Swashbuckler's playground

[Captain Maltese]

Swashbuckler's playground! A training area for those who can combine the swift sword and the fleet foot with a quick repartee. Rules? 1) It's not allowed to actually damage anyone. 2) A post should both include a defensive move, followed by an agressive move, and include a quip or taunt or similar. Think Errol Flynn, Robin Hood, Men In Tights, Princess Bride, Pirates of the Caribbean - get it?

If someone is asking for a fight, join - yes, more than two can fight at a time but be clear about who you challenge. If whoever posted last isn't online, go to the center of the ring and make a taunt yourself. If someone ARE fighting, jump in and ask if anyone dare raise a blade toward you ;D

------------------------


*CptCalico goes to the centre of the ring and faces the gate. He lifts his saber and shouts * Come on ye louts, show me ye got some teeth!

[Cutter]

*Cutter circles the ring like a pacing Lion and then  raising his cutlass, legs apart,

"I'm inclined to show you a bit more than teeth!"

[Captain Maltese]

*CptCalico paces in the same clockwise direction, then makes a light feint*

"Hey sailor, keep your pants on!"

[Cutter]

*Cutter is amused at the Capt's footwork and follows him with the point of his blade, moving with his center of gravity balanced*

"Aye, being a swab,  I reckoned you'd jest about men's britches"

[Captain Maltese]

*keeps pacing, but mixes in a few tango steps*
*pounces forward, tickles Cutter's swordtip, steps back *

"Better to jest about men's breeches than to be a jest in man's breeches!"

[Cutter]

*Cutter's smiles and his feet move quickly forward, the cutlass springs forward  like a viper engaging the Captain's metal-with an audible clang. Then steps back as if in minuet *

"Ah..Pray, you do speak from experience, no doubt? The Whores of Babylon call you 'dingy, if I'm not mistaken"

[Captain Maltese]

*CptCalico jumps up on a barrel, turns around and slaps his ass at Cutter, dances round and moves his saber to the other hand*

"Hey, I'll leave frequenting of whores to you, landlubber. When I get it on with women, they offer ME money!"

[Cutter]

*kicks the Barrel*

"Methinks they give you money out of pity,  Capt Jester"

[Captain Maltese]

*somersaults in the air, lands on the side of the barrel and rolls it fast toward Cutter, bangs away his blade with force and smacks the saber flatside into Cutter's ass as he rolls on. He jumps up before the barrel leaves out the gate, grabbing the beams on the open next level of the barn and climbing up. He pokes nose at Cutter.*

"In that case I must be a successful beggar indeed, to get such rich donations from so many and so pretty women! That vest of yours look rather ragged...been fishing in the trashheaps again?"

[Cutter]

* shoots forward, blade hissing as the it slices a small line in the Captains legging. Cutter pivots and engages the Captain's blade with flurry of clangs and withdraws, slowly stepping backward, arms spread.

"Aye, the fishmongers bear as striking resemblance to your sisters. The smell more so."

[Captain Maltese]

*grabs a tackle rope and descends on it behid Cutter, and makes a big notch in his belt before jumping up on a haywagon*

"The smell is all YOU'll ever know of a woman, cur!"

[Greenthorn]

*throws a dagger, which successfully misses each of the bumbling men, but lands with loud THUD into a pillar, gaining their attention.  She then tosses her long hair back with a swoop of her hand and smiles as she tosses a few gold coins onto the ground*

"I will pay both of you to cease your banter and show this woman a proper swordfight.  Unless of course your banter is all you have to offer?"

*raises an eyebrow and looks over the men*

[Captain Maltese]

*throws dark narrow eyes at the newcomer and paces until the distance between him, her and Cutter is equal*

"What's that, prettylips, coin for watching or coin for joining in? And if the latter, joining in on what? Is that a sword in your hands or just your undies?"

[Greenthorn]

*throws head back and laughs*

"From what I've been hearing, you wouldn't know what panties even look like to discern the difference!"

[Captain Maltese]

*he looks into the air, tilts his head, then nods*

"I must admit that the girls tend to remove them so fast I never really get to take much of a look at them."

*he jumps down from the wago, leans onto the wheel and wiggles his eyebrows*

"Silly me, of course it can't be your undies. I doubt you've ever had a pair to call your own!"

[Greenthorn]

*lifts her dress and looks down.  she drops her dress quickly and raises her hand to her mouth in mock surprise*

"My!!...you're correct!!  It seems as if I am wearing your panties"

[Captain Maltese]

*puts his hands on his lips and whistles*

"Indeed! The very pair, judging by their likeness! Seeing as *I* always go commando!"

*sidles closer, sheathing his saber for a nice little dagger*

[Greenthorn]

*eyes his approach and smiles*

"Well since I have proven my words with evidence, perhaps you can return the favor?*

*exaggerates a frown*

"You approach me with a weapon and leave your quarry behind?  Are you sure you own some manhood in those pants of yours?  They do seem a bit...lacking"

[Cutter]

"Oi, speaking of fishmongers......."

*Eyes the bold lass. *

"Come to peddle your wares? Methinks I have a cooper piece"

*rummages through pockets and produces a bit of lint.*

"That'll do for you"

[Greenthorn]

*scowls and produces another dagger from her thigh sheath*

"Perhaps I shall cut out your tongue and give it to your friend to use for his pleasure?*

[Captain Maltese]

"Very well, wench!" He throws his saber and dagger aside, lowers his pants, uses both hands to display his equipment, then hoists the pants again and assumes the fighting stance of a brawler*

"Now if you are finished yapping, can you tell if there is any fighting spirit there besides that poison tongue?"

[Captain Maltese]

*notices that weapons are back in play and bounces for his two*

"Hey! You two, don't start bleeding before I'm ready to join in!"

[Greenthorn]

*laughs at the display brought out before her*

"I'm sure you would love to wrestle with me and allow your hands to explore unknown territory.  And yes, with your package, my body would be unknown territory, and I'm sure my "poison tongue" gives women much more pleasure than your...sword"

[Captain Maltese]

*he paces back to the point where the two others are of equal distance to him, now holding the dagger in his left and the saber in his right hand*

"That sounds like a challenge? Bring one of those lasses you refer to over here, and then we can both give'er a go!"

[Cutter]

*adjust his prominent bulge at both*


"Let us dance, shall we?"

*eyes glittering with menace*

"Perhaps with yon Captains equipment and your so-called tongue, you could entertain the feeble and infirm, or they might be a bit much for you scrubs."

[Greenthorn]

*draws a line from her neck to her cleavage then looks up to respond*

"Sir, there would be no competition, for once I've pleasured her, she would pass out.  Oh, that's correct...those are your favorite kind of women...and the only kind you can take"

*looks passed the Captain then back to him*

"I might have to say we should dispose of the rat in the corner my dear Captain"

[Captain Maltese]

"Sure we can entertain the feeble and infirm. That's you Cutter, isn't it?"

*he nods to Greenthorn* "Keep him busy!"

*runs and gets something from inside the wagon*

[Greenthorn]

*licks her lips and adjusts her bosom*

"So Cutter, would you like to show me your...sword?

[Captain Maltese]

*shouts over* "More like a pocketknife, I bet!"

[Greenthorn]

*stifles a laugh*

[Cutter]

*Grins, revealing curiously lupine teeth*

"Indeed, however, Can you quite grasp one as thick and cumbersome as my...cutlass?"

"and , please, ignore the Swab. He bemoans that his knife's blade is dull and flimsy, hardly a weapon to deflower  a dandelion, let alone a fertile delta."

[Captain Maltese]

*jumps on top of the wagon, slides down it and throws the fishnet over the oaf, pulling hard to land the man in the sand*

"Now Cut your way through that one, unless you WANT to lie there and be taken advantage of!"

*eyes Greenthorn*

"Now where were we....you were going to demonstrate the superiority of your tongue over my tool. How about demonstrating the superiority of your tongue ON my tool?"

[Greenthorn]

*approaches the Captain and circles him, trailing her hand across his chest*  (*drops dagger and kicks it over to the poor trapped rat*)

*whispers in the Captains ear*

"Or how about I watch the swordfight and see who's tool I'd like to tongue?"

[Cutter]

*slides straight razor from boot and cuts through the net*

*picks up the lass's dagger by the point and deftly flings it by the Captains head, nicking off a bit of his mane as the dagger thuds into a wood post*

"Thanks luv. It has an agreeable balance."

"Fair enough, m'lay, but perhaps we can reach gentleman's agreement and you shall have two swords to wield?"

*eyes narrow to slits*

"Or spill blood."

[Captain Maltese]

"Oh, I'm certain blood won't be spilled. She can't possibly be a virgin."

*runs straight past Greenthorn and jumps into the wall behind her, kicks back and sends her flying into Cutter's arms, rolls on the floor and rises up to stand tightly behind her so she's positively sandwiched*

"Or perhaps we should check to make sure."

[Cutter]

"The man does move fast for a Swab!"

Bodies pressed tight. Breath in ragged gasps.

"Uh, I hope that's your dagger, my love...."

[Greenthorn]

*smiles as Cutter catches her in his arms, but raises eyebrows as the Captain stands behind her*

"I assure you dearest Captain that I have gotten more action than your best friend Rosey"

*throws her head back and it crashes into the Captain's nose as she steps away from Cutter*

"Seems I am in the midst of scoundrels, not gentlemen!"

[Captain Maltese]

*curses as he dries his nose*

"And what would gentlemen want you for, sport? Someone to train the fox hounds on?"

*sidles off to find a solid rope*

[Cutter]

"Bested again, by the fairer sex. 'Tis a long, sad Littany, Eh Captain?"

*smiles and bows to the Lady*

"Well, played. And, truth be told, I'm no gentleman, m'lady. It seems you are indeed in the company of scoundrels and methinks that suits you admirably, so ,please, let us dispense with the charade of manners!"

[Greenthorn]

*watches the Captain and prepares herself for whatever he may be planning*

"Well Cutter, gentlemen you two may not be, but I am a lady, even if I do tend to surround myself with scoundrels"

*turns to blows a kiss to Cutter*

"Although I can sometimes do some very...unladylike things"

[Cutter]

* begins to pace like a carnivore*

"Indeed, we are scoundrels, my fair lady. The Good Captain pretends other wise. He is a learned fellow, full of verse and syntax. As for me, well, I am a unrepentant reprobate. I do not hide behind pretense. 'Tis a dreary masquerade."

*catches the gossamer kiss*

"Really, now. Unlady like things,eh ? Say, mend a sail?  Re-work a turbine?"

[Greenthorn]

*nods to Cutter but keeps looking over her shoulder for the elusive Captain*

"Maybe I will show you how I can make a man weak in his knees then leave the sail mending to the Captain.  Those hands of his must be good for something, since touching a woman's body isn't one of them"

[Cutter]

*stops his insistent pacing*

"Indeed, you are possessed with a keen insight, m'lady. The Captain, being a trapped on his wooden kingdom with nothing but MEN about him, one does wonder if he does mend more than the scupper boys breeches?"

" If thou wishes to educate me in such matters, my sweet, please, I am an apt pupil."

[Captain Maltese]

*throws a 40 pounds hayball into Cutter's face, then picks up a bucket of cold water and throws it all over Greenthorn's front*

"Something for your big mouth to graze on Cutter...and something for the cat in heat! Hey, Cutter, how come you are the one who keeps talking about the scupper boys' breeches?"

[Greenthorn]

*jaw drops, hands go out to the sides-then the smile appears*

"Why Captain, is this the only way you know how to make a woman wet?"

[Captain Maltese]

"Certainly not, wench - get down on your knees and give me a hand, and you'll get one of the other ways demonstrated right away. And I KNOW Cutter will be ready to get you even wetter, that way."

*lies down in the hay, looking like the very picture of feigned innocene with a straw in his mouth and his hands over his head - and with the saber readily at hand*

[Greenthorn]

"Wait a few moments Captain..and stay right there.  I have just what you need"

*she laughs and goes off to bring back just what the Captain needs*

[Greenthorn]

*returns in a few moments with a bucket and smiles at the Captain*

"Glad to see you are still rolling in the hay, although I will note, rolling in the hay...alone!"

*smiling she walks over and pours the bucket full of water and leeches onto the Captain*

"You were looking for something to suck you right?"

[Captain Maltese]

"AAAAAAARGH! Right, the gloves are officially OFF!"

*runs to the corner while brushing off leashes, returns with a small bucket of leather polishing oil, pushes Greeenthorn down into the hay, straddles her and slowly showers her with the liquid*

[Greenthorn]

*falls harshly down in the hay and looks in surprise at the oil being poured on her-then smirks*

"Captain, I'm so flattered that you want me wet and slippery.  But from what I saw you wouldn't need any lubrication!"

*looks to the side for her dagger and sighs when she realizes it is out of her reach*

[Captain Maltese]

*nods sadly*

"It's true, I don't need it, with equipment this hard I slide in wherever. YOU will probably want all the lubrication you can get, however..."

*Helps the oil soak properly into Greenthorn's dress with his hands before rising up and going to the other side of the barn*

"So, are you going to Slide over and attempt to wound me with anything but your tongue?"

[Greenthorn]

*watches the Captain rub his hands all over her dress and shakes her head*

"Usually a man prefers lotions when rubbing his hands all over me...ahhh...but not the Captain!"

*peers over to Cutter and rolls her eyes*

"What good are you?!"

[Cutter]

*Cutter composes himself*


"Again, my fair lady, the Captain likes it dry, as his love life."

*grins, flashing his teeth*

"What good am I? Well, that question is rhetorical, now isn't it?"

[Greenthorn]

*realizes she is soaked in flammable oil she quickly jumps up*

"I think I see our Captain's next move."

*quickly removes her dress and is left in her undergarments. she angrily walks over and picks up her dagger then looks to Cutter*

"On your feet rat! You and I have just become comrades against that leech loving man!"

[Cutter]

*eyes the cruelly sharp point of the dagger and Greenthorn clad in her clingy undergarments*

'"Ahh, to suffer both, the penultimate of pleasure/pain principle."


*swipes cutlass to and fro*

"The game is indeed afoot!"

[Captain Maltese]

*draws his saber again and eyes his opponents warily, before looking at Greenthorn and grinning mockingly*

"I guess I should be happy that you want to see me be sucked!"

*takes the first step by throwing a big handful of feathers on her, then sidles quickly to Cutter and gives his belt another notch, making it fall apart and down along with his pants*

"Okay...show me what you got, chickens!"

[Cutter]

The Captain's movements were quick, almost serpent like.

*I commend your maneuvers ,sir,  and the air does feel good upon my prodigious flesh. However, methinks my dirk has made you the same"

*holds up The Captain's belt with the tip of his dirk*

"You engage a wee bit too close"

[Greenthorn]

"Yes Captain, you have successfully gotten me out of my dress, take a long hard look, it may be the only woman's undergarments you see for another ten years"

*laughs at the sight Cutter's downed pants offered*

"Well it seems I am not the only one here without a bulge"

*watches as Cutter goes to return the favor to Captain*

"Maybe I should leave you two lovers alone?"

[Captain Maltese]

*isn't half as worried about the belt and pants as about where the dirk's tip is placed*

"I should have known you'd be eager to get into my pants, scoundrel!"

*moves his saber blade betwwe Cutters legs*

"Stand a few steps back, perhaps?"

*whisper "Let's join forces and pull the wench down!"*

[Cutter]

*Bows head slightly *

"Eager to get your pants down, methinks that's the pot calling the kettle black, for who did start the "breeches 'war eh?"

"I'll consider your offer, if You remove that blade from betwixt my legs and Ii shan't slice your neck open."

*moves tip of cutlass a hair's breadth from Captain's jugular*

"The Saucy wench may be the death of us, you know"

*eyes Greethorn's defiant stance, hips jutting out, legs  spread firmly apart. Eyes narrowed to slits*

'Ah, 'twould be a glorious demise..."

[Captain Maltese]

*nods, and and returns the saber to its sheath*

*whispers "I'll handle the dagger you handle the wench. On my signal..."

*begins to strip out of his shirt*

[Greenthorn]

*laughs and tosses the dagger to the side*

"I am now unarmed, but it will still take the two of you boys to get me down"

*licks finger and draws it down her chin, ending with a swirl over her chest*

"Come and try"

[Cutter]

*smirks*

"Agreed, Captain."

"And the gauntlet has been tossed our saucy wench. It would be quite a violation of Parliamentary procedure if we did ignore her challenge"

*licks lips at Greenthorn's defiant pose*

[Captain Maltese]

*crouches low and holds his shirt like a net*
*glances at Cutter and counts down. '5...4...1 GO!
*springs forward toward Greenthorn, bounces in the air in front of her and thrusts the shirt down over her hair, pushing her backward as he lands and grabs her wrists*

"What are you WAITING for, dude?"

[Cutter]

"Why, for you to do all of the leg work, Captain. Patience is a virtue, you know.."

*saunters over*

[SerpentKiss]

*A flash of light blinds Cutter's eyes, reflected off of the saber wielded by none other than SerpentKiss, swashbuckler extraordinaire*

Hardly seems gentlemenly now does it? Two against one, to a woman no less?

[Captain Maltese]

*looks up very briefly from his struggle *

"Hey Mister Patient, will you take care of that snake? I'm sort of busy..."

[SerpentKiss]

*hisses between his teeth, a smirk playing across his face*

Oh...well...perhaps she is more than one of you can handle...but still, it'd be rude to do anything less than at least feigning assistance...

*turns his attention to Cutter*

[Greenthorn]

*rolls her eyes at Cutter*

Captain, he is hardly a man, do you really expect him to rush over to a woman who is...helpless?"

*blinks at the arrival os the serpenty one and smirks*

"Oh my, a hero walks in"

*lowers her voice*

"Another man to corrupt!"

[SerpentKiss]

*laughs at GT's comment*

Hardly a Hero...was just bored and heard cries of a damsel in distress. If I'd known that these two were the damsels...I wouldn't have bothered.

[Greenthorn]

*grins*

"Ahhh a man who can SEE what is before him.  Indeed, two damsels and one lady present here"

[Captain Maltese]

*uses the chance while Cutter is being distanced, to move his hands slowly down along the oiled arms of the lady. The hands slide velvetlike downward.*

"Sounds about right. Me, a lady, and two damsels."

*readies a cruel, cruel plan*

[Greenthorn]

*grins at the Captain*

"Ohhhh Captain, perhaps I have chosen the wrong adversary"

*whispers into Captain's ear*

"Let's dispose of them quickly and make better use of your hands once we are alone"

[Captain Maltese]

*lifts his eyebrows in approval*

"What an Excellent idea, my dear. The hay over at the other end of the barn is so soft, too."

*removes the shirt from Greenthorn's head*


*draws his saber and slithers toward Serpentkiss*

"Ahoy, scoundrel! Care to back up that big mouth with at least a little steel?"

[Greenthorn]

*looks over to Cutter and winks..then lays down on the hay*

"Ohhh Captain...why wait..let's show them what you're made of..let them drool"

[SerpentKiss]

Careful now...

*twists the pommel of his saber and a small blade juts forth from the grip, in the opposite direction to the saber blade. Serpent holds the blade out horizontally at the new adversary*

Serpent's tend to hide their venom...but rest assured *the smaller blade glistens as if some sort of liquid is on it* that the venom is still there...

[Captain Maltese]

"It is?`Perfect!"

* pounces forward, scrapes his saber along the poison blade to scoop up some liquid, then strikes the blade through the air so the goo drops shoots through the air in SerpentKiss' direction *

*turns to Greenthorn and blows her a kiss*

"No, YOU make them drool - and then I can cut off their tongues when they hang beneat their chins!"

[Greenthorn]

*rolls her eyes at the Captain's blown kiss and huffs*

He sure is hard to distract, perhaps I should take him home.  Wonder if he's just as attentive in the bedroom

"Well hurry up then, this is quite boring and I have better plans for later!"

[Captain Maltese]

*looks at the two stiff and shrugs, then looks down and sees a third and remembers what he was doing a littlw while ago*

*moves over to the Not-exactly-sleeping Beauty*

"Hi there, what is a girl like you doing in a classy joint like this?"

[SerpentKiss]

*Gets splashed by his own venom...which he's immune to, the fabric of his shirt starts to sizzle*

Oh...Oh great...this shirt cost 17 gold dubloons...it's proper silk too...damnit!

*leans on his sword as CptCalico walks off, then spins around, wondering where the hell he is at the mention of 'classy joint'*

[Cutter]

*contemplates  new alliances and tries to keep the ever shifting ones in order*

"Right, so what is it now,eh? Tag-Team, tirfecta-Gang-bang, what?"

[SerpentKiss]

*sheathes his sword, clicking the extra blade back into the grip*

Dull, my good fellow...very dull.

*walks off*

[Cutter]

*arches eyebrow*

"Hmm, perhaps, my good fellow. I admit, I'm not in fine form this day. Perhaps I should have remained more contemplative."

*Tips sword to the departing*

"We cannot be all be master's of wit and witticism such as yourself"

* Sheaths cutlass and bows slightly*

"Methinks a pub might be the best venue for my jocularity"

*saunters off*

[Greenthorn]

*watches the two men walk off then looks back to the Captain and smiles*

"We're all alone and I was hoping to see some swordfighting!"

*looks around and eyes her dagger then smirks at the Captain*

*whispers*

"Let's go find us some true swordsmen, or in the very least ones who will not run from a lady and a seaman"

[Cutter]

*peaks 'round a fence post*

*arches one eyebrow*

" 'Tis a challenge I hear 'pon the wind?"

[Captain Maltese]

*remains sitting in lotus position but lifts his hands and begins to juggle throwing knives*

"I prefer a bladefight to a cockfight, that's for certain."

*one knife mysteriously slips and hits the fencepost one inch away from Cutter's nosetip*

[Cutter]

*Nods*

" I concur. A cock fight can be.... messy with all that slapping and whacking of...feathers...Quite abhorrent. Poor avian creatures...

*yanks out the dagger and let's it sail from his fingers, whisking off  a lock of the Captains' hair.*

[Greenthorn]

*stealthily gets up from the hay and walks behind the barn, formulating a plan*

[Dragoondawg25]

KABOOM!  from out of nowhere the echoing scream of one unfortunate fellow landing backfirst into the hay after being shot from a cannon.  Readying himself to his feet he looked about holding the rapier and pistol in hand.  "What goes here?! and who are you bloody lots, and where the hell am i!?" 

[Lovebug]

*emerges irritably from under the hay, where he has been having a previously restful nap*

*whips out his cutlass and holds it to Dragoondawg's nose*

"I was having a really, really terrific dream - I mean, I can't begin to tell you how good it was - and now I'm not!"

[Captain Maltese]

"Shit! Where did everybody come from?"

*backs hurriedly and climbs to the top of the nearest alecask, then looks around to choose an opponent*

*chooses one*

"With me, Dragoon!"

*crouches, then kicks out and launches himself like a flying porcupine at Lovebug*

[Lovebug]

*casually trims a stray nose hair from Dragoon and turns to parry the flying porcupine's thrust*

"I'm not one of these squeamish fellows that can't sleep in a barn full of corpses."

*spins out and taps the Captain's blade indulgently*

"Have at you!"

[Captain Maltese]

"Have at yourself!"

*lands on his shoulder on the ground and rolls around again, sees a cup of grog and sips it, grimaces and looks for the cat so he can kill it*

*goes into a flurry of rapid little cuts as he closes on Lovebug*

"Hey Dragoon, are you useless without your horse?"

[Lovebug]

"I already had at myself before I went to sleep. Actually, it was kind of dismal and I felt degraded afterwards."

*lunges, deftly picking a gap between the Captain's cuts*

[Captain Maltese]

"Well, know you know how your women feel!"

*swerves before the lunge and taps Lovebugs' guard before falling back.

[Lovebug]

"I didn't get where I am today by knowing how women feel, damn you!"

*pauses, looks down at straw-covered and ill-clad form, sighs mournfully and advances, leading with the point*

[Greenthorn]

*returns from barn struggling to pull a large covered crate led by a rope.  stops when she hears the commotion behind her*

*notices newcomers and groans*

"I'm gonna need more"

*stomps back to the barn*

[Dragoondawg25]

*Stands up as he spits out the stray straws from his mouth as he gags.  Thou he was about to say something he would get a nice barber shop trim from Lovebug. 

"Argh i say laddy good show." said to Lovebug

He tosses him a coppercoin that would ricochet off his head and bonk Capt in the eye. 

"Whoops sorry lad!" said to Capt 

He said pulling out his rapier and pistol as he looked around some before eyeing Greenthorn. 
"you there in the undergarments, what ye doin within that barn?"

[Captain Maltese]

*repays the dawg with a sack foll of copper coins*

'Here's your change!'

*advances on him, saber in one hand and dagger in the other*

[Dragoondawg25]

"Gotta love the exchange rate on these things, savy!"

*Pockets coins and readys himself as he parrys one four with said captain of calico!*

"Where is yon dossy wench?!, she has escaped to the barn!?"

[Greenthorn]

*rolls here eyes from the barn at being called a wench*

*steps out quietly and chucks dagger skillfully, which soars through the air and reaches its target...Dragoon's belt*

*watches his pants fall and shakes her head*

"Dragoon! Didn't your mother tell you to always wear clean underwear?"

*returns to barn and whispers to herself*

"Bunch of men in their drawers out there! What to do, what to do?"

[Dragoondawg25]

Dragoon looked down to his now depantsed self hmms at his little skull shaped boxers. 

"hmmm a bit drafty in here, well no matter, Engarde!" *says raising sword only to have himself trip over his belt his pistol going off shooting a ball bearing shot that bounces from the trough of the barn up to the loft ricochet of the door of the barn and popping the pin to chicken feed box over Greenthorns head.

[Lovebug]

*looks affrontedly at the retreating Captain*

"Stand and fight, you bloody coward!"

*sheaths cutlass and stands about selfconsciously, pausing briefly to laugh at Dragoon's underwear*

[Captain Maltese]

"Coward? You'll eat that in one big bite, you..."

*runs like hell toward Lovebug with the saber held with both hands in front of him like a spear.*

[Lovebug]

"Ha! Trolled!"

*pivots neatly outwards on his left foot, steps back in with his right to send the Captain face-first to the ground, then kneels on his back*

"Gosh, you smell nice."

[Captain Maltese]

"Thanks! I just farted!"

*throws up a hand behind himto catch lovebug's saber hand by the wrist, pulls so he flies forward and the weight on CptCalicos back is reduced, then whirls around and gives lovebug a couple of proper slaps on the ass with the flat of his own saber before propelling off*

"I hope your fighting skills are better than your sinuses!"

[Greenthorn]

*comes from the barn with a handful of roosters and gags at the smell*

"Who needs a diaper change?!"

*walks over to the men and throws the roosters at them all then put her hands on her hips*

"I'm here for the cock fight, since there doesn't seem to be any...real men here..I'm providing you all with...roosters"

[Lovebug]

*pauses and rummages in his breeches for confirmation*

"Thank you kindly, but I brought my own!"

*recovers equanimity briefly but then registers the presence of an actual woman and goes into the sort of sexual trance that only a man who has recently escaped from two years in a Spanish prison can achieve*

[Dragoondawg25]

*Perks a brow to Greenthorn and watches as Chicken feed from said feed box above GT comes spewing forth with corny goodness.*

"Real men you say lassie, well come forth and dance with this devil."

Said while putting a knot in said slashed belt and holding pistol and sword.*

[Galanthor]

"Devil you say? I'll let you meet him"

*draws pistol and shoots open the belt

"Nothing you do could hurt expect your breath!"

*makes his crew of stone like crabs attack by throwing black pearls*

[Captain Maltese]

"...Yeah, sorry about that, I kinda didn't brush my teeth after kissing your mistress good morning."

*grins as he catches a thrown black pearl in the air with his left hand and lets the valuable ball slip into his pocket. The other hand is obviously already holding a saber*

"I like to dance with the devil..."