Houzer's CLASSIFIEDS -looking to fill some openings-

[Houzer]

Houzer's CLASSIFIEDS
-looking to fill some openings-

Babysitter Wanted		Maid Services Wanted - Filled		English Tutor Wanted
Couple in need of a babysitter in our busy schedule. Looking for a sitter in the evenings, starting when wife leaves for work around 6 PM until husband wakes up around 10 or 11 PM for night shift. Maybe the occasional overnight when wife works a double shift. Double rates for overnights.		Busy working man needs a woman's touch around the house. Basic maid services required; room cleaning, laundry, dishes and floors, plus other various jobs from door knob polishing to waxing hardwoods by hand. Wage is negotiable.		Single father looking for a tutor to help his son pass his final English exam so he can get a job and move out. In-home sessions with little supervision, whenever available. Pays cash.

Personal Assistant Wanted		Handyman Services Available
Looking for a personal assistant willing to work very close under the CEO of a major investment firm in a fast paced industry. Work will involve general secretarial duties along with bending and kneeling and taking dictation. May involve late nights and cramped work areas. Work will take place in office and hotel environments and during travel by air, rail and limousine. The assistant will be expected to tackle situations head on with strong oral skills and a willingness to get their hands dirty. Traditional secretarial attire is expected however during meetings with clients there is a need to keep their attentions focused on our assets and the attractive nature of our company, or otherwise distracted from their own agenda. Ability to swallow large loads of work stress is an asset. Competitive salary and benefits.		Young man trying to make money before heading off to college. Will do odd jobs or handyman work, or whatever you want! Need a pool cleaned or a dog house built? Have a messy attic or basement that needs sorting? Young strong hands are ready to clean out your plumbing and clear the cobwebs out of your neglected chimney. If you've got something that hasn't been touched in years and needs a stout young man to refurbish, I'm your guy.

Summer Job - Ice Cream Shop		Private Eye Services Available		Found Dog
Help needed at Ice Cream Shop. The hot hot summer is on it's way. Operate large soft ice cream machines, transactions at order window. Looking for two young enthusiastic employees to run the machines and the tills during the busy season this summer. High energy, coordinated environment. Shop may get warm inside due to large ice cream machines running all day, expect hotter temperatures. Knowledge  of machinery repair is an asset.		Private Investigator, specialist in surveillance and information gathering for hire. Think you've got a cheating spouse? Missing a person? Suspicious activity taking place in your area? Get the answers you need.		This large playful dog has been found. I've seen it in the area before so it can't be far from home. He jumped into my jeep while I was cleaning the garage and now he won't go home. He's friendly but he's eating all my food. If he's yours please come pick him up. Thanks neighbour!

Haunted Bed & Breakfast		Local News - Police Scandal!
Stay a week at our historic colonial manor built over two hundred years ago where mysterious passions and urges still seem to linger from times long past. A beautiful manor on a tranquil mountain lake. Enjoy boating, tubing and water skiing in our refreshing crisp waters. Take a walk in the miles of dark oak woods that surround the entire area. Relax in the cedar wood sauna or bring a book out to the deck and take in the view of the majestic mountain reflecting off the lake. Take the guided tour, bring the whole family. "I got out of bed to brush my teeth and I ended up in my brother's room. I swear a ghost portal transported me!" - Guest, "I accidentally wandered off tour and into the basement. The next thing I knew was in the wine cellar bent over a cask, I had lost half my clothes and hours had passed. I felt like I got hit by a bus! I say too many drinks, not ghosts." - Guest.		Local Police Officer blackmails both mother and adult aged daughter to keep daughter out of jail. After catching the daughter in a break and enter, she is returned home but left cuffed in the back of a patrol car while the officer received a physical bribe in the house from the mother to "keep her daughter out of trouble". The mother did not know at that time, that a similar choice had previously been presented to the daughter. The daughter, facing possible fines and jail time, also chose to persuade the officer to let her go with a warning. It is reported that after some negotiation the daughter paid with her hands and mouth, shirtless, bra on, out in the police cruiser. This affair continued for some time as the officer repeatedly returned for further physical bribes regarding the initial incident, plus the daughter's continued illegal misbehavior, always discovered by the same officer. The officer now faces a year of paid suspension.

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Thank you kind reader, for keeping us in business for all of these centuries.

[Houzer]

Second Edition

[Red Tressed Imp]

I wish there were a "like" button to click. As a former newspaper publisher, I love the format of your stories!

[Mascherari]

I wish there were a "like" button to click. As a former newspaper publisher, I love the format of your stories!

Seconded. This post format is amazing!