Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View

[Keiro]

Still haven't gotten myself checked out, but that'll be scheduled once the offices are open to request transportation assistance.

Still struggling with depression but today felt like a good day. There haven't been many of those... in fact, they're so far apart that it's hard to remember when I last had one.

[Rhedyn]

Hang on in there Keiro. I think it's really good that you're planning to see someone about it to get checked out, it's a brave thing to do and I wish you all the best with that. It's really easy to bury your head in the sand with depression and pretend it's not happening, or, as I used to do, put getting help off until tomorrow and then altogether because I felt 'better' for a day or so only to crash even harder.

I am glad that you had a good day today though, that's definitely something.

[Keiro]

Yeah, that's the insidious bit about depression. It makes it seem like it's not worth it to try correcting the problem.

I've been aware of it for roughly... ten years. And didn't get much, if any, professional help. Mostly it was the kind that was basically, "Man the fuck up!"

And honestly... I've been floating along for the past ten years. Trying some stuff to change my situation... it hasn't worked out so far. But maybe getting this checked out will be what unlocks the key to the kingdom, as it were.

It is definitely something... those good days were rare. And it strongly reminds me of this: http://keirod.deviantart.com/art/Depression-318901502

I'd Favorited it on DevART because it so accurately explains what depression is like. Every time I read it, I cry because holy shit, that's accurate to a terrifying degree.

[Dez]

Today.... today I took my first step and saw a counselor.


It was.... invigorating, but scary at the same time.

*hugs to any who want them*

Thank you for this.....

[marauder13]

Today.... today I took my first step and saw a counselor.


It was.... invigorating, but scary at the same time.

*hugs to any who want them*

Thank you for this.....

Congratulations, Whimsical, on taking that first step.

Indeed, is is a rather scary prospect at first, but that will pass soon enough. The next few visits to the counselor will be less scary, and you'll hopefully start seeing tangible results starting to surface by that time too.

Remember, when clearing away all the muck, it will get stirred up, but then, you'll be able to get rid of it easier. If you're strong enough, and brave enough to take that first step, the rest of the steps are well within your reach.

All the best with the new stage of your journey.

*Accepts some hugs, and gives some back*

[Rhedyn]

Today.... today I took my first step and saw a counselor.


It was.... invigorating, but scary at the same time.

*hugs to any who want them*

Thank you for this.....

I'm so proud of you, lovely! Well done <3

[Nowherewoman]

I'm not sure there is anything quite so perverse as having an actually GOOD day- followed by a complete and seemingly causeless emotional collapse. It's as if your brain says 'OH- you're just so cute when you're thinking life doesn't suck!  Can't have that!"

[Rhedyn]

I'm not sure there is anything quite so perverse as having an actually GOOD day- followed by a complete and seemingly causeless emotional collapse. It's as if your brain says 'OH- you're just so cute when you're thinking life doesn't suck!  Can't have that!"

Nothing quite compares does it? When you're doing well and just getting confident enough to label it a good day and then -bam-

~offers hugs~

[Remiel]

Yeah, that's rough.  My sympathies, Nowherewoman.

And congrats on seeking treatment, Whimsical and Keiro.  I certainly understand the thought process, i.e., "I'm admitting that there is something wrong with me if I ask for help", "I can figure this out on my own", etc.  It's what made me avoid seeking counseling for many, many years.  I wish there wasn't such a stigma attached to getting psychiatric therapy / counseling.    But it can make a huge difference, even if it's just having someone listen attentively without judgment. 

[Nowherewoman]

Thanks, guys.

And Remiel's right- it took me some time to seek counseling myself, and I am still resisting a medical/pharma approach. Talking about your issues to a stranger is not only painful, it gets tiresome in  way that feeds into the syndrome. "Oh, jeez, I am such a whiner. Why don't I just shut up and get over myself." Which is, of course, exactly what the Dragon wants. I'm sure that's part of what keeps a lot of people from doing it- at least those of us of a certain age were taught early on to suck it up, soldier on, what have you.

My counsellor and I have pretty much concluded that I need, at minimum, a 6-mo 'reboot' course of antidepressants. I have the referral toe  a psych practical nurse sitting in my bag. The combination of inertia, a hatred of the medical profession at large, and the usual rationalizations ("I'm fine right now. I don't need this junk."), plus a healthy fear of side effects and overshoot ("Our anti-depressant may cause you to become EVEN WORSE!  Isn't that fun?  And it's only 90 bucks a dose!"), is still keeping me from pursuing it.

TL;DR:  Yes, bravo to those of you finding the strength to reach out for assistance. For those who haven't- please, try.

[Keiro]

Aaaaaand I got broken up with by my girlfriend last week.

Now I just wanna fucking curl up and die. e.e

[Nowherewoman]

*hugs Kiero tightly*

[Oreo]

I had to drop this here and hope to leave a little uplifting of spirits.

[Rhedyn]

I love that, Oreo, thanks for sharing <3 

[Verasaille]

I love the post about Eeyore and also Oreo's adorable avatar!!

[Keiro]

It's crazy how things change in such a short time.

I've managed to mostly escape the clutches of depression... on Wednesday, I'm moving. Hopefully to a much happier life. So far, so good. Been feeling pretty damn happy since roughly the 18th. I'm still surprised at how long this happy streak's been going... but I'll take what I can get!

[Rel Mayer]

I'm not quite sure what to do:

I've been down lately, but not as down as I have been these past few days. I'm unsure if I'm just overly stressed (I work a lot), but yesterday I was so sad that I started crying for no reason and my hands hurt so badly all the while. I was physically feeling pain from how sad I have been lately, and I don't even have a proper reason to be sad. My life isn't the best ever, but it's passable. I have people that love me, friends, and jobs... I have no reason to be sad.

But why am I so sad? I'm usually very happy and positive. I know what events have lead me to be an emotional wreck these past three months, but I thought things would be getting better by now.

And I just feel myself falling deeper into this hole that I can't swim out of.

I've been watching this thread to see what everyone is doing to go through it, and haven't got the balls to step into it to and ask. But after these past few days of things getting worse... I'm asking you wonderful people. Where do I start? How do I take these small steps to recover? I don't want to be at this point where I am physically feeling pain from being so sad. It's like my heart is aching and pumping bad feels through my veins. It's so hard to describe... and in the meantime I just can't stop falling. This year has been so hard and want to walk forward and not fall backward.

I'd like to do therapy, but I almost feel ashamed to call. I know people have far worse situations and issues than I do, and I don't want to waste their time. But... why do I even use that as an excuse?

I'm just so lost and so sad, and I miss being myself.

[Oniya]

Different pains are different, and no less 'deserving' for being different.  A care with a flat tire is different from a car with engine noises.  Driving a car with a flat is impossible, but continuing to drive a car with engine noises could result in a bigger problem down the line.  Both are 'worthy' of a visit to the mechanic.

[Remiel]

I'd like to do therapy, but I almost feel ashamed to call. I know people have far worse situations and issues than I do, and I don't want to waste their time. But... why do I even use that as an excuse?

I'm just so lost and so sad, and I miss being myself.

*Hugs Rel Mayer tightly*

First of all, you are depressed.  I recognize all the hallmarks in the things you said.  "I have no reason to be sad"... "I'm usually very happy and positive"..."I feel myself falling deeper into this hole that I can't swim out of."    That's depression.   It's a downward spiral, and it doesn't always make sense.

Secondly, and you need to listen to me very carefully -- it's not your fault.  You do not deserve to be sad.  No one does.  No one knows why our brains do this to us, but it was nothing that you did. 

Thirdly,  this "I don't want to waste their time" is nonsense.   If you can talk to somebody, talk to them.   It doesn't even have to be a psychiatrist or a psychologist.  It can be a counselor at your school, a trusted friend, even your parents if you think that they'd help.  But you need to tell someone "I'm depressed, and I'd like to stop being depressed."  Nothing's worse than pretending to be happy and friendly while, deep inside, you feel hopeless.

Finally, I'm  here for you and have gone through what you are going through.   I'm always just a PM away.

[Verasaille]

@Rel Meyer, please know we all love you and want you to be happy. Seeing a professional is not a bad thing. It helps to get you over the bumps life throws you. They will know what to do to help you.

Have you spoken to your regular doctor? It might help to rule out any physical reason for you to be having pain. Some times routine check ups can reveal things you have no idea are happening. Hormonal changes can cause some things to go wonky with you chemically. Not your fault at all. Just the body going through changes.

Above all do not give up, Let us know how it's going.

[BAMF]

@Rel - One of the number one things I always have to tell myself about getting help when I need it is that suffering is subjective. What you view as someone "needing it more" might be someone who's doing just fine without help. & what you're judging as "I don't have it that bad" might cripple someone else.

If you need help, you need help. That's not for anybody but you to define. & it looks like you've defined that well-enough already. Take care of yourself. <3

[marauder13]

Rel,

Remiel hit the nail on the head with everything he said, and I can't think of anything else to add to that.

In my past, I found it difficult to take that first step, to go and see a professional to get help. But for me, it was the best thing I ever did. I thought there was nothing they could do to help, that, like you, there were others who could better use their time and skills, and a few other equally irrational thoughts. But it helped me. It took a little time, but it did help.

Sometimes, when you feel pain all of a sudden, it could be a sign of you releasing long held tension, same way as feeling sad, or any other emotion, is simply releasing something held tightly for far too long. You can only suppress things for so long before the body, and mind, can't held on any more.

I know our paths haven't crossed much here on Ell, but like Remiel, my PM box is open if you ever have the need, want or desire to chat. No pressure, no obligations.

Above all, please take care of yourself, and do whatever you need to get back to being healthy again.

[Rhedyn]

I can only echo what others have said, Rel. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help, I avoided it for a long time because I felt the same things you described. For me the biggest thing that has helped me to recover each time is being able to talk to someone and know that they are actually listening to me and taking me and how I feel seriously. Even if they haven't experienced depression for themselves having someone who knows that it's a real thing for me has been a big relief.

~hugs lots~

[The Lioness]

I have to admit that it had taken me quite a bit to warm to the idea of seeing someone regarding my depression as well. My father made me go since he thought I was traumatized by his divorce from my mother when I was 3 (BS, btw), and I was on depression meds as soon as I was 13. I thought something was wrong with me. Why were they making me take crazy meds? I'm not crazy, just sad that I can't live up to everyone's expectations. Even years after I graduated, it took my hubbs (we were dating at the time) to actually see someone and see if they could just help me sort things out. I needed a second opinion from a third party, who could teach me the skills to overcome the constant sadness and tension I carried with me like the plague.

That was when I said enough was enough, and started to see a social worker. What could hurt? It's just talking, after all. She had no power over me unless I admitted I was a danger to myself or others...but it wasn't like she was judging me either. She was there to teach me the social skills I needed, that my mother never taught me, so that I could move forward on my own. Granted, I needed medication to get over the hurdle so I could learn those skills better....but it too, was the best call I ever made.

Since then I have been able to label what it was I needed to work on, and work towards mending what is broken. It took a lot of forgiveness, strife, and personal failures to see that, but that was me...

....My point is, don't ever feel like your situation is too little to talk to someone to. What is the worst they will say? Tell yourself that it is temporary, and you just need some room to clear your head. That's all it is, and it wont harm you to talk to someone who can offer the best advice. Start small, have one session with a Social Worker, and go from there. If you don't think it is for you, ask them for other options. Your doc would be a great start to get referrals.

I wish you the best, Rel. Please know my inbox, like many of the wonderful folks here, are willing to listen if you give them the chance. Stay strong, and know you aren't alone in the battle.

[Pumpkin Seeds]

I would say start with recognizing you are depressed.  Just simply acknowledge that as a fact and state of being.  Once you put that forward as a problem you are facing then you can start looking for solutions to that problem.  Depression really has nothing to do with how many friends you have, how successful you are, how many people love you or how much money is in your bank account.  Depression is about how you feel about what is going on around you, your interpretation of life.  There are quite a few reasons why depression happens.  When starting out just move from most common and easily handled to least common and hardest to affect.

A doctor will allow you to rule out physical maladies such as hormones and chemical imbalances.  A therapist will help you with perception and also in developing coping skills.  From there just solve the problem.  Depression is a problem and problems have solutions.  Sort of a name your demon and once your demon has a name you can confront it.  So long as you let your depression just be this “thing that hurts you” it will continue to just be an abstract emotion that keeps you bed ridden.  So just realize you are depressed, devote time to the problem and figure out the best way to handle this situation.  Believing your depression isn’t worth mentioning or recognizing will just make it worse.