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The Workings of Xandi's Mind

Started by Autumn52, March 17, 2011, 07:10:02 PM

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Autumn52

Thanks guys for all the support.


July 4, 2011

I have been extremely busy over the past few weeks and will continue to be so. I miss the time off I had. *Pouts*

For the past few days I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of life. I have always considered myself a simple person, not wanting or needing much. Recently I think I have changed my mind. Let me explain. I use to say that all I needed was a good man and a place to lay my head and I would be happy. I don't believe that is true, at least for me, anymore.

I want it all. I want the good man and the home but I also want other things too. I want respect, love, companionship, trust, encouragement, and most of all I want to make a difference. I want to make a difference in my SO's life and in the world in general. I don't want to die and know that nothing in the world is better for my existence. I have tried over the years to make a difference in the lives of the people around me, and to some degree in the world, but until recently I didn't know how important that was to me. I look around at all the injustice and wonder why we just put up with it, why aren't we doing something about it, why are we just accepting it as part of life? I realize that I am only one person and one person can only do so much but I refuse to accept things as they are. I am determined to make a difference if only to one person at a time.

I have made a difference in some peoples lives over the years, I think, and for that I feel wonderful. But to tell you the truth it is never enough. There is always someone who needs something and as long as I live on this planet I will not be a taker I will be a giver. This is my promise to myself. I have seen far to many people in my life just take and never give back. I have experienced some amazing things and I feel privileged to have had some of the experiences I have had. I have made myself this promise, No matter my circumstance, no matter my station in life, no matter what others around me do, I WILL DO MY BEST TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE EACH AND EVERY DAY.

It feels good to know that I can make a difference but what feels even better is knowing that I am not letting the light inside myself get dim simply because injustice is all around me. I am not letting my soul become tainted simply because that is the easy road to take.

I don't want to sound as though I am tooting my own horn but it feels good to say these things aloud. To feel the impact they have on me. I am nothing but ordinary but I want to be extraordinary if to no one but me. *smiles*

Life is what you make of it and I intend to make my life have meaning. I intend to live each day as if it were my last, with no regrets.

Thank you all for allowing me to share my thoughts with you.

Hugs abound on this fourth of July.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

MasterMischief

May you find success in your endeavors.

Autumn52

May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Captain Maltese

If there is such a thing as personal aura, yours is filling the universe. Xandi, you are an unique and outstanding person. I am in awe.

Posting status:  25th December: Up To Date 5 of 9 : last month 2, this month 5, total 38 posts for 2023.

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Autumn52

*blushes*

That is so sweet. *hides from embarrassment*
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Terris Geolith

He grabs Xandi and kisses her blushes away.

"Well, he's right. You're always a sparkle in the sky that keeps the darkness at bay and we love you for it."
<a href="http://terrisgeolith.wordpress.com/"> The Darkness of Terris Geolith: A Blog of Sorts. Click and enter.  9/24/15 Updated: Five Months ago: Sharing </a>
"/I don't fit in this world but yet I exist. It's why I'm called the Desperado of Reality. I defy all logic of your world...and make my own." -Terris Geolith
The random thought for today: "Life is an echo. Keep the signal going.";
<a href="https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=34348.0"> Pleasure and Pains (O/O) </a>
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/nexusterris"> Nexus of Terris (A/A)

Autumn52

Awww thanks Terris.

*Hugs you back and continues to blush*
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

elone

You may not realize it, but I am one of those that you have impacted with your kindness and help. If there is anything to Karma you are way in the plus column. You do make a difference in peoples lives and I am sure you will continue to do so.

One reward from helping others is that it encourages those you help to do the same. Each time you fight an injustice or help someone, that good will is spread many times over by those you have helped. Thus, as an individual, you can make a large difference in this world.
In the end, all we have left are memories.

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Reversal of Fortune ~ The Hunt ~ Private Party Suites ~ A Learning Experience ~A Chance Encounter ~ A Bark in the Park ~
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Autumn52

Thank you so much elone. That means a lot to me, I am touched by your kindness. *Holds you tight in a warm embrace*
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

despickable

Xandi love you have so much love to give just remember to give some love to yourself. You are a great person and you have touched many people's lives man the amount of friends you have on E is testament to that. Give yourself a hug everyday dear Xandi.

Here's a couple of hugs from me.

“We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.” – George Carlin
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Autumn52

Collects all Des hugs and gives him some of my own. You are a sweetheart and I will treasure your friendship.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

MasterMischief

She touched me in my special place!   :P

Hugs Xandi.

Autumn52

Hugs MM


7-13-11
I was reminded of this piece that I wrote years ago. I thought this would be an appropriate place to share it. Life never ceases to amaze me. I hope you enjoy the read. Hugs to everyone.

Soul Searchers

An older man once told me, “(My Name), More than all else that is to be guarded, safeguard your heart, for out of it are the sources of life.” The man who told me that was a minister but it was the wisest advice anyone has ever given me, but it is also one of the hardest to follow. You see, “When the heart is desperate who can know it?”

When you are young you think nothing of putting your heart out there for another to hold, because you are carefree, you are not vested, you have not committed your heart to another fully.

I am middle aged and divorced but separated for years. The last 10 to 15 years of my marriage, that was when ‘my heart was desperate’?

I don’t want to lose another quarter century without sharing my heart with someone who shares my love of life and hope for the future.

Those who know me well, know I’m carefree and the eternal flirt. But also I feel deeply for those I consider my friends. Because of my age I am also the person people share their problems with. I often jokingly refer to myself as the family priest. Everyone comes to my office and I throw up the veil and they begin pouring out their hearts to me. I don’t mind though, sometimes all someone needs is another to listen, not necessarily to have any answers or to judge. It is flattering in a way they feel a confidence in me to keep their inner most thoughts safe within me. It is my gift I think.

That same old man also told me, “(My Name), there is no fear in love but perfect love throws fear outside. Because fear exercises a restraint. He that is under fear has not been made perfect in love.” I know this is from the bible but he was a minister and what he said makes sense.

You see a person who is afraid to put himself or herself out there for another to find is living in fear of finding love. You first have to know yourself, your faults, your strengths, you must know your own worth before anyone will invest in you. Once you get rid of the restraint, that is fear of allowing your walls of protection down and allow someone in your heart, only then will you find perfect love, true love.

So when you put those two pieces of advice together what do you have? If the sources of life come from the heart and you have to safeguard it? Where is the balance between safeguarding your heart and finding true love? The answer is different for everyone, but for me the answer is this:
I’ll keep peering into the souls of those who I meet and wait patiently to feel the eyes of another probing my soul and looking for me. You see people like me, a soul searcher, is always there for their friends, but somehow on the outskirts just helping and watching. Waiting for a sign that only another searcher would display in there heart, a sign that reads, “Here I am you don’t have to look anymore ‘I see you, I see into you.’” You see that is what we all long for; someone to see us, the real us. Until we find that person we search for him or her. I am a soul searcher. I have been gifted with the ability to help others by listening and sometimes counseling. But I am in search of that soul searcher who is looking for me. Once we find each other we will both be complete, no longer on the outskirts just observing. Once we find each other our lives will begin. For now I am still searching for him and he for me. We will find each other I have no doubt because he is my reward.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Captain Maltese

I agree with you Xandi; I find a deep resonance in this search for another searcher. I have spent years in unhappy marriage myself, and many years alone afterwards myself too without finding a real interest in anyone. Considering how many are looking for love, it seems strange that it is so hard to find. Perhaps our souls all sing in unique tunes, and what we are looking for is that one other song that matches our own perfectly - different, but in harmony. No wonder there are so many lonely hearts in the world.

Posting status:  25th December: Up To Date 5 of 9 : last month 2, this month 5, total 38 posts for 2023.

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Autumn52

Thank you all for reading my blog.


7-17-11

Yesterday was a strange day to say the least. This blog post won't be very long as I think I am still in shock. A good friend of mine died yesterday, she was 28 and one of the best people I have ever known. She will be missed greatly not only by me but by all the people whose lives she touched. May she rest in peace. I think where ever she is right now is a better place or perhaps she is beginning a new life in which she will impact more people. Whatever the case maybe I hope she is free and will be happy. Soaring among eagles would match her personality perfectly.

May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

despickable

Oh Xandi so sorry to hear of the loss of a friend please accept my sympathy and warm hugs to you I know how the loss of someone close feels and I am with you and my dear friend I hope you know that I always will be


“We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.” – George Carlin
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Autumn52

#166
Thank you Des. However another tragedy has occured.





I am sure by now the world has heard of the attacks on Norway yesterday. This has been foremost on my mind and I needed to write down what I was thinking.
The Day Norway Changed
July 22, 2011 a madman took the peace away from Norway. Oslo was hit by the worst attack since the Germany occupation. As an American citizen I am far away from this tragedy however I feel it as deeply as if I had a child in that camp. Events such as these make me remember my friends and cherished ones. Just as surely as 9-11 changed the face of America this bombing and shooting will change this little country called Norway. I have considered Norway a paradise for sometime. Crime is down, unemployment is almost nil, and the standard of living is high. The government cares for their own. No homeless. No shelters. Everyone is cared for. The sick can get medical attention and the disabled are seen to. A paradise from my American point of view. Yes Norway has its problems just like every other country but the good outweighs the bad by so much that it is a paradise. One man has changed the face of that little paradise in a matter of a few hours. He will be known. Pictures of him already flood the internet. His horrible act is flooding the news channels, he has become infamous and he will be remembered throughout history while his victims will be forgotten. The names of those victims will be forgotten in time, except by their personal family and friends. The island where those children lost their lives will become a graveyard. Not in the sense that their graves will be there but in the sense that anyone from this day forward who visits that island will be reminded of those children who lost their lives. In a sense it is a memorial to them.

Norway is such a beautiful country and it saddens me that such beauty is marred by a maniac who decided the best thing to do on a Friday was to kill children and injure countless others.  How does a person make sense of events like this one? As an American I have seen things like this in recent years. 9-11 and the Oklahoma City bombing as well as the Columbine shooting. How does one see justice served? Is there justice? Why would someone as privileged as this young man do something so horrible? Politics? These children on this Island ranged in age from 13 to 30 most of them being young teens. No names have been released as to the dead and injured. The entire country of Norway, and myself along with them, sit on pins and needles to know if a friend or loved one was among those killed or injured. How does someone take the life of someone so young? How does someone who calls himself Christian, murder? This man was from a privileged class and he took the lives of at least 91 children in the matter of a few hours. Those children wont grow up to enjoy that paradise that is Norway. How is that fair? I realize that life is not fair but that is suppose to be something you learn when you grow up. These children will never learn that. They will not grow up to be nurses and doctors, teachers and parents. They wont grow up to enjoy another summer or another winter. No more snowmen will be built by them and it makes me sad because they wont have a chance to grow up. I mourn the loss of innocence and the loss of life. I mourn for Norway and with Norway. I for my part will wear a rose in memory of those people in Norway. I will wear a rose or a red ribbon to show my sympathy and support for all Norwegians.

While I don’t pray. I do intend on doing a chant for all those who have suffered and for the country in general. A chant of safety and well being. If you are someone who prays please include Norway in your prayers. I’m not sure if I did the percentages correctly but this attack on Norway is comparable to the attacks on 9-11 in the United States. Norway has 5,000,000 population and 91 are reported dead as of July 23. The United States has a population of 312 million with the death toll on 9-11 being 3,500. When you compare country size and look at it that way it makes it all more real and helps you see how the country is devastated by these attacks. We, in America, can remember how it felt weeks even month and years after the attacks. So keep Norway in your thoughts and prayers. If you have a way, lend them your support. Even letters of sympathy I’m sure would be appreciated. If anyone has any idea of how to get a letter to Norway to show support and sympathy please post the information here.

To all my friends in Norway, you are in my thoughts. I am reminded today of all the tragedy that has happened in the last year. Australia was hit by devastating floods, the US is having droughts, some of which are the worst since the early 1900's. When the world is so upside down, times like these, I want my friends and family to know how much they mean to me.

I have said it before, I consider some of the people I have met here on E my family and friends. So to all of you who read this blog. To all of you who are my friends I just want to say, "You are never forgotten. You are in my mind and heart forever more. Thank you for being you." One good friend of mine has in his siggie this statement: "Yesterday is Canceled. Tomorrow may never arrive so do Today what you need to do." I might even add don't only do but say today what you need to say. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

As always thank you for reading my blog and Hugs and Kisses to you all. 
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

despickable

Our thoughts go out to all In Norway at this time the world is a crazy place at times but it is a small world something like this brings countries together and we pitch in to help and support one another. Our Prime Minister has already made plans to send help in whatever way we can to the people of Norway. It is a lovely country and it will change forever after this. It was considered a soft target due to its lack of security and belief they were of no threat to anyone. One man takes it upon himself to do something like this is a shock to everyone here and abroad.

Xandi you are not alone in your thoughts and prayers for the people of Norway and all my hopes and prayers are with the lovely nation and the people of Oslo.A rose is a lovely gesture I will try to find something similar to wear in memory of those poor families that have lost their children. Parents feeling grief need to know our hugs prayers love and thoughts are there for them and although it wont bring those little souls back we hope that it helps to ease their pain and begin the healing process

My thoughts go out to the Norwegians as do all us Aussies it is a reminder to all of us not to be complacent about protection of our most precious resources, our children

“We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.” – George Carlin
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Autumn52

An update on the wounded and death tolls:
As of July 24, 2011
92 deaths - 87 on the island of Utoya and 5 from the bombing
67 wounded Kids on the island
30 wounded from the bomb in the city of Oslo

More people are being investigated as being involved. Originally it was thought that this man, I refuse to use his name, acted alone. However now it is being investigated whether others were involved. There is an armed police action, which means their swat team, today in Norway and it is said that it is related to the attacks.

I wish the country of Norway and their leaders the best of luck in finding and punishing everyone who was involved.

If anyone would like to send a letter of sympathy to Norway I found this Link that can be used:

http://www.dagbladet.no/2011/07/23/nyheter/utoya/oslo/kondolanse/innenriks/17424489/

Scroll down and you will see this:

Navn/Name:
Alder/Age:
Bosted/Place of Living:
Hilsen/Your words:

Thanks and Hugs to everyone:
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

Please check my A/A thread for an explanation of my absence.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

 January 27, 2012
Well I have returned and boy have the last 6 months been a wild ride. First let me start by saying how much I missed you all. I checked in from time to time, lots of new faces and lots of people I am glad are still here. I left at the end of July for a variety of reasons but a lot of good things have happened since I was here last. I will start with the great news:
First, I am going back to school. *I can see all the shocked faces now* (LOL) its okay I was a little shocked too when I decided to go back.  I hadn’t updated my accounting and computer skills in a number of years and since I am not working at the moment I thought it was a good time. Microsoft 2010 has been fun to learn. I have used the other Microsoft Office suites but this one has been a lot more fun to learn probably because I am older. 

After I began school I have had several health issues. I don’t want to go into those but, to say the least, it has made school a little difficult. I finished my first semester with a 4.0GPA which I am very proud of and I was elected student council president. I am the oldest student at the school and I guess I have become quite good friends with several of the other students. The vice president of student council and I are besties, we have all of our classes together and we began at the same time. She is 28 and a wonderful woman who I am proud that I have had the privilege to get to know.

I have had some snow days in which I was actually snowed in, if you can believe that. Texas, at least the part where I live, doesn’t get snow like we have gotten this year. I have had some issues with tires and car problems because I drive 80 miles a day to and from school. *80 miles is round trip, 130 kilometers*
My writing has taken a strange turn, I write mostly business letters and papers now instead of roleplays. I have to admit that being on Elliquiy helped improve my writing a lot. I have gotten really good grades on my written papers. One paper I wrote was published in the school paper and it is now being used in a treatment center for abused women as a source of encouragement.

I don’t want to talk your heads off about my school days but funny thing is this; right before I took my hiatus I did a roleplay with Richardson about a Naughty Schoolgirl. *smiles and leaves things to your imagaination.*
I am so happy to be back and I have been enjoying just re-exploring E. It is almost like it is the first time again. So many new faces and so many things I have missed. It is good to be home.



Hugs and thanks for reading my life in blog format. *smiles*

May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

MasterMischief

Way to go on your school work!  I am also very glad you are making new friends.  They can really make life barable.

Autumn52

January 30, 2012

Another school day has arrived. Today its all mathematics. Advanced accounting and business math. I love math, no really I do. Have a great day everyone.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

MasterMischief


Autumn52

Yay my first Llama cuddles since I been back. Thank you MM. *smiles*

January 31, 2012

Yesterday was a pretty shitty day for starters. I had a huge disagreement with an instructor and while we settled things it seemed to make the day very difficult. I am determined to have a wonderful day today. *cross your fingers for me please*

Today is all computer stuff. I have advanced Excel and Word. I also have a class called Office Proficiency which is an OK class. Two of those classes are taught by the teacher I had the disagreement with. I am listening to Andrea Bocelli  to set the mood for the day. How can you listen to that man without smiling. So wish me luck today.

Thanks for reading and hugs to all.

Oh yeah I am actually going to attempt some writing for the cafe today, guess I will see how that goes.

Wonderful day to all.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish