Topic: Tails of Monkey - Hey Adventure is still waiting

[Catherine]

Up I go and really Wiener doesn't strain I think, not that I weigh that much. At [ weight censored because well just because. Stick tongue out in a censored section, which takes practice to do ] pounds I can see why he doesn't have any problems. It is the proper weight for a monkey girl of my build. Before you say, 'Monkey you must be skeletal model thin' I will answer you with that I enjoy a good Banana milkshake. *wink and mental lick lips*, have I told you that they are really good? I have? Okay, like banana gold. *mental slurp* Yum!

Where? Where was I? Oh yeah being lifted by Wiener. I sort of got lost in the whole banana milkshake thing. The milkiness. The shakiness. The bananIness. All those inesses all wrapped together in one perfect package. Banana gold...

What? Where was I? Oh yeah being lifted by Wiener. I sort of got lost in the whole banana milkshake thing. The milkiness. The shaki.... I better stop or I would be stuck in an endless tasty loop. Wiener would be standing there wondering what I am doing standing there with that distant look on my face as I do that whole lip thing trying to get the straw.

Up Wiener lifts me and I prepare to pounce by getting into a warrior stance, feet properly spaced apart and the hands in the 'I will get you' position. If you wear really baggy pants it is also called the hammer stance. Although I hear that you have to shimmy from side to side if you wear them. Why I don't know, no one really knows. It is something unexplainable like the Bermuda Triangle.

Up and up and, wow I didn't think it was this high. I better be careful so I don't alip and fall... slowly the top of the building comes into view and as far as I can tell Merl isn't up there. Which is kind of odd since that would be the first place I would have hidden.  But there could be clues and since I do have an imaginary magnify glass it is time to find then. Hop and skip.

[Catherine]

I land without slipping and the crowd cheers, up goes my hands and I smile. Flowers fall around me and I curtsy. They chant for me to do it again and I look back. Should I do a repeat performance? Could I do a repeat or would my foot find a nut and oops slip and off I go all slow motion like? Well hmm.....

I take a step  back, I can't deny the crowd in what they want. Then I remember what is important, the judges. The crowd could love me and the judges  judge me poorly.  I turn to look at them. What will..... the first judge gives me a nine. The next an eight and the crowd goes wild. The next one gives me a nine followed by another nine I might get it this time but it comes down to the last judge. Nervously I look at him and the card flips and an one! What?!?? Boo hisss........ The crowd roars and demands blood and I raise my hands, the crowd quietens and I ask them to be kind and stars appear in their eyes. Which is odd to see since it felt like I was looking up into the sky. Hey I think I see the Big Dipper *point*. I turn to the judge that has always rated me poorly and slowly brought two fingers up and pointed them to my eyes and then one at the judge. From where I was I could see him slowly swallow since he was now on the spot. Then I flip a thumb up and smile with a lens flair.

Okay I could have done that, it was in my mind and was believable but really happened was a nut to the face which brought the day Dream to a screeching halt. I stumble backwards, rubbing my jaw as I do, trying to find the thrower of the nut. Roof......... more roof........... oh look more roof. Squirrel  who is giving me the stink eye. Roof. Oh I think they need to fix that section but still roof. Wait need to rewind back to the squirrel.

Okay with the look i am seeing in the squirrels eyes it is best to take a step or two back and that is what I do without question. It is one of those looks that says I am nuts and not in a hard shell way. What is even scarier is the heavy breathing and the balled little fists that are adorable. I have seen this look before in little kids that have had way too much sugar and go mad. It is has happened to me at least once, I really don't remember what happens when I am sugar mad  though. There are screams and that is about it, I won't be able to stop the squirrel if..... the squirrel beats its chest and  them starts to run towards me.

Not good..... I have heard Norse had beserkers but I never thought..... the squirrel jumps in the air towards me and let's out a roar.

Why me?

[Catherine]

The squirrel is oh me like um....... squirrels on nuts but I am not a nut. That is inspector twenty one guaranteed, whoever that is. The squirrel throws an elbow which catches me by surprise and all I can do is stand there and act shocked, which isn't an act because I was.

*freeze frame for getting a better look*

I mean look at it, elbow is bent just right and everything. That takes some practice. *approving nod* It must have been out in the wilds somewhere dropping elbows on bears or something until it got it perfect.

*unfreeze frame*

WHACK! I take a whack to the face that sends me reeling backwards for a couple steps, catching myself before I step off of course. "It is okay, only a squirrel," I yell down to Wiener who is looking up at me. Of course what I was facing wasn't a normal squirrel, it was a Norse squirrel. It showed me that by grabbing the side of head with both hands and head butting me. THUMP!

Okay that should have been a crack and not a thump but the head butt hurt. Who knew a squirrel had that much strength. If I was any lesser of a monkey girl I would be seeing stars but I am a ninja monkey girl so I can just laugh this off,it was a slow laugh but still a laugh. Which I think the squirrel took wrong and sent him over the edge. Not the physical edge but the hypothetical one and it went nuts! It even let out a roar which echoed roar roar roar. It did so with head back and arms out, like it was passing a bad nut.

 This of course scared me, who knew squirrels could roar, so I took another step back to father my thoughts as quickly as possible. Maybe if I told it what I was doing up here it would give  me the thumbs up. "Hey, hello I am up here looking for Me...," that wasn't a mistake, I was trying to say Merl but ate squirrel fist and it was trying to pull out my tongue. Which I had become quite attached too. It was like some weird tug of war. Squirrel hands on my tongue pulling one way and my head pulling the other way, it wasn't pretty and it will take several garglings to get the taste of squirrel out of my mouth. No matter what I did I couldn't get the little guy off, spin to the right and grip on tongue. Spin to left grip on tongue. Frantic head moment and grip on tongue. Short of trying to bang it against the tree which I knew would go wrong and forehead would be meeting wood several times.

This was going south real fast and all I was trying to do is find a Satyr and I was getting my tail handed to me. Which I am hopping that the squirrel can't read minds and I just gave it an idea. Frantically I go all over the roof, being aware of the edges of course and eventually fall to my back which you would do to if you had your tongue being pulled out.

Somebody call the round, I kept thinking over and over on top of ahk ahk ahk. Which is about the only thing you can say with a stretched tongue. Through all of the struggling and gasping I hear the announcer calling the....

"Round one goes to player one. "

Oh thank monkey, now I stand a chance.

"Finish her!"

What?!?? That is clearly round two or after stuff not round one! I go from frantic to something a lot more frantic trying to get the squirrel off my tongue.i didn't need or want a fatality, especially of the tongue variety. It wasn't on my grocery or bucket list either. That and how would I enjoy an ice cream cone?

Imagine something mechanical,  lets say a mechanical bull set to the ultra extreme hyper level. That was me and finally after what seemed forever  worked and the squirrel went flying. I might not have won the round but I saved my tongue. Thank monkey.

[Catherine]

"Imhp trimp tub fibd Erlb,"  I tell the squirrel not knowing if it can speak or understand English. Not that what I am speaking is too good though. The whole tongue being pulled out sort of puts a hamper on things. Tongue muscles are stretched and it takes some time for them to get back into place.  By the look on the squirrel's face it didn't understand a word I just said either but hey I barely understood any of them either. I think I said something about bread maybe. Let's try something easier.

"Ibd cub id pead," I say, even throwing up a peace sign just in case. Secretly hoping that it didn't mean something else to a squirrel. That is all I needed really after having my tail handed to me. Me crying as the squirrel keeps kicking me in the shins over and over, "it means peace not to keep kicking me....."

Again the squirrel just looked at me. I could try to sign language..... monkeys learn it so maybe squirrels do to. Okay time to sign; finger straight, now bend and curl, spin, other finger and wiggle, two finger bend backwards and on and on. At the end I look at the squirrel wondering if it understood. With the look on its face I would say no.

Flags, I think it is called semaphore. That might be too flag corpy. That I might get to into it and throw one of the flags up into the air and hit a low flying bird. Which would be hard to explain.

Could try flaming sticks which would be really cool, Hawaiians do it so why can't I ? Lighter to piece of wood and start to spin. Althing with the fire I can see it saying the wrong thing of let's say land on the squirrel's tail.  Really wrong message if it lands on my tail, since all I would be able to do is scream.

What else is thee? Braille, hey I have this paper here can you rub your finger down it and see what it says? That won't work.

Charades? Might be fun unless the squirrel is really bad at it. Should I take a chance?

"Round two start!"

"What?" I say looking  around, "I wasn't ready yet." But the it didn't matter the squirrel was and it was barreling right at me. Again why? It isn't like I kicked it or insulted its mom, at least I don't think I think I did. With a bloodshot eyed squirrel flying towards me I didn't have time to ask, I barely had time to react!

[Catherine]

I don't think I just react which thankfully I had a good master to teach me. I answer with a "Hiyah!" instead of an "Eeeek!" My fist flying out to meet the squirrel in mid jump, which sort of surprised it. I could tell by its eyes getting big moments before fist meet face.

All forward movement for the squirrel came to a screeching half and for a moment nothing happened, the air was still and the birds quiet, their beaks were probably hung open as they watched the fight.  I expected the squirrel to go flying backwards or maybe fall down with little stars circling around its heads but no, a regular squirrel would have done that but not a Norse squirrel. In a blink of an eye the squirrel's tail wrapped around my wrist and the squirrel swing down and up. Little fist came up and CRACK hit me under  the chin.

I stumbled backwards, rubbing my chin as I do. My eyes were watering and on the squirrel who just stood there with an amused look on its face. "Cheap move," I growl, tongue checking for all of my teeth. One..two...three and so on. All teeth checked.

The squirrel brought a hand up and gave me the power sign of 'come, I shall show you pain.' My master gave it to me all the time as I trained under him so I can easily identify it. Palm up, fingers pointed straight out and the brought up then down over and over. I of course answered with an appropriate power sign, a quick tongue out. I learn from my mistakes so I made the tongue sticking out fast, no squirrel hands on my tongue. Nope no way.

The taunting was taken to the next level when the squirrel turned around and smacked its butt. Why that little nut loving.... I reach into my bag and pull out my hyper turbo staff of extending, autographed by a famous movie star and.... THWAP! The squirrel never knew what hit him, well it did since it saw the tip of the staff come shooting towards it from across the roof.

I should have held back the laughter as the squirrel hopped around rubbing its butt. Should of yes. Did I? No...  There was pointing too. Of course that left an opening that the squirrel took advantage of by reaching dish and throwing a ball of white stuff right into my mouth!

"Why?" I cried as I tried to scrap my tongue, "Why?" My staff rolling off the roof after dropping, it was definitely a two hand scraping time.

All I can tell you is that I found the one thing that does not taste like chicken. Not even close! Thank monkey that it didn't either since that would have gross. After a few moments of scraping I throw the sign of timeout and reach into my bag.  Hand goes in and a few moments later mouth wSg comes out. What? Like I was going to keep ick residue on my tongue? I follow the directions and gargle the right amount and for the right amount of time so maximum residue removal is reached. Gargle gargle and keep my eye on the squirrel as I head to the corner and spit.

Wipe and turn, "No more of that please. That is really gross and I am on a strict ick free diet." The squirrel or course rolled its eyes.
 
"Are you ready?" I ask and the squirrel nodded. "Announce away.."

[Catherine]

"Round Two, start!"

I pause for a moment, I needed to end this with a ring out or there would be a round three and everyone knows that would mean that the squirrel would be going berserk, it is a Norse thing. Craze look in eyes and foam dripping from the mouth, sometimes accompanied with a creepy laugh too. None of that did I want to see. I would say that is the thing of nightmares but come on it is a squirrel, how scary could it be really? Of course if I was a nut then I would be terrified. Then I would roll away in terror.

Everything goes all bullet time as the squirrel scrunches down and then lunges at me, hands out and mouth open. Little teeth catching the light just right and those light fingers, so adorable. Not so adorable that I would lay down and let it beat the bananas out of me. I could see its little fingers flexing as it flew towards me, it was ready for me to throw a fist. I would throw and right when it is about to hit, then squirrel would grab a hold of  my hand. Using my momentum against me the squirrel would throw me off the building. A ring out but the wrong type of ring out, mine!

So I do the unexpected, I do the splits! Wait a moment the roof is made or wood so  that means splinters and those are never good to pullout of your legs. Especially inner legs, people give you looks as you sit there and pull them out.

"Um should we ask?"

"About?" I ask, tweezers on a splinter ready to be pulled.

"Splinters, inner leg?"

I nod, "well I was fighting a squirrel and did the splits on a wood roof."

"Uh, huh that sounds believable."

"Well it is believable," I growl, "I was fighting a squirrel on a wood roof and i think it was in the morning." Laughter fills the air and I just sit there really confused.

Feeling antisplinter I step to the side and let the squirrel fly by. Why fight momentum? I turn and watch as the squirrel lands and prepares its next move. Without a thought I jump toward the squirrel and miss, the little guy is fast. But the squirrel find out that I am quick too when it kicks and hits air. Knocking the air out of the air. What did the air do to deserve being kicked? It was just a spectator.

The squirrel flips in mid air, its tail swirling around it as it does and somehow changes direction in mid air. I don't know how but it did, I will chalk it up to being a squirrel. One kick after another comes flying towards me and I block them with my arms. The squirrel pauses for a moment and I take advantage of it and go for the tail, my hand finding only empty air. The air isn't doing too good in this fight huh?  It will be all bruised by the end of it maybe.

"What happened to you?"

"I was just walking along minding my own business when I think a Kung fu battle occurred. Fists and feet were all over. I think someone squeezed me somewhere that shouldn't be squeezed too."

"Ow...."

"Yes it was definitely that. It was like they didn't see me."

It was like time slowed down as I watched the squirrel reach down with a paw and ow! Nerve pinch me. I pull my hand back as fast as possible and  shake it trying to get the feeling back to it, fingers uselessly hanging down. Where in the world did it learn to do that? They don't teach nerve pinches just anywhere. Wait a second. I reach into my bag and pull out the Boy Scout manual and start to flip through.

Flip. Flip. Socks, where do they go when they get lost? That is why I keep mine in a sock drawer so that don't. Flip. Spam, the other not so white meat. Ick and no. Flip. Flip. Flip. Around the body in twenty pinches. Okay I was wrong. Oh and it looks like if someone gets pinched right [ censored for insurance purposes ]. I never imagined really.

After a little effort I mange to get the manual back into my bag and give the squirrel a dirty look. Slowly I lift my hand and point to it with my good hand, "Ow!"

[Catherine]

The squirrel gave me that look that said 'eh ' and  nothing else or it could be the look that says 'you are lucky that I didn't grab my battle hammer 'nut crusher' then you would know pain'. Which I am glad it didn't because a battle hammer to the hand would have hurt! A lot more than a nerve pinch would have. It would have gone from stinging to 'I think my hand was knocked off' and frantically looking around for it.

I shake my hand a little more, not taking my eyes off of the squirrel and start to feel my fingers. Let me test them...... One after another I wiggle my fingers and I think.... I wiggle one again just to confirm and yes I can feel them all. Thank monkey, I am not sure what I would do if I couldn't feel my hand. If it was detachable I would probably leave it at places and would have to go back and get it, cheeks flushed embarrassed and trying to find an excuse, "I thought you might need help so I thought I would give you hand."

Okay that was the obvious but still it fit. I will see if i can come up with something later, Norse squirrel starring me down and everything.

It would be bad, wouldn't know when I had a banana milkshake in my hand unless I looked or had a straw in my mouth. Constantly forget that I had one in my hand and then *gasp* look a banana milkshake. Did someone slip it into my hand while I wasn't looking? Milkshake ninjas, how ingenious. Oh no my other hand might attack someone if only something could be done to keep it busy, like a banana milkshake. Oh please no smoke bombs, that make me cough that and I am pretty sure I checked the right box for milkshakes, specifically of the banana type.  I will turn around so I won't see where you are hiding. You better shake my hand before it is too late.

Okay..... the squirrel has had some training, more than the free class unless it is a quick learner and it knows nerve pinches too. This fight could last a long time if something isn't done. Could try.... no it is a squirrel and that wouldn't work. How about... again a squirrel and that usually only works on chipmunks. Then there is.... *snap* Hey I felt that..I got an idea, just have to get it set up.....

*proud pose and smile*

This is going to be great or I am going to be hurting and not a little.

[Catherine]

"Listen," I tell the squirrel, giving it a smile as I do. Smiles are always good especially if your don't have a creepy one. You know the type, all teeth and just not a little either. All teeth top and bottom, a Cheshire Cat grin I think some call it. Okay maybe not but still. All teeth and the other person thinking that any moment you will bite their head off literally. Not that type of smile, no sweating..

"Listen I didn't come up here to fight just to find a person. Has hooves and stuff. I am pretty sure you would remember him if you saw him." I slip a hand into my bag and start to look around for what I am looking for and my whole plan hinges on finding what I am looking for.

"So we don't have to fight. In fact I don't like too. So if you prefer we can stop and talk like two people with tails. Everything went silent as the squirrel sat their thinking, my fingers still looking for my plan to work. Keys, no.. sunglasses, no.... Boy Scout manual, no. Marble, no but close.

"So what do you say. Peace?"

I just need to stall and find what I am looking for that is all. Easy plan. "So what do you think about the weather?" Still no answer but it is giving me more time to search for what I needed

My fingers touch something in my bag and and I think I feel it. Hard but small,this is going to be good. I take a breath and count backwards. Three two..one!

With nut between thumb and forefinger, I lift my hand and and flip the nut. It goes sailing towards the squirrel and I can see the squirrel's eyes getting larger and larger the closer the nut got. It's head spinning around to follow it.

The nut went sailing off the edge of the roof and still the squirrel  followed it.  The tales are true, they are addicted to nuts. All it needed was a little push.

"Go get it!""

The squirrel didn't hesitate and took off running after the nut. Diving off the end of the building without a thought.

Yay fight is done!

[Catherine]

I run to the edge of the building to see if the squirrel is okay. It is Norse but it isn't indestructible and really the fall wouldn't hurt it is just the part at the end that would. Looking down I am treated to a slow motion fall, the squirrel's little arms and legs flailing in the arm as it spins to face me. Why those that are slow motion falling do that isn't known. Scientists have tried to figure it out and all they can come up with is it is physics. Which I am pretty sure is the same as a shoulder shrug or 'don't know'

I have to admit It is pretty neat to watch a slow fall, almost a popcorn moment. The special effects that are going into it is great it looks so real. There has to be some photoshopping going on since I don't see any wires or anything. Oh look a lens flair too ! *clap clap clap* Those are always fun and add that special flair to a moment. Oh look another. Double lens flair wow....

Looking past the effects I can see the squirrel reaching behind its back which piques my curiosity. What could it possibly have? For a moment my eyes widen and my mouth drops open when I see what the squirrel pulls out. Yikes! A gun that looks funny. Yes I admit that the nut off the side was mean but a weird gun is a little extreme.

CHOOM!

Goes the squirrel's gun shooting a grappling hook back in my direction, mentally I wipe my forehead when I realize the squirrel's gun shoots grappling hooks and not bullets or weird rays or beams. What is the worse a hook can do really? Other than shoot up my nose or into my mouth, the last thing can only happens if my mo..... instantly I close my mouth when I realize I was giving the hook a bigger target. Also slipping a hand over my nose too. I don't need a hook up in my nostrils.

Standing there I watch as the hook gets closer and closer pulling a ro....THUMP!

[Catherine]

At the last second I pull my head back and the grappling hook goes flying by. No way no how would I be eating grappling hook today. Those are bad on the teeth and gums. Dentists really frown on eating them. That and the whole "where did you get thhhhhuuummmppp!" thing was something I was trying to skip. I recommend others do to, other than villains, friends don't let friends eat grappling hooks.

The hook zips past me and I hear it thump into something behind me and I quickly look over a shoulder to see what it is. Tree hopefully and not a low flying bird. Which wouldn't really stop the squirrel from falling and more than likely drag the bird down with it. But the hook got all tree, winding around a branch a couple times to and I think I see little bird legs sticking out from under it. Poor little bird, it was fishing for a worm and got the hook.

The rope bounces once and goose taught pulling my attention back down it and towards the squirrel with the nut tucked under one arm and grappling gun in the other. It gives me that look that people give, brow two finger salute, without using a hand. Time stops of course, since the whole two finger salute without giving it is cool and people should be allowed to enjoy it. Then the squirrel comes shooting towards me  with all of the speed of a..... speed of a...... well I would think of something if I didn't have a squirrel shooting towards me.

Everything goes bullet timey at the last few moments and if there was a camera it would be doing that slow circle move now as the squirrel's foot comes up and I bend backwards to dodge. Arms going back and everything, not flailing and 'what the'. More controlled reaching back and hoping there is something and finding nothing sso oh well maybe next time.

Squirrel foot misses and no point is scored as the rest of the squirrel sails by and I end up flipping backwards, hands touch the ground and alleyoop over I go and three point lading. I land a three point landing and throw my hands up, waiting for the judges to score and nothing. No judges or anything .

[Catherine]

I squint and look around, no judges how odd.... something is up since they are always around when I do moves like what I just did. Especially that one judge that always scores me really low. He wouldn't miss a chance to do that. Something is definitely up, judges just don't judge that is what they are born to do. Raised to do, spending long nights flipping score cards up as aerodynamically as possible and stuff.

*mental note to self - self, check on judges and see what is up. *

There is a thwump drawing my attention back to the squirrel and I see that the grappling gun in its hands is  reloaded. Hook ready to be.... I dodge to the side moments before I eat hook and continue to cartwheel away so I am not finding anything strange and hook like in my back. My flips and cartwheels are answered by continual thwumps and near misses.

Up on one hand, doing a side to side flip, I watch the hook shoot by and then feel a tug as is pulls back in and catches around my wrist. Quickly I am drug across the roof hitting anything and everything possible. Even a cactus which shouldn't have been possible but I have the needles to prove those. Bounce bounce and finally come to a stand still  a lot closer to the squirrel than I was moments ago.

Head spinning I look up as an elbow gets closer and closer. In a blink of an eye I roll out of the way, the elbow missing me and slamming into the roof. I continue to roll  because where there is one elbow there is another. I get a good distance away before I hear another thwumo and the hook flies past me and hits the roof in front of me.

Warning lights and sirens start to go off in my head but it is too àlate! With all of the force of a rolling monkey girl I slam into the hook. Before I can escape the squirrel does something and I feel myself being drug back towards it. This is going nowhere,I tell myself, no matter what i do or where I go the squirrel has me with the grappling hook. But maybe....

An idea bulb goes off and flip around and in no time my foot catches on the roof and that is all I needed. Foot brace and spin........ I kick one leg over the other and start to spin in place.

"Come to me," I yell out and well you can guess what happens next. Hook wrapped around something on monkey girl, spinning and pulling on the rope attached to gun, squirrel with a really strong grip, all of those add up to one surprised squirrel being drug across the floor and thanks to Norse squirrel pride it doesn't let go..

 Closer and closer the squirrel gets, struggling all the way and WHAP! Foot connects with squirrel and it goes flying. For the first time in my life I see a flying squirrel as it flies over the horizon. Okay not really that far but way over there. *point*

I clinch and pop up into the air, heels over head I flip and land. Perfect! I lol for the judges and the scores but..... they are still missing. Odd really odd.

*mental note to self - self, look for judges something is up.*

Quick unhook and unwind out of the grappling hook , slipping it into my bag jus in case I need it later.

"Wiener, Merl isn't up here. Coming down!"

[Catherine]

With that Wiener raised his head and I carefully stepped onto it. Moments later I could see that I was descending, the roof quickly disappearing out of view. I nodded after hearing an oink, letting me know that I was on the bottom floor which had grass, trees and that thing over there.  No not that, that thing over creeping along the fence line.

*point*

No not that, that is a bird I mean that thing that looks like a giant cat and polar bear mix. Yeah the one giving us the 'If only you were on this side of the fence because then you could be in mouth' look. I would try to speak with it but I think it is more of a silent I speak with my teeth sort of creature which is fine but..... I think speaking  with words is a lot better than speaking with teeth. Yes it gets to the point but that is a point that hurts a lot

"Sorry," I yell out, "looking for someone. Wish I could you know stuff but I am not into stomach spelunking." The thing just stopped and looked right at me and for one very long moment I knew what a hotdog felt like bun and all, it was definitely something that I didn't want to feel ever again.  It wasn't trying to mentally undress me it was mentally condimenting me and ick and ick. All I could manage to do is stand there and shiver in a lot of different levels.

Suddenly there was a blur and Wiener shot forward, stopping just short of slamming into the fence and let out a mighty OINK! Whatever the creature was it cowered in a blink of an eye,and started to slink away. Scared of giant hotdog. "That is right," I yelled at the thing as it disappeared into the woods, "I um err....." okay I should of had a witty comment but you see how it feels got gave mental mustard spread over you a try to think. It is kind if hard.

I patted Wiener on his side, "Good boy, that was the one spot I didn't wanted to look for Merl. I don't have training on digestary exploration. Speaking of which let's start again."

Oink.

[Catherine]

Out of nowhere I could hear Merl's voice, "That was a polkcat." I looked around trying to find merl and thought if I tried something he would give himself away, "Huh, what?"

"That was a poklcaat," Merl's voice answered and for a moment I thought I had found Merl. He is right over there. *point* No not in the bushes that is behind the chipmunk he is either the chipmunk or right behind the chipmunk. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. You can say it is my sixth sense which I moved to my seventh sense to make way for my Banana milkshake sense. It was a hard decision really but I can sense banana milkshakes now and that is really important.  There is one in that direction. *point*

Of course Merl is this big and the chipmunk is this big so quite a bit of difference in everything. Unless Merl was into some type of weird body origami where he could fold himself this way and that making himself smaller so he can hide anywhere or be a master of disguise. I look at the chipmunk again trying to see any zippers.

"What is a polecat?" I ask not taking my eyes off of the chipmunk to see if I can catch lips moving when Merl answers.

Merl's voice comes from somewhere but I don't see the chipmunk's lips moving when he answers, "You don't  want to know."

What? I asked didn't I? He must be on to me but I will try again, "What is a polkcaat?"

"Again, you don't want to know," Merl answered, well his voice answered and still I couldn't find him. I am pretty sure it wasn't the chipmunk since no lips moving with words and the Norse wasn't known for bad dubbing. So where ? Hmm.....

[Catherine]

Okay this game of hide and go seek was ridiculous. I checked on the top of the building and.... "Did you check around the building?"

Oink.

Wiener checked around the building. It was not the polecat whatever that was and Merl is refusing to tell me about. I mean it was a mix of two things and the final product was definitively something that could stay on the other side of the fence. Not that I am making any reach decisions but it has the right mix of tooth, claws and the special glint in the eyes that spoke to that special part of me that said it can stay over there. Not there but over there with something between us. Preferably something big and strong between us. The bigger and stronger the better.

Maybe something with a moat filled with hmmm...... it would be cruel for sharks to be put in the moat even if they had lasers so not sharks. Electric eels.... nah while the moat would glow which would be cool that is just ridiculous. The safety measures alone would be outrageous. A manual filled with a lot of pages that no one would be able to make it through so no one would know about how you need to handle them with rubber gloves and tongs, also no licking them not even if you are double dog dared. What else?

Oh oh alligators, the standard scaly thing with a lot of teeth that is put into moats. When you think of moats you think of alligators or crocodiles. But most steer towards alligators for some reason. Now if whoever owned the moat wanted to be different and filled it with salt water they can have salties. Which aren't little crackers bit salt water crocodiles. I hear they are meaner than mean, shooting people dirty looks  and then motioning with one of their tiny paws to whoever is getting the dirty look and then to their open mouth. I read somewhere that they also go up to boats and knock on the side of them which drives the people in the boat crazy since they can't find who is knocking. That is a heads up just in case you start to hear knocking and you can't find the source, look for a saltie.

I didn't have a high strong wall or a moat but I did have a fence and it did look sturdy. I guess if it jumped the fence I could do the standard reaction, run screaming. Which gets a lot of people eaten in the long run. I could also do the safer but untested one. Point and say no then point to an imaginary sign and tell the polecat that it broke the rules of line jumping and then point back tot the other side of the fence and then stamp a foot over and over.

But since merl insists on not telling me I can just make things up. Mwhahaha the power, the power.... I can rule the world with this much power or get the pickle jar open that I have never been able to get open. Both of those are about even but the pickles in the jar looked really good. POP! Yes pickle time. Mmmmmm so worth it.

So where could Merl be?

Oink.

Okay we will look over there.

Oink.

[Catherine]

Wiener and myself communicate with our eyes, 'You go that way and I will go this way and perform a reverse with a mocha half a twist pincer move. No one has ever been able  to escape that move all they do is stand there and scratch their head trying to figure out what  in the word we are doing and where I got the roller skates from and why did everything smell of potpourri. Okay the potpourri was a little bit of an overkill but hey I sort of found it and well.... do you see where we were at? Okay that doesn't really help outside since everything smells like potpourri there. Other than a few places of course.

Okay I have to admit the potpourri reminded me of granola and I wanted to set it free so it can go back to wherever it came from. Trees I think. All I know it isn't good, mom gave me a piece of one once. Hey it was chocolate coated and i thought it was a candy bar. They should pass a law prohibiting chocolate on granola for the good of all humanity. I started to cry or the tears tried to escape as I tried to chew the granola. Mom said was good for me, I think her definition of good is completely different from mine.

Anyways back to the move. We communicated with our eyes. Wiener was suppose to go that way and I was suppose to go this way and circle back around and come at the target without the target realizing until it is too late. Maybe even so late that days later  they go 'why are my hands tied behind my back? When did this happen?'

Wiener nods and I nod back and start to whistle, that always throws people off. No one expects a whistler to jump you. Also I throw in a 'how are you doing?' with a nod. That always works to throw people off. I hope you are taking notes because once you jump someone you can't apologize and tell them that you have  to do it again because of your students, which no matter how hard they look for them they will never see them.

Closer and close Wiener and myself and three...two and one! Wiener holds back as I jump just in case Merl escapes he can watch where Merl goes..

"Gotcha!"


((Gotcha!!! What better way to need the week than to end with that.))

[Catherine]

I jump over the garden gnome which come to think of it is kind of strange. It is sort of norse with the beard but other than that it isn't close to Norse. When was the last time you saw a gnome on a blood rage twirling an axe over its head? I would say never really, can gnomes even go into a blood rage? They might start to shake, their faces going all red, grunting just once because more would be weird and pop. Gnome stuff all over and no detergent says that they can clean gnome stuff off. Your favorite shirt would be ruined for life and a day. All you could do after a gnome popped is point at the mess and say "Gnome stuff." People, even friends and possibly family would just give you the look and take a step back, "Is that what they are calling it now in this pc environment?"

Are gnomes even in the Norse pantheon? Dwarves are. Elves are too. That is two of the races in a roleplaying game. Of course Norse cover humans I think. Kind of hard to tell when they start to salivate and spit a lot. Since I am in mid jump it would be kind of hard to whip out the manual and look since it would keep falling out of my hands. Let me see gnomes in nor..... whoops bang. Give me a second, I just need to pick the book up and I will be able to find out. Gnomes in ..... whoops bang. Ergh!!! Does anyone have a book stand?

So yeah no looking up in the Boy Scout manual. I would think it is a safe bet that they aren't due to the cute outfits. Not to Norse I would say. They would need to wear more furs and torn clothes. Unless they saying the caps are red because they urp soak them in the blood of fallen enemies. That is just sick and not sanitary. I mean urp just think urp of.... sorry I just can't finish that idea. I don't want to even ima....urp too late! Where is the nearest bush? I will be right back.

*wipe chin*

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah... jumping over garden gnome that might not be pantheon correct to catch merl who is hiding behind it. Let me get back into osition and go...

Mid jump I consider if gnomes are in the Norse lore. Wait that feels familiar, oh yeah oops. Play mid jump I look over the red cap to see if I can see any hints of Merl; fur, hooves or little horns. You know the standard satyr things. None of those things I see all I do see is grass and that isn't good when we are looking for something not grass.

I land and roll up into a stand, arms out and sticking the landing. Judges please, this felt like a ten across the board. I look towards the judges and see a ten, nine, another nine, yay  ten, eight and now the final judge flips up the card and...... what in the world an one. Booo.......... why does he always score me so low? I landed that one perfectly!! Legs firmly on ground, arms up and tail tip on ground. No stumbling or anything. Humph.


I hop and stand there for a moment for the judges to see me before dropping my arms and look towards Wiener. "Not there and I thought we had them. Do you have  any suggestions?"

Wiener motioned towards the ground and oinked.."what? Are you sure?" I look down to see what that wiener told me was true. My jaw falling open just enough , so that birds or bugs fly in and see tracks. "I have been tricked!"

Oink!

[Catherine]

I look around trying to figure out how we were tricked. Merl has been behind the gnome but had snuck out somehow when I had jumped over the gnome maybe. My hand goes to my face as realization swept over me like a wet towel snapping bare skin. Slowly I look back at the gnome and saw how the light played off of it and I figured out what I did wrong, the jump wasn't dramatic enough. I could have used some slow moving pigeons there, there and there. Then maybe a smoke machine tucked behind  the gnome to give it that wow and finally a some fireworks. Pointing upwards of course because the other way would be really dangerous. It would have made the whole go from wow dramatic to oh my god everything is on fire including little suzy dramatic. Which is never good.

It all makes sense now, if I did the dramatic jump Merl would have been frozen in place with awe. Maybe going 'did you see that?' Before I stick the landing and he finds himself clapping. I would so have caught him. Next time do the dramatic.

*ninja tip - always consider doing things dramatically because opponents will freeze and if it was done dramatic enough may clap. Just don't bow that will get you into trouble and opens you for attacks.*

I kneel down and look at the tracks, switching to my imaginary trackers hat to be on the safe side. It is obvious that the tracks are heading in that direction and....  I place a finger in one of the tracks and then put it into my mouth. Why? I don't know I have seen it on tv shows before and it looked like it helped. PTOW! Yeah dirt, it is telling me that Merl went in that direction. Which the tracks told me too so finger through the tracks is not a keeper. Wait what?

Does It tastes like chicken... well not really it tastes like dirt and PTOW not that good. PTOW. Sticks in your teeth. PTOW. Okay that is the last time I do the finger thing,, PTOW. PToOw.

But now we know where Merl went. Unless merl walked backwards  in his own tracks but by looking at them I am pretty sure he didn't do that. Thank monkey. That would have made it a lot more harder.

Oink.

I nod, "I agree. Let's go get him."