Religions of the World: In la Nutshell

Started by Inkidu, October 01, 2008, 05:05:02 PM

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Inkidu

Fair warning. If you are easily offended by the word shit. You've been warned. Oh and if you have some religious qualms don't keep reading.
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Last chance
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Serious

The universal understanding of religion: Shit happens.

Catholicism: Shit happens and it's all my fault.

Judaism: Why does this shit happen to me

Daoism (Taoism): What is the sound of shit happening

Paganism: Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes, yes he does.

Buddhism: Clear your mind of all the shit happening.

Islam: Shit happens and Muhammad is its profit.

Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens."

Hinduism: Shit happens, over, and over, and over...

Agnosticism: Shit may or may not be happening

Atheism: Shit doesn't happen!

Shintoism: Shit happens in the sky and the grass and the water.

Rastafarian: We smoke dat shit!

And my personal favorite.

Jehovah's Witness: Knock, knock shit happens.

Oh and because it's an official religion in Australia, and unofficial in most other parts of the world.

The Belief in the Force (Work on that guys): Shit happens around us, and perpetrates us, surrounds us and moves us.     
If you're searching the lines for a point, well you've probably missed it; there was never anything there in the first place.

mwilson

as a little note, Jedi is now also a recognised religion in the UK as well since the last census was conducted around 2001 mainly due to the student population putting Jedi on the form  ;D

Wistful Dream

Well that's a simplistic way of looking at it.....

Inkidu

Quote from: mwilson on October 01, 2008, 05:13:27 PM
as a little note, Jedi is now also a recognised religion in the UK as well since the last census was conducted around 2001 mainly due to the student population putting Jedi on the form  ;D
No joke my dad put Worshiper of Gambabu the Himalayan Frog God because he couldn't just skip the religion field. And then some center asked him a week or so later if he'd like to rent out a room for his religious practices.
If you're searching the lines for a point, well you've probably missed it; there was never anything there in the first place.

Inkidu

Quote from: Wistful Dream on October 01, 2008, 05:28:24 PM
Well that's a simplistic way of looking at it.....
Yes dear that's what the phrase, "In a nutshell." kinda sorta means. :D
If you're searching the lines for a point, well you've probably missed it; there was never anything there in the first place.

Wistful Dream

Quote from: Inkidu on October 01, 2008, 05:30:20 PM
Yes dear that's what the phrase, "In a nutshell." kinda sorta means. :D

Well I couldn't think of what else to say to comment....give the girl with a migraine some slack >.< Lol jk, funny though.

ShrowdedPoet

Kiss the hand that beats you.
Sexuality isn't a curse, it's a gift to embrace and explore!
Ons and Offs


Inkidu

If you're searching the lines for a point, well you've probably missed it; there was never anything there in the first place.

ShrowdedPoet

Kiss the hand that beats you.
Sexuality isn't a curse, it's a gift to embrace and explore!
Ons and Offs


Oniya

Paganism would make it go on for a couple more screenfuls.

Dianic Wiccan: Shit happens because of men!
Erisian: Kumquat xenophile fnord.  Have an apple?
Asatru: Let's beat the shit out of someone!
Enochian: The angels gave me a tablet that says shit happens.

Not to be confused with:

Mormonism: The angels gave me a tablet that says shit happens - but only I can read it, so I buried it.

"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

ShrowdedPoet

Kiss the hand that beats you.
Sexuality isn't a curse, it's a gift to embrace and explore!
Ons and Offs


Inkidu

If you're searching the lines for a point, well you've probably missed it; there was never anything there in the first place.

Mathim

How the hell could you have forgotten the best one of all? This was from a t-shirt with most of these sayings on there:

Rastafarianism: We smoke the shit.
Considering a permanent retirement from Elliquiy, but you can find me on Blue Moon (under the same username).

Inkidu

Quote from: Mathim on October 02, 2008, 01:28:06 PM
How the hell could you have forgotten the best one of all? This was from a t-shirt with most of these sayings on there:

Rastafarianism: We smoke the shit.
You're right I did!
If you're searching the lines for a point, well you've probably missed it; there was never anything there in the first place.

The Overlord

Quote from: Inkidu on October 01, 2008, 05:05:02 PM

Islam: Shit happens and Muhammad is its profit.
   

Profit? Typo or clever homonym?


The Overlord

Quote from: mwilson on October 01, 2008, 05:13:27 PM
as a little note, Jedi is now also a recognised religion in the UK as well since the last census was conducted around 2001 mainly due to the student population putting Jedi on the form  ;D

And Sith as well if I have heard correctly?

The Sith philosophy then-


"Peace is a lie, there is only shit.
Through shit, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Shit shall free me."



Sith happens.  :D

HairyHeretic

Quote from: Oniya on October 02, 2008, 12:11:09 PM
Asatru: Let's beat the shit out of someone!

Nah :)

This is wyrd shit, pass the mead  ;)
Hairys Likes, Dislikes, Games n Stuff

Cattle die, kinsmen die
You too one day shall die
I know a thing that will never die
Fair fame of one who has earned it.

Oniya

"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

HairyHeretic

Hairys Likes, Dislikes, Games n Stuff

Cattle die, kinsmen die
You too one day shall die
I know a thing that will never die
Fair fame of one who has earned it.

Oniya

*nods*  Knew that - I was just going for something involving the blue body paint.
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

HairyHeretic

Hairys Likes, Dislikes, Games n Stuff

Cattle die, kinsmen die
You too one day shall die
I know a thing that will never die
Fair fame of one who has earned it.

Cecilia

No Flying Spaghetti Monster?  I think pastafarians everywhere should be enraged by being left out!


Oniya

Pastafarians - This shit needs more tomato sauce/garlic/Parmesan   ???
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

Kiara

what about scientology?

Shit happens here and in outerspace?

Oniya

Quote from: Kiara on October 04, 2008, 03:05:34 PM
what about scientology?

Shit happens here and in outerspace?

If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17