A Christmas Tradition

[Haibane]

A CHRISTMAS TRADITION.

It was Christmas Day in the workhouse;
The merriest day of the year.
The paupers and the prisoners
Were all assembled there.

In came the Christmas pudding,
When a voice that shattered glass,
Said, "We don't want your Christmas pudding!
So stick it
there with the rest of the unwanted presents."

At the door there came a knocking.
It was a homeless runt.
The Mistress opened up exclaiming,
"Come in from the cold you silly
child, you'll catch your death!"

The workhouse Master then arose
And prepared to carve the duck.
He said, "Who wants the parson's nose?"
And the prisoners shouted,
"You have it yourself sir"

The vicar brought his bible
And read out little bits.
Said one old crone at the back of the hall,
"This man gets on
very well with everybody"

The workhouse Mistress then began
To hand out Christmas parcels.
The paupers tore the wrappers off
And began to wipe their
eyes, which were full of tears.

The Master rose to make a speech
But just before he started,
The Mistress, who was fifteen stone
Gave three loud cheers and
nearly choked herself.

And all the paupers then began
To pull their Christmas crackers.
One pauper held his too low down
And blew off both his
paper hat and the man's next to him.

A steaming bowl of white bread sauce
Was handed round to some.
An aged gourmet called aloud
"This bread sauce tastes like
it was made by a continental chef."

Mince pie with custard sauce was next
And each received a bit.
One pauper said, "The mince pie's nice
But the custard tastes like
the bread sauce we had in the last verse!"

The Mistress dishing out the food
Dropped custard down her front.
She cried "Aren't I a silly girl?"
And they answered "You're a
perfect picture as always ma'am!"

"This pudding", said the vicar
"Is solid, hard and thick.
How am I going to cut it?"
And a man cried "Use your
penknife sir, the one with the pearl handle."

The Mistress asked the vicar
To entertain his flock
He said "What would you like to see?"
And they cried "Let's see your
conjuring tricks, they're always worth watching."

"Your reverence may I be excused?"
Said one benign old chap.
"I don't like conjuring tricks.
I'd sooner have a
carol or two around the fire."

So then they all began to sing
Which shook the workhouse walls.
"Merry Christmas!" cried the Master
And the inmates shouted
"And a Happy New Year to you as well sir!"

Have a good one everyone!  ;D