A hypothetical question for gays and lesbians

[Haloriel]

* Haloriel is three days late - but wanders in and totally eats Brai's ice cream.

>:)

I have literally nothing constructive to add other than - I love you all.

[Hyena Dandy]

To answer the question

I'm gay, and for me, there's sort of a 50% mark. If I'm going to be in a sexual relationship with another person, I want to be with someone at least mostly male. The mind is an important part of that, but it's not all of it. The penis is nice, but I don't consider it a dealbreaker, as long as the rest of the body looks male enough. I mean, I'd have sex with Buck Angel, if he asked.

If someone used to look like a woman, but now looks like a man, that doesn't matter to me that much. It's like being hung up on the fact that I'd be having sex with someone who used to be a child, to me.

[Caehlim]

Honestly, probably not and I wish I could answer differently.

I respect people defining themselves however they please and will always try to act as though I consider them to be the gender of their choice.

However the parts of my brain that make that determination and perceive someone as male or female are not under my voluntary control. That's a judgement I make entirely subconsciously within a mere fragment of a second.

The parts of my brain that determine attraction, don't really listen that much to the enlightened parts of my consciousness. They're plugged directly into those parts that make that judgement about gender. With attraction again it's something that happens subconsciously and outside of my control.

Now, if I perceive them as male, then it's possible. However if I perceive them instinctively as female and merely act as though I perceive them as a male to support them, then it's probably never going to happen.

I think that's a horrible answer, but it's the honest truth.

[MissMoonchild]

First I want to say that I am SO SORRY to the mods that this thread stirred up all that trouble!!!

I knew this was a delicate subject which was why I talked to a few senior members and even a mod if memory serves before posting it.

All the drama aside, I am thrilled and intrigued by those who have shared their positions. My friend and I were actually just talking about this the other day and I told him I hadn't checked the thread in a while.

Caehlim, and those of you who answered similarly, I can't really fault you. In the end it has been pointed out that it is an individual choice, and attraction is entirely relative. However, I think the conversation is interesting and the more honest people are the better. As a woman I don't expect all men to be sexually attracted to me and I have to imagine that a trans-male or trans-female would feel the same way. There's no reason to feel bad about it.

Thank you all though for being open and honest and if the convo continues then thanks to everyone else as well!

[Sethala]

Didn't notice this earlier, but I figure I may as well toss in my $0.02.

First off, I'm a straight male, pretty much as straight as they come.  I also tend to be very shy and antisocial when it comes to people I don't know (at least in real life, I'm far more comfortable with text), and mostly because of that I've yet to be in any real relationship.

Now, would I want to be in a relationship with someone that used to be a guy?  Assuming I'm talking about a full, living together, sex-filled relationship, not just platonic friendship, I'd have to say no.  However, the reason is only because I don't believe science has advanced enough yet.  The parts are similar, but it's like comparing a Ferrari to a jalopy held together with duct tape.  Sure, you can get it to look pretty nice, and you can be a pro at using duct tape to fix anything, but it's still not the real thing, and that just makes my skin crawl.  Too much to actually be interested in anything involving those bits.

If we were to go into fantasy mode however, and say that it's actually a fully-functional female body (be it magic transformation, body-swapping, downloading someone's mind into a clone, etc)... then I'd be fine with it.  Granted, it all depends on their personality (I'm not fond of overly-masculine women, for instance, no matter if they've been a woman from the start or not), but I don't attach someone's birth gender to anything if the body's right.

On the topic of personal, platonic relationships however, I'm more open.  Like I said, the only reason I'm uncomfortable with transgender is because of them not having the right bits, not because of any issues with personality.  As long as being with them doesn't preclude me from having relationships with others as well, I'm fine with it.

As an aside, I've heard the term "lesbian in a guy's body" being tossed around before, and... actually, I think that applies to me as well, to be honest.  I sometimes think the only thing stopping me from considering a change myself is the lack of sufficiently advanced technology.

[Blythe]

Caehlim Quote

Honestly, probably not and I wish I could answer differently.

I respect people defining themselves however they please and will always try to act as though I consider them to be the gender of their choice.

However the parts of my brain that make that determination and perceive someone as male or female are not under my voluntary control. That's a judgement I make entirely subconsciously within a mere fragment of a second.

The parts of my brain that determine attraction, don't really listen that much to the enlightened parts of my consciousness. They're plugged directly into those parts that make that judgement about gender. With attraction again it's something that happens subconsciously and outside of my control.

Now, if I perceive them as male, then it's possible. However if I perceive them instinctively as female and merely act as though I perceive them as a male to support them, then it's probably never going to happen.

I think that's a horrible answer, but it's the honest truth.

I think you could have worded that better by saying that you're attracted to cisgendered (biological men that are comfortable being men) homosexual men. There's nothing wrong with that answer, and it seems to fit what you were trying to say.

Also, I noticed you used "gender of their choice." Transgendered people don't exactly have a "choice" about their gender; the struggle is trying to conform our bodies to match the gender we know ourselves to be. Just saying.


On topic: I suppose I can't actually answer the exact wording of the question, being transgendered, but I can offer the perspective of the other side.

I secretly lean to others who are genderqueer in one way or another, mostly because of their understanding. I have no discomfort about whether a partner is "really" male or female, but I appreciate partners who are open about their beliefs regarding trans* issues. In return, I'm open about my status with a partner. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.  I've learned to accept this.

[Caehlim]

Edit: Open mouth, remove foot.

Apologies if I gave any offense there.