Dominant directory?

[Thesunmaid]

I know this might sound silly...and maybe its unneeded. Three lovely people la dame en noir ,AndyZ and Braioch have made a directory of people who enjoy playing FxF and MxM games. and as of late I have been reading some of the idea threads because its dead as a door nail at work most days right now.

I have noticed a lot of them are submissives looking for a dominant. And I was told by a partner in the past that finding a good dominant (especially a good female domme) can be like finding an ice cube in death valley..and well others might be shy...yet others might find all the threads a bit overwhelming. I have a section in a game I help run so that masters/mistresses and slaves/servants can find each other..so...yeah.

Nothing against the submissives in the threads. They are all lovely...but they do out number the dominants as far as I can see when I have read. There is maybe 1 thread wanting to play a dominant to 5 or 6 more wanting to play submissive. I myself am a switch but the way I play a dominant is not for every one. I might not be able to cater to one of the lovely subs big turn on's. I have had the pleasure of  a few subs that did not seem to know what they want...and I would like to think I have helped a few to figure some things out.

So I guess essentially what I am asking right now is would this be a good thing to have perhaps as well as where would be the best place to put it if it did?

The other two threads are in the GBLTQA Corner...which makes sense...but not so much for this one since it would be more than same sex couplings although I am sure that would probably be a part of it. I would be happy to keep track of it and post it if anyone thinks its a good idea.

Suggestions? comments? cookies? :P

[AmberStarfire]

I'm another switch. I've advertised for someone submissive to write with in the past and I got a lot of responses. There are some ways people can find Dominant writing partners already - from approaching someone they know or who advertises in the threads, to searching on the 'find partners' link up on the top of the screen. I think if there's a Dom(me) list, you may end up with those people getting contacted a lot (even if they're not actively looking for stories).

[Nadir]

This is what the preference matrix is for - not enough people have filled it out yet for it to be used effectively though. The more people who can be pointed towards putting their preferences into our matrix the sooner we can get it up and running.

In the mean time, I think On Topic or Adult Socialising would both work.

[Thesunmaid]

Well I would not put anyone on the list that did not asked to be.  That's how the MxM and FxF list works..they only add people who request to be added and then have a list at the top of the thread so people have a quick reference to who is looking and who is not.

But if you guys don't think its needed I understand. I only asked because there might be some myself who have tried the preference matrix and reading threads and sometimes it not work out so well. Heh the kissing a lot of frogs to find the prince thing sort of applies at times I suppose lol I got lucky to find some pretty damn good partners but it took some looking and a few disappointments.

I was just wondering if there was a want for this.

[Oniya]

I think the major difference between this idea and the MxM/FxF 'directories' is that while an M/M or F/F player needs to find another M/M or F/F player, a dominant rarely needs to find another dominant.  When a dominant is looking, they have no shortage of opportunities, and when they aren't looking - well, they aren't looking.  Another consideration that I've seen some dominants bring up is the people that are looking for something other than roleplay.  That is something that we really don't want to encourage here - there are other sites for that kind of play.

[Nadir]

To let you know how effective the M/M or F/F threads are, I have had exactly 0 interest through them ::) but yes, Oniya does have a point.

[Beguile's Mistress]

I can write a dominant character when necessary but my idea of Dom/Domme is much different than what many are looking for.  I don't have the right kind of time to devote to weeding out the offers that fit my psyche.

[Gypsy]

I guess I don't see how this would change things other than, perhaps, increase the chance of networking.

The availability, presumably, of either Dom/Dommes and subs won't appreciably change, that I can see, as someone already advertising is telling you their preferences in the advertisement, and those answering it are ... well ... answering it with theirs. 

And it still leaves out the people who don't write D/S exclusively or even in the majority, but would still do so for the right story dynamic but might not want the general, unspecific attention of being on a list.

For me, I've removed most of my 'matrix' information, because I find better suited partners, I think, by other means.  The people who contacted me using the matrix feature did so almost exclusively because of 'a kink'.  I don't write for kinks, I write for the story.  Even when a kink is made predominant by the story, the kink won't keep me there.  The story will.

TL;DR - I wouldn't use it, but don't think there'd be any harm in people getting added to a list if they volunteer to be included and someone wants to maintain it. :-)  My .02, for whatever it's worth -- likely marked down from $0.02

[NileGoddess]

Just my two cents, but I feel something of this nature would be taking a step in the direction of separating the forum into groups. And it certainly doesn't help the case of their being fewer domme females. We shouldn't have to create a special separate list for people based on their preferences, and worse, if it's a public list, then it just turns into a meat list for people looking for dominants.

I've never had a problem finding dominant or submissive partners. What there needs to be is 1) clear communication of expectations and desires in writing and story, and 2) clear indication or outline of preferences. If you have Player A say "I'm looking specifically for A, B, C" it will attract Player B looking for A, B, C.

I've encountered a bigger issue of people trying to claim they want A, B, and C, but instead really want D, E, and F. So they start with, "I want to play A, B, C, but now that I have your attention, how about we do away with that and do D, E, and F instead?"

[Thesunmaid]

ok well sorry to bother anyone. I was just curious.

[Beguile's Mistress]

Rather than a directory of dominant players perhaps a discussion of what writers prefer in the stories where they take the dominant part would be helpful.

As I said above my ideas of what it involves are often quite different from those of others.  Most of the time it has little to nothing to do with sex while others have highly erotic preferences. 

The post in the discussion thread could be linked to the writer's O/O page for additional reference.

[Thesunmaid]

Well this was more of a suggestion to help submissives find the right dominant for them. Because I can throw an ad up to play a dominant type and have 3 to 4 replys with in a few hours..so dominants finding rp they like is not the point of it...what is harder to find for subs which i have asked about to a few of them is finding a dominant that has the same kinks as they do.

and if a certain dominant did not want to be on the list then they don't ask to be put on it. But since it seems its not wanted anyway..sorry i brought it up. It was simply a suggestion nothing against the matrix on E or anything and i am not trying to flood anyone's inbox with unwanted rp requests or people asking for kinks that is not something the dominant is not willing to play.

also with the MxM list i actually got an rp because I am willing to play a male character(admittedly against a female character but still) which someone found out by looking at the list. I didn't mean to bother anyone it was as said before just a suggestion.

[Beguile's Mistress]

It was a good idea and I'm sure you really did feel it would help.  If nothing else it will give us something to think about.  Give it some more time and see if anything else comes of it. 

[NileGoddess]

Well this was more of a suggestion to help submissives find the right dominant for them. Because I can throw an ad up to play a dominant type and have 3 to 4 replys with in a few hours..so dominants finding rp they like is not the point of it...what is harder to find for subs which i have asked about to a few of them is finding a dominant that has the same kinks as they do.

Based on what I'm reading, it doesn't seem like the crux of the issue is that subs can't find dom(me)s...The problem is that particular dominants are fewer and far between. It's not a case of dominants slacking.

Shining a spotlight on dom(mes) isn't going to solve this skew in distribution; dom(me)s need to be larger in number. That's not something we can actively fix outside of advertising.

[Nadir]

Also, do remember if you can't find a person on E that is right for your game, you are very much encouraged to find one elsewhere and bring them back here ^_^ It's what I had to do recently, and will do again - there's a few sites I could suggest using, where I got success.

Just remember to show your best side and abide by whatever rules they have in place.

[Karma]

The issue I've noticed is that those who play effective doms don't necessarily identify as a dom or seek games that ask for them. Instead they are identified as such by their partners and then asked privately for games.

[Beguile's Mistress]

The issue I've noticed is that those who play effective doms don't necessarily identify as a dom or seek games that ask for them. Instead they are identified as such by their partners and then asked privately for games.

One thing I learned in therapy is that true Dom(me)s in real life don't wear a sign or carry ID.  They also don't come at you as a Dom(me).  It's only as a connection develops that the dominant aspects of a partner or friend become apparent.  All of the real life Dom(me)s I know look and act just like anyone else.  It's the same with submissives.  For me to write a dominant character it would have to be opposite a specific type of submissive personality.  I much prefer characters who are evenly matched or who switch back and forth.

[DominantPoet]

One thing I learned in therapy is that true Dom(me)s in real life don't wear a sign or carry ID. 

I would have to whole-heartedly disagree with that statement. ::) At least in certain respects, it's not like I go around announcing it to people in person or anything, but this whole "true" thing needs to get the boot.

Otherwise, I concur with what everyone else has already said :)

[AmberStarfire]

I think the reality is people are on a spectrum of dominance, somewhere between the two extremes. That's what people truly are, then there's the spectrum of how people choose to behave. Not everyone behaves as they truly are due to factors like societal conditioning or what they believe their partner might (or does) want. Some are switches and jump around or back and forth in terms of dominance and behaviour.

Someone can be truly dominant in the D/s sense, but that doesn't necessarily make them worthy of a partner's submission.  It's finding dominant partners who are worthy of that right that is the real challenge and that can only be ascertained by knowing someone well. In stories/with characters it might not be as big a deal as in the direct personal sense.

A thread would help connect people, but the list may be small which may concentrate the focus on those names. However, that might be what some people want.

[Mithlomwen]

The main reason we shy away from actually having a 'directory', is that unfortunately, not everyone claiming to be a 'Dom/Domme' is necessarily a safe one. 

We have a lot of folks here who can write dominant characters, but don't claim to be dominant in RL.  If we would have a directory of people who claim to be 'Dom/Dommes', that opens up opportunity for folks to abuse it, both on the dominant side and the submissive. 

[Karma]

I think that's a good policy. I've also found that those I've met that live the Dom lifestyle wouldn't do well here because of E's safeguards. I'd rather have more trouble finding the right partner than be exposed to those risks.

[Stone]

Two questions:

1. Thesunmaid, are you suggesting a "Dominants" directory specifically for M/M and F/F pairings?

2. Some of the replies are mixing up "writers who write Dominant characters," and "members who claim to be Dominants off screen," which leads to: do you want this directory to be a compilation of the former, or the latter?

[Oniya]

2. Some of the replies are mixing up "writers who write Dominant characters," and "members who claim to be Dominants off screen," which leads to: do you want this directory to be a compilation of the former, or the latter?

The reason that some of the replies are showing that is because we have had incidents where the two were - both deliberately and unintentionally - interchanged.  Members who simply write dominant characters getting messages from people who wanted real life domination (this is typically harmless but very annoying).  There were also a few former members who used the vehicle of the 'dominant' label to seek out people that they thought they could manipulate.  This can cause real damage.  Notable examples from the Permabanned section would be Vincent and Shambler. 

As Mithlomwen said, creating a directory of the 'writing' type would open it up to being abused by the dangerous type.  Creating a directory of 'off-line dominants' would not only have the same danger; it would also go against the policy that E is not a meat-market.

[Stone]

Members who simply write dominant characters getting messages from people who wanted real life domination (this is typically harmless but very annoying).

Been there once or twice. Didn't like the fallout.  O8)

As Mithlomwen said, creating a directory of the 'writing' type would open it up to being abused by the dangerous type.

In that case, don't the Ons/Offs section and the Roleplay Preferences serve the same purpose as a directory would? You just have to snoop around a little and figure out what the member writes.

[Drake Valentine]

In that case, don't the Ons/Offs section and the Roleplay Preferences serve the same purpose as a directory would? You just have to snoop around a little and figure out what the member writes.

This x100.

Research is the best way to find suitable writing partners. There is nothing 'easy,' and usually the best place to find out about writing partners is through their O/Os or Preferences pages to see what psyche of characters they may write.  Also, browsing their writing capabilities and seeing how they RP, scene, plan, plot, so/on and so forth will grant a better idea of what they are capable of as a roleplayer; assuming they are available for additional scenes.

As noted, I doubt many people would want to be in a spotlight in a directory; I sure as hell wouldn't for an actual forum listing. I put effort in hunting down my partners through mentioned sources and some of the best ones have been found that way.

-DV