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Fifty Shades trilogy by E.L. James

Started by Damnedangel, April 22, 2012, 09:55:58 AM

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Star Safyre

My heaven is to be with him always.
|/| O/O's / Plots / tumblr / A/A's |/|
And I am a writer, writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones

persephone325

Something that thoroughly pissed me off about this book, was the ridiculous double standards that bastard has.

* persephone325 drinks hot chocolate to calm down...
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."

Cami

I'm so thankful I was linked to this thread. Nice knowing that I'm not the only one who can't stand what's been dubbed as "mommy porn." I can't agree more. I read all three in the original fan fiction, and the newly revised published copies, just so I would have a license to bitch. These books are terribly written. She has absolutely no idea what she's talking about as far as BDSM is concerned, and it REALLY pisses me off that E.L James even mentions "fifty shades of fucked up" and "BDSM" in the same book. I know this has all been ranted and raved on before, including in this thread, but seriously?! Plus, I'm not very happy that a million fucking women and two now think they want to be tied up and spanked. No. Just...no.

persephone325

Something else that thoroughly annoys me about this "series" is that is has created one of THE WORST phrases I have ever head since "I'm just joshing."

LATERS, BABY

I want to kill everyone who says it...
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."

Oneiros

It reads like an old person trying desperately to sound 'cool' to twenty-something.

"Laters! You guys still say 'laters', right? I'm hip!"

Caeli

It reminds me of that episode of Modern Family where Phil Dunphy was trying to prove that he was hip with the teenage lingo, and the attempt is such that it makes you realize that he's very NOT 'cool.'
ʙᴜᴛᴛᴇʀғʟɪᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ɢᴏᴅ's ᴘʀᴏᴏғ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀᴛ ʟɪғᴇ
ᴠᴇʀʏ sᴇʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇʟʏ ᴀᴠᴀɪʟᴀʙʟᴇ ғᴏʀ ɴᴇᴡ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏs

ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ ❋ ғᴏʀ ɪᴅᴇᴀs; 'ø' ғᴏʀ ᴏɴs&ᴏғғs, ᴏʀ ᴘᴍ ᴍᴇ.
{ø 𝕨 
  𝕒 }
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Cami

I have a friend named Josh who says "I'm just joshing ya." I find it amusing. So I can't really compare, but I completely agree. My next thing has been mentioned but how Anatasia refers to her pussy as "down there" CONSTANTLY. A grown woman. The first time it read, I just kind of shook it off. But after the fifteenth time I began to wonder if the book was written by a high schooler who got their hands slapped anytime a slightly dirty word was said.

Oniya

Quote from: Cami on January 15, 2013, 08:36:25 PM
I have a friend named Josh who says "I'm just joshing ya." I find it amusing. So I can't really compare, but I completely agree. My next thing has been mentioned but how Anatasia refers to her pussy as "down there" CONSTANTLY. A grown woman. The first time it read, I just kind of shook it off. But after the fifteenth time I began to wonder if the book was written by a high schooler who got their hands slapped anytime a slightly dirty word proper anatomical term was said.

Fixed!  ;D
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

persephone325

Quote from: Fedora on January 15, 2013, 08:29:38 PM
It reads like an old person trying desperately to sound 'cool' to twenty-something.

"Laters! You guys still say 'laters', right? I'm hip!"

Haha! So true!

Quote from: Caeli on January 15, 2013, 08:31:22 PM
It reminds me of that episode of Modern Family where Phil Dunphy was trying to prove that he was hip with the teenage lingo, and the attempt is such that it makes you realize that he's very NOT 'cool.'

I've never seen that show, but it sounds very fitting. lol

Quote from: Cami on January 15, 2013, 08:36:25 PM
I have a friend named Josh who says "I'm just joshing ya." I find it amusing. So I can't really compare, but I completely agree. My next thing has been mentioned but how Anatasia refers to her pussy as "down there" CONSTANTLY. A grown woman. The first time it read, I just kind of shook it off. But after the fifteenth time I began to wonder if the book was written by a high schooler who got their hands slapped anytime a slightly dirty word was said.


YES!! But it that were true, she would contradict herself by constantly saying "fuck" and "shit".
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."

Cami

Well, James had to make up for the lack of genitalia synonyms somewhere in an EROTICA book, right? ~facepalm~

persephone325

Quote from: Cami on January 15, 2013, 08:41:42 PM
Well, James had to make up for the lack of genitalia synonyms somewhere in an EROTICA book, right? ~facepalm~

lol True. But even then, the "erotica" isn't even erotic! I've written better erotica when I was thirteen, and I didn't even know what erotica was! Granted, it was still crap, but at least I didn't refer to my vagina as "down there". Not even once!

Honestly, whoever writes a sex scene and uses the phrase "holy crap"  or "holy moses" in said sex scene, should be smacked in the head with a dildo made out of concrete.
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."

Oniya

*sings*

It was easy then to write this messed-up pair
Didn't research, didn't care
Changed the names to protect my cash
Wrote too much 'down there'

And today there is no Safe or Sane
For punishment or sex with pain
Erotic ropes or whips and chains
Fifty Shades of Grey...
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

persephone325

Quote from: Oniya on January 15, 2013, 08:48:37 PM
*sings*

It was easy then to write this messed-up pair
Didn't research, didn't care
Changed the names to protect my cash
Wrote too much 'down there'

And today there is no Safe or Sane
For punishment or sex with pain
Erotic ropes or whips and chains
Fifty Shades of Grey...

ROFLMAO I think the fact that she didn't do any research at all pisses me off the most...
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."

Cami

#488
Quote from: Oniya on January 15, 2013, 08:48:37 PM
*sings*

It was easy then to write this messed-up pair
Didn't research, didn't care
Changed the names to protect my cash
Wrote too much 'down there'

And today there is no Safe or Sane
For punishment or sex with pain
Erotic ropes or whips and chains
Fifty Shades of Grey...

~snorts~ My new favorite song.

Quote from: persephone325 on January 15, 2013, 08:45:39 PM
lol True. But even then, the "erotica" isn't even erotic! I've written better erotica when I was thirteen, and I didn't even know what erotica was! Granted, it was still crap, but at least I didn't refer to my vagina as "down there". Not even once!

Honestly, whoever writes a sex scene and uses the phrase "holy crap"  or "holy moses" in said sex scene, should be smacked in the head with a dildo made out of concrete.

I probably did too, thinking back on it. But only because at fifteen I was already so immersed and dead set on becoming a submissive, it tainted my view on literature as a whole. Therefore, anything I wrote had some sexual nature to it, with a dominant male as a protag. ~shivers~


HOLY MOSES! Mmm, sexy. Really makes me want to hop into bed. "Spout more religious figures at me, baby."


She also, fucked over the fanfiction writer Tarasueme. Wrote a trilogy, actually cited her sources, and while it wasn't perfect, it didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Nothing about the work is original, or unique. Tis' not a "special cookie."

Oniya

Quote from: Cami on January 15, 2013, 08:53:04 PM
~snorts~ My new favorite song.

The whole thing is written out up-thread a ways.  I have a bad filking habit.
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

persephone325

Quote from: Cami on January 15, 2013, 08:53:04 PM

I probably did too, thinking back on it. But only because at fifteen I was already so immersed and dead set on becoming a submissive, it tainted my view on literature as a whole. Therefore, anything I wrote had some sexual nature to it, with a dominant male as a protag. ~shivers~


HOLY MOSES! Mmm, sexy. Really makes me want to hop into bed. "Spout more religious figures at me, baby."

lol I was (and still am) the same way. Always a male dom and a female sub. And pretty much all of my stories involved (or still do involve) NC.

"Oh god! Cain! Abel! Yes! YES!!" rofl
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."

TheGlyphstone

Quote from: persephone325 on January 15, 2013, 09:01:17 PM
lol I was (and still am) the same way. Always a male dom and a female sub. And pretty much all of my stories involved (or still do involve) NC.

"Oh god! Cain! Abel! Yes! YES!!" rofl

Rule 34 on Jesus.
"Oh me, oh me, oh me yes oh yes oh my dad!"

Cami

Same. But now that I have an actual sexual outlet, I can write "normal" stuff again. The real thing is so much better, truthfully. Ugh, I had this woman come in for a boudoir shoot, (I'm a photog.) and I had to turn her away because she wanted me to create her sets based on the book. This monstrosity is literally top on my "most hated literature" list. There's a lot of books on there, too.

Oniya

Quote from: Cami on January 15, 2013, 09:07:53 PM
Same. But now that I have an actual sexual outlet, I can write "normal" stuff again. The real thing is so much better, truthfully. Ugh, I had this woman come in for a boudoir shoot, (I'm a photog.) and I had to turn her away because she wanted me to create her sets based on the book. This monstrosity is literally top on my "most hated literature" list. There's a lot of books on there, too.

'Lady, if you want fifty shades of grey, I'll break out the black and white film - but it'll cost you extra for the monochrome processing.'
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

Rolo

Lmao!!  I think Miss James is at 14:59 everywhere except here!!

Seduction is merely hypnosis with desire!

-KAI-

Dirty old man in training!
Sneaky Little Bastard!

Caeli

Quote from: Oniya on January 15, 2013, 09:10:50 PM
'Lady, if you want fifty shades of grey, I'll break out the black and white film - but it'll cost you extra for the monochrome processing.'
How about ninety-nine shades of grey? ::)
ʙᴜᴛᴛᴇʀғʟɪᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ɢᴏᴅ's ᴘʀᴏᴏғ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀᴛ ʟɪғᴇ
ᴠᴇʀʏ sᴇʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇʟʏ ᴀᴠᴀɪʟᴀʙʟᴇ ғᴏʀ ɴᴇᴡ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏs

ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ ❋ ғᴏʀ ɪᴅᴇᴀs; 'ø' ғᴏʀ ᴏɴs&ᴏғғs, ᴏʀ ᴘᴍ ᴍᴇ.
{ø 𝕨 
  𝕒 }
»  ᴇʟʟɪᴡʀɪᴍᴏ
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Lilias

As usual in such cases, the parodies are much better than the original.

(William Codpiece Thwackery? Epic win. ;D)
To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.
To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,
and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,
and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.
~Wendell Berry

Double Os <> Double As (updated Feb 20) <> The Hoard <> 50 Tales 2024 <> The Lab <> ELLUIKI

persephone325

This has become my favorite thread. ;D
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."

Merry Gentry

Quote from: persephone325 on January 15, 2013, 08:45:39 PM
Honestly, whoever writes a sex scene and uses the phrase "holy crap"  or "holy moses" in said sex scene, should be smacked in the head with a dildo made out of concrete.

omg.. favorite quote of this thread!  :D
“And I’d give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you feel me somehow. You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t wanna go home right now.”

persephone325

Quote from: Merry Gentry on January 21, 2013, 09:03:27 AM
omg.. favorite quote of this thread!  :D

lol Well I'm glad you like it! I honestly didn't even know what else to say, and that was the first thing that popped into my head. XD rofl
This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.
It always ends in a fight.
You pulled me from the river. Why?
I don't know.
"Don't dwell on those who hold you down. Instead, cherish those who helped you up."