Dating a Sibling's Friend: Off Limits?

[The Spazzy One]

Hey, so I'm not sure if this is controversial, but it is an interesting topic of conversation.

Suppose you fall for your brother/sister's best friend, or your best friend's brother/sister. What do you think? Could you date that person, or is there an unspoken rule that you shouldn't?

[Oniya]

My siblings' friends were off-limits, but that was mostly because of the age difference (the next older is 9 years above me).  The younger sis (four years younger) and I didn't have the same tastes at all.

[Jude]

That depends.  How hot are they?

I ask this because those of us who are mathematically inclined are familiar with the Strauss-Klein-Bernstein equation.  The outcome is a number which can be compared against the subject's Tesla-Jordan coefficient (colloquially known as hotness) in order to determine if dating this person is appropriate.  Let me show you the equation and I can break it down:



Let H prime be the threshold for the Tesla-Jordan value, and we all know it's a function of Psi, but as we know, Psi is also a function of age, denoted by r, and t, closeness between your sibling and the person in question.  Of course, there's a problem, H prime is normalized for Western-European societal conditions, so you have to compute the proper normalization for American society (which is represented by the expression that isn't a function of Psi, as you can clearly see).  Naturally, we need to take the appropriate delta values, compute h hat, divide by the permittivity of free relationships, and then V(r) naturally becomes the "market value."  The point is, when you're done, you end up with the expression on the right, which -- when you plug in all of the right numbers -- you learn that the proper Tesla-Jordan value is any number in excess of '7.4' on the Albert scale (standard 1 to 10 measure of hotness).

Of course, you could also talk to your sibling and ask if it's okay.  Communication is key, that and taking things situationally.  Unfortunately, human beings don't have a set of hard and fast rules on stuff like this -- unless you want to default to Strauss-Klein-Bernstein calculations on the fly.  In which case, I must suggest you carry a slide rule with you at all times.

[figliaperduta]

Jude:

You, sir, are made of win.  Do you have a slide rule I could borrow?  There seems to be a shortage, here, everyone must be dating their siblings' friends.

What would be the optimisation of H prime for Asia?

fig

[Oniya]

Can't help with the H' aspect, but here you go:

Build Yourself a Slide Rule

[Jude]

42, I think.  Wait, no... Lots of pedophilia in Japan.  4.2 -- had to be off by an order of magnitude.

[meikle]

More importantly: dating a sibling: off limits?

(I kid, I kid.)

[Reagan]

Hey, so I'm not sure if this is controversial, but it is an interesting topic of conversation.

Suppose you fall for your brother/sister's best friend, or your best friend's brother/sister. What do you think? Could you date that person, or is there an unspoken rule that you shouldn't?

I don't know about the maths of it all but what I will say is that if you're going to date a sibling's friend (or friend's sibling) it should be with a view to a long term relationship.  Falling for a person is understandable and wanting to make someone happy (as well as yourself) is natural.  If however the hotness figure is obliterating everything else you should be considering, have a sit down and ask yourself how compatible you really think you are with this person in the long term.

I think most siblings/friends would be ok with you giving it your best shot and trying to make things work. I think it's courtesy to at least inform them that you've fallen for this person.  But if your intentions are less honourable than they should be, you should be honest with yourself and give the object of your lust a wide berth.

[Will]

I don't think anyone has a right to take a personal interest in who I date, the only exception being that person's parents.  Whether it's a sibling's friend, a friend's sibling, or my best friend's ex (all typical "gray areas" in dating), they need to get over it.  Adults don't need protection, and any attempt to imply otherwise is quaint at best, and disrespectful at worst.  Even if things don't end up long term, if both partners are honest with each other about intentions, I fail to see how anyone else has a right to question that.

[Lilias]

Suppose you fall for your brother/sister's best friend, or your best friend's brother/sister. What do you think? Could you date that person, or is there an unspoken rule that you shouldn't?

In my neck of the woods, this is actually encouraged by the families, especially for beginners in the dating game, since a friend's family is already vetted, up to a point. And even for older people, I see nothing to stop such a relationship from going ahead.

It's not like dating your friend's ex, which usually has an awkwardness factor off the charts.

[Ophelia Jaxon]

My brother dated almost all of my friends. Sometimes two at once. Since we sort of got on at that point I didn't much care except when he pissed them off and I got an earfull...then it wasn't too cool lol. And hearing about the exploits...I'm all for girl talk but god...things I just didn't need to know I got to know.

Best idea is to make sure sibling is ok with it, then go ahead. :D

[Martee]

I don't see why it would be an issue... One of my sisters dated a very close close friend of mine for years. The whole family loved him. If he hadn't passed away, they might have gotten married eventually.

I'd probably draw the line at them dating one of my exes, but my sisters and I all have very different tastes, so that was never an issue.

[Bayushi]

I would have been happy to date the older of my two younger sister's friends.

Her friends lived next door to us in Navy Housing, too. Unfortunately, their parents were vehemently anti-gay, and the girls were quite straight. They're both married now, to military men; and have kids.

[Ashe]

I can understand some of the worries.  Between the the sibling and the friend you're dating (or vice versa) some tension can build.  Particularly when all he/she wants to do is talk about the new "love of her life" and your sibling/best friend wants to go, "Oh god, gag me.  S/he's not a superman!"  A new dynamic is created which can really be annoying.  I've lost friends this way, and after the relationship ended... Well, no one had my support.

If they can get over that, or agree not to let the new relationship get in the way of spending regular "friend time" doing whatever they did before you got involved, then it should be golden.  It's not about asking permission. (Although it's considered proper etiquette.)  I personally don't want anyone controlling who I date, regardless of who that person is. 

Of course, I wouldn't recommend doing this on a fling.  Long-term relationships are cool.  F-ing and chucking your football-lineman-best-friend's little sister... not the smartest thing to do.  I think that's what the "unspoken rule" generally falls to.

And Jude-- I fell over laughing at that.