Topic: Story Swapping!

[Sabby]

This thread is to trade and discuss outlandish, dangerous, expensive, painful, and stupid actions taken on by you, or someone you know... for the lulz.

My best one was when me and a few friends went to this horrible little beach hut (it was a shed with filthy beds in it and old style fridges that didn't work so well, out in the bush)

They told me that coconut milk was flammable. I swore black and blue they were wrong, so they went out and got a coconut from the sand, and lit it on fire. I apologized, and admitted I was wrong, and then they revealed that they had filled it with spirits and stashed it there.

We all laughed, and then they get it in their heads to play soccer... let me set the scene for you. We are out in this filthy hut, which likely has spiders and snakes, surrounded by black sand, the dirtiest kind, all barefoot, and a thousand miles away from a ROAD, let alone a freakin' hospital... and these guys start kicking around a ball of flaming spirits.

And they weren't content with just soccer... my little brother played hacky sack, and bounced it from knee to knee until OMG HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! His pants are on fire! Being on one foot at the time and horrible off balance, he launches into the air and lands on his cheek, exactly the opposite of what he was trying to douse.

After having the flames beaten out, he gets up and continues the game like nothing happened... it ended when my friend Dallas got third degree burns all over his foot and ankle. I went inside to find the first aid kit, and found a rusty metal box with nothing in it but an old bottle with a faded label... this thing was a tetanus risk, not a medkit!

I took it outside, dropped it on the ground, and walked over it (Halo reference. They laughed) this poor guy went 5 days with only Vodka to stem the pain, and when we went home, mum offered to drive him to the hospital... and he declined to play World of Warcraft.


So share you Jackass inspired or just generally idiotic drunken trips to the hospital here.

[Kaizen]

How I Lost My Front Teeth by: Kaizen

At the time I had no license and wasn't able to drive anywhere yet so I was reduced to making or finding my own trouble.  I got my tale beat just about every day for one thing or another. I would say spanked, but that wouldn't be doing the toughness of my derriere any justice.  But anyways, my brother, friends, and myself set things on fire, set ourselves on fire, played dangerously with archery equipment - think shooting an arrow straight up in the air and trying to catch it on its way down... and any number of other crazy things boys would do.  Through all of my life I had managed not to break a single bone.  I had fallen out of trees two or three stories high and bounced, I had been run over by four wheelers, crashed dirt bikes and still no broken bones.  I thought I was indestructible.

One fall afternoon, near the start of my freshman year, some friends came over and we were restless.  Behind my house was a convenience store and a feed mill, and there was a small pile of sand nearby.  Someone, I forgot who, got the bright idea to play King of the Mountain on the sand hill.  For those of you who don't know what King of the Mountain is I will give a brief explanation.  One person occupies the top of the 'mountain' he is the king.  Everyone else tries to knock the king off and become the king themselves.  That's it.  There's no end to the game except when the participants are too exhausted to continue or someone gets hurt.  The latter event was the end of our King of the Mountain match that fall afternoon.

I had procured my spot as the King and was doing quite well to defend my position.  (this is my story so of course I'm going to make myself look as good as possible) Two friends decided to attack at once, one high and one low.  I dodged the low intruder and tucked my shoulder in to prepare for the high attacker's collision.  Right at the last moment he jumped and leap frogged over me, using his hands to push my head directly into my knee. 

CRUNCH

Something wasn't right, I knew it right away.  I felt chicklets in my mouth and spit them into the palm of my hand.  There were the fragments of my front two teeth.  Awesome, I thought, until the pain began.  The roots stayed attached to my gumline and were dangling free in the air.  Every time I opened my mouth and exposed them to any sort of breeze, the pain was throbbing and sharp.  To this day I have never felt any pain so sensitive and intense as exposed tooth nerves.

I went to the dentist, who wasn't very happy about having to come in after hours, and got a temporary cap.  For about a week, I attended high school with no front teeth.  I kept my mouth shut a lot and tried to avoid as much embarrassment as I could...

To this day I'm not supposed to bite into anything crunchy.  Apples, carrots, anything tough...  But I have porcelain caps now and unless I told you, you wouldn't be able to tell that my front two teeth are false.

[Sabby]

Me and my friends were skipping school, walking down the street, and suddenly, I see my mum. I panic, and sprint for the bushes, which gained more attention then simply walking by could have. Thinking back to cartoon's physics, I dived head first into a square cut hedge, expecting to enter a comfortable and concealing haven...

Alas, it does not work that way.

It was like jumping into a barrel of sticks. I became lodged halfway in, with my legs sticking out the top, while my head to my stomach were scratched and bleeding. Mum walks up to the bush and just looks at me.

"Hello son"

"...hello mother"

"You okay in there?"

"Yeah, I'm good"

"Very well, carry on"

And she just walks off, not even mad, smirking and trying not to laugh xD She was a fucking awesome parent.