Groan-worthy

[Paradox]

Ideally, this thread will be a repository for all of those clever bits of word play that make you chuckle and cringe at their corniness and that same time.




The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.


I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.


She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.


A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.


The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.


No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.


A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.


A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.


Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.


Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'


I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.


A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'


A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'


A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


It's not that the eunuch did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.


The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.


The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.


A backward poet writes inverse.


In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.


When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.


Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!


I have electile dysfunction this year; none of the candidates arouse me.

[Inkidu]

Please state your name and occupation for the court.

My name is Sparks I'm an electrician.

You have been charged with assault and battery. How do you plead?

Guilty.

Lock him in a dry cell.

[Bliss]

Para, I'd change one of the ones you posted to the following:

It's not that the eunuch did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

XD

[Paradox]

Hahaha yes, that is definitely a marked improvement over the original.

[Huntress]

sugar and snapple pie, oh my!
How about this:

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple were newlyweds.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT?" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can, and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."