Do you still fall in love the older you get?

[Sergeant]

So I've been thinking about this quite a lot and was wondering if others were experiencing the same thing?

Of course I have felt romantic love for somebody in the passed few years, but if I am honest with myself I haven't felt those so called 'butterflies' in a long time, The tinge in the pit of your stomach that both hurts and feels incredibly good?

The last time I have felt that specific feeling was, I think, when I was 23.... Considering I am 28, I wonder if it has anything to do with getting older that 'prevents' me from feeling that?



What do you think?

[Mathim]

I think it depends on what your personal definition of love is. I don't think mine is the same as probably most others'. What I considered love, which I've only felt once before, isn't something I believe I am even capable of feeling the older I get because of how cynical and jaded I've become about it and many other things. So that said, I believe it's something that very much varies from person to person.

[Shores]

I feel like everyone gets jaded the older we grow. So it not only becomes harder to open yourself up to others, but also for others to open themselves up to you. I have less time, they have less time. When you can't really get to know a person, it's almost impossible to fall in love.

[Nico]

I think it depends on what your personal definition of love is.

This.

Love is likely as much a label as many other things. What is love to one person, isn't to another. Personally, I've never believed in those 'butterflies' but this only shows how different people are. :-) I can't tell if I can still fall in love, because I love my husband. I also love my friends but that's a completely different premise. But, I wouldn't exclude the possibility of falling in love.

[midnightblack]

Of course I have felt romantic love for somebody in the passed few years, but if I am honest with myself I haven't felt those so called 'butterflies' in a long time, The tinge in the pit of your stomach that both hurts and feels incredibly good?

The last time I have felt that specific feeling was, I think, when I was 23.... Considering I am 28, I wonder if it has anything to do with getting older that 'prevents' me from feeling that?

A brand new experience could possibly give you those thrills once more, but as long as we're talking about things that you've been exposed to in the past and have grown accustomed with, I guess it's unlikely to happen. When you're very young, everything is new and wonderful.  :-)

[Beguile's Mistress]

As we grow older we gain experience from our relationships and I think that makes it harder for us to find love.  It isn't impossible but we've learned to look deeper so falling in love is less likely.  That doesn't make it impossible, just less likely.

[Mathim]

This.

Love is likely as much a label as many other things. What is love to one person, isn't to another. Personally, I've never believed in those 'butterflies' but this only shows how different people are. :-) I can't tell if I can still fall in love, because I love my husband. I also love my friends but that's a completely different premise. But, I wouldn't exclude the possibility of falling in love.

Exactly, that lovey-dovey ideal isn't something I can subscribe to as any more real than the tooth fairy. I understand how fleeting it is, like a high (meaning you're not fully able to look at it objectively in the moment so you'll be mistaking things for being there when they're not or just not being what you thought they were), and it never lives up to its expectations and when it's over and you look back on it, you realize it never really was what you believed it was in the first place.

[Sergeant]

@Mathim + Shores+ Nico+Beguile's Mistress; Oh I’m truly just focusing on those butterflies I haven’t felt in ages. I can definitely still fall in love, and have done so a few times in the past year. But those excited feelings, those pleasant aches were always absent.

@Midnightblack; You have a point here, but then I wonder… Even tho the experience isn’t new, the person is? So wouldn’t that be enough to jet start some of those butterflies? Getting to know somebody completely different, have them show interest in you etc. etc?

@Mathim; It’s not not real as I have felt ‘butterflies’ before in my life, a few times as well. So to me it really is something I know I CAN feel but don’t seem to feel anymore the older I get. I agree, it’s very very fleeting in some cases, but I’ve had long relationships where I definitely felt them in the beginning.


What I’m trying to say is… I know you can’t base a decision on being with somebody on whether you feel those butterflies or not, that’s very unrealistic and I don’t do that AT ALL. I just don’t understand why something that used to come quite easily has seemed to disappear from my range of emotions.

Let’s use for example….  holding a person’s hand. Somebody I’m interested in and have been pursuing for a while. That should at least give me some excitement right? But most of the times it’s more of a feeling like; another person, another hand. Even if I do end up falling in love with them.

[Nico]

Exactly, that lovey-dovey ideal isn't something I can subscribe to as any more real than the tooth fairy. I understand how fleeting it is, like a high (meaning you're not fully able to look at it objectively in the moment so you'll be mistaking things for being there when they're not or just not being what you thought they were), and it never lives up to its expectations and when it's over and you look back on it, you realize it never really was what you believed it was in the first place.

Yep!

I believe, those 'butterflies' are more common when someone is infatuated. But that's not the same as being in love. Infatuation never least long, anyways.

[Beguile's Mistress]

As Nico says, butterflies come with infatuation.  However, if you do fall in love and the object of your affection returns that emotion you find those flutter and the spark of connection as you grow closer.  It has worked that way for me.

[Sergeant]

@Nico+Beguile's Mistress


Can't infatuation turn into love? And that makes me wonder if for these past years, I then never truly was 'smitten' with somebody even though they checked all the boxes?
I have fallen in love and known the other to fall in love with me, but that never gave me flutters. More a feeling of calmness and contentment.

[Oniya]

I have fallen in love and known the other to fall in love with me, but that never gave me flutters. More a feeling of calmness and contentment.

I think that the feeling of calmness and contentment is a different type of 'falling in love'.  Instead of the 'this could go very well but I'm scared it could go very wrong' that we have when we start exploring the wilderness of relationships, it's more of the 'this is going very well' that you have as someone who knows what the trail-signs mean.

[Nico]

@Nico+Beguile's Mistress


Can't infatuation turn into love? And that makes me wonder if for these past years, I then never truly was 'smitten' with somebody even though they checked all the boxes?
I have fallen in love and known the other to fall in love with me, but that never gave me flutters. More a feeling of calmness and contentment.

I think it can! But it doesn't have to happen. God knows that I have been smitten quite often, but only once it turned into love.

Calmness and contentment are awesome, though! Love is so hard to describe, I think. I mean, when I think about my husband and myself? I know that I love him. I've never loved someone like I love him. It feels.. content. Safe. Calm. Peaceful. All this and then some.

[Sergeant]

I definitely felt grateful to be in a relationship that gave me peace of mind. But I still want to redirect to those jittery feelings of excitement in the beginning. It's just weird to me that it never happens anymore. Like I said, yeah dating is doing stuff you've done multiple times before but it's still with a new person so that on its own, if the other is my type, should give me some sort of bugs, no?


I hear what you're all saying tho.

[Blythe]

I'm 29. I still get butterflies at people from time to time.

However, it's less common than it was when I was younger.

Part of this, I feel, comes from the fact I am a more confident person now. I used to get 'butterflies' during that infatuation phase when I invested a lot of self-worth into whether or not my feelings would be reciprocated. Now that I'm more confident and invest much less of my self-worth into that sort of thing, I find I don't get butterflies as often. (Coincidentally, over time, my ability to handle rejection got a lot better as my ability to have those butterflies seems to be gently ebbing)

Though I do find I'm more likely to get them during my very first impression of someone if I get them--usually if I suddenly discover someone I've just met who I find attractive is also into something I really adore (like tabletop gaming). That usually suddenly sends me into 'butterflies.'

[Sergeant]

I'm 29. I still get butterflies at people from time to time.

However, it's less common than it was when I was younger.

Part of this, I feel, comes from the fact I am a more confident person now. I used to get 'butterflies' during that infatuation phase when I invested a lot of self-worth into whether or not my feelings would be reciprocated. Now that I'm more confident and invest much less of my self-worth into that sort of thing, I find I don't get butterflies as often. (Coincidentally, over time, my ability to handle rejection got a lot better as my ability to have those butterflies seems to be gently ebbing)

Though I do find I'm more likely to get them during my very first impression of someone if I get them--usually if I suddenly discover someone I've just met who I find attractive is also into something I really adore (like tabletop gaming). That usually suddenly sends me into 'butterflies.'

I definitely can relate to the confidence thing. When I was younger I DID look at any potential partner to be a validation that I was worth something. Now, having gone through some bad relationships that took years for me to put behind me, I am very confident in the man I am today. I take care of myself, both physically and financially and I try to be as good of a person as possible.

It's funny that when I talk to my friends about one of the specific reasons why I am single or it's hard for me to be in a relationship they stop me and go "you're too independent". So yes, very much yes, the 'fear' of getting rejected is much less as it doesn't define me as a worthy person or not and that can also be a big reason why those butterflies might not come anymore.

Thanks for your input Blythe.

[Heathcliff Moors]

Being 44 I feel a little more qualified to answer this...  ;)

Yes I can fall in love, I can feel butterflies and enjoy romantic mooshy stuff. If anything and this may just be me but I don't think about the till death do us part thing anymore though. I just enjoy the feeling for whatever it is for however long it lasts. But I can feel love and affection. I don't think we ever stop feeling those things.

We can become more cynical and jaded though and that can prevent us from embracing those feelings or taking the chance. But that doesn't mean the feelings aren't there.

[RedRose]

I see little old people in love, so I like to think it can stay that way!