Coming Back To Life

Started by wolventears, November 18, 2013, 03:36:04 PM

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wolventears

So, my walking is getting better. I am finally able to walk like a female again. Hip sway and all that. But, every single time it feels, when I take 3 steps forward, I have to take 2 steps back. Not as bad as 2 forward and 3 back, but fuck, all the same.

Last week, the pinkie toe and the one beside it on my left foot have been hurting to all hell. And putting on shoes, gods, hurts so bad. So, yesterday, I took my flip flops to work to switch out of after work. When I did, there was blood between my two toes.

I went to quick care. Apparently, I cut the inside of my pinkie toe and it has gotten infected. Don't know how the hell I even managed that because I never do anything barefoot anymore.

So, I'm at home today. No shoes, staying off my feet. I hated that I had to call in, but doctor's orders, ya know?
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

wolventears

#101
So, school year is officially over and summer programs have begun. It's June and I've been sitting here just thinking and writing and I realized something.

It has been two years since the accident. Two years since I nearly died. Since that truck knocked me into the coma and you know what? To look at me, you'd ask, wait what? You were in bad car accident that put you into a coma?

Yeah, it's nuts, but you know what, I do feel good that I can say I had to got through that shit, because it only means I can do anything I put my mind to. There is no reason for me to fail in anything I try to do. I can do this or that because at this point, anything is possible.
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

wolventears

So, I went to an arena football game out here in a stadium and there were stairs. I haven't been on or around stairs since before the accident. And there wasn't an elevator, well, I'm sure there was, but I didn't see one. But then, I can walk.

So, I used the stairs. The first game, I was scared shitless. I mean who could blame me, but at the same time, I knew I was being ridiculous, so, I got pissed at myself more than anything.

But, this last weekend, we went again and before going down to our seats, I looked at those stairs and was like, "we meet again."

I did the stairs much better this time. Going up was a lot easier of course, but I did it. But, the downfall, the walking and I guess movements that I'm not used to, caused my ankle to swell and my foot hurt to all hell.

But, I did it and I know I'll only keep getting better.
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

wolventears

So, it has been awhile since I've written. As the new year is nearly upon us, I would like to stop and just reminisce on this year.

I officially got my own kitchen once again, falling right into work like I hadn't been gone for nearly a year and a half and suffered a traumatic brain injury.
It has been over a year since I started driving again, although I'm pretty sure due to not being able to remember the accident because of the brain injury, that helps a lot, so there isn't fear of getting in a vehicle. Which the other day as I was driving on the freeway beside a big Dodge Diesel, I am really fucking thankful that that doesn't scare the utter shit out of me because in all honesty, it really should.

There were some things I have come to realize this year that people close to me, my husband especially, have been trying to tell me, but I was just to naive to notice or to accept and I wouldn't like to think the accident has made me bitter because it hasn't by any means, but it forced me to grow up quite a bit. I am no longer a child and I needed to come to grips with that and once the withdrawals and brain issues were done and over with, I had begun to think with a clear mind, on basically everything and that includes people.

So, with that said, I've made friends, I've lost some, people who were supposed to be family as well and honestly, I'm not saddened by it.
I've made some big decisions in the year that will make this new year all the more worth while.

So, all in all, here's to an awesome 2016! One more year down and many more to come!
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

Oreo

It s so good to hear from you wolventears. Especially nice that you are getting past some emotional healing. *hugs* Thank you for the update, I had been wondering how you were doing.

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

wolventears

#105
So, I now have an understanding of what my husband and mom felt like when I was in the hospital...

Two weeks ago, my grandfather had a defibrillator and a pace maker put in and since then, his mental health has been well, crazy.

It started that he couldn't be left alone. He talked in circles and the way he acted was like a toddler. One day, he tried to rip apart his house and my brother went to stop him, and he attacked him. Biting and kicking.

So 911 was called.

He was put on a legal hold in the hospital and he's been there for the last week and a half.

I was upset, but now I'm just pissed. What the hell happened during that surgery to make this happen? It was like a switch was flipped.

I go see him everyday after work for a few hours and I watch what's going on around me and the lack of care and it mind boggles me. I am sorry if any of the readers work in health care but being on this side and seeing a loved one go through this and not get what he needs...

You work in healthcare. The care of another human being! A life!

Granted, not all are bad, but not all are great either.

I'm just at a loss here...
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

Oniya

I doubt that this is something that was completely predictable or completely preventable.  Has the hospital done any brain imaging since he's been back in?  That would be my first avenue to pursue, speaking as a complete layperson.
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

wolventears

They have done ct scans and mri's. The neuro said it looked like he had eaten some bad pork. But he doesn't eat pork usually, so I don't know. Besides that, the scans have looked good.

So I don't know. I'm don't understand any of it.

We are waiting for a psych eval then he can be placed in a care facility because he can't be home alone and unsupervised.
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

wolventears

Today is the 3 year anniversary.

Had a n emotional breakdown this morning over some dumb shit. I didn't realize what day it was but subconsciously I remember.

Now  I'm kind of not knowing how to feel.

But I'm here. That's all I have to remember. Doing stuff the doctors said I wouldn't be able to do ever again.
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

Oniya

You are here.  And exceeding expectations.  I'd say that's cause for some swagger.  ;D
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

wolventears

So today, based off everything my husband and mother have said, I'm pretty sure today is the day that 3 years ago, I officially woke up in the hospital. And by officially, I mean that I woke up and was actually there, and can remember what happened that day.
I remember waking up that morning in a hospital bed, beeps from the machines around me and being like, where am I?
I was at Kindred hospital, bed ridden, and a catheter in.
I woke up, my body not wanting to cooperate and I was on the verge of freaking out, but luckily, my mom was there to tell me what happened.
I had been awake for a few weeks I believe at that point but had no idea how I had gotten there.
Scariest fucking day of my life, now that I think back on it. Well, the one I can remember anyways.
But gotta say, it's been three years and I'm here. I'm okay, hell, I'm fucking fantastic. And it's only getting better.
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

Oreo

Congrats WonderWoman! ;D You've come a long way!

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

Barenmarder

Your story is stupefying. The strength of will and the determination you have leave me speechless.

Your family were behind you, but it was you who took this journey. Never forget the power you have, to overcome adversity.

Thank you for sharing this. Reading it means a great deal.
Ceterum autem censeo, America esse delendam
~~~
Speaker for Quellism
Evil Deeds done, Nefarious Schemes plotted, Maniacal Villain Laughter by request.
"Ask about our hourly rates."
est. 1979
RT: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=227285.0
F-List: http://www.f-list.net/c/the%20wandering%20bear/

GingerKitty

Wow, I'm absolutely in awe of your story and determination to live your life to the fullest. You are an inspiration!

Beguile's Mistress

Quote from: wolventears on July 14, 2016, 05:28:28 PM
I'm okay, hell, I'm fucking fantastic. And it's only getting better.

You are perfectly wonderful!  An amazement!  I'm so happy for you!

You've given yourself the gift of looking forward and you'll do that every day from now on.  Your story has given all of the gift of knowing that the human spirit can endure, the human heart can heal, and the human soul can carry us through anything. 

wolventears

As shitty of a time it was, the accident and the healing process, it has seriously changed the husband's and my life around for the better.

As of July 1st, he is now a parts manager at one of the BMW stores in Vegas and I will be moving up to a middle or high school kitchen this year as the manager myself. The money is flowing and last night, I bought tickets to Vegas' first official NHL hockey game at the new T-Mobile arena to see the Dallas Stars and the LA Kings in a preseason game! So fucking stoked!!!!

On top of that, tomorrow I'm going to my first kickboxing class. The reviews were all pretty damn good and from what I hear, it's a blast. So I'm hoping, if I like it, it will help me with my balance, which is still kind of off, and to lose that last bit of weight I gained after coming home from the hospital.

So here is to some kickass times from here on out in the years to come. ^-^
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

wolventears

So I started kickboxing last Friday. Got some things to work on but I already notice a difference. And, I'm down 2 pounds. Yeah buddy!

It's helping with my balance and I'm getting my strength up. It's also helping with my frustration. Apparently, everyone, and I mean everyone, seems to annoy and piss me off so I can go now and punch my hatred out. It really works. And it's a fucking blast.
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

Beguile's Mistress

Sounds like it is hitting all the good buttons. :-)

wolventears

So kickboxing, I am totally addicted to. I started a 45 day challenge on the 1st, which entails I have to go to at least 15 classes and make 2 dietary changes. I've already been to 2 and my dietary changes included no liquor, beer is especially a big downfall of mine, and soda of any kind. The diet ones were a big thing for me. But no more.

The last two days I've upped my protein and leafy green intake and along with my killer workouts, I've already dropped nearly a full 3 pounds. Probably water weight, but still, makes me fucking ecstatic.

And, to make things even happier, I got a puppy. An irishdoodle (irish setter/standard poodle mix), mixed with chihuahua. She's adorable and tiny as hell. We call her Brody.

So all in all, life is good right now.  ^-^
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

wolventears

It's been a while since I've written but think it is time to write down how life has been as of late.

The end 2016 was rough. I lost my grandfather and that was pretty damn hard on me. But I like to think he's watching over me and wanting me to succeed.

The new year has been alright. I still have some things physically that need to be worked on, but it is getting better. Like my balance. That is a big thing but I had a woman at kickboxing tell me that I had improved so much from the last time she saw me and that was like 4 months ago.

I am doing a 30 day ab challenge for the month of April and already, I am down 2 inches off my waist and finally, nearly four fucking years later, I am back to the weight I was before the accident. Also went down a pant size which is pretty damn sweet.

It hasn't been too bad. I've just been living I guess. With the husband now the parts manager for BMW here in Vegas, he works long hours so during the week, I'm alone a lot. So kickboxing and writing is kind of my life at the moment. But it is what it is until something happens I suppose.

But, on the bright side, I'm doing well. Mentally, I still have some things to work through, but kickboxing has helped with the anger issues a lot. Other than that, it's more memory now really. I write a lot of things down still but it is getting better. All in good time, I suppose.
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

Oreo

I am so glad to hear from you every time you leave us an update, wonderwoman! That is great that there is still improvement going on. ;D

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

persephone325

I'm glad to hear how well you're doing. ^^ You're an inspiration!
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."

wolventears

Today, it's been four years. Four years since it almost ended for me. Four years since I nearly broke the man I would give anything for.

We took the day off together and for the first time on this day in these last couple years, I am not an emotional mess. I'm okay.

I'm happy I made it. I'm happy to be alive. Granted all the shit I had to go through to get to where I'm at sucked a big one, but I did it.

Life has been good.
In fear, I ran this way and that, the tastes of blood and chocolate in my mouth.

My yes please and not so much. ;)
And if you'd ever like to know why I was away for awhile

Oreo

*has a warm fluffy moment* <3

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

persephone325

So glad to hear you're doing better. ^^ This was one of the first blogs I looked at when I joined, and I've followed it for a while.

<3 <3 You really are inspiring. :-)
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."