Tails of Monkey - Adventure awaits!

[Catherine]

It was simple really to do one thing followed by another and hope the first thing lets me do the second thing. If not well I will have to switch over to plan b, which I didn't have planned and it would entail me taking my clothes off and changing into a brontosaurus and doing a suplex on silhouette. Which I wasn't looking forward into doing for any number of reasons.

One being, I would have to remove my clothes which yeah no. It is cold, people are watching and smartphones. Don't need the rumor to start going around saying I am an exhibitionist. I do like showing how to do things, like how to drink a banana milkshake correctly. Have I told you that they are really good? What? I have, okay well they are really good. Banana gold and if you drink them correctly it adds to the experience. I have heard, from myself, that banana shakes have stopped wars and after drinking one people have become enlightened and discovered things like gravity, light and doorstops. Without the power of the banana milkshake none of those would have been discovered, well that is what I am telling myself. If you like I can show you later, all that is required us for you to bring your own banana milkshake and bendy straw, no sharesies.

The second is the brontosaurus thing. I can just picture people pointing and saying I gained weight. Like tons, but a girl doesn't need that in the apocalypse since there are other things she would be thinking about. She shouldn't have to worry of her big bottom is making her bottom look big. That and brontosauruses are extinct supposably. Would people question my existence if I turned into one? Also what if chose to be a green brontosaurus and that is the wrong color? What is they are tan, brown or even plaid! Would scientists appear out of nowhere telling me I am inaccurately representing the brontosaurus? Kids everywhere thinking brontosauruses are only green while actually they aren't. Society could crumble! Probably not but still. That and I don't think brontosauruses can jump. Not sure why they would really. They are really big so if they came up to stairs they would just step over all of them. Anything else they could flatten with their feet and if are jumping up snd down to look over something, um look at their neck. Just saying. Finally on the brontosaurus, jump ropes and hopscotch weren't invented until after them. Why would they have jump for? Yeah I know raptors, eek their running around my feet get them off get them off. Since they are devote vegetarians, they can't just reach down and gobble them up so all they would be able to do is jump, also stomp and don't forget the tail. Never forget about the tail.

Oh and brontosauruses don't like to suplex. You have to trust me there. I am not sure why though and if you run into one, which might be hard, could you ask it and let me know.

So back to plan a and just push plan b off to the side. I have seen part of it done in the movies, alway done by people with pointy ears. I thought you might like this. The whole game would be different if monkey was in middle earth I think.


Which is the only thing working against me, the lack of pointy ears. I can simulate them with my hands, which I have done once and it fooled the elves that were supposably escorting a group of people. One of which was my twin sister and her boyfriend. I WACHAA'd an elf and took its cloak, which strangely smelled of evergreens and cookies, put it on and pulled  the hood of the cloak up and stuck my hands up to either side of my head and blended in.   Again they said they were 'escorting' the group but I have my suspensions. The one elf looked funny and not in a haha way. We walked a lot and eventually made our way up into the mountains, after a while I got bored and it looked like the group could handle itself  so I left. Did some adventuring, battled a what was is again? A bull frog, a bow wow or something like that. I remember the fire around its head and how I tried to look for a fire extinguisher, the poor thing had to be in pain. The whole time we fought I kept yelling 'stop, drop and roll' to it but it never listened. It even roared at me when I tried to smother the flames with a blanket, just no respect for those trying to help. Then there was this big eye thingie, which like the bowwow, it had flames all around it. That was just creepy and an obvious major case of eye irritation, no matter where I went the eye followed and it was bloodshot too! I told it to stop and respect others privacy but it didn't listen, so I poked it with a finger. Which it didn't like so the flames around it grew and and it growled. Which I responded with something proper, sticking my tongue out at it and just leaving. Phpt *dismissive wave* one something to bowl the rest or something like that. I forgot to bring my bowling shoes and looking around at things, who knows what I would have caught if I tried on a pair there. Ick.

Oops where was I, oh yeah the pointy ears. I always remembered that the people with pointy ears did this. They would say some words and raise an eyebrow then sneak up behind someone and pinch their shoulder. The receiver of the pinching would just pass out. There was a few items that they did it looking at the person too.  I always wondered why the other people would let them. It was common knowledge that if you have pointy ears you could do this. I would think they would be watched when they started lifting their hands.

'hey what are you doing with that?'

'I have to scratch my nose.'

'Uh huh, that is what the last one with angular ears said. I felt a pinch then I woke up hours later with the word illogical written all over me. Put it down.'

'But I have to scratch my nose.'

'Don't care, this is a warning if you don't drop your hand I will set this to crispy and zap you.'

The tricky part will be the ears and possibly the raising of the one eye brow, since those look like an important part of the technique. No time to simulate the ears with anything else too.  But if it worked  part two of plan a will be possible. It is worth a try. I take a deep breath and start the technique which I can't state the name since it might be copyrighted, but if it works I will call it..... Ninja one shoulder shiatsu pressure point squeeze that will make you pass out technique. Okay I need to work on that.

Time to start it up, "Illogical."

((I would think of something witty with the date and the whole Roddenberry thing but can’t so until next week.))

[Catherine]

I could feel something close to electricity start to run through my body moments after stating the focusing word. The tiny hairs all over my body started to stand up, which made me feel warm and fuzzy all over and for a brief moment I had a fear of falling against a strip of Velcro and becoming stuck. If I remembered correctly there was none around so whew. That would be a little embarrassing to say the least and would hurt a lot when it was ripped off. How hurt a lot? There would be screaming which I guarantee everyone would hear and crying followed by rocking back and forth and then maybe the sucking of a thumb. The last part is iffy though, a worse case scenario.

My body felt like it was a live wire and for a moment I wondered if I was glowing. Which would be kind of cool come to think about it. I would be like those people on serpent orb V minus all the screaming. I wonder if my hair is becoming blonde like theirs does. Will it look fake or dyed? Not looking down at my hands I imagine little lightening bolts dancing over my body. With a smile, lifting a hand and extending one finger then ZAP! A lightening bolt arcing from me to silhouette. It's skeleton glowing as it jerks around.

*dance of the static zapped ninja technique*

That would be so cool, I would definitely tell silhouette I would be filming that with my phone. Maybe tape it to the the staff of whapping and take a selfie as I zap silhouette over my shoulder so I can get us both in the same shot. It would get a bazillion likes and would be tweeted with one hundred forty characters over and over. Maybe one tweet would be 'look at the it in the background, mad dance moves!', yeah I know not a hundred and forty characters but I am imagining to. But none of that was happening, no glowing or dancing lightening all over the body just the power.

Somewhere close a gun fired off or popped a balloon and that was the sign we were waiting for. In a rush of action tentacles shot out of silhouette and raced toward me. There was no way I could dodge of them, okay there was so I did. Dancing to the side the tentacles followed me, shattering the ground and air where I was moments before. In mid jump one caught me and tried to throw me to the ground.

This is going to hurt, I told myself as I flew towards the ground. Seconds away from eating concrete I origami'd myself into a ball around the staff and began to spin. Balls beat concrete in RPS the alt rules which includes; concrete, balls, handiwipes, a glass half full or half empty and stuffed unicorn. So hitting the ground I bounced a little and took of spinning, tentacles grabbing at me from all directions. They thought they had me but would get whapped away by the spinning staff.

Across the parking lot I spun, tentacles everywhere I went and some lingered where I didn't go. Maybe to make sure I wasn't going to go there? Who knows,  since I wasn't going over there I wasn't going to ask. If I wasn't spinning, I would say that tentacles were erupting from everywhere. But since I was spinning they were still erupting from everywhere.

I didn't let anything stop me, especially not gravity as I shot up the sides of walls and spun down the length of one. As I reached the end a black wall shot put  from silhouette's direction and I eeped, "Wing!"

Quickly I unorigami'd myself and hopped above the wing, both hands firmly  planted on the top as i was carried up, pausing for just long enough for the sun to shine behind me with a little bit of a lens flare before spinning around and springing off the back of the wing with both feet.

Back I flew, bending as I arced towards the ground. Suddenly there was a wall of tentacles in front of me.  Let's do a calculation real fast, monkey girl who is cute and adorable, just saying plus extreme rate of speed minus wall of tentacles equals ow and more ow. Okay I don't like the answer that I got so time to add a new variable. Quickly I shove the staff out and front of me and down, it's tip catches a crack and up I go. Arcing above the wall of tentacles and over.

Quickly I land on my feet and take off running, dodging left and right. Diving over and under and even dropping down to all fours to go all limbo style as silhouette's other wing slices as me. SWISH! Swing and miss. I didn't waste Silhouette's effort though, spinning up and over to land on the top of the wing before springing off. BOING!

There it was,  my goal, and I was flying towards it and I was like they showed in the movies. In a blink of an eye I handed the staff of whapping back to my tail, since I will need to use it in step two. The next part was tricky, quickly I through my hands up next to my head, hopefully they would be good for the ear part of the technique. Also I hope they didn't effect my flight path too, if they did I am in trouble. I might go over shooting silhouette and swerve into a tree or something or.... The other thing, I don't want to even imagine that but Ick too late. That better not happen, just no. I don't want that at all. No... No... No... Putting my foot down on that. Well if I could put it down in mid air that is.

Next I raised the eyebrow and I spoke the word again, "Illogical." Time stopped for like a second before catching up. Target closing in mam. Roger that. Opening mouth and....

*Ninja art of the mouth shiatsu that I will regret later*

CHOMP!

((You know it is a fight when there is biting involved. Anything else is just throwing fists and kicks. Remember to visit your dentist regularly if you are planning to join a fight club. Don’t want to go into a nom attack and lose a tooth.))

[Catherine]

I latched on to silhouette's  shoulder and squeezed hoping that I had done everything correctly in this technique, which I think I will call it 'the ninja art of the shoulder squeeze technique regrettably applied by mouth'. It is a technique that I plan to only use once ever and that is even if works. The whole regrettably part is regrettable and is the deal breaker on this technique being used more than once. That whole part will have to be removed if I ever do it again, maybe I could try imaginary pointy ears and see if that's works.

*Imaginary smack to face*

Why didn't I think of that earlier. Before the whole, well shoulder massage with teeth. I don't know where silhouette's shoulder has been, it might leaning against strange things or something, okay I do know where it was once. Inside a rock at the bottom of the harbor, where the fish poop goes. It better have taken a shower or ick. That thought alone makes me tense up for just a moment, but all I am tasting now is void and well fish. But I am in a fishing village so maybe everything tastes like fish. 

"How is that burger Bob?"

"Pretty good Jim, it tastes like fish."

"How is the fries then?"'

"Crispy and they taste like fish."

"How about this something or another Bob?"

"Ah you are trying to get me with that one Jim. That isn't eatable, but it tastes like fish."

Any moment now I expect silhouette to start jerking around, trying to get me off but it doesn't. It just sits there and unless it likes being teeth massaged that means one of two things. One being it is in shock and denial that I would teeth massage it on its shoulder. Then number two, that the technique worked! I am not picky and would go with either really as long as silhouette stood there. The only way to test it is to go to step two, *imaginary fingers crossed* time to see I guess since I don't plan to sit here all day.

Quickly I brought my feet up and under me pressing them against silhouette's back. One....two....three and with a push I push myself up and away as my tail slipped the staff of whapping into my hand, still no movement from silhouette, and started to spin in mid air.

Faster and faster I went, creating a little vacuum on one side and a sort of a blower effect on the other which accidentally sucked in a bird that was flying by and shot it way over there. "Sorry...."

I could feel the pressure building as the air streaked past me. Any moment noe I told myself as my body started to shake. Can I do it? I got my answer a moment later when a loud boom erupted from me. No I didn't explode or accidentally let out a high speed phpt either. But I did do one thing, broke the sound barrier!

They said it couldn't happen, nothing cute and adorable could break the sound barrier it wasn't possible. All of the equations they did, said it wasn't possible.

Cute plus adorable carry the tail and add the square root of pie, which I love by the way. My favorite is banana creme and well sometimes I forget about the silverware, a smile is made bigger when it is covered in whip cream. The solution is almost but you aren't going to break the sound barrier unless you fly or get shot out of a cannon or fall from outer space.

But I got the sonic boom, so it was time for step two. Out came the staff of whapping and with all the speed of a speeding ninja girl it came down, came down hard right onto the top of silhouette's head.

BOOM! EARTH SHAKING KRAKBOOM! OH AND CLOUD PARTING BOOM!

I could feel the staff hitting silhouette's head all the way up my arms and in every fiber of my body, rattling my teeth and my tail's teeth. This us going to hurt in the morning a couple week from now, I told myself.

DELAYED BOOM!

The ground cracked under silhouette's feet, the staff bending a little under the great force, as it sank into the ground and I could feel an explosion of force exploding outwards buffeting everything.

KRAKABOOM!!!!

I could hear the staff creaking and not in a scary door sort of way  as an explosion dust, dirt, small animals and other things flew up into the air in a cloud of all of that stuff. Obscuring anything and everything.

BOOM!

((Quite a use of sound effects in this one. Sounds effects can wear a person out. So until next time, KRAKABOOM!!!))

[Catherine]

Slowly the camera swirls around the scene, monkey girl against something with bat wings and tentacles. The onlookers watching as one blow after another happens. Some start to move when the girl looks like she is getting the stuffing squeezed it of her but stop when puts the stuffing back in and continues to fight.

The camera  catches their faces moving, following monkey as she races around the parking lot evading the tentacles and wings. One, a gilly, jumps up to join the fight but a swift hand appears in front of his face telling him to stop. He looks up to the dark haired rocker who the hand belongs to and sees her slowly shake her head. He says something and she responds but both are. lost in everything that is happening. The camera zooms in for a brief moment to the gilly's face to capture the look of regret on it  as he taps a finger against his cigar, cinders falling before being caught in the wind.

When the camera focuses back on the moment at hand, everyone can see monkey is still dodging the tentacles and in the blink of an eye is up on a wing. As she dismounts  there is a flurry of motion up in the sky above the parking lot and camera swings up to see what it is just in case the thing with tentacles and wings had pulled something from the sky to land on top of the monkey girl's head. Which she wouldn't like by the way. Nothing is falling though, just an angel throwing up a score card of ten, which we are pretty sure cancels out the one judge who has been voting poorly the whole time.

Back to the action the camera zips in just the nick of time as the monkey girl bites down on the things neck. The sound of a nixie barfing is barely caught on the microphones but the camera never leaves the confrontation between tentacle and tail. Really do you want to see a nixie barf? Not a pleasant sight but the microphones catch the gentlemen being a gentlemen and helping her.

Up spins the monkey girl, spinning so fast the camera  can only catch a blur. Then suddenly everything slows down as the monkey girl brings her staff down onto the other fighter's head in a hit that rocks the camera side to side.

A cloud of dust and other things explodes outwards from the two fighters in a burst of energy. The watchers covering their eyes to protect themselves, because you know once you get some dust in your eyes it is hard to get out and there is tons of dust flying about. Even the tumbleweed can be seen practicing proper safety when puts on a pair of safety googles. Unfortunately the camera catches a glimpse of what a monk wears under his robes as they fly up for just a second. Which is long enough really,  I mean who knew. Hopefully it can be censored or edited out.

When the dust and debris finally settles a broken mass of tentacles and wings can be seen laying there. The camera pans looking for monkey, but all it catches is a girl walking out with chains. Binding the tentacles and wings before whistling for someone, out runs another girl, this one with long dark hair, to join her.

The watchers stand there watching as the girls drag the wings and tentacles off knowing what is going to happen. The camera follows the girls for a moment as they drag the bound figure to the harbor, then spins back to  the watchers. One after another each bow their head in remembrance of what they just watched. The lone monkey girl fighting against something with a lot of tentacles. How even knocked down she would get back up and continue to fight.

The camera catches a moment of silence as it slowly spins around the group before each starts to leave quietly. Leaving only the monk standing there. The camera focuses on him as he looks down at the parking lot and slowly up to the sky, a lone tear rolling down his cheek. Slowly he wipes his face and sniffs, maybe because he forgot his antihistamines in other robes or because hey this a touching scene..

The screen starts to go black as he turns to walk away. 

((And fade to black, that is what you do at the end right? ))

[Catherine]

The screen stays black for a very long moment, since that is what happens at the end of a story. The screen goes black and credits roll or something similar, everyone knows that duh.

But a little circle appears in the middle of a blackness and starts to grow revealing the banana milkshake sitting there with a bent straw in the parking lot, forgotten by the watchers maybe but who knows. But the light catches it just right making it look wow.

A dusty hand comes down and picks it up, leaving the camera to focus on the parking lot.

SLURP!

"Mmmm..... Banana gold."

((And that is the official end of the first story arc... Would you like to see more, drop a line in the Tales Of Monkey discussion thread started by Al Terego.))