Breakup with the person above you!

[Saerrael]

Dear  Kythia...


Your brother says 'hi'... ...from my bed.

-S-

[Kythia]

Internal Memo re: Project Saerra

NOT FOR EXTERNAL CIRCULATION

Following the meeting held on 24/10/12 with the Project Saerra steering group it has been decided to terminate this project indefinately.  Reasons mentioned include her annoying voice, a refusal to perform unspecified sexual acts and general personal hygiene issues.  It is not suspected that she believes this was anything other than a standard relationship though so Security are advised to be alert but not yet to commence cleanup.  Can we get someone in marketing to draft her a note explaining this.  Make it sound like it come from #43574 (ADHR Codename: Kythia)

Proposed Message: I'm sorry.  It's not you, it's me.  I hope we can still be friends.

Not bad.  Strike the bit about hoping we can be friends though and the bit about it not being her, and send it off.  Oh, and the bit about being sorry.  Text will be fine.

Sent Text: I'm.  It's.  I hope.

[Breathless Intent]

I admit...the silent game used to be fun. We would giggle and play charades, and then of course there were all of the ways that we would find to use our lips and tongue that didn't involve words at all. But its gotten past the point of cute. I want to TALK to you! I want a conversation! I want to be able to tell you about my day without you shooshing me and sticking that damned finger over my mouth. I can't take it any more. We're through.


....how about a kiss for the road though?

[Cayenne]

Dear Breathless (Which, now that you've got that oxygen tank, you should really change)

Things were great in the beginning, you were an elderly woman, tycoon billionaire playgirl, and I was a just your orderly.  Our love didn't blossom at first, you were so distant, and I always found it funny so many bats seemed to hang around your window when you'd stare out in your dramatic moods.   You said you didn't want to keep secrets, that you were the Dark Knight, and needed to me to be your Robin.  I was reluctant at first, but then all the anal sex, and strange treating me like I was born in a circus and had lost my parents to a horrible accident.

My parents are still alive.

I miss those days when you you'd use your walker for getting around, not for justice.  When your baby powder was for preventing rashes, not for cutting holes in walls and blinding villains.  Also, I miss the days where bat crap - wasn't just over EVERY FREAKING THING I OWN.

You had me at prune juice.

What happened to us?

I'm sending you the cleaning bill.

And we're over.

Cay~

[Saerrael]

All this 'blahblahblah'!
'More than words', baby. Look it up!
*leaves*

for Kythia

Internal Memo re: Project Saerra

NOT FOR EXTERNAL CIRCULATION

Following the meeting held on 24/10/12 with the Project Saerra steering group it has been decided to terminate this project indefinately.  Reasons mentioned include her annoying voice, a refusal to perform unspecified sexual acts and general personal hygiene issues.  It is not suspected that she believes this was anything other than a standard relationship though so Security are advised to be alert but not yet to commence cleanup.  Can we get someone in marketing to draft her a note explaining this.  Make it sound like it come from #43574 (ADHR Codename: Kythia)

Proposed Message: I'm sorry.  It's not you, it's me.  I hope we can still be friends.

Not bad.  Strike the bit about hoping we can be friends though and the bit about it not being her, and send it off.  Oh, and the bit about being sorry.  Text will be fine.

Sent Text: I'm.  It's.  I hope.

I'm a 'he' ::) *laughs*

[Breathless Intent]

You always hide your face from me. It was kinda cute when you would peek around corners and wave and then scurry off to hide under the sheets. It was downright adorable actually. But how am I supposed to have a full fledged relationship with someone who can't even let me see his full face? Is it really that bad?? *sigh* Sorry mister, but we're through!

[Kythia]

You're such a damn hypocrite.  You told me about that guy you split up with who wouldn't show his face and then you do exactly the same.  One moment you look one way, the next another.  When you threw a sulk because I'd ignored.  I didn't realise it was you.

I'm sorry, I like to know who Im with minute to minute.  Call me unreasonable but that's how it is.

[Breathless Intent]

Ugh - you don't appreciate my spontaneous surprises. Well EXCUSE ME for trying to spice up our sex life! And no, bringing in a sharp edge is NOT what I meant when I said I wanted to try out some new toys in the bedroom. This isn't work - I'm out!

[Cayenne]

Breathless.

You were the crimson tears, pumping through my heart, the life's blood of my very existence, you made every breath I took, a striving, a, desire to live on, not only because the nature, the animal within me so designed for it, but my desire, my unquenchable thirst for you made, demanded I continue.   You were my summers song, and your heat, your brilliance of radiance blotted out, and made jealous the ball of fire in the sky, you took the twinkle from the stars and shone in so brightly within your eyes the night became but shades of hopeless black to any who dared turn their heads away.  You were the food, the seasoning, the pot, and the tools of which I fed myself, and my love for you crushed the pathetic definition of such! Love was meaningless, a hollow silly, stupid thing that children thought of, as what they truly dreamed for was being within the glory of your presence!


..and then well, I realized that loving you makes everything else seem really crappy, and was super depressed all the time about everything else being so incredibly not even 5th rate! I couldn't even get out of bed, spending all my day thinking about you, and hating my bed because you were a more comfortable thing to lay on! I mean, what kind of life is this! 

So yeah, I've decided you suck, and the world is pretty good.

I hope that's okay, cuz I've started dating this disfigured hunchback guy who works in the bell tower - he is so hot! in a dirty disfigured old man, who likes to collect my nail clippings kind of way.

Lots of "love", Cayenne.

[Kythia]

Cayenne, I'm going to have to make this quick.

I joined with the intention of dating every single person on E.  Didn't quite realise how many members this place had so I've had to be pretty ruthless with timings.

I will leave this feedback - the time we dated (13:53 to 14:03 GMT, 25/10/12) was OK.  You've snuck into the top hundred, but only just.  It would have been a bit better if we'd spoken more or, you know, you'd've given any sign you even knew we were dating. It's OK though, most people don't I've found.  Quite a rude site, to be honest.

However, I will just say one thing.  Toothpaste.

Trust me.

Anyway, I'm with someone else now so I'll be off.

[Outsider]

Kythia,

at first I thought your Mickey Mouse plushies were cute. But when I found out you would bind a strap-on to them.. and do those things..

I'm sorry. I'll be haunted forever.

I.. I have to go.

[Kythia]

So I think we can both agree you're kinda, well, homely.  The phrase "hideously disfigured" has been thrown around more than once.  But I was fine with that, because every time I looked at your horrifically asymmetrical face I knew you had an excuse.  Some sort of legal get out that made the gross bumps all over your forehead not your fault.  But a few weeks ago I got to thinking - well, what if that weird weeping sore thing on your cheek isn't excusable under the laws of the land?  So I consulted the pre-eminent legal minds of the country, as you do.  We spent a lot of time reading dusty tomes of law and consulting legal precedents.  And you know what?  I was wring.  There is no lawful reason for the way your skin peels.  Here, let me spell it out for you.

You're U G L Y and you ain't got no alibi.

We're over.

[TheLegionary]

You do not give me attention, but you post a lot in the race to 1000. You off!

[Cayenne]

Dear Legionary,

I've seen how long your relationships last, and let me tell you. I'M SO IN.  You see, I have this horrible fetish about getting dumped, and reading the totally made up reasons why someone would leave such a great person like myself. It turns me on so much to think of them moving on, having wonderful lives with other people, while I wallow in the depths of self pity, with nothing but ice cream and internet pornography to get me through my days.

So yeah! Consider us dating!

And now, you've totally dumped me! See, I saved you the trouble! I've even started photoshopping you with hot new girl friends! Let me tell you, it makes you look GOOD.

UMPH..

Alright, gotta go, needs to fill.

Cay~

[TheLegionary]

Cayennes,

I must say I have been playing this game for ages and your post was one of the craziest I have ever had. I cannot live with crazy people, so I am leaving.

You know, I wish it had lasted. It was good while it lasted.

TL

[Breathless Intent]

TL, you are far too serious. I am a girl with spunk and I need giggles and fun. But you, and that sour puss look on your face....ugh, I just can't take it anymore! I tried to tickle you, I tried to tell you my funniest "Knock knock" jokes....nothing! You didn't even crack a smile. What the hell, man? Maybe put the cinder blocks down and go get a drink to loosen up. I need to go find someone who will laugh with me - Goodbye!

[Outsider]

Dear Breathless,
turned out you're not so breathless after all. I mean, yes, whenever I am with you, I can't breathe.
But that just means you should finally take a shower.


Just some friendly advice.

xoxo,
t.o

[Undeniable Sin]

T.O,
  The first time you stood in the rain, it wa breathtaking. The problem is, the puddles you leave on my carpet when you come in is not appreciated. Here's a towel, you need to move on.

[MasterMischief]

You know how they say, "It's not you.  It's me."  Well, this time, it is so totally you.

[SummerWhispers]

Well as far as Lama go you are great, but well that fact is a cannot take you to the clubs, or at least not the ones I would like to go to, the county farms ones still allow you in, but well I wish to move up to the more urban settings, so this is goodbye, I will start my search today for a new mate as I need one that is around and accommodating.

[TulipMania]

Sorry Summer, I'm more of a winter person. We just dont mesh and I'm taking the house, the dog, and your pet parakeet because they obviously love me more than they love you.

[Cayenne]

Nonsensical trivial things fill the torment of my thoughts, of dreams I'll have, and plans left to rot.  For in the beginning, you, the walking wind at my back, push me along, fuel my attract.  The breeze to cool my summer day, though as seasons change, I am not so gay.   Autumn came and Autumn went, and with it's touch, I felt you spent.  Into my heart, I yearned to feel, but when you return, my warmth you steal.  For winter as you have indicated, a blustering cold, you've reverberated.  While once upon, you guided me, now your bluster, from across chilled sea.  Your want, your need to push me back, as I will suffer from your attack.  Blow no more, into my face, for my space heater, is your replace.

Happy Winter Walking Winds, see you summer, when our love might begin~

Cay~

[Kythia]

It's killing me to write this, Cayenne.  But this is becoming too, I don't know the word, too common to ignore.  I've tried to choke it down, because everything, EVERYTHING, else is so perfect.  Hell, you even let me bring my knife to bed.  I know you don't like it, but its wonderful that you'll do that for me and, you know, let me do that to you.

It's just the way you talk, Cayenne.  It's... it's really weird.  Every time after we've had sex, you say a four word phrase.  Every time.  Sure, I guess I might sometimes. Wow, that was great or whatever, but this is every time.  Whenever we meet someone you try to describe them in two words.  Whenever someone says a word you instantly blurt out a word associated with it.  If we pass someone in the street I can tell that you are working out whether to f***, kiss or spank them.  You mutter it sometimes.  You go through the phone book muttering "submit, submit, dominate, submit" and so on.  It's weird Cayenne.  Really weird.

I'm sorry but it's too weird for me.  I'll always love you but I have to leave.

[SweetKnickers]

Kythia, you're absolutely amazing and beautiful, but I really don't think we can be together after all.

I love you very much and you're a wonderful person, but 123 plus 543 doesn't equal 666 and you keep telling me that it does. And just...
I hate that you don't understand my obsession with math! So I'm sorry, but I'm breaking up with you.

XOXO
- SweetKnickers (in which X = 24 and O = 15, thus XOXO = 129700)

[possiblejr]

     SweetKnickers you're kind, sweet, funny and stunningly beautiful, but your weird obsession with math is kinda off putting.  I shall cherish the memories of the past few months, but i'm sorry to say it's over. I do hope you shall find someone who appreciates you and your odd obsessions

        -PossibleJr