The Workings of Xandi's Mind

Started by Autumn52, March 17, 2011, 07:10:02 PM

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elone

QuoteThe truth is some people are looking to the past and remaking the same mistakes over and over. 'Why?' you may ask. Simply put some people do not learn from their mistakes, some people refuse to acknowledge that their thinking is set on the wrong path. 'Wrong for who?' you may wonder. Wrong for them.

Unfortunately, even when people know that they are reliving the mistakes of their past, they are not always able to change course. It is often a long and difficult journey to move forward, filled with fear and anxiety.

For those that can overcome these things, a happier and more fulfilling life awaits. If only we could all look through the dark clouds and experience the sunshine.

*hugs for Xandi always*
In the end, all we have left are memories.

Roleplays: alive, done, dead, etc.
Reversal of Fortune ~ The Hunt ~ Private Party Suites ~ A Learning Experience ~A Chance Encounter ~ A Bark in the Park ~
Poetry
O/O's

Autumn52

Quote from: MasterMischief on April 08, 2012, 10:53:15 PM
Remember that media's purpose is to sell something.  Sensationalism sells.  People being decent to one another...not so much.  That does not mean it is not happening.

Thank you for your comment MasterMischief. You bring a valid point to the table. There are good people everywhere. There have always been people who try to do good, they don't have to advertise their good deeds. To those people it is enough that they are paying it forward so to speak. You are correct that good doesn't sell like bad. But I smile each time I read an article about how the human spirit rises above boundaries. I find those articles comforting even if they are far and few between. Thanks again MM. *Hugs*

Quote from: elone on April 09, 2012, 12:12:24 AM
Unfortunately, even when people know that they are reliving the mistakes of their past, they are not always able to change course. It is often a long and difficult journey to move forward, filled with fear and anxiety.

For those that can overcome these things, a happier and more fulfilling life awaits. If only we could all look through the dark clouds and experience the sunshine.

*hugs for Xandi always*

Thank you for your comment elone. I meant in no way to make it sound as if it is an easy task to learn from and stop repeating mistakes. If it were everyone would be doing it. I simply meant to say that for some they are not at a place in their lives where it is possible and for some they chose to keep making those mistakes. In truth my next statement was:
QuoteNo two humans walk the same path, so no two humans have the same experience, which makes each of us unique. I find that thought comforting. What is right for me is not right for someone else. For this fact I love Elliquiy.

My thoughts on this are simply put, I hope one day that the world we live in can come to resemble the community here at E. While this community is not perfect, it does strive to allow everyone a place to feel safe, secure and welcomed no matter what background or likes and dislikes you may have. That is all. A world in which we can feel that being ourselves is not going to be looked down on or judged. A world in which if we are different from the majority we do not fear retaliation for simply being different. That is my wish and vision for the future that I hope to be a part of creating in some small way.

*Hugs elone tightly*

Thank you my friends.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

elone

The message you send for real hope is heartwarming. Yes, E is a great place and a good model for the rest of the world to follow. While nothing is perfect, E in its striving for inclusiveness, friendliness, and tolerance would be a place to start.

I for one, have found friends here that are some of the most amazing people I have had the privilege to know.

*hugs*
In the end, all we have left are memories.

Roleplays: alive, done, dead, etc.
Reversal of Fortune ~ The Hunt ~ Private Party Suites ~ A Learning Experience ~A Chance Encounter ~ A Bark in the Park ~
Poetry
O/O's

Autumn52

April 20, 2012

Today I want to make this blog post about a dear friend who turned foe in the last years of his life. While we were not friends in the end of his life I find it hard to not think of him as such. Each time I hear the song ‘Strawberry Wine’ by Deanne Carter I think of him. I find it odd that I have lost two important men in my life during the month of April, a month I consider to be for rebirth. The first man was my oldest brother who died on April 11, 1992 and now this man who died yesterday.

I have talked before about my brother but I want to talk about this man, I will call him Pete. Pete found me at a vulnerable stage in my life and he helped me gain confidence.  After my marriage, I had lost a lot of my self-confidence and he helped me see that I only need to believe in myself. He was a good friend to me for a few years and he taught me a lot, and for that I will always be grateful.

Pete and I shared a sexual relationship, but it was never monogamous. I knew he was out of my league and I never really gave it much thought. We worked together for a while but my hard headedness and his stubborn streak clashed more often than not. Things turned bad about a year ago, I sort of went my way and he went his after a long drawn out fight. I had hoped that we could be friends but he did a few things that were not so friendly and I decided to cut him out of my life. It was, for me, the right thing to do, but I missed him. He had been such a big part of my life, and my personal rebirth, that I had always hoped we could work things out.

My hopes were crushed when even before his death he continued to be hateful to me. Oh he said some things that were hurtful, he did some things that were hurtful, but in the end I forgave him anyway. I did it because I knew his light would go out soon and I did not want him to die thinking I despised him.  I have given this a lot of thought and I think I loved him, I despised what he had become, but I loved him. I wanted him to know that when he died, and he did. I feel at peace with his death, but even so there is a sadness that lingers. He was someone who pushed me, he forced me to be my very best and for that I will never be able to repay him. I think it is sad when any light goes out but particularly one like his. I can't describe how my universe has been darkened by his death. I don't live in darkness but he was a light that shone so bright, for a time, that he was his own sun and now that light is gone. I won't mourn him in the usual way, for that was not our relationship. I will remember what he taught me and try to carry the good things forward and let the bad things fade. This is how I chose to remember him. I will memorialize him with a chant I wrote for him a year ago, no one will ever hear this chant but he knew about it. I will remember him each time I am able to pay it forward with someone who needs a lift, and I will remember him by living my life to the full each and every day.

I think this experience has taught me a couple of things about myself that it will take me a while to figure out. The first is that I seem to have developed a patterned of how I allow people to treat me, people who say they love me and yet do things that say they don’t. My concern is that I break that pattern, something I will think about for a long time to come. Second, I think I have the ability to cut people out of my life to easily. I want to think about this long and hard because I don’t want to do that with someone who is a friend. I have used that as a way to overcome heartache in the past but now I find it has become a crutch and I think I need to examine that about myself.

I guess this blog post is to say; Grab hold of those you love and show them, tell them, before it is too late. Let them know how much you appreciate them and don’t let an opportunity pass by that allows you to grow as a person. I hope I have learned from this experience. I hope I never stop learning about myself.

As always thank you for reading and please continue to: LIVE, LOVE, and LAUGH for life is too short to do otherwise.

HUGS

May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Ramster

*Leaves deserved hugs for that!*
Leave not a piss untaken, nor a Michael unappropriated.
A/As!!!
Knight of the Order of the Pizza



Nulla gratuitas sine anchoa

despickable

Big hugs to you  Sorry for your loss but It is always best to remember people for the good things they shared with you.
Thanks for the hugs and friendship you have given me  you know i value it immensely

“We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.” – George Carlin
Despickable's A&A 
Despickable's Wiki Page
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MasterMischief

I have a chisel for your wall.   ;D

Bruja

*a hug* because this post speaks to me in a way I cannot convey without sounding like an idiot. Thank you for sharing :D

Autumn52

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me.

Hugs for everyone.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

#209
April 27, 2012

OK so I had this idea; I have several quotes that I dearly love. I have them around my house to remind myself what they mean to me. I am going to post some of them here and what they mean to me.

First one:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Feeling inferior comes from within. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent because we allow what people say and do to have a negative impact on our lives. It isn't easy to not be affected by other peoples negativity. Remembering that to be a happy and self assured person one has to look inside and see the good. To be able to see our own value is sometimes the hardest task in becoming a happy person.

Consent means to allow, so by allowing someone to make us feel badly about ourselves we in truth are not allowing ourselves to see our own worth. We all find fault with ourselves and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Seeing our own failures and improving is being on the road to self improvement. But allowing our mind to focus on our bad qualities opens the door to allowing others to make us feel bad about ourselves and that is not acceptable. Not for me and not for anyone.

I chose to feel sorry for anyone who tries to make me feel bad about myself. I am happy with ME. I think that people who try to make others feel badly or inferior do so because they are trying to make themselves look or feel better. That is sad. It is my choice to be happy come what may. As I said in the being consent is allowing and I allow no one to dictate my feelings.
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Now as I said I use these type of quotes to remind myself of things that are important to me. In no way am I saying that it is easy. I have suffered from depression and hurt feelings just like everyone else. My goal in sharing these quotes is to say this is what helps me. That's all. I realize that in today's world it is easy to get overtaken by depression and negative feelings which is one reason I want to share this with you. No it doesn't always work, one only need read my earlier blog post to see this. So again, I am just saying this helps me and I hope that it might brighten someones day in some way.

I will post another quote tomorrow. Feel free to comment and as always Hugs and thanks to all those who read.

Have a wonderful day full of Hugs and laughter.

Edit: I just wanted to say I got this idea because of a cool thread that Cole started: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=134912.msg6014727#msg6014727
And I wanted to say Thank You Cole.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

MasterMischief

I always liked this line from Wuthering Heights:

'Thrushcross Grange is my own, sir,' he interrupted, wincing. 'I should not allow any one to inconvenience me, if I could hinder it - walk in!

Autumn52

Quote from: MasterMischief on April 27, 2012, 08:01:04 PM
I always liked this line from Wuthering Heights:

'Thrushcross Grange is my own, sir,' he interrupted, wincing. 'I should not allow any one to inconvenience me, if I could hinder it - walk in!

Same quote almost. Hugs



May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

April 28, 2012

"A Person's value in this world is estimated according to the value they place on themselves." Jean De la Bruyere

This quote means to me; If you do not value yourself then you cannot expect anyone else to value you.Your worth in this world is what you make it. If you do not find any value in yourself then you find yourself worthless, if you find yourself worthless you will not be able to contribute to the world around you. You will always be hiding in the corner hoping not to be noticed. Feeling worthless makes you a victim, a victim of your own lack of self esteem as well as a victim of whatever circumstances you find yourself in.

When you have self worth, those feelings empower you and help you make an impact on the world around you. So the value you place on yourself has a direct impact on how you are viewed by others and the amount of respect you are given in the world.
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Again this is simply what this quote means to me and why I have it as a reminder. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and gets lots of hugs.

Let me start it off for you........HUGS!!
Thanks for reading have a great day.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Mr Bigglesworth

I like these Xandi - I'm going to print this one out and stick it on my wall here.

Hugs,
B

Autumn52

May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

April 29, 2012

"Ability is what you are capable of, motivation determines what you do, attitude determines how well you do it." Lou Holtz

When I think of ability I think of natural talent. We are all born with some sort of natural talent and that talent is what we are capable of if we apply ourselves. When we are motivated we can accomplish a lot. Sometimes our motivation helps us achieve our full potential. Motivation helps us set goals and our attitude helps us reach them. If we have a 'can't do' attitude we won't accomplish much. If we have a 'can do' attitude we can accomplish a lot. There is a saying, "reach for the stars," if we are motivated and have an attitude of success we can accomplish anything we set our minds to, "reaching the stars," in effect. I believe if something is worth doing it is worth giving it my best. Putting my best foot forward motivates me to keep a successful attitude which in turn helps me succeed.

We all face times in our lives that it feels like we are in a rut. How we cope with that rut, the attitude we develop about where we are in life, will determine how long we stay there. Without goals we cannot move forward. Without motivation we cannot set goals. With an attitude of defeat we are defeated. So my conclusion is that when we are in a rut in our lives there are steps to take to make sure we do not stay there.

       
  • With pen and paper set some goals. A few short range goals that can be accomplished within a month or so and a few long range goals that we give ourselves one year to accomplish.
  • Each day look at that list, put it in a prominent place so that we are motivated to reach for the stars so to speak. Motivation require reminding ourselves of the end result.
  • Never say 'I Can't'. 'Can't' never does anything. 'Can' on the other hand is a busy beaver and accomplishes great things.
So ability is what comes natural. Motivation helps us reach the stars. Attitude determines how and if we reach those stars.

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Again this is what this quote means to me and how I chose to look at it. Like always I want to thank you for reading and feel free to comment.

Live, Love and Laugh for life is to short to do otherwise.

Hugs for all.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

April 30, 2012

"What is popular is not always what is right, what is right is not always popular." Anonymous

As I have grown older this quote has meant more to me than most. To do what is right in the face of opposition is very hard. Sometimes peer pressure can be the hardest to stand up to. Doing what we believe to be right helps build self esteem and confidence. It helps build character, the kind that molds us into who we truly are. When we have confidence in our decisions we can go against popular belief and grow as a person. When we just go along with the crowd it can damage our self confidence, our self worth even. Having a bad conscience can create internal battles, battles within can create sleepless nights and feelings of anxiety. While what we believe to be right might not be popular it is what makes us who we are. Standing up for ourselves equals standing up for what we think is right which builds us as a person. When our personal beliefs are not popular yet we stand up for what we believe, that does not mean that we must force everyone around us to believe as we do. It simply means that we no longer feel the need to follow the crowd, to be a mindless sheep who does not think for ourselves. Allowing others their personal beliefs is another sign of self confidence and self worth. No two people are alike and no two belief systems are the same.

It is my personal belief that each person has the innate right to follow their own heart. To do otherwise is to kill a little piece of ourselves. Popular or not, what we are inside should be built up and not whittled away day by day. Embrace your differences and the differences of those around you, for that is what makes existence on this plane so much more vivid. That is what makes the journey worth walking.

Live, Love, and Laugh for life is to short to do otherwise.

Hugs for all.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

May 1, 2012

"Take the time to deliberate, but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and move forward." Napoleon

To me this quote means that there are times when you need to slow down and think things through. Other times you need to take action and be decisive. Some people think a lot but never move forward, they stay in that place along their journey that feels comfortable and requires no effort. Other people tend to rush into things, never thinking things through.

Napoleon's quote reminds me that there is a need for balance in all we do. We can not spend our lives complaining about problems and never DO anything to solve them. Complacency is dangerous. Some people confuse complacency with contentment, understanding the difference between the two is key if we are to move forward on the journey that we walk. Edmond Burke wrote, "All it takes for evil to conquer is for good men to do nothing." I firmly believe this. In fact if we look back at some of the atrocities in history, how many of those could have been prevented simply by good men/women standing up and revolting against the evil of that time? Sometimes ACTION is necessary. When we become complacent our journey, and thus our lives, become stagnate.

We need balance because, for some, it is easy to just jump out and do everything; not making any real headway, not making any real difference. Knowing when to act and when to think about things a little more is key in living a fulfilling existence. Learning from mistakes can and will help us reap the rewards of life along our selected journeys. None of this is easy, in fact I believe this is possibly the hardest thing to learn. Balance. It is the key.
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Thank you for reading and I send you all hugs for another day.

Live, Love, and Laugh for life is to short to do otherwise.

Hugs for all

This is my 14000Th post and I am happy about that.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

May 2, 2012

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those, it might have been." John Greenleaf Whittier

To me this quote means that the 'what if's' in life can be the hardest to deal with. In life we all have opportunities and choices, how we respond to those can leave us with a 'what if' feeling. When we get older, sometimes it is hard to look back and think about what our life would have been if only we had done this or that. In hindsight everything looks differently. If we dwell in the 'what if's' and the 'it might have been', we can become very sad and depressed. I think  it is important to see our missed opportunities as life lessons. Mine have taught me to stay open to new things. I believe my life, up until this very moment, has made me into the person I am now. I look at my missed opportunities, and believe me there have been many, I look at them and it fills me with determination to experience life to the full each and every day. Today's quote fills me with the 'Seize the Day' spirit.

We can't change the past, so trying to live there will never make us happy. Learning from the past and making sure to stay open to new experiences in our future, that is what we have control over. My personal goal is never to live with regret. Live each day as if it were my last. Be determined to look back and be happy with the progress I have made along this journey called life. The 'what if's' are a good reflective tool, but that is all they are good for. I will not live in the past, I will strive to develop my future each and every day.

This quote, I'm sure you can tell, has special meaning to me. Thank you for letting me share it with you.
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As always Live, Love and Laugh for life is to short to do otherwise.

Thank you for reading and I send you all hugs for another day.  ;D ;D
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Autumn52

#219
May 3, 2012
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
I find this quote to speak volumes. Words come easy to some people, what is in a person's heart is demonstrated through actions not words. In life we have all met people who talk so much but say nothing. When some people speak I find myself trying to find the hidden meaning behind what they are saying because their actions do not support their words. Silence can say quite a lot if we pay attention to it.

Life experience has taught me that I want to be a person who says what I mean. I want to be the kind of person who demonstrates, by the way I live my life, what I feel is important to me. I have seen so many examples throughout my life of people who say, "I love you, I care about you, let me help you," and yet their actions prove different. Emerson was right, sometimes actions speak so loudly that no matter what words are spoken it cannot change the damage done by actions.

I look at this quote and remind myself that the only person I can fool is myself. If I chose to lie to myself then it doesn't matter what I say or do in life. If I allow my actions, the way I live my life to speak for me, words are not always necessary. Everyone wants to hear the words, "I love you", but when those words are spoken in vain they become meaningless. I will use words and actions to show my intent, both of them together have a strong impact. One without the other is meaningless.
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As always Live, Love and Laugh for life is to short to do otherwise.

Thanks for reading and I send you all hugs.

May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Adammair

Quote from: Xandi on May 02, 2012, 04:26:12 AM
May 2, 2012

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those, it might have been." John Greenleaf Whittier

To me this quote means that the 'what if's' in life can be the hardest to deal with. In life we all have opportunities and choices, how we respond to those can leave us with a 'what if' feeling. When we get older, sometimes it is hard to look back and think about what our life would have been if only we had done this or that. In hindsight everything looks differently. If we dwell in the 'what if's' and the 'it might have been', we can become very sad and depressed. I think  it is important to see our missed opportunities as life lessons. Mine have taught me to stay open to new things. I believe my life, up until this very moment, has made me into the person I am now. I look at my missed opportunities, and believe me there have been many, I look at them and it fills me with determination to experience life to the full each and every day. Today's quote fills me with the 'Seize the Day' spirit.

We can't change the past, so trying to live there will never make us happy. Learning from the past and making sure to stay open to new experiences in our future, that is what we have control over. My personal goal is never to live with regret. Live each day as if it were my last. Be determined to look back and be happy with the progress I have made along this journey called life. The 'what if's' are a good reflective tool, but that is all they are good for. I will not live in the past, I will strive to develop my future each and every day.

This quote, I'm sure you can tell, has special meaning to me. Thank you for letting me share it with you.
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As always Live, Love and Laugh for life is to short to do otherwise.

Thank you for reading and I send you all hugs for another day.  ;D ;D

Wow! Just wow!

MasterMischief

Those who know do not talk.
Those who talk do not know.


Tao Te Ching

Obviously, I do not know 'cause I just talked.   ;D  Put that in your yin/yang and smoke it.

Adammair

Quote from: MasterMischief on May 04, 2012, 08:04:40 PM
Those who know do not talk.
Those who talk do not know.


Tao Te Ching

Obviously, I do not know 'cause I just talked.   ;D  Put that in your yin/yang and smoke it.

*is silent, because he knows...what, he's not sure, but he knows...* :P

Autumn52

#223
May 28, 2012

It has been a while since I posted anything in here so I thought I would give it a shot today. I know some of you have noticed that I have not been around much lately, thanks by the way for noticing. Real life is a challenge lately as it is for most of you. Nothing new or special about that I guess.

I just want you all to know how much you have meant to me over the past almost three years. I don't say it often enough. I have said it before and now I say it again, all of you wonderful friends here at E saved me at a time I needed saving and I will never be able to thank you enough. I have tried to be a good friend to you in return, to tell you how much you have meant to me. Those of you that know me well know that I withdraw and regroup when real life throws a few punches. Well that is all I am doing lately. No need to worry. Just regrouping, getting my priorities straight and keeping E a place of fun.

One thing on my mind lately, that I want to talk about here is, Love/Friendship/Life. Some of you know that for a while I didn't believe in love and then I fell in love. Shortly afterward I got my heart broken. Well now I believe in love I strongly believe in it. But I am always afraid. I have twisted trust issues. This is kind of what has been gnawing at me lately. You all know that I am a flirt; I am that way in all aspects of my life. Sometimes I wish I was different so that I would not have to question myself so often. I am who I am and I have tried to accept that about myself, but at times it is hard.

One thing I have always liked about myself was the fact that I have never fit into the mold of what society thought I should be. Even what my family thought I should be. I played a role but I was never able to pull it off inside. I like that about me. I think that is what pushes me to succeed. The truth be told, I sometimes wish I was able to lie to myself and be someone/something different. It would make life so much easier. But is an easier life really what I want or is it the unknown aspect of it that appeals to me? I'm not sure, I do know that I wanted something a while back, it was something I had wanted my whole life and when I got it, I was not able to function as myself with it. I didn't know how to be, I didn't know how to experience the simplest things anymore. The unknown in that case was more appealing than the reality.

It seems that I am at a crossroad once again in my life, which is why I have been doing so much thinking. Do I take the road of least resistance? Or Do I do what I have always done and take the hard way? I think we all know what I will do, but why? Why do I do it that way? Do you think I am a masochist and just do things the hard way because I like making my life harder than it has to be? Maybe, but I don't think so. I will figure it out and when I do I will let you know.

I actually think a friend just helped me figure it out. While I have been writing this in fact. My belief is as follows; The future is not already written. Each decision we make along the journey we walk alters the future, it writes the past and make new possibilities for the future. So the future I see for myself now depends entirely upon whether I remain on the path I am currently on. Part of the journey is discovering things about ourselves each and every day and learning from what we have discovered. The future is only written once it has become the past. This is why I chose to not take the path of least resistance. This is why I battle the odds and keep trying to find what it is I am looking for.

I think understanding ourselves is the hardest part of the journey, don't you? It is sometimes easier to look at things from a clear outside position, unbiased. We can't really do that with ourselves can we? We can't be unbiased with ourselves, which makes uncovering hidden facts about ourselves more valuable.

Thank you for reading my rambling, believe it or not, it helps. This, this rambling out loud, it helps me put things in prospective. Once again this place has been the light in my dark tunnel.

Hugs to everyone.
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

MasterMischief

Are different paths easier/harder or are they all just different with different scenery?

Squeezes Xandi tight.