Don't Hold Your Breath ... Hold Mine

[Trieste]

(Originally posted 29 June 2008.)

The dark room is hot, steamy with humidity. The fan in the window turns inexorably, the thrum of its small motor filling the room along with small, choked gasps and the panting of heated breath on feverish, flushed skin. The slight tang of sea air drifts into the window, misting in the jaundiced, mottled light of the street lamp just outside. A small yelp, a low moan, and then silence, nothing in the room for several seconds but the faint rustling of damp sheets and the steady purr of the window fan...

Then a gasp, and heavy panting. The tingling high of relief flooding through the veins as easily as oxygen floods the lungs.



Breathplay. Those who appreciate it have several reasons to do so. My own reasons come from power, control, and the physical high that comes with deprivation of oxygen. It comes from the look in the eyes of the person with their fingers on my throat, the hard shiver that runs down my spine when I think about - quite literally - placing my safety, my health, my life in the hands of another. It could well be considered the extreme end of submission, and is definitely dangerous play. Like any form of bondage and torment, those who partake in it as safely as they can do extensive research, take many precautions, and those of us who have the luxury of a sympathetic health professional consult them. We learn about the damage that can be done, the best ways to reasonably prevent it, we learn signs and symptoms of asphyxiation, possible side effects... most of those I've played with know CPR and Heimlich.

However, accidents happen. The human body is fragile. The trachea isn't protected even by bone, but by half-circle rings of cartilage. Collapse it, and you have precious few minutes until permanent damage. This is a scary prospect, and one that I've thought about and accepted. It's an awful way to die, but there are worse ways, and I would rather move on doing something I enjoy than being scared of it. What truly scares me is not what might happen to me, but what would then happen to my partner. I don't know of any actual cases in which the partner was convicted of a crime due to an accidental death in the case of 'erotic asphyxiation' (a.k.a. breathplay), but it is honestly one of my worse nightmares.

In theory, I would not trust someone enough to play with them in this manner without caring deeply for them. I might have when I was younger, but I engaged in some pretty risky behaviour as a teenager. Honestly, it's a miracle I'm alive and disease-free today, when I think back on it. Now, I'm older and theoretically wiser. So with this in mind, the scenario would be that not only would someone I love deeply be looking at the loss of a close friend or lover with my death, they would also be experiencing no small of guilt for their part in it... and could possibly be facing charges. All of this adds up to a horrible scenario that I don't enjoy thinking about often.

As a result, I don't really understand the reasons some people have for keeping such a thing their 'dirty little secret'. A fair amount of people who regularly practice breathplay keep it from their friends, their families. I knew a woman who was married, and her husband never knew - she practiced autoerotic asphyxia (self-strangulation) ostensibly, though the way she behaved around a mutual coworker made me wonder if she was having an affair. Considering how generally oblivious I am in the office, this is fairly significant. I know from conversations that the gentleman she was close to was a fairly kinky guy who had tried breathplay. It made me wonder if she was trying it with him, and not telling her husband. All this is supposition. I don't know any of it for certain. But wouldn't it just be a shame if that was the case and there was an accident?

I watch people, and I listen. I got bored with talking about myself years ago, and I started paying attention to others as a result. I think other people are far more intriguing than my own life could ever be. Sometimes people tell me things, and thought I don't repeat them, I remember them. I think about them. I spend a lot of time in my own head, meandering the halls and peeking around corners, repainting the walls and swapping the carpet. I try to keep my headspace comfortable, but modern. As a result of this constant redecorating, I'm comfortable enough with my habits and opinions to express them often, and with much passion. I'm not without a social filter; I don't discuss my sex life with my boss or any such thing. But I do discuss such things with close friends, and have touched on the subject with what family I trust. Not only does it help me with my own self-exploration, but it's one more small step toward making certain that if a partner of mine mentions that I'm into having my neck squeezed to get my jollies off, they're likely to be believed.

I guess that's more important to me than a few bad opinions, or being seen as 'freaky'.

[Bayushi]

Tri, darling, if you enjoy doing something like breatheplay, then who is to say it's wrong? Only YOU can make that decision, hun. Don't give a damn what narrow minded and judgmental people think of it. It's none of their business, anyways.

The only thing I can say is that it IS known to cause damage to the arteries in your neck. You know, the ones that carry that all important blood(with oxygen) to your brain?

In the long run, it can kill you quickly from an accidentally(or purposefully) collapsed trachea, or it can kill you slowly through depriving your brain of oxygen.

Please be careful, darling. It is all I ask.

[Trieste]

*hugs Akiko* I am careful, promise. :)

[Captain Maltese]

Hm. When I indulge in breathplay, I cover my partner's mouth and nose with my hands. No danger of damaging the neck at least.

[stimulationii]

Breath play is dangerous but I can see why a submissive would love being in the hands of the person she trusts. I can see why I would love to try something like that since domination and power gives me the greatest thrills in life.

[kylie]

Moser writes in Health Care Without Shame that many people engage in breathplay without realizing that they are likely to inflict "cumulative damage."  Caveat, the book was published in 1999 -- but I think it is still quite likely that many people involved in kink will have difficulties communicating about it with their health care professionals.   

Trieste, I appreciate that you appear to be trying to get good medical advice.  I have not researched the matter really, but just from this short discussion I'm personally somewhat less than convinced it's established that most people who do breathplay, completely understand the medical implications in our present time.  So, I suspect that part of the stigma issue you mention is in the tension between "those who partake as safely as they can" and a general social situation where not everyone may understand the dangers.

This is not to say that all of the stigma originates by any means with lack of medical knowledge with participants.  That is only saying: I suspect there is a circular problem of stigma and lack of informed action.  Something like this:

1) General public squeamishness about "rational individuals" who are sharing/experimental enough to explore their connections with the world through power exchange.  To a large extent, the state of Western culture still relies upon more "sedate" prescriptions about how to understand and explore power, privilege and the body.  The "sedate" version run: just drink, consume, medicate, gamble go to Disneyworld and focus on your "one true traditional" marriage etc.  But whatever you do, secure your body.  Don't lose an ounce of blood or a year of wrinkles on thrills, unless it's proving how you can bash into someone from the other company (we mean "team," really, they say) in sports.

2.  After a collision of this magnitude between kinky risk-play and social norms...  It's a small matter for patients to be concerned about the reactions of their doctors (who Moser says are conservative, as a general demographic.  Though rarely, he says, would they actually refuse treatment on the basis of kinky activity). 

3.  Ansty patients leads to bad communication.  Which leads to more distortion and contributes back to general stigma about bdsm, etc.  Round and round it goes.  So... one of the symptoms of all this is likely to be, although you are hopefully being safe...  It still seems likely that some people are not.  And more confusion and concern about breathplay in particular follows.   

I've probably beaten a dead horse a few times in there for you.  Personally, I expect people to find all kinds of interesting methods, experiences and risks or plain sacrifices (short or long-term).  Just thought I'd toss this in, since I chanced across it in reading.

[Trieste]

I don't think you were beating a dead horse. I think you've made very good points.

There seem to be very few doctors who understand that some risks are worth the pleasure. Knifeplay leaves scars, but it's worth it. Breathplay causes damage in itself, its own kind of scars, but that happens. I think people seek out medical professionals so often to preserve and prolong their own life and youth that they are pretty well blindsided by someone who is willing to take a risk once in a while.

I feel like poking them and saying, c'mon ... risk a wrinkle.