The Rabbit Hole

[Wabisuke]

Sorry, no rabbit-themed porn here. Or even any Alice in Wonderland themed porn. I just needed to write this out, and I don't have a blogger's license here yet.

Life for me has generally been pretty easy. I've got no real complaints so far, not that I'm bragging or about to start some dramatic "my life is so plain, why oh why me God?" text.

I've always been able to put myself in a hypothetical situation, and guess which option I'd like to do, and which I'd probably end up doing. I usually pick the more heroic options for both, by the way. And I've even tried implementing this kind of thought in my day to day life.

The main thing I'm trying to say in this is that those people who do not spend all of their time doing serious activities think. And I've thought a lot. All these years, I thought I had a pretty good wrangle on who I am, or at least who I am in relation to who I want to be.

But, as I'm getting more out of the cage in the world, I'm starting to see that I'm wrong. Where I once thought myself to be a relentless optimist, I now find myself to be incredibly pessimistic. Where I thought I was a fair individual, I now see myself as judging, and harsh. I thought I was maybe a little paranoid, instead now I'm shocked that I'm not in a straitjacket.

I don't trust strangers anymore, not ones that I can see anyway (<3 Elliquiy!). I feel a knife in my back, and I think back to the man I thought I was, and I see that we are two different people.

And now I have to wonder: Was I always like this? Have I forever been this type of person, merely deceived in thinking those other things? If I'm aware of this now, how much more am I unaware of? How deep in the rabbit hole am I, really?

How lost am I?

[Sho]

Sounds like you're going through a tough figuring-out-who-you-really-are phase. *offers hugs*

Try not to let it get you too down...go with your gut on most of your decisions, if you have the opportunity. I've found that letting your innermost guide direct your actions helps put you back on a trail that will tell you who you are. Try not to analyze who you are, as a stereotype, like 'pessimistic' or 'optimistic', but just do what you like doing. People change over time...it's part of what makes us human. To E, you'll always be Wabisuke, no matter what sort of person you think that you are. :)

We're here to help you find your path, if we can.

[Wabisuke]

*accepts hugs*

Thanks...I went out and drank some good iced tea...I really feel a lot more "back to normal" now...maybe the things that I said there were true, but I certainly don't feel so down about them now.

Thank you for the kind words, I'm glad to know that the kindness of strangers still has at least one home in the world...and I won't forget it.

[Serephino]

Glad to see you're feeling better then.  Doubting yourself and your path once in a while is normal.  It's not changing that you'd have to worry about.  After all, the ever elusive meaning of life that everyone thinks is some great secret really isn't.  You experience things, you learn, you evolve.