Breakup with the person above you!

[Boatman]

Dearest Cat.

But what's all this standing in the bows with your arms outstretched pretending to be a bird?
I've told you about trying to catch albatrosses.

It is all over.

This plank has you name on it.

B

[MonroeCat]

Boat,

I'll never let you go Boat, I'll never let go.

....five seconds later......

Hmm, nah, I'm out, you can go screw the plank for all I care.

~Yourexlovercatwithclaws

[Boatman]

Cat,

Whilst I initially found your indecision utterly charming... It has begun to wear thin.
If you could just have resisted spending all day in the heads deciding which collar to wear then perhaps we could have had more fun.

Bye kitten.

[MonroeCat]

B,

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because I like the way it hurts, just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well that's alright because I love the way you lie, love the way you lie.
I can't stand the things you say about me anymore, my self esteem is practically non-existent, gone are the spiked stilettos, gone are the leather hot pants, all that remains are droopy whiskers and a broken soul.

~yourkitten

[MonroeCat]

Dear sweet boat,

just an after thought.

WEEEEEEEE, EEEE, ARE NEVER, EVER, EVER, GETTING BACK TOGETHER!

[Boatman]

Dear Cat,

I was just going to say that  I ... hold on a moment, did you say spiked stilettos?... and leather hot pants?
I don't care about your facial hair.
I've always said that.
But you really meant... leather hot pants?
Why didn't you say you had those streamlined curve hugging slippery babies ..[fans himself ]... on under the cat suit?

But... all tragically too late.

I went to pieces on getting your note.
So, farewell for ever, as I have accepted a duel with a man who never loses [obviously].

Boat

[Asher]

Mr. Boatman.

I don't like boats, so this is it. We are done, come back when you can fly.

-Asher

[Chasseybaby]

Asher,

Your so sercertive and never let me in. I feel as if you are hiding your true self from me. I'm sorry but this isn't working for me.

Chass

[Boatman]

Baby,

This obsession of yours with bathing in asses milk is getting too much for me.
The worst bit is waking up to the smell of yoghurt and being repeatedly ambushed by posses of cats.

Sorry... that sail on the horizon is mine.

Boat

[Chasseybaby]

Boat

The cat infestation was not my illy mess but your fishy scent. I knew you couldn't handle a wild cat like me... Bye

[Boatman]

Baby,

Sorry to hear you were -

illy

I've sent my sawbones over to see if you need anything cutting out. Maybe worth a try? He's bringing all your cats too.

I've been thinking, maybe I'll sail alone for a while.

Boat

[MonroeCat]

Boat,
Scratch that (literally), Jerk, is more suited here,

*strips off down to hot pants*

See what your missing?
I can't be with you like this anymore, I'm not a trophy, I'm a CAT.
You refuse to accept me for me, so focused on your bloody sailing career.
Shove you sail up your a**, and yes you do, your so shallow you don't care about me, just the way I look.

F U

~Tiger

[King Serperior]

Monroe, I am sorry, but the fact that said Pies were better than Cupcakes is NOT forgivable!  I ask that you take the next two days to pack up and move out.  Don't forget to pay your share of the rent before you go.

~ Cupcake Addict KS

[Asher]

So called King

How dare you tell someone else to pay rent when you, yourself don't pay! I will not share my bed with you any longer! Out! Out I say!

~ Asher

[MonroeCat]

A,

How dare you order me about in bed! I'm not a plaything!
Get out of my house, and near coke back!
~ Cat

[Asher]

Cat,

Maybe if you took charge for once. I wouldn't order you about. Leave, you were beginning to bother me anyway.

- Asher.

[MonroeCat]

Asher,

I broke up with you first.
Get A Life.
And stop eating cupcakes, they're disgusting.
You always smell like cupcakes.

~Cat

[Boatman]

Tiger (Cat really),

I knew it.
I thought we had the stuff well secured, but you sniffed it out didn’t you.
You gave yourself away by writhing around on the floor chasing your tail and shouting meow-wheeee along with obscenities.
That and the mood swings.

I’ve booked you into a catnip specialist clinic.

Bye.. for GOOD!. or even longer (whichever occurs soonest … terms and conditions apply etc)

Boat

PS I’ll just keep this pic of you in the hot pants..

[MonroeCat]

Boat,
I can't believe you think I'm on catnip. And for your information, I was only writhing because you asked me to.
You set me up to fail. I hate that you manipulate me, and as for your Helen theory.....
Forever isn't long enough for time between us to be apart. Life would be perfect if I never heard your viscous words that cut me so deeply again!
And I'll keep the picture of you sailing in less is more fashion.

~Cat

[cptBacon]

My sweet Cat,

Despite what I must say, I do so hope you know how much I've loved you. No, love you still. You're like an extension of myself, someone who completely completes me. I never thought I would meet someone so perfect as you. This is why it pains me when I say we can no longer be together. I cannot keep up with your unrelenting and insatiable libido. My body is worn and tired, my flesh is weak and sore. You're one for the ages, and I truly hope you can find someone to keep up with you. Good luck, and thanks for everything.

Painfully yours no more,
-cptBacon

[MonroeCat]

Bacon,

You said you loved me, that's enough reason to dump you, but on top of that, you refuse to share the bacon.
Good riddance love struck fool.

~Cat, miss Monroe to you.

[Boatman]

Dearest Cat,

They say opposites attract… but it turns out this was only in physics.
Yet, for a few exhilarating  weeks we were finally together.

I accepted you for your intellect and sharp wit and you put up with an old salt who has nothing left to lose. You’ll recall, I dressed as Indiana Jones and we went hunting for Cleopatra’s legendary leather hot pants.

Along the way, your patient diplomacy sorted out many of the world’s conflicts, whilst I simply blew those who wouldn’t listen out of the water.
We found the pants in the back room of a restaurant in Rome.
How we laughed.
And how sexy you looked wearing the mystical curve hugging garment.

But, from then on...At night, some ancient magic transformed you into an animal.
A beast!
A tantalisingly exotic sexy Egyptian Cat beast.
I loved it, apart from having to sneak out to casualty each morning to get the deep claw marks sutured. And as our love making became ever more intense, exciting and intoxicating. I felt it prudent to keep a blood transfusion handy.

Then, came the tragedy. I regained consciousness after a particularly vigorous night to find two parts of my anatomy had been accidentally clawed off. I immediately placed them in ice and rushed to hospital. But the surgeon just shook his head.

Now, your luscious curves don't drive me wild like they once did, for some reason.

So, I am sorry. I've decided to join a monastery.

Boat

[saphireMARIE]

Okay I am not going to lie to you this time,
Basically the problem is, you're a guy.
Don't actually know how you didn't notice but I am in to girls.

Sorry Bae,
You were amazing whilst it lasted.
Saphie </3

[King Serperior]

You know, I was fine with the first cat, I was fine with the second and third ones too, but when you come home with 10 more?  NO!  I cannot accept this!  I'm out!

~ KS

[saphireMARIE]

Dude,
I could look past the whole metal exterior.
But how did you manage to mix me up with your crazy cat lover?
I HATE CATS!
Ugh.
Good riddance.
Saphire.