Sarah Palin in Fallout New Vegas

[Neysha]

When people play role playing games, they often role play as what 'they' would do, or some non-specific entity.

When I play Fallout New Vegas however, I play as an actual character. Or at least this time I am...

Meet my new character, Courier Extraodinaire Sarah Palin.



Str: 4
Per: 8
End: 5
Cha: 8
Int: 2
Agl: 5
Luck: 8



Whaddaya mean now that ya missed a spot? That's free health care for ya...



What a ridiculous question!



Only one answer really...



Uh oh... the Low Intelligence might be starting to show already...



Engaging in the ol' chase me through a door and into a frag mine routine. Kinda smart for her, but then again, Sarah Palin is a hunter.



Sarah Palin has a solution to prison overcrowding. (and her Black Widow perk is already paying dividends)



You were a Powder Ganger... now you're just powder... yeah...



Buck up or stay in the truck!



Uh huh



Deputy Beagle earns the special helmet so he won't hurt himself.

So.... that's it for now. I'm hoping to engage in a pictorial based saga of my journey, reacting to the world as Sarah Palin would. Or how the public perception of her would anyways.

As far as the game is concerned, I chose only one perk, Good Natured, and three tag skills, Energy Weapons (I've been through two playthroughs with Small Guns and its boring now), Speech (obviously) and Medicine. (It was the only Housewife based trait of the bunch) So far, she's helped Goodsprings defeat the Powder Gangers terrorizing the town, and made friends with everyone. Sarah Palin however, isn't much of a scavenger and so she doesn't go rifling through everyones house, grabbing things that can be grabbed without karma penalties. That's just unrealistic. So unless it's from villains or their possessions or otherwise unclaimed, she's not taking it. It'd be wrong. Then she paid her respects at the Yangtze Memorial before heading up to Sloane... more to get the marker down then anything, before following the railroad back down to the NCR Correctional Facility and then down to Primm, in hot pursuit of that fancily dressed fellow and his Khan-esque cohorts. While in Primm, as you can see, she saved the Deputy and killed all of the Powder Gangers there.



Lest we forget. Support our troops!

Now she's currently heading South, to get a pardon for Meyers so he can become the Sheriff for Primm, because she knows the current one is too cowardly and a fancy robot as a Sheriff? C'mon now...

Meyers should be the Sheriff... why?



!!!Small Town Values!!!



!!!Tough On Crime!!!

!!!End Federal Bureaucracy!!!

Well there you have it so far... Hour One of Fallout New Vegas as Sarah Palin.

If anyone has any feedback, suggestions, recommendations that this is a waste of time, please feel free to share. I'm not actually sure how amusing this all actually is.

[Funguy81]

To be in all honest, I really do think she's more intelligent than she plays out to be. She fails as a politician in almost every way, and yet she turns that into a financial enterprise where she can say what she wants to say...and she makes millions off of it.

As for the game you set up...I was laughing my ass off at the similarities. Now I cant help but wonder what would she really do if she was in such a situation.

I look forward to any updates you have.

[Neysha]

To be in all honest, I really do think she's more intelligent than she plays out to be. She fails as a politician in almost every way, and yet she turns that into a financial enterprise where she can say what she wants to say...and she makes millions off of it.

Oh I agree. Retards don't have quite as successful careers as she has. She speaks like she has an anti-intellectual streak to her and she did poorly in debates and has lots of dumb quotes associated with her, but ones intelligence (or slightly different, wisdom) can show in other ways. She might not be high on "book knowledge" so to speak, but she's quite intelligent in other respects. Which is why I made a note of this being a "Public Perception" of Sarah Palin as opposed to actually her. :)

Thanks for the response too!

[Kazyth]

This reminds me a bit of Living In Oblivion, a story about The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion where the author played his character as an NPC, avoiding adventure, trying to make a living without raiding caves and such, walking everywhere, just trying to live a relatively normal life in the game.  He added some mods that required he eat and sleep regularly or he suffered mounting penalties for it, then set off on his journey to find a home and a make a placid, adventure-free living.  It's quite entertaining, and he did another one after it called The Elder Strolls based in Skyrim.  Both are surprisingly entertaining and investing.

I look forward to reading more about Sarah "The Courier" Palin as well!

[Inkidu]

To be in all honest, I really do think she's more intelligent than she plays out to be. She fails as a politician in almost every way, and yet she turns that into a financial enterprise where she can say what she wants to say...and she makes millions off of it.

As for the game you set up...I was laughing my ass off at the similarities. Now I cant help but wonder what would she really do if she was in such a situation.

I look forward to any updates you have.

Though, someone who fails at being a politician can't be all bad can they? ;D

[Neysha]

Chapter Two: Nipton and Mr. Fox

Sarah Palin makes her way south, battling raiders and radscorpions, before finally coming upon the City of Nipton in flames and her first encounter with the villainous Legion.



Sarah Palin enters Nipton and is immediately wary.



First encounter between Courier Palin and the Legion



I didn't realize Nipton had an ACORN office.



Profli... wha? I'm sorry I don't understand.

Wait WHORES? That is bad!!!



I hope I don't regret making this gut response later...





Sarah Palin immediately issues a retraction that Nipton "Got what was coming to them."



Oh it's on buddy!



Laser to the face!



The Legion has displayed incredible skill when fighting defenseless civilians, women and children in Nipton, but now they face Sarah Palin.



Perhaps engaging six Legionaries and two dogs on a whim was a poor idea.



Five gallon hat helps keep Sarah Palin's half pint brain nice and cool in the Mojave heat.



Justice is served buddy!



Once the terrorist leader was dispatched, the rank and file were reduced to ash! (ZOMG that rhymes sorta)



Sarah Palin doesn't break into random houses or loots the bodies of innocents. It's wrong and immoral. (and yes... I actually follow this rule... *sighs*)



Look at all of that stuff!!! No... dammit... Sarah Palin doesn't loot from the innocent... argh...



Another sobering lesson in political corruption...



INT 2 Moment: Sarah Palin is undoubtedly wondering who this Mr. Fox fellow is.



First Van Jones and Lois Lerner, now Joseph B. Steyn. Even in the future, Secular Progressive political corruption knows no bounds, whether under Obama or Kimball.

[Blythe]

Pffffft *gigglesnort*

This gave me my laugh out loud moment of the day. I was just thinking of playing Fallout, and then I saw this. *snorts a few more times in uncontrollable laughter*

I'll have to keep a handy-dandy bookmark on this for my future laughter needs. This is just awesome, Neysha.  ;D

[Oniya]

I used to frequent a site called Videogame Recaps where they went through mostly JRPGs and did similar things (usually commenting on how the hero was not interested in any of the females throwing themselves at him in the game, and finding random phallic imagery)  I think I'll enjoy seeing Fallout through Sarah Palin's eyes.

(Just remember that she thinks shooting moose from a helicopter is 'fine sport'.)

[Neysha]

Chapter Three: The Legions Most Wanted

Behold, a hard drinking, gun toting, plain speaking, entrepeneurial cowgirl! No it's not Sarah Palin, it's Sharon of Rose Cassidy... or Cass for short.



Statues with blood? That can mean only one thing... Clearly God is on the NCR's side.


Tell me more of this phenomenon!!!


Ohhhhh figurative... I get it now. Duh...


Hmmmm nope... still don't see any blood on the statues. I have no idea what that Cass lady is talking about. Half of the people I've met in California so far seem to be crazy. Time to leave this bastion of liberalism and go to Nevada, where hopefully Conservative American values can still be restored!


Nevada has been looking a little rough ever since Sharron Angle's took over.


The Legion has abducted prisoners from Nipton to sell into slavery! And from what I can remember, slavery is bad! They must be stopped. But I'm outnumbered four to one, and at least two of those Legionaries are veterans. I will have to use all of my cunning and guile and skill to defeat them.


Unlike the Legion, Sarah Palin is an early riser. (It's three AM and the Legion has abducted your loved ones. Who do you call? Hitlery or Sarah Palin?)


LASER TO THE FACE PART DEUX!


Well check this out Decanus! You're fired!


It seems the one frag mine simply slowed them down. This is bad! I'm sure if I keep running away, God will deliver me salvation.


Oh thank goodness, I've run into a heavily armed caravan of merchants. Now for once, they get to bail me out!


This just proves that businesses are people too!


Ya can't outrun a laser! It's beam travels at the speed of sound! Bet you wish you didn't wake up to a frag mine at your feet now limpy!


Now wait a gosh darned minute now... how come I'm losing karma when I take stuff from the bad guys? What kind of mixed message is that sending? I won't stand for this moral relationship... moral realism... moral... moral relativity here now. Also it says I'm vilified by these Legion terrorists now. Well good riddance to them! I hope they hate me, damn terrorists! What're they going to do? Send Seal Team Six after me? I don't think so.


Literally five minutes of game time later...


Oh boy, look at the fancy clothes on those folks. I better steer clear of them guys! I'll run towards that Ranger Fort up ahead!


Oh no... the Ranger station is empty, and I finally found out who those fancy pants folks are! Even worse, there's four of them and they're tougher then the last four Legion folks I ran into to. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this pickle... but I got an idea.


I call this trick the Gravina Maneuver.You run into certain area like this ranger station here and as they're pursuing you, ya run up to the walkway along the top of the walls and then wait for them to chase you inside. Then as soon as they are about to reach you...


Ya jump over the edge of the wall and leave them inside of the fort! How's that for a Race to Nowhere! See ya suckers later!

Next up... Novac...

[Neysha]

Chapter Four: A Boone for Sarah Palin

Oh sweet Jesus... it looks like that Dinosaur is eating that poor Mexican kid!



I don't get it... Why is it called Novac again?



Sarah Palin supports our veterans, both past and present.



With Ranger Andy's Takedown, I'll be able to backpedal out of danger and drop foes quicker then Fox News backpedaled and dropped me as an employee.



These Novac ranchers are good, family focused, hard working Americans. So if they need a helping hand in finding out who is killing their cattle, I'm more then willing to help them out anyway I can. (except via farm subsidies)



Holy Guacamole! That's the biggest Smurf I've ever seen! Never a fan of Smurfs, they propagate a homosexual lifestyle. Better whip out the AR-15 for this one!



Who should own an AR-15? Anyone who wants one... .bitch...



What's the appropriate amount of force to use to defend your property? LETHAL FORCE and we work UP from there.



I'm a ninja. Despite Boone's initial hostility, he soon realizes I am a big supporter of our troops and opens up to me about a disconcerting problem about his wifes passing. Well don't worry Boone, you picked the right lady for the job. This Mama Grizzly will sniff out whose at fault here and deliver up a target for extra-judicial punishment.



Okay sure... I figured it was the Mexican fellow with the criminal past that killed Boone's wife first but apparently I'm wrong. But that's not racism or racial profiling. This is just good police work.



The next most likely suspect is probably that crazy poor person I saw earlier. Stastically poor people commit crimes because they're too lazy to work.



Molerat man coming from the Underneath? But I just got done interviewing the Mexican fella and I know he didn't do it. I guess I'll pursue this motel lobby angle.



At first, I had reservations about illegally accessing the Hotel Safe illegally, but then I realized you sometimes have to break the law, to save it. But am I really breaking the law? I'm a self authorized Agent of the Law and can verbally and secretly give myself my own search warrant.



Sarah Palin, despite her Level Two Intelligence, reads the Bill of Sale and realizes who is responsible for Boone's missing wife.



Before there were drone strikes, there were people like Boone.



You say it like hunting terrorists isn't enough motivation in itself.



Sarah Palin supports our veterans. But will they support her?



Her logic, though simpleminded, is irresistable.



Don't worry, Sarah Palin is used to getting that look from people after she says... anything.



Uh oh... Sarah Palin has her first companion now.

Next up... Sarah Palin confronts the Spectre of Communism... literally... (Not literally)

[Cyrano Johnson]

A good idea, and funny execution.

[Neysha]

Chapter Five: The Ghost of Commies Ass

I have misjudged this man completely and have finally met someone of intelligence on this journey. He fills me in on two things I believe strongly in, the existing threat of Communism... and Ghosts!



Oh no... somebodies gotta put a stop to them before the Moon goes Red, just like Mars!



Finally I've met a scientist who actually makes sense, speaks on the facts and isn't motivated by Big Science or political ideology.



Gee..



Willickers...



Boone! You just gunned down three Commie Ghosts in three shots! At this rate I won't even have to do anyth-



Oh thanks Boone. Leave me the Glowing One.



Two questions. First... what is a ghoul? Second, where are the Communist ghosts. I was promised Communist ghosts...



C'mon... you KNOW this is what she would say first.



He doesn't seem amused by the statement. And what is this Great Journey? Sounds more like a Long March to me you damn dirty, Green party commie sonofabitch. Give me one good reason not to turn you into ash!



Sweet Jesus! They're Christians looking for salvation. How can I be of assistance?



Can't you read? It says STOP!



...sniffle... I thought Smurfs were supposed to be nice...



If you're going where I think you're going buddy, you better stop right there before you say something you regret...



Did you just call religion mumbo-jumbo? DID YOU!?!?!



YOU COMMUNIST WHORE!



Boone versus the Communist Whore... whose taking bets?



Oh crap, it's like one of those stupid action movies where the Hero is able to hit everything with one shot but can't hit the broad side of the barn when fighting a named character...



...Nevermind...



Praise Jesus!

Next up... The Rocket of Babel.

[Neysha]

Chapter Six: Rocket of Babel

Unlike some folks, I only get recognized for genuine achievements.



Don't feel bad Chris! You'll get used to being a Saint.



After all, I did.



Hey if those Global Warming kool-aid drinkers at NASA can launch rockets, why can't I?



And they say its the Democrats who base their policy actions on feelings.



I grew up in an America that strives to achieve noble goals "not because they are easy... but because they are hard." But fast forward almost (two hundred) fifty years and our national leaders seem to have lost all of Kennedy's confidence and brio. Instead of announce ambitious new goals for the space program, we have the head of NASA... hearing this new rationale for our space program... "Holding hands and singing Kumbaya with Tribal countries. What does that have to do with our once proud and pioneering space program? -American By the Heart (2281 edition)



Like so many Americans, my family and I watched the moon landing on an old black-and-white TV set. As with Theodore Roosevelt, JFK's ambition to put a man on the moon perfectly captured a nation that feared neither hard work nor failure. -American By the Heart (2281 edition)

Now I'm proud to say I'm joining those great men of history.



Oh $#!t

Moving right along...



Oh dear... looks like the NCR hasn't learned anything from Obama's past mistakes either. I better nip this in the bud!



Actually now that you mention it...





:(



That's not surprising. Anyone who believes in Solar Power is likely an idiot. Let me talk to this guy and set him straight.



You're fired!





You betcha I am!

Next up... The Flowers of Apocalypse.

[Sabby]

I wonder how she would fair in Skyrim... probably end up the most polite Dark Sister ever.

[Neysha]

Chapter Seven: Unscripted

In what maybe Sarah Palin's most insightful interview ever given, she has a personal one on one conversation with noted scientist and scholar, Ignacio Rivas of the Helios 1 Research Team. Their candid discussion touches not only on the future of alternative energy, but also military policy, foreign relations, the evolving role of NGO's and other subjects.

Transcript has been edited due to space concerns and posted without added commentary.









































Uor wellcum...

[Valeran]

I should do FNV Abraham Play and give you some clips on that.

Let's all do famous people in real life and bring up some screenshots. Be hilarious.

[Oniya]

Are the options you're given to choose from affected by your ability scores from the beginning?  The character is talking like Captain Caveman! XD

[Blythe]

Oniya, in Fallout New Vegas, if you take a low Intelligence, it does affect how your character talks, which I always thought was quite interesting.  ;D So yup, it does matter from the get-go.

[Oniya]

Interesting that they'd go for bad syntax instead of 'articulate but dumb' answers.  Or would that be if Neysha was playing as Michelle Bachmann?  ;D

[Skynet]

Subscribed.  I'm enjoying this playthrough. :-)

[Neysha]

CHAPTER EIGHT: Solar Hazard

I shouldn't trust the voice, but his logic is impeccable. Since I am a law biding citizen, I have nothing to hide and should reveal myself to the local authorities.



Oh my gosh! I've been betrayed! I never thought law enforcement would use their power and authority in a deceptive manner.

In other news... check out my glasses!



Science..??? Does not compute...



Aha! Success. I can fix it. (after reading a repair book to temporarily increase her skills)



Flowers of Pocklips scientistic says it humane to share evenly and he make sense with words so I do that. (Plus it was a campaign promise)



Brownouts? Really? I knew renewable energy sources like solar were inherently unreliable. Drill baby drill!



What is happening? What is happening? The shinies!



The glasses! They do nothing!



Wait? There was juice somewhere? Where is the juice? Was that robot I needed science to fix a juice maker? I don't understand!



Lemme tell you a secret Ignacio. Sometimes, when no one is looking, I act like a moderate. But if you mess with me... I'll shoot a laser into your face.

Well that was fun. I must say I learned a lot about renewable energy like Solar Power. My visit at Helios has pretty much reinforced my opinion that morons are in charge of renewable energy policy, that solar energy is inherently unreliable, and it requires massive government subsidies. On the other hand, someday, we might be able to use Solar Energy as a weapon of mass destruction or even better, as a solar powered drilling device. So more research is needed.

Anyways, it's time Boone and I move on. But first... I must go back to Primm and meet someone.



Science. What a waste of time. I don't need to examine anything before repairing it.



Uh oh. Sarah Palin now has her own drone.

You know, I'm wondering... whatever happened to that terrorist cell that wanted to assassinate me when I headed up to Novac?



Oh... nevermind...



Shooting Legionaries in the face with energy weapons is becoming a habit.



The furious battle raged on for five days and two nights but in the end...



Sarah Palin was victorious and we all celebrated by eating the large amounts of jello left on the battlefield afterwards. Well not all of us...



Boulder City looks... different then I expected. Yet the irony of the name is not lost on me.



Once again I support our veterans in the War of... I mean on... Terror.



You mean like a city sized IED? What a brilliant strategy!

Hmmm I might have to retract that statement...

I'd like to end my campaign visit to Boulder City by standing here with young Private Kowalsky and stating to everyone, Support our troops and pray for their victory and safe return!



This is the closest I'll ever come to being an actual Neoconservative.

Next up...? I honestly have no idea. Does Sarah Palin make her way to New Vegas? Or does she take that inviting offer to go up to Zion Valley to support small businesses and have a meet and greet with her future Utah constituency?

[Neysha]

Interesting that they'd go for bad syntax instead of 'articulate but dumb' answers.  Or would that be if Neysha was playing as Michelle Bachmann?  ;D

I was actually planning on playing through as Michelle Bachmann originally, due to her recent statement about her not seeking re-election, but Sarah Palin seemed to have more 'skills' for the wasteland such as guns and outdoorsyness as opposed to accounting. :P

Pffffft *gigglesnort*

This gave me my laugh out loud moment of the day. I was just thinking of playing Fallout, and then I saw this. *snorts a few more times in uncontrollable laughter*

I'll have to keep a handy-dandy bookmark on this for my future laughter needs. This is just awesome, Neysha.  ;D

Thank you. :)

And thanks to everyone for the feedback and other interesting discussion, even if some of it is Skyrim related. :p

[Oniya]

I was actually planning on playing through as Michelle Bachmann originally, due to her recent statement about her not seeking re-election, but Sarah Palin seemed to have more 'skills' for the wasteland such as guns and outdoorsyness as opposed to accounting. :P

Excellent point.  You'd have to find a less 'shooty' game for Bachmann.

[Skynet]

Next up...? I honestly have no idea. Does Sarah Palin make her way to New Vegas? Or does she take that inviting offer to go up to Zion Valley to support small businesses and have a meet and greet with her future Utah constituency?

Vegas?  Send her into that den of sin!

[Neysha]

Chapter Nine: Operation Restored Hope

Have you heard this radio advertisement about the Sierra Madre Casino, it sounds like an amazing place to take a break from fixing the Mojave and fighting terrorists? Boone and I decided to head there for some R&R.



Why would you put your Hotel in the middle of a minefield? Oh well... let's keep going.



Not going to lie... I find the entrance to the Resort to be a little underwhelming and below my expectations.



A pity the Concierge wasn't a bit more... headstrong? That's not the way to get... ahead... in life. He'll never be the head of a major corporation.

Okay sorry Boone, let's keep moving.



First off, hardcore mode just sounds perverse and disgusting. Secondly, if I'm too low level for this area, then I guess this journey was for naught. Time to go around and see the local sights I suppose.



Since she passed? Yes, I suppose a bullet to the head is considered a natural cause of death here in the Mojave.



Sarah Palin is polling high with the NCR military.



Hopefully this Operation Restore Hope will turn out better then the last Operation Restore Hope that took place in the desert. Let me show swarmy Bill Clinton the proper way to intervene in a conflict.





My sentiments exactly.



This reminds me, we'll need some Badass Music to introduce us. ED-E, strike up a tune!

But before we go killing Legionaries, looks like we need to help around camp first.



Do I have medical experience? Does looking after five kids and one husband count?

It doesn't.



Dr. Mom reporting for duty.





Oh if only Max Cleland could see me now.



<Insert your own insensitive Max Cleland joke here>



I see him! I see HIM! I see the thief!



Clearly the military is about as effective guarding against drug abuse as they are in policing sexual assault cases.



Well time to head back to the medical tent and report that I caught the thief to Doc- GAH WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE?



You're welcome.

Also... you might want to invest in some better MP's considering thieves and giant wheeled robots are wandering around here freely at night. Just saying.