Corrupt a wish

[Boatman]

Granted, you have a year's supply of salted maggots imported from India (with a recipe suggestion).

I wish I could fly around the world in 79 days  in a hot air balloon.

[Rhedyn]

Granted but you have a terrible accident as you try to land and lose all memory of your trip.

I wish I could sing well.

[Mercurio123]

Granted, but now you get incredibly nervous in front of other people so you still end up singing to just yourself

I wish my internet order would come in already

[Boatman]

Granted, your order is shown as delivered on the tracker, but you just receive an empty package.

I wish all the members of elliquiy could share the same time zone.

[Dys Astyr]

Granted, physical reality as we know it shifts and warps, distortions cause everyone on E to exist with a separate time sphere regardless of locality, but time runs so slowly its almost impossible to perceive that its moving at all, even with fancy alien technology, leaving everyone more or less in a state of suspended animation.

I wish I had a magic portal to the coast near Heceta Head Lighthouse.

[Boatman]

(beautiful looking spot)

Granted, you are given the secret of a one way magic portal to a cave under Heceta Head where you reappear as a mermaid.

I wish I had a magic portal to a sleek, seaworthy, varnished wooden yacht making way off Heceta Head on a fine day, her sails billowing in a gentle breeze.

[Dys Astyr]

(beautiful looking spot)

Granted, you are given the secret of a one way magic portal to a cave under Heceta Head where you reappear as a mermaid.

(Explain to me how that is corrupted, still sounds pretty good to me!  ;D Herpderpderp.)

Granted, you have a portal to the most beautiful and intricate 1:24 scale model of a yacht bobbing gently in the tide pools.

I wish I had a 1:24 scale functional pirate ship with which to attack the unsuspecting yacht. >_>

[Boatman]

Granted, but you are slave stripped naked except for a loin cloth, chained and rowing for your life during the attack.

I wish I had a grappling hook so I could board said pirate ship as it came in for the kill, and scrape my knife across the evil pirate captain’s throat until he surrendered.

[Dys Astyr]

Syk is wondering how she fits on the tiny boat while still at normal size... Life's mysteries...

Granted, but like the boat itself the captain is only a toy, therefore not afraid of your knife, so it takes a very long time and your old and decrepit by the time he does surrender, unable to enjoy the victory.

I wish while all this hubbub is ensuing someone buys the Heceta Head Lighthouse and gives it to me so I can live in it and stare at the pretty antique prism glass all day.  ;D

[Boatman]

(Yeah, I ended up on the yacht too, which suggests some shrinking mechanism. Perhaps bigger at one end than the other? Curious.)

Wish granted, the lighthouse is bought by a trust and you are given the permanent sole job of cleaning the antique prism glass of the light. Unfortunately, you are mesmerised by the beam and unable to enjoy the experience.

I wish I could be returned to normal size and age (or is that two wishes?).

[Dys Astyr]

Granted, your now returned to your normal size and age... and perfectly preserved in carbonite, possibly on your way to be sold as a bar decoration.

I wish I still had a giant trampoline (that's not broken).  ;D

[Boatman]

Your wish is my command (slight variant for interest). You now have a giant trampoline, which on first use flicks you straight into orbit (which is of course curved).

I wish I could meet a real sentient alien.

[Dys Astyr]

Does the "I Dream of Jeannie" thing Done! An alien ship crash lands not far from your house and being a nice fellow you let the driver into your house, unfortunately he is the alien equivalent of an underprivileged teen and trashes your place before getting back into his ship and drunk hovering into someone else's house.

I wish I had a body that allowed me to survive my new life in space.

[Boatman]

OK, it's a toughie. Let's see. We need to change the circulatory and skeletal systems to make up for the lack of gravity and to prevent osteoporosis. Then of course there is the radiation and lack of oxygen to deal with. So we've gone total mechanoid with a brain print download and binned all your human parts. Good luck.

I wish I could go to the real Avalon.

[Dys Astyr]

(Holy space debris Batman I think you just turned me into the rogue satellite from Cowboy Bebop.  :o Herpderpderp. )

Granted, you go, its everything you could ever imagine and more. You linger for as long as you desire but upon your return you lose all memory of it, leaving only the empty feeling of knowing your missing something. (And now I feel like I have more than made my jerk quota for the day >_>)

I wish I Michael Wincott would narrate my life!  ;D

[Boatman]

Granted, but they get a ghost author to re-write your life based on an updated version of Boudicca, designed for the US market.

I'd like to be able to transfer my imaginings to perfectly written text without the trouble of having to type it all out.

[Dys Astyr]

(I don't care as long as I can listen to him talk! gnaws on vocal cords I mean... uh... >_>')

Granted! But its encoded in an unbreakable cypher, and though many try no one is ever able to read it.

I wish I could draw consistently enough to write a comic.

[Boatman]

You do, and get a job papering the bottom of the hyenas' cage in a travelling circus.

I wish I discovered a new scenic walk near the house every day.

[Dys Astyr]

Granted, you develop a short term memory problem, thus discovering the same walk each day as if it was new and exciting!

I wish I lived somewhere that I had no neighbors for miles and didn't have to worry about people driving into my yard and interrupting my rituals and such.  >:(

[Boatman]

Granted, you capture and saw up everyone else in the neighbourhood, but they did get to see your rituals once.

I wish I could remember to write down the walks I go on so I don't repeat them all the time.

[Dys Astyr]

Granted, you remember to write down your walks, but forget to take the old notes with you when you leave.

I wish I could channel some sort of graceful higher spirit so I could write with suaveness.

[Rhedyn]

Granted but the spirit isn't interested in writing anything you actually want to write.

I wish there was an extra hour in the day to get things done.

[Dys Astyr]

Granted, but it only results in you having even more things to do!

I wish I was skilled in the dashing art of eyebrow waggling.

[Boatman]

Granted, but the skill comes with a free, yet permanent, moustache which waggles in perfect time gaining you lots of new hirsute friends.

I wish I could break the record for survival on Rockall.

[Dys Astyr]

(Huzzah! Free mustache.)

Granted, but you become obsessed to continually hold the highest record, casting aside everything else in your life as your strange obsession consumes you.

I wish I had a top hat to go with my new mustache and eyebrow waggling skills.  ;D