Chakras and Jehovah's Witnesses

Started by Chantarelle, May 22, 2018, 05:44:37 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Chantarelle

Hi, again. I wanted to update my story and give some more information just in case it resonates with anyone.

I wasn't born a witness. I was born around witnesses. My father was one, my aunt was one. I live with my grandparents who were barely spiritual.

I didn't become a witness until I 2005 after a traumatic experience with mushrooms left me unable to eat and nearly catatonic for  months. I didn't think I was coming back from that, I truly didn't. It took away every sense of foundation and security I had and left me with a resounding, defeaning...nothing. My brain dissected everything back to nothing. A hug, brushing ones teeth, grandpa, dog, a chair. Nothing meant anything to me anymore everyone I ever loved was already dead to me. I ended up praying to the only God I had ever known...Jehovah.

Call it whatever you want, fate or a mere coincidence, but for the first time since moving to Oregon from California 5 years prior, witnesses started coming to my door. Please believe me when I tell you I was empty and I needed to be filled with something to anchor myself to. My mind was in perpetual stress. So I latched on to the promises of the witnesses showed me from the Bible and I became the most devout thing you've ever seen. I had friends all over the world, I had peace of mind and I had the "truth".

So what happened?

You see, it's very hard to find a mate in the witness community. Back in the 70's the elders used to organize singles dances, but the governing body outlawed that so it leaves sisters (who far outnumber the brothers) to fend for themselves.

I was 29 and had never been held by a man, never kissed, never fell in love and something in my body screamed enough was enough. I was forced to go outside of the congregation into the 'world' to find what I was looking for. I informed the elders at my judicial meeting that I "didn't want to be a witness anymore because I didn't want to bring shame down upon Jehovah." The brother just looked at me and stated that "from this day forward you will always bring shame on Jehovah." So that is how I left.

This is not where the story ends however.

There called sheperding calls. When a disfellowshipped member of the J.W.'s is visited by the elders for support. I never got one. Not one. So I reached out to them after 3 years. I wanted to study the bible with them, I was in tears, in the worst depression of my life. They simply said "you already know what it says and we aren't allowed to study with you."

I was desperate to connect with God again but I was convinced that I was damned. So I started to delve into buddhism, hinduism and new ageism, it was here that I initially found a way out of my depression.

I meditated. What I mean by that is I meditated for hours every day for a hear and I pushed myself. I gave of myself. I followed the way of Jainism, which essentially is 'to die before you die.' So I did I killed myself and everyone around me, I said goodbye and I totally succumbed to death. I even killed Jehovah and for these sacrifices I opened my crown chakra.

It's hard to explain the bliss and sense that everything no matter what would be alright. The sensation of not being behind yours eyes anymore but feeling your consciousness emenate above the crown of your head as your entire scalp tingles and threatens to float away. It's hard to describe the love you feel for everyone and everything and it is oh, so very easy to see how 'this' is how Jesus felt. To make a long description shorter, I fucked with my consciousness.

So, when I ultimately closed my crown chakra (because it takes so much energy to keep open) ever since I've felt drained of all energy and I have this irresponsible apathy that pervades my thoughts. I feel as if I traded my soul for that experience because, essentially, I had to become God to kill him and I had to kill him because I feared him, and if you are to open your crown chakra you cannot fear. Fear isn't even real.

So, as you can see I've gone crazy and can't find a therapist crazy enough to help me reverse this curse that I've put on myself - something I truly believe to my core. I feel drawn and captivated by every vice like never before...ok, so not every vice! My point is E, you are now my therapy! :)

P.S. If you want to write me off as some loony toon. I'm good with that just maybe you don't have to say it to me.
“If all we have is this imagined empty canvas of endless possibility...this potential heaven...then let it be our haven. A place of marriage between two souls desperate to feel something beyond the cruel tedium of real life. If we truly be the masters who dream these dreams then let our innermost desires fuel the adventures we create and the love that we make here, let it all unfold endlessly or for only a brief moment in time but for as long as it breathes let it devour and I will forgive your boldness if you will be so good as to forgive me mine...” ~ Chantarelle

Scribbles

Quote from: Chantarelle on May 22, 2018, 05:44:37 PMP.S. If you want to write me off as some loony toon. I'm good with that just maybe you don't have to say it to me.

Nothing loony about seeking a coping mechanism for life, whether it's through religion, family, friends, or some creative outlet...

Interesting read, by the way, thanks for sharing. Please take this with a pinch of salt, but it sounds like a lot of the solutions you're finding are to, essentially, cut yourself off from everyone and everything. I know this can be easier said than done but maybe try connecting with people more, or finding a way to channel your energies more positively?

Quote from: Chantarelle on May 22, 2018, 05:44:37 PMI informed the elders at my judicial meeting that I "didn't want to be a witness anymore because I didn't want to bring shame down upon Jehovah." The brother just looked at me and stated that "from this day forward you will always bring shame on Jehovah."

Just wanted to say, that's really messed up, absolutely zero empathy. Sorry you had to go through that but anyone who can dismiss you so easily never cared for you in the first place, which is incredibly hypocritical of them if you consider their supposed doctrine.
AA and OO
Current Games: Stretched Thin, Very Little Time

Chantarelle

You are so right. It’s been very hard for me to connect with people but it is something I need to get more comfortable with. And you are also right about them never caring from the beginning. Believe it or not, I never thought of it quite like that.
“If all we have is this imagined empty canvas of endless possibility...this potential heaven...then let it be our haven. A place of marriage between two souls desperate to feel something beyond the cruel tedium of real life. If we truly be the masters who dream these dreams then let our innermost desires fuel the adventures we create and the love that we make here, let it all unfold endlessly or for only a brief moment in time but for as long as it breathes let it devour and I will forgive your boldness if you will be so good as to forgive me mine...” ~ Chantarelle

blue bunny sparkle

Hello Chantarelle,

I am sorry that the teachers you looked to for help could not help you. Perhaps maybe it is because there are other paths for you take?

I am not an expect on anything, but I am wondering if you've ever looked into Kundalini Yoga or heard of a Kundalini Awakening?

In some aspects, it sounds like a lot of what you have described feeling. Especially if you have practiced a lot of meditation and experienced the opening of the Crown Chakra.

In many of the Kundalini traditions, they suggest (very heavily) that you open the Chakra's in order, from Base to Crown with a Kundalini teacher, as the effects can sometimes be difficult to rein in on one's own without training and can leave one feeling off balance and terribly out of sorts on a spiritual, mental, emotional and/or physical level.

I would also recommend looking into a reputable Energy Work practitioner if that is something you might be interested in as well.

My PM box is also open should you wish.






blue bunny sparkle

Quote from: blue bunny sparkle on May 22, 2018, 08:26:41 PM

I am not an expect on anything...


That should have read: I am not an expert on anything.

Scribbles

Quote from: Chantarelle on May 22, 2018, 06:35:59 PM
You are so right. It’s been very hard for me to connect with people but it is something I need to get more comfortable with. And you are also right about them never caring from the beginning. Believe it or not, I never thought of it quite like that.

Happy my two cents offered a different perspective! Whatever you decide, hope you manage to find some closure.
AA and OO
Current Games: Stretched Thin, Very Little Time

RedRose

I do wonder how the elders expect the faith to go on without marriages? I am familiar with various groups, and there is always "something"... matchmaking, meetings, dances, speed datings even lol. But not leaving the singles fend for themselves forever.
O/O and ideas - write if you'd be a good Aaron Warner (Juliette) [Shatter me], Tarkin (Leia), Wilkins (Faith) [Buffy the VS]
[what she reading: 50 TALES A YEAR]



Chantarelle

They promote singleness because the time is near.
“If all we have is this imagined empty canvas of endless possibility...this potential heaven...then let it be our haven. A place of marriage between two souls desperate to feel something beyond the cruel tedium of real life. If we truly be the masters who dream these dreams then let our innermost desires fuel the adventures we create and the love that we make here, let it all unfold endlessly or for only a brief moment in time but for as long as it breathes let it devour and I will forgive your boldness if you will be so good as to forgive me mine...” ~ Chantarelle

Vekseid

Well this thread has gotten some attention. >_>

Quote from: Chantarelle on May 22, 2018, 05:44:37 PM
So, when I ultimately closed my crown chakra (because it takes so much energy to keep open) ever since I've felt drained of all energy and I have this irresponsible apathy that pervades my thoughts. I feel as if I traded my soul for that experience because, essentially, I had to become God to kill him and I had to kill him because I feared him, and if you are to open your crown chakra you cannot fear. Fear isn't even real.

My understanding of Jainism is very basic. I respect it a great deal, though it is not my path.

I need to ask, though - are you sure?

To become/kill God, it would mean you understand and internalize that it has no power over you that you do not grant it. That it has no ability to aid you that you are not already the source of.

But if you had that closure, then you wouldn't need to continue seeking it. Here of all places.

Quote
So, as you can see I've gone crazy and can't find a therapist crazy enough to help me reverse this curse that I've put on myself - something I truly believe to my core. I feel drawn and captivated by every vice like never before...ok, so not every vice! My point is E, you are now my therapy! :)

You carved out an enormous, toxic part of your life. Purpose and friends are literal soul food.

We have rules about E not being a stand-in for therapy because it's not something we can do. But I think your issue is overly mystifying what has happened to you. You're not crazy, you are struggling to put your issues into plain speech.

I think if you went to a good therapist beginning with that - informing them as to how you are communicating - you would probably find it extremely productive.


Chantarelle

I actually have a therapist, two actually but it’s hard for them to understand.

But it was only closure for the time while the chakra was open after I closed it I stopped mediating so much and fell right back into my old way of thinking. I am afraid of god and to believe how I used to.

My therapist actually loves the idea of me coming on here to express myself. I’m not giving up on my therapy I’m just here to talk it through for myself.
“If all we have is this imagined empty canvas of endless possibility...this potential heaven...then let it be our haven. A place of marriage between two souls desperate to feel something beyond the cruel tedium of real life. If we truly be the masters who dream these dreams then let our innermost desires fuel the adventures we create and the love that we make here, let it all unfold endlessly or for only a brief moment in time but for as long as it breathes let it devour and I will forgive your boldness if you will be so good as to forgive me mine...” ~ Chantarelle

Vekseid

As long as we aren't your only support, express away. : )

I do think it would help to try to think of your issues and their solutions - both to yourself and explaining to others - in less mystical terms. Die before you die, killing, becoming God, cursing yourself. These all have plain descriptions that wouldn't raise the eyebrow of the lovechild of James Randi and Richard Dawkins.

It's not just about communicating better. It grounds your problems in the strictly rational, material Universe where they belong. And to the past where they should stay. The idea is not to have them follow you and as such they should not get such exalted treatment.




Twisted Crow

QuoteThe brother just looked at me and stated that "from this day forward you will always bring shame on Jehovah." So that is how I left.

That is jarring to me, considering my experiences with them have suggested a certain tolerance, empathy and kindness, even to those that have 'lost their way'. Or maybe that was just what I saw in "Minnesota Nice" Witnesses. I remember one evening at the Kingdom Hall. One of the elders pointing to the story of Job, emphazing a lesson on how Job's three judgmental friends were basically the ones in the wrong. How Job was described as an example of one that appeared to have lost his path when, in thr story, his dire situation was pretty much out of his control.

What I took from this lesson and how I applied it later were mostly two points. These could be applied with a spiritual lens or without:

1. Humans are rarely incapable of redemption. A man or woman that has turned his back can always turn a new leaf. Even without returning to the source, they can still do good in the world and their life that redeems them. Now, I wouldn't say that you needed redemption... I figured I would point that out for people to just keep in mind. And that was just one thing I took from that story.

2. The most difficult thing to read in other people are their intentions. It is virtually impossible to read into the hearts of other people. You can read and identify deceit, you can have instinctual 'gut feeling (and sometimes it is right!). But we cannot truly see the good or evil designs within another human being. Therefore, it is unfair to judge upon one based on their path when we do not understand it. This goes especially for the God even I sometimes try to better comprehend. If a God is truly real, then perhaps they are the only one that can truly see into my very being. Any other is just another lost human in this world trying to make sense of what they are, and has no business judging me or you.

Anyway, that is what I took from it, anyway. I have experienced a similar... harrowing, in spiritualism and faith. What you come to believe is something for you to discover and decide, it is not my place to point fingers in that regard. I encourage and support your freedom to walk where you feel that you must, so long as you know that no other person can take you away from you.

What I will try to stress from that one 'shame' bit is that people are rarely -- if ever -- beyond redemption. Or it least, that is what I believe. I hope some of this makes sense or provides some measure of comfort. Sometimes it helps to know others that have been in similar situations, before.  :-)

-Dall

Twisted Crow

Also, to be clear... I was never baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I have just studied scripture with them before for a few years in my youth.

Chantarelle

Thank you Dallas for your words. I never thought about the Job story in quite that way. That helps. 😊
“If all we have is this imagined empty canvas of endless possibility...this potential heaven...then let it be our haven. A place of marriage between two souls desperate to feel something beyond the cruel tedium of real life. If we truly be the masters who dream these dreams then let our innermost desires fuel the adventures we create and the love that we make here, let it all unfold endlessly or for only a brief moment in time but for as long as it breathes let it devour and I will forgive your boldness if you will be so good as to forgive me mine...” ~ Chantarelle