(Gauging Interest) Dynasty Warriors Parody/Fun

[Inerrant Lust]

So I think I want to run a Dynasty Warriors game. Not a Three Kingdoms game (though I certainly could...) but one that is a direct parody of Dynasty Warriors as a video game. I expect it to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek and funny, where we can all poke fun at its silliness and sexiness and also write some entertaining smut in the process. The idea is to convert some of its over-the-top violence into over-the-top sexiness. The easiest way, I think, is that a small group (2-3 players) would be playing female warriors in a beleaguered kingdom that's on its heels. Having failed in every other endeavor, they elect to enact one final unconventional strategy... The Chinese Military Treatise 'Thirty-Six Strategems' outlines the plan in its thirty-first plot; the honeypot.

(美人計／美人计, Měi rén jì)
Send your enemy beautiful women to cause discord within his camp. This strategy can work on three levels. First, the ruler becomes so enamoured with the beauty that he neglects his duties and allows his vigilance to wane. Second, the group of men will begin to have issues if the desired women courts another man, thus creating conflict and aggressive behavior. Third, other females at court, motivated by jealousy and envy, begin to plot intrigues further exacerbating the situation.

What does this mean in the context of a Dynasty Warriors game? Well... every KO is a man rendered unable to fight by orgasm and subsequently sexual exhaustion. The female warriors wade across the battlefield, sexually dominating men by the hundreds. They will encounter enemy officers and 'defeat' them in much the same way.

If I may be somewhat demanding of my fellow writing partners, I want to attempt something a little high concept-y. As the game progresses, its scope will progress as well. What I mean is that the first scene will likely involve your characters taking out maybe a squad of random mooks... or even a single enemy soldier. But then the battle progresses a bit, and soon your character is taking out men by the dozens. What we once spent an entire page describing in lurid detail will become relegated to a post, then a paragraph, and then a sentence, Hemingway style. I mean, once you have 1000+ KOs in a battle, it all tends to blur together, doesn't it? Consider it like writing a montage. We will conserve our detail for greater things, like enemy officers. Or rather we can take 'snapshots' and skip ahead to poignant moments in the battle...

If it isn't obvious, this is going to be a bit of a... smutty game. That's not to say it will be shallow. As the battle develops, so too will the characters, yes? Would Wang Yi give up even her body to her nemesis Ma Chao if it meant saving her kingdom? Would all this constant debauchery soften Xingcai's steely stoicism? Just how far would Lian Shi go to protect her beloved... even if it meant sleeping with other men?

I have a few ideas for plausible scenarios to facilitate this, but really... you can tell me what characters you want to play with and I can probably figure out a way to make it work. ;) As for me, I have my favorites out of the bunch but I won't say.

Scenario #1
In Shu's hypothetical route, Guan Yu triumphs against the floods at Fan Castle and the Shu-Wu Alliance is restored. In a sneak attack, Shu captures Chang An and later moves on Luoyang, cornering Cao Cao in his home territory of Xuchang. Against tremendous odds, Jia Xu proposes a desperate strategy; the women of Wei will make a last stand for their kingdom... or a last lay, at any rate.
Playable Characters: Zhenji, Cai Wenji, Wang Yi, Wang Yuanji, Zhang Chunhua

Scenario #2
In Wei's hypothetical route, Cao Cao's massive fleet is victorious at Chi Bi and campaigns against Wu to knock them out of the war early. Against overwhelming odds and the strategies of Guo Jia, Wu has no choice but to rely upon the wiles of the famed ladies of Wu...
Playable Characters: Sun Shangxiang, Lian Shi, Daqiao, Xiaoqiao

Scenario #3
Having slain Huang Zhong, Xiahou Yuan leads Wei to victory at Mt. Dingjun. Sensing their weakness and the fragility of their alliance with Wu, Liu Bei surrenders Jing Province to Wu and reorients his forces to deal with Wei bearing down on them from the north. It's a desperate situation... Wei wants to knock Shu out as soon as possible but they might not be expecting Fa Zheng's... unorthodox strategy.
Playable Characters: Xingcai, Guan Yinping, Yueying, Bao Sanniang

Random Ideas:
While I rarely like to write with canonical characters, I admit a certain fondness for Dynasty Warriors dames. They are just defined enough to have interesting character, but just vague enough for a lot of creative license. And really... who can refuse Wang Yuanji's consummate professionalism, Sun Shangxiang's boundless optimism, or Lian Shi's huge... sense of loyalty? But if you prefer to make an OC or something like that, I suppose I could consider it. Actually, there's a few interesting prospects within the Three Kingdoms that Dynasty Warriors doesn't explore. With usually just one line or two devoted to their biography, you'd have a lot of creative freedom. To sate my own curiosity, I took a look over a few candidates.

Ladies of the Three Kingdoms

Cao Qinghe; Cao Cao's daughter, wife of the incompetent Xiahou Mao. She gave him mad shit for looking at other women... which wasn't bad by itself back then, but it certainly contributed to his ineptitude. Would be a fun Wei character.
Guo Something; Wife of Cao Rui, the Wei Emperor that Sima Yi deposes. Was consulted in government affairs. Also would make a fun Jin/Later Wei character.
Cai Something; Wife of Liu Biao who plotted against Liu Bei and surrendered Jing province to Cao Cao after her husband's death. In the novel, she was killed not long after that. Otherwise she could be a fun femme fatale for Wei.
Cao Something; A great beauty of Wei. Cao Cao's niece. Died young. Sickly beauty for Wei?
Du Shi; A widow that both Guan Yu and Cao Cao lusted after. A honey pot of Wei?
Li Wan; Married Jia Chong... twice. Clever, moral, and pretty. Sounds like she'd get along with Wang Yuanji in Jin.
Xiahou Shi: Xiahou Yuan's niece, Xiahou Ba's cousin and... Zhang Fei's wife!? She was captured by him while collecting firewood, apparently. Oh, she's Xingcai's mother. Milfs for Shu!
Hua Man: Daughter of Meng Huo and Zhurong. Fights Guan Suo and later marries him. Only appeared in some operas, as I recall. More barbarian babes in Shu, with a little less mama bear than Zhurong?
Fan Shi; A widow who was offered to Zhao Yun who declined her out of respect for her late husband. That's an amusing role-reversal, ain't it? Shu needs more ladies...
Mi Something Mother of Liu Shan. In the novel, she threw herself in a well to convince Zhao Yun to leave her behind at Changban and go on his daring baby-carrying sprint through enemy lines. More milfs for Shu!
Ma Yunlu: More Zhao Yun-related ladies. Sister of Ma Chao, wife of Zhao Yun. A warrior with a very... forward personality, she did not wish to marry an inferior man. Shu needs some tougher girls, I think.
Wang Tao and Wang Yue: If not Zhao Yun, then Guan Suo gets all the ladies. These two sisters were defeated by Suo and later married him. I guess that's just how it works... How many girlfriends does that make for Suo? Like... four? He's a cute bishonen sure, but come on.
Sun Something; Daughter of Sun Ce. Wife of Lu Xun. Could be fun to imagine what Sun Ce's daughter would be like... especially opposite the overly serious cutie that is Lu Xun.
Wu Guotai; Sun Jian's wife. Advised Sun Quan in a few matters. Milfs for Wu!
Xu Something; Sun Quan's sister-in-law. Widowed but later avenged her husband. Versed in divination texts. Sorceress of Wu?
Yuan Something; Daughter of Emperor-for-a-day Yuan Shu. Married Sun Quan but refused the offer to become an Empress and had no children. Said to be very modest. I don't think Dynasty Warriors has any bashful girls...
Sun Luban; Daughter of Sun Quan, lover of Sun Jun who was her... distant cousin? Nicknamed Big Tiger, she killed a lot of other ladies at the court.
Huangfu Something; Skilled student and calligrapher, aunt of a reknowned general of the Later Han. Refused Dong Zhuo's advances and cursed him. Pretty ballsy. Unfortunately she'd be an Other.
Guo Huai; Not to be confused with the half-dead Guo Huai in the games. Another wife of Jia Chong, she was very jealous and didn't let him see his first wife. Helped her daughter get a love match... whatever that means. A lady for Jin. I'd recommend renaming her Guo Hua since it's more feminine and would distinguish her from the other guy.
Dong Bai; Dong Zhuo's granddaughter. Was made a lord before she even came of age. Was killed in history and the novel as retribution against Dong Zhuo. Don't know what you could do with her... maybe she's keeping her identity a secret in Wei?
Dong Something; Ma Chao's wife that was left behind when he fled to Shu. What a guy. Cao Cao arranged a new marriage for her. Would she be friends or rivals with Wang Yi?
Zou Something; The widower beauty that caught Cao Cao's eye and led to Dian Wei's death. Could be an interesting femme fatale for Wei next to her partner-in-crime Jia Xu.
Yun Ying; Kind of a long story. She was a concubine of a guy at the Wei court who plotted to kill Cao Cao. She was whispering things with one of his servants and got caught. A sultry affair!? She convinced her husband not to execute the servant but to beat him instead. The servant escaped and warned Cao Cao of the assassination attempt, which made Yun Ying a widower. Could play it like it was all an elaborate plot to end her marriage. She could be an interesting seductress strategette type for Wei.
Zhao Yu; Also called Trieu Thi Trinh, Trieu Au or Ba Trieu by the Vietnamese. She fought against Wu on an elephant. Appeared super late in the timeframe, though. Like Jin era.
Zheng Jiang: A female bandit in Wei. That's pretty rad.

[CeruleanSerenity]

I haven't played Dynasty Warriors in years and I don't usually write canonical characters either, but I have to admit this sounds like a lot of fun. Silly, maybe, but in a good way. I'd definitely be interested in giving this a try, though I would probably have to familiarize myself with the characters again first...

[Inerrant Lust]

I actually played a bit of the most recent game just to familiarize myself with some of the characters as well... but there are so many that few of them (barring the big three 'protagonists') get any significant screen time. You only catch glimpses of the characters through a few lines of dialogue, which is why I am also eschewing my usual aversion for canonical characters.

At least for me, I'll be relying on the Wiki to make sure all the NPCs are at least somewhat consistent. And a little youtube magic if I really want to go overboard. :P

Overall, I think that most characters have a very easily identifiable theme or tone that permeates their character, leaving a lot of room for creative license with the details. Plus... you know, these are extraordinary circumstances that ought to take them outside their comfort zones.

[CeruleanSerenity]

Looking over the wiki and videos a bit, that makes sense. The games always put action first, so the characters are more designed to be immediately likeable archetypes than complex actors... which makes them easier to jump into and write in any situation. At least, that's how I remember it.

Looking over the characters, I would probably be fine with any scenario... there are enough characters I think I'd like playing (plus, there are the characters not associated with the main three, and the possibility of alliances).

[Inerrant Lust]

To their credit, the games try to keep the story going. I just think there got to be too many characters that there's just only so much you can show.

I only played 3, 5, and 8. 3 was the awkward pubescent phase of the Playstation 2, so there wasn't much to it. 5 had a story mode for each character, which was rad. Every mission had a little narration preceding it, but it was usually the character repeating their catchphrase ad naseum (drink everytime Cow Cow says ambition, everytime Ma Chao says justice, ect. ect.) 8's story mode narrowed the focus a bit, usually just to the faction leader's personal story... but most characters got a moment to shine in a playable stage as a playable character. I was surprised at the depth of 8. Sima Zhao, for instance, turns into a cold and heartless ruler (as he was historically) if you aren't able to save his older brother. In the hypothetical route where you save his brother, he remains a laid-back surfer dude.

But if I may put my personal input, Daqiao and Xiaoqiao are just a little too... infantalized for my taste. Thar's just the impression I get from them for being so cutesy. Also, Bao Sanniang already seems kind of like a 'free spirit' who wouldn't really change much over the course of an RP like this. Even so, if you have an alternate interpretation of a character, there's probably plenty of room to flex with it. :P

Oh, and you're right! There could be a scenario where Wei is bearing down on the Wu/Shu alliance and players could be from either of the latter kingdoms. And the Other heroines could be explored as well (What are Diao Chan and Lu Lingqi up to after Lu Bu's downfall?)... Heck, Zhurong might as well count as Shu.

[Inerrant Lust]

Perusing through the wiki some more, some of those other girls even have Dynasty Warriors-esque designs to them.



In order from left to right, top to bottom;
Wang Tao, one of two sisters that fawn over Guan Suo
Wang Yue, the other sister
Lady Xiahou, the girl that Zhang Fei just about kidnapped and married....
Zhuge Something, apparently Zhuge Liang's older sister. Huh.
Li Something, a very late Shu waifu I didn't mention. She committed suicide when her husband surrendered to Jin.
Xi Something, apparently the wife of Pang Tong's brother who got separated from him shortly before Chi Bi. Dunno why Koei.
Zhao Eqin, her husband was killed and she sharpened a sword day and night until she finally avenged him. Then was pardoned. Badass.
Bian Something, Cao Cao's wife. Raised most of his kids, even those who weren't from her. Known for being wise and modest.
Cao Jie, Cao Cao's daughter. Married the Emperor after the last Empress was implicated in a plot to have Cao Cao killed.
Cui Something. Cao Cao's daughter-in-law. She was executed from wearing an embroidered robe, which was against the law for some reason. Huh.
Zhang Changpu, Zhong Hui's mother. That's about all I could find.
Yuanji Something, Wu. Don't know anything else. *shrug*
Liu Shi, Yuan Shao's wife? Famously killed all the courtesans she didn't like.
Sun Luban, Sun Quan's eldest daughter nicknamed Big Tiger. A calculating and power-hungry woman.
Another picture of Sun Luban.
Sun Luyu, Sun Quan's youngest daughter with Lianshi. Got into a dispute with Sun Luban and was executed. Poor girl.
Wu Guotai, Sun Jian's wife. Put plenty of people in their place.
Xu Something. Sun Quan's sister-in-law. Avenged her husband by cleverly entrapping his assassins one by one.
Jia Nanfeng. Jia Chong's daughter. Commonly portrayed as a villianess who instigated rebellion.
Xin Xianying. Jin. Was known as being very intelligent and austere.
Dong Bai. Dong Zhuo's granddaughter. Was given a high rank before she came of age.
Zou Something. The widowed beauty that enamored Cao Cao and caused Dian Wei's death.
Empress He. The Empress who Dong Zhuo deposed.
Fan Yufeng, the widow who was offered to marry Zhao Yun but he declined.
Feng Shi, Yuan Shu's Empress. Beloved by her husband, causing the other concubines to murder her. Ouch.
Huaman, Daughter of Meng Huo and Zhurong. Another Guan Suo fangirl.

And yes... I do go way overboard when something fascinates me. I consider myself quite versed in Three Kingdoms lore but I had no idea that there were so many fascinating ladies of the time period. It's a shame that so little was recorded of them.

[Inerrant Lust]

So, hey, Dynasty Warriors 9 is out and as a complete shill for all things Sanguo, of course I bought it.

So of course this idea has been crawling back into my brain, begging to be realized. While I think there's less room for affectionate parody in the new open world system than the old style, there's still plenty of shenanigans to be had... plus, I'm all for parodying all the games so expect a bunch of pressing up against the 4th wall...

Edit: To wit, playing DW9 today as Zhang Xingcai, I got a little side mission called 'Appreciation for the Lookouts' which involves "giving a pep talk" to the soldiers at the guard towers. ::) ::) ::)