Breaking News: Fox News Correspondents Smoke Crack With Morning Coffee

[HockeyGod]

At least I think they are...

Fox News reported that Los Angeles is going to spend $1 billion on jetpacks that can fly a person up to 63 miles per hour and soar to heights of 8,000 feet.

But this is one head-in-the-clouds idea that would never get off the ground, not even in the City of Angels.

"We certainly haven't bought any jetpacks," police chief Charlie Beck told the LA Times. "We haven't bought [squad] cars for two years."

The hosts of "Fox and Friends," the network's morning show, missed a great opportunity to yell "makeup!" But they were mildly skeptical when first discussing the concept and retracted the report within an hour. They initially said that Los Angeles was ordering 10,000 jetpacks at a cost of $100,000 each. The Times notes that the city "is regularly sending its police detectives home because it can't pay all their overtime." There's no money for anything this over the top.

Where on earth could such an out-of-this-world report come from?

Gawker first noted that it probably came from a story in the Weekly World News. For those who haven't noticed the publication in supermarket checkout lines, their logo features Bat Boy and they've broken such exclusives as "Dick Cheney is a Robot," "Satan Captured by GIs in Iraq," and "Hillary Clinton Adopts Alien Baby."
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You can't make this stuff up.

See video at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/06/fox-news-lapd-jetpack-video_n_752130.html

[Sabby]

Why is this NOT true? D=

[MasterMischief]

Ahem.  Where is your evidence that Fox News Correspondents smoke crack?

Let me guess.  You read all about in in the Enquirer.   :P

[Stattick]

Yeah, that's pretty much par for the course. Seriously, why do people watch Fox News and expect to get news?

[LongN4]

Crack + Fox News = awesome

God, if they crank out this sorta shit while high they should just stay that way.

On a side note I would totally LOVE to have 10,000 jetpacks.

[Sabby]

Yeah, but you'd have to start sharing them... then people would complain about who gets turns, and you'd have to start a club to maintain order, then you've got the licenses, venue, constant organization, it's really not that worth it in the long run.

The benefits of 1 Jetpack outweigh the benefits of 10,000. Unless you own a PMC.

[Zaakmaal]

I am so sorry Sabby, but I disagree. Using the same jetpack day after day is simply not acceptable. Would you wear the same socks for a week? No! How can we expect them to use the same jetpack? They would also have to come in different colors. We wouldn't want their outfits to clash as they zip over people's heads at 60mph.

[LongN4]

Nah, I'd just give the spares to the homeless. Though that'd probably just set off the next  "exclusive" Fox News story

"Oklahoman man raises army of airborne hobos will he use them to smuggle illegal aliens and drugs into the country?!"

[Oniya]

There's only one problem with this story:  Weekly World News went online-only over a year ago.

The rest of it looked spot-on.  ;D