The Stupid Joke Thread

[Inkidu]

I don't know if E has one but it should.
Examples! Yay!

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out burning ducks.

[HairyHeretic]

Why do elephants have 4 feet?

They'd look silly with six inches.

[Inkidu]

What's read and green and goes about fifty miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

[HairyHeretic]

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Blue

[Inkidu]

What's black and dangerous, and lives in trees? A crow with a a machine gun.

[Lanzlo]

Why should you not go into the forest between the hours of 4 and 5 pm? That's when the elephants are jumping out of the trees.
Why do alligators have flat heads? The went into the forest between the hours of 4 and 5 pm.

[HairyHeretic]

There once was a Black and White Knight on a Black and White horse, and being the hero type person he was, wanted to marry the King's daughter.

So he went up to the palace and the guard naturally enquired "Who goes there?", to which he replied "I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry the king's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?" asked the guard, with a not inconsiderable amount of awe in his voice.

"Yes, I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse proceeded up to the king's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the king.

"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry your daughter," replied the Black and White Knight.

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage."

The king told the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse. "Your first task is to slay the fearsome Dragon of Mount Doom."

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry the king's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Knight then proceeded on his quest to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry the king's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, pass"

So the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse proceeded up to the king's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the king.

"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Knight.

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes,the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The king told the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse. "Your second task is to climb to the top of the highest peak on the continent".

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry the king's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse journeyed far across the lands, to the highest range, and there climbed the highest mountain, returning 2 years later.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry the king's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse proceeded up to the king's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the king.

"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Knight.

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse.

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The king told the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse. "Your third and final task is venture into the haunted land of night, and slay the Vampire King".

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry the king's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry the king's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse proceeded up to the king's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the king.

"I'm the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Knight.

"Not the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse?"

"Yes, the Black and White Knight on the Black and White horse, can I marry your daughter now?"

"Yeah, ok."

[Inkidu]

A woman holds up a cross to ward of a vampire, to which the vampire replies, "Oi vay, have you go the wrong vampire."

[Kurzyk]

Did you guys hear the one about the umbrella?

Forget it. It's over your head.

[Cherri Tart]

i don't get it, Hairy... *blinks*

[Inkidu]

i don't get it, Hairy... *blinks*

Complete and utter lack of a punchline I believe.

[Huntress]

erm....this is the stupid joke thread. not the POINTLESS joke thread. *wince*

[Inkidu]

erm....this is the stupid joke thread. not the POINTLESS joke thread. *wince*

Thread creator sez: It was fine to me :P

[Huntress]

lol ok. Works for me.

[Cherri Tart]

it's like sex with guys - lot of work and no pay off at the end *Grins* 

[Inkidu]

it's like sex with guys - lot of work and no pay off at the end *Grins* 

But you said I was special! D: *Snicker*

[MagicalPen]

it's like sex with guys - lot of work and no pay off at the end *Grins* 

Not my fault they don't hand you any money, Cherri :P

[Ambrose]

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00."
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000 ... "
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... "
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000 - a magnificent price ... and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... "

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye ... I do too ... "

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?

[Inkidu]

Ha!

[mannik]

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder and orders a shot of vodka.
The bartender serves the man his drink and askd, "So...you ever get that thing drunk?" as he stared at the monkey on his shoulder.

"Yeah, but he's a real asshole when he is." The man replied.
"I still want to see it." The bartender replied and offered the monkey a shot of vodka, which it happily drank.

After five minutes or so of shots, the monkey begins to freak out.
It jumps off the mans shoulder and lands face first on the bar, gets up and stagers across the bar, leaps to the pool table and eats the cue ball, then pisses in one of the pockets.

The bartender can't help but laugh at the monkey's antics. The monkey's owner throws some extra money on the bar to cover the damages, collects his pet and promptly leaves.

A week later the man returns with the monkey on his shoulder and orders a shot of vodka.
The bartender smiles as he serves the man and says, "Last time you were here I couldn't stop laughing...mind if I get him drunk again?"

"Sure, if you want, but I'm not cleaning up the mess." The man replies.
Again the monkey is offered shots which it gladly accepts.

Again, about five minutes later the monkey freaks out and leaps of the mans shoulder.
He lands on the bar next to a bowl of peanuts which he knocks over.

The monkey then picks up a peanut and shoves it up his ass before pulling it out and eating it. He procedes to do this with all the peanuts now scattered across the bar.

"What the hell is he doing?" The shocked bartender asks.
The man replies with a smile, "After crapping out that cue ball he gauges size before eating."

[Beauty]

Okay this one's really bad...

What did the mathbook say to the pencil?

I have a lot of problems :(

^_^

[Inkidu]

That one with the monkey was just wrong on so many levels

[MagicalPen]

Beauty - I heard different version of that.

Why is the Math Book always sad?

Because it is full of Problems!

[Inkidu]

What did one math book say to the other?
Pfft. You think you have problems?

[Oniya]

Why should you never go to Calculus class after a three-day bender?

Because it's dangerous to drink and derive.