Perverted Wishes

[Lanzlo]

Granted. Sci-Fi Channel is hosting a new season of Firefly... right after the cable company discontinues service to your area. And you're not in a good place to get satellite.

I wish I knew how to cook well.

[Brandon]

Granted but your great tasting food ends up giving everyone food poisoning

I wish could time travel

[Servant Girl]

Granted, but you can only go forwards at an equal rate to everyone else around you

I wish I could breakdance

[Bliss]

Granted, but when you dance you end up just breaking things, like your own bones.

I wish I had a swimming pool.

[Lanzlo]

Granted. It's a kiddie blow-up swimming pool, that you have to blow up yourself. And it leaks, both air and water. And you can't find out from where, but it's a substantial leak, so you have to refill it every ten minutes.

I wish I had some ice cream.

[Bliss]

Granted; you are in the bottom of a 5,000 gallon vat of ice cream.

I wish I had a glass of ice water.

[Brandon]

granted but the water is full of chemicals and other things from the local sewege plant

I wish I never had to mow my lawn again

[BK Geno]

Wish granted, your house burns down, and you are no longer required to mow your lawn, as you no longer have a home and are living under a bridge.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

[Bliss]

Granted. Unfortunately, now you don't have any wishes left to use.

I wish I had more rum in my coke.

[Ixy]

Granted.  But it's egg and mustard flavored rum.  A rare delicacy in... somewhere.

I wish my dog was a superhero, like Krypo the Superdog.

[Lanzlo]

Granted, only now he's radioactive, and has the runs. Remember, you still have to clean up after him in the city, and don't forget those leash laws; you have to hold on to the other end at all times.

I wish I had an issue of Superman #1.

[Brandon]

Granted but the paper shredder got to it first

I wish I could play proffesional basketball

[Bliss]

Granted; you can play in the WNBA if you get a sex change.

I wish I could win American Idol.

[BK Geno]

Wish granted, you are now loved by every hick in America, and the rest swear up and down the only reason you won was because you bribed the judges.

I wish I did not live in Houston, Texas.

[ladyelizabeth]

Wish granted, but you soon come to miss the city and realize that you only belong there, never to be welcomed back again.

i wish I didn't live in Indiana.

[BK Geno]

Wish granted; Indiana gets nuked, as the opening move in WW3, while you still live there. Now you don't live and never have to go back.

I wish Order of the Stick webcomic updated on time with relevant material.

[Ixy]

Granted.  It becomes a political comic-rag, updated hourly, full of cheeky double-entendres about Italian politicians and trends in 19th century medicine.  Oh, and it's published in Cantonese.  The artwork's gotten very repetitive and isn't the least be amusing on its own, but the material is fresh and relevant-- OH, so relevant-- to Dr. Xian Hu, a 44 year-old international policy scholar and historian in Hong Kong who, unfortunately, never discovers it.

I wish that every Wednesday at my office was Boxers-Lingerie-Toga day.

[Servant Girl]

Granted, however the only people who work at your office have terrible problems with body hair and body odour, and have no understanding of personal space.

I wish I had never answered this message

[Stevej101]

Granted, no one sees the post and keeps answering Ixy's wish.

I wish I could do the things I can do here in real life without reprisal.

[Servant Girl]

granted however they are also done to those you love and you know who did it but you can do nothing about it and the police dont care!

I wish I was prettier

[Brandon]

Granted, you become so beautiful that when people look upon you they are blinded. Soon you must become a pariah amoung the world

I wish I never had to upgrade my computer again to play games

[Lanzlo]

Granted. However, the only games you are allowed to play are old Atari 2600 games.

I wish for one night, no strings attached, with Nichole Kidman.

[Servant Girl]

dalm, I was going to say...granted you have seen my beauty and have become blind.  No more games for you hah!

Ok, granted you have one night with Nichole and no strings attatched.  However Nichole Kidman, in the interests of living forever has had her brain placed into a glass jar.  Her body has already been destroyed. You may communicate with her through a keyboard.  However its a chinese keyboard so unless you speak chinese you're going to have a boring night

I wish I had a million dollars

[Brandon]

Granted, your brought to the middle of the amazon and air dropped onto an ancient temple. Inside you find your million dollars but now you have to get back to civilization to spend it

I wish I wasnt regarded as an evil genius

[Lanzlo]

Granted. Now, you're just regarded as evil.

I wish for good luck.