Sarah Palin in Fallout New Vegas

[Neysha]

Chapter 40: Palin and the Brain

Wow... Sarah Palin is an asshole.

I mean her brain is... ahem...



After all people always compliment me on having 'heart' and 'spine' but never brains.



Then how come I've possessed the ability to speak most of my life genius?



Sarah Palin finally asks the OBVIOUS question on everyones mind.



Ugh I've read most of them too, again with a great appreciation for the authors, the literature. All of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.



The sciences? NOOOOOOOO.... You've broken my mind, now you're breaking my heart!

Actually your heart is in another tank... intact. You're functionally heartless.



It does hurt... please stop!



Compre... too many sylla... I can't go on like this!



Wait, you haven't established that yet? Sarah!



Oh no... don't use sarcasm on her.



I love cookies!



Whose looking forward? I'm a traditionalist. I look backwards. That's YOUR problem.

Also where is the cookie?



GIMME MY COOKIE!



We haven't even gone into a single vault yet and have barely referenced the main storyline! Enough with the spoilers Brain!



Mr. House and Benny got us shot in the head. But don't worry brain, they will pay!

Your brain is actually blaming you.



The people agree!



I wouldn't worry about rickets. I get plenty of Vitamin D!





Brain... you're breaking my... hea... errrr... feelings?



Could this be the end of Sarah Palin as we know it?

So wait... am I getting a cookie or not?

[Neysha]

Chapter 41: The Cookie is a Lie

Peace? Quiet? Safety? That's the trifecta of boredom right there.



...

Oh wait you're bringing those up as negatives?



Not a very accurate Palin quote since it doesn't mention crushing ones enemies, seeing them driven before you and lamentations of liberals... but sure we'll go with that breeze on your cheek and love spiel for now.





If it wasn't for that 100 Speech skill Sarah... you'd be sound ignorant 100% of the time.



Nice work in convincing your brain of a new point of view. Now remember to handle this delicately and...



Sigh...





To be fair, it's not like Sarah Palin's brain played any important part of her life up to this moment anyways.



You can be the South Korea to my North Korea.

That's a horrible analogy.



Hooray so what's next?



Damn liberal intellectuals. One can never trust them!





Damn you Science! You've tricked me for the last time... again!



Oh my God... we'll turn into Europe!



The last thing I want is any of those Scientists inside of me.





Ahhhh yes I knew I could count on you Brain!



A more honest statement has rarely been uttered.



Glad that's settled. So about those cookies mentioned earlier...

[Neysha]

Chapter 42: Hesitators and Determinators

Dr. Mobius offers his sage advice in dealing with the Think Tank.



Really? Intellectuals lack the testicular fortitude to fight me.

And she's not even speaking figurative here. For these guys, its literal.



Clearly you haven't read my book. I am nobodies lobotomite!





Uh oh. His eye monitors are narrowing again. That means he's angry.



Like my idol, we don't negotiate with terrorists.

Ummm... nevermind.



I'm not in this to surrender, I'm in this to win!



We've seen what happened when Godless secularism spreads unchecked. The Soviet Union under Stalin. Communist China under Mao. New York City under Mayor Bloomberg.



I will not let you turn my new home into the next San Francisco!



Thank you Dr. Dala!



Please stop talking Dr. Dala...



A good point to bring up Dr. O.



Wait... C-O-M-B-A-T... what does that spell again? If I only had a brain!



Thank you Dr. Borous... I think...



Just because you are forcing through your opinion like Obama did with Obamacare doesn't mean I will submit to your death panels!



Stupid smartypants! Why did you threaten Sarah Palin.



You forced me to do this Dr. Klein.

Literally, there are no other dialogue options left.



It didn't have to come to this Dr. Klein.



Ending on a CLIFFHANGER!

[Neysha]

Chapter 43: Old World Blues

I feel strange. They're evil, godless, mad scientists intent on spreading their horrific experiments across the Mojave, but I feel regret and sadness in being forced to fight them. Could it be all of this time amongst these Godless scientists might have led my morals astray/



Poor Dala. Why is she fighting me? Is she some sort of masochist? I never got that sense out of her.

Really? Never got that hint?



Ugh... I didn't realize killing bad guys could be such a negative experience. I don't like it... lets go.



I guess you're right Ghost Suit. They were bad guys. But I still feel... bad...



It did? But I killed everybody. Who is the great mind? Mobius? Head in a jar Nixon?



Wait... they're talking about me?



I suppose we can build a future for all of mankind, as long as mankind is All-American.





To be fair, it probably was a Chinese paper clip.





I support the death penalty in this case.



Oh no! All of the possible replacement toasters are made in China too!





Good job! I too have used music for defensive purposes.





Hey I know darn well what communism and High School is... I mean are...

Public Schooling is a form of communism after all.

Yes she has no idea what either is.



Ummm it did?



That sounds good. I mean we already nuked the Communists into background radiation. But really, can't they fight... both?



YES! YES! YES! I AGREE! PREACH THE GOOD WORD!



YES! SPEAK THE TRU-.... wait... what the fu-

CHAPTER OVER! MOVE ALONG!

Also if you liked that... check out the FULL ENDING Sarah Palin received for Old World Blues HERE!

Also... two special deleted scenes with Head Chief Researcher Doctor-Principal Borous. (who really doesn't need commentary to be amusing) Those two conversations, which while edited to become chapters, were ultimately cut so that this saga wouldn't have THREE Borous conversation centric chapters. These amazing conversations can be found HERE!

[Neysha]

Chapter 44: Welcome Back Sarah

Before Sarah Palin leaves Big Mountain, some of her friends have a few parting words for her.



Good bye Book Chute. I will miss your anti-Communist rants like I miss John McCain's Russophobia.



And you Toaster. I will miss your fiery rants about hellfire like I miss John McCain's desire to hunt down terrorists to the gates of Hell.



And you Sink Central Intelligence Unit, I'll miss your financial acumen like I miss John McCain's fiscal conservative record.



The Book Chute imparts some final advice upon Sarah Palin before her depature.

Sarah Palin returns to the Mojave from her adventures in saving science at Big Mountain.

We are not speaking of that.



Literally within seconds of her arrival, she's already dispensing lethal capital punishment upon criminals.



Within half a minute of my arrival, I slay a terrorist leader.



It's clear the Mojave has relapsed since I have been away. But do not fear, I have returned.

At this rate, she'll depopulate the Mojave of all terrorists within a week.



Before I rekindle the War on Terror however, I should grab a bite to eat, maybe take some time to get acclimated to the Mojave.



Damn all of the beds at Fitz' and Lupe's Grab N' Gulp are taken. I guess I'll go see Fitz about something to drink then... wait... what's that sound?



We're under terrorist attack! Everyone to arms! They're assaulting our equivalent of Sbarros! Why do these terrorists hate our free markets?



Oh no! One of the terrorists is preparing a bomb. Not even strapping it to their chests anymore. What cowards. Don't worry, I'll correct that oversight.



I'll send you straight to Mars! Hey terrorist, stop blowing up yourself!



Look at that! I can simultaneously extract this Legionnaires heart, spine and brain!



Just because you don't eat pork doesn't mean you can steal our beef!



Hey there, let me to help you take your mind off of your crippled leg.

By shooting you in the face terrorist scum!



I'm loving this science stuff even more now!



Okay... I do appreciate some sciences. Especially military science!



That's too bad, Sarah Palin was planning on paying the Caesar a visit soon.



The terrorist attack wasn't without losses however.

Fitz! No! The poor guy came all the way from California to build a new life here. He was only armed with a simple knife. Now he has no one to look after his wife Lupe... oh no...

Lupe I'm so sorry for your loss...



Hmmmm she's taking the loss rather well.

And I must admit, I love the new decor, especially the severed head down by her feet.

Still... Caesar will pay for this crime against humanity. It's clear I've been gone far too long. He will pay!

[Neysha]

Chapter 45: Where the Wild Guns Are

While heading to Novac to pick up Boone en route to accepting the Caesar's invitation, I came upon something I've been trying to find for a long time now... a radiation suit.



I can finally make my pilgrimage to Vault 34 to find the Pulse Gun for my best friend Veronica and pay my respects to the Mecca of post-apocalyptic gun nuts.

It seems the gun nut homeland is infested with Ghouls.



Veronica punches one ghoul over a railing and into the atrium floor below.



Armory? A fully stocked armory? We must make haste!

As if the constant radiation wasn't enough excuse for hurrying up.



Headshot!

Palin has nothing to fear from Zombies! She's faced down over seven hundred of them before!



The joy of chokepoints.



Obligatory 'pity he wasn't more headstrong' post.



See? So called contaminated water like this is absolutely FINE to swim in. The threat to clean water by pollution is overstated once again.



As soon as Sarah Palin emerged from the water, she's forced into a fan service moment as ghouls suddenly attack her!



A different angle, for research purposes.



The sonic emitter sets them up and Veronica knocks them down.



Only one gun rights politician besides John Boehner uses that much bronzer. I didn't realize they gave Charlie Crist his own Vault to oversee! No wonder the God and gun fearing Republicans within revolted.



Save a family of gun loving true Americans or a bunch of already failing subsidized government farms? What to choose... hmmm..?

If it seems like she hesitated, it's only because it took her a long time to figure out all of this fancy computer stuff.



The armory... oh my... it's... so... beautiful... excuse me. If only Charlton Heston was alive to see it.



It's an assault rifle called 'All-American?' It's like the assault rifle version of me.

Loud? Dangerous and full of fire?



Oh look there's Veronica's Pulse Gun. I can't wait to use it to detect the heartbeat of my enemies.

Apparently Sarah Palin still hasn't figured out why it's called a Pulse Gun.



Did you say Gonorrhea?

Ack... I apologize... bad joke.



See? With private health care, even complicated things like curing radiation can be treated by competent medical professionals for only a hundred caps!



Hmmm... now that you mention it...

She was joking Sarah... SARAH! Anyways, its not like you can read anyhow.

Oh right...



Tomato juice... got it.

Facepalm

[Neysha]

Chapter 46: Rocket Revengers Ready to Rock It

After working so hard, Sarah Palin decides to take advantage of some leisure time and see some of the sights.



I take gangs very seriously as a threat!



Oh yes, because weapons are free otherwise.



Oh that's not unsettling at all.



Ooooohhhhh a free tour! I can finally enjoy some leisure time.



Middle school basements storing radioactive waste? They might as well, public schooling should fund itself lest it be filled with communist influence!



So in essence, nuclear power promotes traditional family values!



This must be the interactive part of the tour.



Thanks a lot Harry Reid!



An amazing view of the solar system, but how come all of the planets are revolving around the Sun. If you look up in the sky, it's obvious they all revolve around the Earth.



This Pulse Gun does work pretty well on robots, how come no one told me this before!



Oh my gosh, Sarah Palin hacked something.



Oh no... I will have to depend on my cunning and guile to get past this obstacle!



Time for another combat scene.



Wait... that worked?



Ooooohhhh a fancy new science dispenser!



What the heck? Did she get a science boost while in BIG MT? That terminal was rated EASY!



....Yes...

[Neysha]

Chapter 47: The Bunker Buster

Veronica and I go gecko hunting one last time before we decide to return to her home. Needless to say, we're both rather tense. Her because she has to confront the only family she knows about a serious problem that affects the entire Brotherhoods very existence, me because I'll be surrounded by several million dollars worth of military ordinance while trapped in a bunker full of socially conservative, survivalist, anti-government gun nuts.



Attention nerds! It's a Fallout 2 reference. Arroyo has some sexy geek girls apparently now.



Sarah Palin could defeat the whole Brotherhood?



I agree with Veronica. We must invest not just in education, but recreation for our brave troops as well.



That's what they said about me! Then the Bachmann arrived...



I agree. With Veronica and I at the helm, we can attract a lot of fine young men for this organization.



Elder McNamara is a progressive exclusionist like Robert Byrd apparently.



I didn't realize the Brotherhood of Steel held intellectual property rights.

A hidden reason for the Great War with China is finally revealed.





I'm sorry too Veronica. I know what it's like to have an organization that feels like family betray you.



Sorry were you saying something?



Makes sense right? After all you did just state the possessor of the Pulse Gun has the power to destroy the Brotherhood right? And I possess the Pulse Gun!



Don't limit yourself due to imagination.



Your Elder was a progressive social conservative? Well no wonder nothing will get done. They were going extinct two centuries ago.



Hey that's what we thought when we lost the 2008 Presidential Election, but we bounced back two years later in the midterm Congressional elections!



Okay so a No on the coup idea. I get it... sigh... If that's the case then there is only one other option...



Amazingly Sarah Palin choose the non-violent option.



Sometimes you need to embrace the FREEDOM of blazing your own path!



I have just the book to inspire you in your quest of... Going Rogue!

How many times is that book going to be plugged?

Well with that out of the way, let's leave this Brotherhood behind and look towards your future.



Oh sh-

Wow looks like our future is rapidly coming to an abrupt end...

[Neysha]

Chapter 48: Professional Nuisance

Look at him cock his head to the side. He wasn't expecting Sarah Palin to unleash her best politicking upon him.



As my hero Ronald Reagan once stated, "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

Reagan didn't say that. Voltaire did.



No wait... Voltaire.



No wait spoke to soon. It was Stephen G Tallentyre.



Ahhhh I found one of the Brotherhood scouts I was supposed to get a report from... oh wait... why is he moving... oh no... not again.



Another Legion Assassin team? How did they find me after sneaking through the mountains of Nevada at night?

Maybe you should've been wearing your Stealth Suit? It's probably lonely in your motel room dresser with all of those faction armors you keep around just in case.



Nice job hiding during the entire fight Brotherhood Knight. I thought you guys were tough.



And..? You're forgetting the best part of the story.



Yes. Fresh reinforcements.... mainly me. Were you not here when I experienced the action which would later be Chapter Ten of my autobiography?



Ah yes... of course... Those...

She has no idea what he just said...



This is where you want to work Veronica? It's not quite a bunker. In fact it's kind of indefensible to be honest. But we can check it out I suppose.



Me too. I'm still wearing the Vault Suit I was buried in.



Don't worry Veronica. I'll handle the introduction. I have some serious pull around these parts.



See? I am a job creator.



Eek! You're getting your first job interview tomorrow Veronica. Congratulations! I'm so excited. I just KNOW this will work out for you!



I get that a lot.



Sarah Palin visits the local fortune teller as well.





People gambled on me before and it didn't turn out well. But this time I'm not going to be anyones second.



Veronica and I decide to spend our time until tomorrow plumbing the depths of a nearby Vault... Vault 11 to be exact, for one of those differential reverse HEPA pulse pressurer things. I wonder what other mysteries and encounters we will have within. Just past the main door, we find an ominous recording.



What will Sarah Palin find out behind these closed doors? And will she make it back in time for Veronica's job interview with the Followers of Apocalypse?

Next up....  the mysteries of Vault 11 and Wait... Wait... it was Evelyn Beatrice Hall that said it.

We probably should've just stuck with Ronald Reagan as the quote source to be honest.

[Neysha]

Chapter 49: Go Into the Light

Could this monstrous beast be the HORROR that has cursed Vault 11?



No apparently not.



As you can see, nuclear power is completely safe. You can even take a warm relaxing swim in the reactor pool and thanks to the radiation, you won't need to use caustic chemicals like chlorine to kill off the bacteria.



Even Veronica decides to join me for a little midnight swim.

Unintentional fanservice.



So every so often this Vault sends their Overseer into a Sacrificial Chamber... I probably shouldn't bother going in... I don't have to... but... I must discover the reason for the mysterious recording. I have to find out.



Um... thank you Ghost Suit. That unexpectedly sweet of you.

Clearly the Stealth Suit suspects something is amiss.



Martyr?

Turn around. Turn around now!



Sarah Palin doesn't want to go into the light, but she's too I'm too compulsively Christian not too...



It's so beautiful... is this Heaven?

If it's Heaven, why are you quicksaving?



Oh no wait... it was just a literal light.



I don't think sitting down is a good idea Sarah...



Oh this looks sweet.



They're talking about like... a moral or political sacrifice right? Right?



My role is Sarah Palin... I don't want any other role to play!



Veronica... Ghost Suit... I'm beginning to have a bad feeling about this...



Forfeit our lives? As in die? Okay... Okay... don't panic. DON'T PANIC! STOP PANICKING... the door. The door. I'll just leave!



AHHHHH THE DOOR IS LOCKED! PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! VERONICA PUNCH A HOLE IN THE WALL!



I DO NOT FEEL PEACEFUL! I DO NOT FEEL PEACEFUL! I WANNA GO HOME!



Only the beginning... oh wait... that sounds ambiguously good.



No I don't see them! THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GOOD! WHICH IS BAD! PANICKING NOW!

What's that sound coming from the WALLS? Why are they moving?

[Neysha]

Chapter 50: Too American to Die

Fight? FIGHT? You heard the video! How can I fight death itself?

With SCIENCE!



The walls pull back to reveal an army of martyr inducing robots!



Too bad for the robots that the very presence of Sarah Palin has been known to defy all science and thus the robots begin short circuiting almost immediately.



What a joke... not even a roboscorpion among the entire bunch.



Just to remind those 9-11 Truthers like Rosie O'Donnell that fire does melt steel.



Thank you Ghost Suit. But it's quite clear this wasn't my time. Science hasn't invented a way to kill me yet.



Hmmmm it's this wacky vaults main computer. And it has a recording from the last survivors of the Vault.



Somberly Sarah Palin listens to the survivors recording while looking over the robot chambers filled with the skeletons of past sacrifices.



Yes! Like all true Americans, you must never compromise on liberty for security!



God Bless America...



Then Sarah Palin listens to the Vault 11 automated response:



Oh well that's not too bad. The Vault was merely trying to enact a simple game of Benjamin Franklins philosophical trade off.



Well if they weren't able to live up to the value of real Americans... I'm not saying they deserve death... but if they were more American... dare I say all American, it would've never come to this point.



They reward choosing liberty with freedom. How appropriate. This Vault test actually captures real American values. I can't believe I was almost disgusted with it trying to kill me.



...

Now that's just stupid.

Clearly Sarah Palin's conversations with her own brain have given her some wisdom... just some.

Well that was certainly interesting Veronica. How about we head back to the 188 and do some shopping before we see about getting you to your job inter... oh good grief.



Not again!



Where did you steal those hubcaps you have on your armor punk?



Veronica is annoyed too. She has her game face on.



How many terrorist kill teams is this? Four?

Five actually. You somehow managed to outsmart the first group of assassins instead of casually killing them.

[Neysha]

Chapter 51: I Didn't Make It Past the Interview

OH NO!

I hope we didn't arrive too late for Veronica's job interview!



Damn it! We are too late. Everyones asleep already.

Hey what's with that ash pile?

Wait a minute... oh no...



Those Brotherhood pukes I talked to earlier killed them all!



By killing innocents, you give heavily armed, libertarian survivalist militia types all over a bad name!



Sarah Palin unleashes some badass dialogue.



The appropriate response whenever Sarah Palin talks.



Sarah Palin electrocutes the Brotherhood Paladin a second later, likely via divine command.



Veronica then feels compelled to join in.



Two real paladins versus two Brotherhood paladins! Who will be victorious!



Time to take out the trash!

Too bad he doesn't quite fit in the wastebasket.



Let's be fair Veronica. This isn't the worst picture of you out there.



We find one cowardly murderer trying to hide outside of the outpost after fleeing the battle.



We give him drone strike justice.



Nonsense! Only a LIBERAL speaks like that!





We leave the outpost with heavy hearts.



You're welcome. :)



She's been through a lot so I decide Veronica might need a bit of a break. She's been out on the road for a while now. Maybe it's time to nip this Legion assassin problem in the bud though, among other things. For that... there is only one person truly well suited to that task.



Cow...

Why is a brahmin running wild through the Strip? This is not a cow level.

[Oniya]

Cow...

Why is a brahmin running wild through the Strip? This is not a cow level.

Hey, what happens in Vegas... Stays in Vegas.

[Funguy81]

You need to send a copy of this whole thing to Cracked.com....this is epic!

[Neysha]

Chapter 52: The Monsanto Vault

I was never a big fan of government intervention in agriculture, but if what you say is true, it could help a great deal of people. And despite being a Conservative, I'm not above taking a government payout.



No worries. From what Dr. Hildern told me, the Vault is perfectly safe.



I hate those kind of politicians!



Stay out. Plants kill?

That sounds silly.



Nothing like using your repair skills to completely bypass large amounts of game content. I love these open world RP's.



Well I found the HEPA whatevers for the Brotherhood but yes Boone, I'm beginning to suspect something might be amiss here. I suppose we should investigate.



Nothing like using a scoped assault rifle to engage in hunting on stationary targets.



Us politicians should keep our promises like I have in finding Keely.



I do believe in self reliance when it comes to many things, including being able to make repairs.



How can there ever be a problem if the answer is fiery explosions?



Oh right, I forgot about that part.



Hmmmm yes... there is something wrong with the locals here.



Fortunately it's nothing that cannot be cured by superior firepower.



And I mean that literally.



Okay simple enough plan. Throw out the frag grenade. Close the door. Ignite the gases. Kill the spores. Collect the reward. I don't see how this can be screwed up. Here goes the grenade.



BOONE! DON'T OPEN THE DOOR WHILE THERE IS A FIRESTORM OUTSIDE!



Good riddance. This science, like most science, has done enough damage already.



Thank you. A lot of people I work with usually aren't so positive in their feelings towards me.





Faith in the government?

Oh my God... what have I done.

[Neysha]

Hey, what happens in Vegas... Stays in Vegas.

I can't believe I haven't made that reference in the thread yet.  :P

[Neysha]

Chapter 53: You Fiend!

To help atone for the sin of helping a non-military part of the government, Sarah Palin decides to assist the NCR military in their ongoing conflict with the terrorist drug cartel known as the Fiends and their mastermind, Motor Runner.



What's an enema?

]Sarah...

Wait... then what's a psychoactive enema?

Moving right along...



So you're just going to run back home then? Like... literally? Through Fiend territory? All the way back to California?



Sarah Palin chasing down buggy NCR soldiers is interrupted when she runs afoul of the Fiends!



She measures the Fiends.



And finds they fall short...



Very short, especially with my All-American scope!



Top that Boone.



Obligatory exposition shot during an action scene.



Not the best time to... lose your head.





Geez they came right at us. They must've been on one hell of a Kamikaze.



Like Pablo Escobar with the film Patton, the some Fiends apparently have an appreciation for militaria.



High Value Target? Damn you using your War on Terror buzzwords. I must complete the mission.



More heads fly!



Sarah Palin even takes some time to free all of the terrorists hostages.



You look ridiculous with that low cut top... and no head.



Drugs got this Fiend before Sarah could find her. Now there is only one terrorist left to deal with, the High Value Target himsef, Motor Runner.



Don't bother rising from your throne...



I said stay down...



Hunting down narcoterrorists is turning out to be a fun hobby. And look I found the last of the thingamjigs the Brotherhood needed for their... air breathing bunker thingy. Win! Win!

[Neysha]

Chapter 54: I Want Crazy

Hey Lorenzo, I got your Herpes Filters, Pulse Gun Cleaner and Pressure Cooker Controller.



Soonafter, the Courier is sent to meet the Brotherhood Elder once again.



Don't underestimate us women Elder!



Agreed. While liberals infest the New California Republic and our differences with them is irreconcilable, we must keep in mind the greatest threat to our American values is Terrorism and the ideology that pushes it!



Also I'm glad you don't consider the NCR a threat, considering my current entourage. Say Hi Boone!

Or don't...



First the Boomers, now the Brotherhood of Steel.



Clearly Elder McNamara doesn't want to make the same mistakes others had before.



Climb a mountain? I'm from Alaska, your mountains are like foothills. Heck, there's probably a road leading up to the summit knowing you people..



Oh look, there is a road leading up to the mountain. And look... ED-E and Boone are so stealthy they can walk past that patrol of hostile supermutants without being detected while I'm up here climbing the side of the mountain like a sucker. Oh well... Tougher in Alaska I guess.



However upon entering the village near the summit, the trio runs afoul of the Supermutant natives. Sarah Palin has never encountered supermutants before.



Needless to say, things get explosive.

Well... mostly supermutants get explodey.



I believe the term is "Lady" Death.



Gosh darn science! How am I going to unlock this door if I can't access the security computer.

Oh wait... what's this computer that Boone is standing by for.



I better write this down so I don't forget.



So easy a Palin can do it!



My goodness, these mutants are keeping an illegal Mexican immigrant in custody as a slave laborer!



So I give this poor downtrodden Mexican ghoul what every immigrant who comes to our land wants. Freedom!



That's the spirit! Show no fear in the face of adversity!

I think he was being sarcastic... In fact, he probably wants a job and... Oh... really? We are just going to leave him here? Okay.



This job was easier then being a Fox News commentator.





First I save the Republican Party, now I save the Brotherhood. I think I deserve more then your thanks Elder.

[Neysha]

Chapter 55: I am Ironman (Woman)

Woohoo! I'm a Saint and a Paladin now!



I don't see how y'all can outdo the NRA when it comes to gift giving, but you're welcome to try.



They gave me power armor! They gave me power armor! They gave me power armor! They gave me power armor!They gave me power armor! They gave me power armor! l=Nothing will stop me now from restoring this country.



Ahem... ah yes, got distracted there for a moment. Of course I will. We must keep science away from the population at large and especially the classroom.



Oh you people are like my home away from home... away from the Boomers.



So this is the guy who is supposedly in charge of Freetown. I usually don't deal with street gangs but for some reason the urge to crush common criminals while clad in power armor is rising within me.



Wait... this isn't a gang. They're just a bunch of harmless greasers. including street gangs, is absolutely harmless unlike the gangs of today. And look whose in charge. I've been waiting to meet the King again over coffee.

Again?



I typically charge $500 a plate.



Foolish King, Sarah Palin doesn't pay, she gets comped.



I really don't see why I need a bodyguard, but this Orris guy comes highly recommended. Plus his armor is the most metalish of the bunch.

I'm just not sure I can trust a bodyguard who looks like Dustin Diamond.



WOW! This guy is worth every cap! He just shot and killed seven thugs with six bullets!

Wait a minute...



That's doubtful. Harry Reid isn't around these parts anymore.



Six bullets. Seven people. I don't think that makes sense.... does it?



Oh that makes sense. Stress always changes how math works.



Time to liberate these criminals of their ill gotten loot and donate it to my nonprofit.



Orris! This one is faking! That's why the math was off. Don't worry though, I'll take care of him.



Sarah Palin splatters the thugs brains across the concrete.



Wait a minute! Now all of the thugs are attacking us! They must be zombies! AIM FOR THE HEAD!

It's extremely difficult to play dead when missing your head.



Poor Orris... the zombies must've infected him when we weren't looking. It's the only explanation for why he attacked us along with the other thugs.

Actually Sarah I think that Orris... nah nevermind.

[Neysha]

Chapter 56: Hail to the King Baby

So that explains why you call yourselves the Kings. You are all Bruce Campbell fans!





I call it grassroots campaigning.



Sounds like my base.



After befriending 'the King' he asks her for some help with a local assault case involving NCR soldiers intimidating and assaulting locals.



Sarah Palin immediately starts running down promising leads.



Lou Tennant? Damn... I've never heard of him. Sounds like this interview is another dead end in our investigation. Boone... are you... snickering?



Several hours later, Boone is finally able to explain to Sarah Palin that Lou Tennant isn't a person, but a military rank. Armed with this information, she finds out about the NCR peace overtures to the Kings have been intercepted. But by who?



Excuse me! I need to tell the King that one of his members has been interfering with the NCR and Kings cooperating.



I said excuse me! I just wish I knew who it was that was fomenting strife between the Kings and NCR.

Did she just use the word 'foment?'



Liberal elites not even sharing the charity with the poor independent Freesiders but instead is supplying food to illegal immigrants from the NCR and squatters.



Me neither. What shall we do about this?



Don't worry King... I'm great at defusing people.

I don't think she knows what the word defusing means... literally.

In fact I'm more worried that she thinks defusing means something entirely different then what it actually means.



Oh lame. Four dead Kings and the mastermind cowering behind a bus stop. I came too late to defuse anything.

This is what happens when armed civilians confront an armed military.



Instead of defusing with extreme prejudice, I negotiate a cease fire with the NCR troops. Oh well... maybe next time.



Anything I can do to help a local neighborhood watch organization like yours.



I'm flexing my soft diplomacy skills.



I agree. These peacemaking efforts should be more successful then the last time someone appealed to me to use my influence to curb violence.





Colonel Moore huh? Sounds like someone I should meet...

[Neysha]

Chapter 57: Taking Grassroots in the Mojave

Uffda! Power armor or not, I need to offload some of this inventory I've been collecting. Look at all of these Vault Suits I've picked up over the days.

Sarah Palin decides to take a more active part in the local economy as well as do some good old fashioned grassroots politicking.



I am always willing to provide trade goods to the amazing Vault Gift Shop and Hotel because Small Hotel and Gift Shop Operators are the lifeblood of the Mojave economy and our great wasteland!



Now this is spirit I can admire. A young man going out hunting for recreation and sustenance. Living off the land. Here let me help.



The plasma bolt will help precook your meal!

Animal control, Palin style.



Your welcome. I was happy to help, because the independent youth food scavengers of Freeside are the lifeblood of the Mojave economy and our great wasteland!



The NCR wants to regulate WATER?

I will not stand for this on my watch. Because free water providers are the lifeblood of the Mojave economy and our great wasteland!



Don't you worry because little people like yourself... you are the lifeblood of the Mojave economy and our great wasteland!



That sounds fantastic because technocratic, heavily armed militaristic monastic militia groups who live underground and indiscriminately seize advanced technologies from passerbys are the lifeblood of the Mojave economy and our great wasteland!



I've been collecting more vault suits for you of course!



CHOOSE THE FIRST OPTION! CHOOSE THE FIRST OPTION! Awwwwwww...





That is so beautiful because.... it's citizens groups like yours that are the true lifeblood of Mojave society and our great wasteland!



Since when did Mr. House decide to force eminent domain upon privately held property!



How is that even a legitimate reason? This Mr. House fellow is sounding more and more like a bully.



A fair point Sarah. It's clear that Mr. House doesn't support libertarian values as much as the creation of some fell corporate state combined with his dealings with savages and the liberals in power in the NCR.



Awww thank you. It's always appreciated when I receive gifts from unregulated vigilante groups.



Thanks to my efforts in curbing violence, drug abuse and other crime in Freeside, vendors like Genaro can once again help reinvigorate the economy, create jobs and generate revenue. Look all of this classic Mojave cuisine. Squirrel on a stick. Iguana bits. Oh and radroach meat. It's food vendors like yourself Mr. Genaro that are the true lifeblood of the Mohave economy and our great wasteland!



It's a good thing Sarah Palin cannot detect obvious sarcasm or Yes Man might be dying again right now.



So this is the Hoover Dam. Named after one of our greatest, and therefore Republican, presidents.



Finally a photo op with a working man of color!

It's proud engineers of color like Miles Lawson here who are the lifeblood of the Mojave economy and our great wasteland!

Take that Obama!

[Neysha]

Chapter 58: Paramoore

Eek! I believe you are correct.

That tends to be the reaction given when encountering an NCR Veteran Ranger for the first time.



I don't remember Hoover Dam being so beautiful last time around. I wonder what changed...



I begin to sense that this Colonel Moore has built up quite the reputation.



This Colonel Moore person sounds like quite the fellow.



I get it! I get it already! Colonel Moore is some "awesome" guy. Can you please show me just a little respect though? I mean I just joined the guys and am wearing their armor after all.



That's more like it. And certifiably true!



When I finally meet Colonel Moore, I suddenly realize two things. First, she's a woman and secondly, that statement about her having fought against the Brotherhood is mysteriously running through my head again.

Maybe I should've worn my Ghost Suit instead of the Brotherhood armor...



She doesn't seem so bad. She's clearly a great judge of character. I've been called a Saint and a Paladin, but[/url=http://dailycaller.com/2011/10/05/sarah-palin-savior-of-the-establishment/2/] Savior works too![/url]



Colonel Moore makes her offer.



And Sarah Palin accepts.



I can work with this woman. The only thing more dangerous then one Mama Grizzly after all, is two.

What about three of them?



Sarah Palin also takes some time out of her busy schedule to meet some of the brave NCR soldiers serving at Hoover Dam and to get their opinions on current events.



Nice to see that the boots on the ground feel the exact same way I do.



Even better.



Oh yeah, I support that nation building stuff too I guess.



I agree with you on Mr. House and Caesar not being able to do that. Maybe you're right, maybe the NCR is the only right choice for the Mojave. Maybe I shouldn't try going rogue and instead accept the NCR as the legitimate authority in the Mojave despite its many liberal problems...



What do you mean you can't trade with me? Regulations?



Come on. Don't let regulations get between friends.



GOSH DARN LIBERALS ARE RUINING THE MOJAVE! That's it... there's no way the NCR should be in control of this place! Silly regulations! And since House and the Legion aren't options,  clearly... there has to be a fourth path. All it needs is a candidate strong and brave enough to run for it.

[Neysha]

Chapter 59: Bountyful

En route to handling a mission for either or both Colonel Moore and Yes Man, Sarah Palin decides to stop by Camp McCarran, continuing her tour of NCR military facilities when she stumbles upon another job opportunity.



Three terrorists need taking out? You've come to the right lady.



Bounty? You mean I get paid for doing something I would do normally? Yes I am very interested.



My power armor really blends in well with the decaying rubble surrounding Las Vegas. Holy Ghost Suit would be so jealous of me right now.



First kill of the night goes to me Boone! You must be slacking. I hope you can keep up!



One minute later...

Danger? What danger? I don't see anything. Wait! Is that gunfire?



Ahhhh what's happening! Boone what are you firing at?



Boone! What's going on? I can't see anything. It's too dark out!



Boone! Stop shooting! That woman was only carrying a pool cue for goodness sake!



How come I keep getting experience points when all I do is stand here looking at Boone shooting randomly pff into the distance?



Well at least I managed to kill Cook-Cook. Thanks for leaving the tough one for me Boone.



Now I better be careful in taking his head off so I can claim the full bounty.



Oops! Well I hope no one notices he's missing an eye.



So this is Terrorist Number Two's home base. It's like a Trailer Park mansion. Looks clear of activity though. I better move in and check it out though.



Time to give Violet the Osama Bin Laden treatment.



Unlike Obama, I won't pussyfoot around. I will release pictures of this terrorists death instead of having my Hollywood buddies make a movie about it.



Not only will I publicize pictures of your death, but I'll likely mount your head in my Presidential Library someday.



Ignore the uhhh missing eye... he was wearing an eyepatch you see... yeah.



Your passionate use of vulgar language is commendable.





I can get a BONUS killing terrorists? This War of Terror is like the war that keeps on giving. No wonder those Navy Seals are so rich!

[Neysha]

Chapter 60: The Line Drive

Between us and your team of snipers, this Driver Nephi fella should be easy pickings!



I meet 1st Recon, and find them... wanting.

Did Sarah Palin just use a pun? That's punny.



Ummm thanks... yeah... changing the subject now.





I'm all about elaborate revenge schemes.



If it makes you feel even better, I shot him in the stomach with a single bullet and it caused a critical hit serious enough to down him. Then I ripped off his head with my bare hands... minus one eye.



Look Boone, you get to serve alongside your old pals again!



Two Fiend raiders try to intercept 1st Recon. Sergeant Bitter-root shoots one of them with his bolt action rifle, while running.



1st Recon didn't even have to stop to shoot.



1st Recon sets up.



Sarah Palin takes the first shot to draw out the Fiends.



First kill to me! Boone told me you 1st Recon guys were accurate. If that's the case then why- Oh no.



One Fiend spontaneously combusts from the barrage of sniper rounds incoming.



Once again Sarah Palin stands around as experience points magically rack up.



Again and again.



That one is only wounded. I'll get him!



I didn't even see when Driver Nephi went down. Either way... he didn't come close.



Oh nice job guys! Great headshot there! Ugh...



I have to admit. Killing terrorists for bounty sounds like an amazing way of funding economic stimulus.

[Neysha]

Chapter 61: Khan Game

Why would you open our conversation by saying that instead of your usual one word responses?



Oh for Pete's sake... not again. They're coming from the wrong direction even! Legion territory is BEHIND us!

Boone is a master of subtle foreshadowing.



So a Legion Assassin squad attacked us again...



And we killed them all... again... oh look a double kill!



We're entering Khan territory now Boone. Why do you look so edgy all of a sudden?



Upon entering the Khan tribes main hall, I come upon a Legion emissary to the Khans. The fact that these tribals are affiliating themselves with known terrorists annoys me. Hopefully I can turn these Khans around, like some sort of Khan Awakening!



Sarah Palin does what she does best, annoying her enemies to the point of rage.



Insulting her opponents manliness turns out to be an easy target.



Yesssss strike me down with all of your hatred Black man!



You just suffered the Palin Effect buddy!



Excuse me! I have a Mom... she just rarely makes public appearances.



Run Karl Run!



Karl runs into a point blank shotgun blast.

I guess he ain't no... Karl Lewis... bwahahahahahahahaha! Get it? Carl Lewis... and his name is Karl?



Jack, Diane and Melissa huh? Shouldn't be too hard to convince them to go against the Legion.



A speculator? I had no idea the Legion economy was so advanced.



The Legion doesn't support women warriors? Well... that's one more strike against those terrorists!



Boone... you're staring again.



Oh huh.. yeah.. I wonder who did that. Ummmm... let me talk to your friend instead.



Which would be a bad thing Jack!



A Khan hippie, I've seen it all now.