Perverted Wishes

[Karnax]

Granted. But you're under it.

I wish I did have a new user id.

[delle]

Cool. Your User id is now Elementary-Dickhead-With-Male-Pattern-Baldness. Enjoy!

I wish people would stop posting in this thread.

[Karnax]

Granted, but then you realize instead of stopping the posts, you have been struck blind by syphllis.

I wish I had more money.

[Seara]

Granted, but then you get into a car accident that is your fault and they sue you, for everything you own and win.

I wish that my fridge produced the food that I want at the moment.

[jstarz]

Granted, but it realizes that you need dog food and produces nothing but cans of it.

I wish I had a photocopier.

[Paradox]

Granted, but no matter what you attempt to copy, it only produces a picture of some guy's pale, swollen ass cheeks.

I wish I could remove that imagery from my mind.

[jstarz]

Granted you no longer have a mind.

I wish I could be a little more hedonistic.

[Karnax]

Granted, but you enjoy food and wine so much you become a giant fat drunk and no one will play with you anymore.

I wish Natalie Portman was my willing sex slave.

[jstarz]

Granted but for some reason you wind up with Hayden Christianson tagging along...

I wish I could resolve my furniture dispute.

[Shatelia]

Granted, all furniture goes up in flames.

I wish I could take a nap.

[jstarz]

Granted, but you do it in upstate New York after getting drunk with some ghosts and you don't wake up for twenty years.

I wish I didn't have the hiccups today.

[Inkidu]

Wish granted but you no longer have the hiccups but you get them for every other day for the rest of your life and every time you have sex.

I wish I had four hundred legitimate, non-counterfeit U.S. dollars.

[Karnax]

granted, but your ass hurts and you have AIDS from the fat greasy man you had to sell your body to in order to get the money.


I wish I had a better car.

[jstarz]

Granted, but it's illegal to take a dragster out on the road.

I wish for pencil that won't break with an eraser that doesn't wear down.

[Cosmo_ac]

Granted, but the joker stole it and it's now burried in the skull of some black thug.

I wish i had a huge penis.

[Inkidu]

Wish granted. You have a huge disembodied penis that follows you around and makes fun of you and tells people bad things about you.

I wish I had a helper monkey!

[jstarz]

Granted but he's as fat and lazy as you are and refuses to share his stolen donuts.

I wish I could run a business.

[Karnax]

Granted, but you run it right into the ground.

I wish I didn't have this cold.

[Inkidu]

Wish granted you have the Ebola virus instead.

I wish for a steak sandwich.

[Relic]

Wish granted but you get wooden splinters in your teeth from the steak.
I wish I had a supercomputer.

[Inkidu]

(Oh for God's sake people Steak food, stake vampire killing implement!)

[Kalen]

(I know.  Ugh)

Granted.  You get an oldschool Cray.  Now, you have to pay megabucks in electricity for less processing power than a five year old laptop. 

I wish I had a more comfortable chair!

[Inkidu]

(I know.  Ugh)

Granted.  You get an oldschool Cray.  Now, you have to pay megabucks in electricity for less processing power than a five year old laptop. 

I wish I had a more comfortable chair!

Granted you get the iChair the worlds most comfy chair. However when you try to leave it it says, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Kalen." and decides to kill you.

I wish I had a new copy of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. My old one is played to hell.

[jstarz]

Granted, but this one has a copy of a virus on it and it destroys your console.

I wish I didn't eat that chili...

[Inkidu]

Granted you have the other chili that gives you explosive diarrhea, and implosive diarrhea!
Ew...

I wish I had a steak sandwich! (Lets get it right this time people!)