Tails of Monkey - Hey Adventure is still waiting

[Catherine]

I look up towards the guy sitting on the throne and the first thing that comes to my mind is 'Not so happy Santa that has been on a diet and has one eye.'  Okay, I tell myself as I look around and see everyone bowing down. Anyone of these guys was bigger and stronger and could easily knock this guy's stick away, laugh and announce themselves ruler.  I mean if he was stronger than he looked all they would have to do is sneak up  all ninja like on the side of his one bad eye. Anyone can see that, okay that wasn't that good of a one. Eye will look and see if I can find something better, neither of those were good either.

Okay maybe the old guy was something like a benchwarmer for thrones so the lord's rear doesn't get cold or maybe tests the throne for Booby traps. Slowly I rise up on my tippy toes to see if this lord was maybe approaching and it was,y point of view preventing me from seeing him. But no, no one was back there as far as I can tell. I move over a little and no, maybe if I move over there I can see the lord. I start to turn to head over there when suddenly I feel something on my shoulder and before I can react other than with a 'Hey' followed by a 'What the?' As I get pulled down to my knees.

"Get down, kneel for our lord." I hear one of the Norse growl.

"I can't see him past the old guy with the beard. Hey is ZZ top playing?" Excited I look around to see if I could see the other members of the band. I remember my dad playing their music and they sounded cool, heavy metal or something. My dad even showed me a shirt from one of their concerts he went to once. He would love it if I could get their autographs. I reach into my bag, not sure which member of the band it is but I have to get his autograph for dad, trying to find a pen.

Found one *click click*. Yeah found one. I will be dad's favorite daughter if I got an autograph, okay I am his only daughter but I would still be his favorite. Quickly I start to get up, "Can I get yoooo....."

I was trying to say 'Can I get your autograph?' But someone Norse put their hand on my shoulder and pulled me back down to my knees. With twin THUMPs I was down again and that was followed by "What are you doing?"

"Autograph," I say as I try to get up, "one of the members of ZZ Top is here." Of course when someone that weighs something like a bazillion times your weight, give or take a bazillion, wants you to stay down you stay down. Which is easily fixed by shouting "No means No!" Then applying the proper amount of tazing to them then after they are down shaking pointing at them with a stern look on your face and nodding just once.

"That is our lord," I heard a Norse growl, "not a member of a rock band."

"Well pooh. Dad would have loved it." With a sad thought the pen spun around my finger and back into my bag. I look back up at the old guy and I still don't see why everyone is bowing for. Yeah he has an eyepatch and that is sort of cool but you can find those anywhere, make them even. The last time I checked there wasn't  an eyepatch shortage and if all it takes an eyepatch to be a lord here, I so could be one. Give a rousing speech, stand there for a minute before dropping the Mike and then walk away. Really any pirate could be a lord if you think about it and they would have a parrot too.     

((Insert witty comment here. Something about a parrot hmmm but if I say something thrn oirstes might show up.))

[Catherine]

"You know this is hard on the knees," I whisper to the guy as I kneel there, "I know he is your lord but does he realize that all of this kneeling will cause knee problems for his subjects." I start to lose balance and wobble side to side, a little at first which is okay but not that nice. Like a little monkey earthquake the wobbling gets worse and I fall to side, trying to latch on to anything before I hit the ground.

I am careful though, latching onto mystery things can be dangerous and not for yourself either. Worse case scenario you reach out, feeling all nice and secure but you also hear a scream of 'Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!' You look down and see what it is and your cheeks turn a bright shade of red. So yeah hands go out in safety mode and find nothing safe. They did find a piece of cloth but didn't want to risk a wardrobe malfunction just in case it was a loincloth. That and loincloths don't really stop the fall, they just pause it for a moment before letting it continue and usually there is something in your hand at the end. That something usually will cause eye covering of little ones and censoring. WHOOP BANG! I hit the ground and then instantly up, dusting myself off, "Sorry about that, knees and hard floor don't go together."

With another pat of the knees I turn towards the old guy with the beard, the two Norse kneeling to either side of me. I know they were keeping their eyes on me and at a moment's notice react. Like if I went all spit and hiss, as I jumped towards the beard I would be stopped in midair by a large pair of hands and if lucky not made into a ball. That and they are huge, look at me standing in between them. I look so small and adorable. Okay I added that last piece in but still.

"Hi," I say with a friendly wave and a little laugh, "I come in peace." I have so been wanting to say that, I told myself as I inner laughed and marked it off the  list. Now I got this and this and these other things to do . Not sure where I am going to find a polar bear at this time of the year?

The old man just stood there and it was kind of hard from where I was standing to see if he blinked. Nothing! This got me wondering so I stared, what if this was the lord but not really. What if he replaced himself with a dummy with an imposter. Knees out spread apart and hands gripping the end of the throne. So imposing, it would send chills down my back if he wasn't  fake.

I look up, yeah it has to be a fake. Eyes well eye  still hasn't moved. Then my eyes dart to his chest to see if it was fake, thanks to the beard though it is hidden. So maybe fake or maybe real. The only other thing I can think of doing is run up to the lord and stick a small mirror right under his nose to see if it fogs up if he breathes. Really doubt if they would let me do that though. Maybe I need to press a button like those presidents in that one place, all animatronic and everything. Just starring lifelessly forwards until the button is pressed, then they talk and still not blink. I look around, if the lord is animatronic the button is nearby. It had to be! Quickly I elbow one Norse,  "Where is the button?""

The Norse just gave me a look and answered back, "There is no button."

"Then how do you start him speaking!" I motion back towards the lord with a nod..

The Norse gave me another look before answering, "He speaks when he wants to speak."

"So... That makes it interesting, never expected it," nodding once and no lord.

Out of nowhere a deep voice can be heard coming from everywhere. It starts as teasing, where it could be coming from anywhere, "Sit down!"

Okay I can do that



((Note to any reading - I burped the other day and posted out of order. This is fixing that burp))

[Catherine]

I don't drop to the ground like gravity has kicked in and I am like hundred times heavier. Struggling to stand until my leg muscles cry and just give out and I just fall to the ground with a THUMP! No I sort of just sit down crossed legged, my tail looking over my shoulders as I slowly rock back and forth. Which is a lot more comfortable than kneeling. I can see that the two Norse are sort of sweating as they kneel there, they are definitely going to be hurting when they get up. Unless they practice kneeling of course. Waking up they kneel for like an hour on a board made of metal then at the end of the day before they go to bed they kneel with like a sheep on their shoulders, you know because of the whole sheep and sleep thing. It promotes restful sleep I hear, counting sheep not the whole sheep on shoulders thing. That would hurt and be kind of strange, especially if you were talking over the phone.

"Hey what are you doing?"

"Holding up my sheep. Why?"

"Okay I am going to hang up now. You know you could have let me go to voicemail right, until after you got done?" Followed by the sound of a phone hanging up.

"What? I am just..."

What happens if you hold up a black sheep? Would you have nightmares? Then there different kinds of breeds of sheep.

"Wow I just got my Himalayan fluff muffin in the mail. I hear that if you hold one up you can't stop smiling and you can see air."

"Yeah I got my Brazilian nutmeg last week. I have been waking up  all caffeinated now."

Would there be a black market for fake sheep? Where they wrap maybe pigs or pugs in a bunch of fuzz and pass them off as sheep. People would be so desperate for a sheep fix that we wouldn't give the fakes a second look, even ignoring the oinking or persistent heavy breathing. There would be PSAs going over how to tell  the difference between a real sheep and a fake one.

"Does your sheep have a snout! Does it like to wallow in the mud? If so, your sheep is a fake! The wool has been pulled over yours eyes!"

"Does your sheep breathe really loud all the time and sounds like it has asthma? Does it have really small legs, abnormally small legs? If so your sheep is fake! You have been pugged!"

"Have you always wondered why your sheep looks completely different than other sheep. You always wondered why yours has really long ears or even scales. The person you bought it off of said it was a special breed and you believed them. A special breed alright a faux pig!"

"This is a sheep. This is not a sheep. Any questions?" Okay that is more of a visual  one, imagine a sheep and something that isn't a sheep and that might help.

Of course the government would try to regulate the sheep. Performing raids on places that might be selling fake ones or selling them to minors. There would be laws passed limiting the usage of sheep. Sleeping be taken underground or done in the safety of bedrooms with the curtains close so nobody seeing you sheeping.

There would be a shortage and warnings would go out about sheep conservation. Which would be ignored of course because there is always sheep until the last sheep is held up. White fluffy dark days ahead. People would try to hold up other animals but nothing will be found that comes close. Yes yaks are sort of close but not really.

Where...where was I ? Oh yeah old guy with the beard. Let me look what I have written.... Mhmmmm.. Okay got it. Back to ZZ top.


((Let’s try this again))

[Catherine]

I do the whole looking up thing followed by looking around just to see what has happened. Not seeing anything really, I thought the one go over there would have fallen by now. He looked a little wobbly before the whole sheep thing but no he is hanging in there. The beard is just sitting there still, doing what beards do best which is um..... well beard things. You know this and that and those other things.

"Question," I say raising my hand as continue to rock back and forth. Now I didn't hear a gasp or anything but I swear I heard air being sucked in for a moment, felt I think too. Is it against Norse law to ask questions?

Look at the old man I could see his eyes moving I think and focus right on me. I will tell you this it felt like someone took a whole thing of encyclopedias, oops I might have to describe what those are since they have gone extinct. An encyclopedia is a big book that is really heavy and collects a lot of dust. Also when you find one there will be others. All heavy as the others and fill with things that will make you yawn and fall asleep as you read them. I will tell you this, libraries don't like people falling asleep and drooling into encyclopedias. Like anyone reads what is in the 'X' encyclopedia. Phppt...

Okay it felt like they took a bunch of encyclopedias and put them right on top of my head, telling me I have to balance them. So not pleasant and I do the one thing that comes natural, smile.

This must have thrown the old man since all of the encyclopedias off of me. The one Norse to the right of me said that they had caught me in the armory. Caught? Okay there was that whole throw the monkey girl over the shoulders thing so I guess caught is good enough.

"I can explain that," I say with a nod as my arm came down, "I sort of was kicked and wandered here with some film negative elves. Who are just outside I think." I stopped and looked around scared when I heard a gasp race around the room, "Did I say something wrong? "

"Explain the elves to us," I heard that booming voice say again.

"Well um..." I starred to answer as I looked around for the source of the voice , "dark skin and white hair. Like film negatives of elves, opposite other than the ears. Oh and I don't think they were tree huggers unless they did that in private."

The booming voice boomed, "Dark elves!"

"I guess you can call them that but it doesn't sound too pc though." I expected the booming voice to respond but nope. Nothing but the silence crickets and I was so close to finding the source. I think it was that one guy over there.

"Hello?"

((Crickets....))

[Catherine]

Okay did I just say something wrong, I close my eyes for a moment and review the last few minutes in my head.

*click mental remote*

You know everything looks funny when played in reverse. Down, up, back, down, pulled up and hop onto a Norse shoulder. Okay this look like a good time.

*click mental remote*

Okay, I a, not seeing anything. No slapping anything. No breaking of anything that is fragile and shouldn't have been sitting within each. No insulting of anyone by accident. Wait..... no, no insulting by accident. There was a moment that I thought but no, there was nothing. So why no answer from the booming voice?

Curious I look around. Did someone accident pull the cord and they are scrambling to get things hooked back up, just out of view?  Not seeing anything though. No wires or people scrambling.

"Hello!"

Silence crickets answered me at first and I was just about to ask one of the Norse if maybe they could speak. I mean it would be nice or was this part of some thing. Bring somewhere here and show them an old guy, do a booming  voice and as soon as the person says something go quiet, kind of odd but hey if that is what Norse do it sort of explains things sort of....

"Hello?"

Again no booming voice or anything. This is getting kind of weird in not a good way. I mean no one is moving or answering. The only thing that would make this weirder is some kind of echoing or heavy breathing coming from somewhere. I think if I go up to a Norse, I could push him and he would fall over. Thump thump and nothing else. T is getting to the point of a nervous laugh as I walk backwards, step by step  with glisten forming on my brow, towards and out the door.

Third time is the charm, I heard someone say once so I guess..... "Hello? If no one answers I am going to leave because this is getting creepy and no means no. Not sort of maybe and this whole thing is a no in my book. Even a 'hey we are having technical difficulties' is fine. I just need to know because this feels like I am being punk'd and it wasn't thought out to well. Let's bring the girl into the room and do a booming voice twice and then go silent. She will get all nervous and it will be funny. Yeah I a, saying no."

In an instant I am up, "I will give you to the count of three, well counting backwards from three to maybe even flash a light or beep. Something at least because this yeah.... Okay, three two and one." I look around, you know benefit of the doubt, "and one!" Nothing just silence crickets.

I start to turn and I hear a booming cough, finally!


((Okay where am I ?))

[Catherine]

I sort of expected to see maybe someone dressed in black scurrying into the shadows after fixing whatever just happened or maybe setting up a new microphone but no. All I see is the old man with beard sitting on a throne, his one eyed glowing. He has to be a prop, I tell myself since he has yet to move. I am pretty sure if I took measurements and did calculations I would get the same ones that I would have gotten the same ones if I did or took them when I had entered.

"Listen I got things to do and it was nice that your Norse carried me here so I didn't get stuck in the mud but yeah. I need to get going, I have a mount to find and before anyone says anything, no I don't want to be mounted. I would clash with the walls and more importantly the decor. Once you anger an interior designer things can happen like pillows not going with what they are sitting on and everything . Especially with the wide mouth surprised look that I would have,"

The booming voice boomed, "I was checking on these film negative elves that you mentioned."

I half turned and pointed with a hand, "They are in that direction I think. Just wandering around and being sneaky. They said they are looking for the armory but really I think they are lost. Maybe tourists, didn't see any cameras or foldable maps."

"You are correct, they are here for the armory," the voice boomed which got a gasp from everyone kneeling. Looking around I could see some wanting to stand but waiting for a command. "They will never find it though."

I cocked a brow, interest was piqued since nothing happened in the last couple minutes but the booming voice was sure that the film negative elves would never find the place they are looking for. Unless whoever screwed with their gps, changed the wiki on the armory or something similar it wouldn't be that hard to find. Look for a building surrounded by mud and you got it.

"Hey guys foogle is saying the armory is just past the geysers of lava in the middle of the volcano. We would have never have found it without using the internet. I would have stuck it in the village but no the Vikings put it in a volcano, how tricky." 

Unless the booming voice just told them, you know the whole giving the whole voice of God effect. Boom boom, "I know you are looking for an armory and think you found  but you haven't. The building you are looking at is full of clowns, spooky clowns with seltzer bottles, honking noses and big shoes. Not things that go in armories. If you go in you will suffer from the curse of the white face and you will wake up in the middle of night screaming covered in sweat because you think you are being chased by clowns. You don't want that. The armory is over that way, I will be nice and set a couple bushes on fire for you to follow.  You can thank me later." Boom boom.

"Okay," I say a little nervous, "I am hoping they don't get hurt though."

The voice booms, "Can't promise anything. All I can say is that they will not be showing up at the armory."

"Should I ask why?"

Boom, "Best not. You know just in case you are asked later. The whole innocence thing."

"What? That isn't good. They really shouldn't be hurt."

"Kidding," the booming boomed. "I think. Well I know since I am Odin. Best to say that they will not be showing up at the armory and just leave it at that."

I do the whole nervous laugh while considering bolting for the door. Knowing my luck at the moment the door will be locked and I will forget how doors and locks work. Standing there just jerking and pushing on e door crying, "Why isn't this working?"  Forgetting to flip that little switch on the doorknob to unlock the lock.

"Okay, Odin" I say looking around trying to find a person that looks Odinish and seeing no one close. There is one that looks Earlish and another that looks sort of like A Fjord, who I wouldn't want to cross but no Odin."Could you show yourself? The whole voice thing is nice but you know the whole voice thing. It feels well sort of well it feels...."

Boom boom, "I am have been sitting in front of you the whole time."

"What the audio animatronic on the throne?" I ask taking a step forward toward the old man with the beard.

"Yes, I have been relaxing and judging you." The booming said as the old man slowly   stood up, the lone red eye still focused right on me.

Jaw hits the ground, okay in my mind it does and not actually  since that would hurt and if my jaw dislocated that much I would need to go to the hospital.

"Holy Magic King... Fiefdom!" Whew that was a close one, caught myself at the last moment. I have heard stories and none of them had a happy ending or singing small animals if Mr. Yellow buttons sends his lawyers after you.


((Do you hear that? The strange laughter... it is yellow buttons!!!))

[Catherine]

I just stand there amazed, I mean I think anyone would really. An animatronic that could stand. Eat your heart out hall of American leaders, four score and all robotic like. Who knew that Vikings were this far advanced in animatronics . I would have never have thought  that by looking around the village; mud, sticks and nature. None of those really scream what I am seeing in front of me, I think it is emoting a little in a way animatronics do, but even better.

My eyes drop, I can't let the Norse know that I am looking for wires and people in the shadows operating 'Odin'. I am not seeing any wires and I am pretty sure I would have seen some when it took a step forwards. There is no way you can hide them then, that is why the ones in ears kingdom don't move. Yeah there is a way they could hide them but the whole thing about unplugging themselves would always hang on the minds of their operators.

'The cherry tree has been chopped. I repeat the cherry tree has been chopped. We have a bunch of school kids coming in and Washington has gone dark. Scramble alpha team wooden teeth.'

Or even worse, once they unplug it brings the 'have no strings' theory up. A theory that is easily explained by Pinocchio and not the ears version. Once the strings are cut will the animatronic go rogue and I am pretty sure they don't want to utter 'someone get the darts, franklin is using the kite in unsanctioned ways on a kid.' Would darts even work?

Then there is the whole dinosaur world thing, the wires could actually  be the fences in a way. Kind of hard to forget what happened over and over when the fences went down. You would think they would learn after the first time. When the fences go down, there will be a lot of screaming and running. Don't make it easy for the power to go down! Hand would have went to face if they thought it would be good to have the power turn on and off with one switch. The whole 'what does this switch do?' would have gone really dark. Maybe the first flip would have been funny, "hey we have a brontosaurus wading through the bumper boats" but when the flip goes "hey where did the really hungry t-Rex go? Didn't we leave her over CRUNCH!" Redundancies need to be in place when things that can nom you are included. Not just one or two, I am talking a ridiculous eye rolling amount of them.   You will breathe easier. I don't want to think about about the walkway of leaders doing that, visitors running as the leaders go on a rampage. One visitor interviewed later saying the only reason she escaped was because the leader had really short arms.

No wires and by the look of things no handlers in dark suits either. This isn't good, there always needs to be one of those. I don't want to be seen on 'When animatronics go bad.' I just don't, once you have been urked by one animatronic you don't want a repeat. Long story and one that I... I just wanted to touch the elf in the Christmas display. How would I have known that it would have turned around and I would have been surprised and there would be a lot of struggling. That still haunts me to this day and whoever came up with elf on a horizontal surface thing must be... Why does it have to look like that? It could have looked like any other elf but no it has to look like.... all I could do is shake a point when I first saw those and it doesn't help that my big brother found out and.... I drop my head for a moment remembering those dark days. The Christmas of [insert year] was a nightmare, everywhere I went there it was. I try to change the channel and there was the elf sitting on the remote control. I go get sone ice cream and there was the elf staring at me. All along I could hear is my brother laughing.

Nervous,  I look around and can see that no one else is picking up anything of the bludgeoning sort to stop Odin as it reaches for me. Isn't there a rule or something? I mean it is getting close and it could lunge out with a hand and shake me about  like the elf did. Wasn't there a rule set after that, I thought there was or hope there was.

Closer and closer the animatronics hand came and I close my eyes. Yeah I know that isn't the best thing to do but I was frozen in place. Closer and closer. There was only one thing I could do, initiate the fainting protocol.

*reach for button and slam my hand down on it.*

You aren't getting me animatronic.  I learned from the elf!

((When the animatronics go wild the machines will take over. Well they will be cute looking at least.))

[Catherine]

I lay there trying to get away from the elf. No matter where I go there it is with its little smile and red hat. I don't know how it is doing it but it but it is sitting there waiting for me like it knows where I am going before I know.

Can it read my mind? With that smile and the look in its eyes I can't tell. So I try to test it by sending it a dirty thought to see if I can get a reaction. I think, my brother's shoes stink and I have seen flies faint as they try to fly over them and nothing. Next dirty thought, Brussel sprouts aren't tiny cabbages no matter what someone says. I know that isn't dirty for a lot of people but they are tricky little things. Looking like one thing luring you in so you accept them and then WHAM! Don't taste anything like what they look like. The only way I can describe how they taste is Brussel sprouts, there is nothing else to compare to them and there is no 'hey this taste like this' moments. They simply taste like something dirty. Again no reaction, but how does the elf know where I am going?!?!

Everywhere I go there it is, smiling and staring. Judging me in a way, all because I just wanted to touch it and maybe get its autograph. I think I even said "hey" and  I didn't expect for it to turn around and grab me by the throat. The rest of it was... hey you would struggle to if you were being strangled and accidentally kick and well.... many kids were screaming when the elf's head went flying. After that I had an elf on my back and no matter what couldn't get it off.

Maybe it put a tracker on me, shaped like a Christmas ornament or something. They do it with wild animals and I sort of look like one after I get out of the shower before brushing my hair. I have yet to find one though"

"Get away, that hat and smile is..... don't you have to help Santa," I say bolting upright in bed, thankfully no elves in sight. Oh my monkey there is..... no thankfully it was something else. Whew elf free.

* imaginary thumbs up*


((Santa’s elves... now we know what they do after Christmas.))

[Catherine]

You wake up from a dream where you are being chased by a elf, what do you do? If you say lay back down and lose yourself in the big comfy bed, you haven't had an elf dream before. Once you have one of those, with those big smiles and weird neon technicolor wardrobe you will dread having them and therapists will give you a look when you tell them about it, clicking their pen before writing something down. Pulling your tail telling you the dreams aren't that bad, I just wish they consider taking the bells off of their hats. I am just about to zzzz..... DING!

I do run down the necessary steps that need ran down when waking up in a bed when you weren't in it when you passed out. One look under the sheets to see... whew still have my clothes on. Other than my shoes of course. Sometimes people think if a person faints it is standard first aid to remove all of their clothes. I will tell you this, if I wake up in a strange bed with no clothes on I will faint again. I pull out the manual and flip through it. Flip. Flip. What to do when cornered by a hamster. I can think of a couple things. Flip. Water, it is more than just wet. Okay.... Flip. Flip. Fainting, what not to do.

See, it says right here. *point* I clear my throat, "It isn't necessary to remove a fainter's clothes. Loosen them maybe, especially if their face was turning colors and they were gasping for air but removal no! That isn't necessary." Close manual and put away.

The second thing to do is to look to see if you are strapped down. I am not sure why that happens. Maybe it is a safety precaution, we have a fainter strap her in so she doesn't get hurt if she faints while she is out. It is easy to check really, jerk on your arms & legs and see if there is any resistance or look for the tale tell signs of straps. Which if you know where to look are easy  to spot unless they are covered by pillows, comforters or in some weird instances stuffed animals. I look to the bed's four corners for the signs, straps wrapped around the bed posts and don't see anything. I lightly tug my arms and legs, not meeting any resistance either. So no straps.

The third thing is usually checked off when you check for the second thing and I saw this in a movie. Well woke up at that moment and passed out when I saw what was happening. That is logs, wood, bricks or anything hard between the legs, usually down by the ankles. It says nothing about placing anything between the ankles when a person faints and it definitely didn't say anything about the use of hammers or mallets being used to wake the person up. A gentle shake will usually work also the words 'Get the mallet dear, this one is a heavy sleeper' or any combination of words dealing with sleeping and heavy objects. Someone placing their foot on my ankle and swinging a hammer back like they are about to hit a croquet ball will wake me up with a lot of wide eyed pointing and asking 'What is that for?' Nothing hard down between the ankles and as far as I can tell that there are no large hammers laying about.

What else is there, check to see if something is hiding under the bed? Which is easily done by jumping up and down on the bed. You see for some reason people like to look to see if there is anything hiding under the bed knowing full well something would be hiding there or In the closet. I prefer the jumping up and down method to the face to face with something I don't want to come face to face with. Although it is weird to hear "Oof!" every time I jump. Oh and the closet, slide chair under the doorknob. It is actually funny to hear whoever it is in there trying to get out, doorknob rattling and asking to be let out, which becomes frantic banging and begging when you mention you saw spiders in the closet. But since I am in a mystery bed I will pass on that.

I guess the only thing left is to call out saying I am awake, hoping that a wolf in really old retro pajamas doesn't answer.

"Hello I am awake."


((Dream elves...))

[Catherine]

The person who entered the room moments later was not what I expected, well not in a Norse village. You see everyone in a Norse village have that general look of well how can I say this.... stocky and unkept. Um natural in a nature sort of way. Not that is bad or anything, if you are into that stuff. The whole running a hand through my hair  and finding a small animal is not my thing and looking at the guy walking into the room I was pretty sure it wasn't his either.

Unlike the other Norse this guy was lanky and well kept, a friend to soap. I sniff the air, lavender I think. The others were friends of dirt and I am pretty sure  stink bomb used skunks as deodorant. Maybe it made him feel more manly, all I know is it made my eyes water and my nose begging for me to put a clothes pin on it. This guy was clean cut and everything, he might have had a mani/pedi today too.

"My father sent me to watch you, " the man said as he approached. Giving me a smile that said a lot more than a smile should say and what it was saying sent a chill racing down my spine in a nit a good way. Alarms and sirens went off in my head. Something was up with guy, he was to clean and well kept to, to be living with Vikings unless he was some sort of scientist and he immersed himself in the culture, like that one did with the gorillas. Living with them trying to be accepted into their society, learning their secrets. Even naming them even though they have names.

"I have named this one long beard. He is the leader of this family."

"Greetings, My name is Steve not long beard."

"Sure it isn't long beard. The natives are already revolting we may have to break out the tranquilizer guns."

"I can understand you, you know and my name is Steve. What is this about tranquilizers?"

"Ah the natives are feigning intelligence. Maybe I should reward them with something, this inflatable ball will amuse them. They will probably think it is filled by magic."

"Feigning? I would like you to know that I was top of my class and this inflatable ball is not amusing!" POP!

"Your father? You mean the animatronic? You don't look anything like him?"

The man laughed, "The animat, oh oh yeah he does sit on the throne a lot and I am his half son."

"Well that explains somethings."

"My name is Loki," the man said with a little bow and I knew why he felt off now, I have seen the movies. He was a fart head.

((Okay I saw him in a movie. This should be easy.))

[Catherine]

I just sat there giving him the look, eyes partially closed and sort of squinting as I watched him come closer. Yeah I know what you are going to say, but monkey you should not read a book by its cover. I am not, trust me there. I looked at too many divers on books on covers and go wow what is in this will be amazing and after a few words and numbers find out it is like math or something. All I can do is there and be confused, the cover had really cool special effect stuff on it and now I am trying to figure out the square root x+y -c. Those are letters not numbers, why would anyone need to do math with letters for? That is what spelling is for...

So yeah squinting and keeping my eyes on Loki, best thing to do. Come on I think this guy invented the original whoopie cushion!

"My father put me in charge of your care after your fell,"  Loki said stopping only a couple steps away from me. With a smile on his face that made other smiles nervous and me shiver..

"Oh um... yeah I am fine. Just overwhelmed that is all." That sounds good, don't tell him that I took evasive actions so I wouldn't be strangled by a possible animatronic.

"That is good, here let me help you up."

I start to reach for Loki's hand and stop, wait a second would he.... I can picture it in my head. I reach, my hand takes his and ZAP! The ole 'let me help you with a joy buzzer in the hand' technique. Standard trickster thing really, yawn boring. Lure you in with a false sense of security and the next thing you know you are taking a rubber chicken to the side of your head or a fish. I don't recommend a fish, you would be picking scales out of your hair for days especially if it was a larger fish. I look down at Loki's hand to see if I can see any signs of a joy buzzer, silver ring around the middle finger, easy to spot. I hear Loki asking what is wrong. "Oh nothing, just admiring your hands. Nails are done and no calluses, not like the others. They have calluses with calluses. "

"Thanks," Loki said flipping his hand around to look at his nails. At least I think he did but I was looking for joy buzzer, my eyes darting to Loki's hand and then across his fingers. Nothing shiny and is that a decoder  ring?

"All of them are so common," Loki nods, "wallowing in the mud and everything."

I raise a brow, interesting choice of words as I take Loki's hand, "I don't know what to say." I know first time for everything.


((Don’t trust the low key.))

[Catherine]

Does he think he is better than the others, flies through my mind as I take his hand. Yeah I know I am hearing everyone yelling at me, "What  are you doing monkey, joy buzzer in the hand!" But my tail signaled me under the sheets that it has been preparing for anything shocking. How it did that I don't know.  I am simply trusting it but I do quickly look down to see if I can see anything, you know a copper wire running to something as a ground or maybe it was carrying some type of buzzer storage device. Loki would be buzzing and nothing and with a laugh I can pull the sheet away revealing the storage device with some type of meter on the side that shows it slowly climbing, "Keep buzzing we can take it all. Oh wait a second we are almost full can you maybe you know stop." Oh or.... My tail whips the covers away as Loki reaches for my hand revealing tons of double A batteries wired together. Before Loki can react it lurches forwards and ZAP! Preemptive ZAP to teach the god of lies or something what it feels like.

None of that happens of course, I am not in the mood for the preemptive zapping really. To pull that off correctly you have to keep zapping the person as they fall to the ground, laughing maniacally as you do. That might not give a good impression I think. Yeah they would remember me, whispering as I walk by, "She is the one that zapped Loki and made his hair stand up, yeah it is fashionable and he doesn't have to use any styling gel but still. Did he want vertical hair?

Loki's hand was cold and clammy, if I had to describe what it felt like I would say try and squeeze a giant slug. It was like that, I know Loki has bones in his hands. Kind of hard not to really but all I felt was slugginess, minus those eye stalks thumping against my hand or slug lips on my skin. *Shiver* There would have been no way to hide a nervous laugh and glisten if I felt either of those. A definite hand jerk away, scream and "What was that!" moment as I shake my hand and pull out moist towelettes to clean it. You can't be to careful with slugs or slug like feeling things, things can happen if you are lax with slug or slug like feeling things, dark things.

Slug hand and up, I take a moment and catch myself after the first step or two.

*Ninja art of that is a nice painting so I can clean my hand off technique. *

Motioning with my head towards a painting hanging on the far wall, "Nice painting of a kitten. I never expected to see it here though." As soon as Loki turned  to look at the painting I pull out a moist towelette and wipe my hand.

"It is a nice one but it isn't a kitten though. A common mistake really, it is a pack of wolves attacking a lone deer." Loki says with an approving nod.

Alarmed I look up and actually look at the painting as I stash the towelette somewhere. "Oh yeah, now I see it. They really captured the whole circle of life with that." Okay someone forgot to consult with an interior decorator with that, wake up and see bloodshed? Ick! Yeah no, kitten or a landscape any day. I look around the room and see more questionable interior decorator decisions and they all feel like they are looking at me. No matter where I go I get the feeling that they would be looking at me; bear rug, stuffed ram head and whatever that thing other there on the shelves is. No way could I wake up to these everyday, once is enough. Unfortunately I can imagine myself waking up and giving everything a tired wave, "Hey guys I am up are you going to blink today?" Don't want to start that and I will scratch it off my bucket list, 'Wake up in strange room with things looking at me' scratch.....


((Scratch....))

[Catherine]

"So you are the brother of stin....I mean Thor," I say quickly correcting myself as I try to fake out the stuffed ram head. Jerk to the right and its eyes follow me. To the left and its eyes follow me. No matter what I do they follow me..

"Brother by name only, not by blood. Much like monks call each other brothers,  Loki answered as he checked his fingers, "anything else would be insulting. He never tends to himself and bathing. Bathing!  That is one word I have never heard cross his lips. Maybe bring me more of the frothy stuff in the big metal cups but bathing bah. I think he has a secret fear of soap bubbles, bubblephobia or something like that. Oh the mighty warrior scared of a little soap and water.

Don't start me with the hammer too. Overcompensating I think. Fear my mighty hammer!"

I take a step back getting a distinct impression of dislike from Loki and when it gets to the level that I was sensing, things happen. Sharp objects start to get thrown about and I didn't want to find myself with fewer body parts than I started out with. Then I would have to attend one of groups, Limbs lost due to grrrrrrr anonymous.

"Hi my name is Nichole. I lost this and this. Oh yes I forgot I can't point because that is missing. Anyways I am Nichole and I was too close when a god threw a tantrum.

"Hi Nichole..."

I guess he could throw a tantrum but he is like how old? Old enough not to throw a tantrum. If he throws one I will poke him with something.

"Then there is the all mighty Odin,"  Loki started to say and stopped him mid sentence.."okay I am going to guess you have problems with Odin too."

"I might," Loki  answered

Hmmmmmm.........

*idea bulb goes boink*

Think I might have something..... mwhahahaha


((Ideas....))

[Catherine]

I thought it was an idea bulb going boink but owwwww...........  It was actually me stubbing a toe on the claws of the bear rug. Ow..... why?????? I mean why didn't whoever take the claws off the bear rug...... There is no reason to keep them on it unless you wanted a tripping hazard or maybe wanted a hidden bottle opener.

"Hey you look thirsty and I have this bottle of pop I can offer you, but there is no bottle opener."

"Don't worry about it,  I can just lean over and......" pffffffttttt followed by glug glug and glug.

Other than that there is no reason, yeah you can point and say you killed it but really? Scary you killed a defenseless rug oooooooooo....... fear the mighty hunter. Tell us how you hunted it down and it took days because it hide in a rug factory."

If it wasn't gross I would stick my toe in my mouth but uh no ick. So all I can do is hop around and with Loki standing there with an amused look on his face. "You know that is a tripping hazard," as I continue to hop around, "and it should have a sign for being one. Someone could get hurt or stub their toe on it."

What I get for a response is a laugh and I respond with a I am not Norse so I don't have that sixth sense for detecting bear claws. Although I hear they are tasty, shoot wrong ones. I still don't have a six sense for them, just for banana milkshake in my hands.

"Banana milkshake sense tingling. I detect a straw nearing my lips. Oh look I am right." All without a turban or a full body costume with webs all over it. Red is so not my color anyways, bulls tend to rush me when I am wearing it. Almost like I have a target on me.

"It isn't proper bedroom decoration, " I say pointing towards the rug that is starring at me. "How can anyone sleep with it in here? It looks like it is going to attack at any moment."

Loki shrugged, " It is the way of my people. When a child reaches the age of two seasons they most go out into the woods and hunt a bear."

"Say what?"

The room was filled with laughter,  "Joking....."

"You are a butt. Take me to Odin before I get my foot stuck in the rug's mouth!"

((Stupid rug))

[Catherine]

Loki chuckled, "Fine let's go see father." I nod, standing there waiting for Loki to show the way. There is no way that I was going to walk in front of him for any number of reasons. One being the whole foot to my butt thing that has been happening a lot recently. Why I don't know but it has.... it is almost like my butt has become,a soccer ball in a way and I don't like that.  It gives a person a complex after the first half a dozen times.

I have been tempted to ask whenever someone asks me to bend over or look at that thing over there to actually ask where I would be going. It has become common enough now so it might sound odd at first but once I explained things a person would  understand.

"Where are you going? Why are you asking that for?"

I pull out a nicely drawn chart and with a pointer explain the theory that might be presented to scientists some day. A theory just as important, depending on who you ask, as the one for gravity and it didn't need any apples falling on a person's head to come with if.

*begin mumble* just a lot of foots to my rear. Oops need to add the legal stuff. No rears were hurt in the process of this whole thing. Well one was sort of maybe but still an excuse was given in the name of science! *end mumble*

I will have to use that excusebetwee later when I am eating cookies. Cookie crumbs covering me and in mid nom, the whole hand in the cookie jar moment.

"What are you doing young lady?"

With cookie in mouth and banana milkshake the proper distance away I answer, "It is in the name of science!" Continue nom with other half and chew. Oh and since it is in the name of science, the calories don't count. Science is amazing!

The second reason is signs placed on back. I mean look who would be walking behind me. I bet he already has one made up too and is just waiting... Probably a 'Kick Me' which is the standard and actually helps prove my theory to a more Viking one filled with lines and angled ones. With those you always have people asking you what it means.

Usually the sign is applied in one  of two ways. Ninja like and you aren't aware of it until there is pointing and laughing or you receive a kick to the rear. Then it is too late, the other person probably used a ninja smoke bomb to escape and you thought it was a fog coming in. The second way is the  smack  on the back, followed by a "Good Job!" You stumble forward oblivious to the newly acquired sign on your back.

As you can see both are very good reasons why I shouldn't walk in
front of Loki. There is third and that is ' I will let you walk in front of me just in case', which is used by some adventurers to find any unexpected traps. 

"After you," I say with a smile. I shouldn't lead anyways, I don't  know the place.
  I  would have to use the speaker to reach him.

"We have a spill in six,  Loki please come to aisle six and bring a broom,"


"After you..." I say with a swing of the arm. Monkey one, Loki zero.


((It isn’t like I am keeping score, but one to zero ))

[Catherine]

All I can think of is 'Who is the interior designer?' and not for a good reason. I was weirded out by the bedroom but okay that is nothing compared to what I was seeing now. I take a step and freeze, looking at everything that is looking back at me. Come on tell me you aren't a little weirded out and be honest. I mean look at the stuffed heads, well I think most are heads. That one over there is questionable,I haven't been able to find the eyes on it and all I see is cheeks. I guess that is a good thing since it gives me a little relief of that feeling of being watched. Not that it helps really I mean look at the hallway"

"Okay why?"

Loki turned a looked, "Why what?" I answer with pointing and that is about probably could have answered with words but I think the pointing captured what I was trying to say. Well I hope it was, I mean I could point frantically and added a nervous laugh but that could have said the wrong thing. Nervous laughs usually do that.

"Oh those, yes my 'brother' likes to hunt and these are his trophies. Poor things they never stood a chance really and it isn't because he is a good hunter. He is but the reason they didn't stand a chance is because he stands behind trees or other thing, waiting until something passes before hitting it over the head with his hammer. I guess you can call it hunting but it doesn't take too many skills to play hide and go seek with something that doesn't know you are playing."

Loki stopped and looked up at one, shaking his head. I am not sure what it was though, some type of weird polar bear and ram mix.  I could imagine getting chased by one, frantically waving my hands telling everyone to get out of the way. When whatever it is finally corners me it stands up on two legs and I gulp, "Not good." All I can do is stand there looking up as it reaches around with its arms and gives me a bear hug that pops every bone in my back and even ones that I didn't know I had. Then just to add insult to injury it head buts me just because it can. Which would be annoying, getting the breath squeezed out of me as I try to gasp for air I get head butted.

I could try the manual and find out what the pola.... ram uh ramlar.....well maybe ummmm that sounds stupid too. Somebody should have thought this out really, mixing animals together just because you can with no consideration of whoever has to make the name is just wrong. 

"I am hoping the whole place isn't like this," I say as I start to walk forwards.  My eyes darting from one set of eyes to the next, nervously. One of these is going to start jerking from side to side and start singing I know it. I have seen the singing fish and they look fake. Did that one move its mouth? Did someone just clear their throat?

"There are less heads yes but there are still heads. In some of the rooms. People like to hunt here and display their trophies where ever want."

"But this is a bit much, I think some are still drooling."

Loki laughed with that, "Father only has one and is right behind these set of doors
."

If it gets me out of this hallway of stares, yes I am ready. What is the worst that can happen really?"

"You don't want to know."

"Uh??????" I don't think I want to know, let's talk to the 'father' and not worry anymore about the strange looks you are getting from the everyone. I have gotten them before and I handled them using the tongue out technique, it has always worked before but this time my monkey senses are telling me differently, best to trust them especially when my tail taps me on the shoulders motioning me to move.

"Let's go see Odin."

((About time...))

[Catherine]

"Be my guest," Loki says as he leans against the wall and for a moment I freeze. The last time I heard someone say that, they broke out in a song and dance routine. So I was looking for any of that and was going to point and tell them "No! This is not a time to sing and dance. What do you think this is some type of animated movie?" But there was no fa la la la las or dance steps starting up and I checked my back just in case of signage with a ninja move called the stretch and check. Not the fanciest of moves it sort of looks like you are stretching like you are waking up, fake yawn is optional and only recommended for those that are skilled enough to block any possible bugs or small birds from flying into your mouth, then reach back and pat back. This move is helped if you point and ask what something is or ask for coffee while yawning.

Loki turned back to answer that whatever I pointed at was the wall and nothing else which I used the ninja art of escaping an awkward situation by blushing and acting embarrassed, "That is what I thought it was but with the whole viking stuffed head thing and being starred at I wasn't sure."

I watched as one of Loki's eyebrows slowly rose at a really slow place, "I am pretty sure a wall is a wall no matter what unless it is a floor of course."

[insert embarrassed fake laugh here with hand rubbing back of head] "You got a point with that. Let's not keep Odin waiting any longer." I turn back to the door and start to push it, yeah it looks heavy and looks aren't deceiving with it. 

Norse definitely know how to build sturdy doors, I tell myself as i push on the door and all I manage to do is nothing. Other than a little grunt which I quickly blamed on a stealth pig. For a moment I considered running and throwing myself at it but all I think that would do is get my shoulder hurt. I could do..... no I am not sure where I could find one of those here. Battering ram? Interesting and I probably could get the wood from the door but if I do that I could just walk through and i forgot to pack a chainsaw.

I hear Loki clear his throat, "Try knocking."

Oh yeah.... I blame the starring for not thinking of that, creepy.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.


((I am here knocking knocking  on the door.))

[Catherine]

What do animatronics dream of, I ask myself as I wait for any type of reply. That is the standard known procedure after knocking. No so much after one or two knocks since those could be things running into the door and if there are a lot of them in quick succession it is a woodpecker and you are going to have hole through your door. Three is the magic number though, it says 'hey someone is at the door and you need to answer soon before they hurt their knuckles' in a Morse code not Morse code way. Unless there is a snake knocking at the door.

I give Loki a quick smile as I stand there and wait, checking my back again for any signs that might have found their way to my back. It is not like I don't trust Loki, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt but I can see that his finger tips are stained with black ink. So unless he likes to do the fingertip ink thingies, ink fingertip press on paper and finally draw things around it, I am going to keep my eyes on him.

*mental two fingers point at my eyes and then at Loki. *

For a moment I consider knocking again. Maybe Odin stepped away for something, it happens with me and the phone when I try to do anything really. Right in a middle of a good movie and the phone rings. I start folding laundry and the phone rings. I step into the shower and get my hair all shampooed up and the phone rings. Every time I go to answer it, yes even out of the shower with a towel wrapped around me and shampoo dripping over the floor, no one is there! There is just silence no giggling no asking if my refrigerator is running or anything else, just silence. I grumble back to what I was doing. Then as soon as I.... you can guess what happens. Ring! Grumble grumble back, this time with the soap stinging my eyes. Answer and nothing. It's like the phones purposefully ring at the wrong time.

Maybe the doors are like that with Odin. Right when he gets in the middle or something there is a knock at the door. He goes over and there is no one there. He goes back to..... sharpening an axe and right when he tests the edge of it there is a knock at the door and Odin takes his attention way and will slice, it makes sense really.

It almost sounds like a conspiracy, ghost  knock and person answers to find no one. Ghost ring and when you pick up the phone there is no one. Then as soon as you get back to doing whatever you were doing agai.

I bring my hand up and pull it back for moment, then I hear it "You may enter." I start to push the doors up and.....

((What is behind door number one?))

[Catherine]

I don't know what I expected, I know who Odin is. Really any one who has taken an English class has and I think history and maybe some art classes too. Who i saw earlier sort of surprised me but maybe he was in disguise. You know to hide from fans. Sort of really hard to rule over gods if fans are constantly chasing asking you for your autograph.

"Excuse me All father can I get your autograph."

"Odin can you sign my [insert body part here]? I brought a black marker."

"Squeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!"

Fame comes with godhood and with the nickname 'All father', you definitely have fans. Ones that lift up lighters and wave back and forth for some reason. It sounds so heavy metal, "We now introduce All Father! I hope you brought your ear plugs." Probably wears the eye patch because playing the base was just too easy with two eyes. If he could, Odin would play the base with both eyes covered by an eye patch, he is modest though so he won't do that. That and if both eyes are covered you really don't know what you are playing, an elk could be running by and with a spin it is being played and all it can do is sit there confused on what just happened and you are wondering why you can't find the strings.

That is what it is, a disguise. He wouldn't have known if any fans had snuck in because there wasn't any bouncers at the door. Checking for ids making sure everyone is Norse, stamping hands and stuff.

"Miss your ID says you are Norse and well you look a little questionable. Speak Norse to me. Are you carrying your helmet with you? Those can't be faked, not like these cheap pieces of plastic license."

It is a lot better than just sunglasses, and everyone knows the phrase 'with great power comes dark sunglasses."

So what I was expecting something impressive with a guitar hitting a cord, smoke reaching across the ground and maybe jets of fire too. Although Odin would have to get a license because of the fire. Due to an incident years ago where well.... fire and doves don't mix. Well they mix but not in any way other than combustible."

But none of that happened, all that I saw was a throne and the old guy sitting on it. Yeah he was wearing an eyepatch and had a beard. There was no way that.... then the animatronic spoke and well okay he is Odin. Personally I think more 'Odi than Odin. Maybe he is Odin Sr, awake just long enough to go get an early dinner and save some money."

I take a step into the door, "I was sent here by Mouse. You might have heard of her. She says I needed to come here to find a mount."


((A Mount? Unicorn!))

[Catherine]

"Ah yes, I remember Mouse," the man sitting there on the throne nodded. Yeah it wasn't the rock star Odin, dressed in leather with a bass guitar in his lap and a bent cigarette in his mouth.  Slowly stroking the strings of the guitar lovingly like it was a cat. I got the old man Odin one, eye patch and all. Very Hollywood not friendly, what with the advanced age and battle damage. It definitely looked like Odin had seen a lot of battles and could tell some stories.

"This scar here was caused by a giant polar bear. Ran into it one day while I was out. It thought it had the better of me during our fight and stuck it's peanut butter in my chocolate. You don't do that to a man's chocolate, so I had to teach it a lesson."

"Now this scar caused the very heavens to shake. There I was one day, the sun out and not a troll in sight. I decided to take the moment of peace and sit down to relax. How was I to know that a dire porcupine had wandered up and fallen asleep."

He starts to go for another scar and I cover my eyes, "Yeah you don't have to show or tell me about any scars in that region. I like to keep this a pg rating at the most and I think the region you were going for is definitely in more of a r rating. That and I want to sleep tonight, eight hours and I am pretty sure I will not be able to sleep if I hear or see anything dealing with that. Maybe slowly rocking back and forth in bed even."

He sat there on his throne like he owned the place which I guess he did, I mean he was Odin. So they say.  Had to throw that in for legal purposes, don't know why really, maybe someone will comeback later saying something that who I was speaking to wasn't really Odin and I would be so let down. I am going by what everyone is telling me. That the guy who I still think is an animatronic is Odin. Now I haven't found the wires yet to prove that but an interior designer I think could hide them with throw pillows or something. There is a fur of a..... I am thinking it is a bear laying there at his feet so maybe they are hidden under there. Pretty sure nobody will like me going up and checking underneath it either. The whole breaking the illusion thing. Someone wants me to believe that this animatronic is the real Odin *wink*,. So I will go along and hey at least the voice is synced with the lips. None of that weird throw you off dubbing, lips start to move but the voice is delayed. What is really weird is when whoever was talking has left but they are still talking.

My dad was was watching one of those movies once and I walked in while there was a conversation going on about dancing pandas chewy jello or something like that. The thing was, there was only one person on the screen but I heard multiple voices. I just froze trying to figure out what was happening. Was the guy maybe thinking to himself? No the voices were completely different. Was the guy maybe a ventriloquist? His lips weren't moving and usually where there is a ventriloquist, there is a dummy.  I didn't see his lips moving and there was a dummy as far as I can tell. So what? I just stood there as the conversation lasted for another ten minutes. Finally I just gave up. I even tried math! They say that can help solve everything, it didn't then and even got me more confused. When I asked my dad told me that the guy was having a conversation with someone who had left the scene a while ago. I just nodded and slowly with a quick pace left the room to watch something with lips moving and matching voices. If I remember it was my little dromedary. So maybe he was real or his handlers were really well trained.

"I remember Mouse," Odin nodded, "How is the old girl?"

My mouth dropped open, not because if the old part. I knew that and if was kind of and obvious but the girl part threw me. I just never would have guessed that she was a she. Yeah there was all of the hints but the spitting sort of you know, outweighed things. It is the whole spitting theory thing, which goes like this.... unless you are a camel you really shouldn't gave to spit a lot. Some guys do because they see it as a way of marking their territory.

"This is mine!" PTOWIE. "That over there is mine." PTOWIE. "That thing over there is mine too." PTOWIE.

"Will you cut that out! Everything is getting slimmy and some one might slip and fall."

"She is doing fine I think. Cranky and short tempered."

It sounded like a roll of thunder when Odin laughed, "She has always been like that. Come sit and we will talk."

((Witty comment about Norse gods dealing with rolling thunder and laugh. nothing blah. ))

[Catherine]

"N'kay," I nodded when Odin motioned  to a spot near his thrown. I thought it was just  a bundle of furs sitting through but then I got closer I thought I saw it breathing. Cautiously I nudged it with a foot. Which is probably one of the worse ways to check if something is alive or not, right up there with poking it with a hand. Which sometimes ends with, "Get it off! Get it off!" and wild shaking of whatever body part that you want to get whatever off of. Oh and screaming and crying maybe. Both of those depend on whatever it is. Puppy nether, badger probably both.

Nothing happened when the tip of my foot touched the fur ball, for safe measures I nudged it again. It could have been faking it was a fur covered cushion with the first nudge but the second one there would be no way for it to keep it in its faking state. It would have been annoyed and in a 'hey stop that' mood. Maybe swiping at my foot with a fur lined claw, which would have set off every alarm off in my head and would have gotten a response. Point with really big eyes and slowly back away saying I would rather stand while keeping my eyes on the fur cushion. I would not want to be listening to Odin, when he pauses for a moment, look around and find the fur pillow gone. "Hey where did the fu...." I would start to say until something with fur and teeth latches onto my tail, then words would turn into screams. Well not screams but more like one long scream before passing out.

Again nothing but I knew my tail would let me know if something was up after i sat down. It would keep its eyes on the fur cushion and the moment it did anything more than stationary it would let me know. There would be no ninja chomps on my butt.

"So how do you know Mouse?" I asked trying to get comfortable, "Did she spit or yell at you?" Did I just feel a rib? Hopefully my mind is just playing tricks with me and there is no ribs.

Odin laughed, "For as long as I remember Mouse has always spit but she has yet to yell at me. I doubt she is scared of me though. Nothing scares her.  I have seen her wade into a group of frost giants, where most warriors would just quietly walk away, climb up one and slap it across the face and then do that same thing to the others. By the time she got done with them the giants were crying. Up and SMACK, climb back down and then back up and SMACK! She did that around the whole group and then repeated over and over. One giant even tried to crawl away and Mouse wouldn't have any of that. Dragged the giant back in, kicking and screaming of course, then it got smacked."

Odin took a breath and for a moment i thought I heard some thunder, "I meet Mouse years ago. We were having a problem with a wolf and she stepped in and where others failed, Mouse didn't."

"A wolf? Really? I thought you guys wore them on your head. Like a status thing."

"Well.... some do yes but this wolf was different. It was larger, taller than man and its breath could freeze a man's blood. It claws could easily tear through anything, from wood to metal.  With all of that, the wolf was intelligent. It planned its attacks. Ambushing my greatest warriors

So I sent a message out and Mouse was one of those that actually showed up.

I flip a piece of imaginary  popcorn into my mouth, talking about  a story. "Tell me more, please."


((Flips imaginary popcorn into mouth.))

[Catherine]

I had to ask really, mouse was like this big and well the Norse were a whole lot bigger. So I just had to find out how she beat a wolf that Odin was saying was huge. I know it is possible, she is all spit and attitude. Definitely spit with how much she spit all of the time. If she has as much attitude as she does spit, holy moo. Yes she told me a couple stories as we traveled together but those could have been like those big fish stories. Each time the story is told the fish gets a little bigger, the once little minnow is now a great white whale.

"I will tell you I thought my pole was going to break. I fought to bring in the fish for days, it was a constant give and take. Lightening flashed and waves crashed over the side of the boat."

Yeah I thought you caught that, I think it is a fish, from a fish tank at the local pet store. The lightening you saw was the lights from a police car as they threw you into it.

So yeah I needed more information on how big this wolf was. See if it changed sizes from one story to the next. Going from a giant wolf to one that blocked out the moon.

Odin took a hit off of a pipe, blowing little smoke rings into the air in front off him, before speaking.

"I thought all was done for really, sitting here on my thrown, all of my best warriors were being beaten. I needed to fined someone, you know the whole depth percentile thing would make it hard for me. Swing and miss over and over.

Mouse's entrance was rememberable. One moment the door was closed and locked and the next it was slamming into the wall, shaking the building. There she stood there defiantly, knowing that the door wasn't going to swing back because it was scared and it had a good reason too. If the door swung back mouse would have taken it apart piece by piece breaking it into smaller and smaller pierces.

I think she spit once as she growled "I hear you have a wolf problem!" "

"Oh oh was there dramatic lightening behind Mouse to give the scene more umph, maybe a guitar rift?"

Odin just closed his eyes and kept quiet, until I asked if anything was wrong?

((Hmmmm))

[Catherine]

For a moment there was silence, I don't even think the silence crickets were making any noise. I looked around a little nervous, did something happen that I wasn't aware of? I sat there waiting for anything, a peep. Not one of those little marshmallow chick looking things filled with more sugar than anything. I will tell you this that a girl of my weight, which I will not tell you  and height after eating two boxes of them can go for three days without sleep. After that BOOM crash and sleep. It can happen mid senten




Just kidding, I haven't eaten any sugary baby chicks. What I was saying was the crash could happen mid sentence or mid anything, even swinging in a swing and I was almost about to flip over the top too. I woke up by being poked with a stick by a homeless guy. He said it was a sight to behold, swinging back and forth so fast that I was a blur, laughing constantly. Back and forth. Back and forth. Over and over and over. Then I just stopped and well hung there with my mouth open. Drool running down the front of me, which I think was a lie. I believe that slugs climbed up me and that is why I had a nasty taste in my mouth. Anyways poke with stick and I was awake.

Where was I? Did I go off subject? Uh okay that happens when I am bored....... Did Odin just peep crash? I look and again to see if there are any boxes laying around or hidden under something and nothing. Maybe he... I look at Odin's lips to see if I can see the tall tale signs of peepage, yellow sugar on the lips. No matter how much you try to get ride of it, you can't. Well at least not until you eat two whole boxes and start to vibrate then anything is possible. But there is no sugar on his lips and then I realize something there is a little known that no one does it extreme method of consuming yellow chicks, snorting them!

Oh my monkey, I have heard of doing that, bringing one up to your nose and stuffing it in then inhaling until your are blue in the face. I think they call it chicking but I am not sure.  There is not a way I would try it, not since I imagined getting caught by my mom and there is a little yellow marshmallow chick head sticking out of my no nose, yellow sugar coating my nostrils.  There would be no way I could talk my way out of it since I would be caught yellow nosed.

I look at Odin's nostrils as they flare in and out. I see something there but it isn't yellow sugary, more like yellow boogery. Ick!

So what happened? Did someone pull a power cord and I finally have my proof of Odin  being an animatronic. But there is one more test, i reach into my bag and pull out my super hyper turbo staff of whapping.


"There is only one way...." I whisper as I extend the staff towards Odin's nose, "There is only one way."

[Catherine]

The tip of the staff edged closer and closer. I needed to be careful, if the tip went low it would push into Odin's mouth and ew. Still low but higher and the tip would slip into Odin's nose and ick! Norse nose! They have goblins and trolls in their tales and I have heard of magical nose goblins. What if one of those is calling Odin's nose home, it would definitely be a troll since he is the All Father. There would be no way a goblin be staying there. The tip of my staff would slide in and suddenly get jerked out of my hand. I would stand there trying to figure out what was happening and before I know it I am being beaten by my own staff. A big booger colored arm would pop out and toss the staff away as stars dance around my head. Then if it is too high then it could poke an eye ouuuuuuu....

Maybe that is how Odin lost his eye, a poking incident. Sitting there on his throne minding his own business and out of nowhere poke. Ruining the number of days without an accident record that had going in Asgard. It was probably two because of Thor, get a lot of glug glug in him and he starts throwing his hammer around thinking it will return to him and all he is doing is knocking people out.
.
"I am Thor!!!" throw, hit, THUMP and scream.

I will need to be careful I do not want to poke Odin's other eye. I really doubt he wants to wear another eye patch. Go around throwing out decrees and judgments but facing the wrong way, very bad. That and double eye patches? Not sure if that would be good and keep that idea quiet. We don't want any fashion people hearing that and that be the next fashion wave. Models would be falling off the runways because they couldn't see the end of them and when it caught on, people would have to wear little sensors warning about impeding doom.

"Straight ahead is a set off steps. Behind you is of course the hallway you just walked down and to the left is a doorway. Okay to your left is a whirling fan blade, why it is there we don't know, it just is. Walking into it will hurt a lot so we recommend not doing that. If you insist on walking into it we ask you to put us down before you do."

Sort of like a mix of a GPS and a seeing eye dog. It knows where you are at and can get you where you want to go mixed in with a rise of self preservation. If you hear it stuttering or going "uh are you sure you want to go that way?"  You might want to stop and reconsider where you are going.  Is it really worth getting the ice cream if you have to walk through tons  of blades that will turn you into shredded confetti or is walking around better? Yes the ice cream will be a little melted but you won't be ginsued..

I start to glisten as the end of the staff gets closer and close to Odin's nose..it needs to be in the right spot or BOOM!

Poke.

((What do you think I was going to pull a Highlander  and take Odin’s head off. No ick that gets messy and no.))

[Catherine]

Okay not really a poke, it was a almost a poke. As soon the tip of my staff got like this close to Odin, he moved. Well at first his eyes started to glow which made me hesitate. Glowing eyes mean one of two things, laser beam eyes or X-ray vision. I was hoping for neither really, I didn't want to be blasted leaving only two sets of shoes on the ground. Then if it was X-ray vision the rating for this part would go from 'G' to about 'R' literally in a blink of an eye. He would probably give me one of those creepy old man stares that makes every hair on your body stand up and that would be bad. It would be really hard to get clothes on and Norse would point and laugh saying a porcupine was hugging my head. I really didn't need either and I was hoping for a third, headlight eyes, that would be cool.

Wouldn't get lost in the dark. If you dropped anything you would just need to blink and hey it is over there. Would never be asked 'where are you looking?' Because well yeah you would just go point. The only drawback is if you turned them on when you were looking at someone. There would be screams of 'I am blind' and floundering and possibly hands going where hands shouldn't go. I already had a hand on my sunglasses if I started to see high beams starting up.

Thankfully there was none of that and I would have looked cute with my sunglasses on too. Quickly I whip them out and slipping them on smile, a little light twinkle happening on my teeth and the tip of my glasses just to add an 'Oh wow' effect. Cute huh?  So now but not now fashion wise. The girls at school made fun of me the first ti me I tried them on but when a light twinkle happen I just pointed and smiled. Those don't appear just for anything you know.

Anyways back to the moment. I slip my sunglasses back into my bag followed by the staff. The poking was done so it wasn't needed anymore.

I looked at Odin, raising one eyebrow, "Okay you just fell asleep. Should I be worried?  Do I need to find a doctor, a Viking one of course. I am not sure what they could prescribe for you, maybe two root grubs and a lightening bug. Take them with a meal and no swimming for at least one hour and do not swim in that pond over there that just looks sick.

"I am just tired, that is all." Odin answered, "I will be sleeping soon."

I nod, "Good because that was sort of weird. Talking one moment and then asleep()3 next. You might want to see a specialist for it because there can be some embarrassing places that you can fall on or near. Just saying."

"I am fine, I am preparing for my sleep that is all."

"Should I get you something then. Maybe something that you need to help you fall asleep like a teddy bear maybe. Not that I have one....

*whistle*

"I do have a..." Odin started to say but quickly caught himself which quickly piqued my and my tail's curiosity. "A what?" Odin coughed and if he had a collar he would be doing the whole collar pulling move at the moment.  "Nothing," he coughed. I knew that cough, it was fake and only used at certain times. A smile formed as I nodded, "Right....."

Odin had a proverbial skeleton in the closet, maybe with a couple real skeletons too. He has a teddy bear. I wonder what he calls it? CMr. Snuggles nah. Fluffywuffy
, oh my monkey no. Thunderfluffer, maybe.... it sort of fits. Probably all dark with burn  marks on its hands from throwing lightening and red glowing eyes. The All Teddy bear.

There was a moment of silence and then Odin coughed, fake cough followed by..... "So why did Mouse send you here?" Ah yes, change of subject to lead away from the other one.  Nice job All Father, there are those that would fall for it.  I have seen better when hands are caught in a cookie jar.  But I will play along.

"She said something about a mount."

((Hmmm))