forward reaching for  the handlebars and I can see the buttons on one of the sides. I wonder what they do...Press one now just to see? No, no, no. We are in a enclosed area and if it releases knock out gas Winter and myself would be knocked out. Then if it triggers missiles BOOM! You can wait Nichole. Breathe.

"Now I should warn you about a couple things," Winter started to say when I lost all focus and imagined myself zipping down the highway. Bad guys giving chase, firing lasers, guns and ninja stars at me. Of course everything is just firing harmlessly around me, it works that way when you are a spy you know. I can see that the highway is coming to an end at some cliff, highways do that for some reason. I don't know why, but they do. You would think they would plan a little better. As I go launching off. I press a button and I am flying away. The bad guys either zipping off the cliff or shaking their fists at me. "and if you keep all of those in mind. The old girl should get you to where you need to go."

"Sounds good. I will have to keep those in mind." I say nodding my head,  Did I just miss something?

SLURP!

Carefully I lean over and put the milkshake in the sidecar, buckling it up to make sure it is safe."Can't be to safe you know" Pulling myself up I grab the goggles hanging off the handlebars and slip it on. Adjusting them as I watch Winter go over to a large set of doors and swing them open with a loud creak, the doors not him. Just want to clarify that.

"Are you ready?" I hear him ask as he walks over to my side of the motorcycle. I shoot him a smiling nod and a thumbs up.

Pulling out a set a keys from his pocket, Winter hands them to me, "Good!" Taking the keys I slip them into where the keys go and get ready. What will happen when I run the keys? Something cool I bet, something spysie.

"You be safe, okay. Remember everything I told you."

I nod and tell him I will as the henchmen chase after me in my head.

"Oh and one more thing." Winter says as gentlemanly flips a hand over.

"What?" I ask looking towards him.

"Let me see one of your hands?"

"Why?" I say rocking back and forth a little.

"Let me see one, please"

*****

"Okay...." I say letting go of the handlebars. What is he going to do? Another spy thing? A watch that tells time and shots darts that knocks people out? Thwip! Oops sorry I thought that was an alarm. A ring that hides a laser. Hey your ring sparkles. ZAP! Ow!. A bracelet that does something cool. Like..... Being a harpoon gun or a boomerang type thing. I could toss it at evil henchmen and it would come back to me.

I place one of my hands in Winter's and watch as he leans down and kisses it gently. Okay..... I look at him trying to figure out the whole....what just happen thing. Slowly pulling my hand away as Winter rises. "What was that about?"

"That is the proper way to greet a lady in my country," Winter answered,"I forgot to earlier because of the match on the tele and wanted to before you left."

Slowly I shake my hand waiting for whatever Winter applied to his lips to take effect. Spies wear things on their lips, they are like another weapon to them. If they don't have a weapon they use fists and feet, all being martial art experts even though they have no training. If they can't use those, then lips. Lip fu or something like that. "Okay.... Kind of weird but I can't complain. Better then....."

The world starts to go dark as I pass out. My body crumpling to the floor adorably. When I wake up I find myself strapped to a big metal table and an equally big laser slowly cutting its way up the table, ruining the table by the way. I can see Winter standing above me laughing maniacally in a gentlemanly way as he pets a cat. Ending the story of me as I become my own twin in a painful ow it burns sort of way. Well I hope you enjoyed reading my story, not sure how I am writing it though. Maybe my better half is, she was always good with words.

Okay, okay none of that happened. I am just pulling your tail and everything. Let's get back to reality.

"Thank you," I say as I lean over and place a kiss on Winter's forehead. Not sure why I did that for. Although it did feel like the proper thing for a lady to do or slap him across the face with a white glove. Saying how dare he or something similar.  I wouldn't have done that anyways. One reason is because I don't have any white gloves on me, can't do a white glove slap across the face without a white glove. I think others have tried different colors and it just didn't feel the same. The second reason , I am not in to the whole white glove slap thing. Some people are and you can tell really. * ninja girl hint - look at their cheeks. If only one side of them is red, they like the white glove slap thing.* Finally, Winter is a spy! Do I have to say anymore? He probably would sense my movement before I moved. Take the glove from me using some weird pressure point thing where I go "Ow!" Then feed me the glove, which I wouldn't enjoy. You see I am white glove intolerant, quite embarrassing. When I eat them I get a little pppfffhhhtttt! Don't ask me how I found out, it was a dare and everything. It was late and I just got done drinking a banana milkshake and oops I forgot!

SLURP!

"I will bring her back," I told Winter as I patted the top of the motorcycle's gas tank, "and in one piece too!" I thought I needed to clarify that a little. I will try my best really but if there are evil henchman I can't guarantee anything. They might have screwdrivers and wrenches! Oh and things that could poke holes in me and the motorcycle, which I am hoping there is a shortage of.

Smoke erupted out of motorcycle's tailpipes when I started her up. The engine roaring then sputtering and then roaring again as I twisted the handle telling me it was ready. It just had to clear its throat in a way. I did the whole changing of the gears thing and slowly the motorcycle started to pull forward. "Be back soon," I shouted over the sound of the engine as I cleared the doors and I heard Winter answer back that he was looking forward to it.

When I thought I was clear of any obstacles, like the end of the doors for example, I did the whole gear change thing and gave the motorcycle some gas, not of the pppffffhhhttt kind either and the motorcycle shot forward. For a moment I looked back and saw Winter giving me a little wave and I waved back with a smile. I glance up for moment and see the porcelain chopper in a window, sun glinting off the blade. From here it looks sharp, the blade not the doll, especially with the light ping on it. Should I stop, I ask myself, nah Winter is a spy and can handle the doll? Probably a sparring partner even. I turned my attention forwards, which is important when you are traveling in that direction.

As the road races by I lean over a little and tell the banana milkshake something. The words ripped away by the wind as so as left my mouth  I can't remember what I was saying really.

Lets see where the road leads us. Well I know where it goes, towards evil with tentacles and bat wings, but still let us see.

((On the road again with the wind in my hair and the ptoo ptoo the bugs in my teeth. See you next time...))

[Catherine]

The road flys by as the wind rips though my hair, giving it that natural wind blown look that professional hairdressers try to mimic but never do. The type of look that says I like to catch bugs, birds and small fury things that were in the wrong place at the wrong time thing with my hair. Definitely need to brush it out when I stop, don't want to give them the wild woman impression. Booga Booga Booga..

The land on either side of the road is beautiful, a low mist hovering just above the ground. Rolling hills going on forever and ever. Every so often stones would erupt out of the ground forming low walls on either side that never blocks the view but keeps short things like turtles from wondering out into the road. Unless they have climbing equipment of course.

I can see why they call this a magical land. Any moment now I expect a unicorn to come galloping out of the mists, sparkles and glitter flying off of it and everything. Which would leave a sparkling glitter path behind it that someone would have to clean up. That and the pond that i just passed, there was an arm sticking straight out of it with a sword. If that doesn't say magic I  don't know what does other than rabbits coming out of hats. Of course it could have been someone that can hold their breath for a very long time to and that the person likes holding a sword up out of the water too. Which is just ridiculous. I just hope they put a warning sign up, 'No running. No diving  and no jumping onto swords. Those hurt!' Oh and the standing stones up on the hill right over there, not those over there with the guys in the white robes, I mean the ones over there with the green skinned women dancing around and I use the term 'dancing' very loosely. They should really consider taking a lesson or two. It looks like they might be trying to pop and lock with their broomsticks.

*hand to face moment*

The green women are cleaning the stones not dancing. That explains why they are green, so they can't be seen. Like commando maids, they slip in and clean then slip out leaving no signs of ever being there. This is team blazing feather duster over. *queue radio garble noise* We are entering the target zone and it looks really dirty over. *radio garble noise* The dust bunnies are fighting back, we are taking heavy.....

I nod as I ride on, "Yo Commando Maid!" May you keep the stones clean and......something something something. Well I sort of lost my train of thought there at the end. I blame the pothole back there  and THUMP that one there too and that one right......whew missed that one. THUMP! But got that other one.

Out in the distance I see the landscape starting to be speckled with white. What could it be, I ask myself looking from side to side trying to figure out what it is. There are just little patches of it here and there on everything. "Whoa......" I say shifting the motorcycle down and easing up on the gas to see if I can figure out what the white patches are.

Whatever they are, they are alive since they are moving around slowly.  They look fluffy, I tell myself as I start to approach one next to the road, another laying  on the sign behind it and another on the other side of the road.

What could they be?

I throttle the motorcycle down a safe distance away from the white fluffy soft things, it could be a trap, I tell myself. Predators are known to disguise themselves as cute fluffy things that look innocent until the last second when they spring teeth and  nom you. These could be fluff lions as far as I know and those have claws and teeth. Slowly I watch as one turns to me and I see its beady little eyes and....oh sheep!


*****


I consider for a moment to just maneuver around the sheep. They are not blocking anything and I can just.... change that now. Almost like they can read my mind, the sheep move to  block my direction in the way I want to go and I can't remember any turn offs anywhere close. There was that one miles or is meters from here? I can never remember. Anyways it was a ways back, back in the other direction. Away from the direction, well sort of, want to go. That and it looked scary with all of the fog, trees that looked like claws and that sign that said 'Don't go this way!' I got a clear impression, cute and adorable monkey girl sense tingling, when I passed by it that I shouldn't be heading on that direction. Which I paid attention too.

Thanks to the impression I now have a sheep problem. One that...you see I usually count them when I am trying to fall asleep but I am not trying to fall asleep. So not really sure how to handle this. I could try to fake them out and fake that I am having a hard time falling asleep. That way they would have to jump the fence, to help me fall asleep as I count them. But they can see that I am on a motorcycle so that might not work.

hmmmmm.... I could try the horn. It might startle them and they would just move. Press and BEEP! I would say that I didn't get any response from the sheep but it did. A slow moving of their heads, followed by bah and then chewing.

Press again and bah. Again and bah. Over and over I pressed the button and the sheep would just bah, no movement other than their mouths. After a while it felt like they were preempting the horn with a bah. Almost like they were getting a bah credit or the that the horn was responding back to them. Maybe I am not making myself clear , I am sort of rusty on talking horn.  How did it go again? How does someone press a horn so it clearly says, "Move out of the way so I can get to some big evil thing with tentacles and bat wings. That sounds really ick but supposably I can do something about but not really sure what to do since people have forgotten to write that information down. Which is kind of important really." Oh yeah, bbbbbbbeeeeeeeeepppppppppp!!!!

The sheep just bah. Do they not know horn? What do they teach them  in school? Obviously not horn. Maybe if I just ask them to move, they will move. Shoot them the puppy dog eyes and move move move.

Quickly I turn the motorcycle off and slip off of it, looking back to the side car to make sure the banana milkshake is safe. It gives me the straws up sign and I nod.

SLURP!

Just had to make sure real fast. Can't be too careful you know. "Now you be careful, I will be right back," I tell the shake as I tuck it back in, "don't be getting into any trouble while I am gone."

I could feel the sheets beady eyes watching me as I walked up. Judging me maybe or trying to figure out if they could chew me. One of those, hoping for not chewing though. A few feet away, out of the chew zone, I stop and clear my throat. "Hello,my name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me monkey. I would like to go in that direction," pausing to point,"could you please move?"

Standing there I was hoping for the best and got a bah. I guess it was time to get more hands on. Maybe with a friendly nudge to the bigger ones they will just move, the little ones I can pick up and move.

Carefully I push into one of them,  "I am sorry that it came to this," I tell the sheep. I can feel my hands sucking and sinking and sinking. What is going on? In moments I am up to my elbows in sheep and going deeper. I start to yank and pull, even putting my feet up onto the sheep as I continue to sink into the sheep. "I don't want a wool sweater, those are itchy."

I continue to struggle as I sink further and further into the sheep, like some weird itchy fuzzy fluffy quicksand type thingie. The last thing I see before sinking under the surface is a sheep climbing up onto the motorcycle then glub or something of wool breathing sound. Gluff maybe.

The camera zooms and swings around catching the scene in some dramatic sort of way. Catching the sun glinting off the sheep eyes but not any sign of a cute and adorable monkey girl.

Bah!



******


Bah! Bah! Bah! Goes the sheep with not a  monkey girl in sight. Suddenly one of them wiggles a little, just a little though. Then out of the mounds of wool something erupts like some alien, minus all of the teeth and hissing and try's to grab something, anything really. Luckily it finds a stone and starts to reverse yank whatever it is attached to.

I feel the pull on my butt as I continue to sink in the wool. My skin itching as I keep falling into the fluffiness. Is there no bottom to this thing, I ask myself. Sheep have bodies right? I mean they walk, run and breathe. So they need to have a body. Can't move without muscles and the last time I checked, wool didn't have muscles!

There is a tug and my falling motion stops and I float suspended in the mass of wool. Eyes squeezed shut and mouth firmly closed. I know once I open my mouth I will be tasting wool and I really don't know when the last time the sheep took a bath. That a once you get wool stuck in your teeth, it takes forever to get it out. Don't ask me how I know that I just do. *ninja art of distraction* What is that over there?

Just when I thought I would turn a rather unpleasant shade of blue I went flying backwards, back to the light. Pwoosh! Like some volcano made of cuteness
 I erupted out of the side of the sheep, gasping for non-wool filled air.

Unconsciously I did a flip, rotate  and landed perfectly. Huh huh huh, should I see what the judges score? I did land pretty good and that whole erupting out of the side of the sheep was definitely a wow thing. Maybe a gold medal wow thing too! Slowly i look over to the judges 8-9-7-8 and a one from the final judge. You got to be kidding me. I almost died there! Boo hiss for the final judge. Boo hiss.

Standing there trying to catch my breath, my lungs silently thanking me for fresh air. I can feel my my tail untying itself from whatever it used to pull me out before it swings around to check on me. "Huh huh huh thanks for saving me. I am glad you got my butt. Huh huh huh."

"Now...." I say trying to push my hands off of my knees as I try to point at the sheep, "huh huh huh. Wow a little winded here. Huh. What was I saying again oh yeah. Now!  You sheep need to move so I can go that way. Huh huh. Please...."

I watch the sheep slowly look at each other, then look at me and bah. All without even blinking or showing any emotion, not even blinking an eye.

If I push on them I get sucked into the wool. While it is soft and comfortable it is just plain itchy. As far as I know, if I nudge them with the motorcycle, that will be sucked in. They didn't budge when I honked the horn at them and they are sheep of few words, well one word really, 'Bah!' Time to.....huh huh huh.

"You leave me no choice sheep," swinging my arm in the air trying to get all of the sheep in one motion. I know I missed a couple of them but their sheep brothers and sisters can spread the word to them, "after I get a drink."

Slowly I walk back to the side car and SSSSSLLLLLUUUURRRRRPPPPP!


*******


Sucking shake I do the whole putting you on the spot hand sign of power to all of the sheep. So they know I am watching them. Especially the one with the beady eyes. Yes you, don't give me that look.

Without even looking I reach down into my bag and pull out ole faithful, I did not want it to come to this but the sheep forced my hand. With a flip of my hand the book flips open, it has never failed me before and hey why not something about sheep. Don't let me down Boy Scout manual, I whisper to myself as I start flipping through the pages.

Okay let me see...how to thumb wrestle something without opposable thumbs, okay interesting but sadly no. How to throw starfish like a ninja, sort of cool in a leaping dolphin angry shark sort  of way. Little Mermaid the silent but deadly edition. She loses her voice for love but gets it back at the sharp pointy end of a katana, badly dubbed whachaa! Flip, flip and flip. How to drink milk out of the carton without leaving any tracks, useless. They can't track lip marks and I am a ninja so I would just go poof afterwards and not be followed as I take a cookie from the cookie jar.

Flip, flip and flip again. Let's see...'Sheep - If you only knew the truth'. Well that isn't too re-assuring. I mean other than being walking quicksand like things and almost being swallowed up by one, they can't be that bad. If you are soft and cushy you aren't saying 'I am evil, fear me grrrr.....'

Slowly I start to read and I start to consider that  I am being punk'd. I pause and look around for cameras. There is one, no that is a bird. How about that one up in a tree, no another bird. How about...no a bird. There is something that looks like a bird over...no that is a bird too.

Okay there are  no cameras, unless they are hidden. Which they could be, but hidden cameras are hard to find because well.....they are hidden. Making it really hard to find theme  since they are really good at hiding. Even in plain site, I hear some are masters of disguise and they can look like anything. From can openers  to cars and even other pens. Which is kind of tricky, is this your pen? No? How about this one? No? How about this....is this your pen? No. Is this your pen? No these all look the same. Grrrr...

My mouth drops a little as I continued to read. They can do.... But I thought dragons ate them but... How do they.... How long do they.... Really they can.... This is horrible. Why aren't they warning people about sheep? It sounds like sheep are the answer to everything. Crime...sheep. Accidents....sheep, sometimes they even use tools for this. Taxes.....obviously sheep, have you heard the saying, 'I am being fleeced,' guess where that came from, sheep!

This is horrible, why didn't anyone report the truth about sheep or is the governments keeping it secret?    Are we being herded along, any moment now we will be shaved and shaved to the extreme, when I say extreme shaving I mean no hair. Eek no, u would loo funny hairless and my nose would get red,

On and on I read, my mind reeling from what I am seeing until I see something, something that brings a smile to my face. Slowly I close the book and put it back into my bag.

"I know your weakness now. Now I...."

SLURP!

Hey the facts made me thirsty.

((banana milkshake break! Slurp!))

[Catherine]

One last little slurp and back in the sidecar the banana milkshake goes. Where it can be safe and secure. "There you go..." I tell the milkshake giving it a little pat on the top before turning around and facing the sheep. For a moment the wind blows and it feels like one of those showdowns in a old western movie. Monkey vs. the Bah gang on a road to somewhere. If I had Spurs I would have chinged them on the ground just for effect. Slowly I inhale preparing a little, since this could get dirty fast.

SLURP!

Pause, *imaginary hand timeout*  I need to take one last little slurp, just in case I get thirsty. Don't need to dehydrate while moving sheep do I? That and my hands will be dirty with sheep stuff and that might ruin the banana shake experience. Which I don't want to do.

Okay back to the moment that has passed and needs to be restarted. Slowly I turn, adjusting my imaginary cowboy hat. I would spit like all Cowboys did in the movies but that is ick and I just had a little bit of banana gold, why would I spit and waste that.

The sheep swing their heads to look at me as I approach, *ching ching ching*'with the look on their faces I know they aren't impressed since one almost smothered me in its wool. If only they knew, I tell myself, if only they knew that I knew their weakness. But they don't know I know so something like that, just to many knows and knees there. With only a step or two away I stop and put my hands on my hips, my tail proudly standing  strong behind me. Ready to react just in case the sheep decide to jump me. "You have until the count of three, " I announce and with a flair of the dramatic minus the light and doves, I point off the road, "Move!" The sheep casually blinked and I think the little one yawned.

"One!"

Bah!

"Two!"

Bah!

"Three!"

Bah!

"Fine! I warned you,,," I yell as I walk up to one, "I told you to move and you didn't. Now you will..." Quickly I reach out with a hand and grab one of sheep's ears. Then give it a little tweak. I could see all of the other sheep' eyes open up really big. Like big but only bigger.

"I said get off the road now look what you are making me do," I said leading the sheep off the road. Every so often it would try to jerk away but it was powerless in my grip. Powerless I say!  Queue the dramatic lighting, flashes and  a little of the smoke machine. Not to much though okay? Mwhaha. The power! The power! *cough cough* Too much smoke. *cough cough* Too much evil laughter and gloating. *cough cough* Someone turn off the smoke machine it is going to set off the smoke det.... Too late! It is going to take forever to wring everything out and my tail likes to wear a shower cap with little ducks on it, which I forgot to pack. Can I retcon? No? Oh pooh....

*Mentally wringing everything out*

Okay, the whole grip of power wasn't really anything. In fact I remember my mom doing it to me when I misbehaved when I was young. Not that it happened to much, I would say maybe once.

Who is laughing? I hear laughing. It was only once..... I mean those other times it wasn't really my fault. It was someone else, honest monkey. You know wrong place at the wrong time and everything. The cookie jar flew across the room and onto my hand and the crumbs threw themselves all over. I was framed! Framed I tell you....

To this day, I still remember my mom's grip on my ear as she lead me upstairs to my room or I like to call it the 'Trail of ow ow ow'. It wasn't painful it was just ow. Like her fingers knew the secret pressure points in my ear that could easily control me.

I guess I learned 'the grip' from experience. Years of painful experi....that one time. Yeah I am just a fast learner I guess. Mom would just fake grip from across  the room and my ear would start crying. Seeing the diagram in the manual must have brought that long forgotten pushed to the back and I mean way back almost out of my head knowledge  back to the front.

Of course I couldn't go with 'the grip' and I jazzed it up a little to....two fingers and an opposable thumb monkey paw grip! Queue the explosion and doves for that announcement, not at the same time though since that would get messy really fast. Hey look someone released the doves early it is so beaut...BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!...I full. Oh my...quick cover the kids eyes! Cover the kids eyes!

So yeah, I did the newly named grip on the sheep ears and problem solved. *Mentally clean hands* Of course there were dirty looks shot at me and everything but I warned them.

Getting back on the motorcycle after I clearing the road of sheep debris, I reach for the keys and find something missing. Something important and for a moment I flash back to when the sheep climbed up onto the motorcycle. It took the keys![/]

Quickly I looked around for the sheep thief and spotted it on the fence. Kind of easy to spot what with the keys hanging out of its mouth.

"Get back here!" I growl, jumping off the motorcycle. Ten point landing! The crowd cheers.

Bah!

*******

"Listen...." I say as I start to cross the road, "you really don't need a motorcycle. You don't have hands and I think it would be really hard to drive wth your mouth. Just think about it, would you enjoy riding if you had to keep switching between one handlebar and the other? You would get dizzy and miss everything."

I give the sheep a little smile as I continue to cross the road, it isn't a big road I am just taking my time. Don't want to startle the sheep and have it bolt. At that moment an old song I heard my dad listen to all of the time starts to play in my head. I hum at first and then the words come to me, 'Wool on the run. Da da da da da da. Wool on the run. If you aren't careful you will.....' something like that. Once I heard the snapping and popping from Dad's what did he call them again? They looked like ancient CDs, probably made by pilgrims or something. Wax....no that wasn't it. Um..... Rancids? No, records I think. Anyways once I heard that noise, I covered my head with a pillow. Not really sure if you can call it music since it was pre auto-tune.

"That and it would be hard on your tongue. One little wrong move and squeeze, tongue pinched and you would cry." I take a breath, which is good. Breathing is important. "Now you could get it modified and get everything moved to one side. But I think that would cost a lot. Unless you have it saved up it would take you a long time to get enough. By that time you wouldn't be able to enjoy it or anything. That and the cost of maintaining it, gas is expensive you know."

Slowly I put one of my hands out, Palm side up, "Do you want go trough all of the trouble with owning a bike? Will you be responsible enough?"

******

I stood there watching the sheep as it sat back on its butt and brought a hoof up in the air, almost like it was doing calculations. Was it trying to figure out if it could afford the motorcycle? It kept doing this for a while. Poking and erasing the pokes in the air. It's head bobbing up a down as it mouthed something. Bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah. It stopped and shook its head and did the air erase thing and started the whole process over again. The whole time the keys dinged off each other.

If I had a calculator I would have offered it to the sheep, you know to help it. I mean if you think about it, it can only count to four maybe eight at the best. No matter how trigonometrical you got, there was a limit on what you can count on hooves. I got a chart here I think, let me check. I know I put it in my bag. How to identify colors with yours closed. No. Clouds....soft huh. No. Ah here you go, what are the limits of counting with hooves - four pair and tons of confusing equations later. See look diagrams and everything, you can't deny the facts of diagrams. No matter how much you want to argue, everything is drawn out for you.

I could tell that the sheep really wanted the motorcycle on how hard it was working. But after a while it shrugged and got back up. Was it going to bolt? Slowly it started to walk towards me, okay this is a punking isn't it? It won't give up the keys this easily. Wait a moment, I got it! The sheep is rubbing its legs together. Sheep are made of wool. Almost entirely out of wool, well other than the rest of the stuff. But for this, that other stuff doesn't matter. Wool equals sheep. Simple math. No fingers or hooves needed. The sheep is rubbing its legs together and it is wool. So rubbing will produce static electricity. It is making itself a walking bahing joy buzzer, minus the joy and add fluffy.
 
I will reach for the keys and ZAP! My arms, legs,tail would go straight out and if the cartoons were correct my skeleton would glow. I can't have that, I don't want to show my bones to just anyone. I want to make sure they are the right one and everything. That and I am not that type of girl. Just showing my bones to just anyone. Modesty girls. *ninja girl tip - the less bones you show the better. If you can hint at the bones, you can keep the boys interested longer.* That and if a boy judges you by your bones and not interested in getting to know the person on the outside. Maybe he isn't the one. Bones don't make a girl beautiful, yes they allow her to move and give her form but they don't give her, her beauty. That comes from somewhere else.

That and if the sheep has built up a big enough charge, my arm could go numb or my hair stand up on end. I can't have either of those. A numb arm is a floppy arm and you can't drive with a floppy arm. Then if my hair stands up on end I would be a porcupine head and have to worry about impaling small birds and animals by accident. Finding a pigeon or chipmunk stuck to the top of your head just ruins the day. That and it is a fashion no no. No matter what the designers in Paris say, small animals with their tongues sticking out and x's across their eyes stuck to the top of your head does not say I am hip or anything. Is says ick. If someone tries to tell you otherwise tell them 'no!'

Closer and closer the sheep came, I needed the keys though or I would be walking and I don't think evil would wait or accept me saying I had to walk. Any moment now I will be shocked and thrown back and the sheep would bah laugh. Three....two....one and plop.

I got a shock alright, just not the one I expected. Which is good. "Are you sure?" I ask the sheep as I relaxed, getting out of the 'I will be thrown back with an arm smoking' pose. The sheep nodded and motioned with its head,,

With a hug, I tell the sheep thank you and head back to the motorcycle. Double checking if my milkshaky passenger was still there as I turned the keys. In moments the motorcycle said 'hi' as the engine started and we pulled away. I gave the sheep a little nod as I passed it.

Why it let me have the keys back I don't  know. Maybe it figured it couldn't afford the motorcycle. Maybe it sensed great evil on the horizon and knew something that is should tell me but couldn't, sensing great power in me or something. Which if it did, it was sensing the banana milkshake. Did I tell you it was really good? What? I did? Okay. It is really good.

All I know as I pulled away and went in that direction. Was that I hoped the sheep on the wall was one of the sheep I counted at night.

((sheep handled!! No longer feeling sheepish, okay that is a bad one but look what I just went through.))

[Catherine]

Sheep free, I zip down the road. Hitting every pot hole possible. Now that I think about it, maybe the potholes are safety things, purposefully put into roads so people are kept awake by all of the bouncing around. Why put in speed bumps when you can put speed holes. BAM! Like that one. BAM! That one too!

I guess that is why they made the roads so small width wise too. To keep you on your toes and awake. You see the roads are only so wide and they really should be so so wide. That extra so is there for safety purposes. You see if anything comes the other way, someone has to ride the walls, literally on a so wide road. Not so on a so so wall. Know how I know? Because there is a bus coming up!

What is the rule again? If it is bigger and can flatten you, it has the right of way. If you need to be cleaned off with a windshield wiper like a splat bug, the other object has the right of way. Splat! Look we have a cute and adorable monkey girl splatted on the windshield and she has her tongue out. Just use the windshield wiper and brush her off.

Since I wasn't interested in playing chicken or pushing my luck. Luck usually favors the big metal things and I am not a chicken girl. Monkey, remember the tail? See! *mental point towards tail* Tail not tail feathers. If I had feathers, I would be sneezing. So as the bus honked its horn I did a hop, jump a grind down the wall. Sparks flying as the sound of grinding metal on stove caused every hair in a few miles to stand up on end. Down the wall I went, grinding like I knew what I was doing. If I wasn't gritting my teeth and trying to keep the motorcycle from doing something bad I could have so taken a selfie. It would have been the selfie for other selfies to bow down too. Or selfies would dream about being that selfie, what with all the Sparks and stuff. Wow factor times something amazing for selfies.

As the last bit of the bus passed, I hopped the motorcycle  up on a a large stone and balanced on the back tire. Like the cowboys always did with their horses, well they didn't grind them on fences or anything but they did the whole rear up on the rear legs thing. Thank monkey the horses had good balance or there would have been a lot of flattened cowboys. Just saying, the Cowboys were lucky they didn't a clumsy horse. Hi ho [insert name of horse's name here] away! What no no stop! You are suppose to go the other way. Onto your hooves and not....... COWBOY SPLAT!

Up on one tire, "Woooohoooooo!!!!!", bunny hop off and on my way. In the distance I could see a building coming up quickly., I turn to the milkshake. To make sure it is still safe for one and another to ask if it is okay if I stop, that I am getting GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE hungry and the straw nods.

mysterious building in the middle of nowhere nom time!

******


"Let's see what an old building, built of stones and wood in the pub style might have," I say to the milkshake as we pull up. Other than the coal black carriage sitting there with an equally coal black horse attached to it, there was no one else here.  Small, family owned and only the locals know about it. This will be good.

I hop off the motorcycle and hurry over to unbuckle the banana milkshake. Carefully picking it up, making sure it isn't hurt.

SLURP!

Ah....still good. Banana gold! Did I tell you that the milkshake is really good? What? I did? Ok...it is really good. With a little spin I start walking towards the door and pass the horse and carriage.

Getting closer I could see everything on the carriage was coal black, they should really consider cleaning it to be honest. A little soap and water will bring a little bit of the color back. Half tempted I reach for the carriage with a finger, maybe if I write 'Clean Me!' on it or 'I am not allergic to soap and water. Give me a bath!' The owners will clean it. The closer my finger got to the carriage the colder the tip got, almost like I was putting into a freezer. Did they have AC on the carriage and have it turned up really high? Closer and closer. Is my finger turning blue? Then ZAP an electric charge jump from carriage to monkey finger and OW!

Quickly my finger throws all engines in reverse and shoots backwards away from electrical shocks. Well shock but where there is one shock there are always more I have found out. You see there was this time and I sort of...what am I doing? TMI! You don't need to know about that hair raising moment, it took cans of hair gel and weeks and weeks of working with a hair specialist for it to finally lay flat with just enough body.

Standing there I shake my hand, trying to get the feeling back in it  before sticking it in my mouth. That a to make sure nothing was sucking on my finger before sticking it in my finger, you know like leeches or vampire bats. One is squishy and the other is squeaky, neither I want in my mouth.

I shoot the carriage a dirty look as I give it the I am watching you sign of power. "Stupid security system," I mumble to myself, "couldn't be a horn. Had to be a shocking experience didn't it? I know you are a carriage and don't really have a horn but one of those squeeze ball horns would work. Honk! Oh no someone is someone is trying to steal the carriage and likes to honk the horn. Honk! See I told you."

Finger in mouth I walk by the horse, "You could have warned me, you know. A hoof stomp on the ground would have been nice." Slowly I reach up to stroke the horses mane with my non being sucked on hand. "That is okay, you are a pretty..." Pausing to look, "girl aren't you?" ZAP!

Captain the horse is armed. Repeat the horse is armed. What should we do? Full reverse private. Full reverse!

My hand jerks back in an instant and into my mouth, after shaking it of course. Can't be to careful with leeches and vampire bats. Oh I forgot, the banana milkshake is balanced on the top of my head where it is safe.

"E tu. horse a?" I try to say with a lot of fingers in my mouth. Which sounded more like "Eph ew hord aph?" Really didn't expect an alarm system on the horse. Is there a large number of horse and carriage thefts here? Did the criminals got bored stealing cars. Stealing cars is so last century, the new thing is stealing horse and carriage. It is extreme!!!! Throw the sign of the horse and carriage. Which looks like this! *Origami finger style* Ow, ow, ow fingers shouldn't bend like that. Ow, ow, ow. Maybe we need to figure out another hand sign. One less ow!

The horse doesn't respond at all it's red glowing eye, well eyes but I can only see one at the moment, just following me. In a creepy no blinks sort of way. Like the carriage the horse is black, let me look, yes all over. Even its teeth is black, which means it has been eating one to many apples or sucking on coal. Whew, with its breath I would say coal. Definitely coal or something else.

"You should have your teeth looked at." I try to tell the horse through the fingers in. My mouth.  Motioning with an elbow towards the building, "I will go mention something to whoever owns you. Good dental care isn't something that shouldn't be taking lightly. You have a major case of gingivitis and other itises. That and..." I motion with the same elbow down towards the horse's hooves,,"You have a really bad case of athletes hooves. With the flames and everything., it shouts pain and burning. If I had a fire extinguisher I would help but I don't.. I will check inside. Be right back."

My tail whips around as I approach the door. Twisting the door knob land pushing a little. A cool breeze blows out as the door swings open. Looking inside I see the lone figure dressed in a coal black robe sitting there at the table in the center of the room. He must be the owner of the horse and carriage. Doing the whole matching thing.

"Hello," I say stepping into the building, "Have any food?" At that moment my tummy decides to grumble, stressing it is empty.

((Time to fight the grumbling. Well next time actually.))

[Catherine]

Hands in mouth, trying to suck the ZAP out, I walk into the room. Looking around I would say it dark leaning towards the dark. With things hinted at in the dark. Like that thing over there on the wall, which could be something but not really sure what. Then there is that thing over there, who knows what that could be. It could be anything really, from a tray to carry stuff on to a hatchet that has stuff dripping off of it, so hoping for tray, I am GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE hungry. The only light was coming from the well light above the table in the center of the room.

Wanting to see what I eat and not eat something that just happens to scurry up onto the plate. Not that it will happen, the place looks clean. Well what I can see of it. I walk up to the table and the black robed man. Not seeing any news papers, a clear sign of wanting to eat alone if there are any, I clear my throat and ask if the robe minds if I join it at the table.

Slowly the robe motions with an arm towards the empty chair, the whole time I hear something scrapping against something else. "Thank you," I say pulling my hands out of my mouth so I don't have to pull the chair away with my mouth. Don't know where the chair has been and well ick.

Sitting down in the chair, I pull myself closer to the table,"My name is Nichole. My friends call me monkey for obvious reasons." Motioning with a hand to my tail who is oddly hiding behind me for some reason now.

With a smile I look up at the black robbed well robe and really can't see anything. Hands are covered in the sleeves, there might be a hint of white things but can't really tell. Looking up I can see twin red glowing spots where eyes should be inside the cowl. Not cow but cowl. One goes moo and would be really hard on a person's neck while the other not so much. Unless it is made of something itchy of course.

It was hard to pull myself away from those twin red spots since they never blinked or anything. Sitting there I could feel them bore into me, then through the wall behind me outside and maybe through a sheep or two. After that it runs off like all red spots that bore through things do. Hopefully they miss Miss Mathew's mug though, she would be so crossed if it started piddling coffee into her lap. "So yeah, okay. This might be a weird question and everything, but could you blink. Just once would be nice."

For a moment nothing happened and the room got quiet, even the crickets were told to stop. Sitting there, I started to think I might have insulted the black robe. Maybe it can't blink and I basically just teased it, slapping it across the face. Ha Ha take that. Then I saw it, the dimming of the twin red spots. For just a moment, they blinked out and then they were back in. Whew! Mental forehead wipe.

"So......" I say looking around looking for someone anyone to see if they might help with fighting off the stomach grumbles. All I can see is darkness darkness everywhere, as I spun in the chair, which is good if you are on a diet since dark is low fat. "Do I need to ring a... Oh hi. Didn't see you there." I say jerking back a little when the short balding man appeared.

Sitting there I watch as the balding man pushed a menu in front of me and just stood there. "What about him?" I ask pointing to the black robe, hopefully it was a him. Never can tell with robes.

Slowly the balding man shook his head, "Doesn't eat. What do you want?"

GRUMBLE!

"Okay, okay I will look. You don't have to yell. Jeez! Okay hmmm," Looking down at the menu I see a bunch of new words and words mixed together in strange ways. Crisps? I don't want to even know what cockles are, I think grandma always complained hers hurting when it got cold out. Black pudding? Didn't know there was black pudding. I wonder what it would taste like? Yorkshire pudding? How can pudding taste like a place? Mmmm....this tastes like that one place on a warm summer day. Gammon? Sounds like a video game villain. High tea? Not thirsty and I got my milkshake. Toad-in-the-hole? Ick, I don't want to eat a toad, it would burp in my mouth. Bangers and mash? That sounds like a rock group to be honest. They have to be making this stuff up. Shepherds pie? Why would I eat a pie made from a shepherd? Is that why there is so many sheep running around, the shepherds have been eaten! A sheep conspiracy! Eliminate the shepherds so they can bah freedom. Bap? That isn't even a word and what is a rarebit?

Then I see it, words that I know and sound good together. "Fish snd chips please," I say with a smile as I hand the menu back to the balding man. He nods and then suddenly just blinks out. Okay that is strange. I peer into the darkness seeing if I can find the balding man. Maybe it was a trick of the light and being hungry that gave the illusion of blinking out. It had to be that. Unless, I can't see him out there in the darkness, he slipped on a ninja suit and blinked away. Using the darkness to his advantage to sneak up on the fish and chips, catch them by surprise snd everything. Your meal didn't know it was a meal until it reached your tummy all thanks to balding ninja cook.

"While we are waiting, do you want to talk?"


*****

For a few awkward moments there was silence, the red glowing points brightening and dimming over and over. Okay a robe of few, okay no words. "Hey, yeah about the horse and carriage. That is an interesting security system, I didn't know there was a lot of carriage and horse thefts. Can't be to safe you know. Don't want to go outside and be stuck out in the middle of well here." I say trying to break the ice but all I get is glowing spots.

"Really didn't expect the horse though. Well I expected the horse with the carriage but not the whole zapping thing. That must have been hard to wire up. I didn't see any wires or anything so they are hidden pretty good too." I pause to take a breath and a thought pops into my mind POP "You don't have them all tricked out do you? You know with neons and everything. That would be cool going down the country road glowing all hmm.... red or maybe some green. Don't do blue though. it gives the wrong message. I don't know what that message is but it gives it. Oh maybe do a black light to go with the whole black thing, things would be glowing." I say nodding thinking about how the sheep would look  as the carriage passed them.

"Could do a smoke generator. Now that would be cool. Releases smoke when the carriage and horse stop, maybe. Pppfffhhhppppttt...." I say doing a smoke hand sign in front and around me, "People would be amazed. You would have to be careful where you put the smoke generator at though. Put it in the wrong place and people would be asking you if you feed the horse beans all of the time."

SLURP!

Mmmm....banana good. Yum. Have I told you that the milkshake is good? What? I did? Okay, it is good though.

Thanks to sampling banana gold my mind races back to the carriage."Now I couldn't really tell since I don't know horses or carriages and how they are built. Was ether of them set up for hydraulics? So you could go all lowrider." With milkshake in hand, so it doesn't escape, I lower it to the table for an example. Then raise it up then back down while doing hydraulic sounds. "I hear you can hop with those, also do three wheels. Okay legs for the horse but you get the picture."

SLURP!

"Sound system? You look like a...robe that enjoys the heavy metal with bass. People know you are coming hours before you arrive when things start to shake, rattle and roll. Gothic would be cool with the landscape and everything. A low fog and out you come all low to the ground with moaning and stuff. Maybe as you stop the carriage and horse does a little hop, right before you step out."

SLURP!

I tilt the milkshake a little towards the robe before continuing,"Now all of that takes a lot of power I would think. Probably several batteries and the carriage didn't have a place to hide them so where are they......" I stop mid  sentence as my eyes fly open, "Don't need to know. Don't need to know."

Thankfully the balding man showed up out of nowhere again with food. Quickly I take  a deep breath in, smelling all of the goodness sitting in front me. "Thank you," I say to the balding ninja cook who was already swallowed by the darkness. I imagine him cooking all ninja style for someone before turning back to the food.

"Are you sure you don't want some ?"

****

I sort of expected chips in fish and chips not fries. But my tummy commands to be feed and it doesn't care about words. Words have no meaning to eat only 'yummies' and 'ew gross, hey you have to try this.'

But mom and dad didn't raise a girl without table manners, so napkin in lap and milkshake in its proper place. Which is within arm's length at all times so I don't have to lean all of the way across the table to get to it. You know just in case I get really thirsty and can't make it to it before dehydrating if it is to far. Like over there, that is just to far. That and if it is too far away, it ,if he get lonely and start to cry. A crying milkshake is a sad milkshake and that isn't good. Not really a milkshake anymore, more like a milk with maybe milk icebergs in it. So proper distance away. Of course I fine tune it several times. Here. No here. Okay here. Sit down and test.

SLURP!

Okay that felt good. I think I can do this. Can't be too safe so I test it again.

SLURP! Mmm.... Good.

Okay, I think everything is a go. Oops I almost forgot something and if I forgot that stuff would happen. What stuff I am not sure, mom and dad never really told me. They just said stuff would happen and that was enough for me.

Quickly I bow my head, close my eyes and sit there the required amount of time to give thanks for what I about to eat. Okay I cheated every so often and opened my eyes just a little to make sure no one was taking my food or more importantly taking a sip of the banana milkshake, especially with my straw.

At the correct amount of time, I opened my eyes and mouth. Nom time! Quickly I reached for a fish and took a bite. Followed by several more. Mmm.... Fishy goodness. Now this is what I imagine fish taste like, not like chicken and not really fishy. Just fishy good. You see some fish are bottom feeders, vacuum cleaners of the deep in a way. What do vacuum cleaners pick up? Dust and stuff, which I am sure wouldn't taste good. Especially if it is mixed with what I hear is at the bottom, fish poop. Ew gross! But this fish wasn't a vacuum fish, unless they cleaned it of course, it was good. Just the right amount of crunch too and not really greasy.

As I reached for the second fillet, I paused for a moment. I felt bad for the black robe sitting there watching me eat. "Are you sure you don't want anything? A fillet or some fri....chips? There is plenty."

For a moment nothing happens then slowly the black robe shakes its head. Shaking might not be the right word, it looked more like hmm.... Something on a swivel dropping then raising back only to repeat over and over. The sound of something grating against something else, like fingers on a chalkboard but worse was filet dropping. Which of course was quickly picked up.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, have you seen someone about you know eeeee errrr eeeee errrr, " motioning with a hand, "I have heard fish oil is good for joints." I watch as the twin red points brighten, dim then brighten again as robe picks its arms up. Bringing them up to pull the hood back.

In a couple blinks of an eye, the hood is back and the filet is dropped again. "Uhhhhhh..okay."

((Like you didn’t see the pause coming now, I mean a hood being pulled back calls for it!))

[Catherine]

For a moment I avert my eyes, not because what I am seeing is disgusting or anything. I avert them because it would be mean to stare that and I needed to know what I was reaching for. Filet not fork, forks are not easy on the whole digestion system. What with being like a trident plus one and everything, it would get stuck in my throat and the Heimlich thing would have to be done. The fork would come flying out and stick something small or a balloon.  A scream or pop would follow and I couldn't have that. Not to mention the high metal count, which would weigh me down if I went swimming. Can't have that either, I have an allergy to bubbles escaping from my mouth at the bottom of a lot of water.

So look at what I am reaching for and not the skull with the twin points of light for eyes. CRUNCH nom nom nom.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" I ask as I take another bite, "You are looking a little thin. All skin, okay not skin but bones."

I watch as the skull slowly moves back and forth and...... the grinding sound. This time I came prepared though, earplugs! Okay not really, but I was ready and no filets fell from my hand.

CRUNCH nom nom nom

Oh and SLURP! Nothing like eating some fish & chips and talking to a grim reaper or someone dressed in a really good costume to get a monkey girl thirsty. Let me check real fast to make sure it is not a costume. Hmmmmm...... Using my super cute and adorable monkey girl senses I can tell you with maybe fifty fifty percent chance that it isn't a costume. * ninja girl tip - to tell if someone is wearing a costume look for one of the following. One, tags that say whatever is being worn is made from a foreign country. Two, whatever they are carrying is made of cheap plastic. * That  and I wanted to make sure that my milkshake's soul wasn't taken. You can tell if something's soul is taken if it tastes flat and blah. Which makes it sort of hard to test on living things without being mistaken for a vampire or a zombie. Which I can guarantee you I am neither of those. I can so pull those off on a hamburger though, noming it until it is gone. Then with a smile say it's soul tasted really good, although some pickles would have been nice. A hamburger's soul always tastes better with pickles, oh and ketchup  & mustard.

Thankfully the banana milkshake's soul was still intact. Did I tell you it was good? What? I did? Okay, it is really good though. Two opposable thumbs up. Yum!

Spinning a chip around a finger, I look up at the reaper and give it a smile. I don't think reapers have sexes so I think saying 'It' is safe. If I find out later I can always try and retcon, fixing any mistakes. "So what should I call you? I know I can probably call you Mr. Reaper or something close to that, but that is so formal. So what do your friends call you?"

Nothing happens at first, well other than the red spots dimming and brightening. Then the reaper opens its mouth, with the grinding sound and emits a sound that is....that is.....that is, hard to explain. Think of a thousand cats screaming at once and you come close.

All I heard was "Eeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............."

"That sort of fits, so Earl. What brings a reaper like yourself to a pub like this. The food is really good by the way but doubt it is that. Before you answer let me get something. "

I give Earl the finger sign to wait before turn and start to root through my bag. "Ok...here you go," I say putting a pad of paper down with a marker.

"So you can save your voice for more important things. Draw why you are here, don't worry about not being a good drawer either, this will be fun." I say nodding my head.

CHOMP! Nom. Nom. Nom.

Oh and SLURP!

Earl picks up the marker and starts to draw.

Nodding a little as I watch it draw. "Kitty? Lollipop? Someone took your pet cat, since you can't have a dog what with the bones thing and you have a lollipop you wanted to share with it:"

Earl shakes his head. "Well I thought I had it with that one." Intently I watch as he starts to draw again, "Stick figure. Some 'L''s and box. Hmm... A teacher attacked you with letters from the alphabet and did something with a box." I say giving Earl a smile.

Skeleton hand comes up to skeleton forehead as Earl slowly shakes its head. "Hey I am trying my best,"  I respond as Earl points at the stick figure.

"Person," I say and Earl nods before movingly finger to the 'L'-shaped things. Before I could say anything, Earl draws some lines and triangles coming from them. "Hmm... This one is sort of hard but fun:"

Quickly Earl puts a finger up to an nonexistent nose. "Sounds like fun?" I ask and Earl nods.

"Hmmm..... Run, bun, gun?" And Earl shook its head with grinding noise for added effect..

"A man with guns took a square?" I ask questionably and Earl shakes its head and points at a new drawing that look a lot like a book, maybe a folder. If he as a better drawer it would be easier.

"A man with guns took a book? Are you some sort of a skeletal librarian?"

Earl shook it's head and wrote down a message, then flipped over the notebook so I could read it.  "You know writing is cheating right? It makes it too easy." Earl responds with a jab on the paper and I look down to read it.

"A man with guns took your book. Yeah I know that part. He took it to a fishing village down the road and for some reason you can't enter the village to get the book back."

Earl nods and grinds.

I think for a moment, "I am going in that direction, I can look for it for you."

Earl I think smiles and nods, in a thank you sort of way.

"Consider your book gotten right after I finish noming, okay?

Shake head.


((Okay I didn’t see that coming at all. Well I sort of did since I was there duh. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

It was kind of odd eating in front of Earl, felt bad really, I offered food but he turned it away. Maybe he was on a diet, no fat and calorie sort of thing. The alpha paleo food diet, you can't eat anything or the calories will go right to your hips. You can look but not nom. When food was invented, calories were too! Forget food and forget the calories.

Maybe Earl is trying to be cutting edge, you know noming  is so last year. Now we just think about eating and be content on the growling tummy or maybe Earl thinks it oppresses the tummy, tummies have rights too!

Then it dawned on me, Earl was a reaper. A reaper is only bones so.....food could get chewed but then it would just fall to the floor or something. Never to be digested like food dreams it wants to be. He is thinking about others in a way too. The food and the people who would need to clean up after  think about it, how menacing would Earl be if he appeared, about to take your soul and out rolls a carrot or something else from under his robe. Not to menacing. I am here for your soul, blah! Thump. Um yeah this rutabaga just rolled out from under your cloak. You know I am not a vegetarian right? I think that person over there is though. They might be scared. Beg for your soul for I bring a rutabaga thing.

"So...." I say right before slipping a chip into my mouth, "where is your sickle or scythe ?" Nom nom nom  oh a SLURP! Chips are a little tongue drying. From out of nowhere and I mean nowhere, out pops a stick about so long . "Cool....but there is no blade."

Without a pause, Earl spins the staff around and raps the end of it on the table. Out springs a blade again from nowhere., hitting the light causing it to dance around. The blade is long and curved, with the little light ping telling me it is sharp. Sharp enough to cut a can probably. A few cans by the light ping.

"I always wondered about that, easily identifiable and everything. Not easily transportable either. I bet it would be really hard to find a case for it. Then don't even start with customs and the airport, there is no way you would get either through. Now I can see how it can be done. Ah don't worry this just a walking stick. What you need that can of beans opened up. Stamp and whoosh and stamp. See just a walking stick, nothing with a blade or anything."

Out of the darkness, the short balding ninja cook appears slowly shaking his head at Earl. Quietly he slides a little tray across the table at me and stands. "Oh yeah," I say picking up the bill, shaking my head a little when I see the bill. I can't complain the service was excellent and the food was good. I would recommend the place to friends. So if you are in the middle of somewhere and you come upon a old,stone building. Stop and get their fish and chips, which are really French fries, I rate them five out of five noms. Quickly I pay, leaving a good tip.

"Let's go find the book, " I say bringing a hand up to my mouth as I well do something. Okay burp, not to adorable or cute, you didn't see it so it doesn't count. Stretching a little to make sure the food settles in the right places, I point to the scythe, "you might want to put that away. So no one, okay me, gets their eye poked out." With another stamp of the walking stick, the blade whooshes away. "That is cool and thank you." Earl nods and pulls his hood up, maybe he is sensitive to sunlight and gets burned easily.

"Ready?" I ask and Earl answers with an after you hand gesture with the sound of two things grinding fir that little extra touch.

SLURP!


***


Earl followed me outside and it felt good feeling the sun on my skin and the birds singing. Well bird, the one that had a nest right above the door. "Hey little bird, I am coming out so no grunting please."  I could hear something, almost like a little voice coming from the nest, "Hey little bird, I am coming out so no grunting please."

What the? An echo maybe, bouncing around the surface of the building? Trapped, it will just keep bouncing off things doing what echoes do.

"I mean it, no grunting I am on a mission," I say stepping out. I take a chance and look up, silently praying that I won't be grunted on. For a moment I see a head pop out, a head that looked distinctly bird and then I heard the voice again repeating what I just said. Great one of those types of birds. "Stupid," I start to say and the bird quickly repeats. "Mockingbird," and again the bird starts to repeat what I just said but it comes out a little different. So different it sounds more 'monkey' instead of 'mockingbird'.

Grrrrr..... It had to be a mockingbird. Of all of the birds in the world it had to be a mockingbird. Why? I look up again and watch as the  mockingbird turns around and...... No! No! No! We have been detected caption and the enemy has lock on. Corporal evade and fire evasion measure. Evasion measures? What could that be?   For a moment. I flash back to watching tv with dad and all of those war documentaries he enjoy. How the airplanes would shot stuff out to evade the.... Oh no... Quickly I cover my butt, I prefer no tinsel shooting out of my butt in a cloud of pppfffhhhtttt please. I look up one last time, tempting fate, I swear I can hear a tiny grunting coming from the nest. I tense up preparing myself to dodge. Left? Right? Back or somewhere in that direction over there? I see the bird's butt tremble. Here it comes!

"Watch out Earl," I call back to Earl as I stand there, ready and the mockingbird repeats.

"GRUNT!"

Any....

"GRUNT!"

Moment.....

"GRUNT!"

Now.... Suddenly the bird hops up on the edge of the nest, sticks its tongue out and smacks its butt at me. Grr..... "You stupid bird!" I say shaking a hand at the bird, which of course the mockingbird bird repeats but with a slight alteration to it. Grrrr.......

"I need to get out of here," I tell Earl as I walk over to the motorcycle. Placing the banana milkshake in the sidecar carefully.

SLURP!

What it has been a while and needed to make sure it still was good. It is by the way. Have I told you that? What? I have? Okay it is good. For a moment I catch a glimpse of the mockingbird sucking on a twig, what the? That isn't how twigs work. That is when I realize that is mocking me again. Grrr......

I start to tell Earl that I will be back soon with his book, which of course the bird mocks. Grrr..... Earl gives me a slight nod with bonus grinding soon added, which the bird somehow imitates. Quickly I climb up on the motorcycle and look sat the bird, which is climbing up the side of the nest. Grrrr.....

"See yah," I call back as I gun the engine and start to pull away. For a moment I look back and all I see is empty field with sheep. What the? I consider stopping for a moment, maybe it is an illusion or something but the memories of the mockingbird sits fresh in my mind.

"Time to find a book, face wings and tentacles and get away from the mockingbird."

Gun engine and zoom.

((Leaving at zoom lets the mind wander. Don’t wander too far though be back later....))

[Catherine]

As the road whips by I start to catch hints of salt water in the air. Unless there is a salt place around here with a a leaky pipe that means only one thing, the ocean is getting close. Well I am getting close to the ocean really. No way to move a ocean as far as I know. That explains the ever increasing numbers of sea gulls overhead too, I was asking myself, if they might have smelled the fish on my breath and was coming inland to see what the tasty fish looked like.

*Mental note - remember breath mints next time I eat fish.*

None of them have swooped down yet to smell by breath, so it wasn't that. That would have been so annoying too. Seagulls only inches away from my nose sniffing. What if I had to stop quickly? What if they stopped quickly !?! I would of had birds up my nose, their feathers would constantly be tickling  and everything. I would be sneezing all of the time and my nose would have felt like a downy pillow. People would ask about the feathers sticking out, it would have so embarrassing.

"You got something here."

"Where?"

"Right there, it looks like a feather."

"Yeah *embarrassed blush* I sort of have a bird problem."

"Oh my god, you like to snort birds. Isn't that dangerous?"

"What? No I am not into birding. I would never do that."

"But what about the feathers and beaks. Both are signs of snorting birds."

"No..no...no... I said I am not into birding."

"That is what people who are into snorting birds say. First stage is denial."

"It was an accident. The birds were sniffing my breath after I ate some fish and for some reason they slammed on their air brakes and whoosh a nose full of bird."

"Uh huh, that sounds made up."

"That is what happened, honest."

"Sure it did. Bird snorter."

See I told you it would have been embarrassing. An intervention would have been done snd for what? Feathers and beaks from birds who like to sniff fish breath. There the ones who need an intervention or be of those groups. Hello my name is Awk and this is my first time at fish breath sniffers anonymous, I am addicted to smelling fish breath. Hi Awk.

But it, the growing horde of birds swirling about above, wasn't caused by that and it was just being in close proximity to the ocean that was. I could see the tops of buildings starting to appear over the top of a hill as I drove.  Closer and closer I got and more of the buildings came into view, weird buildings to be honest. How weird? I will tell you in a moment since someone just came into view. He looks familiar somehow, what with the twin violin cases he was carrying and the mariachi outfit.

Oh my monkey! Is it? It is!

I slam on the breaks and wrench back the handlebars to the side. The motorcycle swings sideways kicking up road stuff as it skids sideways down the road. The figure stands there, not moving or flinching as I come closer and closer. Road stuff harmlessly shooting pass and bouncing off of him.

As the motorcycle lurches to a stop I throw myself at the figure and wrap my arms around him, "Beanie, I missed you."


******

"It is has been such a long time since I have seen you." I say taking a step back. "You are looking good. You got the burrito guts off your face. Hey wait a second...." I put one and one together and get two, didn't need to use my fingers or toes for that either. "By any chance do you have a book?"

Beanie doesn't look down at me, in fact he doesn't move at all. He just stands there as a dramatic wind blows and some dramatic lighting lights, that type of light like a setting sun that sets even though it is in the middle of the day. Always setting right behind someone. Like it is trying to sneak up on them, blinding you in the process. I bring a hand up to maybe shade my eyes a little and hear a clicking and popping coming from Beanie.

 I know what sound, check that sounds, that come after the clicking and popping. A lot of continuous banging as bullets make a beeline right towards me. I feel a tug in my butt telling it is time for me to become harder to hit. I pay attention to the tug and dive to the side, moments before the banging begins and bullets start to fly.

Diving through the air I do some acrobatic stuff; a spin, a roll and something with a twist lemon that makes time slow down. Maybe it is shocked and in awe at my moves or maybe it is stunned by my cuteness or knows my allergy to bullets. Something made it stumble and I got to turn around and watch Beanie in action as the violin cases fall to the ground, somehow they are already closed too. How I am not sure since he has his hands full with the guns, which he is holding upside down again. BANG! Bright flash! BANG! Bright flash! BANG! Bright flash and so on and so bang.

Okay.... This slow motion stuff is starting to get me sick. URP! Can we get back to real time? I mean URP this might get slow URP time messy really URP fast or something. Time hears my tummy gurgling and preURPs, that and since it doesn't have any URP bags, it decides to speed things back up. I spin, I flip and I land.

As I start to turn to face the bean man, I can see the guns turning their attention in my direction. Evasive action! Quickly I threw myself into a cartwheel and spin free of a bullet crossing zone. PCHOW! PCHOW! PCHOW! Bullets ricochet around me as I spin and flip. 

Without looking,  I reach back when I land and undo the seatbelt for the milkshake. I swing my hands around and form the hand sign of the 'T' and call time out for thirst. Hey the proximity of beanie and my bullet allergy is making me thirsty.

SLURP!

*****

Standing there taking a sip, I can see the steely gaze of Beanie and I remember hearing that others have given it a name, 'Mirar del grant de la muerte!' if the Boy Scout manual is correct and so far it has been, it roughly means 'Stare of the death bean!' Oooooo scary.  *giggle* Death bean? That is so scary. What is the worse a bean can do to you? Boo.... Fear me or I will make you pphhffppttt! * mental laugh*

SLURP!

Have you never seen someone sip on a banana milkshake before? A really good milkshake too. Have I told you that? What? I have ? Okay, it is really good. Without taking my eyes of Beanie I slip the milkshake back into the..... SLURP.....okay I had to take another sip just in case before putting it away, making sure it is safe.

"I am not here to play good librarian/ bad librarian you know. If you could give me the book back that would....." Before I can finish the sentence Beanie bullets start to fly. Eep! As I dive to the side, I can hear the bullets singing like all bullets do as they fly to where I was,  "Freedom! Bang! Pow! Pow! We are coming to tickle you in an ow sort of way!"

Personally I think the lyrics are blah and they should be quitting their day jobs to start a band anytime soon. That and you can't really dance to it, well you can but not the fun shake your booty type of dancing. PTOW! PTOW! I hear the bullets ricochet off of the ground as I fly through the air. Hand goes into bag as I hit the ground, roll and dive again. PTOW! PTOW! PTOW! It looks like it was a good thing I continued too, EEP! I rinse and repeat with another roll and huge dive.

PTOW! PTOW!  Goes the bullets. Time to be spontaneous. I roll and stop. PTOW! Then spring backwards! PTOW! PTOW! Bringing arms and legs in as I flip. PTOW! Land in another perfect landing and bring back my hands. PTOW! PTOW! PTOW! PTOW! I sing my arms around as the super turbo staff of snapping extends and. CRACK!

Staff meets bullets just right of course and back go the bullets. It a long drive to whatever base .  This is a close one people! So and so is running to catch it as so and so another is running to the base. It's! It's! It's!

BING! Goes the bullets on one of Bean's guns, sending it sailing away. IT'S GOOD! The crowd goes wild!!!!

For a moment, Beanie tracks the gun as it flies away before looking back at me. If looks could kill, sheesh.



((What better place to pause than right now? Next time more Beanie action.))

[Catherine]

AIf I took a moment and looked behind me I would have seen the grass wilting and everything from Beanie's stare, leaving a perfectly formed silhouette of me in the grass. Of course if I looked behind me, that means I took my attention away from Beanie and would have ended with a bang.

I can tell he is bean pissed for playing playing baseball with his bullets, which lead to one of his guns being knocked out of his hand and landing back in a violin case. I am still not sure how that happens all the time or even part of the time. It just happens. Gun goes flying and there is the case to catch it.

You know what would be interesting to see? An indie style flashback movie on what made Beanie, Beanie. It would be interesting to see where the whole mariachi thing came from. Maybe one crashed through a window one night when he was sitting there looking for a sign, I have heard others do that and everything. That doesn't explain the bean thing though. *mental head scratch* You know what, I gave a moment or two and that would give me a.moment away from 'the look'. Let's do it, I think I can scrounge up some popcorn.

SLURP!

Oh and don't forget the banana milkshake. Can't forget that. Roll of film! Shhh shh be quiet the lights will go down and the opening credits will start any moment now. So excited. Hopefully they have a short before the movie, I always love those.

"Let's go to the movies. Let's go to the movies," I start to him to myself. What? There is no indie style flashback movie? Drat! Fine let's get back to the now. *mental humph*


******

I don't know if it is honor thing or Beanie just won't shoot a person while they are daydreaming, but I had no new holes in me. Which is a good thing, since I hate waking up and finding new holes in me.

You see there  was that one time when I was at the mall with my mom, I was really young, I was having a lot of fun and passed out. When I woke up, my ears were throbbing and I had two new holes in my ears. I scowled at my mom the rest of the day but I got ice cream, so win win. That was the last time I fell asleep at the mall with my mom though. The last time!

In the blink of an eye Beanie has the gun up and pointing at me, I look behind me to make sure he isn't pointing at someone or something else though. Just in case, you know maybe Beanie was protecting me from someone type of monster sneaking behind me and unless it was invisible, he wasn't. 

I look back one more time, putting my finger up to tell Beanie to give me a moment, to see if there is anything invisible. Any odd distortions like the heat thingie on concrete? No. Any double image thing? Those flowers over there look a little doubled, but....no. There is a bee on one and not on the other. Lastly floating pixels. Unless I am in some type of video game and I don't see any health bars or hearts floating about, it would be a sure sign of digital stealthiness, well with a bad pixel. Easy to spot too. Look a floating pixel, that is not seen in nature. Get it! That is why I don't think you see to many pixels floating about, people would hunt them down. Get them stuffed and put them on the wall. That one was a fighter, it sat there and blinked.

I see no odd signs of invisibility, especially no foot prints in the sand since there is no sand. As I turn around I hear a click, a click that means one thing and I flip out of where I was, of course I do a little spin. Not for style, well if definitely did add some, but so I could actually be looking at Beanie and not blindly dodging things. Especially things that are metal and will hurt.

I can hear the gun firing so I keep flipping, but not in a straight line which makes it more difficult for the both of us. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Isn't his finger getting tired? BANG! BANG! BANG! I am going to urp if I don't stop flipping soon. BANG! BANG! THUMP!

The THUMP! was me meeting a large boulder that was stinking out of the ground in a place that it shouldn't have been. It should have been over there with the other boulders, but no it is a loner and has to go it alone. I flip, smack and ow!

A bullets pings of the boulder next to me as I shake my head, another pings to the other side of me. I grab Boulder and flip over it, resting my back against it to bring my URP level down to a safe level.

"Want to call It a tie?" I yell back over the boulder to Beanie, moments later I get an answer as a bullet zips by. Then everything goes quiet, curious I peek over the Boulder and see Beanie reaching for his guitar case.

GULP! This isn't good. Need to think. *Mentally rubbing head trying to free up thoughts that are stuck at the moment.*

*****

*** We interrupt this story for something holidayish or just something something. ***


I didn't think this could actually happen, those things over there. *point* With the blank stares and mouths open, wondering around aimlessly. Yeah they show them in movies but come on. Who would have thought? You see that is it, they are in the movies and everything but I should have known really. Hollywood can't come up with anything original know-a-days, they probably saw a couple wandering about some movie backlot one day and thought 'Why not?!?!'

"Hey get back. Getting into my personal space here. So please step back."

When the reports first started coming in, people thought they were some hippies taking it one step too far. I mean *sniff* eeww, they do smell and that might be how hippies smell. How should I explain the not so fragrant smell to you. Okay one word 'blah!'

"I said personal space. Let me mark it on the ground for you so you know. In yellow  which is the 'this is my personal space' color crayon." *draw circle that is just big enough for personal space and point* "This is my personal space, so please respect it."

Anyways back to the hippie thing. Everyone thought it was hippies until they started munching on people, which I hear you do get the munchies if you are a hippy but I am not sure why. There was no "Peace man" or "Give love a chance", there was just munch. Which cuts straight to the point and isn't to hippie like. Although if you think about it is is hippy. Sorry bad joke and play on words.

"Hey what are you doing with your feet? Stop trying to rub out the chalk line. That is there for your knowledge and if you rub it out you will forget."

Then more started to show up. Where they were coming from no one knew, but we could tell they were good with math since they multiplied quickly.

"I said stop that! Read my shirt." *point and slowly spin* 'No noming the monkey. She wouldn't like that and really she isn't that tasty. In fact she doesn't taste like chicken and you shouldn't even try finding out if she does or doesn't. That and she doesn't like teeth massages so please turn around and find someone else to teeth massage. Like maybe that person way over there. Not that one, that other one. I would point but I am only a shirt so I don't have hands. Just trust me, he or she is way over there and is looking forward to a teeth massage. So just head in that direction and you two will meet. Nom in first sight sort of thing. Go ahead and go. I don't want to keep you.'

"If it is on a shirt it must be true so you can just stop rubbing the circle with your foot. So you can just stop.

Hey, Where did you come from? Didn't your friend tell you about the circle? Hey stop trying to nom my head. It doesn't tickle or feel good. I said stop."

POP! Goes the monkey girls head out of the mouth.

"Eew! Your breath stinks. You should consider breath mints. That and when was the last time you brushed your teeth? Have you considered flossing? I mean I think I felt something small kicking my head, a squirrel maybe.

Hey stop! I thought I told you to watch my personal space. Now get back. Both of you and your friends can stop looking at me with these blank stare hungry eyes. I said stop it, I am not nommable.

I saw you licking your lips, right before they fell off, which is gross. You really need to get that looked at, it isn't  normal. They look like little slugs sitting there. Someone is going to slip on them and get hurt. Don't you care about your friends?"

*shake head* No respect for others in the undead, I guess.

"I guess we have come to an impasse, I don't wanted nomed and munched and you do. So we have to...Hey what is that over there?!?!?" Exaggerated point in a direction other than mine.

 * ninja art of the distraction that saves my tail*

When the zombies turn back around they will see one of those Ching Ching monkey dolls with the cymbals and everything. Shhh..... Don't tell them. It will be fun to see the look of confusion in their blank stares from a safe distance. Like way over there and I don't want to ruin their surprise. So shhh...

*ninja sneak away without a puff of smoke technique*

*** Now back to the story. CLICk! Oh and Happy Belated Halloween. ANOTHER CLICK!**

((Yeah That last part is a little late but I am sure there is some Halloween candy somewhere...))

[Catherine]

"Come on brain," I whisper to myself, "that is what you are here for. Too come up with things and to pull the bacon out of the fire." I hear a thunk, chunk and some clinks. Okay last time there was none of that, there was just a click and then a really fast BANG! BANG! BANG! Something is up. Curiosity piqued I climb up to the top of the Boulder and see... What is that thing?!?!

Last time it was something like a machine gun or something. Small and handheld. Whatever Beanie has  now was not that. Far from that. Not even in the same ballpark as that.

I flip around and fall to the ground, landing on my feet of course. Ten point landing, well two, no three including my tail but that didn't matter. Not with whatever Beanie was fiddling with. If it was only a fiddle. I mean it was like this and like that. It had stuff that looked like they did nasty things. Things that made shooting the cute and adorable easier. It looked like it could shoot hippos out of it and I didn't want to get shot by a hippo. Even a baby hippo, even if those are cute, a baby hippo to the body would hurt.

But? I scurry back up to top of the boulder and peek. Okay this doesn't make any sense, whatever this thing is came from a guitar case and  yeah it was bigger. Not by a little by a lot. Unless Beanie was an expert on storage or some weird origami thing, there was no way. But there it was. Big and painful, certified to create an ow. Not owl as in hoot hoot, ow is in this hurts a lot.

KERCHUNK!

Kerchunks are never good. Oh my monkey it is getting bigger. How? This is just getting ridiculous, no one needs something as big as that. What is the saying again? It doesn't matter how big something is, it just matters how you use it. Looking at what I am seeing, I am starting to doubt it. Of course this could just be for show, maybe this thing shoots bubbles. Big ones but still shoots them. Pull trigger and BLOOP.

KERCHUNK!

This is getting ridiculous, too many Kerchunks even for a bubble gun. Quickly I scurry up to the top of the Boulder, "Hey Beanie!" I yell out and I see Beanie pause and look at me. Throwing a hand up to point at the big thing in an exaggerated way, "What is that?"

Beanie didn't respond, he just turned around and continued to assemble the big thing. Did he just attach a chameleon to it? That isn't good, hooking a chameleon to something takes it to the next level. Not that level you are thinking but the next one up. Do you remember the cookie jar that is just out of reach and no matter how much you stretch you can't get to, that level! Colorful too, but that isn't important. Well not really, okay sort of maybe it is. I mean different color bubbles would be cool.

"Oh come.... You can tell me, I promise I won't tell anyone."

Beanie just shoots me a look as he attaches something else. Then walks down the length of the whatever it is, grabs some handles.

*Warning! Warning! Warning!*

I hear the machine thingie start to hum at just the right pitch. Moments later, I see the end of the machine start to glow and light blips start to form. Oh and light streaks now too. No bubbles yet though. *mental sad face*

My head automatically follows the barrel as it moves, mesmerized by the prettiness. Wow Beanie is giving me a good view now.  The blips, streaks and everything else is so pretty.

I feel something tapping my shoulder, "What?" I ask without taking my eyes off the pretty. I feel another tap on my shoulder, more urgent now. "What?" Suddenly my tail appears in front of me snapping its thumb, which is impressive since it doesn't have a thumb. The snapping of a non-thumb wakes me up as the tail points in the direction of the blips, streaks and stuff.

Suddenly I feel an ice cube race down my spin when I realize that the machine is pointing right at me and is humming louder and louder.

Looking down the machine I see Beanie looking at me, without blinking. A wicked glitter in his eyes, not due to the machine though. The machine quickly starts to get louder and louder as more blips and streaks start to appear.

EEP, not good!


******

I freeze in place once I hear the click, not that I have anything against clicks. I am not a clickist. I just have a bad feeling about the machine now with all of its light blips and streaks, no matter how good it can keep a tune with its hum, it is up to no good. Of course I stumble a little when my tail bumps into me, it wasn't paying attention and thought I was still moving.

Okay I need to think of something.

Change into something? Something fast and get out of here leaving an 'I was just here' cloud behind. Maybe but can I outrun a light blip or streak. Streaks are probably really fast since they are streaking around. Something really small and hope the whatever the machine does shoots over my head. You must be this small for whatever the machine over there does to shoot over your head. If you are are too big, you might not be soon. Something armored? I can imagine light blips have a way around armor. Just a 'look I am here, was that suppose to stop me?' Sort of thing.

The only thing is, is to transform I will have to strip down and there is no where to do that in private. That is all I need is for someone to snap a photo or a dozen of me naked. Moments later I would be on the front of all of the tabloids with titles like, 'Monkey is going back to nature', 'Look it is a full moon!', 'We flipped a coin and tails it is!' or 'It looks like Monkey has gained some weight. The scandalous photos inside!' What? I haven't gained any weight. *look around* The photos were retouched, they added the weight. Let me see the photos, ppfftt that isn't me, that is a baby hippo with a Whig and a tail taped to its butt. You can tell here and here.

Then....turn to look up into the sky, the spy satellites. I hear they have really good cameras on them now and can read the newspaper that you are reading. Which is rude actually, looking over your shoulder to read the paper. You would get this strange feeling, look around and see nothing. The satellite would clip out the coupons as your read it and use its laser to finish the crossword puzzle. No manners. I can just imagine as I started to slip off my clothes all of the satellites gathering right above me trying to snap a photo, blocking out the sun. *Shiver* Creepy peeping tom satellites, I see you looking at me, well not really but still you are probably up there or aliens.

Let me check the Boy Scout manual it has had everything else in it. Lick finger and start flipping. FLIP! FLIP! How to hide behind a Boulder. I can do that. FLIP! FLIP! FLIP! How to give a porcupine a bath. Why would anyone want to? Can't they give themselves a bath? Maybe the bar of soap would get stuck on their quills if they do it themselves. FLIP! How to tell a storm cloud from a regular cloud. Useless, rain and lightening duh! FLIP! FLIP! FLIP! FLIP and FLIP! How to escape from a mysterious machine that has a lot of Kerchunks and now has light blips and streaks. Look to part two if it is humming. Pretty specific there but hey I am not complaining.

Whip out imaginary reading glasses and start to read page. Interesting.....'We have discovered that light blips and streaks are not good signs when humming can be heard. While the steaks or blips are not poisonous, which is good, coupled with the hum it usually means an energy style attack is about to occur. Such attacks usually hurt and no matter how much Bactine is used after the attack, it will hurt a lot. Screaming and yelling will occur during the attack and more than likely after too but that is part of the energy style attack so that should be expected. Also lose of limb, that is an unfortunate side effect of energy attacks. They sort of just vaporize or burn off whatever they hit, not caring that you or someone else might like or need whatever was just there and now isn't. How to defend against it, well hmmm.... Maybe a mirror but that might only reflect however big the mirror is, attack back. That is about a fifty fifty percent chance though. Oh and remember those fingers holding the mirror, they might be gone too after seeing the light. What we are trying to say is don't get hit by anything with light blips and streaks that hums. It won't be fun.' Great....

*mentally rub the bridge of my nose as I put the manual away*

Okay the short list of things to do getting shorter, really short since I don't want to get hit by it. Need to think and think fast since the glow is becoming brighter and the blips & streaks are making their way around the Boulder. The hum is nice though.

Need to think. I can't let the banana milkshake go to waste.

Think!

Hey that is a pretty cloud it looks like a ....... Wrong type of thinking.

Focus and think.

*Idea bulb boink* BOINK!

******

Now is not the time for me to explain my idea, not with the machine pointing at me with the light blipping and streaking. That and I am not a villain so that rule and others don't  pertain to me since I am a hero. *fists to hips and proud stance with a bright light behind me and jets flying overhead. Heroic Ha! Ha!* The rule books are kept separate, the villain one way over there and the hero one right here. Let me flip through it real fast, yeah no rule for explaining ones idea out when caught in a situation. It just says, 'Save your bacon!'

Oh shoot I need to stop doing what I just did, I can do it later though but the light blips and streaks are getting more blippy and streaky. The hum is getting louder too! Huh what did you say? I need to do my idea? That is what I am planning on doing.

I switch hats from professor to ninja and in one fluid move throw my hand down. *imaginary ninja smoke bomb* In a nonpoof of  ninja smoke I disappear, which is kind of hard to do if you are really cute and adorable. People just like looking at that stuff, not my fault.

I stand there invisible and preparing myself, quickly though remember the blips and streaks,  to tiptoe around and do the 'save my tail' technique. Which always works by the way, especially if you are invisible and stay quiet. No smashing your toes against anything.

Right when I am about to go all stealth I realize something, I am invisible and the keywords are 'I am' as in not my clothes. Which sort of makes the whole invisible and stealth things sort of blah. I mean others could easily see me and point, "Get the clothes!" At that point, I would have to take off like a monkey after a banana and run. Which would probably lead to tripping and falling since I couldn't see my feet.

"Ugh!" I say as I drop my shoulders. You and you turn around so I can take my clothes off in private. No photos either. Yeah I know I am invisible and all you will see is clothes but still, how do I know you don't have one of those thermal can see everything no matter what goggles. I am not an exhibitionist and I am not putting on a show. That is for other girls not me. Turn, I said turn around and stop peeking.

I point to the sky, "You too satellites and weird aliens. I am not putting on a peep show." I motion with an invisible hand for them to turn around,"Turn!"

Waiting for a moment, but not to long because of the blips and streaks, I start to take off my clothes and in moments I am naked as an invisible naked monkey girl. Invisibly censored of course, just in case. Standing there I shiver as a cold wind blows across the landscape. Why couldn't it be warm? I might catch an invisible cold and those are the worse. Cold medicine and doctors can't see them so you remain sick longer.

Quickly I fold my clothes and press them against my chest, a little fit of giggles hitting me. KERSPLAT! Giggle Giggle Giggle. Fun things pop into my mind as I take off. At the right second too, *whew* light blips and streaks filling the air behind me. Taking out the stone and some of the ground and some boulders over there and maybe part of that sheep.

Hiding my clothes behind a small Boulder, about this high, I put a rock on top of them to keep any leprechauns from taking them then do a dramatic spin and point and hey there was pigeons too. Invisible ones, so you couldn't see them. In fact there goes one now. Invisibly point to space in empty air.

*stealth mental giggle*

((Ohhhh a cliffhanger now you will have to come back to see what happens next.))

[Catherine]

I see Beanie standing there behind the blip and streak machine, a wisp of smoke coming from the end of it. Fun thoughts come to my mind, thoughts that I shouldn't be having at the moment really since I narrowly escaped experiencing the light show in first person. But the thoughts sound fun. Especially that one and that one. Not that one towards the end though. It would take too much work and I don't know where I would get half the items with this short of notice. I mean where would I get a monster truck out here? Can't go to the corner stone building and get one. They might carry the hundred glow sticks which would be useless without the albino jet black kiwi bird. Which is just plain hard to find by itself. Sort of collectors items I hear, they have shows where people show off their kiwi bird collections and they salivate at the most rare mint condition ones.

Best to go with that one idea, everything is right here and that is better than not easily being found. That and it would be fun. Can't pass up fun.

*Mental slurp of shake*

Carefully I began to sneak around, letting that one gnome pass before continuing so I don't create any commotion and draw attention to myself. Then I all ninja like start to...hey wait a moment, if I told you what I was doing you would be all yawn when it happens. Where is the fun, shock and awe in that? So all you need to know is that I went all ninja like and stealthy, tiptoeing  and staying low as I moved around. There was was that one time I tripped but I stealth fell and since I am invisible I am not sure if a stunt double stepped in and fell for me. I did see a look of surprise from a squirrel when something unseeable smashed it, eyes came out and everything. I really need to talk to the stunt double.

Let me see if I got everything done. Okay did that and then I loosened those then tied those together and then I ordered a pizza, hey I was a little hungry. Invisibility takes a lot out of you. Until you experience not being seen you can't deny it. Trust the monkey girl, my stomach was about to rumble which isn't too stealthy. So yeah and I shared with the gnomes. They have a hard time ordering them for some reason. I think it is because delivery people don't carry enough change for gold coins, so I ordered and shared.

Hop, skip and a jump and I am off. I stealth run to the blip and streak machine and jump, doing an invisible flip in the air. I think I flipped, it might have a roll or a spin, it felt like like a flip though. Tail over head or was it a bird. It was something, all I know was that I stuck the landing at the end of the machine. Which thanks to some loosening and tightening of some bolts did something fun. If there is a down there has to be an up, physics really. At least that is what they taught in class, although sometimes that felt like they were going by the textbook. So down went my side of the machine and up went Beanie's side of the machine which caught him in the chin.

I watched him flail his arms trying to catch his balance, you see I tied his show laces together. Shhhhh....... So he could only adjust his feet by a little amount and that never works and looks funny. Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.

Beanie growls as he falls backwards and I jump with another I think flip and land on the far side of the machine. Which sends the um..... the beanbag, yeah that is it the beanbag up into the air. The gnomes gave it to me after I shared the pizza with them. I forgot to mention that didn't I? Oops I think the pizza got to me, I will tell you about it later.

Anyways the beanbag went up as I went down. I didn't need to watch where the beanbag was going to land since it was going to land right there. *Invisible finger point to somewhere right there but you can't see so it doesn't matter* Bean goes the beanbag on Bean's head knocking him unconcious. A lot of beans there I could crack a joke but.... I just have to, I can't pass it up. So many bean jokes. Like have you head the one about why the bean crossed the.... No no I shouldn't. Okay a quick one. Pppffffhhhhtttt! Giggle.

The rest is kind hard to do being invisible since there is a lot of knots. Any mistakes and I could find myself tied to a mad bean. There would not be any dancing just a lot of jumping. Giggle. I should ask Beanie how he has bean.  Giggle. I am not Lima, I am concerned. Giggle. I really don't want to string him along. Giggle. Okay okay that is the last one it is starting to get chili.

Quickly I run over to my clothes giggling all of the way at the continual bean things running through my mind. Slip clothes on and adjust then poof I am visible again. For a moment I double check, just to make sure. Al fingers and toes. Two ears and nose. Tail check. Cute and adorable check.

*mental milkshake SLURP*

As I walk over to Beanie, who is still unconscious, I pull out a length of rope from my bag. The standard adventuring length of course, no person calling them self an adventure would carry anything less. Then click the timer on and then off.

Laying on the ground in front of me is a hog tied Beanie. I smack my hands together as I head to the motorcycle making sure any bean stuff is off. Wait you say? What just happened ? How did Beanie get tied up?

I think I can answer that. You blinked and missed it all. Nothing to see really, just a record setting hog tying maybe. Had to switch imaginary hats to a ten gallon hat though. Which was sort of big but streamlining and aerodynamic. What do you think the click click was? It was me timing tying the bean. Maybe a world record too!

Fastest time hog tying a bean - really fast - date this day - Nicole Anne Marie Smith

SLURP!

Just wanted to test to see if it was still good. Yum it is. Did I tell you it was good. I did? Ok. Well it is.

Off to the village since Beanie is all tied up at the moment. Giggle.

*****

Which means I am pushing it up a slight incline. Thank monkey there was a sidecar or I would have dropped the motorcycle and there would have been some screaming when it landed on my foot. Not a stealth scream either, a scream that everyone would hear.  When I say everyone, I mean everyone in the world. Ears would be covered and everything as people looked to the sky wondering where it was coming from.

After what seemed like hours but was only....let me look at my watch. What?!?! It has to be wrong! I just climbed all of that, motioning with a hand back down the slight incline. Grabbing for the motorcycle's handlebars when it looked like it was thinking about rolling back down the slight incline. More importantly it would have taken the banana milkshake with it and I couldn't have that. Shake head and wipe head.

Carefully I undo all the seat belts keeping the milkshake safe and SLURP yum . 

Looking towards the village two words comd to mind and those are  'fishing village'. Which is good since that is where the evil was staying. Maybe for the fresh salt air. Inhale and cough. Yeah definitely salty. Deers could lick the air and get their daily requirement of salt licks in.  If you needed a dash of salt on something, you would not come here. The recipe calls for just a dash, ppfftt ppfftt too salty. Even the salt probably has salt on it.

I take another deep breath and smell the other thing, the fishy smell. Not that there is something smelling funny around here. Okay there is, but that is fish. Which makes sense really since it is a fishing village and everything. I would be questioning the village if it smelled like chickens, yeah I know there is the chicken of the sea. I have seen little cans of them, but I have never seen any feathers on the beaches or anything. That and I don't think chickens know how to swim, no one has offered to teach them maybe. What would they do? Chicken paddle. Those little feet wouldn't be good in the water at all. They would just kick and kick and go nowhere, just bob up and down. Getting their feathers in a ruffle and getting them wet. Once you get chicken feathers all wet they matte and they are hard to dry. The chickens would catch colds and start sneezing and have you heard chickens sneezing, it's like a whistle.

So far I am not seeing any movement down in the village. Just birds flying above and that is about it. From here the village looks a little odd, I can't put my finger on it but on an odd meter it registers as odd. Not almost maybe odd, a definite odd. Maybe it is the colors, maybe it is whole the buildings sort of just, well just. Hard to explain. Maybe it is because I haven't seen anyone walking around too. The milkshake is getting a chill up its sides, which isn't a good sign. If a banana milkshake is scared something is up.

"Don't worry," I tell it as we start to descend towards the village." I will keep you safe."

SLURP!


((Down down I go to the village by the sea where it smells of fish and KERSPLAT! Ewwww Stupid bird. Be back soon.))

[Catherine]

From afar the village was a little creepy and I was hoping up close it would be better. An optical illusion in a way. Maybe due to the salt in the air or even a reverse tourism board type thing, keep the tourists away to keep the small village feel. That and to keep the coffee shops out, specifically that one. What is it called again? Something astronomical and woodsy.... Stellardoes I think, I can picture the signage and It would sort of fit in. You know with the whole fish thing.

As I get closer to the village the paved road slowly switches to cobblestone which makes the ride interesting to say the least. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP all over the road. Driving in a straight line wasn't an option either, now in a sort of a straight line was more like what was happening. A little over there and then a little over there and then over there and then over there. Sometimes it felt like I was ridding a bucking bull and I considered switching my hat to cowgirl. But I had to keep my hands on the handlebars to keep the motorcycle on the road and more importantly me on the motorcycle. If it wasn't before or started to forget, there was definitely shake in the milkshake.

Throttling it down helped a lot, going from bone bouncing to something similar to bouncing on dad's knee when I was a little girl. The constant up and down though, reminded me of being on the ocean And my stomach was starting not to like it. URP!
 For a moment I catch my reflection in a mirror and I do a double take. Eep! A little green, almost like a sour apple lollipop. While nice looking, it isn't on the monkey girl. Time to brake and walk I guess. 

After I pull the motorcycle off to the side and grabbing the banana milkshake,  I press the key and go "beep" just loud enough that anyone nearby can hear. I promised Winter I would return his motorcycle and I don't break a promise. If I beeped correctly it should fool anyone watching who is considering taking the motorcycle. Just to be safe I beep again, just in case. Hey they, the motorcycle stealer people, might not have been paying attention or something. Just trying to be considerate, maybe they were in the middle of something like a crossword puzzle and missed the first beep, sitting there concentrating on a question, hmmm...... Two over. What is a six letter word for cute and adorable? It starts with 'm'. That is a hard one....

I stand there and stretch for a moment, my spine a little eeee-eeerrrrr-eeeeee-eeeeerrr, I take one of my hands and do a zig zag movement to stress the eeee-eeerrrrr-eeeeee-eeeeerrr of my spine. A SNAP, CRACKE, POP and a moment later and I am ready. For a moment I pause, I forgot about the other passenger.

*mental hand to face *

Straw to lips and SLURP! Mmmm..... All good. A hint of banana in shake form. Not to shaky either and I was afraid that thanks to the cobblestones, the milkshake would have gone to the next level. Something like a milkquake or milkubershake. It would be incalculable how powerful the shake in the milkshake would have gotten. It could have gotten so strong and powerful it might have sucked me down the straw in the cup. My lips.....ow owff, iph canter fits n theud strawph. Owf stoph thish isd af bwendy strawph. I'm notsh builz to owf....owf.....owf.

*shiver* Sucked in by a milkubershake. How would I fit in the cup? Don't tell me.

SLURP!

Mmmm.... Yum! Banana gold. Did I tell you that it is good? What I did? Okay, it is good. 

I look around for a moment and decide that way. The way away from how I came in, don't need to see that again. Heading down to the corner I look for any identifying signs so I know where the motorcycle is. Just in case I have to beat tail out of here. It would sort of be hindered if I couldn't find the motorcycle. No not in this alley. Not this one either. Come on where is it? Look back over shoulder towards something icky slobbering its way towards me as I frantically press the key, trying to find the motorcycle, beep beep beep. Not here either! No......slobber slobber slobber.

*monkey girl ninja tip - remember to find out where you parked. Just in case you have to leave in an accelerated pace with slobber monsters right behind you. *

I am on the corner of......Ewez Will Rd. and Dyes street, that will be easy to remember. Okay now which way to go? Curiosity answers that question when I hear the sound of water splashing to the right, away from sea. You see my curiosity wouldn't be piqued if it thought it was the ocean. Oh water splashing agains the shores curiosity yawn.

Milkshake on head I turn and head in that direction. The end of the straw bobbing up and down with each step.

((Time to play tourist and see the sites. Everyone please follow, on our right...))

[Catherine]

Down the street I go passing one shuttered window and locked door after another. Not to friendly really. It seems like the builders of the city had one thing on their mind, cobblestones. Must be a cobblestone mine or quarry around here close by or they got a deal on them. Twenty cobblestones for the price of one thing. Everything was made of cobblestones even the.... I reach for a closed shutter and tap tap with my knuckles. Okay not everything, shuttles are made of wood so I would guess the doors are too. Whew for a moment I wondered.

I noticed other little things, like how every thing looked wet. Almost like  little streams were running down the sides of the buildings, collect and run through the grooves of the cobblestones in the street.  Every building was like that, building stream building stream. On either side of the streams grew moss and strangely it looked like grass growing. If I was not standing up I would of sworn that I was floating there looking at a small slice of a field or something. Maybe if I just take a step I can..... No no that would be silky. I am not a spider, I can't walk on walls. Well I can if I am running really really really fast getting away from something with big nom teeth or towards a banana milkshake, one of those. It's gravity defying. *imaginary tongue out*

SPLASH!

Eep! That was a deep hole, almost lost my boot there. "I better not have any new friends in my shoe," I say as I go to put a hand on a building to pull the shoe off. Hand slipping a little when it touches wet moss covered cobblestone, imagine a fuzzy muscle bound slug and that is what it felt like. If a tongue licked my palm I would have screamed. With a yank the shoe came off with a sucking sound and about twenty gallons of water poured out of it, no new friends though. With all of the water I expected something aquatic, like an octopus. It's tentacles wrapping around my toes giving my foot massage, it's body all squishy. Ick! Or a lobster, which would have made walking and running if it comes to that, really hard and painful. Schump goes the shoe back on my foot and  little shake to get use to the wet shoe feeling.

SQUISH!

Squish foot, evil will hear me coming now unless I hop up and down on one foot. While possibly fun, it wouldn't be a good way to meet people. "Hi there... Hop hop Yeah hop I am look for hop evil, hop have you hop see it? You are hop wondering about the hop whole hopping hop thing aren't you. I am..... Hop playing pirate hop without a hop peg leg hop that hop needs to hop get around. " That and I have change in my pocket.

Let's go tail and check on the splashing, maybe we will find someone that can point us in the right direction.


SQUISH!


SQUISH!


SQUISH!


*****

I go squish down to the end of the block, the splashing of water getting louder and louder as I go. Still not running into anyone or anything. You would think there would be at least a cat or a dog roaming about or something. What village doesn't have a cat or dog? Apparently this one I guess. I pause for a moment a listen to see if I can hear anything. Nothing, just the sound of splashing water. No meows, no barking or anything else. Of course there could be mime cats or dogs too.

Wait a second that would explain why the village is so quiet. It is a village of mimes. That makes sense really.  *nod head* Do some hand signs and stuff to communicate with each other, like bats! The only thing different is that they, the mimes, paint their faces white and don't have wings as far as I know. I highly doubt the mimes hyper sonic screech to find their way around, although..... Hmmmm, no way to test it though.

But that would explain why the evil came here. Near the ocean where the octopi are and in a village of mimes. It would be worshipped in silence so not giving itself away to anyone passing through. That and mimes could set up invisible walls if the village was attacked and maybe they have other invisible things around, likes boats and planes. No way to see those but if I run into one I will know.

I take another step and peek around the corner of the building to see what is splashing and..... Flip back around and press myself against the wall.

Not a mime. Not at mime at all!


*****


Sitting there against the wall I try to run the situation through my mind, mime.... One image keeps flipping up; white face. Beret, white stripped shirt and gloves. None of which the creature at the fountain has. What I am seeing is a fish, not a cute little fish either. This thing I has legs and arms with webbed hands and feet. Scales all over in that are in moldy greens and browns.  A fin going down its arched back. It's face....yeah wow. Big white fish eyes that never blink, catching the sunlight just right that ups the creep factor. With a mouth full of sharp teeth that haven't looked like they have been brushed in long  time. Think piranha with a big case of the ugly that can walk and you are close.

I stay ninja silent as I watch the fish thing run its hands through the fountain's waters, bringing up handfuls of it up to its mouth which would just drain out through its teeth onto itself. Maybe it was hot and didn't want to get into the fountain, it wasn't that tall to be honest. It was just big, but not tall. You know hunched over and everything adds ten pounds I hear. So maybe it couldn't get in. Maybe it was thirsty, but the amount of water that was going out all over the ground was saying it was going to stay that way.

So enthralled by the scaled wonder I shuffled forwards a little and sent a pebble flying. I watched it in slow motion as it went flying, the whole time in my head I yelled a slow "Nnnnnnoooooooooo......." I thought for a second if I raced after it, I could maybe grab it out of the air and no one would be the wiser. A yoink and a ninja hide, but I think reality heard me and everything speed up and Whap!

Hello back of fish thingie's head meet pebble moving at an extreme speed. I watch as the fin mcfineson's body jerks forward right before catching itself on the edge of the fountain with both hands. Quickly it turns around to see if can spot something to take its pebble pain on.

If it was ugly before add a heaping side of pissed now. The look on its face was um.... Yeah I will go with um. What with the glaring, teeth and water dripping um fits perfectly well as a description. Luckily for me it didn't see me, hey maybe it can't see the cute and adorable. Yay for me! But I have to give it to fish nuggets it was determined. It looked at everything, slowly kneeling down to pick up the pebble as its other hand swept into the fountain's waters.

For a moment, I thought Mr. Gillyhead spotted me when it opened its mouth to pour water into it. Water quickly running through its teeth on to the ground below. Yeah I didn't need to see that. It continued to look around as it tossed the pebble up an down ready to throw it at something.

What to do? I don't mind eating fish sticks but with the teeth that I am seeing now, oh lord of the deep over there will be dipping me into tartar sauce and I don't want that. Monkey girls don't taste good with tartar sauce or in milk, I really don't know if either of those are true or anything. I just don't need to find out, a tmi thing maybe. That and that would be a very short and weird conversation.

"Hey monkey."

"Yeah?"

"You know you tastes good in milk, right?"

"What?" Followed by a nervous laugh as I start to walk away or just a faint, an adorable one though.

Fish hook from the roof? Nah, yeah it might fall for the power of the hook and everything. But like I said it has arms, where there are arms there are hands. Where there are hands there can be implements of ow. It would turn the whole fishing scene on its side if fish started carry swords or clubs. I think I caught a big one here. Let me just wind it in and.... Oh hey it has a THUMP THUMP THUMP!!!

What is left? Giant worm? Don't know where and if the bait shop would carry those? Bread crumbs? It has hands, it would want a sandwich and it might be picky. What you don't want a fish sandwich? Oh, oh yeah. You are a fish....so yeah it would be kind of odd and everything. A net? Fling and ha ha. You are powerless under the net. Again hands, it would pull the net off and probably wrap me up in it. Which would be embarrassing.

Hmm.... I can whap it with my stick. Probably wouldn't work since Mr. Hooks-a-lot looks like he has a pretty thick skull. Thump! Stare! Oh hi there my staff sort of slipped and whapped you. URGH! Hey stop! What are you doing? Stop! My staff doesn't go there. Stop! Stop! Stop!

I turn to look at Mr. Fish lips to see if I can get any ideas. Suddenly the silence, other than the splashing of fountain water, is broken by barking. A dog, that will take care of the creature from the ick lagoon.  The creature looks around, worried maybe, tilts its head up and starts to bark.

What the?

I hear the other bark reply and then several others off in that one direction.

Okay? Dogfish?

The thing of scales looks around one more time before tossing the pebble then awkwardly runs off down another street towards the other barking. Carefully I step out and then turn back the way I came, "I think I will go this way."

Of course I don't go to far since my tail has put its foot down. "Okay we will go that way." It always gets its way in arguments, I just can't say no to it.

So off that way we go. 



((Shhh we don’t want to be caught or seen. So going into ninja mode.))

[Catherine]

Hey if you ever needed to follow something and you get to choose. Pick a fish that walks on two feet. They aren't too fast and you can tell when they are about to stop and look back. No neck so there is no sudden head movement or anything. It is more, oh hey it's turning around so I better hide.

That and it is a fish and what do fish need? Water so even if they just happen to give you the slip, which they might with the scales, just look for the water bottles. They will be like a bread crumb path right to fishie fish, almost but not really guaranteed. It might like to recycle and everything.

But I stayed a safe distance behind fund and things. It doesn't take a mathematician to add one and one together and come up with two. I did hear barking and the fish barked so that meant there was other fish lips about. I didn't want to run into a school of them, suddenly finding myself surrounded by scales and fins. I can imagine their big eyes just staring as me as water drips out of their mouths. Yeah I could probably try and do some fancy moves and get away but with all of the water on the ground, I would slip and wind up on my back. Tail up in the air like a hook and that would just lead to trouble.

Could try and talk my way out of it. "Hey things..... You know we have somethings in common. Legs, arms and other body parts. All of which I love." They would just stare like fish do, mouths opening and closing. Nervous, I would rub the back of my head with a hand trying to think."Hey, I just thought of something else. I love fish sticks!" Eep, wrong choice of words and cower as the fish thingies jump or rush at me. Hey where did that one get the baseball bat from?

So safe distance away is safe.

Mr. Blub Blub went for a while, a couple blocks down then a right turn and another right turn followed by another. I paused as I turned the corner and took a step back, hiding in the shadows all ninja style, as two more fish fish appeared. They were built the same as the one I was following, one had slightly redder scales while the other had a scar crossing one eye. Again a what to do moment and the scales were on their side.

*mental hand to face* I can't believe I just thought that.

The only thing I can do is go back the way I came and I am pretty sure I would run into them again. "Oh hey things I thought I left you back....How did you get...... Okay...." Hands up and palms out towards the fish thingies as I back away. "It looks like you are busy and everything. I will just go this other way and leave you to what fish with hands  & feet do."  Fish jump and monkey overcomes.

I keep my imaginary hat in and add a light bulb for thinking. Ninja silent hmmmm.....

Suddenly out of nowhere a hand wraps around my mouth as I get yanked into a building. Whooza...Whatzaaaa....Howzaaa.... In moments the hands and yanking are gone and I am left in darkness.

Out of nowhere I hear a "shhhh....be quiet. They will go away soon."


((Always best to stop with a mysterious voice. Until next time...))

[Catherine]

"You know people don't like..." I start to say before being shushed.

"Be quiet. They will hear you."

"The fish," I say as I wipe a sliver of dust off a window to peek outside," they don't have ears. So kind of hard."

"They can and will if you keep jabbering."

"I am not jabbering, I am simply telling you that they are fish and everything," I reply a little steamed.

"Like I said jabbering or do I need to tell you the definition of jabbering. Yes they will hear you."

I look outside and can see the walking fish fingers standing there and in a weird sort of fish way it looked like they were talking and arguing. Barks ringing out every so often as they shifted back and forth, hands moving all over. "I still don't think they..." I started to say, stopping when the fishies stopped and looked in my general direction.

"Told you..."

It didn't take long for one of the fishies to come over to the window. Yeah from a distance they were well how I described them. Up and close and personal with only a little piece of glass between us that changed. It took it to the next level. Thank monkey,  the fish was fogging up the window with its breath as it stood there panting, trying to see what made the notice.

*ninja art of sounding like something else so the thing with teeth will just walk away technique*

"Squeak. Squeak. Squeak."

The key thing with this technique is to do just enough. There is a limit and if you go beyond that limit, you will know quickly. How you ask? Usually when the big sharp teeth start to separate, that is when you will know. Also key is to know what to sound like. If you do the wrong thing, you will stick out and you don't want that. For example, sounding like a moose is not good when you are trying to hide in a building. Know the limits and the surroundings.

I held my breath for a moment hoping I fooled the fish with teeth. Did it buy it, ninja style I asked myself. The fish exhaled once, fogging up the window even more before I think it joined the others. Kind of hard to tell through the fogged window and everything. Moments later there was some more barking and then the sound of webbed feet on the ground.

Quickly I exhaled, not realizing that I was holding my breath, as I turned around and with my back against the wall slide down.  After taking a couple breathes, I looked into the darkness trying to see who helped me.

"Thank you for helping me. Oh and I wasn't jabbering I was just talking."

"Same thing..." The person in the darkness answered back. For a moment I saw movement in the darkness and I squinted just a little to see if I could make out anymore details. That is all I needed really, to be saved from one thing with sharp teeth  by another thing with sharp teeth.

I could see a figure start to form out of the darkness as it got closer and close. Is that lobster claws for hands. Is that antennae? Am I talking to a walking lobster? Why is everything that tastes good dipped in butter, walking around here?

A hand slips into my bag and wraps around the Hyper Turbo Super Staff of whapping signed by Jackie Chan just in case. It is best to be in the 'just in case' mode then be caught in the 'flat on your butt' mode in a situation like this.

Closer the figure comes and I grip the staff a little more. I will only whap if necessary and it looks like it might be necessary. I swear I see claws, honest.

Any moment now and....

((Okay I must be dreaming or something. A talking lobster? Really? I mean I think the writer could have came up with something better))

[Catherine]

Well shoot, I mean whew. Not a walking lobster but a girl. Around five foot tall wearing pants and a shirt with running shoes, all worn and dirty. In fact one of the pant legs had duct tape wrapped around it. Another small strip of tape on her shirt.

The closer she got the more I could see of her. The darkness sort of does that, hides and makes things look like other things.  I swore I saw a walking lobster and I was preparing the butter. I really doubt if the girl would like me dipping her into butter. I could tell the girl had brown hair pulled back into a pony tail now and she was due fir a good long shower. With soap and shampoo too! Okay wow a little ripe.

She stopped out of arms reach, not that I would reach for her. "Then...." I started to say something before a finger touched my lips and the girl said "Shhhh......" Okay I didn't know where the finger has been recently but sampling the various tastes and smells I was getting from it, I would say yuck. Even all of my tastebuds and smellbuds said yuck, not a single one of them said let's try some more as I took a step back and spit.

Not on the girl, that would be rude. Yeah this is how we say 'Hi' from where I come from, formation of spit noise and spit on person. I spit off to the side to get all of the tastes and anything else away, away like over there away and not on my lips away. I know that it wasn't nice of me or anything and I do feel bad for doing it but it was nasty.

The look on the girl's face said it all and more. I tried to tell her that I am sorry for doing what I just did and got to about "Sor," when the finger started to come up and started to make a beeline towards my lips.

Quickly I raise a hand up and block the finger. *Defensive block!*

'Sorry...' I mouth to the girl as she pulls her finger away thinking. Suddenly a light bulb goes off over her head and I watch as the girl's hand starts to make weird well hand signs. Sort of can't do foot ones and definitely can't do tongue ones. That would be ick.

Okay,  I thought as the signs flew by quickly. Is she a magician? I shake my head, fighting off the spell and the girl repeats the hand signs again. Okay? I look around trying to figure out what the spell the girl is trying to cast and see nothing happening. Nothing floating. No rabbits popping out of nowhere. No cards flying about.

I turn back around to the girl who is repeating the hand gestures again. Behind me I can feel my tail bending and stuff. I look over my shoulder and can see it is contorting like the girl's hand.

Wait a second....

I have seen this before, quickly I look back at the girl and bring up my hand. Quickly my fingers start to dance, 'How much is the cheese? I don't not speak sign language.'

The girl stops and looks at me with a 'What the?' look.

I repeat the message , 'How much is the cheese? I don't not speak sign language.'

Eyes roll and the girl points at my tail, at that point I repeat my message , 'How much is the cheese? I don't not speak sign language.'

I can tell the girl is getting frustrated by the how red her cheeks are getting, "How do you explain that?" She asks pointing at my tail.


******


"Shhhh......." I tell the girl as I press with my own finger against my lips, I know where it is has been so all safe.

"Don't tell me to shhhh...." The girl growled as she scowled at me.

"But you told me to be quiet because of the fish."

"They were right outside and would have heard you. Then you did all of the things with your hands telling me about cheese and not speaking sign language over and over."

"Well I don't know how to speak sign language," I answered a little confused.

The girl pointed threw her hand up and pointed at my tail, "Then how do you explain that signing?" All I could do is shrug, "I don't know. Maybe it took a class or two on it."

"It is attached to you!" The girl growled again, slightly mad on the mad scale."If it took some classes, so did you."

I could feel my tail moving and gesturing behind me, what it was saying I don't know really. "I didn't take any sorry."

"Then," the girl said pointing at the tail again, "How do you explain your tail signing? It knows it and it is clearly attached to you." Crossing her arms as she smiled.

"It just does," I answer matter of factually.

The girl stomped a foot, "That isn't an answer. It is your tail so you have to know sign language."

"All I know is 'I don't speak sign language' and 'how much is the cheese'. She..." I say pointing back to my tail, "knows a lot. I am amazed sometimes, you know once I saw her Hotwire a car with my eyes closed. I still have yet to figure that out."

"That doesn't even make sense."

I reached and pat my tail gently,"Tell me about it, sometimes I think she has a mind of her own." My tail nods a little, "See."

"Ugh, it is attached to you. It is your tail. It is you controlling it." The girls says stomping a foot.

"I am just telling you what I know." My tail sweeps in front of me, without any thought I reach up and start to pet it like a villain pets a cat.

The girl brings up one of her hands and rubs the bridge of her nose, "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Well..." I start to answer as my tail sweeps back behind me, "I am Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me Monkey. For obvious reasons," I smile and point to my tail,"I was told there is some great evil or something here and I had to come here and stop it. Although what I have been told it has tentacles and bat wings so I am sort of iffy on wanting to see or touch it." Shivering a little at the image in my mind of tentacles and wings.


I watch as the girl thinks for a moment, "I ....."

BANG!

[bj((Leaving you with a BANG! Is it a gun? Is just a bangfish? Find out next time...))[/b]

[Catherine]

Something hard and heavy crashes outside the window and we both freeze. Quietly and all ninja like I sneak over to the window to see what caused the bang. I expected to see one of the fishie fish but nothing was there. "Um..." I quietly say as I start to turn back around to the girl and Ina flurry of action find myself being pushed down.

"What the?" I try to say and get out about "Wh" as a finger gets pressed onto my lips and then  into my mouth. "Shhh......" I hear the girl say as I reach up and pull her finger out of my mouth with a little pop, "It's a dog!"

"Really, what type?" I start to say but stop when I see the finger starting to come towards my lips. I pull away a little as I shake my head and do the 'zipped lips' hand motion, hoping that the girl knows about it. For a moment she falters, almost like once started a lip pressing can't be stopped. Luckily the girl puts her hand down, which I will have to remember later, just in case another finger pressing incident happens to pop up. Her finger already didn't taste good, now with everything on the floor mixed in. I would say blargh! It would be like tasting something blargh! I have no other words to describe it, there are some tasty ones but since it wouldn't be tasty I cannot use those to describe the taste. My lips would probably tingle and go numb too, with what might be on the floor. I don't need that, have you tried slurping on a banana milkshake with numb lips? It dribbles and drips down the front of you. A waste of banana gold! I can't have that. No no.

SLURP!

Mmm.... Still good. Have I told you that the banana milkshake is good? What? I have? Okay it is really good though. Banana gold....

Suddenly the sound of nails on a chalkboard fills the room, immediately every hair on my body and some that aren't stands up as I grit my teeth. What in the world is doing this? I don't know if I thought too loud or something but the girl points up towards the window.  I look back for a moment and immediately flip around because of what I see slowly going up the window.

Hands with nails, long sharp snails scratching against the glass. Who or whatever is is needs to get their nails trimmed. Those things could put an eye out the not fun way. Back rubs would be an experience too! Not a fun experience at all. Ow stop.... That doesn't tickle that POP! What was that ? It sounded like a balloon. Are you making ballon animals back there? Can you make me a giraffe? What, it wasn't a balloon, it was what? My lung? Why did you? POP! Please tell me that was a balloon...

We both sat there watching the hands go up to the tip of the window. Then the nails push into the seem at the top. What is it doing? Then with a tug it pulled the window down a little.

Maybe it was trying to let in some fresh air in to the building. Hey you girls look like you need some fresh air let me open this window, in a way. That would nice fresh air is always good. That is when I saw the little glowing thing slipping through the opening. It was so..... Pretty..... I just wanted to reach out and touch it. It looked so.... Glowie. Wow......

Mesmerized I start to push myself off the floor, a hand going out to touch the glowie thing. It looked so......wow...... Just a touch, I will be gentle. The glowie will like it. It looks so soft just sitting there glowing. It wants me to touch it..... Hi little glowie, can I touch you. It bobbed up and down, it says yes. I will be gentle, I promise little glowie.

I reach out and just about to touch it when I am pushed to the floor, "What are you doing?" The girl whisper growls in my ear. "The glowie wants to be petted," I answer back.

My head is yanked up and a silent ninja slap is applied  with a silent SMACK!

"What is that for?" I sort of cry whisper to the girl. The girl answers with a point to the glowie thing. So soft...... So glowie....

SMACK!

"That is the dog, it uses the glowing thing to lure things out and then...." The girl pauses and brings a hand up squeezes it together like a big mouth with teeth. "But glowie...." I said looking back at glowie.

"Glowie has teeth and knows how to use them," is all the girl said to pull my attention away from the glowie. "They have poor hearing and unlike the fishmen, their sight is really good. They use that thing...." The girl points at glowie,"to lure prey in. When it gets close they pounce. Think of them as big predator cats with a rave glow stick strapped to their heads and you get it. I lost some of my friends to them at first, now we know better to follow glowing things at night. Willow wisps are bad, thankfully most of them are sleeping at this time of day. The hunters never sleep, well we have never seen them sleep and they love the thrill of the chew."

I looked back up the glowie as it slowly withdrew, in a way still wanting to touch it but the whole teeth thing kept my hand still. The whole nails on chalkboard came back when the dog dragged its nails down the window and pushed it back up.

For a few minutes when sit there waiting. Just in case something else wants to stick something through the window or come through the door. If something comes through the wall or floor i will....I will....

NINJA NERVOUS SLURP!

Not sure, but it will be something. "So...." I say putting the banana milkshake back where it is safe. "What happened here? I know it is fishing village and everything but yeah... What is the 411?"

*****


The girl flipped around and crossed her legs before she started to talk.

"A couple of guys were diving off shore a couple months back and  found something chained up on the bottom. Covered with barnacles and stuff they tried raising it, but no matter what they did, nothing could lift it. I can't remember everything they tried but I do remember hearing they almost lost a boat once in one attempt. Nearly flipped when the ropes broke sending the boat to the other side. Several people had to learn how to swim real fast then.

You think people  would have given up then but no. A couple found an old hydraulic wench and took it down to the water front. After bolting it all in and reinforcing it, they started it up and brought the thing to shore. If you go down you can actually see deep gouges in the stone where it was dragged.

I did get to go down and look at it while the chains were still on. It was strange, all it looked like was a piece of rock with thick chains wrapped around it. There was no locks or anything, in fact there was no end to the chain as far as we could tell. No one could figure out how or why the thick chains was wrapped the rock. It really defied logic, something that thick wrapped around something, with no way to tighten it, didn't make sense.

Talking about the chains, those were old and  weathered. Rust was developing on all of them and they looked brittle. Again everything was tried on them; saws, metal shears, blow torches and someone actually came up with some acid.  Nothing could hurt or destroy those chains. We did manage to find a stamp on them, dating it to the founding days of the village but that was it. So there that thing sat.

We tried to do some research on it but found nothing. There would have to be some mention of it somewhere you would think. Especially with the stamp, but we found nothing. It was like it never existed or was erased from the village's history.

But strange things started happening around town. People started to have  fits of madness, dropping what they would be doing and going down to the thing and stand there until someone came and got them. All of the village's cats and dogs started to disappear without a trace. We thought a large predator might have been hunting them now, but we found no traces of any nearby. The final blow was the fishing, which the village relied on, dried up all of a sudden it seemed like all of the fish just left.

That was it, the people of the village meet one day in the town hall to decide what to do with the thing. The village's problems didn't start until it was brought to shore and everyone knew that. It would be easy just to shove it back to where it came but some people argued against doing that. People got louder and louder, harsh words were said and that is when it happened."

"What?" I asked, straw dropping out of my mouth.

"There was a loud sound of stone and metal shattering. We all somehow knew what it was but was to scared to go look at that moment. When we finally did gather up the nerves to go down, we saw the remains of the rock and chains laying there.

That is when the first wave of fish men and hunters arrived. Some of us fought back while the others ran and hide. That is what we have been doing every since, hiding. Praying it was all just a nightmare."

SLURP!

"Umm... Why didn't you just leave?" I asked without blinking.

"No matter how bad it gets. I can't leave the village that and a group did try and were never seen again. We did hear screaming though."

"Screaming isn't good," I replied as my tongue searched for the straw.

"No it isn't and that is where we are at now." The girl answered, "oh yeah if you want, you can call me Rachel. I don't like being called ‘Hey you’ or anything.”


******

"So I guess if I want to find what I am looking for, I should look down by the water. Which makes sense with what I gave told so far, tentacles and everything."  I say shivering at the end as I imagine tentacles slowly wrapping around me, the little suckers suckering on and everything. Leaving little circles marks all over my body and going POP POP POP as they did. Only one way to relievebt he shivers.

SLURP!

Yeah that hit the spot. Slowly I spun around as I crossed my legs, milkshake carefully nestled in them. Straw pointed up in the perfect slurping position. Not to forward, not to far back. Perfectly centered side to side so no incidents occur, like a straw up the nose. Ick! Booger straw! That would ruin the whole banana milkshake experience and I can't have that. No no. No booger straws for the Banana gold.

"Now have you seen a book about so and so, " motioning with my hands to approximate size of the book. "It is probably black and zaps you for some reason when you touch it." If Earl's horse and buggy was alarmed, I am guessing the book is to. It would be a good way to fight bookworms and deter reading. Mommy I want to read this black book it looks cool. ZAP! Ow! I really want to read it. ZAP! I really want to...ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! I...ZAP! Forget it, reading is for dummies. Written words are so blah. Libraries would go out of business if their books zapped. Kids would be scared to go there. No mommy, don't make me go to the library. Books could be used as punishment and not in the paddle on the bottom way either. Don't make me get the book young lady. Let me just slip on the protective glove and.... No.... I will be good.

Rachel thought for a moment,"Yeah I did see an old book like that right after   some stranger showed up. A guy dressed like a mariachi person."

"That would be Beanie. Where did you see the book last?"

Rachel got up and motioned for me to follow. We left the room and went to the far side of the next one over. With the side of her hand she cleaned a little spot on the window. "Over in the old church by the water," she said pointing at the glass.

I stepped up and looked through and could see the steeple pointing up to the sky, making sure everyone knew which way was up. Right at that very moment the bell donged or tolled, whatever bells do. I have yet to figure out how bells toll. How much do they charge and where do you put the change? Listen to a bell, does it sound like it is going 'tttttoooooooolllllllllllll'? Nope it sounds like 'dong', plain and simple.

*ninja girl definition time, donged - the past tense of the sound a bell makes. Not toll, they don't make that sound. *

The dong was well dong. It wasn't ding and really the best way to describe it was dong, Its sound reverberated throughout everything and I mean everything. It felt like the dong came from everywhere,almost like the bell rang the village. Low and mournful and the sound felt forced out and slow.

"Yeah I didn't need that," I said turning back towards Rachel, "Well I guess I have to go to the church first. I promised an Earl, I would get his book back and maybe it is tied in some way."

"How?" Rachel asked.

"Earl was special in a special sort of way," I answered.,

"Ooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy?" Rachel said as she cocked an eyebrow.

"Kind of hard to explain really. Let's say Earl is rememberable. Once you meet him, you would never forget him."

"Ooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy?" Rachel said as she cocked the eyebrow even more.

"You have to trust me on that. You will probably meet him someday maybe and when you do you can say, 'I have heard about you Earl.' and you can share some stories or something, just don't give him anything to eat."

"Ooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy?" Rachel said as she cocked the eyebrow even more. I was amazed on how much she could cock her eyebrow to be honest. Never seen one go that cocked. World record maybe.

"Anyways," I say with a half hearted dismissive wave,"care to join? You know the village way better than I do and probably than fish sticks and water dog." Hey that sounds like a tv show. This week on fish sticks and water dog, they bust a black market gummy bear ring. Just in case anyone gets any ideas. STAMP! It is now trademarked, copyrighted and anything else, just saying.

"Sure," Rachel answered as I opened the door just enough to see if there was any scales walking around.

"Let's go!"   

((Famous last words. Oh wait they are for this time...))

[Catherine]

We hit the ground sneaking, Rachel in the lead. It would be kind of stupid if I lead. I don't know the village other than the streets I have been on and that is a not really really. I know there are streets and everything but that is about it. See there is one now *proudly point*.

We hit the corner of the building and peek around just to make sure, those fish guys can be pretty sneaky. Not ninja sneaky but fishy sneaky and sometimes that is pretty sneaky. Smelly though so not olfactorial stealthy, especially on a warm day. Phew!

There is some movement, but it is a couple blocks away and we aren't going that way anyways so no worries. We stay low though and hunch over just in case. From a distance we might be mistaken as a fishie and just to add an air of authenticity I do the whole fishie face thing. Hands to the side of my face and everything. Which I think did good enough that I might fool some up close, even the fishies.

As soon as we cross Rachel turns and immediately brings her hand to her face, "What are you doing?"

"What?" I ask answer as de hunch.

"The whole hands to the side of face and the lips thing."

Before I answer I do the fish face one more time and drop my hands, "I was trying to be as believable as possible and I thought if I did that I would get into the role better and fool more things."

"No....." Rachel whisper moaned as she dropped her hand down to her side.

"I am not too sure, look around. Do you see any walking fish sticks? No you don't, they probably saw me and thought 'Hey that street is being checked out by a new person so let's check over here from from over there'"

Rachel just shook her head as she turned away, "I doubt that."

"Maybe..." I said smiling

"Again, doubt it and let's go."

"Okay,"  I reply as I stat to follow Rachel, while accepting an award for best fish face in my head. *mentally blowing kisses at all my imaginary fans as I accept the award.*

What can I can say about the alley? Not much really., if you have been in one alley you already have an idea of the alley I am in now. Garbage cans and bins all over. I nice interesting smell. Papers blowing in a nonexistent and a smell that screams fish. Oh and that four legged thing with the glowing tail heading towards us.

Without any thought I toss myself against the side of the alley as Rachel does the same thing, thankfully against the other wall. If she threw herself against my wall and got me there would have been a loud gasp and hiding would have been really hard.

Fingers crossed, I sit there as the dog gets closer snd closer. Maybe we will be lucky. Fingers crossed since it has a lot of teeth and pointy things.


******


I have to look, Rachel said they have bad poor eyesight and everything, so a quick look won't hurt. I lean over just a little, not enough to be spotted hopefully and look. One question comes to mind when I see the dog, who comes up with these things?

I mean it looks like a mix of shark and feral dog, not pretty. Not pretty what so ever. Small beady eyes and mouth full of teeth, I am not even sure how it closes its mouth that is how full of teeth the dogs mouth is. I think its teeth has teeth. Its tongue, which keeps coming out like a dog, is constantly dripping. What is dripping from it is beyond me and I am not sure and how it is not being sliced up by the teeth. I will tell you this, I don't want to be licked by it. No way, no how. Nope nope. The tongue and myself will not be friends, there will be no tongue hugs today. Not like I would pet the dog anyways, like I said shark. So think shark walking on four legs that are webbed I think and clawed. Would you pet a shark that likes to nom? I think not and if you say otherwise you are lying and if you dare me I will block the dare with a defensive dare block.

The dogs tail is long and it looks prehensile from here. Maybe the glowie thing is fragile and needs to be kept from banging around. Can't be glowie if the glowie is broken. A little tap on something and CRACK, like a glass jaw but in tail form. There it was though, bobbing up and down calling to me. It wanted me to touch it, it would be really happy if I did.

"Come touch me", It told me in glowie speak, "I am soft like a big cotton ball."

I nodded a little and started pushing myself off the wall. It was so close, I needed to... Suddenly I was snapped back to reality by a hiss, did I spring a leak? Looking down I didn't see any noticeable leaks then I heard the hiss again coming from across the alley. Did Rachel have a leak? When I looked towards her, I can see Rachel motioning with her head in a frantic motion.

"What?" I mouthed to her and she jerked her head forward. Is her head getting to heavy?. She jerked her head forwards again. Does she want to head butt me? That isn't nice. I shook my head just in case for the head butting. That is when i felt a tapping on my shoulder, quickly I looked to the side and saw my tail sitting there. Pointing past me and I turned my head to see what it was pointing at.

Oh Monkey!

I pressed myself against the wall as quickly and ninja like as possible, trying to blend in with the shadows  of the bricks. Taking in a deep breath I held it as the dog walked by, its class scrapping the ground as it did. I will tell you this, someone needs to take a bath wow. *imaginary fanning face to get the oh so not fresh smell away* I learned something in that moment and the many moments that followed. I can hold my breath for a long time and not really pass out. My eyes can water though, all thanks to the dog's smell.

The dog continued to walk down the alley and started to turn the corner when I exhaled. Red lights started to go off in my head as I did that and I didn't know why until I saw the claws coming back around the corner followed by the dogs head, mouth open of course. It knew we, well something was there and. It let out a low guttural growl to say hello followed by another to say it was going to nom.

Since I was the one gasping and since it was going to find us sooner or later, I pushed myself off the wall. "Hello my name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, you smell like really stinky fish and you really need to brush your teeth. Can you maybe just..." I wave a hand in the air, "we aren't the people you are looking for."

The dog growls and continues to come back towards us.

"Well shoot, I thought it would have worked"

GROWL....

******

FINAL ROUND!

Wait what? How can this be the final round? There was no rounds before this and I did ask.

FINAL ROUND!!

I am thinking that some steps were skipped. Like the the first round and such. We cannot have a final without a first. That only makes sense, look it up in the dictionary. Final means the end and to have an end there has to be a beginning.

FINAL ROUND!!!

Okay, okay I get it. What with the three exclamation points and everything. This is the final round. I will be dropping a comment in the comment box after this is done though, about the whole skipping of rounds thing, there is a rhyme and reason to everything and this does neither.

The timer hasn't really started when the dog closes the space between us, mouth open and claws ready. With a slash of its claws it attacks, WOOSH and I jump backwards, dodging the attack. Before I can do anything it lunges for me, mouth open and teeth ready to do what teeth do best. I think for a moment since thar is all I have and take advantage of the natural inhabitants of the alley.

I stomp a foot and up flies a garbage can lid at just the right time and place WHAP! and the dog eats metal. It looked like it might have been low actually, a little thin and stuff. The dog scratches the ground as it comes to a stop, which is a hair raising sound like the window was. Ugh! Does it know how long it will take for me to get my hair done zand everything? I bring a hand up, trying to flatten some of my hair as I watch the dog crunch fight with the garbage can lid eventually just crunching it between it teeth. Eep!

For a moment it just sits there trying to stare me down. Wait a second I think it might be staring past me. Let's check real fast.

*imaginary run over to dog and put my head on top of its head to see where it is looking at. Okay maybe it was looking at me, can't be to sure though. Wipe my head with an imaginary wet wipe, can't be to sure about imaginary bugs or ick and then run back to where I was then take an imaginary breath of air. It takes a little out of you if you do a lot of imaginary things. Imaginary wipe forehead. Whew!*

I crouch down just a little, preparing myself for something and not expect the side thing that happened. For a split second the dogs cheeks bulged out like a little frog before it burps. Then....... I guess like a frog its tongue came shooting out at me. Tine slowed down for a moment as I told myself that I should have seen this coming. I promptly agreed with myself as time caught up and the dogs tongue came shooting at me.

"Oh, no...no...no..." I said shaking my head as I started to bend backwards, away from the oncoming tongue. I bend, bend more and even more as I watch the tongue luckily zip past. With my hands on ground and the top of my head touching, which I will need to clean now, my feet come up and both connect to the bottom of the dogs jaw slamming it shut on its tongue. The dog  yips in pain as my feet continue their upward movement carrying me back into an upright position and with a little jump and spin back on my feet looking at the dog.

*ninja tip - if you are getting up,make sure you are looking at whatever is nearby. If not well you might be in for a surprise. Not a good one either.*

You might be asking yourself, where is Monkey's banana milkshake. I might answer you with it is over there and point. It is somewhere safe and out of the way. No banana gold will be spilled this day.

I expected the dog to sit there crying, I know how much it hurts when you bite your tongue but nope it just opens its mouth and the tongue just shots back with a wet slap back into its mouth. Then with a snap the dog closes its mouth and for some added effect liquid drips from between its teeth.

"Okay doggie, please just go." I tell the dog and it responds with a growl. "I will take that as a no." Which the dog responds with another growl, I hope this one was a growl and not something else.

Carefully I start to walk backwards, away from the teeth, claws and growl. In a blink it is on me, well where I was at least. I spring up onto the wall and then spring to the other, away from all of this. *motion towards the dog* I continue this springing all over  off the walls hoping to get some advantage, the dog tracking me the whole time. I think I found an opening when the dog does something not dog like.

It springs towards one of the alley's wall and digs it claws in. "Hey that isn't allowed," I shout knowing it leaving holes which will need to be fixed later by someone.

Hanging there, using my cuteness and adorability on gravity I guess, I watch the dog slowly ascend. When did dogs learn to climb? I need to take the advantage, I tell myself and spring towards the dog. Shoving my hand into my bag quickly to pull out my super turbo staff of whapping out.

That is when the 'what the?' Moment happened. How big of a what the? Well the dog sprang of the wall  towards me, catching me by surprise. Before I could do something it wrapped its arms around me and flipped backwards.

AQUA SHARK DOG THINGIE WITH TEETH AND CLAWS PILEDRIVER ATTACK!

I could see the ground streaking toward me and all I could hear in my head was 'This is going to hurt', what I heard on the outside was the whistling of the air as we shot downwards at an extreme speed. I don't know how we got so fast, maybe the dog had a jet pack on or something but we were and like I said the end of the fall was coming up quickly and it didn't look soft.

((Fly like an eagle until I fall and hit the ground. Wait that isn’t how the song goes... until next time.))

[Catherine]

Two words were flying over and over in my mind as we plummeted to the ground, not good! Of course they were getting louder and louder the closer we were getting to the ground, so at this point they were being yelled and still getting louder which I didn't know was possible.

I tried to do something, getting free for example but the dog had its arms and legs around me tight. So all I could do is squirm, watch the ground getting closer and closer then imagine the headache I was going to have.  Looking at the ground it looked like a couple of aspirin, then a couple more, bed rest with a big pillow and banana milkshake will do the trick.

Okay this isn't good, I am seeing red flashing lights and hearing a siren now. What was that? Something just flashed in front of my eyes and it wasn't red. It wasn't my life was it? Can someone rewind the tape and play it back for me, my hands are sort of tied up at the moment. Cool, thank you. Wow I don't remember that part. Ok, I have never been there before but it looks like I am enjoying it. That isn't fair really a flashback gets to visit a place that I can't though. Humph!

Without warning my staff shoots out, one end of the super turbo hyper extending towards the ground. With a loud crack it hits the ground and immediately I am stopped, the dog isn't though. For a moment it is funny watching the dog realizing I am no longer there and it is still streaking towards the ground. Its beady eyes getting bigger as its arms and legs started to flail about trying to find me. Unsuccessful of course since I am up here and it is going down there.

It was like watching a cartoon when the dog hit the ground. WHAM! Its arms and legs shot straight out and everything. I am sure if the dog fell better, at a different trajectory or something,  there would be a dog shaped hole in the ground. I did see stars and aqua birdies flying around its head though.

Hanging off my pole I looked over towards Rachel, "How come you didn't join in?"

"I wanted to remain hidden, just in case." Rachel answered without moving.

"Just in case of wha...." I started to say as the dog pushed itself off the ground, looked up as it grabbed my staff and started to shake. Mouth open of course to catch any falling monkey girls.


"Hey stop," I said holding on with both hands as the dog jerked the pole back and forth and every other way. Around the alley I shot, almost hitting the walks sometimes, "You need to stop this. I am going to urp and you will have to clean up the alley!"

The dog didn't stop and I think I was starting to turn green. Suddenly there was a loud sound of breaking glass and the staff came to a rest. Looking down I could see a shattered bottle in Rachel's hands and the dog was now out again, this time hopefully for good or long enough for us to beat feet.

"That is the reason why," Rachel said again with a little smile, "it didn't know I was here and so I could get the drop on it just in case."

With a little bit of this and a little bit of that I sprang to the side as the staff collapsed. With one swift move I swung it around and shoved it back into my bag. "Tie it up?"

"Of course." Rachel answered as she snapped some extension cord, not sure where she got it since she didn't have it a moment ago but she had it. In moments the dog was hogtied and gagged. *click* New record set for hogtying a dog.

"Let's get going," we both said at the same time, "jinx!"

As we took off down the alley, milkshake on head of course, I look back at the dog and....

BANG!

Run into a garbage can. I really should pay attention to where I am going and not where I have been.

"Sorry," I tell Rachel as I pick myself off the ground and clean myself off. All she did was roll her eyes before taking off again, me following and paying attention to the right direction, forwards.


*****

We make fast work of the rest of our route to the cathedral. No accidental run ins or anything. For a moment we thought we ran into a fishie in one alley. From a distance. It had the distinct fishie shape, when we got up close though we saw otherwise.

"Pppfffhhhtttt," I said dismissively, not sounding like a mouth fart, as we got close and saw it was an oddly shaped pile of garbage. Strangely placed in just the right place so we could find it. Odd that it was shaped the way it is. Odd that it was placed where it is. Maybe someone sculpted and placed it here as a warning. This way be fishies or something like that. I have to remember if we run into the fishie garbage sculptor to give him or her something to clean their hands with. Some of what was used was let's say ick, I would never have imagined using them for that purpose. Of course it could have been a natural thing but it didn't feel that way, it felt garbage unnatural.

The closer we got to the church the scarier it looked. I don't know if it always looked like this but if it did, it wasn't somewhere I wanted to be. The church itself was made of stone, but the stone looked darkened. Like some great fire had toasted it on high. Everything about it said dark, even the shadows said they were darker than most shadows. Coming up to the back of the church, come on you can't have an alley at the front of a church, that it against something or another. Look at the rules if you doubt me, page thirty three article v section twenty one paragraph three sentence two. No alley shall run to the front of a place of worship, this we bequeath or something. Not like I have it memorized or anything.

Now being up close and not so personal with the church I can see it in its well it. "Wow...." Is the only thing I can say as I crane my head back to take in the outside of the church. Everything about it looks burnt in one way or another. The wood looks dark and burnt. The stain glass windows where soot covered and darkened. I would guess they were brightly colored once but now not so much. Someone should really get some glass cleaner , get up there and clean them.  Nothing that I could see, said house of worship unless you worshipped the dark and sooty. Which if you do, that is okay not judging you or anything I can't imagine you wearing white to church though. Hey maybe this is a church for chimney sweeps. Do you see the light, the preacher would say. The whole congregation would say yes...... Then the preacher would raise his hands, that Is the chimney opening go to the light.

"So how do we get in?" I ask,"the dramatic way and through the windows?"

Rolling her eyes, Rachel answered a "No." Then pointed to the front of the church, "Through the front doors."

"Ummm... Isn't there any other doors?"

"Yes, but they are chained and locked from the inside." Rachel answered.

"But won't anyone see us if we go through the front. I mean there are Windows."

"No one will see us and forget about the Windows. We are not jumping through the windows. Why would we jump through them in the first place?"

"They do in the movies and if we are going through the front door it will just be eh," I answer.

Before I could do anything, Rachel grabs a hold of my arm and starts to pull me towards the front of the church, "then we are going eh,"

"Ok........"

((Let’s take a moment and well take a moment.))

[Catherine]

From the side, the church looked bad but from the front the church looked ominous, that is ominous with a capital 'O' too. Which isn't good for churches, it gives the wrong message. Just think about it, but here I will drop a hint it is sort of a retro though. Lightening CRACK BOOM!

It felt like the whole church was watching you, a lone light glowing in the center of the large round stain glass window helping with that. I turned to Rachel, "Hate to ask but has it always looked like this."

"No, it changed after the stone shattered and the book showed up," Rachel answered matter of factually .

"Okay, just wanted to make sure. Didn't know if the village wanted to go with the whole vengeful God feel."

Rachel answered with an "Ah no," as she started to walk up to the church. Of course I was following, one eye on the whole eye of mordor thing going on with window. 'One ring to rule them all', kept running through my mind as I walked up. If a little short guy comes running out saying 'My precious' he will be whapped. He will get out 'my' and the whapping will commence.

Like all doors on creepy buildings, when Rachel pulled on the handle to open it up, the door creaked. Why no one considers oiling the hinges in old buildings is a mystery. Maybe they think the creaking adds to the whole feeling of old. All I can tell you is that it doesn't help when you are trying to be all Ninja stealth like. I will just sneak in crreeeeaaaakkkkkkk oh shoot. Oh hi guys in robes don't mind me I will just sit right here and watch your secret ceremony and not be a bother, so please continue.

We gave it a moment just to be on the safe side to see if anything ow related would come in our general direction. Like they usually do at the wrong times, just when you think you are in the clear something sharp decides to poke you. When nothing happened we slipped inside, instantly blending into the darkness within.

Like ninjas we hugged the wall as we looked around. Dust and spider covered everything even the pews that were strewn all over. In the center of the church stood a stand. On that stand lighted dramatically from a lone light streaming from above was a book.

I jagged Rachel with my elbow before taking a step towards the book. I got about a half step in before being pulled back against the wall. 'What the?' I growled with my eyes towards Rachel.

She answered 'shrimp'.


****


Quickly I turned go her, "That wasn't nice. I know I am not that tall but you don't have to rub it in. I mean you aren't that much taller than I am."

"No..." Rachel replied and pointed back towards the book, "shrimp!"

"Stop  calling me a shrimp," I started to say as I looked in the direction of the book. Little shapes about knee level appearing out of the darkness, "What are those?"

"Shrimp!"

"Will you stop calling me that," I said turning back to Rachel, quickly putting my hand on top of my head and taking it over to Rachel," see I am not that much shorter than you."

"No, those things are shrimp," she replied motioning with a hand towards the shapes again.

I turned to look back at the shapes. They did look like shrimp in a way but they didn't match the definition. Shrimp are usually small but these things were huge. It would take a lot of cocktail sauce to eat one, probably have to go to one of those warehouse places to get enough.

"Holy chicken of the sea," I said watching the shrimp march out,"isn't there anything normal here. You have fish that walk, whatever those dog things are and now land shrimp."

"Not since the rock shattered and the book showed up really."

"Great..." I say looking at the shrimp. I could see that these looked different from the shrimp that I have eaten before, well other than the size. Some had two massive claws , while others had one huge claw and one really small one. "Okay, I am hoping you can tell me about the whole claw thing because I don't remember shrimp having claws that look like they could pound nails into wood with."

"Well...." Rachel said pointing to the ones with twin big claws, "those are hammer shrimp. You can imagine what they do with their claws. I have seen them pound cinder blocks into dust trying to get to people. I would not recommend getting hit by one."

"Wasn't planning to, how about the other ones?"

"Those are called pistol shrimp," Rachel answered, "the big claw can be used to pound like the hammer shrimp. But....."

"That makes sense but there is a but and that means something special."

"Yeah there is something special. You see they can fire bubbles out of their big claw at high velocity and..."

"Shoot bubbles that, " I started to say before a finger started to come towards my lips which immediately got be to shit up.

"I wasn't done yet, the bubbles are at high velocity but when they burst. You know the sun?"

"Big glowing orb in the sky, yes."

"When the bubbles burst, they are that hot." Rachel continued with a little bursting hand movement. She turned around and pointed towards the stone wall behind us,"Do you see those circular indentations? Those are day see by the pistol shrimp's bubbles."

"So instant third degree burn if a bubble hits. Got it!" I turn to look at the shrimp as they encircle the book and start chittering. In a way it sounded like they were talking, no singing really. Slowly they would move around the book, raising and lowering their claws. When they got to a certain part of the sing they would fall to the ground and then start the whole song and dance again.

On and on they continued, their tune was catchy though and I actually caught myself starting to hum it. Then I stopped and turned io Rachel, "they are singing ring around the Rosie?" Rachel nodded. "Why?"

"We have yet to figure that out. There are stories that there is some secret meaning to the song but how the shrimp know about it is a unknown." Rachel answered as we continued to watch the shrimp dance.

"Do I want to know the secret meaning?" I asked. Rachel leaned over and whispered into my ear, "okay yeah I didn't need to know that."

"I know but it adds to the strangeness." Rachel reloaded and I nodded, "yes it does.."

At that very moment something landed behind us, a pigeon probably, they always find their way into old shadowy buildings that could be home to something weird. Quickly we turned and before we could do anything there was a sound of something going BANG!

Something streaked over our shoulders and hit whatever that fell. Instantly whatever it was vaporized in a hail of bubbles, a 'coo' was all that was left.

"Maybe they will..." I start to say when holes started to appear in the pew around us. "They are on to us! This is so going to ruin trips to seafood places."


*****

Back to pew, I pull out the Boy Scout manual. It might have something, it has before over and over. If I make it out of this I will need to look up the people who wrote it and give them a hug, they did an amazing job. That is an amazing with a capital 'A' too.

"How can you read at a time like this?" I heard Rachel growl as more BANGS filled the air, the pew quickly disintegrating around us sending toothpicks into the air.

"This might help," I answer as I start to flip through the book. How to read backwards when you are reading forwards. Well that is strange, I guess that helps you find the hidden meaning of words. You would never be able to finish a sentence, you would get so far and then kick your reading in reverse. Then you would start again a get a major case of Deja vu, I think I have read this before and this reverse stuff too. FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. Acorns, the other white meat. Maybe for squirrels and chipmunks but a mouthful of acorns would be hard on the teeth. Mmmm.... Stays crunchy in milk and everything else. CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH. Yeah just like granola but more natural. They can market it that way, one hundred percent natural grown on trees. Squirrel and chipmunk approved, two thumbs up if they have thumbs. Pass on that. FLIP. There is a reason why unicorns only have one horn, their deep dark secret. Interesting.... Quickly I read down the page. Oh my monkey. That explains everything. Especially the whole princess thing. I never imagined it was a symbiotic relationship, the princesses actually.... Quickly I look around trying to see if there are any princesses floating around. *mental wipe hand across forehead* Whew! If the manual is correct and it has been so far, once you get a princess attached to you they are near impossible to get off.

For a moment I am pulled back to the moment as mini explosions happen all around me. Come on..... I take the page flipping to the next level and remove any pauses. FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP. Here you go, shrimp - don't be fooled by their name. Tiny warriors, fear them before they dip you in cocktail sauce. Well that isn't good, that would be hard to clean off. Quickly I run through the pages, enlightened by the end on shrimp. That and there is a recipe at the end that sounds yummy.

I close the book and put it back in the bag before flipping over and peeking over what is left of the pew. Through the flying of many bubbles, I could see that there was two shrimp firing at us. The two hammer time ones was behind them, towering over their pistol packing brothers or sisters.

Strategically they had us trapped. When the pistols stopped firing the hammers would come in for the ground and pound. Smashing whatever wasn't full of holes and even those that are full of holes.

"Have any ideas?" I ask Rachel flipping back around and press my back against the pew. Rachel answered with a shake of her head as splinters showered down onto us. Suddenly in a puff of non ninja smoke a lightbulb appeared above my head, "I think I have an idea," I told Rachel. In a shower of sparks a bubble takes out my thought.

"Grrr......."

I think harder and out of thin air a glow starts to appear where the bulb was, shaped like a light bulb. For a moment it sparks brighter and then is gone.

"Okay I think I got an idea," I lean in an whisper to Rachel for a couple moments. "Got it?" I ask leaning back and Rachel nodded.

"Ready....steady and go!"

((And go.... Have a merry Christmas everyone if you celebrate it.))

[Catherine]

We split up, well not literally spilt since that would be painful and messy. But I take off this way and Rachel takes off that way. We both stay low, don't need to take a bubble to the head. A friendly not going so fast that It zips through wood and when it pops can melt stone bubble would be nice but there is none of those around. In fact there is a lack of those around here, I would think with all of the fish based things around here there would be more fun bubbles floating about. Maybe they are being oppressed. I shall take up the fight for bubbles that don't incinerate you when they pop.

For a moment I stand proud, hearing the imaginary cheering of those innocent fun bubbles. Then I feel the bubble smack to the back of the head reminding me about the not so friendly bubbles whizzing pass me. I duck and weave as bubbles whizz by, I have to give the little shrimps something, they are fast. The hammer ones are moving just not as fast as the pistols.

I don't throw a ninja smoke bomb down since that would help to hide the flying boom bubbles, that and I don't have any on me. But I do streak forward, catching my shrimp by surprise. I would say the look on its face is priceless but shrimp don't emote, so I am going with surprise and if the shrimp says otherwise I will take back what I said.

It swings it little pincer at me, snapping at me as it does. Easily I dodge it, all it takes is a step back and then it brings its big claw around swinging for my head. Down I go into the splits at just the right moment and the claw whizzes over my head. Ba.....batter batter batter swing and miss!

Before the shrimpie shrimp can react I grab it with both hands and stand. I can feel it squirming in my hands trying to get free but I have it in a shrimp shell lock, no way it is going to escape. Thank monkey, I paid attention to my master when he was teaching the technique or I might have grabbed it wrong and lead to an embarrassing situation. Yeah sorry I didn't mean to grab you there.

As I stand I catch a glimpse of Rachel closing in on the other pistol shrimp, a worn but not so dusty candelabra in her hands. I watch as she swings it downwards as she approaches and then up, catching the shrimp under its chin which sends up and backwards.

My cue!

Quickly I spin around and bend backwards, throwing the shrimp with all my might. With a loud crunch the shrimp crashes into the other one mid air sending them both to the ground.  I continue the bend backwards flipping over Rachel as she drops an elbow onto the shrimps, shrimpi or whatever you call multiple shrimp.

I hear an exhale and crunching coming from the shrimp as elbow meets shrimp flesh. In my mind I imagine their eyes bulging out like a cartoon character's would and tongues if they had tongues. Which shrimp might but I am not really sure.

My feet hit the ground, in a perfect landing. Let's see how the judges score it, What they left? But I just. They missed. There is no way we could duplicate that again. I swing an arm back offering it to Rachel to stand up, I can feel my tail moving behind me in the standard 'here I will help you up' movement.

I expect some type of 'Thanks for the help' or something even Rachel grabbing my hand but there is nothing other than a gasp and a "Hey! What the?"

Is Rachel dropping another elbow onto the shrimps?

"Once is," I start to say as I turn around and see Rachel up in  the air, well specifically in the air all thanks to the gigantic shrimp claw she was being held in.


*****’’’"Let my friend down!!!!!!" I yell with a lot of exclamation points so the shrimp knows that I am serious. I stamp a foot and my tail joins in by expressively pointing in the direction Rachel should be put.

"I said put her down! Stop trying to crack her head, she isn't a nut," I look at Rachel hanging there making sure she isn't a nut. She could be one in disguise. She does sort of..... No. No. No. Just silly talk, that and she doesn't have a hard exterior like nuts have. Unless she is the next step in nut evolution, 'tunc step nucis' in a way.

I pull out my super turbo staff of whapping out and extend it. I have to check. Gently I poke Rachel in the butt, the soft extra cushiony part of it. She will deny she has it but my staff is poking something soft and cushiony.

"What in the world are you doing?" Rachel yells, jerking around trying to get away from the poking, her arms flailing about as she kicks at the staff.

"I am trying to see if you are an evolved nut," I answer back as I continue poking the soft area on Rachel's butt.

"I am not a nut!!!" Rachel yelled back with several exclamation marks.

I continue to poke, I hear nuts are masters of disguise and I need to make sure what I am poking isn't fake. "That is what a nut would say."

I hear a growl right before my staff is yanked out of my hands. What the? As I start to look up the top of my head meets the business end of my staff. CRACK! I said," CRACK! "I am not," CRACK! "a nut!" CRACK!

I resist the rain of staff blows by dodging left and right. Small cracks appearing in the ground around me from the blows of the staff. I dodge one last time as the staff comes down and stops, the sound of heavy breathing could be heard coming from the general area of Rachel's head In the claw. Mmmmm..... Yummy that sounds like a delicious seafood dish. I wonder what it comes with?

The staff comes up and back down cracking me in the top of the head, yanking me out of imagining what Rachel's head in a claw tastes like. A little salty I think.

"Wake up!" I hear Rachel growl.

"I am..." I respond as I rub the top of my head.

Rachel growls again, "So get me down!"

"I would," I answer ,"but you might be a nut and if you are then you are in a good place."

"Do you want me to pummel you again?" Rachel growls.

"No, but there is a lot of people with nut allergies and I have to consider them. Especially if you are an tunc step nucis and learned to walk."

I don't even have time to react before the staff shoots sideways and back, cracking me in the side of the face. It circles back around and in slow motion cracks me on the other side of my face. Queue slow motion hit and exaggerated hit face expression.

I stumble for a moment as Rachel yells again, "I am not a nut! Get me down now!"

"Fine, I will get you down ," I say through bruised cheeks. "You still might be a nut though," I mumble to myself.

Hanging there, breathing so hard that it would scare monsters, Rachel growled "what did you just say?"

"Nothing, " I answer, rubbing my cheeks.

"Good!" and with a jerk, Rachel tossed the staff to the side and I hear it clattering across the floor, "Now get me down ."




((What? How did I? I hate feeling like the nut in a nutcracker.))

[Catherine]

I am not sure why the shrimp sat there during the whole nut thing. Why both of them did actually, head scratcher really. They just did.

Maybe they were amused, entertained by the thumping of the staff to the top of my head and Rachel growling. Enthralled by the story and special effects. Trust me there was no special effects, no computer generated staff or stunt double. It was all real, my head can attest to that.

Maybe they were amazed at two people fighting, well one hitting the other on top of the head repeatably with a staff. Who just moments before were fighting together. Maybe they thought it was a double cross, that the one that they had in a claw was actually a shrimp in disguise, a shrimp spy!  That the shrimp spy's disguise was so good that they couldn't tell that she was actually one of their kind. They were sitting there waiting to see what would happen next.

All I knew was that one of them had a friend's head in a claw dangling in the air. Also she was growling a lot. Not a friendly growl either. It is kind of hard to tell  a friendly 'hi there, how are you doing?' growl from a 'get me down before I insert staff a into opening b forcefully' growl. Rachel's growl was easily identifiable be me, my tail and the shattered floor. She wasn't saying 'hi' she was saying more 'grrrrr, hiss and spit'. When a girl gets to that level of growling, it is best to do what she says before it escalates to 'you know the Death Star? You know what it did? That is tame in what I am about to do' level.

I thought for a moment and jumped up, grabbing ahold of Rachel's legs and started to yank.  "What are you trying to do?" Rachel yelled from above as I continued to yank with no effect. I even swung my feet up for leverage, pulling and everything. Twisting her around just made the growling louder.

Pulling with all of my strength, I answered that I was trying to get her out. "No," she growled, "I think you are trying to pop my head off! Stop it!!!"

"Fine...." I replied, pulling one last time before dropping to the floor, "it might have worked though. You are just intent on being stuck that is all."

"No I am not intent on being stuck," Rachel growled, "can you go get the staff for me?"

"Sure, why?" I said turning around to go get the staff. It was a good idea really. Push the staff in between the claws and pry them open.

In a real low voice, below grumble level, that I missed as I walked over to grab the staff and bring it back over Rachel answered "so I can hit you with it."

As I lifted the tip of the staff up towards Rachel I dinged, "Hey wait a moment, you were going to hit me with this and not use it for your other idea weren't you?"

Hesitantly I lowered the staff back down as Rachel swiped for it with a hand, "I don't know what you are talking about, now give it."

"No I think I like the other idea better. Not the rain in pain one."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Rachel growled.

"Yes you do, it is your idea." I replied as I shoved the staff up between the claws, "tell me if this hurts."

"What hurts? What are you doing?" Rachel asked as she tried to look down but thanks to the claws was unable to move enough.  Suddenly she started to flail her arms and legs,"Get me do... Umph!"

"I said not to move, didn't I?"

"No... Now get the staff out of my nose!"

"Ew....now I will have to clean it. " I said pulling the staff back and shaking it clean. Hmmmm... I thought for a moment. I can't get the leverage from down here and I don't want to booger dig anymore either. So that means only me thing.

I take a couple steps back and a hop, skip and a jump I am flying though the air. Doing a little slow full body spin and flip as I do. With mad ninja skills I land on top of the shrimp's claw and thrust the point of the staff down between the claws and hit something hard.

"OW!"

"Sorry," I said pulling the staff back a little before before working it to a good prying position that those trained in the art of prying would know. You see it right about here, no just a little higher and to the right. You see those that haven't been trained miss it all of the time. They just strain and Umph with all of their might and nothing.  But my master had the fore thought and everything, maybe someday I will have to tell you how I meet him and the training that I went though. Without him and the training I would be just all left tails.

I started to pull, gritting teeth and everything. Come on..... I told myself. If this didn't work, I would have to use the one thing and I am pretty sure Rachel wouldn't like that one thing. Nobody likes the one thing and once you mention the one thing people give you a funny look before taking a step back and nervously laughing. Come....on.... I keep pulling, using the claw as leverage.

Suddenly I heard a pop as I flew backwards and I silently hoped it wasn't Rachel's head.  Please don't pop like a grape. That would be messy and I am pretty sure you wouldn't like it. Quickly I flipped around, moments before head would have meet wall and feet did instead.

Four point landing; feet, tail and one hand in a cool pose I saw Rachel falling. The whole time rubbing her head and grumbling.

Success and no grape head splats! *imaginary forehead wipe whew!*


******

The shrimp didn't miss a beat, once Rachel started falling it was lifting its claw up to start playing whack-a-mole with Rachel. Quickly I shot forward, Rachel's eyes getting larger and larger the closer I got. "I said I am not a nut!" I heard her yelling as I swung the staff around and CHUM!

One big claw stopped by me and the staff. Well the staff really and it was holding too. Bending just a little as the shrimp was pressing down trying to get to the whack-a-Rachel it was trying to hit.

"Come on!" I said, motioning with my free hand for well Rachel to come on. Quickly I I offered her my hand and yanked her out of the way just in time too. I could see the staff bending more and more, praying to the banana gods that it wouldn't break. I mean it is signed and everything, oh yeah and Rachel was under the claw too. That is the more important of the two really, a near mint condition of Rachel with no folds or creases caused by shrimp claws, that is what I meant. *nod*

Out she came and I grabbed the staff and yanked. Which I didn't need to do really since the amount of pressure the shrimp was putting down on it was a lot for a shrimp and something in the staff was preventing it from breaking, bending most definitely thing. Once I gave it a yank, the staff went flying with me with it, shooting me across the room in a blink of an eye, dragging Rachel behind me.

If I wasn't in the air I would have felt the room rock when the shrimps claw hit the ground. But I was, so I took Rachel's word for it as she spit out pebbles and pieces of floor after I landed. Thank monkey that I had Rachel there, acting like an anchor, if not I would have kept flying and flying. Probably leaving a monkey girl hole in the wall and everything, but she thought of me as she got dragged across the floor and ate the proper amount of floor stuff to keep me fro reaching orbit.

"Thank you..." I said as I spun the staff around and slipped it back into the bag.

"You are..." [Insert spitting of rock sound here and then rock bouncing across the floor] "welcome."

These shrimp were completely different from the other two, a lot bigger and probably a lot heavier so no picking up and tossing these two any time soon. Unless we wanted to pop our backs out just to pop our back out. I got this one, pop pop pop pop pop pop and pop. Yeah no I don't, I think my spine parts are all over. Do you care to give it a try?

They got us on height. They got us on weight. Who is laughing? I do not weigh as much as a shrimp. They probably got us on strength too, although seeing the damage  that Rachel did to the floor with my staff, I am starting to doubt that.  I mean look at it and she did that with a wooden staff, I can still hear the floors crying.

That means, we have our speed and agility. I guess we do all lucha libre style minus the masks because, well just because. Quickly I threw up the sign of the time out. Hands go up in the shape of a 'T', uppercase 'T' by the way. Not a lower case one though because that isn't as powerful and I needed the shrimp to stop.

I threw up the sign and the shrimp froze in place as I discussed my idea with Rachel. She nodded once at the end and didn't suggest any changes. I think in the way of shrimp fighting she was as experienced as I was.

I reversed the sign of the timeout and "Go!"

((Playing the sign of the timeout for now bwhahaha))

[Catherine]

We split up, against all things that they teach you. Never spilt up, best to fight as one, they say. Well blah. That doesn't work if what you are fighting is bigger than you are and there is the same number of them as you. What would the other thing do? Sit there and wait, maybe stacking cards as his or her friend gets beat? Yeah I font think so.

So we split up to divide and pummel, in a good way though. Not in a mean or nasty way, that is for the bad guys not us. So no throwing sand in the face or poking of eyes out or lighting little paper bags of dog brownies, which are not edible, in front of a person for them to stomp out.

We both picked one, Rachel the one that tried to nut crush her head and I got the other which I will call, McShrimpalot. I ran up to the Shrimpster and stood there out of claw swipe range. Well I hope I did, there was a clear imaginary mark on the floor that said, 'On this side of the line you will get hit and the other side you will not, unless the shrimp moves then when we don't know.'

I stand there as the shrimparooni swipes a claw at me and WHIFF, misses me by enough. Then it tries the back hand, which is good with tennis when a ball is coming towards you but not when you are just the right distance away from what you are trying to hit. Especially if that something, me, doesn't want to get hit, which I don't. I guess it thinks that I don't notice its other giant claw, blinded by the size I guess. But another double whiff later and I am still standing there. I do what others do that just when through a set of double whiffings, I laugh and make fun. Calling the shrimp all sort of names that I can't think of at the moment, IOU on fun teasing names which the shrimpenstein can turn in later. No no, while that is appropriate I don't want to hurt the shrimps feelings so I give it the fingers, horizontal peace sign towards my eyes then at the shrimp in a quick twist. Now it will know that I am keeping my eyes in it and that I can make a 'V' with my fingers.

Quickly the shrimp drew its hands back and brought them down, hard and fast, like it was trying to drive a nail into the ground. That nail had a name too! Her name was Nichole Anne Marie Smith, she was quite cute and adorable too. So being pounded into the ground was a thing that was against the laws and bylaws in the cute and adorable book.  Page twenty three, paragraph four, section IX and sub section e.

Clear throat and 'Thou shall not pound the cute and adorable into the ground like a nail. It makes them lumpy and not so cute or adorable so it is a thou shall not.' See like I said it is in the book. I would point it out to you but I have a huge claw coming down on me and I don't want to whacked, monkey not mole. Hand to mouth, yawn and step back at rthe last moment.

BOOM!

For a moment, the ground shakes around me when the claws hit the ground. Cracking the floor of the church where the claws hit. Quickly I dive over the claws and through the shrimps arms, rolling once into a slide that takes me under the shrimps body and out the other side. Where I slide into standing position in one fluid move, spinning at the end as I pull the appropriate length of rope that all adventurers carry.

It worked on the four leggers on that ice planet in a galaxy far far away so maybe it might work on the multi-legger standing right in front of me. Without skipping beat I take off as low and as fast as I can towards the shrimp. Wrapping the rope around the nearest leg as I run by and the shrimpyshrimp starts to turn on me as I dive under its claws and do a u-shaped dive, I continue to do to this, circling the shrimp over and over and start to get dizzy. Almost stumbling once or twice when the circling got tighter.

"Gotcha" I yelled as I yanked what was of the rope and for a brief moment I though I had to take that back. The shrimp just stood there, topple free and I tugged on the rope again. Suddenly the shrimpzilla started to flail its claws about as it lost balance and started to fall.

CRASH! BOOM!

That is the sound of a shrimp falling.

I was about to give the thumbs up, my thumb was gong up when the shrimp reached down and snipped the rope a couple times.

"Oh poo..." Down went the thumb in slow motion as the shrimp started to climb back up onto its feet.

"Didn't you watch the movie, that happened in a galaxy far far away? You weren't suppose to clip the rope, you were suppose to fall and be stuck like a turtle." I said as the shrimp righted itself. Swinging its claws in sone type of defensive shrimp stance, one claw down a little and the other up. Good stance really, it could block high or  low and swipe at anything that would attack still. Maybe I misjudged the shrimp.

Standing there I could feel the camera circling the both of us. The shrimp lowered fine just a little to stay in the cameras view, no wait just a better defensive stance. I could go into the plink flamingo stance, one leg up and bent while my arms are up like bird wings. The shrimp shrimp would rush me and SMACK I would do a hop and kick him under the chin. I saw it in a movie once so it should work. The only thing is I might gave to do it I slow motion, since the shrimp probably isn't the fastest, that would cut down on the WOW factor. The foot coming up, the shrimp looking at it and saying "No......" in slow motion. That and if I did it in slow motion the shrimp could adjust itself stance, I would hit it & bounce off and go spinning backwards. Get all dizzy and possibly urp. Not worth it.

But I decide to try the nesting duck goofy foot stance. Which is to standing sideways, squat while kicking the front leg out, front arm pointing in the same direction as the front leg with palm up and other arm in the ready position.

Ready, I give him the two finger 'come and get me' power sign and wait. Maybe the two finger power sign is like a red thing to Bulls, they see it and grrrrr Rush. Because that is what the shrimp did, Rush at me as is brought a claw down trying to smash me.

Quickly I jumped up towards the claw, lucha dore style. Grab it with both hands and spin around it. I don't stop there though, using monkey girl ninja physics I reverse the movement of the claw to my advantage.

The look on the shrimpinator's face is priceless, well I guess it is. Like I said, Shrimp don't emote I think, so it is kind of hard to tell. Their happy face looks like their mad face and every other face there is.. Sometimes you just want to yell at them, What are you emoting?!?!

With little effort all thanks to monkey girl ninja physics, I swing the shrimp back over my shoulders and back to where it was standing, only on its back this time.

BOOM!

The shrimpzilla hit the ground and started to squirm just a little. In a blink of an eye, I do some crazy moves. Spinning down the claw, grinding the grooves and hucking the bumps. I caught some mad air at some points. At the last moment I let go and went into the banana crazed monkey pose. I would describe it but I am sort of in the middle of something right now. "Hiyah!" I shouted as I hit the shrimp, the sound of shell cracking and extreme exhaling filled the air.

Before the shrimp could react, I pinned it in a eight point hairy combed back Nelson. Pulling up on its head just enough so it knew I was there.

One...the imaginary referee tapped. Two...the imaginary referee tapped again. And Three. The imaginary ring bell rung. Quickly I threw up my arms as the imagery crowd cheered and roared. Are they chanting my name as the reference rewards me the belt. Imaginary blow kisses to my fans as they chant my name.

Proudly I stand up, placing one foot on the shrimp. Take a breath and come back to reality. Turning around I see Rachel finishing off the other big shrimp with something that looked painful from here, how she did it is beyond me. Maybe she is really flexible, has to be to have done that move.

As I climb down off the shrimp, I can see Earl's book still sitting there on the stand. Light still coming down from above in a most dramatic way, in a way the lighting reminded me of the ah lighting with Excalibur. Slowly Rachel and I made our way to it, looking for any surprise shrimp. You know the ones, the little ones that are sneaky and possibly hug faces. Once one of those get on you they are hard to get off. Pliers won't work and don't even think about crowbars, those are ow! Especially if they slip into your nose. Also once one of those hug, you start having stomach problems then BLARGH!!!!

Slowly we crept and right before we got to the light I put my hand out stopping Rachel.

"This where it gets tricky..."


((An ending that makes you think.... a cliffhanger without the cliffhanger ))

[Catherine]

I edge around the light checking, can't be to cautious especially since the book is just an arm reach or two away. But if something happens when I step into the light I would like to know before it happens. Especially if it alerts everything else in the village. 'There is someone stepping into the light. It looks like their being pummeled levels are low. Please go assist them in raising that. Oh and over.'

I carefully test the light using several different sense. Sight wise it looks like regular light, nothing special with it. Flipping over my vision to other spectrums, which. I can't do, I don't see anything extra. Sometimes they hide things in the other spectrums, like pickles. They don't look like they are there in a sandwich but they are, they are just hiding. Hearing wise, the light sounds like light. I stick out my tongue and edge a little closer, I hear Rachel saying something.

"I'm triding toad tastd id toad seed if id tastds ofd." I respond, edging closer and closer.

"Light doesn't tastes like anything. It is light not ice cream," Rachel replied.

"Had youd tastd lighd beford?"

"No...." Rachel answered, looking down a little as she shook her head.

Tongue out, I couldn't taste anything off. It tasted like light as far as I can tell, "Okay I think we are safe." Still cautious I step into the light waiting for the Ahing  to start or something else. Any moment now.....

*mental wipe forehead.*

I circled the book again, planning for the next step. I could only guess that if I took the book that i would be shocked. I was pretty sure if Rachel touched it she would get shocked too, then probably take it out on me after asking for the staff. Which I rather skip. Rubber gloves might help, but I didn't pack any and looking at Rachel I doubt she had any.

Could try two sticks and carry it that way. But that would open us up for other things. Pointing and teasing being one of those things. Sort of hard to defend yourself if you are busy holding a book up, you couldn't drop it since that would anger librarians everywhere. What with damaging the book when it fell and hit the grand. Open are butts up for kicking too. *kick* hey stop that! If I could put this book down, I would so grrrr... Then if we had to run, we would have to run at the same pace. If one fell the other would have to too. So that was off the list.

Wrap the book in plastic wrap or something. Still would have to touch it and I wasn't trying to keep it fresh.

"Any ideas?" I ask turning to Rachel and she just shrugged her answer. Time to think outside the box, I told myself. I don't know what is in the book but I know Earl wants it back. I know what Earl is, sort of hard to forget that what with the dark cloak, scythe and bones. Of course Earl could have been on some weird diet too, he didn't eat anything, but I doubt that.

"We can't touch the book. We need to get it to Earl, but he can't get to it either.mi doubt there is a pickup and delivery service that comes here either." I whisper to myself as I thought

Should I risk it? I really don't want my hair to stand up on end but Earl wants the book. Sitting here staring at it isn't doing anything.

"Wish me luck," I tell Rachel as I start to reach for the book, eyes closing expecting some voltage any moment now.

*****

Any moment now, I told myself as my hands got closer and closer to the book. Will the electric zap arc just out of spite? Knowing that I got zapped by the carriage and horse, so maybe it will just zap because it feels left out. Closer and closer. Slower and slower. I wasn't really looking forwards to getting zapped, once or twice is enough for me.

"It is just a book, grab it and let's go," I heard Rachel yell out. Startled I jerk my hands back, "I was just about too. Now I have to start again."

"Start what? It is a book, unless you are afraid of words, the book won't do anything to you."

"Well....  I have learned that Earl likes things zapping people. So I am a little trigger shy."  I said shaking my hands in the air preparing to start the process again. Rachel closed her eyes and shook her head, "There is no way for this Earl to have the book zap you. Just grab it so we can get out of here."

"Well yeah... I am not to sure about that, I mean have you got zapped by a horse."

"Uh no, why would I?" Rachel asked.

"I did, so yeah as far as I know the book will zap me when I touch it. I just want to make it as painless as possible. The last two times is still fresh in my memories."

"Fine.... Here's what you need to do since you are making it worse." Rachel started to say before I interrupted her asking what I need to do,"Just grab it!"

Questionably I tuned back towards the book, "fine but if my hair shoots up and I start to glow and dance around in a pop and lock style, you will know you are wrong and I will shoot you a mean look."

Rachel laughed once, "I can live with that, now grab it!"

"Okay...." I started the whole process again, hands edging closer and closer. Hair ready to stand up, in fact I think some was practicing right now.  "Stop that," I growl as rubbed the back of my neck. Slowly I take a deep breath and exhale, "Here is goes."

I jerked a little when I felt the book on my finger tips. Maybe the zap is time delayed. It will wait until I pick it up and ZAP!  Nothing so far as I swept a hand under the cover then gently lifted it up to close the book. Whew! Nothing so far. With one hand still on the cover, I turn towards Rachel and gave her a thumbs up.

"There are bookworms you know, they have teeth. Looking at the book there might be one in it." Rachel sung out. Quickly my eyes shot open and I quickly turned back to the book expecting to see some big worm licking its lips about to nom on my hand.

*mental forehead wipe*

I turn back towards Rachel, "That wasn't nice!"

"No, but it was funny to see the look on your face." She admitted as she motioned with her hand, "Grab the book so we can get out of here." I nodded and turned back as I swept a hand under the book, then the other.

It felt like I was trying to lift up the world and then some as I picked up book. I don't know what it was made of, but wow it was heavier than it looked. "Ergh, I got it." I said straining, slowly swinging around towards Rachel. Taking a step forwards my mind went blank for a very long moment and I froze mid step. Like mid step, one foot still in the air and everything..

Everything went black around me other than the light from above.

"This isn't good...."

((Who is playing with the lights or did someone forget to pay the utility bill? See next time...))

[Catherine]

I just stood there frozen and in that very long moment I got the feeling what a statue feels like. Ugh this sucks, I told myself and looked up and expected to see the straw in the banana milkshake nod in agreement, but no, it just sat there frozen too.

Earl should have at least dropped me a hint on what would happen if I picked up the book. It would have been nice. A heads up, if you pick up the book without protection you will be frozen in place. You would think that is  a definite need to know. But nothing, not even a little hint.

So yeah frozen with a light coming down from above and just about nothing else. I would call out, but the whole froze thing is preventing that. I even used my super cute and adorable monkey girl senses to 'see' if there was anything out in the darkness. Where the things that lurk in darkness well lurk and unless they are pulling full stealth; sound, sight, smell and taste, there is nothing out there. So all I would get if I could call out is silence and the sound of my voice echoing back.

Since I couldn't do anything else, I stood there. Yeah I know really exciting, so if you want too, skip to the next paragraph it might be more exciting there. So where was I? Oh yeah, there I stood and I started to get the one thing that all people who are frozen  hate, the itch! Duh duh duh! All you can do is sit there and..... It just keeps getting worse and worse,  not realizing that you are frozen. All it thinks about is itself and what it worse, it decided to park itself on the tip of my nose! So I could see it! I tried to twitch my nose, but frozen. I couldn't do anything to appease the itch since I was unable to move, pulling a statue some might say.  Imagine scratching the itch? No.... *mental cry......* Itches don't have an imagination so they can't be imaginary scratches or just stubborn and ignoring me. This sucks *mental cry....*, it can't get any worse..... *mental blow nose*

I shouldn't have thought about it that loud or reality heard me and it has a weird sense of humor. Why? Because I heard a bird call out from above and do you know what birds do to statues? Yeah white ick! That isn't snow either, when I say ick I mean ick of the ick kind. When you see it, you think ick and that is the only thing you think of too. Oh please..... Have a bad aim or something, please.....

The sound of wings flapping above me and the sound of circling too had me sweating. It was zeroing on me, i prepared to be Icked of the white kind. Any moment I told myself, SPLAT! The bird called out and and then in a flurry of dark feathers landed on my leg.

Looking down with my eyes only, I could see the large crow sitting there looking up at me. It's head shifting from side to side looking at me, reared its head back and POKE!

"Ow!" I shouted, my leg going to the ground as I used a free hand to rub it."Why did you do that for?

The crow called out again, "I forgot you don't talk and...." I pause to look down at myself, "I can move again.

The crow called out again, almost like it was agreeing with me. It's wings buffeting my face as the crow hovered there.

"Since I can move that means I can  get......oh now I understand," nodding a little as I looked around and finally resting on the crow. "This has been a vision or something. Telling me how to get the book out of village isn't it?"

The crow just called again as it landed on the floor.

With a nod and a smile, "I will take that as a yes. Now how to get back to the...duh!" Hand goes away and SMACK!

"Ow, I should have pinched an arm instead." Suddenly i feel myself falling forwards and I quickly catch myself.

"Okay what just happened?" I heard Rachel ask as I stood back up. Yay! Back in the not dream world.

"Kind of hard to explain , but I know how to get the book out of town now." I said with a nod.

"How?" I took a deep breath to answer, "CAWL!!!!!"

((I am the crow whisperer.... not really but desperate times call for cawling out. See the joke or pun or something?))

[Catherine]

Rachel cringed, "What in the? What are you doing?!?! How in the world is that suppose to get the book out of town?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, but it felt right."

"Felt right!!! How in the world does it feel right? You probably just called out to everything in a block or two, letting them know where we are at." Rachel said in a irate arm sweeping back and forth type of way.

I thought for a moment, "I just had a vision I think and I..."

"A vision? Did the shrimp hit you on the head or something?"

I blushed a little as I stamped a foot, "No, I didn't get hit on the head. Earl can't get here and we can't get to him to easy so....."

Up walked Rachel, stamp stamp stamp, "and how is calling out like a bird suppose to help?"

'Well I had a vision and there was a crow in it so...."

Up went Rachel's hand to bridge of nose, "So if a lemming was in your vision, what would you have done?"

"I don't know, not run off a cliff though. That is weird." I answered as I stood there pl

"And calling out like a crow isn't weir...." Rachel started to ask when the sound of wings flapping could be heard coming from above. If it is a pigeon, I so called out to the wrong bird and Earl really needs to consider crows. Especially since pigeons don't go with the whole color scheme he is doing. Sort of takes away from the whole dark and reaper thing. I am here to reap your cooooooooo.....

Quickly I looked up, blinded by the light I couldn't identify the exact bird type. It was definitely bird; wings, tail feathers and beak. That is all I could tell as it slowly circled, casting its shadow down upon on Rachel and myself. I watched as it descended, bracing myself with a hand on Rachel as the circling called out the dizzy in me as it got tighter and tighter as it got closer.

"See," I say as the bird, now identified as crow, when it landed on the book. Quickly it hopped around and called out. "I got it right, crow." *mental forehead wipe. Whew. If it was an ostrich I would have been in trouble.,*

"Yes yes, but now what?" Rachel asked.

The crow answered with a CAWL! I motioned with my head towards the crow, "I think it knows what to do."

"That is great, but what is it?"

"It is a crow, can't you tell?" I answered with a question, lifting the book up a little to show off the crow a little.

"Yes I can tell it is a crow " Rachel growled, "I meant what is planning to do." I answered with a shrug, "Don't know. I don't speak any bird, never got the chance to learn and I have heard crow is a little hard."

"What?" Rachel growled, which I am starting to realize she does a lot. The crow calls out again, raising its wings a little.

"I can't tell you what the crow's plans are since I don't speak any bird, specially crow."  I answer as the crow starts to flap its wings more, maybe it was irritated? Then grabbed the book with its talons and started to flap harder and harder buffeting Rachel and myself. "But I think it is doing it right now."

"Doing what? It can't lift the book, it is smaller than it and probably a lot lighter."

"Tell that to the crow then," I say as the book starts to lift out of my arms.

"This is impossible, common physics says the crow shouldn't be able to lift up the book."

The book slips out of my arms and starts to quickly rise, the crow calling out again maybe throwing a crow insult in Rachel's direction," Well.... I am thinking the crow doesn't care about physics."

Growl, "obviously..." Rachel replied as she watched the crow and book rise higher and higher, "still impossible though."

With one last CAWL the crow and the book was gone. The sound of beating wings quickly disappearing. "Well that should make Earl happy. So where to next? Shattered stone and chains?"

"Yeah, I guess," Rachel says shaking her head,"impossible. Let's get going. They aren't far from here."


*****


Before stepping out of the church, I peeked out just a little and my tail flipped all of its sensors to detect bad things that want to nom or do bad things. As an adventurer, I learned the hard way the first time or two to check before leaving a building or room to see if there are things outside with plans you might not like. The last time was the hardest and I vowed after that never again, who knew kola bears could do what they did then, I didn't! It took that to teach me to learn, peek before stepping out or else.

Spotting nothing and confirming it with my tail, I motion for Rachel to follow as I step out. Looking around again just in case, if there was fishies, dogs and shrimp who knows what else was out there. Maybe jellyfish! The slow ninjas of the deep with their poison tentacles, ick! Quickly I take a step back, making sure one wasn't sneaking up on me or I accidentally didn't step on one. They get you like that, just laying or floating about until squish! Then it is too late, they have squished you and soon the tentacles will do what tentacles do best, tentacle you.

Their name is a lie too! Jellyfish aren't made of jelly, they are just squishy and that is all. No taste, no nothing. No matter how much peanut butter you use, all you will get is a peanut butter and squishy sandwich, chewy and crunchy at the same time. Then I hear the only way to counteract the poison is to.... It is too gross to even think about it let alone mention it.  If one stings me I will have second and many more thoughts about doing it. I am not even sure how someone figured it out the first time. Hey I just got stung by a jellyfish let me zip, try this. Why would that even come  to your mind if you just got stung? Why?!?! There are countless other things I would have thought of first to be honest other than that. Ick!

Rachel stepped around me, looking down trying to figure out why I just stepped back. "Jellyfish," I told her before walking up to the curb. "Can't to be careful of them," I continue nodding my head slowly.

"Whatever..." Rachel answered, shaking her head as she joined me. Looking around I head off in that direction and I hear Rachel call out, "Other way."

I stop and slowly turn around, "Yeah, I forgot. Your village and everything. Lead the way."

Rachel just shook her head, gave me a look and headed in the other direction. From here it did look more sea-ish what with the water and everything. Carefully I reached up and took the banana milkshake from the top of my head, need to re-energize.

SLURP!

Mmmm....banana gold.

((What better place to pause then at banana gold? SLURP!!!!))

[Catherine]

Down the street we went keeping to the sides of the buildings just in case. There was a lot of just in cases now and probably several more that is unknown. Like that thing over there, that doesn't look natural and it is looking at me. "Rachel," I say trying to get  her attention, straw barely touching my lips as I nudge her with an elbow then motion with my head.

"What?" She asks, stopping in mid step to look in the direction I was motioning towards.

"Something unnatural at four o'clock," I said motioning  with my head again towards what I saw. Too make sure that whatever it is didn't catch on to knowing that we are onto it I take a sip of my milkshake, banana by the way. Banana gold. Have I told you that is good? I have? Ok, well it is good.

SLURP!

Rachel looked then squinted a little, "What did you see?"

"Ummm..... It looked like a little crab. Well bigger than little, probably two or three times bigger than a normal one."

"Nope not there."

"Are you sure," I ask as I turn to look and seeing nothing,"I thought I saw something. It was right over there," pointing to where I was motioning with my head.

Rachel shrugged, "either you didn't see something, which is probably the case or whatever you saw skittered off. I am voting for the first one." Then started to walk away.

"Well, that wasn't very nice but maybe I did see something," I replied as I started to follow Rachel again, pausing for a moment when I swore I heard the sound of fiddle music playing an ominous sound. "Nah.... Just hearing things," I whisper as I continue to walk away, my tail looking around for the source of the sound.

I kept my eyes peeled the rest of the time, lips to straw though. Can't forget the banana gold.

SLURP!

The view of the ocean opened up to us when we turned the last corner. A wooden dock pushing itself out into the water, firmly anchored into the stone paved harbor.while a lone boat bobbed up and down. Oh and birds flying overhead, can't forget them. Mine mine mine.

******

I expected to see a painter or three sitting there painting the scene. It was picture perfect what with the boat, ocean and dock with the birds flying above. But there was not a painter to be seen so....

*mental painting of scene time. The slip my imaginary hat off and put one  of those French hats on and puff my hair out. Now let's paint the pretty little waves. Shoot I don't have the right color blue to catch how the light filters through the clouds and hits the water over the large tentacle thingie right there.*

Of course maybe the fishies, dogs or shrimp chased them away or ick, ate them. That can't be good on their diet, what with the stuff in the paint. I am pretty sure there is a warning on the paint about eating or drinking paint, a simple warning 'Don't!' So if they ate the painters they would get sick and start urping burnt umber. Hopefully the fishies, dogs and shrimp thought of that and just chased the painters away.

Even from this distance I could see the shattered rock and chain laying there on the ground and a little bit in the wall here and over there. Whatever came out of the rock did it in a hurry. I would have hated to been here then. Yes it would have been as sight to see but I would have been in a world of ow!

"Um why didn't anyone clean this up?" I adidas I stepped over a large piece of rock. Rachel just looked at me, "Like I said the dogs and everything showed up right after the explosion. Cleaning up was the last thing on our mind at that moment if you think about it. Hiding snd saving our bacon was the most important thing then."

Nodding, "true, true." I stopped at the and looked at the gouges in the rock which I guess was the ones caused by the rock being pulled into land. Kneeling down, I could see how deep they went which sent up red flags and everything.  I put a finger into one trying to measure how deep it went, hoping what I was seeing was just a optical illusion but when half of my hand went in I knew better. "Okay wow, that had to be a heavy stone if it created that gouge in the stonework." Nodding a little as I stood back up, turned and scanned the scene.

"You think, I was across town and heard a scrapping sound when they dragged it in shore. Once they got it onshore it sat where it laid, it was a miracle or as I call it now a nightmare we got it to shore." Rachel said as she picked up a small rock and tossed it out back into the ocean,  I heard it skip across the water  a couple times before with a plonk sank below the water.

Quickly I removed the imaginary felt fedora and slipped on the imaginary investigator's sunglasses on, cool dramatic investigation music playing in my head as I started to go over the crime scene trying to piece everything back together. Since I suck at puzzles, it was going to take a while. Okay this piece goes with this piece and  this other piece goes here.....no it doesn't! The crack on one doesn't match the crack on the other, so close. Why do puzzles have to be so puzzling? This piece goes with this other.... No grrr..... I need to concentrate, I can't let the puzzle get the better of me. Let's try this piece and this other one, okay now these others. I got it! The stone was shaped like a stone chicken. That makes sense, the whole chicken of the sea thing. Wait a second, no it doesn't. Grr......

*imaginary had swipe to knock all the imaginary pieces apart to start over.*

As I start to assemble the pieces again in my head I hear Rachel, "That is strange...."

Strange? I can do strange? It is a lot better than a puzzle. Anxiously I turn around, "What?"

((Dramatic  pause mwhahaha ))

[Catherine]

"The boat in the harbor," Rachel answered me. I gave her a nervous look, "Um... That is where boats usually go or out in the ocean, lake or river."

I could hear the beginnings of a growl coming from Rachel, "I know that, but it isn't suppose to be there."

"Where is it suppose to be?" I asked as I played with a piece of rock with my foot.

"Well not there," Rachel answered and all I could answer is that it was."I can see it is now, but it shouldn't be."

"Why?"

"It sunk years ago. In fact, if I had to guess it sunk in that exact spot," Rachel answered as she turned to me pointing with a hand towards the boat or general location of the boat.

"Are you sure, maybe it just looks like the same boat. They do look alike sometimes."

"Well," Rachel said giving the boat a sideways glance, "I thought the same thing but the name of the boat is painted on the back of it and it is hard to forget."

"What? Why?" I ask as I take a couple steps to  get a better view of the back of the boat. My eyes getting big as I read the name, "Why would anyone name a boat that?" I asked unable to take my eyes off the back of the boat, not that I have anything for boat butts. I understand some people might but I am just a normal girl, well other than my tail and being super cute and adorable.

"I don't know, but that proves that it is the boat that sank. Another person wouldn't name their boat that."

I nod as I try to avert my eyes, "What was the owner thinking?"

"Well he went down with the boat so it is kind of hard to find that out. But something brought it up to the surface, barnacles and all."

I squinted for a moment. "I wondered what those were," I say as an octopus or something fell off the side of the boat. "I guess we should go out and take a look."

"Um no...."

"Why not?"

"I have had my fill of sea life today and that," Rachel pointed towards the boat again, "looks like it would be sea life central."

"Yeah, but isn't your curiosity piqued?"

"It is and that is where it will stay. I will stay here just in case you need help, that and the sea kayak," Rachel pauses to motion with her head towards what I thought was a log neck to the dock,"is built for one."

"Fine.... But how will you get out if I need help?"

"I will find a way and think about it this way, don't get into a situation that you need help."

I laughed, "okay, but I think you are just being chicken." I bring my hands to my sides and cluck twice before quickly getting into the kayak and out of striking range as a growl started to form.

"I am not a chicken," Rachel growled as I pushed away, safe unless she picked up something heavy and threw it at me, then I was sunk literally.

"Like the cyborg said, I will be back," I said as I started to paddle away. 


*****


Slowly I start to paddle out to the boat, my ears on high alert listening for a particular sound. You see there is one sound that you don't want to hear while you are on the water, duh duh duuuuh duh duh duh duuuuuh. Usually when you hear that sound it means something with a lot of pointy teeth, aka shark, is coming to nibble on you or something even worse. Usually from right underneath you too!

I don't know how the sound is made, maybe the shark carries a string instrument with it which would be kind of hard to play underwater. I would think it would be more swish then duh. Maybe a gurgle, but that is really pushing it. That and how would they play it, no hands! If it used its fins, how could it go up and down? There would be no way. As it played it would wiggle up and down, missing what it was going for.

Of course, the shark could be making the sound using its gills, similar but not really to how an alligator roars. It would take some training and a lot of practice but I guess it could do both as it swam around.

For a moment,  I thought I heard the beginning of a duh and stopped paddling so I could listen. Was it one there? It sounded like one. It was a little watery but that makes sense. You couldn't have a land duh in water, that only makes sense. If you hear a duh duh in the middle of a large body of water. It is either really loud and it is good you are in the water or it will sound muddy, more like a Blub then a duh. I think I just... Quickly I look around trying to find where it was coming from, so I could paddle in the opposite direction. Which is always a good idea.

I was getting desperate with my next idea, I could look and see if there is teeth streaking my way in a extreme way. It would help identify where the duhs was coming from but did I really want to see teeth of the sharp variety coming towards me? Just thinking about it caused me to shiver which almost made me flip the boat. Quickly dropping the paddle to grab onto the side of the kayak as I rocked back and forth.

I knew if I fell overboard I would be falling into something that wouldn't be pleasant. I have seen the movies, fall into the water and you come back wet and missing a limb or more. I don't mind the wet part but the missing part was what I was trying to avoid. That and if I fell overboard and the shark nibbled me and I got stuck in its teeth, what would it use as a toothpick? If you are going to be nomed by a shark you have to think about these things, especially if it entails the dental care of the shark. If it cones through a boat to get to you, it can use the wood of the boat as toothpicks and if you are in a rubber raft, then it can floss. See that makes sense now doesn't it?

But curiosity got the better of me and I had to look. Peeking over the edge I expected to see teeth coming closer and closer. They should have been here now unless it was a slow shark. Looking over board all I could see was the bottom of the harbor and a fish with a surprised caught in the act look on its face.

For a very long moment our eyes locked, the fish and I. Unblinking we just stared at each other. I watched as it open its mouth slowly and a bubble slipped out, blorp!

Was the shark hiding? Quickly I look around, looking fir anything that would identify something as a shark, like rows of teeth! But nothing, unless it was invisible then I would never be able to see it. It would be sort of cool though. I would be able to see myself inside the shark.

But nothing, just that fish who is right.... Where did it go? I look around trying to find There it is! What a second, I am hearing duh again. Is it the fish? It ,use have sensed my thoughts, look back before beating fin into wherever.

"What is the hold up?" I hear Rachel yell from the dock. "Faux shark," I answer without even thinking as I pick up the paddle.

"I have never heard of a faux shark."

"Nasty little things," I say before I start to paddle again, "the butt heads of the faux  family." I look over into the water as the kayak starts to slice through the water and I whisper to myself "definitely a butt head."

"Okay?"

((Needed to stop there for a reason. Reason seen next time.))

[Catherine]

The next is a creative burp. If you read the very first post of this topic you would see that Nichole Anne Marie Smirh, aka Monkey, originated in a rp here at the haven. Getting bored she decided to wander off and explore the world, thus leaving the rp and experiencing the world. A world well worth experiencing.

Like I said above I got a burp one day. You see the group is now in middle earth on a mission, my character is about to take some darts to the butt to knock her out. How do I know that? I am talking in the past tense and the gm told me it was going to happen. Anyway darts to the bottom, you know those hurt right? One isn't too bad... You feel a pinch and then the poison gets you but my character took like five and has the holes to prove it. I still haven't figured out why there was so many shot either. Maybe because she has a cute butt? Maybe her bottom is like a magnet and when the darts were shot, they were meant for others but were attracted to her derrière instead. Maybe she was subconciously protecting the rest of the group and took the darts meant for them, like butt kungfu. The world will never know, well I do actually. The story called for it. The darts to the butt were summoned using a powerful set of words,'the darts flew from the orcs' blow guns and found their target. She was surprised at first but sleep claimed her as the poison did its job'  . So why the burp? I don't know really, but burps are hard to explain anyways. After posting, I removed it since it it didn't really fit so I post it here since there are elves and Santa is mentioned.


******

I stay low as I follow the group from a safe distance. I know if I didn't  stay low,  I would have been caught by now and be leading a pony. That is a mistake done by many who find themselves in a strange land, make noise and be noticed. Not me though, I hit the ground and stayed low like going under a limbo stick and unnoticed. Okay there was that one time when I stubbed by toe, but that hurt and doesn't count.

Silently I switch hats from adventurer to spy, something is up and a spy always knows which way is up. That way. It is the  'guards', they look a little fishy with their pointy ears and that whole smell like air fresheners shaped like trees thing. I pick one of the slow ones that is off by itself and take him out, easier than I thought really since it looks like he has taken one too many pine combs to the head as he lays there unconscious. All it took really was a pinch on the neck and he crumpled. Dream well and dream of whatever pointy ears dream of.

Standing there inspecting the pointy ear, I notice something is off. Since I am a spy and I have been trained, I sort of can see things that are off and there is something off.  Let's see if I am right, Shall we? I reach down, pull the pointy ears cloak open and nod. What I see laying there proves everything.

Laying there, I can see that there are three of Santa's elves standing on each other's shoulders. All unconscious due to my nerve pinch. How do I know they are Santa's elves, kind of hard to not know. Green hats and everything and you can smell the hint of hot cocoa and cookies if you get close enough, which is masked by the air fresheners taped to the inside of the cloak.

What are they up too, I ask myself in stealth mode. I need to find out. Quickly I wrap the cloak around myself and lower my head. To help blend in I bring my hands up next to my head, under the cloak of course, to imitate the effects of pointy ears on cloaks. As I start to get closer to the group, I am finding that my disguise is nearly perfect and that no one suspects anything odd.

For a moment, i think my cover is blown and I am caught, when one of the pointy ears comes up to me and says something in a strange tongue. I think fast and being a spy I have an answer for him, "blah blah blah". There is no need to hold my breath, I am a spy and that answer works with a lot of things. The pointy ear shrugs and walks away and I am in. Let's see what happens, I tell myself, maybe their leader isn't so jolly this year.

((Sorry I just had to do this. There is no guards missing and Santa isn't trying to take over Middle Earth. Back to the story *click*))




Belated Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone. May your new year be amazing. May you smile and not one of those creepy smiles either. There are some other mays but I can't think of them at the moment.

I raise a banana milkshake for all of you. *clink* SLURP! Yum, Have I told you that banana milkshakes are good? What? I have.... Well they are, like banana gold.

Happy Holidays to you. Remember hands to the side of your head if you want to blend in with elves. The story will continue well next week.

[Catherine]

"Row, row, row your boat gently to the the strange boat that sunk and now isn't. Merrily, merrily, merrily hoping you don't get nomed by a shark."

I sung to myself as I continued to paddle out to the boat, listening for duhs and looking for fins. Other than the butt head fish, it has been quiet other than the lapping of water against the side of the kayak. Fin wise, I haven't seen any of those either. Wait a second, might have to change that. Nope just a seagull saying 'Hey' to a friend or something.

I continue to paddle out to the boat, I think I under estimated the distance really. I thought it was a couple hundred feet off shore but wow, I was wrong. For a moment I look back and see Rachel standing on the dock watching me probably just in case something happens. I am not sure what she could do really, other than yell really loud or throw a rock. It is not like she can run on water or anything ninja style. I can tell she doesn't have the proper training, since she is not wearing a black outfit or face mask or throw ninja stars or go poof in a cloud of ninja smoke. I understand if she didn't carry ninja throwing stars since if you forget about them and stick your hand in your pocket it would hurt a lot. So I give her a pass there but no black outfit, while gothie I think she might look good in or any ninja smoke bombs, pfft not a ninja.

Come to think about it, I have at least one of those, I should have tried running on water. The worse that can happen is I get a little wet behind the ears. I am doing it! Sink gurgle gurgle gurgle. I could try it now, run the rest of the way and everything, just it is deep here and I have never really given it a try, so maybe I should hold off. I don't need Rachel yelling out asking why I just stood up and looked like an idiot trying to run on water. If I need to, I will run back from the boat as something big, tentacled and pointy teethed chases after me.  More than likely frantically swinging my arms at the same time telling Rachel to run!

For a moment I consider I am being punk'd since I am not getting any closer to the boat. I mean I have paddled from back there to right here and the boat is right there, so I should have reached if by now. But nope, it is right there and I am right here. Dig deep little monkey girl. So on I paddle, the water erupting around me as a thing; group, pride, flock or whatever of flying fish erupt out of the water. Arching over the front of the kayak. It was really pretty to see the rainbow that was formed from the water droplets as they flew over. I was gong to check to see if their was a bucket of gold on one side and a dancing leprechaun since they are at the ends of the rainbow, but when I looked something special happened.

My face meeting the face of a flying fish. I would say the look on the fishes face was priceless, the look of shock and awe. But it wasn't and I think one of us screamed right before impact. SMACK! The cold sound of scales meeting flesh reverberated off the water around me as the boat rocked from side to side. Stupid fish, I growled as I tired to stop the boat from flipping, spitting scales out of my mouth. I could see it sitting there stunned, before shaking its head, blurping and flipping into the water.

Reaching for the paddle again, I looked just in case there was anymore flying objects of any sort. One fish was fine. Two fish not so much. A squid, I will pass. A whale and I will go splat. The air was clear so I paddled on and soon kayak meet boat, the dock way over there and I started to climb up the rope ladder slung over the side.

As I started to crawl onto the deck, I heard the snapping of fingers from below. Quickly I turned around to look and saw what looked like a tentacle slipping back into water. For a moment I flashed back to the ick monster back in the woods and the cricket bat. Without taking my eyes off the water, I climbed onto the deck and turned around. "Stay down there, especially if you have a cricket bat. My properly padded butt doesn't want to be bat hugged over and over." I said pointing down to the water, standing there just long enough to name sure there was no surprise cricket smacks in the my butts near future. Satisfied I turned around and tried  to come up with a plan.

Hmm...let me see....


*******


The boat was biggish so something was here unless bubbles brought it up to the surface, which I really doubt. Bubbles don't work that way as far as I know. No big bubble conspiracy, boo the bubbles are here to take over the world boo. They will pop right in front of you, spraying you and making you wet boo. They will dance up your nose and make you sneeze boo. Soon the sky will be filled with them raining bubble pain on all of us. Beware beware you can see it in their bubble exterior.

*giggle*

No no. That is funny though. I can imagine the saying on the posters 'POP! Goes the  revolution.' Run! The bubbles are coming!

*imaginary laugh and roll on the deck just in case something is around*

Okay to funny, I whisper to myself as I wipe my eyes. I hope that doesn't start to spread. The whole bubble bath industry would crash when people think that they are cloning bubble warriors and then don't even start me in the bubble blowing industry.

"Why are you making them stronger for?"

"So they don't pop."

"Right....Why are trying to make an indestructible bubble, you are secretly doing for the bubble overlords aren't you?!?"

"No, just trying to make it so they don't pop so easy."

"Right, I Bet that is what the bubble overlords told you to say."

"There is no overloads!"

"Right" *wink*

"There isn't"

"Right' *wink*, "viva la bubble."

"Viva la bubble!"

"I knew it! "

So unless there is a bunch of evil power hungry bubbles out there planning to take over the world one boat at a time or something. Which is sort of  air headed, ugh bad bubble joke. I needed to look for something non bubble on the boat. Not sure what it could be but I have a funny feeling once I see it I will know it is that. 

Looking around the deck, I could tell it was up here sunning itself. No chairs or umbrellas set out. Nothing moving really other than that squid over there, poor little um guy? Not sure how you can tell the difference from a little boy squid and a little girl squid.

Slowly I walk over to the little squishy thing as I pull out the Boy Scout manual. Let's see if it can help.... Flip flip flip. Ladybugs , don't be fooled by their name. No flip flip. Bears - what do they do in the woods and do you really want to know? Ew no. Flip.

There it is, Squids - how to tell which bathroom they go in. Okay and well interesting. Enlightening in a non enlightening kind of way. So this is a.... Carefully I pick up the squishy squid, flipping it over several times and comparing it to the diagrams. Not measuring it though, you don't pull out tape measure and put it up against a stranger unless you are a seamstress, that is just weird. Okay it looks like it could be a...suddenly the squid squirmed and SQUIRT.

"What in the?" I yell as I brought a hand up and with  one good wipe could see again. The squid still in hand, giving me that puppy dog eyes that only squids could do, which don't really work on a person that just wiped ink from their eyes.

"Let me help you," I growled as I pulled my hand back and let the squid fly. A little black trail tracing its path back home. KERSPLASH! A ink spray thank you later, at least I think it was a thank you and the squid was gone. Free to do what squids do.

Time for a tour, hopefully not a three hour one either.


*****

So far I can't say too much with what I am seeing, barnacle and see anemones. So I am thinking who or whatever brought the boat up to the surface wanted to keep the ocean theme. Well under the ocean theme, any carpet is going to be ruined definitely. Especially with the water still sitting around, you would think they would take the effort after raising the boat to maybe get a wet dry vac or a sham wow and get all of the water up, but no. Puddle of water here and puddle of water there, in fact there is a starfish in that one. I have to remember that if something is chasing me.

Little known ninja secret, starfish can be used for make shift throwing stars if you are in a pinch. Especially if that pinch includes be chased down by something with tentacles, beak and claws and bat wings. Then starfish are great, anything is to be best at that point, even the kitchen sink. Although I have found that kitchen sinks don't keep their aim to good. They doing spin or anything, you throw and they most of the times they hit the ground. Not to cool looking when you throw them, especially if the faucet spins around and hits you in the back of the head when you throw the sink. Hiyah, eat this! WHACK! Although the chrome would catch the light just right, maybe if they.... Now that would take the throwing stars to the next level, chrome them! They would sparkle, twinkle and a couple more nkle type words as they flew. The target would be amazed and bedazzled, standing there and staring at the stars as they flew right at them. Maybe I will need to look into that later.

I walk around looking;steering wheel, disks, pull things, the little Hawaiian dancing girl Bobble doll with some stuff growing on it. It has bobbled its last bobble I say. Some seaweed covering up a calendar that is...... Say it is puppies that would be cute. Carefully I push the seaweed out of the way and quickly draw my hand back. Eek! Okay definitely not a puppy calendar, key word is definitely. Puppies don't look like that, there were.....

*mental bar of soap to clean out the last thought that was interrupted.*

Okay not sure why that didn't dissolve away or anything. It makes sense that it didn't though, in a strange way. I don't  know what that way is but there is a way.

Not to much else in room number one, time to hit the stairs over there and see what the bowls of the boat hides. Please don't let it be beans, I don't need boat phpt.

((boat phpt is the worse. Seagulls land on your tongue and their feathers go up your nose.))

[Catherine]

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Goes the steps as I go down them. Stepping over various inanimate sea life, which really shouldn't be kept on the stairs since it creates a tripping followed by a falling hazard.

Nothing special with the stairs other than that. I am not sure what I was expecting really, after the maze of madness other stairs pale in comparison.  No way others would match those at all, the endless up and down. Feet hurting, begging for it to end and when you think you have reached it, there are another flight of them. I actually became an expert that day on stair identification.

Quickly I turn and point to the stairs that I just descended and mentally announce stairs. *proud pose * I still have trouble with escalators though, they look like stairs but they aren't. It doesn't help that they move which prevents proper identification of them.  Since they are usually made of metal you can't dart them either, darts just go flying off of them and well..... Okay there was that one time, I did the whole blow dart thing and I thought I had it and well I still feel really bad. The nun was in the wrong place at the wrong time and poke, dart in the butt. She looked happy as she fell, I heard that her sleep was peaceful too. Honest it wasn't my fault! How was I suppose to know that, that would happen. A million to one shot, okay the last part was not appropriate since it is still to soon. I just don't get in the habit.... Ugh that one wasn't good either. Anyways those are stairs over there so let's move on.

Now comes the tricky part, which since I haven't got any training in the aqua art of where to go or how do I get somewhere is going to be kind of hard. Let me see, only two ways to go really other then back up the stairs. Towards the front of the boat or the back of the boat, I know they call them something else but front and back work just fine. Not like I am going to confuse myself or others.

Go to the front if the boat.

Which way is that? I get confused sometimes. Is the front the back on boats?

No! It is the front. Go to front. That way towards the front.

Which is?

That way, the signs are pointing that way. Ignore the weird word, it means front just follow where it is pointing.

Eye, eye captain.

Yes I have two now get going.

Okay there was an exception but I won't get confused. It is that way, in the direction I am heading. Towards the door with skull and crossbones painted on it, which isn't a good sign but maybe just maybe there will be parrots instead of pirates. Please let there be a parrot, no hook arms or peg legs or eye patches please.....


******

Slowly the door swings open, so slow the movement of it isn't noticeable. I could do the whole foot to door and hiyah thing, but something flashes into my mind. The scene of the door flying open, me standing there, the door swinging back and BANG! Door meets face! Not anyone else's face but mine and since that doesn't sound like fun, slow and no banging is good.

As the door swings open I crouch, I am already a small target but being a smaller one is even better. Any pirates or parrots on the other side would never expect that and would fire over my head before adjusting.

The room beyond was what I expected, the ocean motif carried throughout with barnacles, see anemones and water. If I closed my eyes it would feel like I was under water, realize I am under the water and running out of air and try to swim to the surface. Failing at that due to gravity. Yeah I would try to jump, but jumping under water doesn't do to well even if the water doesn't exist. Of course if I closed my eyes I wouldn't see the ocean motif and just stand there giving something an opening to sneak up and possibly nom a leg or worse.

Looking around it looked a normal room decorated with ocean stuff and a large pile f sand in the middle of a room. Which isn't normal to see in boats, well the sea stuff too but I meant the large pile of sand. Not to many captains allow sandboxes in boats, unless they are manned by cats, then maybe yes. But cats and water don't mix, I think they float on the top like oil maybe, not sure though and I really don't want to test that.

"What are you doing young lady?"

"I am testing a theory," I respond as I pull back a hand.

"Which is?"

"If cats float in water like oil," I answer as I throw a cat really far. Away from any possible obstructions that might dirty the findings.

Yeah that isn't a conversation I want to be part of, cruel and unusual. Although I  have heard of catfish so maybe.... No no they don't have fur and they blurp not meow. Well there are those one fish I saw once on tv that had fur but those didn't look catlike, more trout like with fur coats if anything.

Without blinking I switch from the imaginary adventurer hat to the imaginary detective hat. Playing an imaginary black licorice pipe in my mouth. Not the best tasting imaginary pipe but it was either it or a bubble gum one and have you ever tried to get imaginary bubble gum out of your hair, almost nearly impossible. It's like it isn't really there but it isn't. I have seen it trap mimes and that is impossible to do, since they can carry just about everything without you even knowing it.

 Slowly I circle the sand pile looking for any signs, you know the ones that would quickly identify the purpose of the sand. So far no go, no pail trails or little shovel tracks. No paw prints or even fin prints. Is that a hoof print?

I lean in and kneel down, picking up some of the sand a letting it fall between my fingers. Definitely feels like sand. I would taste it but I dint know where it has been. Listen or talk to it? I am not a sand whisperer so that is a no go. So that is confirmed, it is sand.

So not a cat box and not a sand box, so what is it?

Hmmmm.....

Maybe the sandman urped here after a night of nightmares. That makes sense, but the sand didn't feel right. Nothing dreamy about it, more itchy and scratchy if it gets in your bathing suit.

Pulling out an imaginary magnify I started looking for smaller clues. Maybe whoever made this pile of sand used small pails and shovels. Nope no signs of those, just some grains of sand leading off towards the back of the boat.

"Let the chase commence," I whisper, "or however the saying goes."


*****


The trail of fine sand leads me out of the room and down the hallway. I pause for a moment at the bottom of the stairs, that is the logical place where it would have come from. Up there above deck, brought in from a beach or the bottom of the harbor. Still don't know why though. Maybe they collect it? This flake of sand is from this beach I visited once and it was really rainy that day. Now this one is from a little beach, the crabs were practically mean there. Okay and  that one over there is from a beach that I found one day, it just got done raining and I followed a rainbow to it. Need to get better organization if they do though, some type of filing system. Maybe a bar code on each or an rfid chip.

Scanning the stairs like only a detective with a magnify glass can, I didn't find traces of any sand bits heading up. "Strange.." I said to myself as I do the standard detective thinking pose, one arm across chest as the other hand rubbed chin. Unless sand can appear out of thin air, there was only logical source indubitably. Had to throw in that last word due to wearing the imaginary detective hat, rules or something.

Slowly I lean per over, imaginary black licorice pipe in mouth. PUFF PUFF. Hmm.... Now knowing what to look for, sand under foot, it becomes clearer now. The path leads that way, to the butt of the boat. What lies behind the door? Is it the killer? Will the murder weapon be found? Will I finally find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

Slowly I take the doorknob, the chill in the metal doing what chilled metal does. I could feel my tail slow its sway and peek over my shoulder, interested on what drug the sand all over the place and made a mess. Turning it, the doorknob, I expected a squeak or something but it just turned and then I heard the pop of the lock.   

Now in the movies this is the time that whatever is on the other side of the door, will give it a good yank. Pulling the cute and adorable heroine causing her to tumble into its grasp or into something sharp and pointy, wood or possibly metal. I prepare by bracing myself and taking the doorknob in both hands . There would be no way that I was going to be a monkey on a stick, no way.

The door edged open more and more revealing the room on the other side. I don't know what I was expecting really. Something sandy maybe, even something big and sandy with red glowing eyes, nothing says monster other than red glowing eyes. Yeah a machete does a little when it is dripping blood but that could be ketchup really. Bit all there was a room. A room with walls, ceiling a floor. Nothing interesting in it, no signs of why the whole thing with the sand. Just a hole I the floor and nothing else.

Maybe my sleuthing is rusty, I told myself as I closed the door. I haven't done it in years really and I have been meaning to shine the magnifying glass and blow the dust of the hat but got busy and well you know. Time walked, no ran away as fast as possible. Maybe whatever did the sand, covered its trail and gave me a fake one to follow. It's hard to know when you have found a real trail and a fake one sometimes, the counterfeiters now a days do a really good job at making them. Taking extra care to wear them just right so they look legit. You see most people faking trails doubt put the extra effort into them and they look too new compared to the surroundings. If all of a sudden you find a trail that looks old and then it looks new, so new it looks like it was made five minutes ago, red lights should be flashing and horns blaring. You are on a fake trail.

Oh well, I guess back to the sand trail and see where.... Wait a minute! I threw open the door and looked again, hole! In the bottom of the boat! But how? Holes usually mean water gushing in but it isn't. Quickly I run over and look, then poke it with a toe. It is a hole alright and that is water, but something is preventing it from coming in. Looking closer I can see something under the boat, down towards the bottom of the harbor. Something fishy duh duh duh. Three duhs mean it is more interesting, curiosity piqued.

There is only one thing to do and that is to take off the imaginary detectives hat and put on a imaginary swimmers cap on. Those things are always so tight and give me a headache. Moments later and a snap, swimmers hat engaged.

*ninja art of holding breath a lot so I don't  go glug glug under the water*

As I prepare, taking a step toward the edge and throwing my arms straight up, I hear the snap of another swimmers cap coming from my tail. Looking back it gives me a thumbs up like tails do as it strapped on a tank of oxygen.

Giving my tail a nod, I walk to the edge of the hole and sorting ceiling ways, bend and slip into the water.,

Brrr....someone should have told me it was cold.

((Turn around please and give a girl some privacy so she can get changed. Jeez....until next time.))

[Catherine]

Down I go through the ocean no, sea no, harbor yes that sounds good. Down I go through the ocean depths like monkey to water. Nichole Anne Marie Smith, unofficial sea monkey. Don't try to find me in those little bags of things you can buy in magazines or find in museums. Those aren't really monkeys, but we are related in some weird sort of genetic way. After their ancestors came on land then  turned back around and went back to the ocean depths, they sort of evolved in a sea sort of way. Not sure why their ancestors turned back around, maybe it was too hot or dry for them.

I would say it was pretty, swimming down, but everything was so wet and blah. Looking around everything was so dark and I had to stay in full know everything that was swimming around and possibly come out of the dark and give me a teeth massage. I was out of my environment and in theirs and all I would be able to do is blurp if let's say a great white shark decided to say 'Hey, I am going to eat you now' to me.

There was some stuff swimming around, the usual sea and water stuff. Nothing dog like, fish on two legs like or shark like. So I keep monkey paddling down wishing I had packed a mini sub after a while. I think if they had one of those 'you are here' maps, I would be all my monkey seeing where I was at, how far I had to go and that there was a palace made of seashells not by the seashore over there.

You can't keep a monkey girl down, well you can but she is going to be kicking and screaming quite a bit, so down I go. Down, down and more down. Down to where the fish have flashlights on their heads because it is so dark. Down to where the bottom is and the stone I saw from way above.

Looking at it, I can see there is some strange markings that look particularly old and ancient engraved on it. The barnacles and stuff add just the right feel of being there for a really long time to the stone. To me they look like a bunch if lines, squiggles and circles but to someone else it might mean something. I could pull out the boy scout manual, but paper and water don't mix to well. Gets all mushy and pulpy. Makes it hard to read. Hey look I finally found that book I have always wanted to read, well pooh bear it is starting to run through my fingers.  Let me see how it.... No! I can't flip the page, the ending will never be known. I won't know if..... Or if...... Or how this other thing was done. No......

*imaginary cry under water which is useless*

Only one thing to do, mental Polaroid and hope it develops. Then hopefully the manual has something or I can find someone who can read ancient. I stop paddling for a moment, framing the rock just right and SNAP! There is a flash of light, startling all of the fish swimming around and the red headed mermaid over there. Then I blurp a bubble and watch it race its way up to the surface. Away from water since like cats air doesn't like to be wet.

Like a monkey after a banana I race to the top. It has no arms or legs I am so going to win.

****

I paddle and paddle hard to get to the surface , no bubble is going to stick its tongue out at me because it won. No way no how. It might try too, but nope. No sticking tongues out unless it is mine. I mean once it got around that I got beat by something without arms and legs, people would point a giggle and I would think there is a sign on my back or a booger  swinging from my nose or I got a bit of something in my teeth. None of which I would have; back is sign free, no booger friends ranging down and I make sure there is nothing between my teeth. Especially after that one event. I would tell you about it since it was an event but if I stopped swimming to tell you, one I would let all of the air in my lungs out. Which wouldn't be good for me , I sort of like having air in my lungs. It keeps my lips from turning blue for one reason. The second. Reason is air keeps me from passing it. Which I don't mind doing in a bed  but not underwater. The second thing that would happen if I stopped swimming is I would sink back down towards the bottom,p and I am going in the opposite direction. So,,..yeah. Don't want that then.

Let me confirm it with my tail, yeah it is saying up is right and down is a draw of the tail. So my ascent continues and I star to catch up with the bubble. Closer and closer and I can start to see the light.

"I got you," I gasped as I broke the surface, water going all over as I threw my arms up. I would have done my happy dance but I was in the water, making dancing really hard and I am not a bad winner. No rubbing in a victory, just throw up the sign of the 'V', smile and say good job to the others. That is right I didn't say the not winners or anything, we all win in our own special way in this race. If you think about it, We could have both suffered the Jonah syndrome, which neither of us wanted I think. I know I personally didn't want to be swallowed by a whale. That is just......ick! Who knows what is in a whale? Who knows when was the last time it brushed its teeth or used a breath mint? The bubble just bobbed there for a moment before just popping, maybe it was mad for loosing the race. I told it good job and it will  beat me the next then it just POP!

With a little bit of a frown, I pulled myself up out of the water and stood there thanking for the cute and adorable rules.

Cure and adorable rule #69. -  the cute and adorable will be dry as they leave a liquid. Unless it makes them even more cute and adorable then it can stay.

I blink once as my body immediately dries, Time to get to work!

Well hopefully it is time.


*****

I grab my bag and take a couple steps away from the hole before sitting down, that should give me just enough time if something tentacle related or arm with claw related come out of it. You see most people get comfortable after getting out of the water, just look at the movies which proves that.

"Oh I am safe now, I am out of the water and the bad old monster can't get me. I will just stand right here just inches away, while it sits there watching and hoping that I will slip and fall back into the water so it can eat me. Ha ha you can't get me. " and smack butt in a teasing way at the sea monster.

Yeah no, sea monsters aren't limited to just water. If they want to they can reach out and touch someone with hand, tentacle, mouth or whatever else they have. So I will sit over here, facing the water too. That is important too, facing away allows for surprises and I don't like the tentacle wrapped around the body and being dragged back into the water type of surprises. It sounds fun in the claw the ground sort of way but no. Line drawn in crayon here.

Sitting cross legged, I pull out the book of all knowledge or as some call it 'Boy Scout Manual' and start to flip through it. 'How to open a bottle with your big toe', ok why? Who tested that and why can I imagine the scene.

A man is thirsty but just can't get the cap off his drink. "Here let me get that for you," another man says as he starts to take off a shoe and sock, wiggling his toes a little to stretch the muscles. "What are you?" The first man says as the other raises his foot towards the bottle. The other man answers with, "I am going to open it for you," as his foot edges closer and closer. In shock, the first man just stares as other man wraps his big toe around the cap and gives it a clean jerk. Pppfffftttt goes the bottle and the sound of the bottle cap hitting the ground can be heard ringing in the mens' ears, "uh thanks."

That would make everything taste like foot. Simply disgusting. I don't want to taste foot when I am thirsty, don't want to really taste foot when I am not either. FLIP FLIP and more FLIP. How to see in the dark with your eyes closed. Okay, Sounds a little batty to me. Might have to try that it out. I read a little bit, yeah definitely batty since it calls for screaming and listening. Also a lot of banging into things too.  FLIP FLIP. Poison Ivy - The three leaves of itchiness. Tell me about it, I have had enough experience with that stuff. I could probably write a.... Oh look I did write the article, interesting since I don't remember putting words to paper. FLIP FLIP FLIP. Squiggles, lines and circles - How to decipher the ancient. "Now this should help I think" I whisper as I pull out the mental snap shots I took, giving them a little shake to help them develop a little more.

Hmmmm these old mental Polaroids are the best. They give just the right feel to everything, classic and ageless. No way they are going digital mental anytime soon, people would complain I think. Yes the digital mental would be crisper and everything but the nostalgia would be lost and that is what you want with mental photos.

Okay it looks like there is somethings that are a little off with the photo, little wonky color things happening here and there but still quite useable, but it should work. Let's get deciphering. Let's see what is first, it looks like a squiggle. It could have been a fish that flipped on its side, but I will go with a squiggle since I see no bubbles or fins.

I start to scan the page, finger running over the page to keep me focused. It looks like a squiggle means this, interesting I would have thought it would have meant something else. Mentally I flip open a notepad and write what the squiggle kit mean and move to the next symbol, a series of three lines that are stacked on top of each other. Which is good, it keeps the symbol organized and everything simple, well as simple as an ancient written language that no one writes anymore can be.

Again my finger flies across the page in search of the three lines on too of each other. It was easy to find the single line one, which means something else if it is at an angle. Two lines probably means two lane road maybe and no, no it doesn't. Okay which makes sense now really. On to the cat looking thing, thar should be easy to find since that is quite unique, got it and it isn't a cat?

It looks like a cat but it says it is really suppose to be a pig. Looking at the imaginary Polaroid again and even using a imaginary magnify glass I am just not seeing it. No snout or curly tail and it definitely not built like a big as in round. Someone should should have studied pigs more, maybe put one up on a pedestal or something, so they could capture pig instead of a cat. Unless something happened and we are now calling cats pigs and pigs cats. Which would change the whole hamburger industry if you think about it. Can I have a McMeow with cheese meal please? Ick! It tastes fun but ick.

Someone would find the cookbook and run out into the street yelling how the McMeow is made from cats and everything. Some would lick their lips, addicted to the taste of the McMeow. Riots and protests would happen, cities would burn. Finally an army of purple things would come out and well..... Not so pretty.

So pig, oink oink....Interesting. I pause for a moment to rub my chin wth an imaginary hand as I think of the interesting then write a note down in the imaginary notepad and continue to the donut. This one is difficult, it could mean so many things, especially if it is glazed or has sprinkles. If it is a yeast donut or cake one, is it gluten free? Maybe it isn't a donut but the black sheep of the donut form, the bagel! So many options, this is going to be the hard one to translate. Okay here it is. *point*

So now if I look at my notes and make some assumptions and connections then of course make it into a sentence and not a lot of gobbly gook, words thrown down on a page or something like that. Then read in and out of it, looking for secret meanings between the lines and letters. A message starts to form, one that hopefully points me in a direction not on this boat, which is would be good since if evil was on the boat it wouldn't be that big and menacing.  More like..... A poodle or chihuahua trying to be menacing. Just pat it on its head and go 'you are just the cutest little thing.'give it a little pinch on the cheek and move on as it yips at you. I was a getting a little disappointed.

Let me see the message says..... Sheep have wool. What the? Why would the ancients leave a message like that at the bottom of a harbor? Oops forgot to carry the one and let's do some little additional work and now this makes sense, little more ominous top and explain the cat pig.

*clear throat*

Evil will come from the sea. Which  I sort of figured out, bringing things with it that man has never seen before. Knew that to, jeez the ancients like telling you things you already knew. It will venture on land bringing screaming and that one expression, you know the one with the hands to the side if the face and "aaaahhhh!" Sort of figured. It will be found in a building of meat and potatoes cut into shapes. Okay..... Never saw that coming.

Carefully I put the mental Polaroids away as I stand, slipping the manual into my bag as I walk back upstairs. Rachel will probably have a good guess where the building of meat and potatoes cut into shapes could be. Just have to get to shore and ask her.

What is the worse that can happen between here and there. I am here and I can see there and it looks peaceful other than that one bird circling about with the funny look on its face.

"Don't even think about it," I growl as I climb down the side of the boat to the sea kayak tied along side.

((bird dribblings are the worst. No respect and they just ignore yelling and scream. Until next time))

[Catherine]

I get the feeling that I have done this before as I paddle back towards the dock, but this time in reverse. It gives me time to think and strategize for the unknown. Which is kind of hard to plan for really, so many factors to take into consideration and stuff. What if the evil has big bat wings? What if they are small? What if the bat wings are paper mache and the evil is just one giant piñata? What about the tentacles? Which are ick since they have those, well just everything says ick with tentacles. But with there is just one tentacle? What if there are a bunch of them that glow in the dark and beep when you touch them? That stuff sort of matters when you strategize. Especially if they beep, that throws off the hold thinking and speaking thing.

Stop BEEP I BEEP like BEEP hugged BEEP this.

It would sound like you are being censored all of the time and you would start questioning what you just said and you would start second guessing everything. Then third and fourth guessing. It would just be a mess. Basically a finger up and down over lips moment.

Not wanting a headache and knowing where my hands have been, in the dirty water where the fish poop, I stop strategizing and let my mind go blank. It doesn't take to much thinking power to paddle so why not, I just stare at the destination and enjoy the peace and quiet. Not realizing at first, that Rachel is waving at me.

Being polite, I raise a hand and wave back. "Hey, I found a clue," I shout at Rachel. She doesn't respond with a nod or an ok. No she responds by waving her other hand at me. I think she missed me and us just happy I came back.

"I missed you too, I will be right in." I shout to her, getting closer and closer, not realizing how frantic Rachel's waving is. It isn't a friendly 'hey, how are you?' Wave it is more of a something really important is happening wave.

Rachel starts to insert new things into the waving, like a lot of pointing in my general direction. "I know," I say with a smile, "it's me. I am coming."

"No stupid!" Rachel yelled, "look behind you!"

"Hey that isn't...." I start to say as I turn to look back, the last word I was about to say stolen from my lips at what I was seeing. Not good, I tell myself as I watch tentacles wrap around the boat I was just on. Which means whatever is the owner of said tentacles is not small by any means. From here I could hear the cracking of wood as the tentacles wrapped around the boat and started to crush it.

It brought up so many questions, one being why. Why in the world bring the boat up to the surface to only crush it? It could have been easily crushed under water, even at the bottom of the harbor really. They, it or whatever could have taken their time with it then and kept the birds from getting it dirty. Really poor planning on someone's part. Let's bring the boat up, let it sit there for a little while and then crush it while we drag it back to the bottom where it was. Couldn't we just crush it down here? QUIET! Do not question me, I am the evil thing that came from the rock. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Bare beak hidden under tentacles and flare out wings in a menacing way so minions know I am not kidding, hopefully it isn't windy though.

I just float there for a moment, captivated at the destruction until I saw something quickly make its way through the water at me. I thought it might have been an eel at first, but then I connected the dots snd those lead me back to the boat. "Oh no no," I said I quickly turned back around and started to paddle. I would say I had a thing for tentacles, but I don't. They have a thing for me! In fact they liked wrapping themselves around me and doing things to me that usually hurt, my properly padded bottom could attest to that.

I don't what it is, that attracts the tentacles to me, but I wasn't going to wait and ask  either. That and I have heard tentacles are notorious  non-talkers, so off I shot. From sitting there to going as fast as possible. I dint need to look back, my tail told me that the tentacle was keeping up. Which is good, the not looking but being told part, since if I looked I would more than likely run into something. Be it a bird, fish or a boat snd I preferred to steer clear of those. Bird. Dodge. Fish. Dodge. Dolphin jumping out of the water. Oh pretty and dodge.

What do I need to do to lose the tentacle, I asked myself. Quickly I did a ninety, kicking up some water as I did and took off across the harbor with the tentacle on my tail. I tried a couple more turns and some other things and the tentacle stayed with me as I shot from one side of the harbor to the next. Every so often I would glance over to the dock and see Rachel standing there entertained, which didn't help the situation whatsoever,

I scanned the landscape, well waterscape in the harbor, and didn't see too much I could work with other than water, some seagulls which I could throw at the tentacle, the dolphin I passed up or the buoy sitting right there. BOINK!

* idea bulb goes off over head *

Quickly I do some fancy turns, not to lose the tentacle just to steer him, she or it to a certain point. Now if I am lucky the tentacle won't realize what is about to happen. At the last moment I monkey hop the kayak and grind the edge of the buoy, doing a mctwist half Nelson with a squirt of lemon and a biscuit on the side. Behind me as I caught air I could hear the distinct sound of tentacle hitting a very heavy buoy. THUNK!!

*imaginary smile with white of light glints and thumbs up*

I  kick the kayak sideways as I hit the water and start heading towards the dock. In my mind I could see the stars spinning around the tentacle, "Sleep well and dream what tentacles dream of. Just don't tell me what that is okay. That is definitely TMI."

As the boat approached the dock, I gave Rachel a look.

"What is that for?"

"Yeah you just stood there watching as I rowed back and forth across the harbor with a tentacle on my tail. You didn't raise a finger to help at all." I answer intensifying the look.

"Yes I did and it was entertaining."

"Thanks..." I said stepping out of the kayak, almost loosing it and falling into the water.

"You are welcome. So what about the clue you found?"

((A clue? Duh duh duh...))

[Catherine]

I explained what I had found at the bottom of the harbor and the message that was inscribed on it. How it was a bunch of lines and other things, including the pig that looked like a cat. About taking a mental Polaroid of it so I could decipher the ancient symbols then of course what I got after deciphering it.

Rachel stood there for a moment, thinking about the message. Pointing to something behind me wth motion of her hand. I didn't bother looking back to see what she was pointing at, foot came up and then down on something that squished. I did hear some popping sounds though right after the squishing. She did a couple more pointing episodes as we talked, which I would follow with stepping and then squishing.

"It sounds like that could be the local burger joint to be honest." Rachel said with another point, which was followed by a squish.

"That sort of makes sense really," I nodded, grinding my foot into the squishy thing.

A look of surprise appeared on Rachel's face with a blink, "It does?"

I nodded again, "The whole pig thing and hamburgers and potatoes. Other than the whole cat pig thing, evil cannot find any burgers or potatoes in the harbor. Well at least I don't think so. Are there sea pigs?"

Rachel just shrugged, "Not sure, maybe manatees or fat goldfish."

"Maybe, but they aren't in the ham family so the burgers wouldn't be hamburgers. Potatoes float, unless they are weighted down, looking at the harbor I don't see any potatoes at all."

I could see the hand slowly coming up and Rachel's fingers assuming the position of rubbing the bridge of her nose, "This is stupid."

"No it isn't." Stamping my foot just once, "It is simple logic. Unless pigs can hold their breath under the water or have scuba certification there is no hamburgers in the harbor and I see no potatoes floating, so no potatoes cut into weird shapes either."

"Fine.... It still is stupid though."

My shoulders drop, "Okay, but if you think about it, it isn't."

Slowly Rachel shook her head, "Okay.... There can only be one place in town that would fit what you told me and that the Entry and away burgers. Which is near here."

I take a deep breath before answering, "that smells franchise."

"Quite."

"Point the way then. Let's see how evil likes their burgers done. "


******


Quickly Rachel lead me away from the dock and the things that I kept stepping on. Maybe they were slugs or something with suckers. I am going with slugs, while not much better, especially if you step on enough of them their squishiness sort of starts leaking through your shoes and well ick. While people step on grapes with their bare feet I wouldn't recommend doing that with slugs. Why, you ask. Because grapes go splat and slugs go squish. That should be good enough. Just imagine every time you step you hear a squish, your feet getting a little more sticky with every step. Your trembling aren't you? I am!

We head off away from the waterfront, down this way and up this other way. I notice something as we walk and I stop. Looking down I can see a clear path in the stones that made up what we walked on. I couldn't say street or sidewalk since I kept jumping from one to another. Why? It was fun. Hop. Step. Hop. Walk. Hop. Hop. Shimmy. Hop and walk. The path was a scratch, about so deep, that seemed like it ran from the harbor to where we was going. Unless someone drug something for the fun of it, this wasn't a good sign. I think in the book 'not good signs' it was number thirty two.

'Large scratches in the ground doesn't lead to good things. The last things that left scratches in the ground was dinosaurs and those had teeth and claws and are really big. Do you understand what we are trying to say little cocktail weenie. Nom nom'

"Um" I say looking back up at Rachel as she continued to walk away, oblivious to me stopping and looking at something. "What is wrong?" Rachel asks to see the cause of the um.

I point towards the gouge, "Deep gouge, not good. Could be a dinosaur."

"Okay, no." Rachel said as she closed her eyes, "there isn't a dinosaur. That would be too strange and I would have known. "

"Strange? We fought shrimp and dog things."

"Okay, I will give you that but I haven't seen any dinosaurs and I think I would have remembered seeing one." Rachel nodded.

"Maybe a small one, something gouged the ground." I say motioning towards the ground.

"No small dinosaurs either. That could have been made by anything."

"Like a small dinosaur," I say smiling, hoping Rachel would agree.

"Fine, like a small dinosaur."

Nodding at little, "I knew it! As long as it isn't a raptor we are good or a t-Rex. Although if it is a t-Rex, it would have small arms and we can just put a hand on their head and stay away from their teeth."

"Ugh, this is ridiculous. Let's get going and see your dinosaur. Hopefully it isn't purple and sings. If it does I am going to do something not nice."

"It won't be, I don't like dancing ones or ones that spit. Which is nasty, they always spit in your face, no manners. Oh and ones that would hurt me."

"It better not be any of those," Rachel said not even bothering to warn me of her starting to walk away. When I look up, I see Rachel is half way down the block, quickly I begin to walk, eyes open for dinosaurs.


*****


Turning the corner, luckily there were no dinosaurs hiding there either or they would have gotten a hiyah. Probably to the knees too, since they are so tall. Karate chop and smile as I take a step backwards, "Oh hi. I was just smacking a fly that is all not you. I  hiyah flies. It gives them enough time to say their prayers. It wasn't a statement of chopping really." Followed by a cute monkey girl shaped cloud left behind as I take off.  The dinosaur stomping its feet as it chases after me.

I can see the place of meat and potatoes sitting there, it's sign blazing a bright red with white lettering declaring, 'Entry and Away burgers' with a big yellow arrow pointing towards the building just in case you didn't know where it was.  In this area it stuck out like a sore thumb since its architecture didn't match not a single thing in the had area, probably didn't match anything in the city. This part of the country. Maybe even this part of the world.

It was a big white building with a roof that was red and accents all over the building  building if yellow. If I had to say 'it looks like this', I say it looked like a ketchup and a mustard package got in a fight in a modern sort of way. Nothing about it screamed, 'Fishing Village' at all. It screamed modern, speak and sticking out.  They could have carried some of the wet rock or even the puddles and it what have sort of it but nope. Entry and Away burgers don't play that, sort of fake retro in a modern sort of way.

I turned towards Rachel and told her to wait. If evil was here, which by the scratched path leading right to the front door telling me it was, I didn't want Rachel anywhere near wings and tentacles until I knew more. That is a rule or something, it might even be a recommendation or at worse a hint. Let's see, it goes... Don't bring others into a situation with something with tentacles or bat wings until you know more. Not everyone likes sucker impressions all over them or having to get tangled bat wings out of their hair. They are like gum, just leathery with tiny claws, so they will be had to get untangled.

She tried to say she was coming but fingers pressed to lips stopped that. Well I think those stopped her I can't really say since I had already turned my attention, to the building with red umbrellas and a drive thru menu that glowed ominously, as I pressed my finger to Rachel's lips. It felt wet and I am surprised that her lips felt sort of... How could I say it, well think it since if I said it Rachel might ask for my stick. I would say hmmm.... Like two.... Let me see. I press my fingers back onto Rachel's lips, definitely that wet ummm....  As I pull my finger away, I heard Rachel spitting and a guttural growl, "Stop putting your finger in my mouth!"

"What? That sort of explains the whole.." I started to say as I turned to look at Rachel.

"Sort of explains what?" 

Standing there, I could see Rachel's face starting to turn red like a thermometer, "Ooh, um  nothing." Think fast little monkey girl. Quickly I put my hands on Rachel's arms and lead her to one of those cement tire stops, gently suggesting her to sit down and not to pick up the cement stop and leave impressions of it in my head ."You stay here please and I will be right back. I will bring a burger and fries back for you. It looks sunny, so you can work on your tan too. That and just in case there is evil, I will need a secret catch it by surprise weapon just in case things go bad and oh yeah..."

I reach up and carefully pull the banana milkshake off the top of my head. Handing it to Rachel I tell her that I need someone I can trust to watch my shake.

"Those all sound like excuses, " I hear Rachel saying as I turn towards the building.

"Maybe," I answer, "but I will come up with something better later." As I start to walk towards the building I hear a fine followed by hold the pickles and then SLURP!

((Hold the pickles!!! Burgers with no pickles. That is just meat and all of the condiments... okay maybe that is okay. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

Closer and closer I got to the building, the camera swinging around showing off the dramatic in the air. You can see it hanging in the air and everything, well you can't really since the dramatic is invisible. The only thing that is visible is the dramatics effects on things; lighting, perspective and colors. It is hard to explain really, everything is more dramatic. The lighting is just right, if need be it lights an object from below even though the lighting is coming from above. Not sure how that is done though, physics? The perspective is well wonky, one moment something you are walking to is way over there so you can get the dramatic walk in and the next moment it is right in front of you so you can stare at it dramatically. The colors, nothing says dramatic other than the lack of color other than a spot here and there.

I was getting all three as I was walking up so I had to watch my step or I would slam into the side of the building or something similar. The dramatics don't worry about your safety, all they worry about is the dramatic. They have been petitioned to dial it back on something things, like a kid's first ride on a bike. One moment they are shaky and riding away from their mom or dad and the next they are making a beeline to a lion's mouth, no one knows how that lion got there. All that matters is that it will be dramatic. Even worse the parent blinks as he is she proudly stands there, their kids biking away when suddenly they are zipping right towards them and ow!  You raise your hand ruing the day for the dramatics or something.

The best thing to do is to circle the building, surprises in kids meals are fine.since they don't try to nom you, but lurking surprises are not fine. No dogs waiting fir me since dogs are bit allowed inside. No fishies waiting in line when I get inside and no shrimp shooting bubbles at me just because.

Nothing fishy so far, I told myself as I headed towards the back of the place. That is where the Lurkers lurk, back there away from the front of the place. There they can hide in the shadows, scurry over things like crabs and me without my butter. Bad joke, let me make a connection that might have been lost. Crabs taste good dipped in butter, yum rub belly yum. Just a little butter though not so much it tastes like you are eating a stick of butter wth a tiny piece of crab. But I see nothing so far, no shells or scales just a sign with everything you can order. Which has a handful of meat products on it and some products that could be made of meat.

I can imagine nibbling on a fry and tasting the secret meat in it. Lifting  hand up, "they make their fries from meat. From meat! Is that how vegans do it? Tell me the truth! I can handle it. They really hide meat in the shapes of vegetables!!!! If it looks like a vegetable it is a vegetable, mmmm this burger I mean turnip tastes good."

Could go ahead a get Rachel her stuff before heading inside. That way she would be given enough time to digest her food, you know the rule. You must wait at least fifteen minutes after eating before fighting evil, if you don't, you get cramps and you don't want that. But if I place an order evil might over hear it and I run a chance of getting something else that I didn't order. Once I say something the tentacles and wings come out and blah.

"No I ordered a cheeseburger with.... Yikes! Without the tentacles and wings. I hope you cleaned those before making the food or at least you put gloves on and maybe a tentacle net?"

Best to wait, order inside and I can always tell evil that it needs to wait so I can run the food out to Rachel. It will understand, I hope. If it doesn't I will add the power hand sign so it knows I am not kidding. Quickly I make my way to the other side of the building, hand to cold metal handle and swing open.

******


Ding goes the door as it opens up, blowing any surprise I had really. As I step into the restaurant the door dings again and again. I can hear it preparing for another ding and I quickly look up at it and bring my finger to my lips and shhhhh..... Luckily the dinger saw me and paused at Di,  'thank you' I mouthed to it hoping it can read lips and I think it might have mouthed ding back. Kind of hard to tell really since I gave never learned to ring dinger lips, not that they have lips anyways. So I am going with it dinged a silent ding of ding saying 'your welcome'.

Looking around I am not really seeing anyone other than the one person sitting down by himself over there. Looking at the person, I was finding it hard to see any details. You know like eyes, mouth and stuff. It was like looking into well nothingness, of nothingness was in the shape of a person I think. I pause for a moment and did something rude, stare. I figured if I did I might be able to pick out some details a little, eyes would be nice. Tentacles not so much. But the longer I held the stare the more my eyes dried out, which is a gimme. Also the longer I held it the more of a headache I got. Quickly going from a dull hmmm I think I have a headache to something not as dull and more I think something is trying to rip out of my head, did an alien infect me or something. Any moment know one is going to pop out the top of my head, like one of those turkey things saying it is done and start to hiss and spit.

Screaming was out of the question since I didn't want to alarm anyone, anyone being the silhouette noming on something or Rachel since I am pretty sure if I yelled she would hear it since my head felt like it was going to explode and I would want to warn her. Yelling the wrong type of yell can have adverse effects for others, drawing them in and as soon as they get near boom goes the head and splat goes the brain stuff. I think they call it the bait and splat yell, for obvious reasons. So all I did was bring my hands up and squeeze my head hoping that would keep the whole head goes boom thing from happening.

Standing there I so felt like a Munch painting and looking over my shoulder I could see  that my tail was hunkering down as a just in case. Not good, I thought well tried to think as I stood there. Looking at my tail brought some relief, not because it was hunkering down either. But it seemed like the head splitting thing was less now, maybe if I.... I looked back at the silhouette and I got that instant head shattering feeling back in full force and even more. Ow, Ow and Ow! Oh banana this isn't good. I turned away again and like a switch the tearing and rending was gone. Now hiw about that banana that I heard mentioned. Oh yeah that was me, well pooh. I thought someone was freeing me one.

Somewhere deep inside of me, I heard a voice telling me I should look at the silhouette again. I considered it for a moment, a very short moment. More like a split moment before disagreeing with the voice. Then thinking sone thoughts that I hoped the voice could hear that were basically, "are you wanting my head to go boom?!?" Which I heard the voice reply after a long pause, "um....no?"

"Then why did you tell he to look?"

"Don't know," the voice answered, "thought it would be..."

"I am stopping you there," I thought back, "all it would be is explosive and I really don't feel like that at the moment."

"Okay, well shoot maybe later?"

"No! No maybe laters for heads going boom," I answered.

"That sounds pretty final and not open for discussion."

"It is and it is not open for discussion"

"Well, fine no head exploding then. You always get what you want anyways," the voice replied.

"Yes I do! It is my head anyways and I really don't feel like cleaning it up."

"Fine just go about doing whatever. I will just hang out back here."

I think one last thing before hearing towards the counter, "I will..." Luckily there was no line to wait in, evil doesn't like waiting. I mean I am not evil, that silhouette over there probably is and evil is known to be prompt. No wandering around before heading to evil or evil throws a fit and that is messy. Things get burned down, things explode and generally people go running and screaming. So best not to keep it waiting. No line keeps the time down but no servers makes the time long and I didn't see a soul in sight and with the head splitting thing from silhouette, I was doubting it had one. The only way to know is to ask though, but I needed something to start something and also something to prevent the booming effect.

Suddenly I heard something scrapping across the counter that drew my attention downwards. If it is a sea creature wth legs it was being very not sneaky and didn't deserve to nom me. All I saw was a tray with food stuffs, also a bag of probably food stuffs and a pair of joke sunglasses sitting there. I looked around for s moment and didn't see anyone or anything, so who or what.  But sitting there was everything I needed I think, not sure about the joke sunglasses, but everything else was there. I could run out and give Rachel her food and be back to check the whole soul thing and not have to worry about my food getting cold thing.

But the headaches ? "This better not be a punking," I whisper to myself.


*****

I slip on the joke sunglasses and of course look ridiculous.  I don't need to look, I can just sense the ridiculous. Maybe it was my ninja training that lets me sense that or I have tastes. They aren't stylish and make my head look really small. This has to be a punking, has too. There is no way these will prevent the head splitting headaches, no way. All the glasses will do is make it easier for others when my head goes boom, kind of hard to be shocked and screaming when you are pointing and laughing.

I mumble something,  that I can't even hear, before turning around to test the glasses. If they don't work they are coming off. Definitely, I tell myself when I catch my reflection in a shiny surface. The glasses were bad on the tray, nearly filling the tray and bright. Now on my head they looked like they were even larger and brighter. So bright I think I can hear them buzzing. I stop for a moment and look for any hidden cameras. Maybe there is one hidden in the plastic flowers, nope. Maybe one of the paintings hanging up has a camera hidden in it. That one over there with the creepy clown dressed like a king is definitely a possibility for that. Why even put a clown painting in a restaurant, especially a creepy king one. I am not even moving and it feels like its eyes are following me, judging me. You sure you want to eat that? Why don't you turn around super biggie vente gargantuan size it? You get a super secret toy with it. We will dust it off for you. So just turn back around and everything.

"Stop staring at me you stupid clown, " I growl, "I am not going to up size my meal. I will barely be able to finish what I have  even." Slowly I start to turn but whip back around to look at the painting. "You are creepy, " I growl, Rachel must have rubbed off on me, and march over to the painting. Carefully put my tray down, the whole time the paintings eyes are following me, reach up and grab the painting by the frame.

"Ah ha!" I announce as I pull the painting away from the wall expecting to see wires leading back to the wall. Ok.... No wires. *mental snapping of fingers* Wireless camera, only one way to block those. Quickly I flip the painting around and sit it back against the wall. "Let see you if you can creepy watch now." Nodding once as I reached for my tray again.

"Let's see how this goes," I tell myself as I turn to face the silhouette. Any moment now my head was going to explode if the glasses didn't work and there was plenty of places where brain guts could get stuck in. Like there, there and way up there. Three....two and one, boom? Head still feels like it is in my shoulders. No increased pressures. No brain guts flying. The glasses actually work!

Before I face evil I should face Rachel. Not sure which one I am dreading most. I know Rachel will point, laugh and possibly use words that I don't know. I know they exist  but chose not to use them, sone are quite tongue twisty and if you pronounce just be little thing wrong it could possibly change the meaning of the word. Riots and cities could burn down because of that. So best to stay away from them, I learned my lesson the one time and that is all it took. Still can't get the taste out of my mouth from that.

Then there is silhouette, head splitting without the funny glasses. No details that are visible but I have heard tentacles and bat wings. Which are creepy. It is still busy eating burgers, which is good. That means it will be to full too eat me. But tentacles and bat wings. *mental shiver * Those are just ick...

I have to decide though. Maybe I can....no cant don't that. What about? No not that either. Well that leaves me only one thing, slowly I reach for the bag and tray, take a deep breath and....

((Dramatic deep breath pause....))

[Catherine]

I knew it, just knew it, As soon as I stepped outside with Rachel's meal in hand I would hear laughter. Mine left inside by the way, I wasn't too worried about silhouette doing anything to my food since it was concentrating on its food. I am not sure if silhouette was taking the time to properly enjoy the food or not, it was a constant food to mouth sort of thing. I got the feeling with the little time I was in the restaurant, if you accidentally tripped and fell towards its mouth you were going to be chewed up. Like some pit in the sand that is actually some creature on a far far far off planet.

There Rachel sat laughing as I walked up, laughing because of the glasses. "What are those for?" She laughed, pointing and a almost falling off the cement tire stop thingie.

"To keep my head from blowing up," I answered handing the bag over to Rachel.

Rachel took the bag and kept laughing, "Sure..."

'It is and it does..." I said, turning around in a huff. "I tested it!"

"Uh huh.." Rachel said as she rummaged through the bag.

Without me even asking, my tail swiped at Rachel's hand and I think hissed. I am hoping it was my tail and not me. That is all I needed at the moment was some butt hiss to fuel the laughter from Rachel.

"Did you just?"

"No!"

"Sure...."

"It wasn't!"

"Okay...."

"You are saying that like you don't believe me."

"Well...."

"It wasn't me, it was my tail!"

"That is what everyone says."

"It was!"

Rachel jerked her hand away as my tail cracked and hissed, "Hey now." Without out turning around I knew she was mesmerized by my tail as it swayed back and forth like a Cobra, ready to strike those that don't believe me about the glasses, thank monkey it wasn't like a spitting cobra. That would be hard to explain. Okay tails have this one thing and this other thing which goes to this other thing that allowed it to spit. Wait a moment I think I just explained it and it makes perfect since, huh.

"I was telling the truth." I tell Rachel without turning around, my tail doing the keep the food away from Rachel until her stomach grumbles and roars. SNAP! "Hey!" HISS! "Stop that, that is just weird." SNAP! "Ow that hurt!" SNAP! GRUMBLE GRUMBLE ROAR! "Okay I give. The glasses keep your head from blowing up."

"Good," I nod, my tail slowly swinging around but keeping its eyes on Rachel. Putting her on the spot I think. Slowly I start to pet my tail and hear Rachel mumbling something as the sound of crumpling paper fills the air. I catch a part here and there but since I am not good with puzzles can't piece them together.

Before I started to walk away, I take the banana milkshake and SLURP!

Yum. Have I told you it is good? What? I have, well okay. It is like banana gold.

I tell Rachel that if I give her the signal of.... Wildly swinging my arms as I am wrapped in tentacles and my hair is messed up with bat hands, yeah that sounds like a good signal... To come running. Mouth full, Rachel nodded as I walked back to the restaurant. Time to see if the burger is any good oh and face evil. 

((Another dramatic pause duh duh duhhhhhh))

[Catherine]

The door dings again and I didn't even touch it this time, I was reaching for it and it dinged. Like it was getting the ding in for good measures or the dinger dinged because it saw into the future. A precognitive dinger, it knows when someone is about to open the door that it is attached too so it dings. But what if the person chooses not to open the door will the dinger ding? Will the dinger stay silent until it knows for certain? Maybe it is telepathic and senses the thought of opening. This is getting deep, if the door opens on its own accord then I know something is down, well up. Doors just don't do that, well those ones do but not this type of door.

Hand touches handle, no movement by the door. Pull back and ding. I will give the door that. Now if the ding sounded menacing I would have stopped there. Dings aren't suppose to sound menacing, no 'you aren't welcome here!' or 'beware the silhouette' type dings. Just  a friendly ding  so I continue inside and grab my tray.

I can see that silhouette is still eating, happily I think. Not sure if it is working on the same burger or the eightieth. It doesn't matter really somethings can put away the burgers and not have to worry. Lucky somethings. If it is on the eightieth it is preparing to hibernate, like a bear. Eat all it can, sans monkey girls of course, then go find a place to sleep. Which if it just woke up, I am doubting it is preparing for hibernation. Sleep for how long and only be awake for days then back off to bed? Yeah no....

That and I don't see anymore wrappers. Which it could be eating too, but again, while that is Eco safe and would cut down on pollution and stuff I just don't see that either. No evil thing cares about pollution, unless it wants to take over a clean world but evil just laughs at clean. Well other than twinkle vampires, they like to clean things hence the twinkle part of their name. That and the bottles of glitter that just happens to float around them all of the time, little glitter magnets.  I have heard stories of them making kindergarten classes cry when they walk by. All the glitter that the kids are using just flies up and towards the vampire leaving the kids with blank paper, crayons and macaroni shells. The kids cry as the vampire glitters. Tsk Tsk. Just evil.

Silhouette didn't look like a twinkle at all. Nothing twinkling there or surrounding there at all. So mark  that off the list. Well it time  to face evil or something that just looks well looks and figure out what it is and what it wants.

Slowly I approach silhouette then give it a smile. "It looks crowded, may I sit here." Silhouette pauses mid something and looks around the not busy restaurant then motions with something, maybe a hand, to the own chair in front of it.

"Thank you," I say sliding into the chair and putting my tray in front of me. "So...." I start to say as i bring the burger up to my mouth. "Tell me about evil."


((I think a question is a good place to end it is dramatic.... well for a question.))

[Catherine]

Silhouette doesn't really say anything, just brings the burger back up to something then back down. My eyes follow the burger for a moment and I can clearly see the bite that was just taken out of it, but unless this is an endless burger of noming, which grows back after each bite, silhouette isn't really eating. He is just bringing burger to whatever and back down like a reverse one of the those drinking birds. Ones that drink the water but really don't.

Up comes the burger again, pause and back down. A bite taken out of it. But I saw no mouth, so the whole 'I have no mouth but yet I nom' is true. Down goes the burger and up it goes again. Rinse and repeat. So odd....

"It looks like you are enjoying that burger in a noming non nom sort of way." I laugh, the second ha freezes in my mouth when silhouette stops mid swing up and I think stares at me. In that very instant it felt like every ice cube in the restaurant decided to run a marathon up my back. Thankfully not bringing the wet, that would be hard to explain.

"Say why did you shirt become so wet in a specific location on your back?"

"Ice cubes," answering with a nod.

"Okay, say what?"

Nod more, "All of them here decided to run a short marathon up my back ."

"Okay..."

Instantly I shot straight up as my tail banged into the back of the chair, giving it a headache. As I relaxed, my tail slowly swung around so I could gently pet it so it would feel better."Well it looks like you are. What with the constant  burger to mouth thing going."

I thought the first batch of ice cubes were bad, they turned around and ran back down. Again I instantly shoot straight up, banging my head against the back of the chair this time. THUMP! "Ow!"

The one thing good, out of a long list - just saying and not bragging, with being a monkey girl is that we learn fast. It usually on takes one head banging against something for us to learn something. Which is oddly convenient at the moment. Best to change topics I think, away from the nom noming thing to something less head banging against the chair thing. I don't mind learning something new, but back of head against hard surface sort of hurts!

Hmm... I pick up my burger, when in Rome. "So tell me about rock and chains. Nom.


*****

Silhouette just sat there again, I understand there is probably a lot could be said about rock and chains. More than I can probably think of. Rocks; hard, rough and some are heavy. It hurts when you get hit by one and you don't want to throw them in glass houses. Oh and dad had to replace a lot of windshields because of them. I remember him saying once he swore that they were attracted to it that he could see them changing directions so they could hit our windshield. Chains; loops looped together. Good for walking dogs, especially those really big ones that are just pure muscle. Also good for making things secure except for big gorillas. Who always manage to find the weakest link. So I am sure silhouette could expand my knowledge on both of those.

But we just sat there in silence, the only thing that could be heard was the crickets that only come with bad jokes or when it is really quiet and it was since, Well I was noming. It was a really good burger, two thumbs up. I would recommend the place of course I would leave a comment too.

'Mouth watering burger, at least a handful of napkins to prevent the floor from getting really wet. The fries suprisingly didn't taste like meat, which is a good thing. The only thing I would say that took a star away from the experience was all of the sea life that walked trying to puncture me with holes. If that could be worked on, I would give the star back. It keeps jabbing me in the butt since I keep it in my back pocket.'


Back and forth we went doing the hamburger dance. Up nom down chew up nom down chew and on and on. My burger quickly disappearing as silhouettes stayed the same. One bite and that was it.

When I finished, I patted my mouth with a napkin and placed it in the tray. I tried to start a conversation by saying it looked like it had something in its teeth. "You know I think you have a pickle stuck or something," I said with a smile as I pointed to my teeth, "right here."

Silhouette did pause for that and it sort of turned its attention to me. Sort of, no head splittings though which is good. It was more like an 'oh really' look. For a brief moment I thought I saw something shifting on silhouette's general face area. Now I will be able to see a mouth, I silently cheered but no, nothing no mouth just darkness. Well voidness.

"Honest monkey, it might be like a whole pickle really," I point to the same general location. Hopefully it was close enough so Silhouette didn't  think I was trying to deceive him. No 'you got something in your teeth and yoink goes your wallet' trick. Not that I would take silhouette's wallet, even if I could find it I would probably end up with his keys or something. Accidentally press the button on the keys and set the alarm off on his rock. Not a thief or a pick pocket, I am me. *proudly pose with dramatic lighting behind me and maybe a bald eagle calling out.*

Something blinked I think on what I think is silhouette's face. Not sure what it was, eyes maybe. Man this was rough, talking about a man of few words, not a peep. Any fewer words and silhouette would be taking mine and I liked mine.

"Could you please say something. I know you are evil and voidish, but all evil Villains  do a monologue. I am pretty sure it says it in the rules somewhere and if those are broken, chaos soon arrives and I am pretty sure you don't want that. Chaos is so chaotic." I pause and pick up a French fry, twirling it between my fingers like a little baton. Didn't know I could do that.

"Do you really want chaos to come. I heard it isn't too clean, drinks from milk container and leaves the seat up. Which isn't nice to find out in the middle of night. Cold water on the bottom wakes you up like that," snap fingers, "thrn try getting out of the bowl when your bottom is stuck in it. Just flailing arms and legs." I avert my eyes to the side and get quiet, "Why did my brother have to Leave it up? Couldn't get out and fell asleep. So embarrassing..."

*****

I grumbled and steamed for a moment as I remembered being stuck and then being found in the morning. So embarrassing.... I had ring around the butt for days and it was summer! I couldn't wear a bathing suit or shorts for days and it was hot!  Grumble. The only way I could go swimming was wear one of my great grandmothers' bathing suits, one that covered me from elbow to ankle.  Grumble. I don't mind retro, it is in, but that was older than retro. Then when I came out of the lake I had fish inside my suit and I looked like a water balloon. Grumble. Took me forever to catch the fish too and they called me 'Water Balloon' and threatened to pop me. Grumble. Stupid brother leaving the seat up. Grumble. I even yelled and screamed, but no one woke up! It was like there was a cone of silence around the bathroom, no sounds getting out or anything. Which is good most of the time but still, I was stuck and I got ring around the butt. Grumble.

"Listen," I started to say, "you don't want that. I am talking from experience. If chaos comes and leaves the seat up and you butt slips in. It is going to be embarrassing, no one will take you seriously when you say you are evil. They will just point at the ring around the butt and giggle. You will have to wear some big piece of clothing like a moo moo to cover the ring up and then you will get a nickname that will haunt you, like hmmm..... Bovid animal of the apocalypse or the technicolor tree of doom!"

I pause and take a breath, "So unless you want to find half drunk milk containers  which will lead to funny looking milk mustaches, ring around the butt or find yourself knee deep in dust bunnies with sharp teeth, you need to monologue." Sitting there I thought I explained it good enough, showed silhouette of what could happen if it didn't monologue, but there we sat. No words spoken, just silence and that was pointed out by the silence cricket chirping.

Nonchalantly I look around trying to find it. CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP. I  can hear it but not see it. It only chirps when it is quiet and as soon as I get up it goes quiet. Shy little thing. CHIRP CHIRP! There it is, ah nope, just a straw wrapper. CHIRP! Nope, that might have been an echo of one of the other chirps. I turn back to silhouette and jerk back around when I think I hear another chirp but see nothing.

"Okay...." I start to say as I turn back to silhouette, "monologue or chaos?" Again words would be nice, but silhouette raised a hand and pointed. Quickly I turned expecting to see something, again nothing. I know what it is doing, evading the question and it will be give when I turn back around.

"There was no...." I started to say as I turned back around and was greeted by a finger only a little but away. "Oh, hey personal space," i said pulling my head back a little. Please don't let the finger start to glow, it was cute on the alien but I don't think it will be as cute with the nails or sharp pointy things that I think I am seeing. Suddenly the finger lunged forward, attacking me like fingers do and I opened my mouth to do something.

BOINK!

((What better place to end this section than a BOINK?))

[Catherine]

*Reverse all engines full. Repeat reverse all engines full. Evasive actions*

The imaginary warning came too late and my forehead was boinked and boinked hard and a little soft. It sort of squished, not my head but the thing that boinked me. So hoping it was a finger and not a tentacle or a proboscis. I got boinked with one of those once, snotty and my head got stuck and many tissues lost their lives that day. Not sure why no one didn't warn me about the proboscis, ok what they did was point for like a second and then run. I looked up to see what everyone was pointing at and boink. Monkey in the Valley of boogers. They came at me with spears. Screaming and yelling in boogernesse, their words falling on deaf years of one who uses tissues. Back to the current boink.

BOINK!

Suddenly the world got dark, like dark. There was no lights and I even looked around for the light switch. I thought I saw one but it was some type of crustacean sucking on to the wall and I wasn't about to touch that. Not even with a ten foot pole, because I would have felt bad for the pole. I pulled myself up onto the chair and did the twenty second three hundred and sixty degree tour of the place. The gloom and doom theme  was really apparent with all the smoke and destruction all over. Buildings burned down or in the process of burning, which is kind of interesting how they pulled that off with rocks. All type of sea and some other type of life strolling about like they owned the place or were in the middle of moving in.

Although I am not sure about the giant jellyfish floating in the sky. It reminds me of a song from a band, I think named after bugs or something. A little overboard on that part if you ask me, jellyfish in the sky phpt, it doesn't sell me on the whole idea. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches maybe, since they can get stuck on the roof of your mouth. Then you have to try and lick the peanut butter free with your tongue before you do anything else. People couldn't talk right and be denied eating because of the food getting stuck to the roof of their mouth. Ingenious!

It was amazing how much was put into this boinking the special effects were amazing and they spent more on the 3D that you didn't have to wear the glasses for too. Must have costed it a fortune. But again it is special effects and there has to be a...

All words stopped, so did thought, when my eyes fell on silhouette. One second I was in the chair and the other second I was on the other side of it. Peeking over at the not silhouette silhouette.  Okay now I knew where the whole bat wings and tentacle thing came from, right over there. On the other side of the table. Let me see if I can find the words to describe if, hmmm...... Ick with a side of ick that is supersized and has extra ick. Sitting across the table was a something that only  a mother could love, I think. Not really sure though, really not sure.

I would have taken photos and ask random mothers, but I thought it might be better not to do that.

"Hello Miss, it looks like you are pregnant. Would you mind looking at this photo and telling me if it is a face that only you would love?"

"Eeeeekkkkkkk!!!!!!!" and faint.

I kneeled there, looking over there *mental point* for a moment and quite a few moments. I know it is rude to stare but it isn't every day that well that is doing something across the table from you. I would say look at it but it is best to keep it off screen and save your sanity. *shiver*

"Okay, " I said with a laugh, not one that says I am going insane though. "This is all cool and everything, especially that thing over there," I pause for a moment to point at something, something over there. It looks sort of cool in a sea and some other life sort a way. "But... You forgot to read the sign on the door didn't you?"

The silhouette no silhouette sort of thing started to turn, "Wait I don't want you to get your tentacles in a bunch." I clear my throat, which made me cough in the boink acrid air. "No things associated with or including the apocalypse is allowed on the premises.  If it includes anything dealing with the end times, we ask you to keep it in your car or if you walked here, tied to a post on the far side of the parking lot. We have supplied ample shade and other items to keep your apocolaypse safe and entertained while you are enjoying our burgers. Oh yeah, no shirt no shoes no service."

"So......" I said looking back to the silhouette no silhouette giving it a kind smile, "if you want all of this." I pause to circle a finger, "We will have to go outside." For a moment, silhouette no silhouette just sat there, tentacles dong what tentacles do and bat wings with creepy little hands doing what they do best. Then....

DEBOINK!

We are back and silhouette is back to silhouette as he pushed away from the table and starts to head towards them door.

Oh Pooh... He called my bluff. 


*****


Heading out towards the door I tried to think of something. I mean an apocalypse isn't what I was looking forward to really. Knowing that a couple steps out the door and boom bang and WOOSH! There could be fire and brimstone all over and that kind of stuff is hard to get out of the hair and it stains the clothes.

The door dings and my brain kicks in to higher get, "hey you know the rule. No starting the apocalypse thirty minutes after eating. You will get cramps and you really don't want that do you. You would have to sit out while everything goes blah. Your eyes would get all teary since everything would be happening around you and all you can do is sit."

*mental fingers crossed*

Silhouette pauses for a moment considering what I just said, it is compelling in a believable sort of way.    They say it about swimming so hey why not the apocalypse, that would take more out of you. What with all of the screaming and everything. Then all of the complaint cards coming in because it is either too hot, too much fire and not enough brimstone, the weird creatures are freaking them out and any number of things, like that thing over there.

That and it isn't like going to an amusement park, except for that one in that one place. Why they built it no one knows but they did. Silhouette has to consider that No one is ever happy during the apocalypse  type events. Like I said they aren't amusement parks, no rides or overpriced food vendors. No you must be this tall to get chased and nomed by hell beasts or take a laser to the face signs. No dancing figures in costumes singing happy songs. Really it is just apocalyptic.  Dreary and blah in a flaming poof everything is screaming sort of way.

Silhouette just stood there actually considering my words. "It is life changing you know. Once you start apocalypsing you can't go back. People will look at you funny." I chime in, just to be friendly really. Silhouette turned its head I think and I think looked at me.

*imaginary yes fist pump.*

I have him/she/it thinking, time for the whammo! Clear throat and "That and the apocalypse doesn't have cookies. That is an important thing when you are knee deep in an acid pit, how good the chocolate chip cookies are."  I nod to help stress the importance of cookies once, twice and it would become unbelievable.

Silhouette turned then turned back and then turned and sort of turned back. It shrugged, pushed the door open and walked out. I thought I had it, where did I go wrong? Was it the number of chips in the chocolate chip cookies? That is important and everything.

"Fine...." I sighed, "Let's get this apocalypse thing done. It doesn't sound fun though."

((Well it has come to this... Well not this but what is to come so I guess it has come to that. You know this but future this.))

[Catherine]

DING!

"Yes I know," I say as I walk pass the door. The ding sounded like it was saying, "You know you are walking to an apocalypse right?"

DING!

I pause and shrug, "Not sure what I am going to do. Play it by ear I think."

DING!

"Yes, I think it is a good idea and my tail is watching out for me too." I answer pointing back to my tail.

DINiG!

"Thank you, I am attached to it. We have been through a lot, haven't we?" My tail swings in front of my and nods. With a little smile I reach up and gently pet it and if it was a cat, which it isn't, it would purr.

DING!

"Yeah I know, not everyday you see a girl with a monkey  tail. Especially for you. I would think more fish scales and gills."

DING!

"Yeah, I never thought about that. It would kind a smell in here, make everything smell fishy."

DING!

I laugh for a moment before I say anything, it is hard to laugh and talk at the same time. "Yeah, you would think they would figure that out. I have to ask, have you seen any mermaids?"

DING!

"Really? Huh, I would have imagined they are more vegetarians than anything. Never thought they would enjoy a burger. How do they get...."

DING!

"Ah, okay and that makes sense now. Quite ingenuous really."

DING!

"Yeah, it didn't look to good did it." I answer the ding, motioning towards silhouette with a gentle head move.

DING!

"Well I can't do that to it. It isn't a door so that is hard to do.

DING!

I laugh again, "Well I don't think it would let me do that to it. I can imagine it though, standing there as I try to install a pet door onto it. Then testing if with a foot since it would be kind of strange to try and crawl through it." I bring a hand up and imitate the flap swinging back and forth..

DING!

"No! I don't think it would let me put a doorbell on its forehead either."

DING!

"Yeah I know what apocalypse means but hey you know the old saying, when in doubt send in a monkey girl. I think that is how it goes," I look over to silhouette and see it doing the I am waiting thing, "got to go."

DING!

"Thank you, I will do my best. Oh and I am called Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me Monkey. You know for the tail."

DING!

Gently I shake the door like I am shaking someone's hand on the horizontal plane. "It is a pleasure to me you Paul. If I can I will swing by and say bye before I leave."

DING!

"I know, a little door humor. See you later Paul." I say as I step outside, the door slowly closing behind me.

DING!

There are no words I can say back to Paul. He wouldn't hear them anyways since he is closed, so I smile and give him the one handed thumbs up as I walk away.

"Let's do this...."

((Will leave it for the DINGs for now. I mean dings can be posted later but your daily need for dings have been fulfilled.))

[Catherine]

Silhouette walks to about half way into the parking lot and stops, looking at Rachel I can see her hands going to her head. Quickly I ru over to her, doing the one finger hold the apocalypse power hand sign to silhouette, to make sure that her head wasn't about to blow off. I don't think she would like it since it is pretty final and a little messy. It redefines the whole 'this headache is killing me' thing in a boom and splat sort of way.

"See I told you," I said slipping the glasses off of me and onto Rachel. She didn't need to have a headache of magnitude level twelve. Which by the pamphlets I have seen says it feels like something like a rhinoceros jumping up and down on your head while singing 'Mary had a little lamb' in French backwards and it does feel like that. I wouldn't want anyone else to experience it, take a migraine and multiply it times like a billion and you got it. It is an ow that it really big. No bigger than that, I mean like Saturn big. "This should help with the headache," 

I adjust it a little making sure the ear arms are firmly behind Rachel's ears and the nose piece is on her nose, to the best of my ability of course. If I had some duct tape it would help more, I could just wrap the whole roll around Rachel's head and the glasses would never slip off ever. Never ever again. She would ask at first and then start to struggle but the sound of the duct tape coming off the roll is calming. Think of the song of a siren, calling sailors to their doom. Duct take is like that but less rocks and no doom.

Of course once I pulled out the roll Rachel would ask me what it is for and I would tell her. Nothing to hide all I want to do is make sure the glasses don't slip off and her head to explode and duct tape would prevent both. There would be a lot of no and no and no, the no getting bigger and louder with each no. Probably a lot of threats too. "Fine.... But you can only blame yourself if your head blows up, " I would say as I dropped the duct tape and it quaked rolling away.

Not that I would do that, I know how much it would hurt when you remove duct tape from a person. Still have nightmares, you see it was a challenge and I didn't think it would hurt that much. I still have flashbacks and jump whenever someone sneaks up to me and makes the duct tape quack. So I know to use some type of cooking spray or oil to keep the tape from sticking. Liberally apply before wrapping with duct tape, a little messy but a lot less ow and I am sure that wouldn't be allowable.

"Listen, I can't duct tape the glasses to your head and don't say otherwise. I have ran the situation over and over in my head and hey all end up one way, me hurt! I don't want that, so take your pointer finger and apply the proper amount of pressure to the nose bridge and run."

"But..." Rachel said as she applied the proper amount of pressure to the glasses that slowly slide down her nose.

"No get out of here. The glasses might fall off in the middle of a hiyah and boom goes your head. I don't want that so run."

Again Rachel applied the proper amount of pressure, "but, I can help."

I nodded my head and my tail echoed the nod, "You can probably, but I dont want to risk the whole brain splat thing, it is a little messy. So take off, but leave the banana milkshake please." Before the but echo happened again, I turned Rachel around and carefully removed my shake from her hand. It still felt full, which was a good sign. "Go before a bat claw gives you a wedgie and you have to live with that memory the rest of your life. Now go, what is the worse that can happen." I could sense Rachel about to open her and give me a list of items that would take days to read off, before the list could start I shushed her. "Before you can list the list, I already know the mights and I am hoping to keep those in that column. Some of them sound well ick so take off and we will meet up later and you can't tell me that story that you haven't told me yet."

Rachel started to turn her head which looked funny with the big glasses, "which story?"


"That one, " I said with a smile.

Rachel's head started to shake, maybe the wind caught the glasses. "That doesn't make any sense."

"It will later. Now get going."

"Fine you little brat." Rachel said as she started to walk away.

"I am the same size as you ," I sing out as I gently place the banana milkshake down. "Time to face talon and tentacle," I whisper to myself, slowly I start to stand and....

SLURP!

Now I am ready.


******

I turn and look at silhouette expecting the headache to end all headaches. There is nothing though, which is good. It is kind of hard stopping the apocalypse if you are missing your head, it makes it hard to see where you are going for one thing. There are other things too, another is it is just plain messy and it isn't good to have a messy apocalypse. People talk afterwards. I test the waters, don't want to think one thing and find my thinking is wrong with a boom and splat, taking a couple steps closer towards silhouette. Eyes closed just a little bit, don't want to get brain bits in them. Nothing so far.

*mental forehead wipe and snap of hand to get the mental sweat off of it*

Maybe it is my determination keeping the whole head go boom thing from happening. I would prefer it not to happen and I am pretty sure if I asked some people they would agree.

"Hello, Would you mind answering a few questions? It will only take a minute of your time." Click pen and smile, need to smile  and look friendly. People don't answer when you look angry or growling at them. "Why thank you. First question and it is a yes or no question. Would you want the apocalypse to occur." Look up and smile, waiting for an answer. "Interesting, let me write that down. Of course your answer eliminates most of the other questions. If the apocalypse was inevitable would you prefer it coming in a big ball of cottonballs, which is called the 'The fluffing' or surrounded by puppies, which is called 'The piddling' or there is other." Smile snd click pen. "Oh wow, that is an interesting one. Never thought of that." Scribble notes and smile. "Thank you for taking a moment to answer my questions. If you would like to see how others answered you can visit the website on the card and it also is a coupon for a free sundae." Smile and hand over coupon card, pointing at the website address and flipping over the card to show the coupon.

"Listen, I think I have come up with an idea that will make everyone happy." I say reaching into my bag and pulling out a yelled crayon, the color of boundary and other things. It is bright and almost glowing, buzzing neon burn your eyes out yellow I think. I crouch down and start drawing on the ground as I slowly move around silhouette. Making sure my line is even and clearly visible. "I think this will be really good," I say cheerfully as I continue to draw, "and I am surprised I even came up with it."

I get fancy at the end when the line meets the other side of the line and add a small little drawing of a monkey waving. With a nod, I stand up and look at what I have created. A perfect circle which was tricky at some moments, but my tongue poked out just a little and my tail gave me some pointers so over all it turned out like a circle, for a moment or two I thought I would end up with a many sided thing and that would have defeated the whole purpose of drawing a circle.

"Okay this looks complicated but it really isn't. You can have your apocalypse inside the circle," I start to say pointing at the circle, "while the rest of us continue to enjoy the non apocalypse. So please keep all fire, brimstone and anything else apocalyptic inside the circle and we should be good."

The crayon spins around my finger before I slip it back into my bag, "You see, you get what you want and we can stay on our apocalypse free diet. So winners all around." I say as I shoot silhouette the thumbs up.

For minutes we stand there, a pigeon slowly flying above us looking at was going on below, staring at each other and nothing else.

It is possible to avert the apocalypse if you put your mind and a yellow crayon to it, thank monkey I didn't try the purple one.

Apocalypse averted. Yay!!!

((WOW easier than I thought....))

[Catherine]

Something flopped to the ground. Not sure what it was though; a foot, a tentacle or something that I really didn't want to know what it was. With a SMACK the apocolypse was started over again.

"Stop that," I said, turning around to see silhouette rubbing away the yellow line with something.  I pointed to make sure that silhouette understood what I was meaning by 'that.' But it continued rubbing with whatever it was rubbing with, if it was a foot silhouette really had big feet or one really big one.

"Listen that yellow mark is for the benefit of both of us," I tried to explain, "everyone gets what they want, you and the apocalypse and everyone else is peace and we can live together. Not singing in harmony though, that would be weird." But silhouette continued, "Oh come on..."

Quickly I pulled out the yellow crayon, checking that it was the right color before trying to fix the circle. Some people just don't appreciate a perfectly, well almost perfectly drawn circle. They are hard to draw, sometimes they are a little squished or angular and this one had a little monkey too.  I should have taken a photo when I got done drawing it and sent it to people.

'Look at this! An almost perfect circle.'

'Ow wow.....'

'Look a little monkey waving too!'

'It doesn't look like a monkey. Looks like an [insert random animal or thing that isn't a monkey here] instead.'

'It looks like a monkey! Big ears, tail and cute. See...'

'You need to practice.'

'

'

"Will you please stop?" I asked as I corrected the circle again.'I am running out of yellow and you really don't want me to go fluorescent. That says a lot of things while glowing and I really don't want to say the wrong thing."  Silhouette answered me with a wet smack of whatever it was using and a slow draw back, rubbing the line away again.

With a stamp of a foot, I stand "You have no appreciation for circles do you?" I got the urge to throw what was left of the yellow crayon at silhouette's chest just to show it that it should appreciate a circle, but I let it spin around my finger before slipping it back into my bag. I am not a crayon tosser.

I got no answer from silhouette, well no worded one at least, just another wet smack and slow wipe away. Whatever it was using was getting to be really dirty and covered in yellow crayon especially if silhouette wiped away the entire circle.

SMACK and draw back. Continued over and over and as the last of the circle disappeared I felt a tear forming and then run down my cheek, "Bye bye little yellow circle."

A growl slowly formed like growls do, right in my chest. "That was uncalled for. The circle didn't do anything to you and look what you did. You could have easily just stepped over it and let it live in yellow circle peace." I would say, I was hissing and spitting but that isn't cute and is against rule number seventy two of being cute.

'The cute do not hiss and spit as simple as that. Neither action falls into the cute definition. One is made by snakes, which aren't  cute and the other is done by those one dinosaurs that spit in the face and that isn't cute. "Hey there." Sound of spit and wet splat. "What was that for?!?!" You see not cute.'

So I sat there fuming adorably, trying to think of something. I could lay a hula hoop down, no way that can be rubbed out but it could be lifted. Could engrave a circle into the ground, not sure if I could handle the jack hammer though and I wouldn't be happy if the circle didn't come out just right. That and who knows if I could handle the jack hammer, It could end up like It did the last time. I admit it got out of control and well things happened but the statue looked better without the arms to be honest. They were really out of proportion and everything. Not my fault. *dismissive wave* Someone just sat it there and well.... Not my fault. How would I have known it was going to be like riding a bull?

Birds cautiously flew overhead, not making a tweet. They could sense what was coming and wanted to see what everything looked like before. At the moment though, all they got was humphs and stares.

Maybe if I Humphed enough, silhouette would just get bored and just forget about ending everything..

HUMPH!

*****

Maybe..,. Just maybe humphing worked.

HUMPH!

Silhouette is crumbling under the power of the humph, I think. I haven't been gift wrapped in tentacles yet and there is no little bat hands in my hair yet either. I will do the imaginary swipe of the finger down in the manner of point for me on both of those.

HUMPH!

Who would of thought that a humph was a the source of evil greatest weakness. Usually it is a sword that you have to poke in it over and over, a book with strange 'writing' in it that somehow you can read or some glowing necklace charm which if it runs out of power, all you are waving around is some little piece of metal which the creature might put it somewhere of ow on you.

Oh and I forgot, there is the whole sacrificing of a small animal or virginia ham thing too. Not sure why you would sacrifice a small animal if you can just go to the store and get a piece of Virginia ham.

"Back great beast of evil with flames and stuff. I sacrifice this sandwich made of Virginia ham with a piece of lettuce and a squirt  of yellow mustard to my tummy! Back to where you came from and don't leave a forwarding address. Nom nom nom. Hey this is pretty good, back with you!"

Wait, what? What did you say tail? It isn't a Virginia ham it is a what? Oh my monkey, why would someone even do that? Who even thought of that?

"Hey we see that evil is pushed back with the blood of this...what is it again? South Norwegian partially bald albino gerbil, but let's try a pure innocent woman too. She will only scream and shout. She will understand."

HUMPH!

It is working, silhouette is questioning the whole apocolypse thing I just know it. No blood of small animals or virgins will need to be spilled. Which is good since blood stains everything and is really hard to clean up. That and it would be hard to explain, the whole 'this is just ketchup' excuse doesn't work.

HUMPH!

Another few a the apocalypse will be averted with a humph!

HUMPH!

Silhouette is weakening, I can feel it.

HUMPH!

He is hiding it pretty good but I can tell. Time to finish off the apocalypse.

HUM.... ERGH! That didn't sound right. Let me try it again.

HU..ERGH! One more time.

ERGH!

((Ending with a sound effect, nail bitting))

[Catherine]

What the?!? How the?!?! I look down and find myself wrapped in something. That is the only way I can describe it. Not really a tentacle, I think and it definitely isn't a foot i hope. Both would be ick and being grabbed by a foot is double ick.

If it is a foot, where has it been? Think about it. It is just gross because there was no way silhouette had shoes on and took them off that fast. Then the toe lint, which would make me sneeze when it tickled my nose. What is toe lint even? Where does it come from? Why does it only live between toes, that is a strange habitat to live in and is it related to belly button lint? I don't want to even think about hang nails.

I struggle and struggle, in the back of my head secretly wishing if this a foot that silhouette trimmed its nails and if it is a tentacle, where were the little suckers. I haven't heard any popping sounds yet of any and all tentacles have them. Well the ones with suckers do at least.

Slowly I am lifted off the ground and if this is a foot, I will hand it to silhouette for having a really good balance. Maybe it should consider going into gymnastics or something similar. I think it would do pretty good, the only thing is if it is pressured into taking part in the olympics. Everyone there or watching would be having splitting headaches and holding their heads trying to keep them from exploding. Not even sure how the judges would judge.

'And next we have Silhouette from a little place of fire, brimstone and people screaming. It does the hand thing we think, telling us it is ready and argh...' BOOM and SPLAT!

"I didn't say go." I grunt as I try to work myself free. One hand followed by arm popping free, I am hopping the popping was caused by popping free and not just popping free of my shoulder. My hand waves at me and that is a good sign, if it was flipping about then I would be worried. I wrap my hand Arians whatever and start to push, kicking with my feet as much as possible.

For whatever it is, it definitely had a grip and a half. "Come on...." I grunted, "Come on..." I switch my kicking from just a leisurely kick trying to get away from the shark to a frantic get me out this whatever it is, I don't want to whatever hugged this much! Ergh!

If I kick hard enough maybe I will take off like a rocket, I tell myself as I kick so hard, my legs begin to blur and I can feel silhouette's whatever start to rock. That would be so odd if I kicked hard enough that we both start hovering off the ground, like a monkeycopter. That would surprise silhouette and it wouldn't respond like it has already with, 'Don't let go of me! I don't want to fall!' I would be like 'Stop hugging me with your whatever, we are only a couple inches off the ground!' What does silhouette expect? Little me to kick so hard to lift us both hundreds of feet off the ground? *dismissive wave*

Still no additional popping occurs just me slowly dragging silhouette a couple inches and that is about it. I could try reversing my kick and maybe dig into the ground but that would hurt I think and I am not a stake and I am not built to live underground. You see my skin likes the sun. It makes me feel good, just sitting there enjoying the warmth, I just want to curl up and take a napzzzzzz. Huh...What? What am I doing? His isn't a warm summer day!

I shake my head and do something I will regret later when I am cleaning my mouth out. I bite the whatever like a monkey on a banana, just this banana didn't taste that good at all, ick. Just too stress the seriousness of the bite I let out a growl, a cute one this time.

Growl..... *something that doesn't taste like a banana teeth massage*

*****

You have a cute and adorable monkey girl teeth massaging your [insert name of whatever it is here. Possible choices are; hand, finger, tentacle and ew foot] at the moment what do you do? Quick you have five seconds to answer. Tick tick tick, let me help with a cute growl that happens during the teeth massaging of whatever. Tick and tick. Ring!!!! Time is up and what is your answer?

Did you answer, You will shake your whatever and try to get the cute and adorable monkey girl off while she is adorably growling? If you did, here is a banana milkshake. Wait a second that is mine. So um..... I will give you a.... The sound of rooting through pockets fills the air as I look for a super awesome award. Ah here you go, let me just and just and just. You get this *place something in your hand* for answering correctly. It is one of a kind, personalized for you. So you will never see that anywhere else but on your mantel, which you can place it on if you like.

Also if you answered that you guessed that is what silhouette would do too!

I hang on with my teeth, letting silhouette feel the full power of a tooth massage. He needs to learn what it did was wrong and that it should have tapped me on the shoulder or something to let me know our little thing was starting. Some evil things just need to learn that they can't just do as they want, especially if that thing is whatever hugging the cute and adorable. We have to be handled a certain way and there are instructions too, I have the pamphlet right here and please look at number eight. *mentally pointing at number eight*

8. You must give the cute and adorable an allotted amount of time, which you must ask the cute and adorable, before picking/lifting/wrapping them with anything/something. If the allotted amount of time isn't followed they are allowed to teeth massage you, as long as they growl adorably. 

So silhouette shook it's whatever and I could feel its grip starting to loosen. It didn't like the tooth massage at all. GROWL. Other arm free. CONTINUED GROW.  Chest and tummy. MORE CONTINUED GROWL. Legs and freedom!

In less than a blink I spring  free and do like a flip and a twist before three point landing. TAHDAH! Hands go up and out for the judges and shoot they are asleep, except for the one judge who again judges me low. Boooooo.......

I could reach into by bag and bring out the staff of whapping but I wan restored one more thing before that. It is best to use words and be diplomatic first before reaching for  something to beat the other about the head with as you say 'no' over and over.

"I know you got all excited with thoughts of ending the world and everything, See where that got you. Taking up whatevers isn't always the best thing to do. So I got something better, I hear it has been done countless times in the past to settle things."

I swing one hand up, Palm side up as I ball the other into a first. "It is an ancient way of diplomacy, long forgotten I think but still practiced. In short, it is called RPS and I. The long, it is a called Rock Paper Scissors. I think it should help settle things at the moment and additional rules will be broken, also no monkey girls."

Again everything goes quiet and then slowly silhouette swings up one something and then the other something.

"On one, " I said as I swung my balled fist up and silhouette did the same.

"Three!" Fists go down and back up.

"Two!" Fists down and then return to their upright position.

"And one!"

((It is the final countdown, sung in tune of course because auto-tuning is blah and I have a lovely voice la la la. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

"Paper beats..." I start to say and stop, trying to figure out what silhouette threw out. It looks like paper, but it could be rock and even scissors. "Um...." I look back up to silhouette's face I think and back down its whatever. Need to make a call on this or the apocalypse will be constantly hovering over everyone's shoulders and that is sort of a downer.

'Hey friend it looks like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Care to talk?'

'Actually it is the apocalypse on my shoulders and it refuses to sit just right. '

'Well if it is the apocalypse and now that I look at it I can tell it is, you can just keep walking, we don't need that stuff around here.  Still recovering from the one what came through a while back. That was a nasty one, blew up out of no where and took out the McGilley's outhouse. Took us a week to clean that up and everything that blew in with that apocalypse.'

So a call needs to be made. With my other hand I pull out the boyscout manual and place it on the ground, maybe it will help like it has every other time. With the sign of the paper still being held by one hand, I start to flip through the book. "Give me a moment," I tell silhouette as pages do the pages flipping thing.

FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. How to identify the color blue. It is right over there and there and there, so that is useless. FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. Does the lights stay on in the fridge when the door is closed. We have the answer. Quickly I scan the page. All of their data verifies their findings, so it must be true. FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. How to identify RPS on somethings. It isn't as hard as you thought. Got it! Hmm okay this is interesting.

I look up at silhouette's something and the hand sign it threw and back down at the charts and instructions. There are some measurements that can be taken to identify the hand sign faster but.... I am not sure where the something has been or is so no measurements. It sort of looks like... Book goes to a position where the photos can be compared. Hmm.... It would be so much easier if silhouette had fingers, a palm even. Let's see.. Hmm..... If it's sucker was positioned here, wait a moment there isn't any suckers that I can see. Okay now if the something is sort of shaped like a flattened slug and it is sort of shaped like well that, then it means that it is a....

I compare the photo that I think is close, taking out an imaginary magnify glass and an electron microscope to double make sure. I think I got it, there is an electron out of place but sometimes they just let their bonds go and stuff. So it is a, well poo.

Slowly I close the book and slip it back into my bag. "Okay, well it looks like we both threw paper. I should have told you what I was going to throw so you wouldn't throw the same thing. You see it would have been nice if you threw a rock, if you did, all of this would have been taken care of now and we could have sat down enjoyed the weather but nope. Two papers don't make for a peaceful afternoon." I say nodding my head, "They do make for a cool paper airplane though."

Without taking my eyes off of silhouette I take a step back, the only other thing I can think of is to play an extreme round of tiddly winks. Those do get pretty extreme and what I have seen of the village it would be interesting. It's worth a try.

"Care for a round of extreme tiddly winks?"

((Extreme tiddly winks? Find out next time...))

[Catherine]

I flip backwards when Silhouette answers me with a sewer lid. Which isn't the way you  play tiddly winks. Not at all. It is usually played with little plastic things not huge metal discs that would cause big OW! Yes the plastic thing would hurt but not on the same level, not even close. One is 'Hey, that hurt stop it' while the other is 'OW! OW! OW!' It simply wouldn't be permitted in competitive tiddly wink play, not even of the extreme type.

It all happened In a blink of an eye, Silhouette reaching for a sewer lid with one of its somethings and WHOOSH! Sent it flying, no hurdling right towards me. EEP! Think little monkey girl, think!

'You don't want to taste metal which is coming at you at extreme speed do you?'

'No I don't,' I answer back in my head. Not sure who asked me if I wanted to taste metal though. I run through the things I could do in my head. I could drop and do the splits, but I might take the sewer lid to the face if I don't get down far enough. Yes it looks like a lollipop but that doesn't mean I want to suck on it. Move to either side, but it it has a nasty curve to it so I could possibly still taste the metal either from the front or the the indirect approach of from the back of the head. So a big no on those too. So...

Time slows down as the disc slices through the air towards me. Silently I hope that gravity will be my friend for the next few moments as I spring up and back. I get the feeling of a thumbs up as I reach the top of the arc and I look down to see my tail swinging up and out of the way of the disc currently in the 'I was so close in hitting you, can't you like come down just a little?' position.

*slow motion wow*

For a moment time freezes and I get the urge to flip around and stand on the sewer lid as it just floats there in the air. In the back of my head I know better though. Once I flip around and try to stand on the disc, it won't be there and I will look like an idiot as I wave my arms in the air trying to keep myself from falling to the ground. It would be fun to see the look on silhouette's um face when I did it. Maybe I should.... No no, rule number fifty three of the cute and adorable says I shouldn't.

*clear throat* Rule fifty three goes, the cute and adorable shall not try to stand on metal discs that are hovering in mid air due to a temporary freeze in time. It might be tempting but the disc is just teasing you, once you try to stand on it, it will disappear. Then you will fall and your face will turn red as you go Umph!

See its a rule and I have had my daily requirement of umphs today. Need to watch my Umph intake I think, before I have that one bad Umph that turns me off of umphs. I do well.. I do so in around and pull out a crayon, a purple. The color of grapes and draw a little monkey waving on the sewer lid. It is a small one and not too fancy so it only takes a moment and hey it looks cute. As I finish, the sewer lid takes off like a sewer lid thrown with a something. CRACKABOOM!

The air is rattled when the lid hits a building, knocking me from my arc. I don't even bother checking what the judges will score me this time, since well no three point landing and I think that one judge is out to get me. Don't look surprised, you have been scoring me low every time.

*imaginary two fingers to eyes and then at nonexistent judge so he knows I know I am watching him*

Quickly I push myself up and stand, wiping the dust off myself as I do. "I said extreme  tiddly winks not sewer lids. I think there is a difference. Extreme tiddly  winks we would have shot them from there to there, " I say pointing from one random location to another, "not at me! That is like.... Death match tiddly winks, which I am pretty sure the tiddly wink people wouldn't appreciate. Bad publicity and just think of the warning label on them. This item contains small parts that might hit you at extreme speeds and make you hurt really bad. Please wear protective gear which can be found on our website www.tiddlywinksthathurtalot.com."

I take a step a step back as I reach into my bag for the staff of whapping, "I was hoping we could talk this through but it looks like all you want to do is run me through and rain fire and brimstone or whatever your apocalypse contains. Cotton balls would be nice, there is a lack of apocalyptic cotton balls now a days. So if cotton balls you get a thumb up from me." With a little jerk the staff of whapping extends, revealing the signature running down its side.

"Are you sure...." I start to say as one of silhouette's somethings comes shooting towards me. "I guess i got my answer before the question."


****

Silhouette's something came swinging towards me, still can't identify what the something is yet. Tentacle or something else? The way it is moving and everything, it definitely seems like a tentacle to me.

*throw up the sign of power of timeout*

"Hmm..... " I say as I walk around the something. Poking it here and there. It is squishy and with the way it is moving it has to be a tentacle or something without bones. Well unless the bones are really really small. I didn't bring a x-Ray machine and there isn't an airport nearby as far as I know to run the something through theirs either. Wait let me check to make sure I didn't accidentally pack one. Nope I don't see one in my bag.  I move around to the other side and poke it a couple more times. No sucker action on my finger and thankfully no little fingers or those one things that look like fingers but aren't. *shiver* Tentacles make me shiver but those little sort of finger things are just ick. The thought of getting a massage from those, even just a finger massage is well shiver.

I could lick it and maybe identify what it is. They sort of have different tastes. Feet taste like socks. Hands usually taste like antibacterial soap for some reason. Tentacles well taste tentacly. How can I explain it? I ponder the how for a moment, finger tapping against my lips. Which is a sure sign of deep pondering. Okay.... Take a big piece of rubber and dip it into salt water then some of that stuff over there then rub it on a hairless kitten then just dab it in the gutter and finally add a dash of paprika. If you want you can suck on it but really you just need to lick it to get the tentacle experience.

Go ahead the sign of the time out is still in effect. Blargh right? Yeah how would you describe it? Tentacly right? Yeah that is the best description. Wait what you like the taste of it? Ewww......

I continue my stroll around the something and poke the tip of it. Squishy, definitely squishy. Wet towel wound up and snap on the bare skin squishy. SNAP! For a moment I flash black to that one time when my brother snapped me with a towel at the pool. I jumped & eeped so loud and I had a red welt that was embarrassing. That was years ago and that spot still hurts. SNAP!

What was that? It sounded like a towel! Quickly I flip around trying to find the sound of the snapping that sounded like a wet towel, hands going to where my brother snapped me. Frantically I look around, I am going to have my hands full with silhouette and really don't need to worry about snappage at the same time. SNAP! There it is again! Quickly I zero on the source of the sound, a small crab, I think, trying get to open a small package of butter. I guess it would be hard to open it with pincers cone to think about it. No leverage to get that little flap or anything. Then if it squeezed, the butter would go all over and blind the little crab and it would stumble and fall into boiling pot of water. Yum.... I mean no..... "You are playing with fate there," I yell out to the little crab, "Just letting you know, unless you are trying to get it to put it on bread. It will make you taste yummy."

The little crab stops and gives me a look that only crabs can give, one eye stalk up and the other slightly down with its mandibles open in the 'What the?' position. It clicks a pincer at me before scurrying off with the butter packet in han...pincer. Clicking at me as it does.  I guess it wanted some privacy or something. Well I warned it so if it gets butter all over itself, it is its fault.

I walk back to where I was standing, so it doesn't freak out silhouette and reverse the power sign of time out. In a blink of an eye silhouette's...... I am going to say tentacle comes streaking towards me. Sort of prepared and sort of knowing well naming well guessing what was coming towards me

Staff spins up into a half quarter pipe lock and PCHOW silhouette's tentacle goes grinding up in and into the air above me. Quickly I spin the staff around to the other side so silhouette's tentacle doesn't have to worry about landing. For a moment I swear I hear the sound of cameras going off as the tentacle arcs over me. Did it just do a flying half sugar squirrel? Then it hits my staff and sparks shower down onto me as it grinds all the way down and at the end hops off.

Oof! A little heavier than it look, my arms scream for just a minute. With a WHOOSH, silhouette pulls its tentacle back and just stands there. Was it testing me?

"Again, not telling me when we are starting." I say as I swing the staff behind me, "Didn't your...." I pause and think, did silhouette have parents? I should maybe just skip over that I think. I don't want to open up any old wounds. "Cat...." Yeah that is It. A good catch. "teach you anything?"

I didn't expect an answer to a question with no answer. I didn't know if silhouette had a cat or was even raised by cats. It hasn't coughed up any hair balls at me yet so I am guessing a big no on being raised by cats.

"I guess if you want to make it official. Ding!"

((Now that you sort of know the rules of extreme tiddly winks I would say don’t go outside and play it. People don’t like falling into open sewers. *whisper* There is poo swimming about down there. Ewwwww *stop whisper*. Until next time p. Ding!))

[Catherine]

I sit back in the classical 'I don't want hit' defense position. Arms up like this, one leg like this, the other like this and staff held with both hands in this position. My Hou Quan master showed me various techniques, some using coconuts which I currently don't have at the moment. I should really start packing one or two of those, after a long fight it would be refreshing to drink some coconut water. Phpt..... Okay coconuts don't actually do that but I thought it sounded refreshing so... Phpt.... Glug glug ahhhhh that hits the spot. After a long time if whapping something I like to sit down and have a cold, well luke warm, coconut full of water.

In a blur of motion, tentacles come shooting at me from everywhere. I parry and dodge them. SCHWING! BACHING! SCHWING! One tries to sneak up on me from behind, wearing a set of glasses thinking I wouldn't recognize it but HIYAH! Just in case you wanted to know, I did remove the glasses before hitting the tentacle. I am nit mean.

Suddenly the tentacles erupted upwards and like a tidal started to crash down upon me. I could feel the air pressure building up in front of as it closed in. The best place to be when a wave is crashing down on you I found out was not there, it is better to be way over there. I followed the arch of the wave back and back and continued that back motion with a flip followed by more flips taking me out of the crash zone. I could see the tentacles hitting the ground as I spun in the air with the last flip.

Unlike waves of water, waves of tentacles hit the ground and run. Run after whatever it was going after! As one foot touched the ground I could feel the tips of tentacles lapping at my feet and sprung off to the side and with a fluid motion, swiped at the tentacles with my staff of whapping.

Whoosh went the staff and I was bracing myself, well bracing myself as best as I could in mid air, expecting an impact of some sort. Tentacles have mass and well stuffing. But my staff went through them like butter without out of the squishy stuff of course. What the?

Hanging in mid air, I know defying the laws of gravity but hey rule number thirty two of the cute and adorable.

*clear throat* Rule number thirty two states that the cute and adorable can defy the law of gravity one time per day if the occasion calls for it. Especially if something unexpected just happened and they need a moment.

So I can't hit silhouette? Well that is sort of unfair! I could see movement in the tentacles other than the undulating and from where I was I couldn't tell what... Check that! Tentacle eruption! Quickly I swung my staff in front of me and started to spin it so fast that if I spoke into it, my voice would sound funny, but I didn't have the time for that since I had tentacles shooting in my direction. Eep!

CHING! CHING! CHING and more CHINGS could be heard as one after another tentacle bounced off my spinning staff. "Hey no...." I growled when I spotted a tentacle trying to reach over. BACHOW followed by CHING! CHING! CHING!

Okay now I can touch them?

With a flick of a wrist, I swung the staff out and poked the ground and used the moment of my fall to propel me a little further away. Flip spin and a HIYAH later, I landed pointing towards silhouette. I could see the tentacles writhing like fat snakes as they started to pull back into silhouette. I am not sure where it is hiding them but it is doing a pretty good job. *nod* Can't see a tentacle in sight, impressive. *mental clapping*

"Hey that was fun!" I shouted out, breathing a little hard just a little though. Hey you try chinging non corporeal corporeal tentacles and see if you aren't a little winded. I guess..... I guess..... It showed me it's well tentacles. I should show it mine. Not tentacles ! Not tentacles, thought I should clear that up. I don't have any tentacles, oh my monkey what is that? Oh it is just my tail. Like I said no tentacles!



******


Dramatic WOOSH of the tip of my staff down before running towards silhouette. It responds with tentacles, one after another flying towards me. Tips pointed down in the proper position of ow and more ow.  I wasn't trying to show it how I looked impaled and didn't really the want to see how I looked if I was a marshmallow being roasted over an open fire either. Although that does sound good, yum s'mores. Crunchy and squishy both at the same time. Taunting you with the crunch and teasing you with the squish. I hear some in the world can't build the proper s'more, I think the governments of the world need to really sit down and talk about that. It is a visible problem  and one that could lead to world peace. Think about it, have you ever seen an angry face when a s'more being shoved into the mouth. Nope! *shake head* okay maybe if the marshmallow just came off the fire and it is still on fire, its innards a cauldron of burning marshmallow lava and my theory is....

*clear throat*

The marshmallow lava if dropped on the ground will burn its way through the earth and anything between her and the other here, Abe it mole people or whatever, and surprise the others at the other here. The only thing that will prevent that is the marshmallow lava must touch a tongue. It hasn't been tested and it shouldn't, the earth doesn't need holes in it.

ZIP! Dodge to the right. ZIP! Jump over a tentacle that was going a little low. Really silhouette should see someone about that. There are things they can be fine to help with low tentacles. ZIP! Flip to the left. ZIP! Up and over again followed by a cool slide under a late arriving tentacle. ZIP!

Ah you thought you would trick me by shooting tentacles from the side. You forget I am a three dimensional type of girl. I see there, there, there and even sort of back there but I would have to turn my head more to see that. I jump and start flipping around the tentacle coming from the side. One...two....three and up in the air I go. WHACHAA!

Up I fly, tentacles chasing after me as I go higher and higher. Passing flocks of geese, who by the looks of them are in the middle of migrating. Up I fly into the clouds, less and less tentacles chasing after me. Okay, wow I am going pretty far up! POOSH! I break through the top of the clouds, upsetting a little angel with a silver halo trying to take care of baby clouds. "Ssssssoooooooorrrrrrryyyyyy........." I say as I keep shooting upwards, "that one I think has a leak."

For a moment,  I start to get scared, did I put too much into the spin and dismount. I won't be any good if I reach space. Didn't really pack for that and I heard monkeys and space don't mix.  Closer and closer the inky darkness of space is getting. Where am I going to put my nightlight? I could try to reverse speed, flip around and try to swim the other way, it works in cartoons. That is just silly though, this is real not a cartoon, so it by.... I would say suddenly but it wasn't, I was just lost in the thought of holding my breath, my ascent stopped and I hovered there for a moment. No gravity?

My thought question was answered when gravity tapped me on the shoulder and told me to come back to earth. Of course i couldn't say no and I started falling. WHOOSH! Down I went, away from the darkness and the worry of where I was going to put my night light.

Pass the little angel who was having trouble with an unruly baby cloud. "Ggggggoooooooooooodddddddddd Lllllllllluuuuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkk....." I said as I streaked by. I still don't know why she chose a silver halo and not a gold one. Some Angels. *mentally shaking head since if I actually shook my head, I would steer myself who knows where.*

I could feel the wind pulling at me as continued by rapid descent. Pass the ducks, quack quack. Pretty sure they were different ones, that would odd if they were the same ones. Only doves can dramatically fly slow, not ducks since that would be silly. Doves you can dodge, ducks you can't. Hard to dodge too!  I could see silhouette standing there not even bothering looking up and seeing what was coming towards him at..... I lick a finger and stick it out to judge my speed and through rough calculations come up with really fast. Through half open eyes, should have thought about goggles, I swing the staff back with both hands. Silhouette's tentacles already streaking towards me.

This is going to hurt, I tell myself as the tentacles come up to meet me and I go down to meet them at a very fast pace. A monkey meteor in a way, a cute and adorable one. Fire wiping at me and everything but since I am cute and adorable, rule number six applies.

Rule six of the cute and adorable, if re-entering the atmosphere the cute and adorable will burst in to flames. Since this is dramatic and looks pretty cool, it won't effect them.

I tuck and stretch and swerve and dodge one tentacle after another. At the last second I bring my staff down.

*All new because monkey girls don't fall out of the sky you know, monkey meteor of coolness special attack! *

MEGA KRAKABOOM!

((KRAKABOOM, I mean come on... why shouldn’t I stop with that? Until next time....))

[Catherine]

Dust clouds and small animals wiped all around me due to the force of my hit, I could see the look of awe in their eyes. KRAKABOOM!!!! Lightning crackled, thunder roared and the ground shook. That would have been so cool if those things happened. That would have been so cool... Oh, oh one of those light beams from the skies too! You know the one, the clouds part and whoosh the light beam comes down, lighting up the area like some giant flashlight in the sky. Wait.... Maybe that is how...... I didn't see one up there when I was close to holding my breath though and the batteries would be massive. Like this big but only a lot bigger and I would think someone would know if people were shooting giant batteries into space, what size would they be even? Where would you even get one?

"Hi and welcome to M-mart, how may I help you? Oh you are looking for a mega z battery, those we keep way in the back. Away from the other batteries due to an incident. Someone plugged one into a little flashlight and when they turned it on well, it burned a hole into everything in front of it for and if I remember correctly fifty miles."

But none of that stuff happen other than the dust cloud, which was sort of obscuring and I think I saw a small animal but it was jumping into the air at the moment too. I did hang in the air for a moment, which surprised me. I expected silhouette crumpling to the ground in an instant and my feet touching the ground because of the all new because monkey girls don't fall out of the sky you know, monkey meteor of coolness special attack. If I had to sit down and do some physics,  I would come up with some massive number for how big the hit was, there would have been a lot of decimal points and I would have to redo the calculation thinking it was wrong. Let's see, carry the one add the six multiply by this other number and don't forget this one over here since it looks lonely and take my shoes off to use my toes and move this over there and that up there and add three. Wow! Miss Gagley, my old math teacher, always told me that I wasn't good with math. Hah! Look at this *mental point*, maybe your simple multiplication wasn't challenging enough. *proud pose* I just needed an equation that I could make something up to solve it.

Again nothing mega boom worthy happened, I hung there in the air. *cough* Really good balance *cough* as the dust cleared and saw a what the? That is all I could think when I saw what I saw. I expected impact with silhouette's head, maybe even a tentacle but not what I saw and thanks to the little claw was creeping me out. Ick sense was tingling in a way.

I heard the stories, well story of tentacles and have gotten up close and personal with some of them while keeping my personal zone safe. That one over there is named 'Larry' and him & wife is expecting a baby soon. The one behind it is Kelsey and she likes to listen to heavy metal and read romantic poetry. But now I knew the ick truth, that took it to the next level, there was bat wings!

Not even sure where the one blocking my hit came from, well from right there as far as I can tell but still. It was small though with a tiny little claw, so ick cute. Hanging there I could imagine that claw going through my hair and a shiver shot down my spine then right to the tip of my tail. I didn't think I just reacted and sprung away, flip and perfect landing, my eyes on the claw the whole time just in case it decided to mess up my hair.

Whipping the staff of whapping behind me, I laughed for a moment "I think they should rewrite the stories. They said wings and I only see one and tiny one, a winglet maybe." You know I should really learn not to poke the evil monsters, they always have a bag of unexpected somewhere on their body and silhouette had a bag and then done.

There was a sound, but I well hmm..... You know the screaming of people who can't get those child proof containers open? It sounded sort of like that a billion fold as Silhouette in an explosion of action revealed the wings part of the stories. WHOOSH!

I nearly choked on the mint that I wasn't sucking on at the moment, a future mint. Which is hard to do since I haven't met the mint yet but I nearly choked on it, which kind of hurt. *future cough gag cough*

Standing there in all its 'apocalyptic glory' was silhouette with a giant set of wings. Where he was keeping them at I don't know, maybe in his pocket. Maybe they are like a Swiss Army knife and just swish out or something.

There was the dramatic back light and slow moving sea going bats too; they have snorkels, air tanks and goggles just in case you wanted to know. I didn't know they had those either, maybe during Halloween I will get a couple of those and have some fun.

"Hey cool fake bats, I don't see the strings or anything."

"Why thank you. You won't find any strings, they are just slow flying."

"Okay...." Slowly back away with a strange look on their face and laugh, "Oh the candy is over there."

"Thank you."

Time stood still for a moment, maybe it was caught off guard by the big wing reveal too.

So tentacles, wings and void versus a tail and cuteness. It sounds even, I told myself as I stood there. Waiting for next moment because the current moment was getting old.

*****

Tick! Tick! Tick! Tick! Tick! Goes the clock as we both stand there waiting for the other to move. I watched as the wings shifted back and forth as tentacles did what tentacles do, sort of similar what snakes do but without the forked tongue thank monkey. I could feel Silhouette's eyes I think looking at me, watching my tail slowly swinging back and forth ready to HIYAH and my cuteness rearing back like a great cat ready to pounce. Cuteness does that, it is a little known secret.

Oh and while I am standing here I should bring something up. Clocks go tick not tisp. Just saying that clocks on the walls go tick, tick and tick. The really big ones go TICK, TICK and TICK! Now the wrist watches, those might go tisp, but they whisper and it is kind of hard to say. Clocks also go ding and dong, bong and cuckoo. The last one caught me off guard once while out at Grammy's and Pappy's house when I was young. I was trying to read the time, big hand pointing at one thing and the little hand pointing at something else. I yelled out the time I thought it was and a little door swung open. I thought I was getting a treat but a little bird erupted out if it and nearly took my head off. All the while it flapped its wings and cuckooed at me. Let's just say I had well.... Let's just say that..... Let's just say that the bird made an enemy that day. Grammy and Pappy laughed whenever I sat there leering at the the clock, arms folded across my chest and everything waiting for the bird to come out. When it did I would point to my eyes and then at the bird, telling it I was watching its every move.

Slowly a tumbleweed rolled in between us and continued on its merry way. Disappearing like tumbleweeds do, once out of sight it just is gone. It looks like we have an audience. I wonder where she is at now and if she still has a tail. 

I catch a glimpse of a figure standing at the edge of a building a safe distance away. Robes blowing in the wind and the sun glinting off a bald head. Wise words and the threat of tailing pulling making me smile. I chuckle to myself, when I see the gentlemanly shape standing behind him with something constantly moving on its shoulder it only confirms it, they are all showing...

Who is left, I ask myself and then I hear it, a bass riff singing out. Shattering the stillness of the air like only left handed bases can do. I can imagine the Stephen leaning there against the speaker sitting at demon's feet.

Only one person left really and I just saw her, at that moment a piece of paper flirted down in front of me. With one hand I grabbed the paper, writing welcoming my eyes. 'Clocks go tisp tisp tisp. Flip over.'

No they don't you silver halo'd angel.

Flipping the paper around and I started to read the words congregated there. 'Yes they do. Tisp tisp tisp. Kick bottom.' Without taking my eyes off of silhouette I folded the paper and slipped it into my bag. I guess that is what I need to do, I told myself as I relaxed then gripped my staff a little stronger over and over,

I look over to the banana milkshake sitting there a safe distance away and almost as if on queue the tip of the straw draw, almost like it was saying 'Go for it.'

"Time to kick bottom...."  I said with a nod.

((Set the clock, bottom kicking time and ugh I hope there it no time change during it. Fall back..... Spring forward. It sounds like a bad dance....))

[Catherine]

This is it, everyone is here,  I tell myself as I stand there not planning for the next moment. Best not to plan for something that really can't be planned for.

'No you weren't suppose to punch, you were suppose to take a step back. Now we have to start this all over again. Remember to do everything as planned, so the fight runs smoothly.'

I think Silhouette was preparing too, its wings constantly shifting snd tentacles constantly doing what tentacles do. Other than that I couldn't tell anything with silohuette. Was it breathing hard, got me. Did the all new because monkey girls don't fall out of the sky you know, monkey meteor of coolness special attack, do anything to silhouette, head scratcher there too. Not even sure if I can hit silhouette really but got to give it a try.

Behind my back, I shift the grip on the staff of whapping. Don't need tripping over it when the next moment arrives. That would be kind of embarrassing, I got you whoops and thump roll with stars above head.  Not a good way to start anything really. I got this cake for whoops and SPLAT! Look at this little glass figurine, whoops and CRASH! I will just take this jar full of Africanized bees right over, whoops and BUZZ STING!

Time slows for a moment as I blink, I can see one of silhouette's tentacles starting to move. I don't  think, just react as time starts back up on all cylinders, cartwheel to the side as the tentacle flies by. Slicing through the area I was just at. By the looks of it, it would have been painful too. Why don't tentacles try to shake your hand? They just go for the uncomfortable hug or the skewer you like a hotdog thing. More tentacles fly at me, I flip and somersault and roll over each and every one like they aren't even there.

A bunch shoot at me at once, they do say it is best to work as a group don't they? I dance to the side and pirouette away, lazily spinning. Which is actually a defensive move, I mean look at it. Tentacles come flying and CHING off a foot or the staff. CHING! CHING! CHING!  CHING!  CHING! Tentacle mayhem in the fishing town!

The spinning slows and stops, thankfully, anymore spinning and I would have URP'd all over. Which isn't a special attack or defense move, it is an ick move. One that is fine for that creature over there *point to a creature over there* but not me. I stand there for a moment, balanced on my toes like a ballerina.

CRACK A SMACK!

Goes a tentacle at my feet and I flip and tuck away, shooting the tentacle the power sign 'I am keeping my eyes on you!' Land, the tip of my tail tapping the ground just for a moment before I dive away. Too fast for judges to do their thing though. As tentacles lash out at me, well where I was. Not there anymore though, if I was I would be in a world of OW!

I dance about silhouette, who isn't even bothering to watch, as the tentacles keeping trying to catch me. I even managed to jump rope with one, singing a little rhyme like I use too. Jumping away in the nick of time when a couple of tentacles tried to come at me from different sides.  Well I sort of did the splits, the tentacles bang their tentacle heads together overhead as I rolled followed by a jump away.

Suddenly my foot found something slippery and I started to slip and fall. I thought I had stepped on a slug that was in the wrong place at the wrong time but with a quick 'What did I just step on?' Look I could see it was a tentacle. I should have called foul and thrown a flag, just plain sloppy fighting there. Leaving tentacles just laying about, some one could slip and ohhhh..... I got it, still worth a whistle blow.

'Tweet..... A twenty yard penalty for laying tentacles laying about. *hand sign of tentacles and pointing* We will continue the fight over there!'

I glanced backwards and can see that I was falling into a vat full of sharks. Not sure where silhouette was keeping that. No wait that doesn't make sense. I look again, just a big tentacle. I was worried for a moment, not ready for sharks at the moment especially if silhouette used them as weapons like throwing stars, I would be in trouble. No way to dodge a bunch of hammerheads tossed at you.

With a little bend here and help with the air flow by my tail, I extend the fall into a dive backwards. The only trouble with those is that you don't see what you are heading into, unless you bend your head way back, so you might be diving into a large teeth filled mouth. I already verified the lack of teeth behind me so back I went. Bend, contort and up I went.

"You thought you had me you stupid tentacle, " I said with a spin and point, "you have been out monkeyed!"

The tentacle looked sad laying there, all it wanted was a tentacle hug and squeeze and I denied it that. Of course, what I didn't know is that the tentacle had been taking acting lessons and was faking it. I didn't realize that until I felt a smack on my back followed by what sounded like a bunch of kissing sounds as I fell into the large tentacle. I knew what the sounds meant and it wasn't kissing either, it was suckers and not of good kind!


*****

You know that movie with the giant snake in it that wraps around its victim before hugging them to pieces, what was it again? The super humongous garter snake that hugs you to pieces, I think.

I can't remember how it got so big, one moment it was small and the next it was wrapping itself around buildings trying to swallow them. The effects were pretty good, the people running away screaming was believable but the snake looked all rubbery and stuff. It really didn't move it just sort of laid there with its tongue out. When it moved it really didn't and when it climbed on buildings it looked like it was laying down in an upright position. It never really emoted or blinked, the tongue was always in the proper hissing position at all times. Which would promote dryness of the tongue and I would think it, being the snake, would constantly need to dip its tongue into glasses of water. It didn't help that the movies was in 3D, the rubber snake is coming at me eeeeee. They could have saved money and not use one of the D's.

Yeah so when it wrapped and you that hide the strings really good, the snake would  sort of just spiral around and we'll just squeeze. I didn't know that that snakes' heads and tails would stretch when they squeezed too. The target of the death hug would scream and stick its tongue out.m

Okay where was I going with that, oh squeezed by a snake that is really are tentacle. Constantly winding up me, it's little suckers popping constantly. POP POP POP POP POP POP. It was weird and hey! Watch where you pop. I am sensitive there. Some tentacles get a little touchy feely. Just because they are bigger and thicker and have suckers they think they can just sucker you wherever they want.

"Hey watch it!" I screamed as I got suckered by another sucker in a place I never wanted to be suckered. With a little work I popped an arm free and rubbed the area as i was slowly twisted and lifted off the ground. I could try to extend my staff, that would surprise silhouette, but all I think it would do is shoot out the top and knock a bird out of the sky. Sparrow corner pocket. So I sat there a let the tentacle do its work as I scowled. A pretty vicious scowl too, one that silhouette will know I am not too happy.

Slowly its face came into view and I think it looked at me, the whole looking like a void thing was throwing me. I Humphed and scowled more at silhouette as I hung there in front of it. Go ahead and bore into my soul. Judge me if you like, I don't see any badges so you really aren't a judge so Nyah. I could feel the squeezing getting stronger and stronger, was it trying to find out what my secret filling is? Because I didn't want to find out!

Tighter and tighter it got, slowly pushing my tongue out of my mouth. In an adorable way by the way. To add insult to injury, the tip of the tentacle flicked my nose. BOING went my nose and growled, "That is it! That was taking it too far!"

*super monkey girl teeth noming attack of let me go!*

Mouth flew open and then down right on to the tentacle. I will regret the after taste but the tentacle needed to learn a lesson.

*Nom level wow!*

I teeth massaged the tentacle and it was nasty. Like rubber covered in more rubber covered in sweat. Ick! But the tentacle reacted, it started to shake around trying to break my teeth grasp on it. No one breaks the super monkey girl teeth noming attack of let me go until the person doing it decides it is done. Around and around I flew, I could feel the tentacles starting to loosen.

*nom level oh wow!*

I open and bite harder, catching the tentacle off guard and it from moving to jerking to try and get me off. "No chance!" I growled as I grated my teeth, trying to keep my tongue away from tentacle contact.

Jerking went to erratic jerking and I started to count to myself. Three....two....one... As the tentacle jerked forwards I let go and flew away from it. I kept my eyes on the tentacle though as I flipped and landed. Snapping my teeth a couple times before spitting and pulling out some mouth wash out of my bag.,

"One moment please," I said before gargling. Can't fight whole my mouth tasted like blah.

((Like I am going to gargle and try to write. The words would be all sloppy....))

[Catherine]

Hold finger up, which is the pointer finger just in the vertical position. So unless you are pointing directly up it means 'hold'.

GARGLE! SWISH! GARGLE!

Cheeks puffed our, I pause for a moment considering my next move. Dispensing of the mouth wash, I look around looking for a sink. I really should have thought this out before gargling after teeth massaging.

"Wa ah momut." I tell silhouette, still with the hold finger up, as I continued to look around. Why can't I ever find a sink when I need one? Could swallow the mouth wash but that would be gross. Hmm..... I turn back towards silhouette and give it a mouth wash filled chipmunk cheek smile, "On mu monut."

SWISH! GARGLE! SWISH!

I run over to a tree and duck my head behind it. I don't throw up since that is gross but I empty the mouthwash from my mouth. Patting the tree as I stand back up, "I will have to come back later and see if you smell like mint." It might be relaxing to stand here and smell a hint of mint in the air as the wind blows through the leaves. Inhale and cough cough cough, "I think I just swallowed a bird."  Why would one fly so low?

Stumbling away from the tree, I cough and secretly pray that I don't see any feathers coming from me. I am not a pillow so please no feathers, is that one ? No... For a moment I thought I saw a feather, I must have swallowed a little bit of mouthwash and I am hallucinating. Seeing feathers..... Will I see green elephants too? Ones born of the green mint.

"Okay I think I am ready," I tell silhouette as I shake my head, trying to clear my head of the effects of the accidentally swallowed mouthwash. I don't need to see imaginary feathers when this is taken to the next level, I would get distracted and start to swipe at them. Don't need that. Hiyaaaaaoooohhhh look a feather, it is tickling my nose.

I could see silhouette's tentacles start to flex, preparing to strike."Wait one more moment, don't want to pull a muscle." I kick one leg up snd stretch and then the other, "never can be careful, "  I say as I swing my arms in circles them bend side to side, back popping a little. Arm behind the head and crack, "Ow!" Then the other right before doing tail stretches, proper tail warm ups is necessary since a crink in the tail can throw the aerodynamics off. Do a flip and find yourself spinning out of control. CRASH BOOM and SQUEAL!

"Okay...." I said as stretched my arms above my head, my staff of whapping in my hands as I bent side to side, "now I am ready. Where was we?"

((It is always good to end with a question. You know for dramatic nail bitting waits...))

[Catherine]

My question was answered with tentacles, tentacles of all sizes. No favoritism was shown with this answer. They came flying we'll sort of flying, tentacles don't have wings or rocket engines so not really flying. They came at me though and my staff flew into action.

CHING! CHING! CHING and more CHINGS!

I could feel my feet slipping on the ground as tentacles beat into me, silhouette wasn't kidding around this time I guess. Did he have somewhere to be? Maybe the apocalypse had a start by date? If you don't start the apocalypse by so and so date we can't guarantee results. Instead of fire, brimstone and screaming you might get unicorns, cotton candy and singing. Although taking a unicorn to the head would hurt a lot.

Deja vu was setting in, tentacles and staff spinning. Even the tentacle trying to sneak around and catch by surprise right there. HIYAH! Need to change this up or something might happen, like me getting bored. Spin and block here, oh and that one over there too, yawn. Oops I almost forgot the one over there, spin and squish. Le bored.  SMACK! SMACK!

Doesn't silhouette know anything else or is this just scripted? If it is, someone forgot to give me the script. SMACK!

"Are you going to try something different?" I growled as I continued to spin and smack. "I know the whole tentacle thing is cool. Especially throwing them all at me at once but," SMACK, "try to be a little creative."

"Here I will show you," I said as I pushed the spinning staff forwards a little, knocking the tentacles back before stopping the staff. I think silhouette blinked, trying to figure out what I was doing, simple really I was standing there. Then the tentacles came at me again, there was a slight pause for a moment when the tentacles thought the staff would start to spin and when it didn't they just rushed forward.

Three....Two and One! In a blink of an eye right before the tentacles could touch me I leaned back. Then further back and even further, letting my tail take the staff right before my hands meet ground and my feet decided to follow the tentacles, flipping to all fours.

"Surprise," I said with a smile as I took off towards the tentacles source, silhouette. I have to umm.... hand it to my tail. Any tentacles that started to catch on what was happening, it was blocking with the staff. If I looked back I would see a growing path of dazed tentacles behind me hanging there confused, "Good job."

I know silhouette wasn't expecting anything like this, it expected me to stand there and spin my staff. Nope! I learn from the past and repeating it makes meeeeeezzzzzz. Wait what am I doing? Just the thought alone of just standing there was making me sleepy. Quickly I correct my slow descent towards the ground and whoosh! Quickly silhouette's form was closing in, it was right there and I was right here, no right here, no right here. You get what I am saying.

With a smile, I decide to do something fun and regret it the next moment as a cicada smacks into my teeth. I change direction and reach out for a tentacle. Using my force which is calculated by taking the mass of myself, which isn't much and I am not going to say and multiple by the acceleration of said object.

[censored mass] times my current acceleration which is, let me look at my speedometer, wow that fast huh. Carry the one and not the zero and I get and this could be off by a decimal point. So please, if you want, redo the math. I get *clear throat* wow you are strong in the force. Not sure where the letters came from though, but they spell something out clearly.

My body swings up and up, let go of the tentacle at just the right moment I arc up and over. Dramatic lighting behind me of course as I flip and spin in front of Silhouette, removing my shoes because I grabbed  another tentacle with my feet and swung  back down and under the tentacles again.

In a blink of an eye I was off, after putting my shoes back on. I didn't need to step on anything barefooted at the moment. Then took off running, right for my target. This was a calculated risk but it worked before, maybe just maybe it will work again. I dive  and roll, taking the staff from my tail as I rolled.

*super secret ninja technique ring the bell*

Up swung my staff and I think I heard the clear sound of a bell ringing when staff meet something. For a moment, nothing else happened then.....then silhouette was flung up and backwards into the air, all thanks to the technique. It guaranteed a temporary stunning of the target of the technique and by the way the tentacles streaked back pass me to silhouette, I could tell it was stunned.

“See something different.”

((Ding. ))

[Catherine]

Back flew silhouette all slow motion like, tentacles still streaking pass me. I am pretty sure those were the stragglers too or the ones that like to loiter. Obviously they didn't read the sign in the parking lot right over there. No loitering and absolutely No jumping jacks, patrons do not want to see that.

SHUMP. SHUMP. SHUMP. Went the tentacles back into the void of Silhouette and when the last one went SHUMP, Silhouette beat its wings and froze its fall backwards. Quickly I covered my eyes with one hand, cocking a leg backwards as the wind buffeted me.  If it slipped in a phpt too, I will be mad. Standing there I watched as silhouette righted itself with the help of the beating of its wings.

"I was wondering about those," I said, covering my mouth with a hand so no loose twigs, pebbles, insects, small birds or anything similar flew into my mouth. "I thought they might just be for show. You know the effect, throw out the wings to make you all big and menacing. A lot of villains with wings do it you know, whoosh fear me I am big and menacing blah. Yeah well the big pink wings say something else. But you got working ones, so no ostriches are in your bloodline."

Again no witty villain  banter from silhouette, it just hovered there looking down at me. It would have been funny if some slow moving pigeons slammed into the back of it. Can't be menacing or scary with pigeons feathers floating around you. I lost it for a moment as I imagined the whole thing happening.

Fear me monkey girl. I will hover up here out of reach and stare at you. Now I must think of THUMP! What the? THUMP! Stop flying into me, I am trying to THUMP! Stop it with the feathers, I am going to sneeze.

I double over laughing and shake a open hand towards silhouette, "Sorry...sorry had a funny thought. Give me a moment." At least I wasn't. Imagining geese flying into silhouette, I would be rolling on the ground. A goose to the head, even to the gut will take any thoughts of the apocalypse out of a person or thing.

"Okay, okay I am ready." I said standing back up straight, wiping the tears away from my eyes as I do. Taking a breath or two I prepared myself for something and something came. Something with the words 'black' and 'leathery' attached to it. Instantly my staff appeared in my hands and defensive block.

PCHOW!

I never wondered what a giant wing would smell like but now I knew as it pushed itself into the staff. Leathery I guess with a distinct bat smell. It was a battle if strength as silhouette pushed and I pushed back through clenched teeth. If it threw the other wing into the..... Almost spoke to soon there, but I caught a glimpse of moment of the not flying type from the other wing   Right before it shot towards me. An idea popped into my mind and it was not to be there or....

With a smile, I spun the staff and parried the one wing into the other at the last moment. Master always said to use an opponents strength against itself. I always thought it meant something else really but now I understood when I watched the two wings crash into each other. I didn't expect any explosions or fire coming from them like when airplanes fly into each other or other things. It would have been cool though.

DOUBLE PCHOW!

Silhouette quickly pulled its wings back, shaking them a little and maybe giving me a dirty look, that is what happens when you get all wingsie. Slowly it began to turn around. Was it going to cry? Curious I start to follow Silhouette, I didn't want to hurt it. I just didn't want the whole apocalypse thing that is all.

"Are you..." I start to ask, when suddenly one of silhouette's wings shot towards me like a thrown knife. Slicing the air in two as  flew right at me. No time to bring up my staff and position it properly, with the trajectory that the wing was flying it stood a good chance of slipping by the staff. I mean a staff is only so wide, a little to the right or left and ow!

No time to think, I close my eyes as the tip of the wing made a beeline right at me. Any moment now.....

"Ninja art of not being here" I whisper and POOF instantly a cloud forms around me. Followed by a KERCHUNK as the wing slices into the cloud and into something. The halves of the cloud fall to either side revealing a small log with a little monkey face drawn on it.

Hiding behind a tree, I watched as Silhouette shook the wing trying to get the log off. Quietly I took out my phone and brought it up. "This is so being posted," I whispered to myself as I pointed my phone and tapped the screen.

SNAP!

Instantly I froze, forgetting that I didn't turn off the whole camera taking a photo sound in my phone. I needed to think, Silhouette knew I wasn't on the tip of its wing. I took a step out and pointed at a leaf on the ground, "How dare you take a photo, thinking you could post it on the Internet to get thousands if not millions of likes. What were you going to hash tag it anyway? #apocalypsestumped or something?" Was it going to work?

My answer came quickly as the monkey stump flew right pass me and the sound of wing slicing air followed.

*Ninja art of not being here*

Another cloud POOFED and another log was sacrificed as I disappeared. This time silhouette was onto me and quickly looked around, spotting my tail poking out from behind a tree.

SWISH!

 *Ninja art of not being here*

From where I was hiding now behind a lawn gnome, why it was here I don't  have the faintest, I watched as the tree was sliced in two and so was the log nearly missing the other wing shooting towards me.

 *Ninja art of not being here*

From behind a pigeon, a tear rolled down my cheek as the lawn gnome's head flew off. I didn't want that to happen to the pigeon so I POOFED again and peaking out from this new vantage point I could see that the pigeon was safe.

The dance continued, me proofing and silhouette slicing away. A twisted form of hide and go seek really, which if I lost I would be without a head and that puts a hamper to things. POOF, behind a cement curb. POOF, behind a light pole. POOF, behind another pigeon, the other one is over there. POOF, okay this is getting tiring my poofer is almost out.

I can see a wing shooting towards me, one last poof in me I think. POOF!


*****

KERCHUNK!

Goes the wing into the wood and Silhouette starts to look around. It knows what I have done before so it is expecting me to behind that over there. Slice goes the wing through a sprinkler head sending water spraying into the air. Nope! Pick again, maybe that thing over there. Slice goes the wing through a parking meter, moments later the sound of metal hitting ground can be heard echoing off everything. Nope! Try again.

Silhouette pauses for a moment, thinking maybe. Where is the monkey girl? Maybe behind that pigeon over there? Better not she has been tricky so far and it might not be a pigeon. How about the garbage can? She could be hiding inside it. Yeah I will answer that thought with an ick. No way would I hide in a garbage can, the apocalypse would have to be coming for me to consider... Okay never mind. Still ick. How about the mirrored ball over there, really not sure why anyone would hang one up there for. No way she would hide in a place as obvious as that. Where then, you ask yourself. Where?

I watched from my vantage point of here, watching as silhouette looked around trying to find me. This is so fun, it is like those 'Where is Wilbur' books, but I am really good at hiding. Nope not over there. Not there either. Nah that place is too hot.  That is too cold. That place is just right but not there either. Where is the monkey girl?

"Here I am!" I yell as I POOF and cover what I think is Silhouette's eyes. If they are somewhere else, I am not going to cover them. Eyes usually go here and that is good, anywhere else would just be plain weird. "You didn't expect me here did you?"

Instantly tentacles shot up all around me, Maybe I should of thought this out better. and I give a nervous laugh. *boink goes the idea bulb* Where is the fun in that? 

"You better think about it, if you try to tentacle me, you might miss me and tentacle yourself. Do you want to be suckered?"

I could see the tentacles hesitate right before Silhouette started to jerk around trying to get me to let go. Quickly I switched my imaginary hat from the well worn adventurer one to  a ten gallon hat. I did try to find a smaller gallon one,maybe a two or three gallon one but everywhere I looked they told me that only ten gallon ones were made. It just looks so huge on my head. Ride them little err cowmonkey. No um cowmonkeygirl. Let's go with cute cowgirl with a tail okay? Silhouette lurches and jerks around and if I wasn't holding on, I would let go with one hand a "Wahoo!" But holding on so no wahooing at the moment.

All over the parking lot we go, I know I have to be getting a good riding time. I just have to be and I am dung gentle and considerate. No imaginary Spurs into Silhouette's sides. On and on we went, but the bucking and jerking started to slow down. Will Silhouette collapse under me? Will clowns appear from nowhere to distract it? I hope not, clowns are a little creepy sometimes.  Then nothing, just standing there, I could even hear the silence crickets singing. Well poo! Ride is already done.

As I was about to pat the side of what I think is Silhouette's head a tentacle went shooting pass me and another shot somewhere else. "Remember," I started to say, "you stand a chance of tentacling yourself."

Right before being hit by something, two somethings actually, I hear "You don't have a ticket......" and the sound of beads whistling in the air. Then THUNK THUNK and darkness.

((Fade to Black and that is cool transition to what is coming next week.))

[Catherine]

"Ow..." Was all that came out of me as I started to push myself up off the ground. What just hit me? It wasn't tentacles, definitely not those. Whatever it was was hard, did silhouette grab some bricks or something? Maybe coconuts? Definitely felt like coconuts.

"What did you just hit me with?" I asked as I started to open my eyes, one hand rubbing my head to try and alleviate the pain. I could see silhouette standing there and followed one tentacle off to the right and saw Dani laying there, her little tongue hanging out of her mouth as the stars danced above her. I watched as she lifted a hand and started to paw the air in front of her saying something about tickets.

"Why did you drag her into this?" I asked as I watched her for a moment look, wondering why she had a silver halo. All of the other angels I knew, well didn't really know but I saw at the top of the Christmas tree, had gold halos p. I guess she wanted to be hip and different. Gold halos were so last century or something. All of the hip angels went silver. Throw the sign of the halo!

I turned my head to look at silhouette with a glare, "She has nothing to do with this. Just minding her business up in the clouds." Silhouette had no answers, I am finding out that creatures of tentacles, wings and voids usually don't. There was no call for this, the apocalypse didn't have to include others.

Sitting there glaring, almost monkey girl mad, I felt something bump against my leg. If a tentacle was wrapping around it I would so stand up and jump up and down on it. All the while gritting my teeth and maybe add a little bit of a growl. Sitting there was a bead, then another and yet another. I remember the beads hanging around the lurking monk's neck.

Suddenly my eyes went wide. Ow! Okay not that wide, that kind of hurt. Okay so a little less wide and I traced the other tentacle back to the monk. Face down with his bald head catching the light just right to blind me. Quickly I brought a hand up to cover my eyes and could see the monks moving a little. Thank monkey he wasn't hurt that bad.  I heard him mumbling something about friend, some numbers in the calculation of how fast a monk would be going to break the sound barrier and finally something about eye rain. Did he get something in his eyes and meant pain? Did he have a vision on the moment of impact about it raining eyes? They would be really bad, you could never could stand up because they would constantly be slipping out from under you. That and you would constantly have the feeling of being stared at. It would be interesting to see if the weathermen would predict it.

"Today there is a slight chance of rain. Oh how odd we have a phone call. Can I help you?"

"You said there would be a slight chance of rain."

"Yes, I did."

"Yeah, look outside and see what you see. Because what is falling from the sky will be looking at you!"

"What?" And faint.

"Why did you drag him into this too," I yelled throwing  my hand out to point at the monk, temporarily getting blinded by the head shine at the same time. A growl could be heard as I grabbed a bead, "You poop head!" Then hurled it at silhouette's head.

I could hear it hitting something and dig in. I wasn't kidding when I threw it. If I had a police speed thingie it would be reading something good at the moment. As I popped up I could see the ball spinning against Silhouette's face, sparks and everything flying off of it.

"I can't believe you and don't even think about 'including' anyone else. My head and specifically their heads don't like running into each other," I caught a glimpse of a tentacle doing something, "I said no! Bad tentacle! No one else is being included in this apocalypse thing. Just you and me."

I stood there, the bead still spinning into Silhouette's face and caught another tentacle trying to be sneaky. "I said no!" and kicked a bead at it, knocking it in its tentacle head or whatever tentacles have. From here I could see little tentacle stars swirling about it. "The rest of you tentacles better learn from what just happened. I am not happy that you decided to include others without asking. Not happy whatsoever." Stamping a food to express by not happiness. I could hear movement coming from Dani and Lurker.

"You two get out of here," I said without taking my eyes of Silhouette and the tentacles, putting couple on the spot with a quick hand sign.

"Kay," I heard Dani answer as she started to flutter off. "Good luck friend," Lurker said as he joined the gentlemen on the building.

"I will do my best," I answer the lurker as the bead fell from Silhouette's face. "I will do my best."   

((And the fight goes on....))

[Catherine]

A wind kicked up and blew a dust cloud up between silhouette and myself. To make it even more dramatic, there was a lone piece of paper swirling in the dust cloud too. Anymore than one piece and it cut into the dramatic and made it ridiculous. Which was proven by scientific experiments funded by the government, not sure which one though. That and anymore pieces of paper and you would risk getting nasty paper cut and where there is paper cuts there is iodine and ow!

So yeah wind, dust cloud and lone piece of paper swirling about. I missed what was on the paper as it blew by but that didn't matter. Unless it was telling me that I was going to lose, which I would have laughed anyways as I crumpled  the paper up into a ball and threw it away. But the moment was dramatic and if that one type of music that played during spaghetti westerns, sort of like a lute or singing, it would have taken the dramatic to the next level. Which might have been too much though. This so felt like one of those gunfights I saw on tv when I watched it with my dad and I did have the imaginary ten gallon hat on so I was dressed for that.

Both of us just stood there waiting for the other to make the first move. I could feel the silhouette's one eye squinting stare boring into my soul as I flexed my hands. Every muscle in my body preparing for being somewhere else and doing more.  Silhouette's tentacles slowly moved as its wings barely did anything, the little claws flexed though and hey I think one just gave me a rude sign!

Everything got quiet, not even the silence crickets sung out. I was so tempted to find a pin and drop it to see if I would hear it. If my stomach decided to growl, everyone would have heard it and I would have been embarrassed. If I ppfftted, I would have been really embarrassed and would have turned bright red.,

I could feel the sweat starting to run down my face, one little sweat ball slowly making its way down and I think silhouette was sweating too, just void sweat. No deodorant was made for that I think.

'When I feel like bringing the world to a end I  reach for elder scream. It gives me that just fresh feeling and now it comes in both the original soul  retching scent (made for sports) and Maelstrom musk. Don't think we forgot you ladies,  we have you covered to with sensual scream of the scared & terrified and lavender. So remember Elder Scream when you are bringing the world to an end and you don't want to stink or have those under arm sweat stains.'

Okay maybe there is deodorant made for void things. That might explain the fresh spring scent in the air coming from silhouette.

Standing there all I could think of was, 'This is intense.' oh and... I shot a glance towards the banana milkshake and back again in the blink of a eye. It was safe as far as I could tell. No dents or scratched in the cup and the straw wasn't bent funny or have void goo on it. Which was good.

My tail slowed down and was prepared, no way it was going to be caught by surprise. Someone just needs to mo......

((Okay That is an embarrassing place to end. I sound like I am a cow girl. Which I am not! No one come up to me and ask “Got milk?”!))

[Catherine]

For a moment I thought it was just silhouette flexing his wings but there was flash of movement as tentacles shot towards me, well towards where I was. I wasn't there anymore, not going to be caught off guard if I am ready and I was ready like a monkey on a banana. Okay that doesn't really make sense, sort of busy at the moment and have other things on my mind to come up with something witty.

I spring off to the side as tentacles snap at the empty air and continue to cartwheel away. A moving target is a target that is really hard to hit, my old master use to say and I was making sure that I was moving and I could hear the tentacles snapping where I always wasn't.  Front flip. Back flip and some other type of flip was used to play keep away from the tentacles. I know they thought they had me at some points but nope. All they could get a hold of was air and currently that wasn't dancing around.

Half way into a flip a tentacle shot out in the direction I was heading, suckers pointing towards me and ready to do suckering. Evasive actions and air brakes were slammed on and I came to a screeching halt. For a moment I hung there in the air, physics ignored, that subject always made me yawn. Things go up and things come down. Things accelerate and decelerate. Slip and slide, which was always fun to play on. Physics it makes the world turn around and go boom. At this moment physics was luckily  interested in something else.  But when it got interest back in me I drop down onto all fours, pressed up once and flipped onto my back.

Why monkey, do you ask. Why would you flip onto your back and expose your belly. Yes nothing could sneak up  from behind you but still. A simple answer, I am not a turtle. So I am not stuck there waving my hands and feet around trying to stand up. Another answer, it is easier to spin on my butt and that is what I start to do. Spin like a little top and take off leaving a little dust trail behind.

ZIP!

I bob and weave, spin and juke. Whatever the last thing is, I do it. Across the parking lot as tentacles erupt around me, I even run up some of the bigger ones in fact. ZIP! I swerve to the right. ZIP! Now to the left. Tentacles are just everywhere, but not where I am at. A set thinks it has the better of me and forms a walk, but before they can close up all of the way I pop up and slip through the opening. Jerking my tail through at the last second before the tentacles can grab it.

Bricks erupt around me as I shot across a wall, shooting brick stuff up in the air. ACHOO! Mid spin I stick my hands out and spring feet first away from the wall. Landing for a split second before taking off again.  A large bigger than life tentacle thrusts from nowhere and I spring at it, pulling myself up and on top of it. I could mock the tentacle, but that isn't nice. It isn't its fault that it couldn't catch me. There there little not so little tentacle, maybe next time. Hopefully not but still. I start the spinning and shoot down the length of the tentacle. Monkey torpedo launched and on target.

I grind and reverse goofy grind down the length of the tentacle, even did a loop da loop. Which surprised me really, I didn't know I was going fast enough to do I've of those. For a moment I glance at my speedometer, wow that fast, as I zing up the tentacle.

"Time for a monkey knuckle sandwich," I said as I uncurled, fist pointing in the proper position of ow as I flew towards silhouette's head. We have contact in three...two....urk! 


****

That is all I can say is urk. It fits so many different things, especially when you are caught off guard by something. That something was a little fist on a big bat wing that at the moment was hitting me.

*tiny batfist uppercut!*

I didn't even know that those little hands could be balled up. But I was learning from first hand experience that they could. If I knew it was coming, I would have dodged it too. Back I flew, carried by the force of that little fist, up into the sky. A voice in my head yelling "FINISH HER!" in a not so nice but determined way.

Wait what? Finish her? Who is her? I thought as I continued to fly backwards and taking way too long. I am guessing to be dramatic, everything slowed down and I am going to be taking my own sweet time hitting the ground where I bounce a couple times and then stick my tongue out with my eyes closed. Then something bad happens, it usually does when 'finish her' is yelled. Be it breaking of something that I prefer not to be broken, leaking of liquids that I prefer not to leak, maybe even attacked by hairless cats and anything in between.

"No finishing her here," I said in response as I started to paw at the air trying to stop the slow decent to well the ground and the last part of finish her. Unless that last part comes in midair and silhouette grabs me and does something that I really don't want to happen, which I don't. So I paw and hoping I can....

Suddenly I jerk to a stop, my hands catching on something. What it is I don't know, but it is keeping me from crossing the 'if you cross this line you will be finished in ways you really don't want to know about at the moment since it will make your tummy turn' line so I am okay with whatever it is. I take advantage of whatever I am holding onto and push as hard as possible, flipping off to the side and out of the slow motion fall backwards.

"You know you...." I start to say as I drop to the ground, not even given the time to finish my thought as a fist comes streaking towards me. This time I am ready, I know that bat hands can make bat fists. I dodge to the side, the bat fist whizzing by my ear. I know where there is one there is usually two, so I quickly glance towards where I think the other bat hand is, follow the wing up, and see it arcing in my direction. I drop into the splits and the first sails above my head, knocking my imaginary hat off.

I guess silhouette pulled back his other hand and was now sending it down at me. "No pounding monkey," I said as I rolled forward, the bat fist slamming into the ground with a loud CRACK! If it the hand was attached to an arm I would have swung around and wrapped my legs around it. A person would have to be awfully desperate to swing  at their own body right? But no, fist attached to wing so I have to resort to plan b.

For a moment I sit there, a good little target and I can hear the fist coming towards me. At the last moment I shift backwards *monkey flash step* and throw my arms out. Sweeping them around the hand and the wing when they hit the ground in front of me, cracking the cement.

Surprised, silhouette jerks the wing up, thinking it might slip out of my hands and it would hit me with its other fist which was heading right towards me. Unfortunately I had a pretty good grip on its wing and hand, all thanks to the 'I don't want to go' training I did when I was young with my dad.

Up I went as silhouette's other fist swished under me, barely missing the tail. What happened next reminded me of the whole jackhammer incident. Which I still blame on someone else. Up and down Silhouette jerked its arm and for a moment it looked like I might slip off so I let go!

Boop as simple as that. Just let go, I could have held on for a lot longer too. We would have both been laying on the ground exhausted, silhouette barely able to lift its wing and me with my arms still wrapped around it. But where is the fun in that?

((I could have ended this with a dramatic nail biter but thought a question would be easier on the brain thingie. I will make you think mwhahahaha.))

[Catherine]

Up I flew again, maybe I should look at getting a little set of wings if I keep doing this. Oh, oh maybe a jet pack. That would be cool, maybe after this is done I can go see if Winter has one. I am sure he does since he is a spy and that is a requirement for all spies. A tux if you are a guy, A beautiful dress if you are a girl, some spy stuff, clean underwear since you never know what type of situation you might be caught in and a jet pack. You probably have to do jet pack driving lessons to if you are a spy, teaching you how to parallel park and stuff. A flying instructor sitting on your shoulder like a parrot as you test, scribbling things down on a clipboard while shaking his or her head getting you all worried for nothing since when you look on the clipboard, all they are doing is playing tic-tac-toe.

So up I went, feet first this time which is different. It gets a little something or another when you are falling or being flung and can't see where you are going. It can lead to some odd things. I have heard stories and I don't want any of it happening to me, still can't picture how the duck... Oh and Roswell, I heard from some guy who knew a guy who knew this other guy who was like a third cousin to someone that someone knew that might have been there but wasn't really sure that someone accidentally put on a jet pack backwards and whoosh hit the unidentified flying object. Oh sorry weather balloon. Where do you think the story about aliens doing probes started at?

Anyways where was I? Oh yeah flying upwards backwards, hoping nothing was back there. Oh please please please, no ducks. That story sounded painful. Something streaked by or I streaked by it and I just reached for it, whatever it was I didn't care.,it would be better than a duck. Definitely if it went the way the story went. Whatever it was gave a little as I jerked to a stop, hanging there I looked to see what had stopped me. Hopping it wasn't a flock of sparrows that were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I could imagine there little mouths open, tongues sticking out as their eyes bulged. Thankfully it wasn't that, what it was was something with suckers.

I could see the tentacle stretching as I hung there, just like a rubber ba... *Ninja light bulb over head* Without thinking, because I didn't want to, I let go off the tentacle and watched it go shooting back just like a rubber band.

With a loud SNAP it hit Silhouette in I think the face, sending it flying backwards and not in slow motion either. I guess the mathematics and psychics wouldn't allow for it this time. Silhouette hit the ground with a thump followed by a couple more before coming to a stop. I stood there and watched as it started to pick itself off the ground, wiping its face with a little wing hand.

That had to take some of the steam out of silhouette, it had too and by how slow It was getting up I knew I was right. I looked down at my wrist and the imaginary watch sitting there, looks like it is time for a taunt.

"How do you like those, um tentacles?"

((Ending with a question which is always good. Makes you think, thinking is good. Well sometimes....))

[Catherine]

Well shoot that could have been better. No taker backers either. I really should have thought that out better, maybe prepped a notecard or something.

By the look on silhouette's well, who am I kidding I couldn't tell what expression it had on its face. It was something; shock, awe, pain, saw a puppy and was in love or something else. I will just go with not happy and give a thumbs up.

"See they don't taste good do they?" I asked taking a step back just in case silhouette decided to lash out just because it could. "Unless you decide to bread then deep fry them, your tentacles taste like blah and really chewy."

I think but not really sure, silhouette turned a little, leaned over and spit. All the while keeping an eye on me. Again I didn't know it felt eyeish. The stare bordering on glare that says how dare you do what you just did. Do you know how long it took me to get ready and you just slap me in the face with my own tentacle! A grrr hiss type of stare with a side of void added in this time.

A cold breeze blew between the two of us. A type of breeze that only blows on when something is taken to the next level. "But come on, it was just a tentacle slap in the face I mean I didn't mock with 'stop hitting yourself' or anything."

Another cold breeze breeze blew between us sending leaves up in the air to dance. " Oh come on, it was its tentacle that it tasted and it isn't like I went out and found an octopus or squid and smacked it with it." I  stood there and no cold breeze blew. It might have realized it was wrong and no level was anything being taken to.

Then  I felt it, the cold breeze  blowing, real quiet and ninja like but I felt it. " Fine.... But why wasn't anything silhouette doing taking it to the next level?"

I didn't expect an answer but I got a cold breeze. "You got to be kidding me, that isn't fair!"

There was a subtle breeze this time, "Fine, but someone needs to look into that. Void creatures bent on the apocalypse shouldn't be able to do anything they want. That isn't right."

I could barely feel the breeze this time, but a lone leaf leaf dancing gave it a way. Really it should have picked another place to hide. Maybe something a little less leafy that wouldn't give it away. "Yeah I know, you are only doing your job. I am not mad or anything. I just thought, but hey," I smiled and gave the breeze the thumbs up.

Silhouette at least had manners and I gave to give it to it. It didn't barge into the conversation. Quickly I threw my head side to side, stretching a little. POP! Ow, I need to be a little more careful next time. I don't need anything popping out and rolling away.. I could see Silhouette doing the same in a way I think.

Both of us could sense that taking it to the next level, was taking it to a level beyond. Beyond is sort of beyond and really I like it here. Here is nice even with the fish smell. You can fix that with a little bit of air freshener. You can't fix beyond because it is beyond fixing.

Everything got deafly quiet, deafly still and deafly anything else. This was it. This was...

((Oh my Monkey a dramatic pause. Duh duh duuuuuuhhhhhh.))

[Catherine]

I would say I was surprised and caught off guard but nope.  I knew what was coming, tentacles and maybe wings. There was an explosion of tentacles, erupting from silhouette and making a beeline right for me. Suckers ready to suck and tips ready to poke & jab. I just stood there, not stunned like I said, just waiting and at the speed the tentacles were clocked at, it would be a moment or even less.

I wondered if Silhouette was wondering what I was going to do. Was I going to start spinning my staff of whapping and deflect his tentacles back at him, maybe even doing a baseball bat thing on the last one. Pointing out to left field and swing. CRACK! Silhouette goes back will he catch it? No it looks like he is going to eat it! The crowd goes wild [insert crowd cheering]. Was I going to bend and wiggle out of the way? Doing flips and spins and some other things? Maybe placing gold in the escape from the tentacles and maybe wings event. Well if it was up to that one judge I wouldn't even place. Was I just going to sit here and take it like a monkey girl? Yeah no. I have enough holes in my body for now. One second, let me double check the charts, okay yes, they say I do. That and I am not a weenie or marshmallow either, one hundred monkey girl here, no additives and no preservatives and one hundred percent natural.

So what then?

*ninja art of the false image because I am somewhere else technique*

The tentacles try to slice and the suckers try to sucker but.... You can't do either if what you are trying to do that to is not there and is only an image. Think tv without the screen and only comes in one channel and that would be yours truly. No you can't get another channel so don't ask. I can't believe you might have been thinking of asking that but didn't ask because you didn't think about it but might have. HUMPH! Unlike a tv, the image isn't flat but three dimensional without the use of glasses or bouncing your head against something. Oh oh remember that movie that happened in a galaxy sort of really far away? You know the one with the people who swung the fluorescent tubes around that never shattered. Remember how those one people sort of appeared after they got hit by a fluorescent tube? Sort of like ghosts, which was kind of scary and limited to like blues and whites. Like that but in one hundred percent color. So realistic that would swear you could touch the image and feel something, but if you tried you would just pass through and do the 'What the?' thing.

So the answer to what I was going to do is that. Tentacles slicing through the false image me. If I had practiced more, after my Master taught me the technique, I could have cheesed it up. The false image could have stumbled backwards, holding her tummy saying 'You got me!' Then stood straight up, stiff as a board, before falling backwards with little 'X' across its eyes and tongue out. It doesn't bounce when it hits the ground it just hits as either a flower appears in its hands or it goes POOF! Didn't practice though so all that happened was the false image sliced in two and like two pieces of paper floated to the ground.

Now usually the false image technique follows a ninja smoke bomb. You know WACHAA throw down POOF and disappear leaving the false image in the smoke to cough a little. It adds to the illusion really, it says I threw the smoke bomb down and when the smoke erupted out of it I got lost and decided it was best to stay where I was. People don't think and just send weapons, I remember there was that one time a guy tried a flying kick at one of my false images and well. He sort of forgot that there was a brick wall right behind me and well.... Flying anything and brick walls don't mix, something ends up on the floor rolling around on the floor yelling and screaming about a hurt leg. But this time, I forgot to pack any while I was back at the house, can't remember if there was any In the closet really. They are fun to play with, I could tell you a story or two that would have milk shooting out of your nose even though you haven't drank any in a couple days. There was this one time that took one and.... What am I doing? In the middle of a fight here so story time can wait. But yeah fun, so much fun. Especially if you... Okay doing it again in a middle of a fight. Focus little monkey girl focus.

The good thing with false images is that they are false and no images are hurt.  The second being is that they distract. The third is the technique can be used over and over without fear of wearing yourself out. Those techniques that wear you out suck, nothing like having to take a nap in the middle of something. Wachaaaazzzzzzzzzzz........

I appear just steps away from where the false image was, the only drawback to the false image really, it attracts the attention so it gets taken out real fast and you have to how yourself. In a blink of an eye the tentacles shoot towards me.

Dodge? Parry? Tooth massage? No on all of those and especially on the last one, don't have the time to gargle. I rinse and repeat.

*ninja art of the false image because I am somewhere else technique*

The tentacles find another false image to slice and dice. They thought they got me that time, I heard one of them snapping their fingers right afterwards.

I appear again and again the tentacles attack. But guess what false image again. Really I would have thought they would have learned by now. Again I appear a step or two away and guess what tentacles again but silhouette tossed in the wings to. Not sure why though, maybe it thought they would catch me by surprise. But nope, poke rend and slice goes the false image and I appear yet again just a step or two away. This continues over and over, me getting closer and closer to silhouette. It looked pretty cool I think, sort of like an effect caused by a strobe light as closed in and maybe that is why silhouette didn't put two and two together.

Last false image and up I went in a super atomic mega ultra nearly improbable monkey upper cut. This will ring silhouette's bell, I told myself as my fist flew upwards.  There might even be teeth flying with this one since I think I saw fire wiping off of my fist.

Three..... Two and one contact! Well I hoped there was going to be contact but if it was it was the softest contact that I have ever felt. What the?

I looked up and watched as my fist continued up and through Silhouette. Stupid can't hit but can hit thing, I growled as my fist carried me off the ground, with quick thinking I adjusted the trajectory of my first to prevent me from maybe hitting the moon, spinning around to almost punch the ground. Thankfully stopping my fist from actually hitting the ground. Others can hit the ground as much as they want, I prefer not to punch something that is as hard and possibly break my fingers, I like them unbroken.

I crouch there for a moment, with a mean look on my face as I stare at silhouette, before launching into storm of fists. Right jab. Left jab. Middle something or another. Left hemi punch. Left fake. Right downwards swipe followed by an upwards swipe. Even my tail even got into it by jabbing and throwing pokes. But nothing was connecting except to air.  Which is good if I was trying to hit that but I wasn't.

Maybe I can overwhelm silhouette, I told myself. Quickly I set my feet into position, if they are just a little off I will go shooting backwards. "Rain of a thousand bazillion punches," I yell, my fists blurring as I punch after another is made and sent. WACHAA on repeat.

My lungs begin to burn as punches flew, shoot I forgot to breath. I take a breath and continue to throw punches. One connect come on. Then my arms begin to scream, 'We are getting tired!' I shift a foot, breaking the stance and get propelled away a couple feet in an instant.

I sit there hunched over just a little taking deep breathes. My arms coming back into focus as the punching ceases. Huh....huh.....huh.... This might last a little longer than we both thought.

((Huh....Huh.... Well poo and now you have to wait until next time to see how it continues....))

[Catherine]

Okay, now what? I can play stay away from silhouette's tentacles and wings for a while longer until I need a banana shake recharge, which I doubt it will let me get. It can also  make itself not hittable, which makes it hard to hit. So we are at an impasse or something similar until one of us slips up and BAM! Unless the whole not hittable thing takes something out of Silhouette, it will be me getting BAMED! Which I have had my fill of at the moment.

So what now? Silhouette answers me with tentacles and just not from the front this time. I don't think, I just react, jumping straight up at just the right moment and I hear the wet smacking sound coming from the tentacles. What is that? Hidden in the smacking, is suckering sounds? Hopefully that is something I can use. Quickly I spin in the air, place a hand on the top of the tentacles and stand there. Feet and tail out for balance.

We locked eyes for a moment I think. Even this close it was kind of hard to say. I got the impression of there being eyes but just couldn't find them. There? No. How about there? No. What is that quote again, 'if you stare into the void, it will stare back at you .' So maybe silhouette is one big eyeball? Then I could poke it but that doesn't make sense, eyeballs don't have wings or tentacles. There wild no way it could use them, eyeballs don't have brains everyone knows that. So it would just sit there until someone poked it with a stick. I do have a staff, maybe I can just.... No. No. No. I am not going to do that since I remember the other quote, 'if you poke something, be prepared to be poked back with something bigger and sharp.'

Locking eyes, we made a connection that has no bounds. We could put our differences aside and go against what our parents said. We could be together, forbidden love and all. What? No, ick! Oh my monkey that is disgusting. Tongue out and brushing it with my hands disgusting. It is a nice it and all but there are other its and I don't want them thinking I stole it away from them. We will definitely not be pulling a Romeo and Juliet, if they won't allow us to be together I will drink this bottle with the skull and crossbones on it. Which isn't a tiny pirate bottle. That and the tentacles are well how should I say this? Maybe other it's find them attractive but I am not it so yeah no. Not so much on being attracted to tentacles, really not attracted to them if they are pulling me in to a giant maw either. Oh and I can't forget the bat wings with these little hands. *shiver* No walking along the lake holding those hands. No, nope and any other ways to say no!

But we did make a connection, just not of the romantic type thank monkey. It was more of I stared into a cold uncaring void and it starred into the warm and fuzzy. We both knew the next move was going to be the big one, that is if it landed of of course. If it didn't it would be really embarrassing. Mega ultra pie in the sky energy fluff punch BOOM and shot I missed, could you like gives me twenty four hours to recharge?

What to do? I can't hit silhouette and I doubt if I asked it wouldn't stop from doing that, even with puppy eyes. My eyes running all over Silhouette looking for something that give me a clue. Then something comes to me and I smile a little, if it worked it the movies it must work in real life. I will just have to rename it, that is all, if it works. If it doesn't, it won't matter what it is called.

I will have to be fast. I will have to be nimble. I will have to be brave. Throw in cute and adorable too. I will have to be all of those things to be successful at what is coming. I can do it. *thumbs up*


((Positive thinking near tentacles and bat wings with those tiny little hands. Listen to me all of you genetic manipulators out there. That is NOT a challenge. Bats would not look “cool” with tentacles! That would be ick if one flew by and decided to tentacle the top of your head to get a “bug” that was sitting there. Haven’t you heard of the phrase, “blind as a bat”? The world’s collection of baseball caps would disappear into the whenever bats hang out. You would just hear a “yoink” and your favorite ball cap would disappear into the night. Save a ball cap don’t tentacle bats.))

[Catherine]

It was simple really to do one thing followed by another and hope the first thing lets me do the second thing. If not well I will have to switch over to plan b, which I didn't have planned and it would entail me taking my clothes off and changing into a brontosaurus and doing a suplex on silhouette. Which I wasn't looking forward into doing for any number of reasons.

One being, I would have to remove my clothes which yeah no. It is cold, people are watching and smartphones. Don't need the rumor to start going around saying I am an exhibitionist. I do like showing how to do things, like how to drink a banana milkshake correctly. Have I told you that they are really good? What? I have, okay well they are really good. Banana gold and if you drink them correctly it adds to the experience. I have heard, from myself, that banana shakes have stopped wars and after drinking one people have become enlightened and discovered things like gravity, light and doorstops. Without the power of the banana milkshake none of those would have been discovered, well that is what I am telling myself. If you like I can show you later, all that is required us for you to bring your own banana milkshake and bendy straw, no sharesies.

The second is the brontosaurus thing. I can just picture people pointing and saying I gained weight. Like tons, but a girl doesn't need that in the apocalypse since there are other things she would be thinking about. She shouldn't have to worry of her big bottom is making her bottom look big. That and brontosauruses are extinct supposably. Would people question my existence if I turned into one? Also what if chose to be a green brontosaurus and that is the wrong color? What is they are tan, brown or even plaid! Would scientists appear out of nowhere telling me I am inaccurately representing the brontosaurus? Kids everywhere thinking brontosauruses are only green while actually they aren't. Society could crumble! Probably not but still. That and I don't think brontosauruses can jump. Not sure why they would really. They are really big so if they came up to stairs they would just step over all of them. Anything else they could flatten with their feet and if are jumping up snd down to look over something, um look at their neck. Just saying. Finally on the brontosaurus, jump ropes and hopscotch weren't invented until after them. Why would they have jump for? Yeah I know raptors, eek their running around my feet get them off get them off. Since they are devote vegetarians, they can't just reach down and gobble them up so all they would be able to do is jump, also stomp and don't forget the tail. Never forget about the tail.

Oh and brontosauruses don't like to suplex. You have to trust me there. I am not sure why though and if you run into one, which might be hard, could you ask it and let me know.

So back to plan a and just push plan b off to the side. I have seen part of it done in the movies, alway done by people with pointy ears. I thought you might like this. The whole game would be different if monkey was in middle earth I think.


Which is the only thing working against me, the lack of pointy ears. I can simulate them with my hands, which I have done once and it fooled the elves that were supposably escorting a group of people. One of which was my twin sister and her boyfriend. I WACHAA'd an elf and took its cloak, which strangely smelled of evergreens and cookies, put it on and pulled  the hood of the cloak up and stuck my hands up to either side of my head and blended in.   Again they said they were 'escorting' the group but I have my suspensions. The one elf looked funny and not in a haha way. We walked a lot and eventually made our way up into the mountains, after a while I got bored and it looked like the group could handle itself  so I left. Did some adventuring, battled a what was is again? A bull frog, a bow wow or something like that. I remember the fire around its head and how I tried to look for a fire extinguisher, the poor thing had to be in pain. The whole time we fought I kept yelling 'stop, drop and roll' to it but it never listened. It even roared at me when I tried to smother the flames with a blanket, just no respect for those trying to help. Then there was this big eye thingie, which like the bowwow, it had flames all around it. That was just creepy and an obvious major case of eye irritation, no matter where I went the eye followed and it was bloodshot too! I told it to stop and respect others privacy but it didn't listen, so I poked it with a finger. Which it didn't like so the flames around it grew and and it growled. Which I responded with something proper, sticking my tongue out at it and just leaving. Phpt *dismissive wave* one something to bowl the rest or something like that. I forgot to bring my bowling shoes and looking around at things, who knows what I would have caught if I tried on a pair there. Ick.

Oops where was I, oh yeah the pointy ears. I always remembered that the people with pointy ears did this. They would say some words and raise an eyebrow then sneak up behind someone and pinch their shoulder. The receiver of the pinching would just pass out. There was a few items that they did it looking at the person too.  I always wondered why the other people would let them. It was common knowledge that if you have pointy ears you could do this. I would think they would be watched when they started lifting their hands.

'hey what are you doing with that?'

'I have to scratch my nose.'

'Uh huh, that is what the last one with angular ears said. I felt a pinch then I woke up hours later with the word illogical written all over me. Put it down.'

'But I have to scratch my nose.'

'Don't care, this is a warning if you don't drop your hand I will set this to crispy and zap you.'

The tricky part will be the ears and possibly the raising of the one eye brow, since those look like an important part of the technique. No time to simulate the ears with anything else too.  But if it worked  part two of plan a will be possible. It is worth a try. I take a deep breath and start the technique which I can't state the name since it might be copyrighted, but if it works I will call it..... Ninja one shoulder shiatsu pressure point squeeze that will make you pass out technique. Okay I need to work on that.

Time to start it up, "Illogical."

((I would think of something witty with the date and the whole Roddenberry thing but can’t so until next week.))

[Catherine]

I could feel something close to electricity start to run through my body moments after stating the focusing word. The tiny hairs all over my body started to stand up, which made me feel warm and fuzzy all over and for a brief moment I had a fear of falling against a strip of Velcro and becoming stuck. If I remembered correctly there was none around so whew. That would be a little embarrassing to say the least and would hurt a lot when it was ripped off. How hurt a lot? There would be screaming which I guarantee everyone would hear and crying followed by rocking back and forth and then maybe the sucking of a thumb. The last part is iffy though, a worse case scenario.

My body felt like it was a live wire and for a moment I wondered if I was glowing. Which would be kind of cool come to think about it. I would be like those people on serpent orb V minus all the screaming. I wonder if my hair is becoming blonde like theirs does. Will it look fake or dyed? Not looking down at my hands I imagine little lightening bolts dancing over my body. With a smile, lifting a hand and extending one finger then ZAP! A lightening bolt arcing from me to silhouette. It's skeleton glowing as it jerks around.

*dance of the static zapped ninja technique*

That would be so cool, I would definitely tell silhouette I would be filming that with my phone. Maybe tape it to the the staff of whapping and take a selfie as I zap silhouette over my shoulder so I can get us both in the same shot. It would get a bazillion likes and would be tweeted with one hundred forty characters over and over. Maybe one tweet would be 'look at the it in the background, mad dance moves!', yeah I know not a hundred and forty characters but I am imagining to. But none of that was happening, no glowing or dancing lightening all over the body just the power.

Somewhere close a gun fired off or popped a balloon and that was the sign we were waiting for. In a rush of action tentacles shot out of silhouette and raced toward me. There was no way I could dodge of them, okay there was so I did. Dancing to the side the tentacles followed me, shattering the ground and air where I was moments before. In mid jump one caught me and tried to throw me to the ground.

This is going to hurt, I told myself as I flew towards the ground. Seconds away from eating concrete I origami'd myself into a ball around the staff and began to spin. Balls beat concrete in RPS the alt rules which includes; concrete, balls, handiwipes, a glass half full or half empty and stuffed unicorn. So hitting the ground I bounced a little and took of spinning, tentacles grabbing at me from all directions. They thought they had me but would get whapped away by the spinning staff.

Across the parking lot I spun, tentacles everywhere I went and some lingered where I didn't go. Maybe to make sure I wasn't going to go there? Who knows,  since I wasn't going over there I wasn't going to ask. If I wasn't spinning, I would say that tentacles were erupting from everywhere. But since I was spinning they were still erupting from everywhere.

I didn't let anything stop me, especially not gravity as I shot up the sides of walls and spun down the length of one. As I reached the end a black wall shot put  from silhouette's direction and I eeped, "Wing!"

Quickly I unorigami'd myself and hopped above the wing, both hands firmly  planted on the top as i was carried up, pausing for just long enough for the sun to shine behind me with a little bit of a lens flare before spinning around and springing off the back of the wing with both feet.

Back I flew, bending as I arced towards the ground. Suddenly there was a wall of tentacles in front of me.  Let's do a calculation real fast, monkey girl who is cute and adorable, just saying plus extreme rate of speed minus wall of tentacles equals ow and more ow. Okay I don't like the answer that I got so time to add a new variable. Quickly I shove the staff out and front of me and down, it's tip catches a crack and up I go. Arcing above the wall of tentacles and over.

Quickly I land on my feet and take off running, dodging left and right. Diving over and under and even dropping down to all fours to go all limbo style as silhouette's other wing slices as me. SWISH! Swing and miss. I didn't waste Silhouette's effort though, spinning up and over to land on the top of the wing before springing off. BOING!

There it was,  my goal, and I was flying towards it and I was like they showed in the movies. In a blink of an eye I handed the staff of whapping back to my tail, since I will need to use it in step two. The next part was tricky, quickly I through my hands up next to my head, hopefully they would be good for the ear part of the technique. Also I hope they didn't effect my flight path too, if they did I am in trouble. I might go over shooting silhouette and swerve into a tree or something or.... The other thing, I don't want to even imagine that but Ick too late. That better not happen, just no. I don't want that at all. No... No... No... Putting my foot down on that. Well if I could put it down in mid air that is.

Next I raised the eyebrow and I spoke the word again, "Illogical." Time stopped for like a second before catching up. Target closing in mam. Roger that. Opening mouth and....

*Ninja art of the mouth shiatsu that I will regret later*

CHOMP!

((You know it is a fight when there is biting involved. Anything else is just throwing fists and kicks. Remember to visit your dentist regularly if you are planning to join a fight club. Don’t want to go into a nom attack and lose a tooth.))

[Catherine]

I latched on to silhouette's  shoulder and squeezed hoping that I had done everything correctly in this technique, which I think I will call it 'the ninja art of the shoulder squeeze technique regrettably applied by mouth'. It is a technique that I plan to only use once ever and that is even if works. The whole regrettably part is regrettable and is the deal breaker on this technique being used more than once. That whole part will have to be removed if I ever do it again, maybe I could try imaginary pointy ears and see if that's works.

*Imaginary smack to face*

Why didn't I think of that earlier. Before the whole, well shoulder massage with teeth. I don't know where silhouette's shoulder has been, it might leaning against strange things or something, okay I do know where it was once. Inside a rock at the bottom of the harbor, where the fish poop goes. It better have taken a shower or ick. That thought alone makes me tense up for just a moment, but all I am tasting now is void and well fish. But I am in a fishing village so maybe everything tastes like fish. 

"How is that burger Bob?"

"Pretty good Jim, it tastes like fish."

"How is the fries then?"'

"Crispy and they taste like fish."

"How about this something or another Bob?"

"Ah you are trying to get me with that one Jim. That isn't eatable, but it tastes like fish."

Any moment now I expect silhouette to start jerking around, trying to get me off but it doesn't. It just sits there and unless it likes being teeth massaged that means one of two things. One being it is in shock and denial that I would teeth massage it on its shoulder. Then number two, that the technique worked! I am not picky and would go with either really as long as silhouette stood there. The only way to test it is to go to step two, *imaginary fingers crossed* time to see I guess since I don't plan to sit here all day.

Quickly I brought my feet up and under me pressing them against silhouette's back. One....two....three and with a push I push myself up and away as my tail slipped the staff of whapping into my hand, still no movement from silhouette, and started to spin in mid air.

Faster and faster I went, creating a little vacuum on one side and a sort of a blower effect on the other which accidentally sucked in a bird that was flying by and shot it way over there. "Sorry...."

I could feel the pressure building as the air streaked past me. Any moment noe I told myself as my body started to shake. Can I do it? I got my answer a moment later when a loud boom erupted from me. No I didn't explode or accidentally let out a high speed phpt either. But I did do one thing, broke the sound barrier!

They said it couldn't happen, nothing cute and adorable could break the sound barrier it wasn't possible. All of the equations they did, said it wasn't possible.

Cute plus adorable carry the tail and add the square root of pie, which I love by the way. My favorite is banana creme and well sometimes I forget about the silverware, a smile is made bigger when it is covered in whip cream. The solution is almost but you aren't going to break the sound barrier unless you fly or get shot out of a cannon or fall from outer space.

But I got the sonic boom, so it was time for step two. Out came the staff of whapping and with all the speed of a speeding ninja girl it came down, came down hard right onto the top of silhouette's head.

BOOM! EARTH SHAKING KRAKBOOM! OH AND CLOUD PARTING BOOM!

I could feel the staff hitting silhouette's head all the way up my arms and in every fiber of my body, rattling my teeth and my tail's teeth. This us going to hurt in the morning a couple week from now, I told myself.

DELAYED BOOM!

The ground cracked under silhouette's feet, the staff bending a little under the great force, as it sank into the ground and I could feel an explosion of force exploding outwards buffeting everything.

KRAKABOOM!!!!

I could hear the staff creaking and not in a scary door sort of way  as an explosion dust, dirt, small animals and other things flew up into the air in a cloud of all of that stuff. Obscuring anything and everything.

BOOM!

((Quite a use of sound effects in this one. Sounds effects can wear a person out. So until next time, KRAKABOOM!!!))

[Catherine]

Slowly the camera swirls around the scene, monkey girl against something with bat wings and tentacles. The onlookers watching as one blow after another happens. Some start to move when the girl looks like she is getting the stuffing squeezed it of her but stop when puts the stuffing back in and continues to fight.

The camera  catches their faces moving, following monkey as she races around the parking lot evading the tentacles and wings. One, a gilly, jumps up to join the fight but a swift hand appears in front of his face telling him to stop. He looks up to the dark haired rocker who the hand belongs to and sees her slowly shake her head. He says something and she responds but both are. lost in everything that is happening. The camera zooms in for a brief moment to the gilly's face to capture the look of regret on it  as he taps a finger against his cigar, cinders falling before being caught in the wind.

When the camera focuses back on the moment at hand, everyone can see monkey is still dodging the tentacles and in the blink of an eye is up on a wing. As she dismounts  there is a flurry of motion up in the sky above the parking lot and camera swings up to see what it is just in case the thing with tentacles and wings had pulled something from the sky to land on top of the monkey girl's head. Which she wouldn't like by the way. Nothing is falling though, just an angel throwing up a score card of ten, which we are pretty sure cancels out the one judge who has been voting poorly the whole time.

Back to the action the camera zips in just the nick of time as the monkey girl bites down on the things neck. The sound of a nixie barfing is barely caught on the microphones but the camera never leaves the confrontation between tentacle and tail. Really do you want to see a nixie barf? Not a pleasant sight but the microphones catch the gentlemen being a gentlemen and helping her.

Up spins the monkey girl, spinning so fast the camera  can only catch a blur. Then suddenly everything slows down as the monkey girl brings her staff down onto the other fighter's head in a hit that rocks the camera side to side.

A cloud of dust and other things explodes outwards from the two fighters in a burst of energy. The watchers covering their eyes to protect themselves, because you know once you get some dust in your eyes it is hard to get out and there is tons of dust flying about. Even the tumbleweed can be seen practicing proper safety when puts on a pair of safety googles. Unfortunately the camera catches a glimpse of what a monk wears under his robes as they fly up for just a second. Which is long enough really,  I mean who knew. Hopefully it can be censored or edited out.

When the dust and debris finally settles a broken mass of tentacles and wings can be seen laying there. The camera pans looking for monkey, but all it catches is a girl walking out with chains. Binding the tentacles and wings before whistling for someone, out runs another girl, this one with long dark hair, to join her.

The watchers stand there watching as the girls drag the wings and tentacles off knowing what is going to happen. The camera follows the girls for a moment as they drag the bound figure to the harbor, then spins back to  the watchers. One after another each bow their head in remembrance of what they just watched. The lone monkey girl fighting against something with a lot of tentacles. How even knocked down she would get back up and continue to fight.

The camera catches a moment of silence as it slowly spins around the group before each starts to leave quietly. Leaving only the monk standing there. The camera focuses on him as he looks down at the parking lot and slowly up to the sky, a lone tear rolling down his cheek. Slowly he wipes his face and sniffs, maybe because he forgot his antihistamines in other robes or because hey this a touching scene..

The screen starts to go black as he turns to walk away. 

((And fade to black, that is what you do at the end right? ))

[Catherine]

The screen stays black for a very long moment, since that is what happens at the end of a story. The screen goes black and credits roll or something similar, everyone knows that duh.

But a little circle appears in the middle of a blackness and starts to grow revealing the banana milkshake sitting there with a bent straw in the parking lot, forgotten by the watchers maybe but who knows. But the light catches it just right making it look wow.

A dusty hand comes down and picks it up, leaving the camera to focus on the parking lot.

SLURP!

"Mmmm..... Banana gold."

((And that is the official end of the first story arc... Would you like to see more, drop a line in the Tales Of Monkey discussion thread started by Al Terego.))