~ Word of the Day: Feedback & Comments! ~

Started by Blythe, March 21, 2017, 01:45:31 PM

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Blythe

More feedback for some really great pieces written! :)

Nicholas wrote a continuation of his first piece, dealing with Sebastien and his psychiatrist. I gotta say that I was very excited to see the character of Sebastien pop up again. The WotD, 'nightmare,' was integrated very well and made perfect sense with this selection. I get a villainous vibe from the psychiatrist, that he is steering Sebastien down a dark path, and I liked that Sebastien's demeanor about whatever occurred with his sister has clearly changed by the end of this piece. This is a good example of 'show, don't tell' in writing that makes a reader want to see more. Great work, Nic!

Onward now to Bloomsky's writing! The word was 'restrospective!' I think the word was used well; I was surprised to see it used early in the piece, and I think it set a good investigative tone. I like Kayla's personality; she seems like a strong no-nonsense type in a very high-stress situation. The end of this particular selection had me wondering about the exact events surrounding the explosion (well, sort of an explosion? That was one of the possibilities for the way the massacre was done) she was investigating--curiosity in a good way, of course! Thanks for sharing some of your writing with us, Bloomsky!

We have two selections from Jazra! The first piece uses the word retrospective, and it used a genre I wasn't expecting! Urban fantasy with some delicious Viking mentions in there--I really enjoyed that. The genre of fantasy is one that is a particular favorite of mine to read. I also think that you described the scene really evocatively--the description of Aasa's eyes was really well written: "a green the color of a naughty child transformed into a tadpole and now sunning on a lily pad." That's an image that sticks with a reader!

For Jazra's second piece, the word was "Occam's razor." I think that is a particularly tricky one to use, being as specific as it is, but this piece handled it well. I like that this is a continuation of the first piece--Ebby and Aasa have some great back-and-forth with their dialogue. Well done!


Jazra

I'm thoroughly enjoying the postings both literary and the actual word of the day. Transpicuous was a new word for me and while lief wasn't strictly speaking new, I did better appreciate it's definition. I also appreciated the compliments bestowed by Blythe on my writing. I am shocked by the real quality of writers that have gathered here on Elliquiy. I knew it when I was here before, but after taking an eighteen month or so break and coming back, you really appreciate what a really special set of people gather here for literary fun.
Ons & Offs
Absences

Boy, “If I and a slice of pizza fall in the water, which do you save?

Girl, wipes grease off her chin, “Why'd you let my pizza fall in the water?”

Oreo

I love the twists you throw into what appears to be an any old kind of day interaction, Jazra. The conversation was as vivid as watching a scene play out. Your character were very alive.

I didn't know the word either. ; )

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

Flower

Allow me to echo the praise given by everyone else. I'm really enjoying reading the duo, Jazra. I'm excited to read the next installment. ^_^

Flower

Yet another awesome post, Jazra! :)

While Raven took off on her black bicycle decorated with a silver skull on the handle bars, Aasa got in a fight with the museum staff over her Sweeper Swiffer. Someone had mistakenly returned the faux broom from lost and found to the janitor’s closet.

This cracked me up tremendously.

Oreo

How very evil of you Marek. I love reading all these little tales that totally draw me into the story.

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

Jazra

So much fun reading and enjoying the word of the day posts. Again, a word that is completely new to me. And I have a little pride in my vocabulary, but I’ve never heard of vaticination. I loved Theta Sigma’s post. I very much sympathized with her protagonist and could easily see myself somewhat pretentiously correcting this obvious error. It also made me curious about the Doctor. He’s reflected on the girl being human, which raises a lovely question in my mind. Then Beautiful Mystery followed up with a word of the day tour de force. Perpended, another knew word to me, but very much a good one to know. I want to know what happens now when and if this woman does go to the zoo. Did she have a genuine vaticination or just a nightmare? And then I got to enjoy Marek's illustration of Marc and Meghan. I love the alliteration of their two names, but I really like how when she reads the old shop’s sign, it reads differently than Marc. Marek did an excellent job of making me feel distaste—pretty strong at that—for Marc, without clubbing me over the head. Each line as I grew to know him better and I almost think I know Marc for better than Meghan at this point, you nudged my (hatred’s too strong … yet) growing disgust for Meghan’s beau another notch upward on the disgust meter.
Ons & Offs
Absences

Boy, “If I and a slice of pizza fall in the water, which do you save?

Girl, wipes grease off her chin, “Why'd you let my pizza fall in the water?”

Caedy

I am seriously enjoying reading these!  I need to get off my toosh and write one at some point.  Seriously, my writing is all sorts of rusty!  Must.  Work.  On.  That. 

I am loving Jazra's pieces...Ebby and Aasa are definitely two of my favorites to read thus far. 

Nic's psycho....always a pleasure to read and I'm looking forward to seeing more of him here as well. 

Theta Sigma's made me smile...because who doesn't love the Doctor.

That tour de force from BeMy was absolutely wonderful. 

Definitely look forward to seeing what everyone comes up with next :D
No New Games At This Time
A/A updated Important: 6/2/17
Caedy's Pretty Things (SFW&NSFW)
Blog: My Bullet Journal Journey
Word of the Day
~...still like air, I'll Rise...~ Maya Angelou

Beautiful Mystery

Quote from: Jazra on April 02, 2017, 02:14:17 PM
Then Beautiful Mystery followed up with a word of the day tour de force. Perpended, another knew word to me, but very much a good one to know. I want to know what happens now when and if this woman does go to the zoo. Did she have a genuine vaticination or just a nightmare?

Stay tuned for the next episode! No, but seriously I thought of a nightmare and at first I wanted it to be funny and then I was like, wait, it needs to be a nightmare... >.< I am pretty sure that would scare the crap out of anyone.

Thank you though Jazra and Caedy!

Theta Sigma, I loved the "You spelled vaccination wrong" because honestly, it does look that way. That made me snicker. :P
Check A/A
The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns.
He comes dressed as everything you have wished for.
O2//A2//Request//Boudoir

Nico

Quote from: Caedy on April 03, 2017, 05:45:56 AM

Nic's psycho....always a pleasure to read and I'm looking forward to seeing more of him here as well. 


Thank you! He's certainly one of the most complex, difficult and challenging characters I have ever written.  XD

King Serperior

I just wanted to say that I have been loving the amazing writings I have seen so far.  I'm not through reading with half of them yet, but what I have seen has been impressive.  You are all wonderful artists with your words that I look forward to every new snippet and scene in the WotD.   ;D

O/O's
A/A'sMonster Girl Palace
SFW Image Ideas for Scifi, Fantasy, Horror, and Steampunk Games! | My various characters, if you are curious! | I am a Rainbow Writer!
Post Rate: 1 post per game every 1-4 weeks on average  ||| I encourage any and all random PMs.

Jazra

Quote from: King Serperior on April 04, 2017, 12:09:53 PM
I just wanted to say that I have been loving the amazing writings I have seen so far.  I'm not through reading with half of them yet, but what I have seen has been impressive.  You are all wonderful artists with your words that I look forward to every new snippet and scene in the WotD.   ;D

I've had the same reaction. This is a wonderful spot to stretch your writing skills. I'm also learning many new words. Love Crozak the Unbelievable, I've never encountered a Tiefling in fiction before, but I've heard of them. I stopped updating my D&D rulebooks after the 3rd Edition, which probably dates me. He reminds me a bit of the Ferengi from Star Trek, but with better social skills and a more colorful presentation. He has nice vocabulary too ;)
Ons & Offs
Absences

Boy, “If I and a slice of pizza fall in the water, which do you save?

Girl, wipes grease off her chin, “Why'd you let my pizza fall in the water?”

King Serperior

Glad you liked him, Jazra.  He was quite fun to write and more challenging than I originally thought when I first envisioned the scene.  I think Crozak might make future appearances here, or at least cameos.   ;)

I think I've managed to use most of the Words of the Day.  I'll have to sit down and figure out the rest of them.  *nods*

O/O's
A/A'sMonster Girl Palace
SFW Image Ideas for Scifi, Fantasy, Horror, and Steampunk Games! | My various characters, if you are curious! | I am a Rainbow Writer!
Post Rate: 1 post per game every 1-4 weeks on average  ||| I encourage any and all random PMs.

Flower

Just so folks don't think the definition for today is accidental...

Did You Know?

It's likely that when you hear the verb defile, what comes to mind is not troop movements but, rather, something being contaminated or desecrated. That more commonly encountered homograph of defile, meaning "to make unclean or impure," dates back to the 15th century and is derived from the Anglo-French verb defoiller, meaning "to trample." Today's word, on the other hand, arrived in English in the early 18th century. It is also from French but is derived from the verb défiler, formed by combining dé- with filer ("to move in a column"). Défiler is also the source of the English noun defile, which means "narrow passage or gorge.

That's on Merriam Webster. ^_^

King Serperior

Quote from: Flower on April 05, 2017, 02:05:59 PM
Just so folks don't think the definition for today is accidental...

Did You Know?
I actually didn't know!  I have to say I did a double-take on that word!  I'll have to see what I can do with it when I get the chance to write here again.   ;D


Quote from: Ceralilly on April 05, 2017, 02:08:50 PM
(Out of practice, but this was a great exercise, and fun!)
For someone who says they're out of practice, you wrote quite the scene.  It was enjoyable and I can't wait to see what you might come up with with future words.   :-)

O/O's
A/A'sMonster Girl Palace
SFW Image Ideas for Scifi, Fantasy, Horror, and Steampunk Games! | My various characters, if you are curious! | I am a Rainbow Writer!
Post Rate: 1 post per game every 1-4 weeks on average  ||| I encourage any and all random PMs.

Flower

Lol I did a double take as well. I thought I was going crazy.

Ceralilly

Quote from: King Serperior on April 05, 2017, 02:16:46 PM
For someone who says they're out of practice, you wrote quite the scene.  It was enjoyable and I can't wait to see what you might come up with with future words.   :-)

KS...thank you SO much. YOU have made my day. Also my fragile little muse is quite excited haha!

Xo
I am the Mistress of Hearts, the Consort of Broken Ones, the Lover of Lost Souls, and the Queen of Goodbyes

Blythe

Time for lovely feedback for those who were kind enough to take the Word of the Day challenge! The first thing that I want to emphasize is that I'm pretty blown away by the overall writing quality everyone is displaying right now! Wow! <3

(Note: I wrote these reviews in order and read things chronologically, writing a review after reading one entry, then moving on to the next)

Now...onward to feedback!  ;D




Jazra wrote this piece! I was excited to see Ebby return. I liked the WotD usage here--I felt like transcipcious really substitutes in well for words like 'transparent,' and the usage here was really clever. I think readers would easily be able to pick up the meaning of the Word from the scene's context even if they were unable to look up the definition, and that's a sign of a word used well! Also, the grandfather's description really sticks out--so tall!


Now...another selection from Jazra! Ooh. Will this be a sort of ongoing miniseries with recurring characters? If so, I'm excited! Good use of the word, but I must admit that it was overshadowed by the delightful humor of Aasa and her Sweeper Swiffer and the travails of enchanting an Uber driver. <3


I come now to Theta Sigma's writing! I was struck by the really fun formatting here--it drew my gaze and got my attention immediately. I think that's really one of the fun things about writing online--being able to play with formatting like that. :-) I liked how the Word vaticination was worked in here--with someone correcting another person reading it wrong! There must be a fun metafiction element to doing a challenge about daily definitions and providing the Word of the Day's definition in-character--made me grin. Great dialogue, too--flowed very fast!


Beautiful Mystery's selection has tackled multiple words! I was taken aback at first, but it really did work! I really like how nightmare was worked into the dialogue--not actively defined, yet with the scene's context, easy for anyone to figure out. Great use of perpended, as well! This was a good entry, though hoo boy, nightmares about jaguars. Let's hope the woman's nightmare isn't a vaticination for her pending zoo trip!


More things to read, woot! Taking a look at Marek's writing! I'm pretty blown away by this selection in particular--I think this was a really stellar example of using vaticination in so many ways--as inspiration for the scene, worked into a title, clearly as a plot element! Great stuff all around! Meghan and Marc were both interesting, but I must admit that it is Louise who drew my attention with her fortune telling and tea! This selection gave me the feeling of being the first page of a novel, and that made it really exciting to delve into.  ;D


Woooooo <3 More Jazra! The humor in this is ridiculously good. Write me a book dammit!   The joke about how to spell perfect had me laughing so hard. I liked that this entry incorporated multiple Words as well--I must admit that I liked the use of brachiating best because of that Tarzan imagery that went along with it.


Coming now to King Serperior's writing! Such a carnival vibe in the beginning! And I have to admit that this particular selection appealed to me because of the strong D&D fantasy elements--always a favorite of mine. Multiple words used in this entry as well--exciting! I felt like gimcrack got used really well here. I can't explain why (just can't find the words!), but for some reason I feel like the word 'gimcrack' just went so well with a main character like Crozak the Unbelievable! I loved the legend of the character, the idea that he's just so infamous that people just groan when he's in the marketplace, heh!


Ceralilly has written this! Ooh, another new face to the Word thread! And yay, more fantasy genre! I especially loved the way that the stone of Azurai was described--so beautiful! But what fascinated me most--a historical fantasy? I noticed it was a sleepy French town, and that got me all excited, because I do not get to read much historical fantasy, and this became all the more interesting because of it! I think the Word was used pretty well here, especially given the nature of what the stone of Azurai seems to be. Great job!


More from Jazra! I really look forward to seeing these selections. <3  Great use of gimcrack, and I think Ebby and Aasa's dialogue is just to die for. Ebby's just so dry and sarcastic; I adore the character!


Woot! Another one from Marek! Good use of cloying here! I thought the usage was quite subtle; it's a very delicate way to work it in, but I think it goes well. I cannot help but wonder what would have happened to poor Rob had he chosen LA instead of NYC! At first, it was humorous how he fell...and then the tone of the tale shifted to something different. This was exceptional work, I feel. If I read this right, Rob actually died when he fell, right? So his bus is sort of taking him to the afterlife? I thought that was a pretty fascinating sort of tale.


Lastly in my list of feedback & reviews is this piece by Merry Gentry! Yay, multiple Words of the Day again! Aww, I felt so bad for the character being stuck on that throne--I can only imagine how bad one's back would hurt. Thrones might look regal, but I can't imagine any chair being comfortable after sitting in it all day! I got so curious why her father would want her to become a good ruler--this piece had all the hallmarks of hooking a reader by leaving details unknown and making me wanting to know them!

Ceralilly

I am so surprised! I wasnt expecting a review and I am quite giddy. I have recently been drawn to the historical aspect of fantasy settings. Thank you Blythe. I'll be back! *happy dance*

I am the Mistress of Hearts, the Consort of Broken Ones, the Lover of Lost Souls, and the Queen of Goodbyes

Flower

And because I thought this word might need further explanation...here's an explanation from the dictionary.

Did you know?

In nautical use, alow means "in or to a lower part of the vessel," indicating the deck or the area of the rigging closest to the deck, or below-deck as opposed to above-deck. The opposite of alow in this sense is aloft, used to indicate a higher part of the vessel especially around the mastheads or the higher rigging. Yet, while we are still likely to encounter aloft, in both nautical and non-nautical use, alow has become something of a rarity. When encountered, it is usually found in the combination "alow and aloft." This phrase literally refers to the upper and lower parts of a ship or its rigging, but it can also be used, as in our second example sentence, to mean "completely" or "thoroughly."

Jazra

Quote from: Flower on April 08, 2017, 11:25:32 AM
And because I thought this word might need further explanation...here's an explanation from the dictionary.

Great additional information Flower. I rewrote my own piece based on this information. Whether I hit the mark this time is another issue, but at least, I have a better understanding of the origin and meaning of alow.
Ons & Offs
Absences

Boy, “If I and a slice of pizza fall in the water, which do you save?

Girl, wipes grease off her chin, “Why'd you let my pizza fall in the water?”

Blythe

I return with more comments!

I started out reading something of Marek's today. This one caught me a bit off-guard. I wasn't expecting the word to be used this way, right at the end and in dialogue. It was very interesting, too, how the definition of the word really guided the tone of this selection. I found myself curious as to why Berta would hate Stacy. Overall, I liked this. I craved more details about these people, though--I wonder what spending the day with that job assignment having to flack would end up being like!

Ah, another selection from Nicholas, woot!.Ooh, crime vibe. Angelo's certainly interesting, and the word was used well here, but I think the superstar of this particular piece was the description and scenery. There was a seedy sort of element that really comes through and gives this the gritty tone one would expect from crime fiction. Loved it!

More from Jazra now! Continuing the adventures of Aasa and Ebby! I found myself feeling sympathetic for that poor Uber driver--clearly not prepared to be face to face with Gymir. Although to be fair, Gymir's 6'8" of raw Viking. Most Uber drivers probably wouldn't hold up well.  ;D Nice word use at the end, but for me, Gymir's appearance really dominated the selection along with Ebby's shapeshifting. Made for quite a lot of entertainment!

Jazra

#47
Love the opening of Ceralilly’s piece, because it set the scene so well. I too wasn’t looking up as I focused on this sleepy little French town. Then thanks to the narrator, I’m one of the lucky few whose eyes cast her gaze up to see that flicker of cloak whip along a museum’s edge. I also find the real focus of this paragraph isn’t the hapless passerbyes, but in my mind perhaps the museum. And I’m not misled … a theft! Fun little piece, very enjoyable to read. I also found Marek’s piece about Rob intriguing. I read it twice. The first time focusing on the story, but then it shifted from a slice of life into something a bit more without giving anything away. It’s then I wanted to go back and appreciate your development of the story knowing where my journey was going. As for Merry Gentry’s story of a young girl learning to rule, I found it heavy with foreshadowing and it left me eager to know more. I suspect she will find herself ruling in truth much earlier than she anticipates.

And then Nicholas! I like dark noir stories with damaged men who never turn down money and the fat greasy pigs who pay them. Throw in a curvaceous stripper dancing in the background and I’m grabbing some pillows and curling up to read more. Gosh! This is the joy and tease of a thread like Word of the Day as its done here. I get teased by these beautiful stories that leave me wickedly curious to know more. And I struggle with exactly how to use some of these new words. Thankfully, hyperbole is the next one to come up and I consider myself the absolute master when it comes to that particular words, I’m sure I’ve used it a hundred billion times, 99.99 % of the time nearly correctly.

I'm looking forward to writing my next segment in Aasa and Ebby's story. I already have an idea how I'll use that word. It may not come tomorrow as I am going to a Passover Seder and will be struggling with an entirely different set of unfamiliar words.

Below is Ebby this evening. He's not happy that I took his picture,

Ons & Offs
Absences

Boy, “If I and a slice of pizza fall in the water, which do you save?

Girl, wipes grease off her chin, “Why'd you let my pizza fall in the water?”

Nico


Flower

@Marek: So I read your 'flack' piece and it reminded me so much of office culture. I feel for poor Berta. Believe it or not, I found myself most interested in the boss and Carlo. I wouldn't mind seeing another piece of this office environment. :)

@Nicholas: I enjoyed reading about Angelo as well. I like the sense of tradition in this piece along with the kind of disenchantment with it. It's almost as if our main character is tired but not quite willing to step away. I really enjoyed your descriptions as well. It allowed me to clearly see the surroundings and smell the smoke laden air.

@Majere Dreavan: I love the premise you are working with, even though it sounds excruciatingly boring for the character. For whatever reason, the last sentence made me chuckle as well.

@Jazra: You already know I love the marvelous adventure of Aasa and Ebby. :) Ebby is gorgeous too!