Rules for surviving a horror film

[HairyHeretic]

When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your house move away immediately.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.
NOTE: - It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

[Ajoxer]

Maine: Pound for pound, the most insanely dangerous place in America.

[Eyeomancer]

. . .Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one)

Ain't Wikipedia grand?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nilbog

[Lanzlo]

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

Add to the list of places to stay away from: Silent Hill.

[RubySlippers]

Let me add a few-

If your an ugly man and a HIOT woman is interested in you- and not asking for money for the service- RUN!!!!
(read a succubi, vampire, alien, soul sucking abomination or psychopath) If your a cute girl and the same thing happens- RUN!!! (or not could be a lesbian bimbo monster and you could have fun)

If you meet a man or woman is offering you any wish for your soul- run. (wishmaster was very scary)

If you run NEVER go to the one place that you can't get out of a shed, basement or attic.

If some smelly man or woman chases you and won't die hit the damned thing in the head.

If your not sure of a monster aim for the head or the chest.

If your in a corner and will die beg and offer the monster your service- being the left hand of the devil is better than being in its path. Same situation if your a hot woman and the monster is male spread your legs and hope he takes that instead of killing you.

If you see a funny box with shapes and such on it and you feel the need to solve it- um, don't. (hellraiser demons are scary)

[ZK]

Stay away from Innsmouth or anything involving the Necronomicon, or The Great Race.

[Llianna]

Here's a couple.  If you see a mossy old looking well, DO NOT OPEN IT!  If there is a legend about a house having a curse, don't go into it, you can't get away.

[Kalen]

The one that will doom us all?   

Don't have sex.  In a horror movie, sex = DEATH.

[RubySlippers]

Here is a few more-

1. Always ,I mean ALWAYS, listen to the kookie wierd or nutty local that seems to be spouting nonesense about a local legend, curse or issues a warning...such people always know what is really going on.

In these movies people always ignore the strange expert nutcase until its too late.

2. If your in school and feel the urge to opick on the nerdy, strange or freaky kid don't heaven knows if he (or she) turns out to be someone who gets access to powers that well may pose a problem. Or grow up and decide to kill everything in town just becasue you were an asshole.