Perverted Wishes

[Servant Girl]

Sure you have PS3.  Its a strange, newly discovered disease.  Embarrassing, painful and I'm afraid terminal.

I wish I wasn't so tired!

[BK Geno]

Granted, you get three broken Play Stations from Ebay.

I wish that I already had graduated with my BA degree from my college.

[Stevej101]

Granted, you have a BA in underwater basket weaving, the only place that will hire you with that is second shift assistant manager at WalMart.

I wish that occasionally things could go from bad to better for a change.

[Servant Girl]

Granted, they go from bad to better.... and then from better to catastrophically horrendous.

I wish I wasn't so tired

[Lanzlo]

OK, multiple wish fulfillment here!

I wish that my two brain cells could ocassionally grasp a thought together.

Granted! However, the only thought you can grasp is the ecology of the dung beetle.

I wish I wasn't so tired

Granted! Your metabolism speeds up so that you never feel tired! Unfortunately, due to your increased metabolism, you have to eat constantly, and you die two days later of old age.

I wish I could cast magic; true, fantastic, Gandolf-style magic, not the stage illusions most people think of, and not the card game.

[Servant Girl]

Granted you can!  However as a byproduct of your first spell you are whisked away to medieval England where you are immediately arrested and executed as a witch before you magical powers can recover.

I wish that only good things could happen to me.

[Cherri Tart]

granted.  Nothing ever happens to you, good or bad, and you live a long and boring life.

I wish i could play guitar and be in a rock band.

[Lanzlo]

Granted. You are whisked away to prehistoric times, where you invent the first guitar. You're not very good, and the other cavemen haven't quite caught on to the concept of music yet, so they continually bang rocks together.

I wish to know the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything _TM.

[Servant Girl]

Granted, you know.  However its such a disappointment that you lose the power of rational thought.

I wish I had a turkey sandwich

[Zaer Darkwail]

Wish granted, but sadly turkey is quite still alive when it is put between two pieces of bread and so it runs away before you can capture it.

I wish to be sex toy to Jessica Alba.

[Servant Girl]

granted, you are transformed into a vibrator belonging to the actress.  However, you are stolen by thieves before you are used and sold on ebay.

I wish I was Jessica Alba

[Lanzlo]

Granted. But, after regaining your stolen vibrator from Ebay, it shorts out and you're electrocuted.

I wish I had a nice car.

[Ixy]

Granted...you now have a beautiful 69 Camaro.  It's parked on your chest, though,so enjoy it for the next two or so minutes.

I wish I had a cigarette.

[Servant Girl]

Granted you have a cigarette, it is full of the usual toxins that infest your lungs and throat... you are destined to die of lung cancer in a few years time

I wish I had gone to bed two hours ago.

[Sethite]

Wish granted, but while sleeping you missed the results of national lotery and lost an information that you won 1.000 000 $

I wish I have a horse.

[Servant Girl]

Wish granted.  You have a horse.  Its a gigantic shire horse with a personality disorder.
It kicks you to death.

I wish that I found out about the lottery the following day.

[Zaer Darkwail]

Wish granted, but in tomorrow you cant get lottery money because you did not call on the show who runned the national lottery who had canceled your victory after the night.

I wish different father.....

[Celestial Goblin]

Granted, you can have mine.
(oh those fathers. :P)

I wish for Nyarlathotep to be my personal slave.

[Lanzlo]

Granted, but the process of owning him drives you mad, and you end up heralding in the end of time as usual.

I with the US had a president that wasn't a moron.

[Servant Girl]

Granted, the US president becomes an evil genius overnight.  Soon you are wishing for your idiot back again!

I wish I was your personal slave

[Hunter]

Granted and you'll enjoy every second of it.   :P

I wish for a better paying job.

[Servant Girl]

Granted, you are given a 1cent per hour raise.  This puts you into a higher tax bracket and you end up $100 a week worse off

I wish I was the US president

[Hunter]

Granted but you'll be impeached before you move into the White House.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

[Servant Girl]

Granted, you know that you want to wish that the impeachment fails and I successfully enter the whitehouse

I wish you get your wish

[Hunter]

Then I get to be the first house husband in the white house.

I wish for the last poster as my personal sex slave.