Change a Little, Change a Lot

[Lilias]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational every year asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here's a list of the best of recent years, to giggle over while we wait for the '08 results.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
Philaunderer: He may hop from bed to bed, but he always washes the sheets.
Whorde: A group of prostitutes.
Errorist: A member of a radical Islamic cult who blows himself up in a mannequin factory.
Palindromeo: Casanova von Asac, a legendary 18th-century seducer, later revealed to have gone both ways.
Tskmaster: An ineffective slave driver.
Forkplay: A lavish dinner date, in the hope of getting lucky.
Calculust: Figuring out exactly how much to spring for forkplay.
Persuede: To convince a person with a little gentle kidding.
Spentiments: Afterglow.
Horspice: A glue factory.
Satisfarction: A fatal heart attack suffered during intercourse.
Nominatrix: A spike-heeled woman who controls the selection of candidates for party whip.
Concupiscience: Conducting an empirical study of Internet porn for, um, a doctoral thesis. Yeah, that's it.
Sitcoma: Typical TV fare.
Dummary: An unnecessary explanation of a patently obvious concept.
Diddleman: A person who adds nothing but time to an effort.
Origasmi: The Japanese art of folding paper marital aids.
Masturpiece: The best-picture winner in the Porn Awards.
Claptop: A portable computer that's been infected by a virus. 
Precrastinate: "Do I eat the cookie before I watch 'American Idol' before I do my homework, or do I watch 'American Idol' before I eat?"
Restituition: The justification for stealing everything you can from the college dining hall.
Compenisate: To buy a red Porsche for reasons you don't quite understand.
Pestidigitation: How the exterminator makes the cockroaches magically disappear, then reappear soon after he leaves.
Vamplitude: A measurement of female seductive talent.

[MusicNeverDies]

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Satisfarction: A fatal heart attack suffered during intercourse.

*snicker*