Sarah Palin in Fallout New Vegas

Started by Neysha, June 01, 2013, 09:53:14 PM

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Neysha

#25

Not really...



Say no more. Governor Sarah Palin is reporting for duty!



Our contemporary Light Brigade forms up. It consists of Sarah Palin, the main character, Boone, a veteran 1st Recon Sharpshooter, ED-E, a lovable drone of death, some guy given the generic name of Sergeant Cooper and two un-named NCR troopers. We are now taking bets in who will die in the following away mission.



Into the valley of death rode (ran) the six...
[/url]

Note one of the un-named NCR troopers is leading the way.



That's not a good way to get a... leg up... on the competition. I guess he won't be... legging it out of here. I guess he won't be winning any foot races anytime soon.

Okay Boone, I'll stop sorry.




There's one more! REST IN PIECES!



Jesus is in the center. C'mon you didn't notice the layout?



Wait... you mean some people who liberate Nelson just kill these guys for shits and giggles instead of just untying them?



You were known as Dead Sea.



Now you're just Dead... see?





It appears he's shaking my hand... not trying to be witty here... just something nice I noticed.



As far as Operations Restore Hopes go, the current tally is Bill Clinton: Zero.... Sarah Palin: One.



This is the closest I'll ever get to being considered libertarian.



Vegas baby! It's so close I can almost drone strike it.


For those of you wondering, Sarah Palin has been pursuing the main quest this entire time... it just wasn't terribly interesting.



Soldier! How are you capable of talking and drinking at the same time?

Also his statement amuses me greatly. Peace at any cost!



This is a war of President Kimballs choosing. And he has taken our sons and daughters to fight this war and has neglected to even provide basic body armor for our kids serving in the Mojave. Why do our soldiers have to spend their devalued NCR military pay purchasing equipment they should already have? Why President Kimball? WHY?



Like the great Japanese philosopher Sun Tzu once said: The best defense is a strong offense and a swift boot to the ass.





Stars and garters Boone. If I wasn't married...



Hey yourself stranger.

Next up... With frikkin laser beams on their heads.
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Neysha

#26
Chapter 11: Dressing Down



I just met this lovely lady named Veronica. She's smart, witty, beautiful and a survivor just like me.



And despite her individualistic streak, she still knows her place as a provider for the family.



Oh no... not the Brotherhood of Steel. The stories I've heard about them.






Why thank you. I've had that effect on people ever since I entered politics.



Glad I could be of service.



Well other then the lasers beams on their heads... not really.




I'm always in need of a running mate.



What's more dangerous then one Grizzly? Two grizzlies.



I know exactly how you feel. Like your Brotherhood, I too am a Social Conservative.









I can almost see my reflection in this strong, young womans fiery yet feminine spirit and passion.



Oh no...  I just came from California. It's even worse there.



This proves Veronica is just like me. A real woman raised up properly on traditional family values.





What?!?

Oh hehehehe... I get it. Funny joke. I mean... whew...for a second I thought you were going all lesbian on me... Golly wouldn't that'd be something?


Next up... Vegas baby!
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Remiel

Love the concept.  Kind of reminds me a bit of Concerned, which was one of the funniest things I have ever read, bar none.

RedFangedWerehawk

Hahaha! Awesome! This is brilliant!

Neysha

#30
Chapter 12: New Vegas Stripped


Sarah Palin is about to complete the final leg of her journey to New Vegas, dutifully following the ancient Interstate that has long fallen into disrepair. With her new companion Veronica and her loyal strike drone ED-E accompanying her, the erstwhile Mama Grizzly will soon come face to face with the pinnacle of Mojave civilization.

But how will she react?



Some of the graffiti at least is amusing on the road to New Vegas. Plus sunny skies, a nice cool breeze coming off of Lake Mead, what's not to like?



Really? REALLY? Legion Assassins this far into NCR and Vegas territory! Well it's a good thing I'm on a trade route because...



There's yet another travelling merchant on the road not too far away... Now let us join battle on evenly numbered terms!



Veronica reveals she packs a mean right hook.




President Kimball and Mr. House have done an awful job of fighting crime. While traveling on the main road, within sight of Vegas' city walls, we stumble across a sacked caravan. We bury the ashes of the innocent, and strip the dead bandits of their combat armor. Now Veronica is looking stylish, especially with that lovely hat of hers.



Ringo is a good friend whom I saved in Goodsprings. He gave me a tip about Utah... I'm becoming rather intrigued about traveling up there and visiting New Canaan, see how my Mormon friends (who aren't true Christians) are doing.





We have entered Vegas through the North Gate through a district known as 'Freeside.' Needless to say I'm not impressed. Trash on the streets. Unattended children hunting down rats for food. Rampant drug use. Socialized utilities failing to deliver product to the locals. And of course... the endemic crime. Veronica can barely walk down the sidewalk without some thug trying to force himself upon her at knife point.




Then she punches them. And then they explode into flames. I cannot explain it beyond saying... Deus Vult.



Here's a hard working old timer that was helpfully giving me advice at the North Gate.



Now we have male whores? When did this happen? Outside of the Middle East I mean.



Oh a gated community! Finally something positive in this city.



Oh for Petes sake... you again? I'll meet your Boss when I'm good and ready.



Strike One against the Strip.



Lesbian debauchery in the streets with soldiers of the government?

Strike Two...






Rude customer service. That's strike three.





How am I, as a God fearing, gun wielding American citizen, supposed to kill your Boss without my AR-15?

Strike Four.




Yes. Yes... NO NEVER! GET SOME SOAP AND CLEAN YOUR MOUTH. What is with this land and all of its whoremongering?



WHAT? WHAT IN DARNATION DOES THAT EVEN MEAN MISTER? THAT'S IT! I'M TALKING TO THIS MR. HOUSE RIGHT NOW AND GIVING HIM A PEACE OF MY MIND!


Next up... Palin on the House.
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Oniya

Quote from: Neysha on June 10, 2013, 09:09:05 PM

WHAT? WHAT IN DARNATION DOES THAT EVEN MEAN MISTER? THAT'S IT! I'M TALKING TO THIS MR. HOUSE RIGHT NOW AND GIVING HIM A PEACE OF MY MIND!


I just had the surreal image of Sarah Palin talking to Dr. Gregory House.  I expect that would lead to a psychiatric diagnosis for all parties.
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
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Neysha

Quote from: Oniya on June 10, 2013, 09:15:12 PM
I just had the surreal image of Sarah Palin talking to Dr. Gregory House.  I expect that would lead to a psychiatric diagnosis for all parties.

Gregory House will need Securitrons to exist in order to deal with Sarah Palin.
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RedFangedWerehawk

New Vegas - Palin's personal hell.

Neysha

#34
Chapter 13: The House Always Wins



No. No I do not want to be entertained by you.



Again... did not need to hear that. Robo-whores... words fail me.





I have never seen a greater hive of scum and villainy.







There might be barbarism in the Wasteland, but it's no worse then what I see in Freeside or Gomorrah or Mayor Bloomberg's New York City.



I will not be one of your whores!



Oh you're talking about recovering that useless platinum chip. In that case... let's talk.



I got bills to pay.






I'm sorry. I'm not helping you further your debauchery Mr. House.



I'd like to see you try! This is the only casino that didn't try to strip me of my Constitutionally protected 2nd Amendment rights.




Sigh... fine... I'll take another look at the Strip. Maybe it was a bad first impression.



So far. So good. Why hello there Miss.



ARGH! I can't believe that woman just said that to me! The Strip clearly encourages rampant sexual deviancy!

And what's the deal with her hat?



I'm warning you buddy! And I will not abandon my principles for a few pieces of silver!



I'm sorry?



On... the House? Perhaps I should give Mr. House another chance.



It might seem like corruption but it's not. As an important politician, it's standard to have ones accommodations compensated for... I mean, it's not really for my benefit. But for the country that I am well taken care of and comfortable as I work on my constituents behalf. *coughs*

Next Up... From my cold dead hands!
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Neysha

Currently in the process of shifting a majority of the hosting to Imgur, as Photobucket is approaching it's bandwidth limit for the month... and it's only June 11th. So... yeah... we'll see what happens.

Should've blogged this out, but forums are so much funner.
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Neysha

Chapter 14: The Tops

Sarah Palin finally references the main storyline.



Unlike me, I know most Vice Presidents are media hungry and always looking for an opportunity to gain more power. It's the same in any organization not founded on Judeo-Christian values.









Burglarizing a hotel suite for petty personal and political purposes? Count me in!



Unlike that RINO Richard Nixon, I won't outsource my efforts to illegal immigrants.




Nothing here. Veronica, seriously... not the time or place. If you had to go, you should've gone downstairs.



Oh... that's... unsettling. Cover me... I don't trust that... thing. Might be Benny's robo-whore for all we know.




Wow you are friendly and forthcoming with information... wait... WHAT?




Urge to kill rising.



STOP TRYING TO DENY IT!



Vengeance is enough legal cover for homicide right?



You will say anything to spare your wicked life!



Uh...What? I mean... don't patronize me!



I'm going to enjoy this.



She opens up his carapace with the Liberator.



It proves inadequate. So she breaks out the super sledge for both increased effectiveness, and because it's more visually appealing to utilize.



Stop taking the Lords name in vain you Godless robot!




He confesses to his crime, but it is too late to save him.



And so, Yes Man perishes after paying the Iron Price.

Next up... Project for the New Californian Century.
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Oniya

The Yes Man dialogue is inspired.  I think I'd lose the game on that scene, just from laughing too hard to aim properly.
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
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Neysha

Quote from: Oniya on June 14, 2013, 01:24:53 PM
The Yes Man dialogue is inspired.  I think I'd lose the game on that scene, just from laughing too hard to aim properly.

Yeah it's pretty awesome.

Fallout New Vegas - Yes Man Best Clips & Unused Dialogue

Listening to the video however does grate ones nerves after awhile. :p
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Neysha

Chapter 14: The Tops



Oh he's a Christian business owner. How lovely!




Prepare to di-...Damn it... why do people keep using the inherent politicians weakness to vacation themed bribes against me!




He seems trustworthy. After all he's comping me!



What an amazing suite. Except for the floors, those stains are horrible!

Hmmmm I wonder where Benny is? He said he'd be meeting me here after he had a drink.


One dinner and an eight hour nap later...



Oh no! The elevator mysteriously doesn't work! How is Benny going to meet me now?



Fell for it? Fell for what?

...

Oh my gosh! It's a trap! He never meant to meet me here!






Okay Veronica. Let us prepare for battle! I wonder what Benny is sending to eliminate us. A group of seven foot tall mobsters armed with Tommy guns? A professional mercenary team in combat armor and toting laser rifles? Or maybe a reprogrammed Sentry Bot?



Or... four men armed with .22 silenced pistols and straight razors wearing off the rack business suits. I can't believe I equipped my Plasma Defender for this.



Veronica KO kills one of the mobsters with a patented right hook.



Pity he wasn't more... headstrong.





Now the floor has even more stains to clean up.



Oh thank goodness. The floors are filthy!





Wait a minute. This isn't housekeeping! Benny is that you!




Alerio Bin Laden has picked the wrong time to bother me!



Sarah Palin doesn't negotiate with terrorists.



Fedor Emelianenko must be jealous. Look at that limb removing ground and pound!



Like I give a hoot if the terrorists shun me.

Next up... Palinoconservatism
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Neysha

Chapter 15: Project for the New Californian Century



GAH! How are you still alive? I killed you... with a SLEDGEHAMMER! How come no one old me you could come back like this!



Yes Man quickly wins Sarah Palin over now that they've both failed to kill each other and thus are even in the revenge department.



I, Sarah Palin, can possess the power to shape the future of the Mojave? If only William Kristol and Robert Kagan could see me now.



Finally I won't be hampered by liberals who are weak on terrorism.



Fire artillery on anyone who comes close to their borders? This tribe sounds amazing. I must meet them immediately. Maybe they can help secure our borders!
[/url]



San Franciscans made it this far East eh? I'll handle that problem when the time comes.



I stopped listening when you mentioned the word 'downside.' A heavily armed private militia of dogmatic, ex-military, social conservatives storing weapons and supplies in bunkers and hiding from the government cannot have a downside.



Sarah Palin apparently thinks leaving the robot who is programmed to be nice to anyone who talks to him in front of the Tops Casino in the middle of the Vegas Strip to not be a problem. Oh well, moving right along.



Sarah Palin is finally invited to the halls of political power.





Yes we must not give into the terrorists Ambassador.



Am I ever!




Started off as a local Mayor? Me too! This Ambassador Crocker seems like a good man. But while he's content with being Ambassador, I still have greater ambition.



The obligatory whore reference of this chapter.



<Insert indignant Sarah Palin comment about prostitution and homosexuality here>



>:(



Burglarizing hotel rooms is becoming a bad, but beneficial, habit of mine.





That's much better now isn't it?

Wait... what plan are we stopping again and why?


Next up... Ignorant Failure
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Chapter 16: Gun Rights, a National Concern



I get this strange feeling the Omerta's don't want to talk. This is beginning to look like a trap, like that Katie Couric interview.







Legitimate gun store owners being forced to sell firearms to organized criminals? Clearly Eric Holder is behind this operation!



Sounds like the standard Obama Administration response to the issue.


Sarah Palin may die as she has lived.



:(

Why does everyone keep saying that?




That girly .22 pistol I got off Benny's assassins finally came in handy!



Veronica does what she does best. She's going to make some man a happy husband and father someday!



Oh... I don't know. I probably shouldn't. Gambling is sinful behavior.



Then again, maybe I can donate all of my winnings to my personal charity. The Sarah Palin House.

Too bad her House is currently deep in Legion territory.



Oh gee, I must be naturally talented at this!



Oooooo free steaks!



You do sound like my kind of man!



Yes. No more of this Omerta Fast & Furious business! You are free to operate your gun business free of bureaucratic and government meddling.



Oh you gave me a Pimp Boy 3000! How... uh... sweet... of you.



This Mama Grizzly is leading the hunt for terrorists and won't accept any cuts anywhere!





I love it when a wall pulls away to reveal a hidden chamber full of weapons like a Bond film.



We are going to get along just fine!

Next up... The War On Drugs & Poverty
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Neysha

Chapter 17: Deathwish



Sarah Palin has been recruited to help cure the addictions of two unfortunately educated white males. Needless to say, she agreed to do it.



Oh don't worry quest tracker... she'll take care of the drug dealer.




The 'intervention' begins as soon as the drug dealer is found.



Damn it Dixon. You shouldn't of said that.



I'm only going to ask you nice once...



Is that sarcasm buddy? I ain't no Saint...

Actually you are... Remember Chapter Six?



I'm a crusader!



Using the Liberator I got as a trophy off a Legion officer, I liberate the drug addicts from their evil dealer.



She also liberates Dixon's face from his skull.



Veronica is too busy cheerleading in the background to assist.



Sarah Palin takes on the John Wayne method of drug rehabiliation.



OMG it actually worked?



Typically when one does an intervention with someones addictive behavior, it involves a complex ambush style meeting where the addict is confronted by a group of his loved ones, friends and family who confront him over how his behavior has harmed both his life and that of others.

A Sarah Palin intervention involves her walking up to drug addicts and giving them a John Wayne style dressing down.



The other difference is that when Sarah Palin intervenes, it has a one hundred percent success rate.

Tom Cruise must be pissed right now.





The hard working people of North Vegas are an independent and strong willed community of entrepreneurs who have been suffering under the oppression of a bunch of welfare yearning squatters.



If there's one thing I can't stand, it's homeless people who are too lazy to work![/quote]



Ya got that right! It's nice to finally find a community organizer who isn't afraid to have the cahones to tackle illegal immigration.



Obligatory whore reference.

Next up: Enhanced Speech Check Techniques
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Neysha

Chapter 19: Guns, Girls and Steel



He was dumbtastic! Me is smarter!





Why is it so hard to believe I support alternative energies?


He's probably not referencing your ideology.



I know Veronica! The NCR is stupid. How can I back a corrupt government that sends its troops to die without even providing them body armor or basic training or has morons like Dumbtastic or that Hildern guy in charge of science, instead of a real scientician like Jonathan Wells or Ben Stein.

Ummmm Ben Stein isn't a... nevermind





You mean go visit your heavily armed family of xenophobic gun nuts who live in a high tech bunker hiding out from the government that is hunting them down and oppressing them due to their militant beliefs on gun rights and independence?



HELL YES! I thought you would never ask! You might call them family. I call them my base!



Other people? What about you Veronica? We need to find you a man to settle down with and marry. Things keep going on like this, people might start thinking you're a lesbian or something.




Two? I only counted one... wait a minute... you can't possibly mean...

Nevermind. Either way, I don't see Mr. House providing the stewardship that the Mojave needs.




I've always been looking for Hidden Valley and now I've finally found it. Your family must live in a magical place!



With the nimble balance of an experienced hurdler and athlete, Sarah Palin tightrope walks across the fence to enter the magical Hidden Valley.



Oh Lord... your family isn't a bunch of hippies is it?



Oh my gosh! This really is Hidden Valley! Hold the agave sauce. I've been dying for ranch dressing ever since the bombs dropped!




Wait where does he live? I thought you said he lives here...



Oh I get it now.

No she doesn't...



It's so nice to see the Brotherhood is welcoming Veronica back with open arms! And look at that armor. That alone makes Secret Service protection obsolete. Thank goodness.



Or maybe I'm detecting some latent hostility.





That was kind of cold... This family of hers doesn't seem very welcoming at all.



On the other hand... perhaps we can stay... if only for a while.


Next up... You want Boom Boom?
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#45
Chapter 20: The Pulse



I sympathize with you Veronica. The Elders of my organization have often abandoned me as well for my radical ideas.





I don't know Veronica. Sometimes gun hoarding is its own reward.




I agree. It's unfortunate that gun owners like us are becoming smaller and more concentrated in society. If everyone was more like us, the world would be a safer place.




And even better, they do so without government subsidies. I support private charitible organizations.





Like some sort of militant wing of the Salvation Army? I love it!




Oh dear GOD! Combover Boy somehow survived the Apocalypse... and is still an asshole!




From now on I'm interpreting all BoS bias against Veronica as being misogynist thanks to that previous encounter.



Typical spoiled and immature men. They just want to play in their VR simulators all day while you do all of the grocery shopping. Yeah I bet they're training. I've seen those VR simulations. They're just video games.



So Combover Boy wants to replace a war hero as leader? Well that doesn't surprise me in the least.






Real Housewives of Hidden Valley



A fair enough question...



Ohhhhh right.

...

...

So what is a Pulse Gun again?




Oh no, Sarah Palin just asked what Farming Technology is...



It has the word 'gun' in it so it must be worthwhile.



Nellis? Where these Boomers are? So it's an excuse to meet yet another group of isolated, xenophobic, socially conservative and heavily armed militants? Let us depart immediately!



People never said that to me until I came to the Mojave. It's super flattering.
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Chapter 20: You Want Boom Boom?



Don't worry. I won't move. I just speechless at how amazing your border security is. I wish our border patrol carried rocket launchers.



Oh great, here we go again. You can't enter unless you turn over your weapons and God and Founder given Second Amendment Rights.



.... Oh... whoa.... sorry... just blacked out for a moment there. Did I actually die in that artillery barrage and end up in Heaven?



Time to return to paradise.



"The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed!"



This sounds neat!



Heroes. Every one of them.



Obama should be taking some notes right now on how to properly secure the border.



I like it and if McCain was here too, I know he'd support this effort as well.



You did the right thing by leaving. These things always start off small, but end up with the seizure of all guns and disarming of the population.



Just to remind everyone that Sarah Palin does have a small science score.



What's a Geiger and what does that have to do with radiation?



And Pat Buchanan's wet dream.



Seeing our youth training to defend ourselves against the Chinese menace makes me proud to be an American.




Sarah Palin stopping liberal death panels one life at a time.



No need to thank me. I have a long history of reputable medical professionals supporting me.



I give the kid my best Howard Dean impression.




It's not hard to learn the truth about dinosaurs. After all they didn't die off all that long ago.



Oh no... this isn't going to end well. Sarah... don't... DON'T SAY IT!



I got some targets for ya.

Next up... Heartache by the Number
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#47
Chapter 21: Militant Matchmaker



I'm glad I could help refudiate that myth for you.



Something we need to know about you Sarah?



Oh fer cute!




No comment here. Just kind of a funny face he makes.



Hey even long distance relationships can blossom into something brimming with potential!



Christina Hendricks?



Don't worry. She's equipped with ballistics I'm sure.

Wow... those Japanese are weird.



That's right! He's a real good guy. A gun loving, hard working, blue collar, sweet and intelligent young engineer and a Young Republican!



Clearly being among her people has changed Sarah to some degree.



Oh good, because I'm a happily married woman, both to my husband and America.




<insert Gun and Sex Double Entendre here>



Always nice to see businesses being flexible when supporting young love.




D'awwwww... shucks.








Why couldn't Bristol meet a nice young man like Jack?



And why can't my son Track meet a nice young hardworking woman like Janet.



Womens quarters? That sounds like a good idea. Gotta leave enough room for the Holy Ghost between you two.

Veronica... where are you going?




Your welcome.




And you're welcome too! Well Veronica, whaddaya say we find you a man next? Veronica? Where did you go?

Next up... Plantsellers
My Request Thread
Ons & Offs/Role-Plays Current and Past
FemDex: Index of Fictional Women
F-List Profiles: Constance Carrington, Damashi, SCP6969
Prepare For The Next Eight Years
Find me on Discord at: mnblend6567
Credit for Avatar goes to "LoveandSqualor" on Deviant Art. (and Hayley Williams)

Funguy81


Neysha

Chapter 22: The Real American Idol





Ah yes, the privileges of citizenship in a polite and armed society. How I will miss them when I leave.



I usually don't loot the dead, but I must liberate you of your hat. It is just something I have to do to fit into my new, socially conservative, gun loving habitat.



Upon receiving the Boomer hat, Sarah Palin immediately starts shooting and killing things.



Even Veronica is compelled to join in the display of unneccessary firepower and brandishing guns.



Sarah Palin, the true American Idol.



Sorry but you lost me with that greater good nonsense. Sounds like blue blooded liberal talk.



Wow... that sounds magical. Almost too good to be true. But if it is true, we must bring this "bomber" as you call it, back to life.



Oh for Petes sake, I don't need, want or need those kind of implants!





What's that supposed to mean?



A government farm? I don't know if I should support it... argggghhhh...



The NCR military is engaged in the food growing business? And why are we not opening up our food to private businesses?




Wait? You've nationalized farming back home?



Anytime the government moves out of its narrow role in society, it's a bum deal buddy.





That's what happens with government run farms.



Yeah I met that OSI guy. He is dumb. Me is smarter. He not think me fix shiny juice maker!



Ho... Ho... Ho... The Boomers gave me an Assault Carbine! Not as nice as my Alaskan Hunter, but it's still nice enough. I was honored to accept it!



Ah yes, that's a fine, secure and safe checkpoint the NCR has erected at that intersection there.
My Request Thread
Ons & Offs/Role-Plays Current and Past
FemDex: Index of Fictional Women
F-List Profiles: Constance Carrington, Damashi, SCP6969
Prepare For The Next Eight Years
Find me on Discord at: mnblend6567
Credit for Avatar goes to "LoveandSqualor" on Deviant Art. (and Hayley Williams)