More of a personal issue but wanting help with it...

[Damnedangel]

So yeah this is a kinda personal issue of mine and I feel like I cannot discuss this with my family or my close friends because of trust issues and among other things I feel like a failure because of my problem.

As long as I can remember I have felt down, upset, not finding joy in many things and finding myself thinking of taking my own life, which I did try because I felt cornered and stuck with nobody to turn to. My dad pushing me to see my mom who was mentally abusing me, but he didn't know because I never spoke up and told him what she did. I've never been a person to speak my feelins I've always been a person who bottles it up and doesn't want to cause trouble for other people.

But yeah after my suicide attempt I made changes to my life. I cut of all the bad things including my mother and I became more open with my dad (although I still have the problem of trusting people and expressing my feelings.)

On Thursday I got the results of some exams I took. The result was something I didn't expect. I barely passed two of the subjects that I choose and failed the other two but what hit me hard about it was that before these exams I spent time from February to June revising everyday, doing practice questions from old papers and I came out with results that meant I scraped by and just about passed the courses.

Once I got home the realisation hit me further, these results mean that I will have to work harder in my second year of college and whats worse is I don't even know if I've made it into my second year of college until September 1st and the worry is just eating me up inside and making me feel upset, down and depressed.

So my question and asking for help is for this reason, I feel depressed and I have struggled with it for years from when I was little to now. What I was wondering is if people could help me find natural ways to make myself feel happier. I've had counseling before and that helped for a short while but not for long and its not a route I want to go down again, likewise I do not want to go on anti depressants because I fear I'll rely on them to much.

Thank you for reading this and I appreciate all the people who will comment. But also this was hard for me to talk about so thank you again for reading this.

Angel x

[Trieste]

I'm sorry you're going through so much, and I admire your bravery for coming forward and talking about this.

This is really not something that an internet forum can answer. It would be irresponsible for us to advise you of anything but going to see a doctor. Even if someone here is a medical professional, it would be unethical and unprofessional of them to try to diagnose and/or treat you over the Internet. I'm really sorry, Damnedangel, but we sincerely cannot help you.

[Oniya]

A skilled and properly trained psychiatrist should be willing to work with you in finding either natural or low-med methods of treating your depression.  If they aren't, you are well within your rights to try a different one.  Seeking help is not an admission of failure, but a sign that you want to succeed at overcoming your obstacles.

[Chelemar]

Damned Angel,

Like Trieste said, coming forward really is admirable and brave.  Getting help from a professional takes a lot of courage as well, and you've already shown you have that courage.  But, as she said, a professional really is the way to go.  I've been there.  *hugs*  Depression is not always something that one can pull themselves up out of by sheer force of will alone.  Sometimes, there is a chemical imbalance involved.

I have had dysthymia, low grade depression, which is also mixed with bouts of major depression since I was five.  I too felt guilty and like a failure due to these feelings.  It took awhile to realize that it wasn't my fault any more that if I had had diabetes or heart disease.  I couldn't will those away, nor could I depression.  But, it was only with the help of a medical professional that I came to these realizations. 

There are Mental Health crisis hot lines that you can call who can help you.  Crisis workers are there can speak with you, and that may be able to help you get connected with a professional.  The number for our counties crisis hotline is listed on the internet.  I just typed in the county that I live in, state, and crisis intervention hotline. 

Here is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).

Also, you mentioned that you were in school, many schools have mental health resources available to their students.  You should be able to find out via student services.

I wish you the best of luck, and do know that I care about what happens to you.  Please let me know how you are.

Hugs,

~Chele

[Vekseid]

I use fish oil.

It doesn't stop the sadness per se, but it does stop the more crippling effects of depression for me. Especially in regard to being able to talk with other people.

[Elina]

St. John's Wort can also be effective and is herbal.  I do, however, encourage you to talk to your primary care physician about this.  If you don't have one, you should be able to go to the medical clinic on your college's campus.  They should be used to students dealing with depression or anxiety. 

And don't discount antidepressants completely.  Talk to your doctor to find out what the best option is for you, as everyone is different.  It's possible to only be on medication for a few months and then not have to take it again.  Depression feels horrible, and you don't realize how bad it is until you're on the other side of it.

Best of luck to you.

[Trieste]

St. John's Wort also interferes with a fairly major metabolic pathway and can mess with things like hormonal birth control. Even herbal remedies shouldn't be taken without talking to a doctor first. -_-;

Depression feels horrible, and you don't realize how bad it is until you're on the other side of it.

This is a true fact. It's amazing what the human mind can cope with. Getting through it and treating depression and anxiety can both scare you and make you realize how strong you really are. Even if you never get to the point where it's a battle just to get out of bed in the morning.

[Mithlomwen]

Depression feels horrible, and you don't realize how bad it is until you're on the other side of it.

This is a true fact. It's amazing what the human mind can cope with. Getting through it and treating depression and anxiety can both scare you and make you realize how strong you really are. Even if you never get to the point where it's a battle just to get out of bed in the morning.

Agreed. 

[GothicFires]

I've dealt with depression from the time I was 6 until my mid 30s. I dealt with the anxiety by learning to meditate. I tried St. Johns Wart once for a month or two. While it kept me from swinging low I couldn't get those up feelings either. It took me many years to decide to finally love my self exactly the way I was and decide that the only thing I needed to be happy was me. Its my responsibility and my decision. It finally boiled down to this...

being miserable sucks and I refuse to be miserable.

It took me years of correcting myself mentally, of forcing myself to do what I didn't feel like doing because the only one responsible for helping me is me. There is no shame in taking medication if it helps you and there is no shame in using a doctor to figure out how to help yourself. There is no shame in asking help from others as long as you allow those you ask to help you.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

[Elina]

St. John's Wort also interferes with a fairly major metabolic pathway and can mess with things like hormonal birth control. Even herbal remedies shouldn't be taken without talking to a doctor first. -_-;

Yes, I absolutely agree.  That goes for any herbal supplements.  It's why I said to talk to a doctor first.  :P

[Oreo]

I recall trying St. John's Wart a few years back myself and got no results. On the other hand Veks suggestion of fish oil has done wonders. Take care of yourself and get the proper help you need to pull through. There is no shame in asking for a hand up.

[Black Howling]

Having suffered from a severe mental illness most of my life, I can relate that any such troubles are very hard to deal with. Though to Echo Treiste for umteenth time, Forums aren't a great place for medical advice. It's irresponsible for anyone to try and help without pointing in the way of a professional for it. I can offer some help in knowing what sort of professional to go to.

Medications only ever masked my symptoms. They clear for a while, and then come back. I think it's best to see a clinical psychologist instead of a psychiatrist for things like this. They seems to be willing to do more then shove pills down your throat, in my personal experience. That would be my suggestion.

[Damnedangel]

Thank you all to the replies, it was honestly a struggle to come forward about it and yes I now know it wasn't a great idea to ask for advice here.

I have booked myself in for an appointment to talk with a professional and I've opened up with my family so the problems are less of a burden for me.

[Trieste]

That is such wonderful news. I was starting to get really worried that you weren't replying to the topic. I know it can be awfully off-putting when you look in a place for answers and don't necessarily find them.

If you feel comfortable, please let us know how it goes. If nothing else, you can drop me a PM.

I've had struggled with depression and anxiety since I can remember, and have been intermittently medicated for it. As you can see from the others who have shared their experiences, you are not alone and you have people who care enough to want to help you. All the best to you and yours. :)