[D&D 5e] Acquisitions Incorporated; Internship Opportunities!

[Chulanowa]

At Acquisitions Incorporated, you inquire - and we acquire™. For nearly twenty years, other people have had things you've really wanted and we've gone over there to get those things,
even if they didn't want us to do that. Typically, they don't. But we don't work for them, we work for you™. We've acquired it all, but we specialize in staves, gems, and storied weapons
of great lineage. We do apply a reasonable surtax for rods, because rods. It's been a problem. This is AcqInc in a nutshell:

Defenses negotiable. Merchandise plentiful. Franchises available.

Acquisitions Incorporated: It's In The Name™

WE ARE NOT NOW SEEKING INTERNS!
Are you part of a Ragtag Band of Misfits?

*

Acquisitions Inc. LLC is not responsible for loss of life,
limb, sanity, virginity, or dignity incurred on any capers, hijinks, escapades,
or unforseen events, hereafter known as "adventures." Acquisitions Incorporated LLC
reserves the right to deny all associations with interns in
case of any event involving, peripheral to, or postumously occurring in
the course of said adventure. All adventures must be accounted for on
intern timecards and a full log of events presented to the regional manager
in triplicate. Negligence in the filing of proper adventure forms (Documents 2C, BE-131,
and AI-2, pages 3-13) will result in reprimand for the first offense, dock of pay
for the second offense, and deportation to the Waterdeep offices on the third offense.
(We'll keep an oubliette open for you™ - Omin)

**

Acquisitions Incorporated LLC retains all rights to all profits incurred in the
course of the aforementioned "adventures." After filling forms BE-2, AD1-3, and pages 4-14 of EH-4,
interns may be entitled to monetary compensation derived from the profits of said adventure, at
discretion of the regional manager. All adventuring profits must be logged in triplicate
and delivered to the regional manager as well as the home office in Waterdeep. All
filing of paperwork incurs a surcharge of... (this section continues for seven paragraphs, some completely in Elder Elvish)

***

Or AIAIOP, for short.
(I really think we need to work on that one in the final draft, guys. - Viari)

****

Acquisitions Incorporated, LLC is not liable for shock, loss of skin, infection, or humiliaiton
incurred during the process of branding an intern. All brands are permanent. Removal of the Acquisitions
Incorporated branding Logo will be considered a breach of contract, and may result in legal redress
for loss of company property. (Bears may be involved, we're not sure yet - Jim)

Do you seek Adventure* and Profit**?
Have you ever dreamed of Something More Than This?
Do you respond well to directed management?
Consider the Acquisitions Incorporated Adventurer Intern Opportunity Program***!
GET BRANDED NOW!****


   Well then, I guess this is a thing that is happening. Hello everyone and welcome to my take on the beloved franchise of Acquisitions Incorporated! I'm going to cut right to the chase.

   You COULD have gotten a job with the Gray Hands. But they wanted you to pay

*

This is a dramatic re-enactment, and such backstories do not
apply to all potential interns. Your mileage may vary,
is what we're saying.

up-front. The Knights of the Unicorn have certain cultish aspects, such as being a cult. And like, medieval bronies. For a time the Company of the Catlash was considering you until you forgot to shave the day of your interview. Really it came down to two choices for your adventuring career; Acquisitions Incorporated, or the Companions of the Hall. And let's face it, you'd never cut a heroic figure standing next to Drizzt*. So here you are, application in hand for the most heroic capable franchised adventuring company of the Sword Coast!

   If you've seen any of the OG Acquisitions Incorporated series, you know exactly what this is. If not, no problem! This is going to be a comic fantasy adventure game set in D&D's Forgotten Realms setting (at least, to start with. Fuckin' portals man, how do they work?) and using the 5th edition D&D ruleset.

   Your characters are all applying for internships into the Acquisitions Incorporated adventuring company. they are scrubs. Nobodies. The riffraff. The dorito crumbs that fall out of your Player's Handbook when you hold it by the spine and shake it a little. The three key words are Not Heroes Yet™. Actually given the company they've joined up with they're as likely to end up as professional dire rabbit herders as they are to end up heroes, but they don't know that!

The Rules

The rules are simple!

• Rule of Rad: Some things you can do. other things you can't do. But if there's something you technically can't do, but it sounds sufficiently rad (at GM's discretion) you'll at least get a shot at pulling it off. Don't be afraid to try those triple somersaults off the back of a flying dragon to party a lethal thrust to your best buddy's beloved boob-bearer.

• Table Talk: I know it can be a little awkward to do in PbP format, but for this I totally encourage table-talk and mild metagaming in the OOC thread that I assure you will exist as soon as the contractors get around to it. Just keep it affable! Be warned; the DM may take comments in the OOC thread as suggestions.  O8)

• Humor: Like I said, this is a comic adventure. That doesn't mean it's a nonstop comedy rollercoaster, every word has to be a joke, or the like. But you will encounter the absurd. There will be occasional pop culture references (one of the top-seating regular plays in Waterdeep is currently Keeping Up With The Chondathans) and I expect quips and riffs and low-hanging fruit (heh, heh...). Don't feel like you've got to give a standup comedy act, but keep a sense of humor and tolerance for silliness. You're in a game where a Rod of Seven Parts has been "kiestered" for two years, mecha-beholders exist, and Newhamp Shire is an actual place.

• E Stuff: Sexual humor is definitely a thing in AcqInc. However sex is not the focus of the game. If you want to get it on, cool, that's all you. Feel free to schmooze your teammates all you like, to any degree the two+ of you are comfortable with. NPC sex will "fade to black." The game will be contained in the Light: Human Small Groups section of the forums. All characters must be the species equivalent of 17+. As Acquisitions Incorporated strives for diversity in its Internship Program, any character can be of any gender or orientation, and I will try for some sort of parity in character selection.

Speaking of which I have space for SIX people for this. I'm going to keep recruitment going until Wednesday (5/17). The game isn't first-come-first serve, so if you want to toss in an application, by all means, please do so.

Your Characters

   So you've read all that. You've had your local notary examine the fine print, and for some unfathomable reason you still want to join the AIAIOP? Well that's just great! Here's how you do it!

• Character Names: Don't take it so serious. You're in a universe with people named Jim Darkmagic, Jeff the Dead Intern, K'thriss Drow'b (played by Chris Straub!), Donaar Blit'zen, Timothy Goodboy Dunstucker, and Walnut Dankgrass. Have fun!
• Appearances: Your character can natually look like anything you like. if you are using a character image though, please avoid anime / manga and photographs. Cartoonish artwork is certainly okay (even encouraged) however. I mean just look at the crap amazing work Jerry and Scott draw for the main cast.
• Concepts: Remember that part where I compared your character to stale chip crumbs? Yeah, think like that. "Weird" characters are great, and weirdness is probably why they're applying for AcqInc internships in the first place. Hillbilly dwarf sorcerers, dragonborn bards who dual-wield bass lutes, that sort of stuff can work. I mean, maybe not mechanically, but never know 'til you try (see section 3, paragraph 1, Rad, rule of)
• Backgrounds: Two things. One, I dislike long narrative backgrounds. if you enjoy making them, you do you, that's great, but I'm truly fine with two or even three succinct paragraphs. Two, I'm interested in your character. Not their parents, not the guy they knew in barbarian college (Go Fighting RARGHYARGHBLARGGLARGH!!!!) and not a century of history about the hometown. Tell me how that stuff affects your character, if it's important to them. If it's not important now, feel free to make it up later! And also, you're level 1 adventurers seeking "employment" as interns for a shady fly-by-night adventuring company run by a chubby bald half-elf. You are, to use MMORPG terms, "n00bs". So. I guess that's actually three things. Don't worry, there's no math in D&D. I promise.
• Alignment: All good and neutral alignments are allowed. I have no doubts that you'll all be a pack of savage murder-hobos roaming the countryside halfway through the game though, so don't sweat it too hard.
• Races: All races and subraces found in the Player's Handbook and Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide are good to go, as are Aasimar, Goliaths, and Genasi. Humans can use either the "standard" or "variant" options form the Player's Handbook. Half Elves and Tieflings can use the optional rules in Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide.
• Classes: All classes, subclasses, and options from the Player's Handbook and Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide are allowed.
• Unearthed Arcana: Pretty much all the stuff in Unearthed Arcana is acceptable as well, except for Minotaurs and probably one or two other things that are slipping my mind right now. I'm good with most of it, but be sure to ask just in case.
• Abilities: Roll 3d6, apply in order of rolls. Sorry, I didn't promise every joke would be funny. I'm going to use the suggested stat arrays from the Player's Handbook. Your characters can apply the following stats as they wish, before racial modifiers: 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8.
• Trinkets: Everyone gets a roll on the trinkets table. I can't promise that they will be relevant in any way to anything, but I think trinkets are cool, so I'm handing 'em out like Oprah.

At the start of the game, your characters are all level 1, in the city of Waterdeep. Maybe some of you know each other - probably not, though.


So that's pretty much it! Just sign on the dotted line and slip your application through the mail slot after regular business hours. From everyone at Acquisitions Incorporated, we look forward to you Joining the Adventure!™

[Rummy Tum Tum]

I've been drinkin', which makes this the perfect timing! The fates have truly worked in my favor >:)

[Hexed]

pfft. May I suggest a drunken master monk then Rummy Tum Tum? :p


Chulanowa is the artificer class from UA allowed? http://media.wizards.com/2016/dnd/downloads/1_UA_Artificer_20170109.pdf

You did say ask. :D

[Chulanowa]

pfft. May I suggest a drunken master monk then Rummy Tum Tum? :p


Chulanowa is the artificer class from UA allowed? http://media.wizards.com/2016/dnd/downloads/1_UA_Artificer_20170109.pdf

You did say ask. :D

Yes, in fact. Both specializations.

[Rummy Tum Tum]

pfft. May I suggest a drunken master monk then Rummy Tum Tum? :p

A drunken anything will do :D

[Bibliophilia]

Gillie Pussyfoot
Forest Gnome Rogue 1 (Guild Artisan; Baker)

Personality:  I like to think of myself as a genial person, always willing to help my fellow man.  While it is true that I can be somewhat volatile, I wouldn't put much stock into the vicious rumors of people who are clearly jealous of my natural charm and skill with bladed weaponry.  I've never once stabbed anyone who didn't ask for it, either explicitly or indirectly, through word or deed.  And of those blessed few, none died from their injuries.  That's not to say I'm morally opposed to killing, or incompetent at it, just that I am clever enough to be aware that killing without a good cause(and someone higher on the food chain to blame) will land you in the clink.  I wouldn't do well in prison.  Have you seen this face?

History:  When she was 16, Gillie climbed the highest tree in the forest where she grew up and looked out over the canopy, only to spy a curious black cloud rising into the sky....wait, no, that's Fern Gully.  Gillie was raised in a tall tower with no means of esc...wait, nope, that is Rapunzel.  Sorry, give me a moment.

Huh.  Okay.  Gillie grew up in a forest with a load of other gnomes, who went about their days doing things like expressing the anal glands of civet cats to collect the fluid for perfumes.  Gillie didn't really fancy the idea of playing with animal butts or milking albino sugar gliders.  Or collecting bat guano.  So, instead, she went to work for the village baker, learning to make delicious nut pies and hearty fruit cakes to feed to everyone else, whose jobs left them in desperate need of sweets.

Still, though she loved to bake and was quite good at it, Gillie felt she was meant for something more than her provincial life.  Oops, sorry, slipped into Beauty and the Beast for a moment there.  It was all well and good making delicious treats for the locals and sneaking off to play 'Dagger & Sheath' with the local boys, but their whining about how she played it wrong and all the blood just got boring after a while.  She wanted Adventure™ and Excitement™.

So, she packed up her baking tools, gathered the gold she'd managed to save up, strapped her tortoise to her thigh and set off toward the nearest city to seek her destiny.  Two weeks later she had been robbed four times, mistaken for a lost child and forceably escorted to the local constabulary twice and propositioned once by a very stupid orc.  Rather than try and explain the concept of size disparity and how one couldn't fit five pounds of...,let's say potatoes, into a one pound sack, Gillie simply convinced the orc she was more trouble than she was worth via judicious application of her paring knife.

Her natural skill with the knife, and cunning, caught the attention of a local thief who decided to take her under his wing.  Well, that's what he said.  She figured it had more to do with him being well into his fifties and too arthritic for roguery anymore.  He needed a young, nimble protégé to keep him fed, clothed and off the streets, and Gillie was more than happy to be that protégé.  For the next few months, Tibalt the Halfling taught Gillie everything he knew and she, in turn, kept them both fed.  But, as with baking, eventually learning and simply using her new skills to 'get by' wasn't enough.

Gillie never learned to read, and you can bet Tibalt regretted ever telling her it wasn't necessary when she announced with excitement that she had marked her X on the dotted line at Acquisitions Inc.  She left him the majority of the gold she'd managed to pilfer from the patrons at a tavern on her way back home, and ignored all of his dire warnings as she packed her meager things.  Convinced he was just trying to get her to stay, she bid him farewell, told him the gold would see him through until she could send more, then set off to buy herself a few more things for her new life...as an Adventurer™!  YEAH! -freeze frame on fist-pump.-

Sexuality: Why is this here?  I'm not fucking the damn koala, I don't care how magical it is!

Reason for Application:  When you stab guys in the kidney for pay, it's a profession.  When you do it for fun, it's a crime.  I like the sound of professional more than criminal.

This...is Frank.  Frank is Gillie's pet tortoise.  He's about the size of a cereal bowl, and he travels around in a special harness that Gillie has constructed out of leather straps.  When she is on the move, Frank can be seen dangling from her belt by her left thigh, like a rock in black leather bondage gear.  Luckily, Frank has no idea how utterly undignified this is, and even if he did, he could likely be bribed into not giving a fuck with liberal applications of fresh tomato and blackberries.

When at camp, Gillie frees Frank from his leather straps to let him roam freely.  He usually doesn't venture far from her, because he is smart enough to realize that she is the one with the fruits and vegetables that he enjoys eating.  Every so often he will get adventurous and crawl away from camp in search of wildflowers to munch on, but he never gets far.  'Cause he's slow.  'Cause he's a tortoise.

Frank also likes having his shell brushed and his chin scratched.  Just saying.

[Hexed]

holy crap how do you put characters out so fast?

[Bibliophilia]

To be fair, I've known about this all day.  But, also, I have magical character-making powers.

[Chulanowa]

I've been trying to learn her secret.

[Hexed]

Hah. Must be 10th circle magic to do such a feat. :p



That said pondering a artificer gunsmith. Possibly a small race for the lulz. No matter the race calling it a "Boom Stick" is mandatory. :)

[Crash]

I would loooove a chance to play a whacky alchemist (unearthed arcana).

[Doomblade403xxx]

How about  a very large barbarian with a bastard sword and a HUGE....personality

[Chulanowa]

How about  a very large barbarian with a bastard sword and a HUGE....personality

Is there some other sort that I've never heard of?

[Crash]

Any change races from Volo's guide are being allowed.  I didn't see them in your original post, but thought I would make sure.

[Kathyan]

Is there some other sort that I've never heard of?

Well, I'm not familiar with every UA that has come out so I was thinking making a human sage barbarian with high intelligence and the skilled feat to have all the knowledge skills ^^

But I will also be checking at the Mystic.

[Crash]

I am working on a Deep Gnome Artificer (Gunsmith)

[Chulanowa]

Any change races from Volo's guide are being allowed.  I didn't see them in your original post, but thought I would make sure.

Just the Aasimar and Goliath. I like the other races, but I think between the PHB and SCAG, plus the Genasi, I'd say we have plenty.

[Doomblade403xxx]

Well, I'm not familiar with every UA that has come out so I was thinking making a human sage barbarian with high intelligence and the skilled feat to have all the knowledge skills ^^

But I will also be checking at the Mystic.

Maybe we could be siblings.

And I promise I will not throw the halfling at enemies....unless she asks to be thrown at enemies...Then I'm going to throw her....because someone else can do the thinking...I do the hitting.

We could try it the opposite way but I cringe imagining the results

[Crash]

Just the Aasimar and Goliath. I like the other races, but I think between the PHB and SCAG, plus the Genasi, I'd say we have plenty.

No worries.  Deep Gnome is in SCAG so I am good.

[Bibliophilia]

-dances.-  Gnomes, man.  We'll need some big folks to cause distractions while we win the day, though.

[Rummy Tum Tum]

Hmm...I wonder if it's possible to be an Air Genasi who was a bit of a black sheep because they draw power from Phoenix Sorcery. I also wonder if this opens up the possibility for a badass moment involving them becoming a whirlwind of fiery death... somehow

[Kathyan]

Maybe we could be siblings.

And I promise I will not throw the halfling at enemies....unless she asks to be thrown at enemies...Then I'm going to throw her....because someone else can do the thinking...I do the hitting.

We could try it the opposite way but I cringe imagining the results

Oh how... how disgusting! why would anyone would like to solve their problems fighting when we can all just sit and talk with a nice bottle of wine and some fine elvish biscuits, sigh... it just... just... enrages me sooooo much.  ;D

Guess yeah they could be siblings (note I'm not a big fan of incest by the way) or otherwise related somehow.

On a side note I have always wanted to use polysyllabic words that convey the impression of great erudition. but I don't know if I will be able to do so with English not being my first language :P but guess I could still try.


Also Chula I haven't checked either other barbarian path and it may be still early to think about level 3 but would it be possible for a nondwarf to take the path of the Battlerager?

But I still havent checked the Mystic though so that possibility is not discarded yet

[Chulanowa]

If you were raised by dwarves, or are like the dwarf version of an otaku?  ;D

That said, I love dwarves. every game needs more dwarves.

[Doomblade403xxx]

Oh how... how disgusting! why would anyone would like to solve their problems fighting when we can all just sit and talk with a nice bottle of wine and some fine elvish biscuits, sigh... it just... just... enrages me sooooo much.  ;D

Guess yeah they could be siblings (note I'm not a big fan of incest by the way) or otherwise related somehow.

On a side note I have always wanted to use polysyllabic words that convey the impression of great erudition. but I don't know if I will be able to do so with English not being my first language :P but guess I could still try.


Also Chula I haven't checked either other barbarian path and it may be still early to think about level 3 but would it be possible for a nondwarf to take the path of the Battlerager?

But I still havent checked the Mystic though so that possibility is not discarded yet

Yeah this game seems a little less sexy and a little more classic RPG dungeons and dragons. I wasn't rolling up a character to do anything cept play D&D for the most part. The gm can correct me if I'm wrong on that sentiment. I'm likely going to go the route of some islander barbarian who was captured by slavers and sold to the Zhents to fight in the pits. Escaped and have been living off the land and doing some minor adventuring till he applies at Aquisitions Incorporated.

So we don't have to be related, or could be, whatever you like.

[Chulanowa]

Yeah, there's no intentions of a "smut game" here. If PC's want to bang, hey, that's cool, but it's not my, ahem, thrust.  ;D

The idea is the trials and travails of a group of no-name low-levels trying to make something of themselves beyond killing rats in Old Man Warple's basement. Only to find that Old Man Warple has a monthly extermination plan with Acquisitions Incorporated. And instead of rats it's like, smuggled ents or some shit, I don't know.

[Rummy Tum Tum]

That goddamn Warple. He's a crafty bastard!

[Chulanowa]

he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids!

[Rummy Tum Tum]

If he'd just accepted my clever (see:shady) proposition, he would've never got caught.

[Kathyan]

If you were raised by dwarves, or are like the dwarf version of an otaku?  ;D

That said, I love dwarves. every game needs more dwarves.

I really don't like dwarves that much myself, have only played one once and it was in 2e :P but as I was thinking to play an erudite barbarian, lol, I need that feat so guess raised by dwarves or trained by them in case I aim for that as I haven't decided yet.

Yeah this game seems a little less sexy and a little more classic RPG dungeons and dragons...

Yeah, there's no intentions of a "smut game" here. If PC's want to bang, hey, that's cool, but it's not my, ahem, thrust.  ;D

I know, just trying to cover all the possibilities ^^


Edit:
Ok will try to decide soon on whether a barbarian or a mystic, but I just saw the path of the ancestral guardian and I'd be aiming for that, it seems to me that it fits better.

[Doomblade403xxx]

• Character Names: Cedevax
• Concepts: An Escaped Slave that was once a barbarian on the Moonshae Isles
• Backgrounds:
   Cedevax was once a hunter and a warrior in his coastal tribe called Flat Shark Tribe. {A hammerhead shark} Their camp was assaulted by pirates and many of the warriors were killed in the assault. Cedevax lived and was sold to the Zhentarim as a pit fighter, while most of the other survivors were transported to Calimshan to be sold in the slave markets. As the wagon made it's way to Zhentil Keep it was assaulted by orc raiders. Cedevax made a very lucky escape from the battle, and has been on the run from Zhentarim ever since.

   He had several family members and friends still on the ship as it sailed away. One day he hopes to find them, but in his heart he knows they are either sold off or dead. He HATES the Zhentarim and Pirates with a passion and will likely kill either faction on sight. He likes strong ale, hard combat, and soft women. Oddly enough he was never married, and if you believe him, his tribe were polygamists. He wears very little in the way of clothing which draws alot of attention in the cities and hamlets.

   At times he will speak in his home language and no one is likely to know what he is saying. In truth he speaks to his god Silvanus. Cedevax is actually convinced they have an open dialogue and converse, which may mean Ced is a touch on the crazy side.

• Alignment: Chaotic Nuetral
• Races: Human
• Classes: Barbarian
• Trinkets: Small Box Filled with different Sized buttons {53}

[Chulanowa]

-Nudge- No photos. And yes I know it's technically a painting, but we all know that's Jason Momoa.

[Bibliophilia]

-added Frank to Gillie's post.-

[Guancyto]

-dances.-  Gnomes, man.  We'll need some big folks to cause distractions while we win the day, though.

Did somebody say "I wish there were an incredibly enthusiastic hero-to-be halfling paladin to tank for us?"

Austrahild Wanderfoot

As an orphan taken in by the temple of Avoreen, Austrahild was given tales of heroism, adventure and derring-do since she was knee-high (which wasn't actually as long ago as all that). When she came of age she spent everything she had on equipment and set out determined to kick ass and chew licorice root, and she's all out of licorice.

Her optimism is boundless, surely the reality of life as an adventurer-intern won't crush such strong spirits. And hey, it beats working retail...

[Chulanowa]

I love to imagine that she actually has worked retail. Like, selling bowls or something. Shady Larry's lathing emporium. 'Cuz she had to save up to buy her armor or something.

[Guancyto]

Slightly-used specialty furniture. Stocks, chopping blocks, guillotines and all machines, 99% clean and ready for use!

[Chulanowa]

Yeah, nothing worse than an unsanitary guillotine. You know they swab your neck with alcohol so you don't get an infection? it sounds silly, but we're in a universe with resurrect spells.

[greenknight]

I'd love to join the game and play William Hook, a human fighter with the polearm master feat, but I've got too many games right now  :'(

Have fun, I will be reading.

[Chulanowa]

I see what you did there.

[greenknight]

I see what you did there.

"What? It's just a glaive glaive guisarme de corbin." -William Hook

[Doomblade403xxx]

That pic more to your liking?

[Chulanowa]

That pic more to your liking?

I'm always up for Conan, so sure  ;D

[Sain]

Aww this looks like great fun but don't have time :<

Perhaps there will come need for replacement interns some day down the line.

[Rummy Tum Tum]

Gustavo Ventus

Personality: Gustavo presents himself as a gentleman and a scholar, with a rapier wit and the heart of nobility. Not so deep down, he's more of a crude and sarcastic ass with just enough morality to aid rather than hinder his fellow humanoids. He has aspirations for greatness and prestige; things he's sure he will one day attain. Even if he has to lie and cheat and swindle his way to them.

History: It's funny where one can find love. Whether it's with a giant scaled beast or a magical being from the elemental chaos. But that's a story of the past; a story of how he came to be. What is most important are the events that got him here.

In the not too distant past, a young Gustavo, fresh faced and carefree in spite of his dreadfully middle class upbringing, met another child his own age. A boy name Kor, who grew up poor, and had to steal and lie to get by. Now here is the point when most normal children would have considered this a lesson and learned to better appreciate what they had. Gustavo saw it as a lesson in how gullible grownups could be. From the moment of their first pickpocketing scam, the two were thick as thieves. That is, until years later, when Kor was caught holding the bag by a band of meddling kids and their stupid dog. Gustavo, being the kind of friend he was, subsequently fled town like a bat out of hell.

After having to depart from his home and his mother's care, Gustavo became something of a transient trickster. It was in this time that he discovered his arcane abilities, and all the stories of his ancestry finally clicked with him. He was born to be a powerful sorcerer. It was in his blood! And as with all advantages, he knew he had to use that as a means to make coin. Being an adventurer was fun and profitable, and rife with fame and prestige; or so he'd heard. Thus he set out to become one. Unfortunately, it was more difficult than he thought to get in with a good company. He didn't have the money or the fanaticism or the actual strength to fit in with most other adventuring companies. And so, with his ego at its trough and his desperation at its peak, he signed the incredibly sketchy contract that got him in with Acquisitions Incorporated.

Reason for Application: No one else would take me. I have deep respect for this company. And it has always been my goal, nay, my dream, to serve among such fine and prestigious persons.

[Crash]

-dances.-  Gnomes, man.  We'll need some big folks to cause distractions while we win the day, though.

Working on this guy....

[Bibliophilia]

Rummy, Gustavo is awesome.  -giggles.-

Crash, I love that image!  -wriggles in excitement for this game.-

[Rummy Tum Tum]

Thanks Bib. So's ol Pussyfoot and her valiant steed :D

[Chulanowa]

The applicants thus far!

Gillie Pussyfoot, gnome rogue going through a phase! She likes turtles.
Cedevax, Human Brobarian! Fistbump.
Austrahild Wanderfoot, the manic halfling dream girl paladin.
Gustavo Ventus, Genasi sorcerer and - apparently - professional kissass.

Surely there are more to come? Wizards of repute? Spoony bards? A dragonborn monk with a pet mouse who once got into a barfight with Minsc? Three kobolds in a trenchcoat posing as a warlock? A human fighter named Rethgif?

[Hexed]

Another gnome! Sadly more mad scientist then funny. But my humour tends to fall towards the darker spectrum so...  Although the three kobolds posing as a warlock could be funny as hell to play. Surprisingly few pictures did I find searching alchemist cannons. :(  And I've yet to figure out how a pair of topless spellcasters counts as cannons even if the one was very top heavy.

Ella BoomingSong Scheppen Stumbleduck

An alchemist and inventor of Grand Inventions, at least within her own mind. A stereotypical rock gnome in most ways she's a horror within any lab as she's quite convinced that the best creations involve massive explosions or horrifically loud sounds. No sooner had her training and initiation into the grand Guild of Alchemists been completed then they sent her out into the world to ensure all of her ideas work in the field. A pity they shipped her out so fast that she didn't get to enjoy the party in her honour.  Oddly enough very few of the Adventurer Companies took her intentions of field testing things on her fellows very well. But hey. This Acquisitions Incorporated takes anyone!

[Zaer Darkwail]

Chugheck Mudbrew
Mountain Dwarf Barbarian 1 (Mercenary Veteran; The Bloodaxes)

Biography: Chugcheck Mudbrew (or Chug for short) is a funshack....sag? Whatever! He is great guy; enjoys drinking, eatting and fucking (not that order mind you) and enjoys good brawl and fight whenever he can and enjoy life fullest! Sad though he was banished from Mithril Halls because he punted king Bruenor's ale mug and calling it piss water (which it was, as Mudbrew's are proud brewers and Chug was insulted king prefered drink anything over his family brewed!). He was almost executed but was instead exiled, so as criminally charged by king Bruenor he was not welcome to other dwarven halls and instead joined with The Bloodaxes, which accepts any misfits, criminals and other unwanted personel. The group felt like family, soulmates almost! So much fun and closeness he felt to them he gladly showed his appreciation with his brewed ale and enjoying it with them (and unleash joyous laugther and dwarven tier of biogas releases which matched pace of his laugther in release!).

Then at Waterdeep the group had....forgot him for sure as they sure should not forget Chug! As his stench of him should stick to them for weeks at least! No matter, Chug had fun with them and would not mind rejoin them again, but for now he needs work and needs work through the tiny hand writing in the contract form and find where spit smear his name under.....

Sexuality: Sex...duality....ubality....ability....bah! Sex! I love sex! I am shirtless bearded god of sex! Bring me wenches!

Reason for Application: Drinked, passed out, merc company left without me and I need work to drink and eat more....

This is Chug's tankard mug, it's his most beloved possession of his. As his great-great-great-great grandfather got it gift from high dwarven king long time ago for loyal service as royal guard and royal brewer. So all Mudbrew's had drinked from same mithril mug across generations, passed between father and son when son takes first taste of family brew which has been brewed fit of a king. So dare insult his mug, I dare you!

[Bibliophilia]

Okay.  I got Gillie's history written up and she should be all done now.

[Chulanowa]

True story, that mug has never been washed. Ever. That's not a metal rim at the top, it's 30 generations of Dwarvish lip-and-whisker grime.

[Zaer Darkwail]

And is in truth coated in mithril as in truth it has thin adamantine layer underneath the mithril to add extra hardness for the mug so it can serve as improvised bashing weapon. Dwarven tavern brawls forbid manufactured weapon use but everything else is fair game. Thirty generations of dwarven brewers magic has reinforced the mug beyond 'sturdy' as dwarven term goes.

[Crash]

Another gnome! Sadly more mad scientist then funny. But my humour tends to fall towards the darker spectrum so...  Although the three kobolds posing as a warlock could be funny as hell to play. Surprisingly few pictures did I find searching alchemist cannons. :(  And I've yet to figure out how a pair of topless spellcasters counts as cannons even if the one was very top heavy.

Ella BoomingSong Scheppen Stumbleduck

An alchemist and inventor of Grand Inventions, at least within her own mind. A stereotypical rock gnome in most ways she's a horror within any lab as she's quite convinced that the best creations involve massive explosions or horrifically loud sounds. No sooner had her training and initiation into the grand Guild of Alchemists been completed then they sent her out into the world to ensure all of her ideas work in the field. A pity they shipped her out so fast that she didn't get to enjoy the party in her honour.  Oddly enough very few of the Adventurer Companies took her intentions of field testing things on her fellows very well. But hey. This Acquisitions Incorporated takes anyone!

Well guess I will scrap my idea.

[Bibliophilia]

Don't, Crash!  It's not first come, first serve!

[Crash]

Don't, Crash!  It's not first come, first serve!

I really don't like presenting same race, class, specialization someone else does.  I'll look at something else.

[Hexed]

Aye. Don't scrap your idea Crash.

Pft. Even if it's the same three doubt the character would be the same. And that you'd make the same choices further in levels.

[Crash]

Barnabas
Deep Gnome Artificer (Gunsmith) 1 (Folk Hero)

Personality:  Being a Deep Gnome with dark beady eyes and wrinkles that mirror a perpetual sneer you would think that Barnabas was a down right evil, sneaky git.  You would be totally wrong.  He really can’t help how he looks, he gets that from his parent (who really are sneaky, evils gits).  Barnabas is however perpetually annoyed at the gaggle of gnomish fanboys and girls that seem to pop up at the most inconvenient of times. He never wanted to be seen as the Deep Gnome equivalent of the great thespian Antonio Bendarix.  When not annoyed by his pseudo celebrity he tinkers things for his friends and plays guitar.  Barnabas tried to hide his identify with a dark wide brimmed hat and smoky black sunglasses, but that only made him cooler to his fans and started a brief fashion trend among Deep Gnomes.  This didn’t last long as wearing dark sunglasses underground resulting in a number of embarrassing fatalities.

History:  Barnabas never intended to be anything special.  He liked building stuff is all.  The louder and more obnoxious sounding the device the better. He was set for a life of relative obscurity as that weird Deep Gnome her liked to tinker (some whispered that his mother had a fling with a Rock Gnome).  That all changed when his town miners disturbed the lost tomb of Im’ago Nagetcha unleashing a Beholder into their midst.  Yes it was only a Spectator Beholder, but still it ran roughshod over the town, sowing madness and death. 

Barnabas came face to five eyed face with the monster in the town square with his newest, loudest invention and with one thunderous crack he felled the beast with his Thunder Cannon.  At least that is how the story goes.  Barnabas was really just trying to get out of town before he became beholder food and it was just bad luck that he faced off against the beast.  Most fail to mention that the Spectator was also sluggish and sleepy from glutting itself on the town guard and most of its most prominent family.

Barnabas was instantly elevated to the status of town hero, which meant everyone was all up in his business.  He chaffed under the hangers on that followed him everywhere and interrupted him every time he sat down to build something.  Any time a new threat arose the town began to turn to him for protection, without any hint of compensation for the danger they were putting him in.  This would not do.  So with much fanfare he announced that he was going to go out into the overworld and seek fortune and glory in the land of the big’ins.

Much to his chagrin his legend has followed him from gnomish community to gnomish community where they whisper of the steely eyed thunder slinger whos' deep drawl strikes fear in the hearts of fiends and lust in the hearts of young Gnomes.

Sexuality: What’s that?  Everyone wants to pigeon hole you.  Yes, I know what a pigeon is.  They are delicious.

Reason for Application:  To get away from the minor celebrity that seems to follow him among the common folk.  Maybe working with Acquisitions Inc. will give him the opportunity to try out new inventions and perfect his thunder cannon.

[Chulanowa]

"What do you mean, can you say "it's hiiiiiigh noon?" is that some sort of short joke?"

[Cold Heritage]

Could I apply if I'm new to 5e? Like, we're talking, I just started reading the 5e PHB approximately thirty minutes after you started this thread because the idea was that good new to 5e.

[Crash]

"What do you mean, can you say "it's hiiiiiigh noon?" is that some sort of short joke?"

Hah!  Yeah he would have no clue what High Noon means other than maybe a time of day.

[Chulanowa]

Could I apply if I'm new to 5e? Like, we're talking, I just started reading the 5e PHB approximately thirty minutes after you started this thread because the idea was that good new to 5e.

Absolutely! I'm happy to answer any questions you might come up with.

[Cold Heritage]

So far - I've just got to Chapter 7 - 5e seems a lot more forgiving than 3rd edition and Pathfinder. Is that a correct impression?

[Chulanowa]

Absolutely. It's a much less "granular" system, and is designed so pretty much anyone can jump in after, well, reading character creation  ;D

[Bibliophilia]

-amused as hell by Barnabus.-

[Cold Heritage]

For future generations, but we're probably not going to go with this.

Sillassen Syltherranon Silkenthwaite the Third
Human Cleric (Life Domain) 1 (Noble)

Personality: Sillassen is a fastidious sort who values cleanliness and good appearance. Generally good-natured and with an easy laugh, Sillassen may have missed his calling as a Cleric of Ilmater when he took up the whip and became a Cleric of Loviatar. But hairshirts are just so gauche and uncomfortable! So instead Sillassen spread the good word of Loviatar with a smile, warm demeanor, and a kind heart. Sillassen is just full of that good, old time religion and wants to share the happiness of spirit he feels with everyone else!

In all seriousness: Sillassen likes to hurt other people and has done some very terrible things. But that doesn't mean he's a bad person! Well, maybe it does. But at least he's never committed perjury or tax fraud. And that fucking puppy he allegedly kicked had it fucking coming, that smug little bitch.

History: Sillassen is nobility. He grew up rich and wanted for nothing. His parents were kind and loving people. His two older sisters were the very images of ladies of good breeding. It's a mystery how Silassen turned out the way he did. And the gods bless his poor, stupid family members because they always thought that dear little Sillassen was just like them: whenever they found him with an injured small animal on the family estate, they believed his stories about how he had 'found it that way' and 'just trying to heal it.'

Sillassen's education was carried out by several priests of Ilmater who understood Sillassen's true nature, and they tried to teach him compassion for his fellow living creatures. And Sillassen learned to play the role of a kind, compassionate little nobleperson, so concerned with the health and well-being of others. Little Sillassen took a keen interest in justice, and spent a lot of time with his father watching criminals being sentenced and punished for their crimes.

Watching criminals getting flogged was a religious experience for Sillassen. It still is. The crack of the whip brought him to Loviatar and one thing led to another and now he's signed a contract with Acquisitions Incorporated. Of course his parents were distraught with the danger, but Sillassen convinced them that it was a means to travel the world and use his newfound holy powers to aid the needy. For after all, weren't adventurers those most likely to find those most in need to salvation and succor?

Sexuality: Sillassen will fuck that koala if no one else will. [This section was scoured by five priests of Helm, set on fire by five priests of Kossuth, before being finally left on the steps of the nearest temple of Umberlee to be cast to the deepest, darkest part of the ocean. It was then found again on the coast with a letter written in the language of the Kuo-Toa, which read, roughly paraphrased: "Please Don't Poison The Ocean With Your Degeneracy."]


Reason for Application: Adventurers tend to be big meat shields that Sillassen can hide behind, and no one bats an eye when an adventurer is a sociopathic murderhobo. Sillassen has these practical reasons, but deep in his heart, Sillassen hopes that he'll finally be able to make real friends.

[Doomblade403xxx]

Sillassen Syltherranon Silkenthwaite the Third
Human Cleric (Life Domain) 1 (Noble)

Personality: Sillassen is a fastidious sort who values cleanliness and good appearance. Generally good-natured and with an easy laugh, Sillassen may have missed his calling as a Cleric of Ilmater when he took up the whip and became a Cleric of Loviatar. But hairshirts are just so gauche and uncomfortable! So instead Sillassen spread the good word of Loviatar with a smile, warm demeanor, and a kind heart. Sillassen is just full of that good, old time religion and wants to share the happiness of spirit he feels with everyone else!

In all seriousness: Sillassen likes to hurt other people and has done some very terrible things. But that doesn't mean he's a bad person! Well, maybe it does. But at least he's never committed perjury or tax fraud. And that fucking puppy he allegedly kicked had it fucking coming, that smug little bitch.

History: Sillassen is nobility. He grew up rich and wanted for nothing. His parents were kind and loving people. His two older sisters were the very images of ladies of good breeding. It's a mystery how Silassen turned out the way he did. And the gods bless his poor, stupid family members because they always thought that dear little Sillassen was just like them: whenever they found him with an injured small animal on the family estate, they believed his stories about how he had 'found it that way' and 'just trying to heal it.'

Sillassen's education was carried out by several priests of Ilmater who understood Sillassen's true nature, and they tried to teach him compassion for his fellow living creatures. And Sillassen learned to play the role of a kind, compassionate little nobleperson, so concerned with the health and well-being of others. Little Sillassen took a keen interest in justice, and spent a lot of time with his father watching criminals being sentenced and punished for their crimes.

Watching criminals getting flogged was a religious experience for Sillassen. It still is. The crack of the whip brought him to Loviatar and one thing led to another and now he's signed a contract with Acquisitions Incorporated. Of course his parents were distraught with the danger, but Sillassen convinced them that it was a means to travel the world and use his newfound holy powers to aid the needy. For after all, weren't adventurers those most likely to find those most in need to salvation and succor?

Sexuality: Sillassen will fuck that koala if no one else will. [This section was scoured by five priests of Helm, set on fire by five priests of Kossuth, before being finally left on the steps of the nearest temple of Umberlee to be cast to the deepest, darkest part of the ocean. It was then found again on the coast with a letter written in the language of the Kuo-Toa, which read, roughly paraphrased: "Please Don't Poison The Ocean With Your Degeneracy."]


Reason for Application: Adventurers tend to be big meat shields that Sillassen can hide behind, and no one bats an eye when an adventurer is a sociopathic murderhobo. Sillassen has these practical reasons, but deep in his heart, Sillassen hopes that he'll finally be able to make real friends.

I always mused that the god Loviatar was the diety of the dom/sub lifestyle....this character confirms my suspicions for all these years  ;D

[Chulanowa]

Kiiiinda sounds like it's an evil character. Maybe I'm mistaken, but then, maybe it's the sociopath who hurts small animals and is a cleric of the evil goddess of pain? I did ask that characters not be evil...

[Bibliophilia]

Yeah, he seems more psycho-sadist than sado/masochistic sadist.

[CurvyKitten]

OH....OH is this still looking? Can I apply even if I applied to your other game as well?

[Chulanowa]

OH....OH is this still looking? Can I apply even if I applied to your other game as well?

Sure!

[Cold Heritage]

Kiiiinda sounds like it's an evil character. Maybe I'm mistaken, but then, maybe it's the sociopath who hurts small animals and is a cleric of the evil goddess of pain? I did ask that characters not be evil...

Yeah, he seems more psycho-sadist than sado/masochistic sadist.

That's a fair enough interpretation, and looking at it again, I can completely understand those misgivings.

In play, I imagined that it would be funny that this psycho with a whip is the party's main source of healing magic and having that be a punchline. Like I imagine that "does Gillie gotta shank a bitch?" would be a punch line, you know?

"Sillassen, if you like hurting people so much, why do you only cast healing spells?"
"Uhh, what?"
"Like, don't you think it's weird."
". . . no?"

And he just can't understand why it'd be weird.

But I'll go back and take another crack at it, change the god and take out the psycho. We'll see how it goes.

[CurvyKitten]

Sure!

WOOHOO! I am working on a alcoholic barbarian halfling named Squirrel! Have to convert her from pathfinder...aw no bite attack. :P

[Cold Heritage]

Sillassen Syltherranon Silkenthwaite the Third
Human Cleric (Life Domain) 1 (Noble)

Personality: Sillassen is a fastidious sort who values cleanliness and good appearance. He is a little vain, certainly, and has more pride in his appearance than his peers find healthy, but his heart is in the right place. Sillassen may not truly grasp true compassion as laid out in the doctrine of Ilmater and his notion that there is a finite amount of suffering in the world and that the more he suffers, the less others do, is seen as heresy by hardline theologists. But Sillassen does what he can to alleviate the suffering of others and tries his best to forgive those who trespass against him. It's so difficult and so infuriating to have to bit down on his anger when a passing wagon gets mud on it. The suffering . . . it is good.

History: Sillassen is nobility. He grew up rich and wanted for nothing. His parents were kind and loving people. His two older sisters were the very images of ladies of good breeding. It's a mystery how Silassen turned out the way he did. The young man had no interest in governing or affairs of state, but threw himself into philanthropic pursuits. This caused some small amount of friction within his family because Sillassen had a poor grasp of economics and might've bankrupted his family unwittingly.

When his parents arranged for him to study at a temple of Ilmater, Sillassen was overjoyed. Then he felt guilty about being happy when there were so many who were in need and suffering. Under the tutelage of the long-suffering priests of Ilmater, Sillassen found his calling in life. His grasp of doctrine and theology was often faulty - Sillassen tended to take the wrong lesson away from parables - but his heart was in the right place and he never spilled soup when he was ladling it out for the hungry.

Sillassen often struggled with the knowledge that there were people in faraway lands who suffered and did not know the infinite suffering of Ilmater. He prayed on cold cobblestones for guidance from the Crying God, and his prayers were answered in the form of a recruiter for Acquisitions Incorporated passing by. In short order Sillassen was wowed by the suffering and privation that were the hallmarks of the adventuring life, and he quickly signed a contract (he did read one in full later, and now firmly believes that the recruiter was sent by Ilmater himself to ensure that Sillassen suffered deeply).

Sexuality: Sillassen enjoys holding hands and consensual sex with the lights out in the missionary position in the context of holy matrimony for the purpose of procreation. And yes, he does feel guilty for his degeneracy.

Reason for Application: "Being an adventurer is suffering. And did you actually sit down and read this contract? There's so much suffering. I think there's a sub-section that actually contractually obliges signatories to be miserable."

[Vreski]

Would it it be alright if I submitted a goblin Warlock? I currently have a strong urge to play a goblin.

[Chulanowa]

When his parents arranged for him to study at a temple of Ilmater, Sillassen was overjoyed. Then he felt guilty about being happy when there were so many who were in need and suffering.

...So Ilmater is Catholic?
boooo, hiss, booo!
What? what's I'd say?

;D That looks a lot better Cold.

Would it it be alright if I submitted a goblin Warlock? I currently have a strong urge to play a goblin.

The warlock part is fine. The goblin part, sorry, not this time around. the races / subraces found in the PHB, Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide, plus Aasimar, Goliath, and genasi.

WOOHOO! I am working on a alcoholic barbarian halfling named Squirrel! Have to convert her from pathfinder...aw no bite attack. :P

Man, what is with all the shorties wanting to join AcqInc? I mean I don't mind, it's just a little weird. Maybe they can discover a spell where five of them combine to form a human-sized adventurer. Like Voltron.

[Bibliophilia]

I call the head!

[Cold Heritage]

...So Ilmater is Catholic?
boooo, hiss, booo!
What? what's I'd say?

;D That looks a lot better Cold.

Thanks.

[Guancyto]

Maybe they can discover a spell where five of them combine to form a human-sized adventurer. Like Voltron.

Unity of the Closed Fist!

Also, because it's a comedy game about hapless wannabe adventurers, and while Merry and Pippin weren't the original hapless wannabe adventurers, they sure do fit the bill!

[Chulanowa]

<booknerd>They weren't hapless! Or comic relief! Arghblargargle!</booknerd>

Sorry, sorry, I'm fine. Everything is fine.

[Guancyto]

They certainly weren't as goofy in the books as they were in the movies, but all of the hobbits were still kind of hapless everymen thrust into circumstances far beyond their ken. And they got some comedy now and again.

Alternatively, it is definitely a game about the little people rather than the people who are larger-than-life, those of us playing shortstacks are just applying an extra level of visual metaphor to it! :P

[Cold Heritage]

I do salute you for increasing the number of shortstacks on Elliquiy. Truly a worthy endeavor.

[Chulanowa]

Update: To be frank I didn't expect to get this much interest. Wow guys.  ;D I'm also baffled at the lack of elves. especially when drow are an option. What the hell people, I thought this was E?

I'm going to keep recruitment going until Wednesday. The game isn't first-come-first serve, so if you want to toss in an application, by all means, please do so. At this rate it looks like i'm going to have to pick six people from the herd. So. hey, there we go.

[Cold Heritage]

I was going to be an elf, but things got dangerously Slaanesh-y. I also had a hard time finding a picture that wasn't Warcraft or Warhammer and suffering from an acute case of SPESS MEHREEN pauldron.

[CurvyKitten]

may have missed this, what is the starting gold? As there is no average stated next to the table.

[Chulanowa]

may have missed this, what is the starting gold? As there is no average stated next to the table.

With 5E, you get a set of starting gear from your class and your background. Most backgrounds do give you a small amount of gold. What exactly you get is found under the relevant class / background sections  ;D

[CurvyKitten]

NSFW

Inara Bigstone (aka SQUIRREL)

~Personality~
Inara or better known as Squirrel is all brash and no tact. She lives life to the fullest, drinks, fights, fucks, and hunts whenever she can. If you are looking for a smart, smooth talker, well then you are looking in the wrong place. You want to know the honest truth, well then she is your girl. Want some sense knocked into someone, or to survive the great untamed wilderness, then feel free to ask her for some help.

Honor, glory, and a good time motivate her, as does coin and a good drink. She cares deeply for her clan and those that manage to get close. And of course can be quick to anger when those things are threatened. Or you spill her drink, I mean really that is just rude! Down right fearless, and ready to rumble, and doesn't look half bad carrying her big ass Great Axe.

~History~
Inara knows nothing of her origins, what she does know is that she was found by a nomadic clan of barbarians. And thankfully they didn't eat her or mistake her for chew to for their wolves. In fact the small little rager stole their hearts the moment she chomped down on her daddy's finger and drew first blood.

She was of course tiny, but fierce all the same. Her roar more a growl, but soon even her clansmen found she was not to be taken lightly. Specially with such an interesting reach. Go ahead, ask her how she got the nickname Squirrel....I dare you.

Upon coming of age Inara was told she had to find her own glory before she could rejoin her clan. Each barbarian had to make a name for themselves, earn the right to carry on their bloodline. And damned if she didn't want the chance, even if her bloodline was clearly and interesting one. And so she was off! Only problem was she had no coin and no idea where to start. But one night a local tavern she was introduced to a recruiter for  Acquisitions Incorporated. And after many...many...MANY drinks she signed on the dotted line and passed out. Till the next morning where she woke up ready to start her first adventure!

[Doomblade403xxx]

So do you us to post up the actual character sheets here or send them to you or what?

[Vreski]

Gloria Hollister/Captain Gloria
Human Warlock 1 (Sailor; Former Pirate Captain)

Biography: Gloria can be described as outgoing, spontaneous, impulsive, energetic, and courageous. She's also a little bit greedy and loves collecting treasure. She's very upset that her previous treasure hoard is now at the bottom of the ocean. Gloria is also very loyal to those who befriend her and her crew means the world to her. She's also very upset that her previous crew is also at the bottom of the ocean with her ship and treasure.

Starting out in life, Gloria was born from a prostitute in small run down town on the coast. Shortly there after, she was given away to the Rusty Trombone orphanage where she grew up and received what little education she has. She hated the hard knock life of the orphanage and when she finally turned 16, she ran away from the Rusty Trombone to stowaway on a ship. That ship was then attacked by pirates that took over the ship. They found Gloria hiding in a barrel of apples and brought her on deck where they were keeping the rest of the crew. They were then all offered by the pirates to join them or die. The crew refused to join them and they made them all walk the plank. Gloria had no problem joining them though and became a pirate.

The pirate ship was called the Gruesome Tuesday and it's captain was the infamous Captain Sawtooth Seasaw. He didn't last very long though and ended up dying from scurvy. In fact, a lot of the pirate crew kept dying from scurvy because they all refused to eat their fruits and vegetables like Gloria. Eventually, in the cycle of fellow pirates dying of scurvy and recruiting new pirates from conquered ships, Gloria found herself with the highest standing seniority and became the captain of the Gruesome Tuesday.

Over the next few years, Captain Gloria became a terror of the sea looting hundreds of ships with her scurvy stricken crew. One day, they looted a treasure map off of a ship of adventurers and promptly set sail for the distant island the treasure appeared to be on. The treasure wasn't what they were expecting though, turning out to be some kind of puzzle box. Gloria had it brought back to her captain's quarters and ended up solving the puzzle on the high seas. Solving the puzzle box released an ancient demon that then bound itself to Gloria giving her Warlock powers and knocking her out. It then destroyed her ship and slaughtered her crew. Gloria woke up on a beach a few days later, where the demon explained to her what had happened and offered her a wish genie style to make up for destroying her ship. Due to a lack of clear thought and a hasty poorly worded wish to be super sexy, Gloria now has pink hair, head sized tits and a minotaur cock. She's pissed off to the extreme at the demon she is bound to, but she has no idea where it has gone off to. She hopes to one day be strong enough to hunt it down and kill it.

Sexuality: Yes please (Bisexual)

Reason for Application: After losing her previous crew, Gloria is hoping to find people willing to join her new crew. She's also hoping to earn a lot of money in order to buy a new ship.

[Chulanowa]

ooooh, a halfling that falls over when they use a greataxe!

And.. .Vreski, d'ya have a pirate captain lady that isn't anime-style? hate to be a nag, but it's like... there in the OP, please no photos / anime / manga   :-)

[Chulanowa]

So do you us to post up the actual character sheets here or send them to you or what?

Here on the thread is just fine

[CurvyKitten]

ooooh, a halfling that falls over when they use a greataxe!

And.. .Vreski, d'ya have a pirate captain lady that isn't anime-style? hate to be a nag, but it's like... there in the OP, please no photos / anime / manga   :-)

LOL NO :P (ok wait is booze involved?), as far as I saw there was no size issues in 5e. If there was I'd taken monkey grip like in 3.5 :P Beside she has a decent strength for such a little thing.

[Chulanowa]

LOL NO :P (ok wait is booze involved?), as far as I saw there was no size issues in 5e. If there was I'd taken monkey grip like in 3.5 :P Beside she has a decent strength for such a little thing.

Well... there kind of is. Small characters get disadvantage when attacking with weapons that have the "heavy" trait - longbows, greataxes, mauls, that sort of thing. meaning you roll two dice to attack and take the lowest.

'Course, those handaxes work just fine! Or if you want to trade the greataxe for a weapon with the versatile trait, that's be fine with me/.

[CurvyKitten]

Well... there kind of is. Small characters get disadvantage when attacking with weapons that have the "heavy" trait - longbows, greataxes, mauls, that sort of thing. meaning you roll two dice to attack and take the lowest.

'Course, those handaxes work just fine! Or if you want to trade the greataxe for a weapon with the versatile trait, that's be fine with me/.

STILL WORTH IT! LOL You can't tell me that it isn't a sight to see. LOL

[Chulanowa]

STILL WORTH IT! LOL You can't tell me that it isn't a sight to see. LOL

We'll get her some shoes with ball bearings and just let her spin.

[CurvyKitten]

We'll get her some shoes with ball bearings and just let her spin.

I have no quarrels with this. hehe Spinning dervish of DOOM!

[greenknight]

may have missed this, what is the starting gold? As there is no average stated next to the table.

With 5E, you get a set of starting gear from your class and your background. Most backgrounds do give you a small amount of gold. What exactly you get is found under the relevant class / background sections  ;D

The starting gear is an average utilization of the roll. Sort of. A lot of "class kits" include a lot more than they would get by rolling.

[Zaer Darkwail]

And.. .Vreski, d'ya have a pirate captain lady that isn't anime-style? hate to be a nag, but it's like... there in the OP, please no photos / anime / manga   :-)

To help dear Vreski I present options :)

Pirate lass gallery

[Crash]

-amused as hell by Barnabus.-

Thank you dear. He was amusing to write up.

[CurvyKitten]

The starting gear is an average utilization of the roll. Sort of. A lot of "class kits" include a lot more than they would get by rolling.

barbarians don't really get that much, not even any armor. Hence I spent the 10 gold I got from my background on it. lol

[Zaer Darkwail]

Barbarian do not need armor. They get unarmored defense in 1st level where they add Con modifier (besides dex and bonus given by shield) to their AC. Ofc you can don and wear medium armor if you want to, but in 1st level going topless as barbarian actually makes more sense :P.

[CurvyKitten]

Barbarian do not need armor. They get unarmored defense in 1st level where they add Con modifier (besides dex and bonus given by shield) to their AC. Ofc you can don and wear medium armor if you want to, but in 1st level going topless as barbarian actually makes more sense :P.

I only have a plus 2 in con, armor gave me a bit more oomph. But if the gm says lose I'll lose it. Topless drunken halfling twirling dervish, this keeps getting better and better. LOLZ

[Chloe Milev]

Shit, an Acq Inc game?  I'll have to think of something good/silly to try.  Wizardfolk the Lizardfolk?  A cat wizard with human familiar?  Two dogs in a trench coat?  Sir Bearington?  Of course most would turn any potential romance much more silly than erotic.  I'll be pondering.

[Vreski]

ooooh, a halfling that falls over when they use a greataxe!

And.. .Vreski, d'ya have a pirate captain lady that isn't anime-style? hate to be a nag, but it's like... there in the OP, please no photos / anime / manga   :-)

Aww, I was hoping my pic was cartoony/artsy enough. I decided on my character because of that pic. I'll change it though. I promise I read the OP. When I asked if I could be a goblin I was just doing so because it wasn't listed and I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask.

To help dear Vreski I present options :)

Pirate lass gallery

Thanks Zaer! I'm going to go with this pic.

[Chulanowa]

I only have a plus 2 in con, armor gave me a bit more oomph. But if the gm says lose I'll lose it. Topless drunken halfling twirling dervish, this keeps getting better and better. LOLZ

Well either way you have 14 AC. Me, I'm a fain of topless halflings.

[Crash]

Well either way you have 14 AC. Me, I'm a fain of topless halflings.

Really who isn't?

[Doomblade403xxx]

Barbarian do not need armor. They get unarmored defense in 1st level where they add Con modifier (besides dex and bonus given by shield) to their AC. Ofc you can don and wear medium armor if you want to, but in 1st level going topless as barbarian actually makes more sense :P.

And considering when you rage weapons do half damage against you...who needs armor

[Kathyan]

And now there are lots of barbarians :o

Oh well, let's see how party ends :P I will be rolling for a trinket now
At 2017-05-15 13:12:29, Kathyan (uid: 58724) rolls: 1d100 Result: 85
And I get: A diary with seven missing pages, that will be easy to include in my story ^^

[greenknight]

I only have a plus 2 in con, armor gave me a bit more oomph. But if the gm says lose I'll lose it. Topless drunken halfling twirling dervish, this keeps getting better and better. LOLZ

Well either way you have 14 AC. Me, I'm a fain of topless halflings.

That said, instead of hide armor, you can spend the 10gp on a shield for AC 16. Of course, you'd have to downgrade to a battleaxe, so YMMV. But you could also keep the option of AC 14 swinging the bigaxe with disadvantage and AC16 chucking hatchets.

[Kathyan]

Ok how does she look? ^^

Lilly Lee

'Pillaging 101, Daaad, why do I have to have to that class? for the sake of our ancestors, yes I know the Lee familee is known for our martial artist and fierce combatants but I do not want thaaaat, why can't I do go to magi school like mom?' No matter how much Lilly tried to convince her father, Bruss would not let, "Do what you want in your free time but you will not let your ancestors down." And so she did, she grabbed her mom old tome from the magical university, then she grabbed her books from magic highschool and finally she took her notebooks from elementary magic school until at least she was able to understand something, Lilly probably would not achieve great feats of magic but she was very happy. Chief Bruss was not so much as Lilly hardly passed Advanced Pillaging, Intimidating and Raging and she even almost failed P.E., something had to be done about this rebellious girl and it must be done quick.

As the leader of the Lee, Chief Bruss looked for an adventuring company that would accept his daughter without asking too many question, or none at all and soon enough he found the AI, they didn't asked questions, he didn't asked questions, everyone happy and so he then signed all the papers for her and sent her there, if she could manage to get a certification from them that would have more value than her grades he thought and that would keep ancestors happy. Lilly didn't objected to what she was told as it would mean father would not mess with her anymore, she took her books, her staff/scepter and her familiar and went directly into Acquisition Incorporated headquarters, "Salutations my most regarded new administrators, Lilly Lee, reporting to her assignments", she greeted in a very casual way.

Sheet

Barbarian (Path of the Ancestral Guardian)
Sage Background

Str 16, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 12, Wis 10, Cha 8

Skills: Arcana, History, Investigation, Nature, Perception
Languages: Common, Draconic, Primordial, Undercommon,
Feat: Magic Initiate(Wizard)
Spells: Ancestors Hand (Chill Touch), Prestidigitation, Find Familiar
Feature: Researcher

Equipment:
Great Scepter (Maul), 2 hand axes, An explorer’s pack and four javelins.
A bottle of black ink, a quill, a small knife, a letter from an ancestor posing a question you have not yet been able to answer, a set of common clothes, and a belt pouch containing 10 gp
A diary from one of her ancestors with seven missing pages.

Trait: I use polysyllabic words that convey the impression of great erudition.
Ideal: Emotions must not cloud our logical thinking.
Bond: I work to preserve a library, university, scriptorium, or monastery.
Flaw: I overlook obvious solutions in favor of complicated ones.

[Chulanowa]

Looks really weird.  ;D

And that IS a lot of barbarian.

Anyone feel like trading up for fighter / Paladin / ranger / Valor Bard / War or Tempest Cleric / Mountain Dwarf wizard with a hammer and medium armor?  O8)

Wizard? Druid? Got plenty of space for actual spellcasters. Whaddya say? I've got inspiration! -Shakes bag of D20's-

[Kathyan]

Haha yeah she is, first barbarian I make that doesn't have athletics ^^, and still have to decide on what familiar would be the best for a barbarian :P

Also guess Lilili could be compared to a wizard with a hammer :P at least for now

[Rummy Tum Tum]

Looks really weird.  ;D

And that IS a lot of barbarian.

Anyone feel like trading up for fighter / Paladin / ranger / Valor Bard / War or Tempest Cleric / Mountain Dwarf wizard with a hammer and medium armor?  O8)

Wizard? Druid? Got plenty of space for actual spellcasters. Whaddya say? I've got inspiration! -Shakes bag of D20's-

Why don't you give me that bag? I'm all the spellcaster you need ;)

[CurvyKitten]

Looks really weird.  ;D

And that IS a lot of barbarian.

Anyone feel like trading up for fighter / Paladin / ranger / Valor Bard / War or Tempest Cleric / Mountain Dwarf wizard with a hammer and medium armor?  O8)

Wizard? Druid? Got plenty of space for actual spellcasters. Whaddya say? I've got inspiration! -Shakes bag of D20's-

It's all good, I can withdraw my idea. I'll find some place to play her. And I will see if I can come up with another idea for this great game. Open to suggestions :)

[Crash]

I have most of Barnabas's character sheet done.  I hope to have it posted tonight.

[Bibliophilia]

-dances around in the OOC and tosses confetti.-

[Crash]

Barnabas
Deep Gnome Artificer (Gunsmith) 1 (Folk Hero)

Personality:  Being a Deep Gnome with dark beady eyes and wrinkles that mirror a perpetual sneer you would think that Barnabas was a down right evil, sneaky git.  You would be totally wrong.  He really can’t help how he looks, he gets that from his parent (who really are sneaky, evils gits).  Barnabas is however perpetually annoyed at the gaggle of gnomish fanboys and girls that seem to pop up at the most inconvenient of times. He never wanted to be seen as the Deep Gnome equivalent of the great thespian Antonio Bendarix.  When not annoyed by his pseudo celebrity he tinkers things for his friends and plays guitar.  Barnabas tried to hide his identify with a dark wide brimmed hat and smoky black sunglasses, but that only made him cooler to his fans and started a brief fashion trend among Deep Gnomes.  This didn’t last long as wearing dark sunglasses underground resulting in a number of embarrassing fatalities.

History:  Barnabas never intended to be anything special.  He liked building stuff is all.  The louder and more obnoxious sounding the device the better. He was set for a life of relative obscurity as that weird Deep Gnome her liked to tinker (some whispered that his mother had a fling with a Rock Gnome).  That all changed when his town miners disturbed the lost tomb of Im’ago Nagetcha unleashing a Beholder into their midst.  Yes it was only a Spectator Beholder, but still it ran roughshod over the town, sowing madness and death. 

Barnabas came face to five eyed face with the monster in the town square with his newest, loudest invention and with one thunderous crack he felled the beast with his Thunder Cannon.  At least that is how the story goes.  Barnabas was really just trying to get out of town before he became beholder food and it was just bad luck that he faced off against the beast.  Most fail to mention that the Spectator was also sluggish and sleepy from glutting itself on the town guard and most of its most prominent family.

Barnabas was instantly elevated to the status of town hero, which meant everyone was all up in his business.  He chaffed under the hangers on that followed him everywhere and interrupted him every time he sat down to build something.  Any time a new threat arose the town began to turn to him for protection, without any hint of compensation for the danger they were putting him in.  This would not do.  So with much fanfare he announced that he was going to go out into the overworld and seek fortune and glory in the land of the big’ins.

Much to his chagrin his legend has followed him from gnomish community to gnomish community where they whisper of the steely eyed thunder slinger whos' deep drawl strikes fear in the hearts of fiends and lust in the hearts of young Gnomes.

Sexuality: What’s that?  Everyone wants to pigeon hole you.  Yes, I know what a pigeon is.  They are delicious.

Reason for Application:  To get away from the minor celebrity that seems to follow him among the common folk.  Maybe working with Acquisitions Inc. will give him the opportunity to try out new inventions and perfect his thunder cannon.

Character Sheet

Barnabas
Race: Deep Gnome
Size/Speed: Small/25ft
Class/Level: Artificer (Gunsmith) 1
Background: Folk Hero (RUSTIC HOSPITALITY: Since you come from the ranks of the common folk, you fit in among them with ease. You can find a place to hide, rest, or recuperate among other commoners, unless you have shown yourself to be a danger to them. They will shield you from the law or anyone else searching for you, though they will not risk their lives for you.

Proficiency Bonus: +2

Attributes/Bonus/Saving throw (*Proficient)
Str: 8/-1/-1
Dex: 14/+2/+2
Con: 14/+2/+4*
Int: 17/+3/+5*
Wis: 10/+0/+0
Chr: 12/+1/+1

Hit Points: 10

Hit Dice: 1d8

Proficiencies: Light and Medium Armor, Simple Weapons

Languages: Common, Gnomish, and Undercommon

Tools: Thieves Tools, Tinker’s Tools, Alchemist’s Tools, Vehicle (Land), Haberdasher’s Tools, Smith’s Tools

Skills (* Proficient)
Acrobatics (Dex): +2
Animal Handling (Wis): +2*
Arcana (Int): +5*
Athletics (Str): -1
Deception (Chr): +1
History (Int): +3
Insight (Wis): +0
Intimidation (Chr): +1
Investigation (Int): +5*
Medicine (Wis): +0
Nature (Int): +3
Perception (Wis): +0
Performance (Chr): +1
Persuasion (Chr): +1
Religion (Int): +3
Slight of Hand (Dex): +4*
Stealth (Dex): +2
Survival (Wis): +2*

Racial Abilities
Superior Darkvision: Your darkvision has a radius of 120 feet.
Gnome Cunning: You have advantage on all Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma saving throws against magic.
Stone Camouflage: You have advantage on Dexterity (stealth) checks to hide in rocky terrain

Class Abilities
Magic Item Analysis: Starting at 1st level, your understanding of magic items allows you to analyze and understand their secrets. You know the artificer spells detect magic and identify, and you can cast them as rituals. You don’t need to provide a material component when casting identify with this class feature.

Thunder Cannon: At 1st level, you forge a deadly firearm using a combination of arcane magic and your knowledge of engineering and metallurgy. This firearm is called a Thunder Cannon. It is a ferocious weapon that fires leaden bullets that can punch through armor with ease.

You are proficient with the Thunder Cannon. The firearm is a two-handed ranged weapon that deals 2d6 piercing damage. Its normal range is 150 feet, and its maximum range if 500 feet. Once fired, it must be reloaded as a bonus action.

If you lose your Thunder Cannon, you can create a new one over the course of three days of work (eight hours each day) by expending 100 gp worth of metal and other raw materials.

Arcane Magazine: At 1st level, you craft a leather bag used to carry your tools and ammunition for your Thunder Cannon. Your Arcane Magazine includes the powders, lead shot, and other materials needed to keep that weapon functioning.

You can use the Arcane Magazine to produce ammunition for your gun. At the end of each long rest, you can magically produce 40 rounds of ammunition with this magazine. After each short rest, you can produce 10 rounds.

If you lose your Arcane Magazine, you can create a new one as part of a long rest, using 25 gp of leather and other raw materials.

Combat
Armor Class: 14 (Studded Leather)
Initiative: +2

Weapon/to Hit/Dmg/Range
Hand Axe
Light Hammer
Light Crossbow
Thunder Cannon/+4/2d6+2 Piercing Damage/150ft – 500ft (Bonus Action to reload)

Equipment
Thieves’ Tools
Smith’s Tools
Shovel
Iron Pot
Common Clothes
Belt Pouch
Dungeoneer’s Pack

Trinket: A piece of crystal that glows faintly in the moonlight.

Money: 10gp

Spells Attack Bonus/Spell DC: +5/13
Spell Slots: 0

Spells

Rituals
Detect Magic (Ritual)
Identify (Ritual)

Cantrips
Mending

[Cold Heritage]

Would it be okay if I held off making a sheet until I know if I'm one of the six who get picked?

Oh, and also, I guess, shoot. I'm heading out of town on Thursday the 18th and won't get back until the 22nd. If that rules me out, fair enough, and no hard feelings.

[Doomblade403xxx]

Well either way you have 14 AC. Me, I'm a fain of topless halflings.
That said, instead of hide armor, you can spend the 10gp on a shield for AC 16. Of course, you'd have to downgrade to a battleaxe, so YMMV. But you could also keep the option of AC 14 swinging the bigaxe with disadvantage and AC16 chucking hatchets.

You cannot wear armor to use the unarmored defense. It's either your wearing armor or not wearing it. The only armor you can use with unarmored defense is a shield.

[Doomblade403xxx]

Ok how does she look? ^^

Lilly Lee

'Pillaging 101, Daaad, why do I have to have to that class? for the sake of our ancestors, yes I know the Lee familee is known for our martial artist and fierce combatants but I do not want thaaaat, why can't I do go to magi school like mom?' No matter how much Lilly tried to convince her father, Bruss would not let, "Do what you want in your free time but you will not let your ancestors down." And so she did, she grabbed her mom old tome from the magical university, then she grabbed her books from magic highschool and finally she took her notebooks from elementary magic school until at least she was able to understand something, Lilly probably would not achieve great feats of magic but she was very happy. Chief Bruss was not so much as Lilly hardly passed Advanced Pillaging, Intimidating and Raging and she even almost failed P.E., something had to be done about this rebellious girl and it must be done quick.

As the leader of the Lee, Chief Bruss looked for an adventuring company that would accept his daughter without asking too many question, or none at all and soon enough he found the AI, they didn't asked questions, he didn't asked questions, everyone happy and so he then signed all the papers for her and sent her there, if she could manage to get a certification from them that would have more value than her grades he thought and that would keep ancestors happy. Lilly didn't objected to what she was told as it would mean father would not mess with her anymore, she took her books, her staff/scepter and her familiar and went directly into Acquisition Incorporated headquarters, "Salutations my most regarded new administrators, Lilly Lee, reporting to her assignments", she greeted in a very casual way.

Sheet

Barbarian (Path of the Ancestral Guardian)
Sage Background

Str 16, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 12, Wis 10, Cha 8

Skills: Arcana, History, Investigation, Nature, Perception
Languages: Common, Draconic, Primordial, Undercommon,
Feat: Magic Initiate(Wizard)
Spells: Ancestors Hand (Chill Touch), Prestidigitation, Find Familiar
Feature: Researcher

Equipment:
Great Scepter (Maul), 2 hand axes, An explorer’s pack and four javelins.
A bottle of black ink, a quill, a small knife, a letter from an ancestor posing a question you have not yet been able to answer, a set of common clothes, and a belt pouch containing 10 gp
A diary from one of her ancestors with seven missing pages.

Trait: I use polysyllabic words that convey the impression of great erudition.
Ideal: Emotions must not cloud our logical thinking.
Bond: I work to preserve a library, university, scriptorium, or monastery.
Flaw: I overlook obvious solutions in favor of complicated ones.

How does she look?

Magically delicious....sorry couldnt resist the pun

[Chulanowa]

Would it be okay if I held off making a sheet until I know if I'm one of the six who get picked?

Oh, and also, I guess, shoot. I'm heading out of town on Thursday the 18th and won't get back until the 22nd. If that rules me out, fair enough, and no hard feelings.

It's no problem if you want to hold off on the technical parts of the sheet, sure.

[greenknight]

You cannot wear armor to use the unarmored defense. It's either your wearing armor or not wearing it. The only armor you can use with unarmored defense is a shield.

???
I recommended the option of carrying a shield and not using it with a greataxe (because, two-handed) and using it with handaxes. I never said anything about armor besides spending the coin allocated for it on a shield instead.

And regardless of grouping all of the rules in with armor, a shield is explicitly not armor in 5e, it's a shield. It's why a monk's unarmored defense and movement call out shields as well as armor, and the ambiguity (specifically addressed in Sage Advice and errata) of grouping them brings the note in the barbarian's version.

[Doomblade403xxx]

???
I recommended the option of carrying a shield and not using it with a greataxe (because, two-handed) and using it with handaxes. I never said anything about armor besides spending the coin allocated for it on a shield instead.

And regardless of grouping all of the rules in with armor, a shield is explicitly not armor in 5e, it's a shield. It's why a monk's unarmored defense and movement call out shields as well as armor, and the ambiguity (specifically addressed in Sage Advice and errata) of grouping them brings the note in the barbarian's version.

Yes and i was adding that hide armor will not stack with unarmored bonuses

[Bibliophilia]

[Chulanowa]

And we see that Gillie has been polymorphed into a warforged. How? Dunno. Why? also dunno. is this a sign of things to come? Why are you asking me?

[greenknight]

And we see that Gillie has been polymorphed into a warforged. How? Dunno. Why? also dunno. is this a sign of things to come? Why are you asking me?

Man, that's no fun. I was hoping for a ninja turtle. XD

[Bibliophilia]

If I only had a heart...
I'd be tender - I'd be gentle, and awful sentimental.

But, I don't, so I sneak up behind ya
Surprise ya and blind ya
Then rupture your kidneys
And pilfer your jinglies

[Rummy Tum Tum]

If I only had a heart...
I'd be tender - I'd be gentle, and awful sentimental.

But, I don't, so I sneak up behind ya
Surprise ya and blind ya
Then rupture your kidneys
And pilfer your jinglies

Ooh! Love this.
I feel like I read/heard it before....Hallmark card?

[Bibliophilia]

-giggles.-  Well, the first part's the Tin Man...the rest is all me. 

That Hallmark card idea is pretty good.  I should submit some ideas.

"Happy Valentine's Day!

If I met you in a dark alley, I'd only rob you a little bit."

[Rummy Tum Tum]

*applauds* Now that's some fuckin' poetry :D

And I'd be so touched by that hallmark card. Robbery, they say, is a crime of passion!

[Phaia]

hey there!! I am working on a character...another gnome...mine you it has been ages I played a gnome but she is got in my head when I read this and the damn little thing wont leave until I get her out here.

@Chulanowa-- one Harri's flaws is she pockets loose coins and other trinkets... Would you mind if I gave her say 4-5 trinkets off the chart she has pocketed here and there?

Phaia

[Chulanowa]

How's a two work for ya?  :-)

[Phaia]

How's a two work for ya?  :-)

Works great!!

I may not have my sheet fully done since it is a busy day here and you wanted to choose by today...

I will get her posted in a bit have to get groceries first!
as a tease her name is Harrette Fenala Mhudd [m'udd]...aka Harri Mhudd...MIGHTY GNOME WIZARD!!!
<damn it gnome I am working as fast as I can to get you out there...stop with the nagging already...and no I wont forget Bartolomew the mighty>

GRRR she just will not stop nagging me on this!!

Phaia

[Chulanowa]

I don't need like a fully-filled sheet right this second - they're easy to do in 5E so no huge thing. The character's background, appearance, a little personality, that sort of stuff though? I like having that  ;D

[AndyZ]

Rha - Variant Human Bard Entertainer

Although Rha's real name is a closely guarded secret to aid in her mystique, she goes by the stage name of Rha due to the verbal component of her Prestidigitation spell, which she uses for performances to create light shows and music.  She was hoping that just signing her name as Rha would give her some leeway in the contract.  She was wrong.

It's her hope to someday open for Jim Darkmagic, but for now, she's happy to settle for all the attention and amazement she's able to muster.  Capes and revealing outfits make for good tips, but when she actually leaves town, she has the common sense to put on leather armor.

Humans have ridiculously short lifespans, and she wants to be as famous as possible, making a name for herself before death catches up with her one way or another.

Stats

Strength 8 Dexterity 14* Constitution 14 Intelligence 12 Wisdom 10 Charisma 16*

Acrobatics, Athletics, Intimidation, Perception, Persuasion, Performance

Defensive Duelist

Proficient in Common, Elven, Hand noises, Musical Prestidigitation, Lyre, and Bagpipes

Rapier, Entertainer's Pack, Lyre, Leather Armor, Dagger (Hidden in right boot), Bagpipes that everyone begs her not to play, set of female underpants from an admirer, costume, belt pouch with 15gp.  Trinket to be rolled later.

Whenever I come to a new place, I collect local rumors and spread gossip. - I get bitter if I'm not the center of attention. - I like seeing the smiles on people's faces when I perform.  That's all that matters. - I want to be famous, whatever it takes. - I have trouble keeping my true feelings hidden.  My sharp tongue often lands me in trouble.

Minor Illusion, Prestidigitation

Charm Person, Healing Word, Heroism, Sleep

[Phaia]

<back off human I got this. Go count your toes or something else that makes sense in that blonde head of yours>

Harri Mhudd
Forest Gnome -- WIZARD 1 (sailor/navigator)

Personality: I consider myself a fun and open person that likes to laugh and help out any of my friends. I also take magic and spells very seriously. These days everyone seems to think any gnome they see are tinkers and have mechanical devices or boom sticks. That's a rock gnome shnick, those buggers are far more common then us Forest Gnomes. I won't mention that the majority of Rock gnomes can barely count to 22 using their fingers and toes.
I always keep an eye out for new things. I love having a tankard of ale at an inn in a new port and listening to the stories and picking up a few trinkets here and there. If I get too out of line one of my familiars, Bartholomew the 'Wise' reins me in. He is the white one!

History When she was 16, Harri was sent off to the great magic school called Hogwarts...there she flucked out of when she kept doing magic without a silly ass wand. Then she found a magic lamp with a blue genie and that gave her three wishes and ...okay, okay I cheated off Gillie. What cha gonna do about it?

Harri grew up in a forest overlooking the ocean. Her early days she spent gathering clams and seashells. She always thought her other 17 siblings were idiots. Yes 17 siblings, come on gnomes can live 350+ years what do you think couples do that long. Gaze at the pretty clouds like the elves do? Okay... her brothers tended toward tinkers and builders since that seemed the way things were headed with cliché gnomes.

Her sisters quickly married off and started families. Harriett though found the old books from her great grandfather the wizard Faenbutton Mhudd. She had read them all by the age of 20 and spent her time practicing the minor magic her race was gifted with and leaning more. The lure of the sea pulled her away from the forest. She was lucky that she ran into a gruff old dwarf Captain named Long Greybeard. Shipping out she worked her way from a common deck hand to the ship's navigator. Of course she had to put up with the scummy males of the crew but they soon learned that her illusions could lead to dangerous things.

As she grew and learned the magic of her grandfather found her and the old spell book she had carried around suddenly became more important. Things came crashing down when a pirate ship, 'The Drunken Whore' caught them. The pirates outnumbered them badly and even her new found magic couldn't save her beloved captain Greybeard and the crew. She was left for dead hanging onto some wreckage. Luckily she survived. It took her a while to recover enough to start again and she has swore Vengeance on the crew of the 'Drunken Whore'.

Sexuality: I sailed for a bunch of years on a merchant ship...what cha want to know about sex? I can tell ya enough that your hair would fall out!!

Reason for Application: I need a way to build my magic and show those loons over at the college of Magic that a Mhudd is back. You do know my Grandfather Faenbutton Mhudd helped found the Waterdeep college. There is still a marker in the halls you just have to go find it since they have moved it and covered it up. ... <leans closer to the recruiter as her eyes flick to the gnome with the big hat setting over in the other room> " I Is that Barnabas the hero of deep town?...he is sooo cool"




okay Okay Bartholomew...this is Bartholomew the fierce...he is the red brown one. If he is white he is the Wise one... if he is black he is the sneaky one...and pray you never see the green one...he is very, very angry when green!

Bartholomew is my familiar... he has been with me for years and is very smart for a familiar. In fact he is fey...so feed him sweets and meat and he won't go weaselly on you!!

Bartholomew, please not Bart he hates being called that. Likes to explore and wander about when I do not need him close. He often finds all sorts of things normally shiny and often belonging to someone else.



"Oh I forgot to mention I have a couple of trinkets... This is a my lucky coin.. it is gold and from some far off unknown land. This is an <waves a rolled up piece of parchment> indecipherable treasure map I saved from Captain Greybeard's maps. I know its a treasure map cause he said it was and it has a big X on it. When I finally figure it out I will be insanely rich!"

"One last thing...if you do not hire me Bartholomew will be very angry...he will go all green even and you do not want Bartholomew angry!"



<okay Blondie you can have it back I am done and I am sure those morons ummm people at AI were impressed>



I am so glad she finally got all that out...damn gnome was giving me a headache!!

Phaia

[Kathyan]

It's been a long long while since I saw that picture for a character AndyZ, I love it by the way. ^^

But that 'cute' gnome looks great too Phaia, love her too.

So many interesting and fun characters here, I'd love to have Lilili meet them all ;D

[Chulanowa]

So... this is going to take some time for me to ponder. I'll have a decision later tonight. You guys are frankly awesome and insane - some of you more one than the other. Anyway, here's everyone who has given me a full concept:

Gillie Pussyfoot, Forest Gnome Rogue - played by Bibliophilia
Cedevex, Human barbarian - Played by Doomblade403xxx
Austrahild Wanderfoot, Stout Halfling Paladin - played by Guancyto
Gustavo Ventus, Air genasi Sorcerer - played by Rummy Tum Tum
Ella Boomingsong scheppen Stumbleduck, Rock Gnome Artificer - played by Hexed
Chugheck Mudbrew, Mountain Dwarf barbarian - played by Zaer Darkwail
Barnabas, Deep Gnome Artificer - played by Crash
Sillassen Syltherranon Silkenthwaite the Third, Human Cleric - Played by Cold Heritage
Gloria Hollister, Human Warlock - played by Vreski
Lilly Lee, Human barbarian - played by Kathyan
Rha, Human Bard - Played by AndyZ
Harri Mudd, Forest Gnome Wizard - Played by Phaia
Belladonna Periwinkle, Princess of the Fairy Wood, Moon elf druid - Played by CurvyKitten

And I have to pick six of you. Why. WHY.

[Doomblade403xxx]

So... this is going to take some time for me to ponder. I'll have a decision later tonight. You guys are frankly awesome and insane - some of you more one than the other. Anyway, here's everyone who has given me a full concept:

Gillie Pussyfoot, Forest Gnome Rogue - played by Bibliophilia
Cedevex, Human barbarian - Played by Doomblade403xxx
Austrahild Wanderfoot, Stout Halfling Paladin - played by Guancyto
Gustavo Ventus, Air genasi Sorcerer - played by Rummy Tum Tum
Ella Boomingsong scheppen Stumbleduck, Rock Gnome Artificer - played by Hexed
Chugheck Mudbrew, Mountain Dwarf barbarian - played by Zaer Darkwail
Barnabas, Deep Gnome Artificer - played by Crash
Sillassen Syltherranon Silkenthwaite the Third, Human Cleric - Played by Cold Heritage
Gloria Hollister, Human Warlock - played by Vreski
Lilly Lee, Human barbarian - played by Kathyan
Rha, Human Bard - Played by AndyZ
Harri Mudd, Forest Gnome Wizard - Played by Phaia
Belladonna Periwinkle, Princess of the Fairy Wood, Moon elf druid - Played by CurvyKitten

And I have to pick six of you. Why. WHY.

Not trying to be mean but it's been my experience in any forum game that numbers don't hold. People have to drop or just disappear.

[Chulanowa]

Not a problem, all intern applications are kept on file. We'll send you a Sending.  ;D

[Cold Heritage]

No matter what happens, quite frankly, Triple S knows that Chulanowa will do what's best for business.

[Phaia]

I have no part in the following plans so do not blame me!

Phaia




"okay all ya gnomes, Gillie, Ella, Barnabus come over here. Grab that Halfling and the drunk dwarf. You had better get the cleric as well..."

In the back dusty room of the AI center Harri has drawn a series of arrows and pictures all over one wall. "see gang I figure it this way...we set an ambush for the AI recruiter known as Chulanowa. Once we have him hog tied and gagged we can explain to him that we are the best choices for the interns... after all the small folk have to stick together. We may have to use small words to explain things. That recruiter did not seem all that sharp. Gilli if he wont work with us you can stabby stabby a bit but make sure they are in non-serious places."

Harri waxes on about illusions and magic and timed movements of the stars for a good 20 minutes and then nods waiting for replies.

[Chulanowa]

Huh. -Imagines being hogtied by a bunch of gnome and halfling women- I could live with this.

[Rummy Tum Tum]

Lucky bastard...

[Bibliophilia]

Gillie only sleeps with dudes who defeat her in battle.

[Cold Heritage]

Why do necrophiliacs get all the hot chicks?  ???

[Chulanowa]

Pretty sure necrophiliacs only get lukewarm chicks, at best.

[CurvyKitten]

ssooo....you have to be this short to ride this ride? ~holds hands at gnomie height~ hehe That is a interesting new twist :P

[AndyZ]

It's creepy when a human says that your hair smells good.

It's creepier when a gnome says it.

[Kathyan]

It's creepy when a human says that your hair smells good.

It's creepier when a gnome says it.

Oh my, which hair could that gnome be speaking about. :-[

[Chulanowa]

Oh my, which hair could that gnome be speaking about. :-[

The hair on your head, of course.

Becuase they sneak into your room while you sleep.

[Bibliophilia]

Those rumors are specious and unfounded!  You better watch it or I'll sue for slander!

[Chulanowa]

Ahem. Between the creepy shorties hiding in your closet and necrophilia jokes, I think this thread has hit maximum Jerry Holkins. So. With that in mind (and the fact it's nearly midnight here) I might as well go ahead and make my selections.

Gillie Pussyfoot, Forest Gnome Rogue - played by Bibliophilia
Cedevex, Human barbarian - Played by Doomblade403xxx
Austrahild Wanderfoot, Stout Halfling Paladin - played by Guancyto
Gustavo Ventus, Air genasi Sorcerer - played by Rummy Tum Tum
Barnabas, Deep Gnome Artificer - played by Crash
Belladonna Periwinkle, Princess of the Fairy Wood, Moon elf druid - Played by CurvyKitten

The six of you have gotten callbacks from AcqInc headquarters, with details to follow.

The rest of you, your applications are on file. Don't call us, we'll call you! (Seriously, I'll give people a shout if spots open up or something.)

[greenknight]

Gillie only sleeps with dudes who defeat her in battle.

It's not all it's cracked up to be. and that way lies madness.

[Bibliophilia]

-snickers.-  Exactly where that joke was snatched from...except Gillie isn't tall.

[Hexed]

Good luck to all that gott in. Dont knife the rep till he pays ya!

[Zaer Darkwail]

Good luck peeps who got picked :)

[Crash]

This should be fun!

[Phaia]

Good luck everyone!!

Chulanowa, you are gonna have to tell the gnome in my head. For now she is asleep, being a wizard she needs 8 hours, when she wakes up I expect pouting and many nasty sailor type words!


Phaia

[Chulanowa]

And lo, there was an OOC thread: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=267825.0

[Kathyan]

Haha nice Sonya joke ;D

But for now I guess I just feel like Yamcha waiting for that call...  ::)