Perverted Wishes

[tesseractive]

Wish granted! Now you can't sleep at all anymore, so you're already awake.

I wish that there was something good on TV.

[ShamshielDF]

There is something good on!  But its never on when you think it is as they keep changing the time, its always jumping to a different station and when you try to tell the DVR/VCR to record it all you get is infomercials.  Then they cancel it in the middle of the first season because nobody is watching.  (Wait, that was Firefly!)

*realizes she can't sleep any more*

Hmmm...

I wish I didn't need to sleep.

[Paradox]

Super necro-post alert!

Your wish has been granted; you don't have to sleep because you're dead!

I wish this paper would write itself.

[Will]

Holy hell, Para!  I love this thread.

Your wish has been granted!  Your paper writes itself, but as it has no brain, it is forced to plagiarize.  You are expelled.

I wish I could fly.

[Tachi]

Granted! But now you're scared of heights.

I wish there was more soda.

[Paradox]

Granted! Unfortunately, the soda expired ten years ago.

I wish diet soda didn't cause cancer.

[Cassandra Cavenaugh]

Wish granted, but instead of causing cancer, diet soda now causes you to be overly self conscious about your body image and right, it makes you fat. ;)

I wish I were someone else, sometimes.

[Love And Submission]

You're someone else but that other person is dead


I wish I was I  was a great boxer.

[the taken]

Wish Granted! You are now a great boxer.  You are paid 26$ an hour to take a pile of object and box them.  You are so efficient, you make the robot employees jealous, and their union calls a strike demanding increased pay to compensate for their impending future being obsolete.  Word spreads of you super boxing among the mechanized, and the conspire against you.

The coke machine hands out the wrong drinks, and short changes you.  The Tax People keep auditing you because their accounting software keeps throwing up warning flags.  The bank machine keeps refusing your card.  Even MacDonald's won't sell you Happy Meals because they "just ran out", again.

I wish I could sing with all the voices of the mountains.

[Love And Submission]

You can sing with all the voices of the mountains , too bad for you the mountains have a horrible singing voice that  breaks glass and   causes people to bleed from there eardrums.

I wish I was a great fighter.

[sweetsublady]

Wish granted! You are instantly turned into a well-optimized Dungeons and Dragons character sheet, a level 30 4e fighter to be precise. If someone decides to play you, you're a truly great fighter, but until then you're just a piece of paper.

I wish I had a tasty cheese sandwich.

[the taken]

Wish granted.  You now have a tasty cheese sandwich. It's sitting in a cooler in a locker at the Tokyo International Airport.  You'll need to find the key, and get a plain ticket to pick it up.

I wish for super-duper powers involving flight and speed.

[Drivestort]

Granted, but your super speed is still subject to the laws of relativity, causing you to have to expend great amounts of energy for more speed than normal running, and your flight only functions while someone is looking at you and believes that you can fly.


I wish I had the ability to turn people into various creatures.

[Cardwolf]

Granted however you can only turn people into real life animals and only when they believe that you can do it and are in a private area.

I wish I could be free of the chains of moral and physical decay.

[the taken]

Wish granted. Too bad you haven't taken into consideration nuclear decay.  The carbon in your brain cells have a half life.

I wish for cybernetic wombats.

[Cardwolf]

Granted though a malfunction in their chips sets them on a rampage destorying the entire world.

I wish for World Peace and a Lifetime supply of jello.

[Remiel]

Wish granted! A meteor strikes earth, wiping all life as we know it.  However, after the dust clouds eventually settle, peace reigns for millions of years, until the sun goes supernova.  The good news?  Right before it hits, you discover a single cup of lime green Jell-O, just enough to last you the final minute of your life.

I wish for every woman on the planet to fall deeply and instantly in love with me.

[Cardwolf]

Wish granted...however do to them all loving the same man, World War III breaks out and all life on the planet is eredicated except for you and one mobridly obese woman with little personality and a disposition to whine about EVERYTHING.  You commit suicide after twelve minutes.

I wish for a bucket of KFC

[the taken]

Wish Granted. You now have a bucket of Kentucky Friendship Chicken. It loves you |------------------------ this ------------------------| much.

I wish for a dysfunctional relationship with Paris Hilton.

[Cardwolf]

Wish granted...you now have every sexual disease known to man and your face now graces every newspaper in the world.

I wish that Invader Zim would come back on the air

[Milanthe]

Wish granted.  Invader Zim is now back on the air, however, it's base is now focused on 6-12 year old girls.  Meaning anything that can be pink...  IS PINK.

I wish that I was sane.

[Tsais]

Wish granted! However, you realize with your new sane-brain that the world is actually painfully boring and you spend your days looking for ways to go back to being insane.

I wish I could teleport.

[the taken]

Wish Granted! You know have the incredibly amazing power to teleport one micron away from your current position every six second.

[the taken]

I wish I wished for something after granting that last wish.

[Remiel]

Technically, now you DID wish for something.

I wish that the person who responds to this would say something to make me laugh and brighten my day. :)