The Witch's Woe

[persephone325]

As per the vote, this story will be a blend of fantasy and comedy elements!

The premise: A witch living secretly in suburbia casts a spell to speed up the laundry, but it backfires—just in time for trick-or-treaters to deal with dancing underwear.

Turn Order
Levi
Blythe
Oreo
Kaia

*Turn order decided using random.org*

[Levi]

In a town filled with tall skyscrapers and dull grey buildings there was a famous house, it stated innocently enough the house was clearly historical and there fore couldn't be demolished. So it simply sat and watched as more and more buildings built up and up and up around it until it was almost completely covered in shadow, over time a rumour began to grow about the house being hauted. Seeing the outside this was easy to believe as it looked a state. Bordered windows and broken shutters, peeling paint and darkness seeped from every pore of the house,

Bizzarly the garden itself was very well tended and should someone dare to enter through the creeking garden gate they would observe a rather interesting selection of herbs and plants, as well as trees, and of course a section of flowers that simply looked pretty. Although looks can be deceiving.... The house however was inhabited, a rather batty young woman lived within. One of those new age hippies. Long untended hair that hung down her back held back by colourful bandanas. The woman who went by the name Roe always wore long gypsy skirts with pale coloured peasent blouses with hand knitted shawls thrown over the top.

One fateful All Hallows Eve, Roe had a lot going on, she was making sure that she had candy, just in case any trick or treaters came to the door, but she was also preparing a bit of a feast for some unusual visitors. The kind of visitors that can only been seen when the veil between the living and the dead is at its thinnest, the kind of visitors that only certain people could see..... People like Roe who just happened to be.... A Witch!

[Blythe]

Roe, while preparing a feast and making her home ready for all manner of company, both fantastical and mundane, remembered one embarrassing thing. She had, other than this one thing, made everything perfect. Enchanted and spooky talking sugar skulls, a mountain of illusory 'healthy' food that actually obscured candy¹, eerie lights coupled with shadows in all the right places, proper cobwebs littering her home, the works! Laundry, she thought to herself with not-so-mild panic. There was nothing more embarrassing in particular than the idea that one didn't have clean underwear. Chagrined and wondering how she could have possibly forgotten² and knowing there wasn't enough time to do it all with just the washer and dryer, she knew she'd have to resort to magic.

She pulled out a candle, inscribed a few runes, invoked spirits of wind and water, and asked if they would please hasten the cleaning of her clothes. A gentle breeze fluttered in her house...and Roe, satisfied her spell worked, went to finish up the last of her duties, any dirty clothing in her house floating off to the laundry room to wash themselves. But the candle? It guttered out when she wasn't looking, and that caused a not-so-tiny hiccup in her spell...


¹The most frightening thing on Halloween was the thought of eating healthy, Roe reasoned.
² Roe was a bit too devoted to her garden. What she often perceived as five minutes in there was probably closer to five hours. Leaving precious little time for laundry. You know how it is, reader.

[Oreo]

Arms, elbow deep, scrubbing the last of her pots from making her special hemlock stew, Roe sang merrily. Right up until the moment the bell rang...♪pray for the dead ♫. Instantly she stopped her rendition of Highway to Hell while the twerk of her hips to the beat ceased. With a clang she let the pot fall back into the sink.

"Why, why does someone always arrive early?" There she was soaked to the bone, as she quick shuffled to the door, tugging off the apron and wiping down her arms. A quick swipe slinging her long hair back behind her shoulders and making sure her bandana was even, breathe Roe. They will just have to understand the party wasn't for an hour yet. Roe opened the door with a flourish. The smile pasted on her face slowly slipped into a cross between a frown and exasperation.

"Hello ma'am, I'm Thomas...Tom to my friends. insert hat tip I am here to share the splendor of our newest super deluxe model triple X catalyst vacuum cleaner." With a quick flick of the wrist he tossed a handful of dirt onto the entry rug. "If I may ma'am," he edged his way past the stunned Roe and began searching for an outlet. "Ma'am, do you have an outlet?"

[Kaia]

She was pretty sure that this was not one of the guests that she was expecting, nor was it an innocent trick or treater.  A part of her knew that she should banish him from the house.  There was magic at play, and she still had to get ready for the party!  "Um, sir?  You see, I-"

He cut her off.  "Just a demonstration, you see.  You will never need another cleaning service after this!" He seemed so excited that she didn't have the heart to tell him that he needed to go.  Frustrated, she whispered an incantation under her breath to speed things up a bit.  What she didn't plan on was it working a little too well.  Before long, he was going at lightning speed, and he wasn't the only thing doing so.  Her eyes wide, she cried out as she suddenly watched her laundry come barreling in, hitting the poor man in the head!

[Levi]

The wet slap of Roe's most comfortable and least attractive pair of knickers would haunt the woman for days after, the pair of knickers even managed to flop fish like over the sales man's hair and cover his eye. Thomas raised a hand and pinched his fingers together and lifting the offending article of his head he laughed but the witch could tell it was forced. Suddenly the man's face went as white as a sheet.

"Wh.....wh what is that?!" He stammered suddenly backing towards to the door Roe turned and sure enough a large white sheet was floating eerily down the small hallway. A very girly scream sounded behind her and the woman turned again and just in time to see Thomas scrambling for the door, leaving his brand new vacuum behind!  Thank Goddess for small mercies, Roe thought to herself. As she stepped away to close the front door. The female glanced outside to see a full moon rising. The young woman had no time to dally for already her laundry was trying to push past her and into the garden

[Blythe]

The fun thing about full moons were that they brought out the strange in every situation. Thomas had been doing good all night. He really had been. He'd been dutifully trying to market this vacuum (on a holiday no less), but what happened next was wholly not his fault. The spirits had a sense of humor. The ritual Roe had done was improperly cast, and now the opposite thing was happening that Roe wanted--chaos and lengthy time-consuming messes in the cleaning of her clothes.

Thomas began to change. He began to yowl. He began to sprout black fur, and his eyes turned a peculiar looking yellow. He began to shrink. As he tried to run away at lightning speed, he found the world getting bigger and bigger. Suddenly he was on all fours. His vacuum and anything else he had clattered to the ground.

He was a cat thanks to the spirits who were less than pleased with Roe's disrespectful cutting of corners. To add insult to injury, some of the laundry that had been trying to barrel in the garden got a bit scattered, and a pair of blue underwear gently fluttered over him and covered him up in a little heap outside Roe's door. All the while the main bulk of laundry was attempting to turn into a whirlwind of shirts, pants, underwear, and socks and doing it's utmost to escape into the garden. Some of it was getting by Roe, despite her best efforts to play goalie. Soon enough several herb patches in her garden were obscured entirely by socks. And Roe, horrified, wondered how she could possibly have so much laundry?

[Oreo]

Thomas sat there for a moment, totally befuddled. He was certain the magic vacuum would fix all the homeowners problems. He tried to pinch the undergarment to remove it from his head before realizing he was staring at a perfect pair of paws. What had the woman done? This was entirely unacceptable. With a single claw he raised the pair of knickers from his head, staring at them momentarily before deciding the woman had become entirely too familiar. Roe had bewitched him.

For all the magic in the world, tonight was the most dangerous to be casting spells. Anything and everything could go wrong with all the loose spirits, not to mention the sugar rush that would commence on the stroke of midnight. There was no way for Tom to reach the doorbell, but as if answering a need the wind gusted and the door creaked open just enough for his new feline form to slip back into the house. Eyes wide as he watched the sheet that had frightened him skip toward the garden. Below the sheet was a pair of merrily dancing red shoes. The need to pounce upon them was almost ...irresistible. He followed, tail twitching in anticipation.

There she was, the first pale of the full moon casting her shadow in a macabre dance that matched her flailing limbs. Roe was frantically trying to gather the flittering laundry, but every time she reached for something it managed to elude her grasp. "Ma'am," Thomas purred, "you need to repair the spell first." what on earth was that strange sound coming from his throat? The sheet plopped next to him, shoes still tapping gleefully. "She can't hear your voice, silly. You're a cat."

[Kaia]

Shocked, she stared at the mewling creature.  This was not what she had expected, at all.  Sure Roe should have known better than to cut corners on a day like this.  Still, the damage was done.  Here was a cat in her house and she knew he had nowhere to go.  He'd have to stay until the magic wore off, if indeed it ever did.  "Okay then," she shrugged, turning away to get a bowl of water and see if she had anything for him to eat.

While she had her back turned, Thomas pounced the shoes.  To his surprise, they didn't stop their movements.  Instead they kept moving across the floor, taking him with them.   He howled, unable to get off the shoes, the sheet coming down to tangle about him.  Why doesn't she fix the spell?  The witch confused him, but he supposed that she knew what she was doing.

[Levi]

The thing was Roe didn't know what she was doing the fact of the matter was that the scatter brained young woman had never passed her final exams at The witch and warlock academy or WWA. Her tutors all had one thing to say about Roe tones of natural talent but gets distracted easily. It's the kind of report that makes parents sigh with frustration. Still Roe had left school and gone out into the world a half completed spell book in one hand and second hand broom in the other.

The witch in question located a tin of tuna for her new feline companion and proceeded to dump the contents on a saucer then turned to find that the feline was no longer in view, frowning she called out "Here kitty kitty kitty" wandering back towards the front hall tuna in hand she then took in the tornado of clothes, the dancing, mewling sheet which appeared to be running of with her favourite red shoes. On top of which a small skeleton now stood frozen just outside the gate.

The saucer fell from her hands to land with a smash on the floor adding broken crockery and tuna to the mess. A small voice emerged from the skeleton "Trick or treat!". Well Roe mused at least it wasn't a real skeleton because that was all she needed. Grabbing a bowl of candy she marched determinedly up the garden path and practically shoved the entire bowl in the child's face, little did the witch know she was starting to look a little demonic herself!

[Blythe]

While Roe was tending to the new Thom-Cat, the laundry had gotten...out of hand.¹ It had infected the garden. It had multiplied and raced out the front door. As it flew away, the neighborhood was given new apparel in the form of Roe's clothes. Trees got a few cute jackets. Trick-or-treaters were finding strange socks in their candy bags. Adults were wondering why on earth several herds of aggressive boyshorts were trying to attack a Volvo. When Roe looked up from feeding the new cat, she stared at the cat²astrophe and sighed. How was she supposed to fix this? She'd never had a ritual go this badly before!


¹By 'out of hand,' I mean 'escaped.' Really, Roe's situation is no different from your own, dear reader; hers is just...bigger. Ever lost a sock and it turned up somewhere strange? That's your enchanted laundry trying to escape.
²Get it? Get it? CAT. *nudge nudge* CAT-ASTROPHE. This footnote is to remind the reader that the author of this post has an insufferable love of puns.

[Oreo]

It seemed the faster she tried to fix things the worse they got. Thomas weaved his way between her feet, slowing her forward motion to a stand still. The little muscle beneath her left eye began to twitch as the sheet with the shoes danced around her as well. The resulting effect on the laundry slowed just a hint. Not much among all the hullabaloo, but it was a start.

"Thomas," the sheet spoke, "I can hear you, but Roe can't hear me. I need to find someone that can hear me so you can tell Roe how to fix this. Can you keep her here?"

His ears perked, "I can try, but...well...hurry back okay? This is won't be easy." He glanced up, "The shock seems to be fading and there is a strange gleam in her eye."

As if summoned by magic, an impish demon hovered over Roe's shoulder. "Well, well, what have we here? A party and no one invited me?" His voice was slick as honey. In other words bee-berish. "Oh yes, by all means, hold her still..." said as if anyone but Roe could hear him. Thomas and the sheet watched in horror. The spirit's lips were moving but they heard nothing. "Say Something," they both shouted Justin time to watch Roe open her mouth and scream. That was all the imp needed to gain entry.

[Kaia]

The imp just gripped her mouth, and stretched it even wider than it already was.  She tried screaming, but now the imp was forcing it's way down her throat, climbing further and further in.  Thomas was howling, watching as the creature crawled inside of the young witch.  Sadly, she had just became a casualty, a statistic if you will.  This is what happened when you fail all your exams and become the equivalent of a magic school drop out.

Every magic school attendee signed the dotted line, never knowing what they were risking if they were to fail.  It was an unknown risk that every young witch took in order to pursue their craft.  Roe was no different, and she was paying the price for her negligence.

[Levi]

"Now then, letzzzz see what power thizzz witch really hazz" the voice of the invading imp was completely different to Roe's own and it's s sounded more like the buzz of bees, infact Thomas found himself looking for the tiny stinging insects even though it was night time. The imp impostor raised a hand and called forth a fire ball..... It tried again, much like watching a candle splutter in the breeze a small flame flickers on Roe's outstretched hand. The imp rolled it's eyes. "Izzz that it!" Declared the imp disgusted with such low level magic.

Roe's pride swelled and her voice barged into the imp's mind and said "I'm more powerful then you think" this was a mistake, for any witch knows and I'm sure you dear reader do also never brag to a demon entity. The next thing that happen was that the tiny candle flame burst from Roe's palm flaring up like a forest fire, the imp grinned now this was more like it!  Skipping about the imp cackled mischievously as it planned it's Halloween revelry.

[Blythe]

Imps were, as diabolical creatures went, not very high on the totem pole. So while Roe was not in a good position, it would be possible to extricate herself. She had allies, even if she couldn't understand them. The sheet, however, was panicking. Sheets were, on the whole, pretty darn flammable. "Do something!" the sheet said to Thomas.

"Get water!" the sheet wailed. "I'm a cat now; I don't like water," Thomas argued. "MAKE AN EXCEPTION," screamed the sheet.

And so that was how Thomas found himself on all fours in the laundry-clad garden, dragging a hose into the house with his little cat mouth, hoping to dose the imp, Roe, the candle, and anything else that happened to be in the way.

[Oreo]

It was at that moment Thomas had the amazing, wonderful, brilliant idea to show Roe the extra features of the newest super deluxe model triple X catalyst vacuum cleaner. At least it was a wonderful idea right up to the realization he genuinely missed having opposable thumbs. If only he could attach the hose to the vacuum and switch it to carpet cleaning mode...

He slapped helplessly at the hose, and made sad eyes at the horrified sheet. "Well, sheet," she said to herself, "I hate being so exposed, but necessity breeds something or other." Two ghostly hands reached out from under the edges of the fluttering cotton and quickly twisted the hose to the vacuum. Thomas nearly screeched, "run for it, and turn on the spigot, sheet! I've got this end almost ready to blow."

Red shoes scampered from the room, out into the garden and around the hedge. Thom heaved with all his might, which wasn't much considering his new size, but just enough to flip the vacuum. In moments water showered Roe like a spring rain. Not the light kind that gets your skin misty, but the coudburst kind that drenches one to the bone.

[Kaia]

The demon didn't like that.  The water soaked it, making it scream in protest.  "Eeeeee!" It fled the witch's body, running right through the sheet.    Now covered in the sheet, the demon howled, unable to see.  Thomas ran around, looking for a way to fix things, not even thinking about the fact that Roe was laying on the floor unconscious, with a crowd showing any minute now.

The doorbell rang, and someone opened the door.  The music started, as if on cue.  Then Thomas saw something that he never in a million years that he'd seen.  Roe was standing there, ashen as if in death, head tilted at an awkward angle. 

[Levi]

"M....E......O........W!!!!!!" Thomas cried out in fear, Roe had taken on a look like a macabre skeleton her face was bright white and around her eyes were big black circles, down one cheek was a scar that had stitches placed into in. The witch leaned over the door jab and waited...Thomas paused watching his fur on end, his back arched and his tail ram rod straight. The laundry froze in its antics and silence fell over the house and then the undead Roe yelled "BOO!"

Thomas leaped in the air and raced away through the house his claws clattering across the wooden floors. The laundry took flight as well as fright, the tornado whipping itself into a frenzy. The sheet took it upon itself to try and contain the enemy flapping towards Roe like a great white fish and wrapping her within squeezing her arms and legs together almost like a straight jacket. The sheet called out "Timber" and began to topple the witch to the ground.

Once Roe was lain sprawled half in and half out of her home the sheet spoke to the red shoes that had nervously tapped danced up to them "Capture complete....what now?" But before the shoes could voice an option. The witch began to chant....an ancient and powerful spell. A spell that was barely pronounceable because all the powerful ones go that way.......It began "Hermacoulcojs frangelous"

[Blythe]

The spell, as twisty and as strange as it was, was cast correctly. Syllable after strange syllable flowed forth like all the water that Thom absolutely hated. It was a very powerful spell known as "Murphy's Mischief Managed", meant to be a counterpart to the infamous Murphy's Law that had so plagued Roe's night, so that some level of control could finally be acquired over the insane situation. It wouldn't get her out of trouble and it certainly wasn't going to fix her house, but it would at least keep things from getting worse.

Thom said, very carefully after the last syllable was uttered, "I am somewhat disappointed that I remain a cat, you know. I thought this was going to fix things." Roe said, from inside the straightjacketed sheet, "Look. I only got a C in Curse Removal when I went to school. Count yourself lucky you aren't turning into anything else."

"Could I turn into something?" asked the sheet hopefully, as existing as a sheet was quite dull, this one night excepted. "...ideally, no," Roe mumbled. "And could you let me up? I need to see how bad the house looks." Thom said, cheerfully, "Well, no matter how bad, I guarantee the newest super deluxe model triple X catalyst vacuum cleaner can help! I mean, it's already helped, right?" He wasn't giving up on making a sale tonight.

[Oreo]

And, the vacuum had indeed helped. Roe couldn't have decorated better if she had tried. The house lamps were flickering eerily. The wet laundry clung here and there to the walls and furniture as if the remnants of a surreal storm had taken place, leaving behind a haunted look that could not be fabricated by mere mortal hands. Roe sat up, looking around, as Sheet loosened her grip just a tad. She was not going to let go until she was darned certain there wasn't going to be another hellstorm.

Thom had the distinct urge to hop onto Roe's lap for a quick scritch behind the ears. It must be those beguiling eyes of hers. There was going to be some talking later about her choice of food stuffs. He wasn't at all a 'fish' lover. He much preferred roast beef and mash. In fact, the smell from the oven was tempting his nostrils at that very moment. "Sheet?" he pawed a bit at the loosening edges, "let her up. Looks like dinner's ready and the guests are arriving."

Roe stood, looking a fright. Her hair and complexion, well let's just say she was a perfect specter for a night such as this. Several of her friends were peering in the door with looks of awe on their faces. "OMG, Roe! What have you done? This is amazing!" Spoke the first to enter...

[Kaia]

Surprise flooded her features, even if she quickly banished it.  "Oh, you like it?  That's great!"  The girl pretended that it was intentional all along, greeting her guests.  A part of her was still quite frightened by the events that had just unfolded, but as more people started to show up, Roe felt herself relaxing.  It appeared that everything was back to normal, albeit in disarray.

Still, as she gazed around her home, the little witch knew that she would have given her left tit to be able to go to a party that was decked out like this one was.  A smile tugged at her lips, pleasure spreading through her frame.  She was proud, even if it wasn't her original plan.  One could suppose that the universe had a better idea, but what she did know is that she wouldn't have traded the strange events of the evening for anything in the world.