Bad Advice

[Auron]

Spend a week wandering the Sahara. It will seem cool in comparison.

My eyes hurt.

[Phoenixrisen]

Inject Morphine directly into them. That should clear that up.


My kitten snores.

[Auron]

Cover its nose and mouth with tape.

My foot is killing me.

[Mr Bigglesworth]

Try a dry-ice foot bath.

I'm hungry.

[EternalChameleon]

Smoke a cigarette, you'll forget about it.

I need a second job.

[Phoenixrisen]

Run drugs. No one will ever know.

The oceans are dirty.

[Mr Bigglesworth]

Buy some coffee filters, and get to work filtering the things.

Space travel is expensive.

[EternalChameleon]

Marry someone rich.

This summer has been far too hot.

[gaggedLouise]

Answer to both of the last two ones: Jump down a black hole. a)They are cold and b)you will come out on the other side, far away (so they say, anyway)  ???

This street is too noisy, but I can't afford to move.

[Zylvyn]

Listen to music so loud you go deaf.

The phone batteries are dead.

[Auron]

Hold the battery in one and and stick a fork in a power outlet.

I'm addicted to scary games, even though I hate them,

[gaggedLouise]

Send a group sms to everyone in your address book not to call you anymore.

Find one that's been reviewed with a single crossed-out star, and force yourself to play it non-stop. That should cure it.

I want to be the greatest WoW champ but I don't have the time to learn the rules.

[Rel Mayer]

Just uninstall the game.

I lost my glasses.

[Mr Bigglesworth]

Just walk around with your eyes closed, things won't be fuzzy.

I have an itch on my forehead.

[Auron]

Kick yourself in the forehead until it goes away.

I have too many tabs open

[Phoenixrisen]

Hard shut down your computer without saving anything. It'll be fine.

My soda is being noisy.

[gaggedLouise]

Pick up the bottle and suck it off the neck as if it were a...

I want to get a new credit card, but my bank says I am somebody else with the same name.

[Phoenixrisen]

Hunt this other person down and assassinate them.

I can't find a measuring cup.

[Auron]

Use a bra.

The moon is too bright.

[Phoenixrisen]

Wear shades at night.

I don't have ice cream.

[gaggedLouise]

Measure the flour, sugar and milk in your mouth...

Put a lamp in front of it in the window.

I don't have ice cream.

Go to sleep in the freezer.


I followed  Phoenix's advice on the credit card and killed the lady. Now the police say I'm their prime suspect.

[Auron]

Pretend to be someone else with the same name!

I have something in my eye

[Phoenixrisen]

Use superglue on a stick to get it out.

I'm horrible at using an iron.

[gaggedLouise]

Pretend to be someone else with the same name!

"I am Spartacus!" (they all got crucified though...)

I have something in my eye

wear a pirate's patch and a cutlass!

Suddenly, there's no running water and it's a blistering hot day; I need to be at home to take some calls and I need to do some wash-up and also to drink to keep cool.

[Auron]

Drink your own piss.

I'm feeling rather violent for no reason.