Things you don't want to hear on the first date

[Phil66666]

But I bring my chicken with me everywhere!

[Kitsunetsuki]

and that's when I told my doc, "I didn't even know syphilis still existed!"

[Dahling]

I have ten cats.

[Rex Pacis]

Oh....I thought you were your friend.....awkward...

[Aaron Divine]

I just had plastic surgery.

[Beguile's Mistress]

"I have to be home before the sun comes up."

[Mordred]

We better hurry to my place. I have a curfew.

[Lady Haven]

Has anyone every told you you look like Adrien Brody

[Mordred]

Has anyone every told you you look like Adrien Brody

(I'm assuming you mean me? Now that you mention.. I see what you mean. Although.. perhaps, lovely one, it's also the angle from which your eyes are watching?  :-)..)

[Mordred]

But.. this you don't wanna hear.. (or.. I assume.. for this is said from a guy's point of view.. :P)..

You look just like my mom.

[Lady Haven]

(I'm assuming you mean me? Now that you mention.. I see what you mean. Although.. perhaps, lovely one, it's also the angle from which your eyes are watching?  :-)..)

The angle is perfect and yes I love Adrien Brody at any angle.

[Lady Haven]

But.. this you don't wanna hear.. (or.. I assume.. for this is said from a guy's point of view.. :P)..

You look just like my mom.

Nobodys mom but I did look like a guys sister once. Too Weird

[Breathless Intent]

I love you.

[Autumn52]

I want you to meet my family

[Berek]

Would you like to see my stamp collection?

[Malthas]

My family member is getting out of jail tomorrow!

[Autumn52]

You are the first man I have seen since I got out of jail, wanna give me a freebie

[Dahling]

We're going to make such beautiful babies, I can't wait!

[Berek]

Will you come with me to church on Sunday?

[Nico]

Well, I don't date anymore because I am in a relationship - but... what I wouldn't want to hear is a ..:"Wanna......" you get my drift.

[Phil66666]

Yes, son, your mother is dating again

[Etah dna Evol]

I hope you don't mind kids . . . . .

[twerdgirl]

Just to get it out of the way I'm Schizophrenic and on about ten different kinds of medications. Also the governments after my hair.

[Malthas]

Try to ignore my sweaty feet kay, I don't shower a lot.

[twerdgirl]

I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to make sure my dog's emotional energy was positive.

[Malthas]

Hey did I ever mention you look like my last ex he was such a jerk and.....

[SummerWhispers]

My mom is almost ready, she will be dropping us off and picking us back up, she does not think is is safe for me to be out after dark, without her.

[Coreli]

... before we get started, let's go over some ground rules...

[Sasquatch421]

I almost didn't make it....I just got my Night Elf to level 60 in WoW!

[Autumn52]

I think I might be pregnant

[ABagOVicodin]

I have a strict gaming schedule, let's get this overwith.

[Autumn52]

My mother is making me go out with you

[Phil66666]

My mom is almost ready, she will be dropping us off and picking us back up, she does not think is is safe for me to be out after dark, without her.


But don't worry, since she fell in that vat of acid she's got a thing for guys like you.

[ABagOVicodin]

My ex says we can only do this dinner, nothing else.

[Artairus Dent]

So, what's your 'safe word'?

[SinfulAngel]

So, what's your 'safe word'?

Count me in? hehe awesome.



How long is this movie, i've got a raid in 2 hours.

[Belle33]

This is the first good meal I've had since leaving prison.

[Mr Bigglesworth]

Mind if I bring my cats?

[Belle33]

I'm not too picky about where we eat, as long as it's vegan, non gluten, non dairy, organic and kosher. 

[Breathless Intent]

So, we're gonna do it right?

[Beguile's Mistress]

By the way, I don't have any cash and my credit card was hacked.

[Adammair]

I think I might be pregnant

"Be honest. Do I look pregnant?"

[Rinzler]

I can vouch for this restaurant. The food is wonderful. And the staff are so accomodating, too. Once, I came here with one of my realdol- oh, never mind.

[PigPin]

I forgot to mention just one small detail It's run by nudists and we're going to be overdressed. 

[Adammair]

"Can we go to a different restaurant? My parole officer just walked in..."

[PigPin]

Don't be alarmed if you see a lot of flashing lights...I'm sort of in the middle of a police chase....I just escaped from prison to meet you....So what do you do?

[Adammair]

"Are you sure this is our first date? I feel like I've met you somewhere..." *snaps fingers* "...THAT'S IT! In my former life, we were... (insert your own continuation here)" XD

[PigPin]

I knew it you do look prettier up close, those binoculars doesn't do you justice.

[synthesis]

I'm just drifting along, jobs are for the weak...

[Autumn52]

Do you mind if my girlfriend comes along, she doesn't trust me for some reason?

[Mr Bigglesworth]

Can you cut my toenails first?

[SummerWhispers]

You did bring your credit card, didn't you?

[Mr Bigglesworth]

Just so you know, I'm impotent.

[SinfulAngel]

Here's a tissue *pulls tissue from bra*

[Mr Bigglesworth]

I have my own tissues *Pulls from crotch*

[SinfulAngel]

I have my own tissues *Pulls from crotch*

That is amazing.. but most definitely undesired to the ears on a first date.


So my wife thinks i'm cheating on her.

[Mordred]

Oh shit. Lemme just make a pitstop at the store.. forgot, I don't have any condoms. We are gonna have sex, right? I mean.. jeez.. you ordered lobster!

[SummerWhispers]

Oh here,*reaches in purse and hands him a note*, this my price list, some of which is negotiable of course.

[Mordred]

I'll have extra garlic on that!

[Raeyna]

*looking up from iPhone* I've booked the Church for Saturday. I'm so excited about our wedding!

[Kurzyk]

Go ahead and order, I'll be right back... man I really have to take a crap.

[Grainne]

Oh...I didn't tell you I lived in my parents' basement?

[SummerWhispers]

My boyfriend will of course be joining us for dinner, and I think he may even be planning on pay for his own meal.

[Mordred]

Hey.. wanna see my laboratory?

[Adammair]

"Whaddya mean you've never met a 30th level dwarven cleric/fighter/thief?!"

[SummerWhispers]

Here grab these change rolls, and help me get these quarters and dimes rolled, we should be good with just those, but if we have desert we will have to roll up some nickels.

[Rhys Thanatos]

So, I just wanted to let you know before this date goes any further.  I really have a penis under this skirt.  I hope you dont mind, I can keep it hidden if you prefer.

[Skadii]

Hey...can I borrow 20 bucks?

[Rhys Thanatos]

I have to wear a colostomy bag

[Xenolord]

What do you mean I can't bring another two dates to this one? Girls are like Voltron. The more you hook up, the better it gets!

[Raeyna]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant, congratulations Daddy!

[Xydaef]

I really like you, you should meet my family!

[Veluux]

My ex __________.

[Adammair]

My ex __________.

...is pregnant. I really should be getting back to her.

[Autumn52]

wanna go dumpster diving?

[PigPin]

I'm doing this reality show....hope you don't mind.

[Berek]

Let me just set up the webcam...

[Autumn52]

This is my first date so I hope you don't mind if my mom documents it for me on video.

[Adammair]

"...so then I hid the body, and...What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

[Mr Bigglesworth]

Mind if I bring my cats with me?

[PigPin]

Who...him...he's just my gimp.  He won't make a sound.

[Shadowfox113]

It's just a lip fungus, it comes and goes...

[PigPin]

Sorry I had to bring the children...It's my wife's turn to go out solo.

[Autumn52]

Don't worry I just want sex

[Berek]

I never have sex on a first date

[Mr Bigglesworth]

I really dig your nose hair.

[Autumn52]

If you are out with a woman something a woman does not want to hear......You look just like my best friend from high school, he had hair in his ears too.

[Mr Bigglesworth]

^__^ I don't think many men would appreciate that either!

My car was impounded, do you mind riding on the back of my bicycle?

[Galactic Druid]

This one actually happened, and has an entire creepy story to go along with it.
*creepy state* What do you think of the names Robert and Amanda?"

[Adammair]

"I really like you...but then, I also really liked my ex who ended up stalking me, killing my dog, and stealing my car and wrecking it..."

[Autumn52]

The thing I don't want to hear on a first date is, "You have no chance of ever being with Adammair. He is taken so get over it.".(I like my delusions) :-[ :-[

[Xenolord]

"If we get married, can we get married on a Bird of Prey, by a Klingon?"

Yep. I went there.

[PigPin]

10001010 00011010 10101010  oh i'm sorry i thought everyone spoke binary. 

[SummerWhispers]

I know we barely know each other, but could you lend me fifty dollars, til my mom gets paid.

[Rex Pacis]

"Hey can you validate my parking?"

[SummerWhispers]

I promised my girl friend I would bring you back to our place afterwards, she likes to take pictures of my dates.

[PigPin]

How do you feel about crabs? Hmmm...we're not getting seafood.

[Izzie Aditi]

So I just came out of the psych ward..

[Adammair]

"So I just came from a rave. I'm still pretty smashed..."

[Breathless Intent]

I love getting free food on dates! Where are you taking me for dinner?

[PigPin]

Free? I thought you were paying.  All my assets are frozen in the freezer.

[Breathless Intent]

Where's my present?

[Malthas]

Let's make sure to be done in an hour okay, my next date wants to see the movie at nine.

[PigPin]

You look to have childbearing hips....Good. I'm thinking at least a dozen....Shall we.

[Somnifera]

I love you.

[RainbowLei]

That friend that hooked us up said you were into... I was thinking after dessert, my place, you brought your things right?

[PigPin]

So I was thinking we'd just cut the crap and let you meet my parents.

[Galactic Druid]

Another true one, and the last time I used eHarmony;

Do you mind if we meet somewhere closer to me? There's an iHop near my house. My dad just doesn't want to drive that far.

[Mordred]

Hey! You're my first date after doing 15 big ones for murder. So.. umm.. you gonna eat your dessert?

[SummerWhispers]

I hope you don't mind, I told my wife we would stop by her birthday party for a couple of hours.

[RainbowLei]

I love that cute little zebra stripped pillow on your bed, you know the one you keep your secret toys in, and the way your hair drapes around your body when you sleep, so much like the last girl.

[BrokenShards]

I don't think I cooked that chicken properly...

[Autumn52]

I have to be back to the half way house by 10pm or the police will track my ankle bracelet and pick me up and believe me that can be embarrassing.

[Tidus]

You don't need to worry about protection. I'm already pregnant!

[Rinzler]

You're so wonderful! Even my sperms are eager to meet you!

[Mr Bigglesworth]

You're wearing that?  Does your mom dress you too?

[MiaFire]

If we work out, I don't want to meet your family, because it would just be too awkward with having dated your two brothers as well, before.

[Breathless Intent]

Ugh...I think I have gas.

[shooter6806]

Can I borrow your phone?  I need to call my parole officer.

[Tsumi Okazaki]

My husband won't mind at all, dear.

[TheLegionary]

セクスは　いかがですか。　
まだです。

[Autumn52]

I want to hear what TL said in that last post for sure.

[Adammair]

I want to hear what TL said in that last post for sure.

+1

[Tsumi Okazaki]

Will you be my alibi?

[TheLegionary]

If I scream too much, it is because of my back pain. Dont worry!

[Autumn52]

You've had your shots, right?

[TheLegionary]

Will you marry me?

[Autumn52]

If you could just sign this non disclosure statement we can begin.

[Tsumi Okazaki]

You don't mind if I use your tub, right? I'll try not to clog the drain.

[TheLegionary]

Would you mind telling me your blood type? I just want to be sure that Fetal erythroblastosis will not take place if we have a baby.

[Tsumi Okazaki]

I'm sorry, you did say that your a donor, correct?

[Grainne]

Do you mind if we stop by the s.o.'s and ask permission?

[shooter6806]

My dad's a cop.

[Tsumi Okazaki]

Hey do you mind dropping me off at the Doc's when we're done here? I got this thing I need to get looked at.

[Grainne]

My dad's a cop.

Ha!

So...did I tell you my Dad's a pastor?

[Tsumi Okazaki]

I want our family to be like Christ.

[Autumn52]

I hope you don't mind but I had beans for dinner. I am kinda gassy sorry

[Tsumi Okazaki]

Ha!

I didn't want to say this, but I've been watching you for some time now.....

[Breathless Intent]

Are you free next week? I need someone to watch my kids while I go on a date with this guy I'm really into.

[gaggedLouise]

"-It's a mystery to me, but the game commences...

-The usual fee, Sir, plus expenses."

(opening lines of Dire Straits' Private Investigations, with one or two words added and removed)

[Tsumi Okazaki]

"-It's a mystery to me, but the game commences...

-The usual fee, Sir, plus expenses."

(opening lines of Dire Straits' Private Investigations, with one or two words added and removed)

Wow.... Just WOW. That would be horrible to hear on a date.

"Ms, my husband asks that I take you home to meet him. Sound good?"

[gaggedLouise]

Wow.... Just WOW. That would be horrible to hear on a date.

"Ms, my husband asks that I take you home to meet him. Sound good?"

Mmm. I think that song is actually about jealousy in a marriage breaking down - or after the separation - with the private detective thing as a parable for what's going on in his mind.


"Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?" (from the movie Austin Powers)

[Tsumi Okazaki]

"I already have everything planned." Pulls out a list "First we are gonna get married at the vegas chapel, then adopt a few kids and attend church. Your gonna become a businesswoman while i play the stay at home mom."

[gaggedLouise]

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Miss, and mortgaging your Daddy's fortune we will go all the way to the top."  ;D

[Tsumi Okazaki]

LOL

"I want to see more of you. Now. In fact there is a bathroom not ten feet away."

[gaggedLouise]

"You're such a hjewel in the rough.
You wanna show me your stuff?
For my money, you can't be too soon!
I'll meet you, meet you in the ladies' room, a-ha-ha..."

(lyrics from Kiss, Ladies' Room - I once had that song playing on the radio in an RP of two bound women prison inmates (played by me and a buddy) getting forced to suck off a corrupt warden)

[Tsumi Okazaki]

"You're such a hjewel in the rough.
You wanna show me your stuff?
For my money, you can't be too soon!
I'll meet you, meet you in the ladies' room, a-ha-ha..."

(lyrics from Kiss, Ladies' Room - I once had that song playing on the radio in an RP of two bound women prison inmates (played by me and a buddy) getting forced to suck off a corrupt warden)

Lol I generally make the two take each other when in that kind of rp. Thats if im one of them. Im not real big on guys lol.

ok date line.

"I think I need a moment to look at you. Can you stand up and bend over?"

[gaggedLouise]

"Oh, it cost that much? Musta been the wine, haha! Listen honey, you'll pay for the missing portion by doing some of their dish washing. After all, you're a girl, so you know..."  :-[


Mmm, yes, two ladies being forced to take each other for the pleasure of the ones instigating it?  :-)

I do RP vs both guy and girl characters (mostly acting a woman myself) but in-the-flesh I'm definitely more attracted to girls really...

[Tsumi Okazaki]

"Oh, it cost that much? Musta been the wine, haha! Listen honey, you'll pay for the missing portion by doing some of their dish washing. After all, you're a girl, so you know..."  :-[


Mmm, yes, two ladies being forced to take each other for the pleasure of the ones instigating it?  :-)

I do RP vs both guy and girl characters (mostly acting a woman myself) but in-the-flesh I'm definitely more attracted to girls really...

Clamps a hand over the woman's mouth and drags her into the door mat.

I never RP anything sex related with a guy. I'm strictly into women. This goes one hundred fold for real life.

"Would you mind helping me out? I need a quick lesson in sex so that I can satisfy the woman I'm meeting tomorrow."

[gaggedLouise]

"No, people really watch this. It's a romantic film, you know, couples enjoy it"

(Travis Bickle taking the girl he's picked up to the scandal film Swedish Sex Manual in Taxi Driver. Being from the Land of the Midnight Sun myself I appreciate the irony of that scene - and the fact that Scorsese got his footage from an actual Swedish "sex ed" film (talbeit one very untypical of its time and place, even in 'sixties Sweden)

[Tsumi Okazaki]

(.... you lost me at sex-film. In fact you lost me completely lol.)

"Babe, there's a bug in my food. Would you swap with me?"

[gaggedLouise]

You haven't seen Taxi Driver? (well, the rest of the film is nothing like that cold extract from a "sinful Scandinavian movie")

"I asked them to serve a special catfish for you. The Japanese kind that's sometimes a life hazard..."

[Tsumi Okazaki]

Nope. Sorry. If I have, I don't recall it.

"Baby will you hold my purse? I need to change my pad."

[TheLegionary]

Can you pay the bill? I ran short of limit in all my credit cards.

[SummerWhispers]

Hey my girlfriend is coming with us, she just broke up with her boyfriend and needs some company and perhaps dinner.

[Adammair]

Server: "What would you like?"
Date: "...his liver, with some fava beans, and a nice Chianti."

>:)

[SummerWhispers]

I forgot to fill my meds, but should be ok, you may need to make sure you do not let me get behind you for any length of time, as without my meds I sometimes see and think things that areillusion's.

[Kirce]

I love you.

Really? We just met!

[Mr Bigglesworth]

You forgot your makeup.

[Berek]

This is me with the makeup! ;)

[Mr Bigglesworth]

I forgot my kilt, can I borrow a skirt?

[Breathless Intent]

I always had the biggest crush of Charles Manson.

[Tsumi Okazaki]

"Your so much better than my last date. She didn't even have a pulse."

[Adammair]

"I'm sorry, what? I was distracted by that HUGE piece of food between your teeth..."

[Mr Bigglesworth]

I thought we could go to the carnival and clean up after the elephants, I love to do that!

[Breathless Intent]

I don't believe in showers.

[Adammair]

I don't believe in showers.

"...unless they're golden"

[Berek]

I don't believe in brushing my teeth.

[Mr Bigglesworth]

Before we even start I'll need a list of all your lovers.

[Adammair]

"So, tell me. Do you believe in polygamy?"

[Mr Bigglesworth]

You look just like my mother.

[Tsumi Okazaki]

I'm a reproductive abuser.

[gaggedLouise]

I don't believe in showers.

(Young woman:) "Why have you come here on barefoot?"
(Man:) "I don't trust shoes."

-First encounter between the slave trader/mercenary (played by Klaus Kinski) and a Brazilian genteel lady in the film Cobra Verde, by Werner Herzog; after a while, they end up man and wife. Not the only weird oneliner Kinski gets to say in the movie, either, another one is this, when he and a crony have been caught by an African tribe (whom they wanted to catch and sell as slaves of course) and are lying bound in a field, surrounded by spear-waving, dancing tribesmen:

(crony:)"Aren't you afraid of dying?"
"I haven't tried it yet."

;D

[Argleblather]

These are all 73 of my cats... *flips out 348598 page album*

[Autumn52]

*walks up to you and leans in close to sniff you*

You on the rag?

[Zaphod]

Oh, I usually brush my teeth once a month.

[Autumn52]

I want 10 kids

[PigPin]

I may or may not be shooting blanks care to find out?

[Mordred]

Do you have any itch cream in that purse? Myyyyyy god.. it's killing me.. right here in the groin. Hell.. if not.. gotta brush in there? That would feel heavenly. Ohhh, you have nice sharp nails. Would you mind?

[Rinzler]

And the really great thing about me is that my foreskin is so long, I can tie a knot in it and not have to worry about rubbers. Good, eh!

[TheLegionary]

Dont you think you should start a diet?

[mishi]

Sorry I have to go, I think I just sharted.... unless you are ok with it?

[TheLegionary]

Sorry for farting too much.

[mishi]

That's ok, I live by the sewage treatment plant so I am use to it.

[PigPin]

What has two thumbs and is getting laid tonight? *points thumbs to himself* THIS GUY

[wiccaangel311]

You look much better without the curtains framing you

[mishi]

You remind me of my mother.

[Bloodied Porcelain]

I just found out this morning that I'm pregnant! Isn't that great?!

[shooter6806]

I've got 3-month refills on my psych meds.

[Caitlin]

I'm only dating you because my mother forced me to.

[Kirce]

- "Do you use the Three-Date Rule? Because I rather skip it with you."

- "Uh huh?"

[Caitlin]

"Woa the girl (/boy) behind you looks way hotter than you do!"

[wiccaangel311]

You and i would make beautiful children

[Kirce]

- Are you in the pill?

[Adammair]

Wanna play 'house'? You can be the front door and I'll slam you.

[Kirce]

- So later tonight when you invite me to go inside your apartment...

[TheLegionary]

Would you mind brushing your teeth next time?

[Adammair]

- So later tonight when you invite me to go inside your apartment...

*was actually thinking of almost that exact same thing, before I posted my last post. ;D Great minds think alike, Kirce!*

[mishi]

You know what?! I actually shit glitter today!

[Kirce]

*was actually thinking of almost that exact same thing, before I posted my last post. ;D Great minds think alike, Kirce!*

Highfive!! :)

Another one: "So just how experienced you really are?"